


Who Saves the Hero?

by Kudara



Category: Mass Effect 2 - Fandom
Genre: Adventure, Character Development, Drama, F/F, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2010-07-12
Updated: 2011-09-11
Packaged: 2017-10-10 12:52:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 35
Words: 325,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/99990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kudara/pseuds/Kudara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spectre Amanda Athene Shepard had been brought back from death by Cerberus. However, she suspects the Illusive Man has manipulated her into working for him and that he has his own hidden agenda. Now fighting against both the Collectors and trying to discern Cerberus' true intentions, who can she trust besides Garrus and Tali to help her find out the truth? Where can she turn to for allies when she knows the Illusive Man is waiting and undoubtedly has plans already in place to stop her from getting assistance from the Council or the Alliance? When everything around her has changed during the two years she was dead including her own body and mind, can she find something solid enough to rebuild her life upon?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By Kudara
> 
> Disclaimer: The Mass Effect universe is the property of Bioware/Electronic Arts. No infringement of these copyrights is intended as this is a not for profit fan fiction work.
> 
> Warning: None
> 
> Notes: This is inspired by the Beyonce song "Save the Hero," from the album I am…Sasha Fierce. This will be an Alternate Universe, because I often couldn't find the dialog that I actually wanted in the game.
> 
> Rating: Teen
> 
> Feedback: Always welcome, feedback is what encourages me to keep writing. Please let me know what you like and what you dislike about the story.
> 
> Revision History: 02/16/10; 03/21/2010; 06/06/2010

**Normandy SR2 – Cerberus Space Station**

The new Normandy, though almost twice the size as the original frigate, had the exact same sleek hunter lines Shepard had admired in the first. The Cerberus markings all over the place reminding her constantly of who was actually in control of it and her crew, however, were another matter.

Concluding her conversation with the two engineers, Amanda Shepard stored Engineer Donnelly’s request for T6 FBA couplings in her omni-tool and returned to the central, and as in the former ship, only elevator. At least this one moved much faster than the one in the original Normandy which had served both as a heavy equipment lift and an elevator. This new ship was large enough to have heavy equipment lifts in the central cargo area, which meant the central elevator’s sole purpose was to transport personnel from one deck to another.

Engineering had been her last stop in the initial tour of the new ship except for her quarters, which she hadn’t yet visited. As soon as the doors slid shut leaving her alone and out of sight, she raised her hand and let her fingertips carefully explore what felt like a network of scars on both sides of her face. Underneath them, her face ached with a dull repetitive throb, bone deep and inescapable. It had been that way ever since she had woken up, though admittedly it did seem that it didn’t hurt as much now as it had a several hours ago, perhaps it was getting better.

Shepard leaned back against the smooth steel wall behind her, she was exhausted. She had been moving and fighting pretty much nonstop ever since Miranda had woken her in the medical bay to the sound of gunfire and explosions and the news that someone was trying to kill her. Or perhaps more accurately, Amanda thought with grim humor, attempting to re-kill her. Though she did wonder why Wilson had waited until then, it seemed as if it would have been so much easier just to fail at repairing her body, to have never let things get to the point where she could wake up at all.

Following their escape from the Lazarus Project’s base, she had been taken to another Cerberus facility where she had met, if that was the right term for the long distance holographic meeting, with the leader of Cerberus, the Illusive Man. It hadn’t been hard to deduce that he was absolutely certain the Reapers were behind the human colony abductions. From the moment he assured her that they could split ways if she didn’t find any evidence of the Reapers there, she had been sourly certain that she would. Getting away from Cerberus wouldn’t be so simple, not after they had spent four billion credits to bring her back.

Almost immediately afterward they had left for Freedom’s Progress. In some ways she wished she hadn’t paused to speak to Miranda that she hadn’t felt the need to know more about the two Cerberus operatives she would be working with on the mission. She usually enjoyed speaking to new people, in this case though, the conversation had almost immediately taken a decidedly grim turn. One that had left her in no doubt that she couldn’t trust the other woman. Cerberus Operative Lawson thought she should have been brought back with a mind control chip, a guarantee of good behavior for Cerberus’s investment in her.

Thinking back upon her response to that piece of information from the distance of a few hours, Shepard winced, embarrassed. Seeing the shock, momentary fear, and then wary understanding in Ms. Lawson’s eyes almost made it worth it though. Amanda was fairly certain that the Cerberus operative had thought she was going to threaten her with the pistol Amanda had drawn until the end of the barrel had settled underneath Shepard’s own chin.

“I’d rather splatter my own brains past all chance of you reassembling them, than be controlled with a mind chip.” Shepard had vowed grimly, flicking off the safety and settling her finger firmly around the trigger. She had waited a moment to make sure her message was understood before thumbing the safety back on and then lowering the weapon to re-holster it. “But then I’m sure your employer suspected as much which is why he told you not to.” Her light grey eyes, hard and unyielding, had locked with the other woman’s, “Remember this, to you I may have been your project, your subject to salvage, but that ended the moment you woke me up. I’m a person, not a thing to be controlled. Why don’t you pause and think for a moment about how you would like it if someone did that to you.” There had been a reaction then, an obvious flinch that she hadn’t expected from the cold woman, but she hadn’t given Miranda a chance to respond before turning on her heel and leaving.

Her actions had been more than a bit melodramatic, but then her emotions had been running high ever since Jacob had informed her it had been two years since she had died, and then she had found out who exactly had spent so much time and money bringing her back from the dead.

Commander Amanda Athene Shepard had forgotten nothing about what she had learned about Cerberus, the fact that they were responsible for luring thresher maws to attack the colony on Akuze, and the capture and torture of one of the few survivors, Corporal Toombs and the brutal experiments they had conducted on him. She remembered experiments on the rachni, and Thorian creepers. How on Chasca they had deliberately turned the colonist team into husks to study them. That they had murdered Rear Admiral Kahoku when he went after them for planting a false distress beacon which had lured his troops into a thresher maw nest and their deaths.

Then there was their responsibility for the rachni infestations which had killed so many Alliance soldiers on Listening Posts Alpha and Theta. Amanda had been almost convinced that somehow, despite what she and the rachni Queen had shared, she had made a disastrously wrong decision on Noveria until evidence proved that the rachni in question had had escaped from the Cerberus facility at Depot Sigma-23.

Cerberus was a dangerous terrorist organization, and no smooth words from the Illusive Man about only doing what was necessary to protect humanity and keep it strong would ever make her forget that. The ends never justified the means, and history had shown that people who thought that way were responsible for some of the most inexcusable atrocities ever committed throughout human history. Just the thought of working with such a group made her feel soiled.

The reality of being associated with Cerberus had certainly been driven home by her unexpected meeting with Tali. Even though the meeting had been much different that she could have ever imagined, speaking with the quarian woman on Freedom’s Progress had been a very welcome piece of familiarity in this… strange and confusing renewed existence she had woken up within.

“Whatever happens Shepard… it’s good to have you back,” the genuine emotion in Tali’s tone had struck Amanda hard, making her wish that the younger woman had decided to take her up on her offer. It would be nice to have someone around she could trust not to stick a knife in her back if she didn’t do what they wanted.

At least she had been able to protect the traumatized young quarian who had witnessed the Collector’s attack on the colony, and shown Tali that she hadn’t been lying when she said she was working with Cerberus only out of necessity. Still though, the entire encounter had left her feeling slightly hollow, and driven home the loneliness of her current situation. Out of all the crew on this ship, there were only two she knew she could trust, Joker and Dr. Chakwas.

She certainly didn’t trust her too friendly yeoman with a psychology degree who thought that Cerberus’ methods were harsh, but ultimately justified. That had been a jaw dropping statement, and had made her want to ask the woman how in the hell injecting someone with thresher maw acid was justified, or turning people into husks, or any of the other numerous atrocities Cerberus had committed. And as for talking to the overeager woman about any issues she might have… no thank you. Amanda had no desire to share any of her troubles with the Illusive Man and Ms. Lawson, and she had no doubt anything she said to her yeoman, who was either brainwashed or incredibly naive, would be passed onto them.

The crew had been polite to her as she made her first tour of the ship, but it was hard not to notice how their eyes went to her face and then shifted uncomfortably away. Miranda and Jacob hadn't, but presumably they were more used to her appearance or at least had more self control. She tapped the control for the upper deck where her new quarters were located. She hadn’t been there yet, but she would be very surprised if it didn’t have a mirror. It was past time for her to see clearly what she had only seen up until now in the vague reflections she had caught of herself in the window of the station where she had woken and fought. She needed to know…to see how much of herself was left and how much had been replaced.

A few extra bits and pieces Jacob Taylor had commented. Shepard was reasonably sure he had meant it to be reassuring, even though she hadn’t found much reassurance in his words at all. Amanda suspected it was rather more than a few. She remembered dying with a clarity that she wished she didn’t have, the hissing of escaping air from her combat suit that she had noticed as soon as the explosions from the ship had died away. The struggle to reach the back of her suit, try to find some way to stop the escaping oxygen only to realize, as she gasped for each successively harder and harder to take breath, that it was the rebreather itself that was damaged and not just one of the hoses.

She had finally focused on the planet filling up her field of view, her mind sharpening, focusing in the same way it did when she was in the midst of battle, when everything seemed to slow to almost a crawl giving her time to analyze and react what was happening. That clarity of mind had brought with it the realization that she wouldn’t be able escape this, there would be no convenient last second place to hide this time from the death come calling for her. Her struggles stilled, her body going limp as she finally stopped trying to futilely take a breath. There had been a long moment of aching sorrow that she was leaving Liara alone mixed in with a plea to whatever might be listening that the young asari and her crew had gotten away safely and were still alive and unharmed and would remain so until their distress call was answered. As it became harder to focus, she had made a final silent cry of apology that she hadn’t been able to beat this to her lover, felt a chill of worry and fear about the future and the threat of extinction facing all of them… and then everything had faded away. Her surrender to death should have been the end of her life.

Only it hadn't been...

The elevator doors opened and she stepped out into the short hallway. A door on her left, the only one in the hallway, was simply marked Deck 1 and then underneath in smaller lettering, Captain’s Cabin. The door opened and she entered the room taking in the spaciousness of it and of all things two large fish tanks built into the left wall. There was a work area on her right as she first entered separated by a large display case and stairs leading to a lower area where her bed and lockers for her clothing and armor were located. She took in everything with a long glance before turning to the bathroom which was on her immediate right as she first entered her quarters.

Given the bits of logs she had found and listened to during her fight through the station where she had first awoken, Amanda strongly suspected that all the skin on her body had needed replacement. Vacuum and the cold of space were not kind to unprotected flesh. Not to mention what must have happened to her body as the gravity from the nearby planet she had seen filling her vision before she died pulled her down onto its surface.

Entering the small room, she flicked on the light. The expected sink and mirror were indeed there along with a standard ships toilet beside the sink. She moved in front of the sink, looked with resolute grimness into the mirror. Her resolution lasted only a second before shifting into numbed horror. A faint orange light glowed where the open seams between the patches of skin grafts revealed what was underneath, it wasn’t flesh. It wasn't limited to her cheeks and jaw either, the same glow also showed though a long unhealed area on her forehead. Dear God, no wonder the crew had stared at her.

“In an effort to accelerate the process we’ve moved from simple organic reconstruction of the subject to bio-synthetic fusion. Initial results show promise.” Memory rose of listening to the log in numbed disbelief, suspecting strongly that the subject the woman was speaking of was her.

Was this the bio-synthetic Miranda Lawson had been talking about or something else? Cybernetics? Hell how much of her face was even her face anymore? Amanda turned her head to examine her cheek more closely and caught the faint orange glow from deep within the pupils of her eyes. “Ahhh,” Amanda couldn’t stop the horrified sound from escaping her throat as she jerked back from the mirror in startled surprise.

“When I first saw you, you were nothing more than meat and tubes. Anywhere else they would have stuck you in a coffin.” Jacob’s frankness had been numbing, as had his news that she had been… gone for two years.

Shepard swallowed heavily as she remembered the log entry she had found near the shuttle bay, the aborted move by Jacob to prevent her that she had stopped with one hard glare. “Test subject has been recovered but the damage is far worse than we initially feared. In addition to the expected burns and internal injuries from the explosion, subject has suffered significant cellular breakdown due to long term exposure to vacuum and subzero temperatures.”

“I guess there wasn’t much left of my eyes,” in the silence, her own husky sounding whisper startled her. She hadn’t realized she had said her thought aloud. How much of her had been left, she had been…salvageable she knew that but just how much of this body was hers and how much of it wasn’t. With a grim expression she began taking off her clothes, it was time to see what the butcher’s bill was for this. The thought broke a grim bark of laughter from her. She already knew the butcher’s bill, four billion credits, and she had no doubt Cerberus intended to get their full value back out of her.

**Citadel**

“Damn it,” Shepard snarled, wrenching off her helmet and throwing it down on the bed in mingled anger and frustration, while fighting the urge to give into despair. Essentially the Council had informed her that they thought she was crazy for believing that the Reapers existed, and that she had been manipulated first by Saren and now by Cerberus into believing they were a real threat. She couldn’t believe that the turian Councilor had fucking air quoted at her as he said ‘Reapers’. Who the hell had he been hanging around to pick that up?

Then Anderson had shut her out when she tried to ask about Ashley, citing her association with Cerberus. After that she hadn’t felt like baring her soul to him, not about her fears of how human she was now, and not about how it had felt to die and then be brought back to life again. She had left as quickly as possible, feeling more lost, disconnected, and alone than ever.

Shepard had known the Illusive Man was entirely too agreeable to the idea of her seeking out help from the Alliance and Council. She didn’t know if he had done something to nudge events in the direction they had taken, or just known which way the political winds were blowing, but he had definitely been certain the Council and Alliance would be of no help to her. At least she had managed to get them to reinstate her Spectre status, though that was clearly dependent on her keeping her activities with Cerberus and tracking down the Collectors restricted to the Terminus Systems.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By Kudara
> 
> Disclaimer: The Mass Effect universe is the property of Bioware/Electronic Arts. No infringement of these copyrights is intended as this is a not for profit fan fiction work.
> 
> Warning: None
> 
> Notes: This is inspired by the Beyonce song "Save the Hero," from the album I am…Sasha Fierce. This is an Alternate Universe story.
> 
> Rating: Teen
> 
> Feedback: Always welcome, feedback is what encourages me to keep writing. Please let me know what you like and what you dislike about the story.
> 
> Revision History: 03/13/2010; 07/08/2010

**Omega – Normandy, Captain's Cabin**

Shepard looked over her selection of helmets considering which one to wear; they had just docked at Omega Station and from the information she had it was not a nice place. In fact it sounded like a hell hole. If the Illusive Man's information was correct, she would be trying to recruit three members of her future squad from here: a human mercenary, a turian vigilante, and a salarian doctor. Amanda grimaced, except for the doctor, she wasn’t that whelmed with the choices. She would take all three however; it was simple math to know that she needed more of a team than just Miranda and Jacob to have the slightest chance of defeating the Collectors.

The Illusive Man had made it clear that as far as he was concerned her old team was unavailable, he claimed they had all moved on or changed allegiances. Though he did admit Tali'Zorah might be a possibility given her actions on Shepard’s behalf after their meeting on Freedom’s Promise. Garrus was nowhere to be found, and Wrex had gone back to Tuchanka to unite the krogan clans. Amanda found herself both pleased and touched that Wrex had decided to take up what she knew was a monumental task once again. The krogan Battlemaster had attempted it once before, but after his father, Jarrod, had betrayed him Wrex had left Tuchanka, disillusioned with his race and the way most would rather fight and kill than spend the time needed to rebuild their society. It was a decision she had repeatedly urged him to re-consider. After they had reclaimed his family armor from Tonn Actus, Wrex had agreed to think about it; obviously after her death he had decided to try once again.

Shepard was pleased, Wrex had taught her a lot about krogans, and over the course of their tracking down Saren they had become good friends. There had been a number of nights when she had snuck out with Garrus and Wrex and went drinking away from the rest of the crew. Amanda found she could let herself be more than just the Commander with them; she could just be a fellow warrior seeking a moment of relaxation away from the battlefield with them. They had never let on what happened those nights and she never heard any of what was said come back to her, just proving that she had been right about her choice of drinking buddies. She hadn’t been any less close to Tali; it was just that one didn’t take a young quarian barely out of her teens with you to drink with your buddies. One didn’t take a sheltered young asari researcher for whom you had certain interests in and talk about the hell you raised several years earlier either. After she and Liara became lovers, she had often chosen some alone time for them over going out and drinking. She wasn’t stupid after all, and Garrus and Wrex had certainly understood.

As for Garrus’s reported disappearance, Shepard didn’t know what to think about that. She certainly didn’t put it past the Cerberus leader to engage in a bit if misdirection or outright lying to make sure she didn’t go searching for the turian when he didn't think Garrus should be on the team. She would have to keep an ear out, maybe she would hear something or maybe Garrus would search for her himself once he heard news of her reappearance.

Shepard had slipped in her question about Liara between asking about Wrex and Garrus, not wanting to single her lover out over the rest. His answer that she was working as an information broker for the Shadow Broker was enough to make Shepard question the accuracy of his intel. Not that she thought Liara wasn’t capable of it, after all most of what the young asari had done for her entire life up until getting involved with Shepard was piecing together sparse fragments of information and seeing a complex whole that others could not.

The asari maiden had been rather surprised at the way information about the protheans had just fallen into their hands during their race to stop Saren, but the fact was the asari archeologist had already figured out the 50,000 year extinction cycle of the Reapers and that the Protheans had been only the most recent galactic civilization to be wiped out. She had also figured out that the mass relays and Citadel were most likely not created by the Protheans, but by an even older race. No, Shepard could see Liara excelling at collecting and analyzing data no matter what it was, the only question in her mind was why the change away from academia? And why with the Shadow Broker? Shepard couldn’t care less what the Illusive Man thought of that or whether it was a threat to him or not, but the information, if true, concerned her deeply. What had happened to Liara in the two years since her death?

Not that she could even seek out Liara to ask, the ship’s navigational computer held very little data as yet, and tellingly, Illium, where the Illusive Man had said Liara was located, was not one of the places they could use the mass relay system to jump to yet. Shepard wished she had thought to pick up navigational charts while at the Citadel, but after her chilly reception there she had been too upset to think about it and she had left immediately after meeting with Anderson and the Council. With any luck she could correct that mistake here. She didn’t care what the Illusive Man thought, or how he tried to keep her away from Illium, she would find a way there.

The asari’s picture in her quarters was a pretty clear indicator that Cerberus knew or at least suspected that they were in a relationship. She could think of several reasons why they might not want her to have that type of support; it might certainly make it more difficult to manipulate her into believing they were the only ones who would believe in her. The more she thought about it the more she was sure that the Illusive Man was somehow behind the cold reception she had gotten from Councilor Anderson and the Council. She had no idea what lies he had spread about her involvement with Cerberus, but she didn’t think the truth, that she had been a corpse unable to disagree with what they were doing to her, figured much into it.

Shepard shook her head, now wasn’t the time to be thinking about this, Miranda and Jacob were undoubtedly waiting for her at the airlock and wondering what was taking so long. She grabbed her standard N7 helmet, the same one she had worn on the Citadel. The one which hid most of her face, and most importantly the slowly healing skin, that still didn't quite hide the faint orange glow of the synthetic tissue underneath. It was a sight that still left her deeply unsettled, and in the depths of her soul she wondered how much she was still the same person. Wondered if she could be the same person after dying and then being brought back to life, such as it was.

**Normandy – Deck Three, Mess Area**

‘Please let him live, I don’t want to lose him. I know it’s selfish to want him to stay, but…I don’t want to lose my friend.’ The words, mixed entreaty, mixed prayer, chased each other around in Amanda’s mind as she fought to keep from getting up out of her chair and pacing back and forth like a caged animal in front of the medical bay. She knew she was making the crew nervous as it was, sitting in one of the galley chairs, silently waiting, staring at the shuttered windows behind which she knew Dr. Chakwas was fighting to save Garrus's life.

That gasping breath Garrus had made had made her flashback for a moment, the memory so very clear in her mind as if she were there. No, they weren’t in space, and yes there was air to breath, but she knew the struggle with death and she was all too intimately familiar with the fact that will and determination were sometimes not enough to escape it once it came seeking you. She had known that long before her own death, had seen it as she watched the life dim and fade from her mother’s eyes after the batarian raider had shot her.

Her omni-tool beeped quietly, catching her attention, it was a short, but very welcome message from Dr. Chakwas: I just finished Garrus’s surgery. I won’t know for certain for a few more hours, but I believe there is a very good chance he will recover completely.

Amanda closed her eyes, let out a breath that shook only slightly. Thank you, her soul whispered to the universe.

**Omega Station - Afterlife**

Given how the initial few minutes of their first meeting had went, Shepard hadn’t expected that she and Aria T’Loak would have anything do with one another other than keep out of each other’s way. Though she certainly didn’t mind looking at the asari, Aria was beautiful and had an aura of power and control about her that Amanda wasn’t above admitting that she found intriguing. And that was all she expected there would be between she and the asari, respectful avoidance and a remote appreciation of the asari’s beauty and persona, which was why it came as somewhat of a surprise to Shepard when she found herself actually liking Aria and the subtle thrust and parry of their conversations with one another. That liking and what seemed to be the foundations of a tentative respect for one another was why, once she knew Garrus would be alright, she returned to Afterlife and handed over the data pad with the information that the mercenary organizations had been plotting to take out the asari after dealing with Archangel.

Shepard knew it would be plain foolishness to trust Aria, the woman was too self-serving for that, but something about the asari whispered to Shepard that there was more to Aria than the face the asari presented to the world. Something worth getting to know, and if she wasn’t entirely delusional, it seemed as if the asari might actually like her in return. Of course, taking care of Aria’s mercenary problem in the process of saving Garrus might have had something to do with the slight softening of the asari’s attitude toward her. Shepard didn’t want to tally the number of mercenaries that had died in the hours or so that she, Miranda and Jacob had fought alongside Garrus. She was happy to leave it at many…very many. She doubted there were enough Eclipse, Blue Suns or Blood Pack members left on Omega right now to give Aria any substantial trouble for at least the immediate future.

She liked Aria enough that when one of the asari’s lackeys asked her to escort an old enemy she kept around as an example of what happened to those who crossed her to safety, she had frowned but agreed to do something about the situation. Whether or not that would be an action Aria would approve of was up in the air until she met this krogan. Shepard couldn’t approve of keeping someone around as an example, as a trophy of their victory, especially a krogan to whom being dead would be preferable to being kept around to be displayed. It was more than a little disillusioning to know that Aria would do something like that.

As soon as she walked into the dimly lit room, and heard what the krogan in question was saying though, her sympathy towards him took a severe nose-dive. The old krogan was pacing back and forth in front of a turian and asari while offering his advice to them on how to deal with an enemy. Hearing him suggest that they murder someone’s entire family just to make sure they came out mad and easier to kill didn’t make her inclined to lift a finger to help the old krogan, no matter how much he complained about how Aria had left him alive only as a trophy and a warning. If it hadn’t been for that, she might have offered to act as the old krogans krannt and taken out the Blood Pack members hunting him herself. It would have given Patriarch back some of his honor even if it wasn’t exactly what Aria wanted. Wrex wouldn’t have made that suggestion, he didn’t believe in killing those not involved in the fight. His tale of his battle with Aleena and how the two of them had arranged to fight somewhere innocents would not be caught in the crossfire had made that clear to her. If the family came after him then certainly he would kill them, but he wouldn’t attack them first just to get at his target.

“So you kept him around as a trophy,” Shepard didn't bother to hide the note of censure in her tone.

Aria's head turned, the asari finally looking directly at her. Clear blue eyes narrowed on the Spectre, “I did...as a trophy and an example. Whenever someone thought about taking me on, I pointed them to Patriarch.” She paused briefly before continuing, “Dignity is the one of the few commodities not available on Omega,” Her tone was more serious than usual and Amanda suddenly wondered if Aria included herself in that statement. After all, Aria had made it quite clear that she and the asari with her had traded sex for loyalty to win over Patriarch’s muscle. Most likely that was still one of the methods Aria still used to stay in power. Something of her thoughts must have showed, for Aria's eyes narrowed and she looked annoyed. “Did you need something else?” her voice held an edge.

Shepard received the message loud and clear, besides no fucking with Aria, there was to be no feeling sorry or anything like that for her either. Given the image of strength and power the asari cultivated that was not surprising to Shepard, and she knew it was time to let the subject drop before she alienated the woman. “No, nothing else,” she turned to leave.

“You should find a nice young man to keep you warm Shepard, you look like you need to loosen up a little,” Aria threw out the sly sounding comment before she took more than a few steps.

Shepard turned, eyebrow raised. She studied the asari for a moment, and then smirked, “Though I’ll admit to learning to appreciate the aesthetic appeal of a nicely fit male body,” stirred by her words, a few rather evocative images popped into her mind of certain encounters from several years ago. Her smirk deepened, and for just a brief moment her expression uncannily matched that of the watching asari. Her attention snapped back to the present and the asari who was watching her with keen and now slightly curious blue eyes. “I have always strongly preferred the feminine form over any male,” Shepard continued, just as if she hadn’t gotten noticeably distracted by her own thoughts for a second. “No matter what else, I know that particular fact hasn’t changed. So I’ll pass on that suggestion, but thanks for the thought.”

Surprise briefly showed in Aria’s eyes at her frankness and then the asari her tilted her head back and for the first time she laughed as if she actually meant it. “Try one of the dancers then,” Aria suggested, “I'm sure there are several who would be happy to help you with your tension issues.”

There wasn't really a response to that other than to smile, shake her head and leave.

Though it had been amusing for a moment, the comment only made Amanda miss Liara even more than before. Something she would have thought was impossible because the absence of the asari by her side was a constant aching void within her. She didn't want a casual encounter with one of the dancers. She wanted the asari that she loved, the quiet and shy scientist that in a battle was amazingly competent with both her weapon and biotics. One that, underneath the shyness and the social awkwardness, was just as strong willed as she. Liara, who thought she had died two years ago and would be rightfully upset with her for not getting in contact with her immediately. Liara, who would not be pleased to find out she was cooperating with Cerberus. The asari had been there for almost all of their run-ins with the pro-human group, and had seen the same things Shepard had seen. Would Liara accept that without the Council or Alliance's help Amanda couldn't figure out any other way to stop the Collectors from abducting more human colonies, much less stop the Collectors and stop whatever plan the Reapers had with the enigmatic race? That even being certain Cerberus had somehow manipulated all of this, this being her current situation where they were the only one’s willing to help her, she was still willing to work with them if it meant saving thousands of human lives?

No wonder she couldn’t condemn Aria, Shepard realized grimly. Both of them were willing to let themselves be used by those they had no respect or liking for if that's what was necessary to achieve their goals.

**Normandy – Deck Two, Briefing Room**

Shepard glanced over Dr. Chakwas’ report as Jacob filled her in on Garrus’s current condition. He didn’t sound as certain of the Doctor’s prognosis of a full recovery as Chakwas had in her brief note to her earlier. She glanced over at the dark skinned man who was standing opposite her with the briefing table between them, her brow creasing with concern. She wouldn’t have gone on her errand if she’d thought the turian was still in any danger.

Before she could question Taylor, the Briefing room opened, surprising both of them. It was Garrus, “Shepard,” the turian greeted her.

Jacob, who had been leaning against the center console, straightened with a surprised sounding chuckle, “Tough son of a bitch,” he commented, sounding impressed, “didn’t think he’d be up yet.”

Shepard saw Garrus’s eyes shift over to the man before returning to her, felt the smile stretching her lips. She didn’t fight it; she wanted him to know how much she was glad that he was here in front of her now, injured yes, but alive.

He entered the room, “Nobody would give me a mirror,” Garrus remarked, while indicating his wounds. “How bad is it?”

Amanda didn’t really care, he was alive. Evidence of his wounds, the protective plate over the back and one side of his head and the raw scrapes on his mandibles, were a chilling reminder of how very close it had been. Still she knew this was not the moment for it, not with Jacob’s eyes on them watching. Instead she smirked at the turian, “Hell Garrus, you were always ugly, slap some face paint on there and no one will notice.”

Her quip caused the turian to laugh and then to wince, “Ahhh, Don’t make me laugh, damn it,” he complained still sounding amused, “My face is barely holding together as it is.”

She knew that feeling, Amanda thought as she watched him reach up and delicately touch the harsh looking scrapes along his jaw. She almost reached up to touch her own, but stopped herself before she did. The synthetic tissue underneath didn’t hurt anymore, with time Garrus’s would stop hurting as well, or at least she hoped it would.

“Some women like facial scarring,” Garrus finally remarked, his voice taking on a sly note of humor. When he paused Shepard raised one eyebrow at him her lips already quirking in amusement, she knew something was coming. “Mind you, most of those women are krogan,” the turian drawled.

Shepard chuckled, feeling warmed, yes, it was wonderful having Garrus back.

Jacob pushed himself away from the table, stiffened to attention and saluted her. She nodded, acknowledging it and watched as the former Alliance soldier left. She knew he meant it as a sign of respect, and she accepted it as such, but he also reminded her of Alenko, and that was a painful reminder of the hard decision she had made on Virmire and the loss of a kind man whose life had ended too soon. She could see the same signs of attraction in Jacob’s dark eyes, and not wanting a repeat of the embarrassing scene with Kadian over Liara, was keeping a very professional distance between them.

Garrus waited until the door had closed behind him before turning back to her, "Frankly, I'm more worried about you.” All signs of humor were gone now, “Cerberus, Shepard? You do remember those sick experiments they were doing?"

Meeting the turian’s gaze she nodded shortly, her jaw setting into a grim line. "That's why I'm glad you're here Garrus. If I'm walking into hell, I want someone I trust at my side."

He stared at her for a moment, and then his mandibles flared slightly into a turian smile, "You realize this plan has me walking into hell, too.” He paused to laugh, a single dry chuckle, “Just like old times."

She smiled back, accepting the lightening of the mood. “I’m fit for duty whenever you need me Shepard.” He continued businesslike, “I’ll settle in and see what I can do with the forward batteries.”

Amanda nodded, “Good, we’ll be upgrading the Normandy’s armor to the new asari Silaris plating within the next few weeks and I’d like to get the weapons upgraded at the same time as well. We know how well it went the last time we tangled with the Collectors with the current ship’s armor and weapons.” She could see the immediate upset in his eyes at the mention of the attack which had taken her life, but it needed to be faced. This was round two, and the Collectors had defeated them handily in round one.

**Omega Station – Quarantined Ward**

As if she wasn’t having enough problems adjusting to being alive again, Shepard thought as she stared down at the dying batarian spewing forth words of hatred and accusing her race of developing this plague as a bio-weapon. Omega certainly wasn’t make things easier for her, she was only too aware of the part of her that urged her to simply walk off and let him die as he deserved, as all batarians deserved. It wasn’t a part of herself that she liked, and was an old, old hatred that she thought she had left behind her years ago.

Damn her dreams, even exhausted they woke her almost nightly with memories of death and dying. Memories of her own death and memories of Mindoir, dreams in which she relived the attack on the colony by batarian slavers, watched as her mother was shot and died only a few feet away from her hiding place. Memories of finally crawling out of the shelving unit where her mother had concealed her, of kneeling beside her mother’s stiffening body and weeping as silently as possible so the batarians wouldn’t find her. Memories of creeping to one of the windows an indeterminate amount of time later, of looking out and witnessing the carnage, the dead bodies of her neighbors and friends. Memories of what she had seen and done before arriving Alliance marines had finally driven the slavers away. Memories which shouldn’t be so immediate, or so intense, or so like the events in them had just occurred instead of happening fifteen years ago.

The batarian was forced to pause his spewing of vitriol hate as a wet hacking coughing took over, he was dying literally at her feet and she was just staring down at him her emotions locked away somewhere deep inside. She was better than this. She knelt, gave him an injection of medi-gel, and ordered herself to push it down to deal with it later. She became aware of Jacob and Miranda eyeing her. Wonderful, they must have noticed that she had come very close to doing nothing and letting the batarian die.

It took them awhile to fight their way through to where the salarian doctor’s clinic was located. The Blue Sun mercenaries seemed intent on trying to kill anyone moving who wasn’t with them and the vorcha fighting them were not any friendlier to her team than they were to the mercs.

Mordin didn’t seem fazed that he was being asked to work with Cerberus; it was their mission against the Collectors that interested him more. Shepard hadn’t expected to run into any of their handiwork on Omega, but Mordin made it clear that the they were one of the few races advanced enough to bio-engineer the plague sweeping though the ward. He was also intrigued by the possibility of there being a link between the abductions of human colonists and the fact that the plague didn’t infect humans.

He had developed a cure, one that could be deployed as an airborne agent by the wards environmental control center. The same environmental control center which was shut down at the same moment the salarian was discussing it. Before she left she even remembered to mention the sick batarian near the wards entrance, she had promised to send help if possible, it made her feel a little better to know she had filled that promise. She would not let her old hatreds consume her, she had struggled with them once and won, she would again.

Her brief talk with the vorcha confirmed it; the Collectors were behind the plague.

Plague cured, Mordin agreed to join them, after of course he finalized a few things at his clinic to make sure it would continue running smoothly in his assistants hands.

Shepard tapped her omni-tool, double checking that she had managed to capture the vorcha’s short speech. She suspected this might count as breaking Aria’s single rule. Even if it didn’t, Shepard suspected the asari would appreciate knowing that the plague had been eradicated and the quarantine could be lifted. She suspected having an entire ward of the station shut down was bad for business.

It had taken them two hours to fight through the ward and cure the plague; it only took them fifteen minutes to make it back to Aria’s forces. One just had to step over the dead bodies in the way. Shepard sighed; she seemed to be leaving a lot of dead bodies behind her these days. Of course they had been mostly fighting geth before; synthetics didn’t make quite such a mess when they were destroyed.

They scanned them quite thoroughly before letting them back through into the main part of the station, but Shepard didn’t blame them. The Collectors plague had been a nasty death.

Aria’s eyes narrowed as soon as she saw them, she waved them back, and her guards enforced the warning by raising their weapons threateningly. “Leave a plague area and come right to me, I’m not sure I appreciate that Shepard.”

She met the asari’s annoyed glare calmly, “Your men guarding the quarantine area scanned us before letting us back in. We’re clean. Besides Mordin had a cure for the plague, we dispersed it using the ward’s environmental control center. You can open it back up whenever you want.”

Aria replied coolly, “So I heard, but I’d still appreciate some space between us until I verify that for myself.”

Shepard nodded, “Understood, I just thought you’d like to know who developed and deployed a bio-engineered plague on your station.”

Aria stared at her, eyes narrowed, gaze weighing. “I would,” she finally agreed.

Shepard brought up her omni-tool, and glanced at the batarian guard nearest the asari. Aria indicated with a smooth, graceful tilt of her head for him to accept the transmission. It was a simple matter to transfer the file to his omni-tool.

With a few taps the batarian opened up the file and began playing it.

“You don’t come here. We shut down machines. Break fans. Everyone choke and die. Then Collectors make us strong.” The recording was better than she expected, Shepard thought, the vorcha’s growling voice came though quite clearly.

“What did the Collectors want?” that was her voice, firm, demanding an answer.

“Collectors want plague. You work for doctor. Turn on machines, put cure in air. We kill you first.” The recording ended with the sound of gunfire.

From the way Aria stiffened, and the seriously pissed look on the asari’s face, Shepard had been right; Aria definitely did not like the idea of her station being used as the location for a Collector experiment. Especially one as fatal and disruptive as the plague had been, if the asari hadn’t acted so quickly to seal off the ward it might have spread to the entire station.

Aria’s scowl lessened after a moment, though her lips still curved downward in a deep frown. The asari stared off into space deep in thought. After several seconds her head raised and her eyes sharpened upon Shepard, “What were they after?”

“Mordin’s research showed that the plague introduced harmful respiratory system mutations. He thinks the Collectors were trying to find out how each species reacted to these mutations, what their tolerance levels were to them. Humans weren’t targeted because they were the control group. Why exactly they wanted the information?” Shepard shrugged, “I have no idea, it’s probably related to the strange requests they’ve made in the past for people who have specific genetic characteristics.” She wasn’t sure that Aria might not find a way to use the information that she planned on going after the Collectors, so Shepard remained quiet about it and its possible link. “Whatever their reasons, I can’t say I like the implications of them researching the results of forced mutations.” Since Aria wasn’t interrupting her Shepard decided to add one more thing, “From the Omega 4 relay, Omega Station’s the closest place they can find a mixed species population, that’s probably why they chose to release it here.”

“Thanks for the information and for helping Mordin.” Aria openly studied her for a few seconds before observing, “You’re a strange mix Shepard, you kill half the mercs on Omega getting Archangel out,” the asari’s eyes went to the scarred turian standing protectively alert behind the Spectre, settling the question of whether or not Aria realized Archangel hadn't been killed as the mercenary groups thought, and had joined her instead. “You find information that they were planning to move against me and hand it over without asking me for anything in return. Then you go into a plague zone and help cure it as well as finding out who’s responsible for it.”

Amanda couldn’t help it, she smirked, “At least I’m not boring to have around.”

Asari didn’t really have brows to arch, that didn’t mean they couldn’t give one a look. “No, I can’t say that,” Aria agreed dryly, “So now that you’ve found everyone you were looking for, are you leaving soon?”

It was so well delivered that Shepard had to laugh, full and rich, the sound overwhelmed the music of the club for a moment with warm merriment. “Yes, as a matter of fact all we’re waiting for is Mordin to tie up a few loose ends and join us, and then we’ll be leaving.” Amanda’s smile slipped for a moment, her eyes shadowed, “Damn,” she quietly commented more to herself than anyone else, “I think that’s the first time I’ve really laughed since…” realizing she had actually said that aloud, Shepard settled for finishing, “well it’s been awhile.”

Aria stared at her, a strangely serious expression on her face, and for some reason Shepard had the idea that the asari had known what she had actually been going to say. That it was the first time she had laughed since she woke up on that table, since she came back to life. The first time she had laughed in over two years. God that was a depressing thought.

“Well, glad I could do something in return for all your help, Shepard,” Aria’s smooth voice broke Amanda out of thoughts.

She mustered up a crooked smile, “That’s all I came by here for, to give you that. We’ll probably be departing in an hour or so.”

“Last chance then to relax with one of the dancers,” the asari responded, “if it has been that long since you laughed you definitely need to loosen up some Shepard.”

She had to smile at that, “I'll pass on that, but thanks for the thought.”

Aria shrugged, “Your loss,” it was a dismissal. Shepard nodded, turned and left, it was time to go. She had two more dossiers, and neither potential recruit thrilled her. She didn't think either would end up being a pleasant surprise like Archangel had turned out.

**Normandy**

When she got back to the ship, Kelly informed her she had messages waiting. One of them was from Dr. Chakwas, who had sent her a note informing her that her skin was being so stubborn about healing because of a reaction between her cybernetic systems and organic. The doctor included schematics for a piece of medical equipment that would help with the healing if they didn’t heal on their own. It was an expensive piece of equipment though, and one that Shepard was loath to spend the resources on as it would only benefit herself. She’d rather see if they healed on their own, which Chakwas indicated was very possible, given that her face already looked much better than it had even a week ago. If she didn't look, or touch the places on her body where the skin wasn't fully healed she could even forget about the reality of it for a time.

Now if only her dreams and memories weren't so vivid, and if they would stop filling her mind, forcing themselves into her consciousness at any moment they desired. She wasn't only dreaming of dying, she was also dreaming about her mother's death, something she had thought she had finally come to terms with years ago. She knew she should probably talk with Dr. Chakwas about this but...she didn't know how much Cerberus was monitoring the Doctor. Her shoulders slumped, actually she did, she was certain they were monitoring everything she did, and a visit to the doctor to talk about her dreams and the strange way her memories would suddenly surface at any slight provocation and how intense, real and immediate they felt would certainly be reported to Cerberus.

Neither her memory issues nor her dreams seemed to be getting any worse, and besides the broken sleep, didn't seem to be physically harmful. She could wait, Shepard decided, see if the situation resolved itself without letting anyone know she sometimes felt like her memories were all jumbled up in her head and were slowly driving her crazy. Memories of her sixth birthday should not be this clear and they definitely shouldn't seem as immediate as what happened yesterday.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By Kudara
> 
> Disclaimer: The Mass Effect universe is the property of Bioware/Electronic Arts. No infringement of these copyrights is intended as this is a not for profit fan fiction work.
> 
> Warning: Angst
> 
> Notes: This is inspired by the Beyonce song "Save the Hero," from the album I am…Sasha Fierce. This is an Alternate Universe story.
> 
> Rating: Teen
> 
> Feedback: Always welcome, feedback is what encourages me to keep writing. Please let me know what you like and what you dislike about the story.
> 
> Revision History: 02/28/10

**Dreams**

The battle so far had been fierce, but not as challenging as Shepard had first feared. Matriarch Benezia's asari commandos were indeed strong, well-trained biotics. Unfortunately for them however, they hadn't paid as much attention to the quality of their weapons or armor. It left them with a definite tactical weakness, at least against Shepard's squad, which was using the most advanced armor and weaponry the Commander could procure.

Liara was just as skilled and strong a biotic as any one of the commandos, and the young asari helped hold them off with biotic singularities, lifts and throws, while Shepard and Tali's superior weaponry tore through their shields and armor and left them dead or dying. Doubtless, the battle was not going quite as Benezia had expected given the arrogant manner with which the matriarch had taunted Shepard at the beginning, "Have you ever faced an asari commando unit before? Few humans have."

Wave after wave of both commandos and geth came at them only to be cut down within minutes. Eventually the attacks stopped and the small team was free to concentrate on Benezia. The matriarch hadn't moved from the platform beside the rachni queen's enclosure during the entire battle, and Shepard had to wonder at her tactics. Benezia's attacks were powerful, but also easily avoided as one could see the surge of aimed biotic energy headed your direction from the platform in time evade them. Also, the asari matriarch had focused her efforts on Shepard, and the Commander was certainly experienced enough to both fight the commandos and geth as well as keep an eye out for Benezia's biotic attacks. Not the best tactical choice, the matriarch should have taken out the least experienced members of the team first and then let her commandos overrun Shepard. That would have likely been a very different battle with not as good an outcome for the small team. Shepard was thankful that Benezia hadn't thought about it.

There was another possibility of course, a more optimistic one. What if Liara's mother wasn't as unmoved by her daughter's presence as she had claimed? What if the matriarch's indoctrination wasn't entirely complete? The three of them approached the central raised platform carefully, but no attack came, instead they found Benezia kneeling, holding onto the console while biotic energy swirled around her. The asari matriarch had completely fatigued herself with her attacks.

"This is not over, Saren is unstoppable," Benezia used the console to rise to her feet, "My mind is filled with his light. Everything is clear." The matriarch didn't turn around, but stared at the rachni queen in the clear tank before her as she spoke.

Watching the elder asari intently, Shepard responded, "The rachni didn't cooperate with you, why should I?" She was starting to believe that her earlier thought that Benezia's indoctrination wasn't entirely complete was actually true, otherwise why this effort to convince the both of them that he was in control?

That got a reaction from the asari, Benezia turned her face toward her, and their eyes met for a brief moment before the matriarch turned away to face the tank again. "I will not betray him." Abruptly she slumped forward, bracing herself with a hand on the console nearby. "You will... you..."

Benezia straightened, and Shepard tensed, preparing for the asari to attack again. But no attack came, instead the matriarch turned around and faced them, "You must listen," she pleaded. "Saren still whispers in my mind. I can fight his compulsions..." she lowered her head, her tone strained, "briefly, but the indoctrination is strong."

Shepard exhaled a breath in relief, this was Benezia, Liara's mother, and not the indoctrinated shell of the woman they had faced before, "We freed Shiala from the Thorian on Feros, she told us about Saren's indoctrination." Was that a flash of surprise? Surely Benezia must already know that they had destroyed both the geth ship and the Thorian. Perhaps it was a surprise to the matriarch that Shiala still lived.

"It is a terror to be trapped within your mind," Benezia's blue eyes, filled with pain and sorrow, met Shepard's own, "To beat upon the glass as your hands torture and murder. I was powerless, nothing but a tool for Saren. He sent me here to find the location of the Mu relay. Its position was lost thousands of years ago."

Shepard frowned, "How does something like that go missing?" Relays were really, really big, how could you possibly lose one?

"Four thousand years ago a star nearby went supernova, the shock wave propelled the relay out of its system but did not damage it. Its precise vector and speed are impossible to determine. As millennium passed the nebula created by the nova enveloped the relay. It is difficult to find any cold object in interstellar space, particularly something swathed in hot dust and radiation," Benezia explained.

Shepard frowned, trying to piece together where this was going, "Someone on Noveria found it?"

The matriarch shook her head, "Two thousand years ago the rachni inhabited that region of our galaxy. They discovered the relay. The rachni can share memories across generations. Queens inherit the knowledge of their mothers. I took the location of the relay from the Queen's mind." Benezia's eyes fell to the floor, "I was not gentle," shame and remorse filled her voice as she confessed this.

Beside Shepard, Liara made a distressed noise, and in that moment Amanda regretted that she had agreed to the young asari's request that she be a part of the team that confronted her mother. There was nothing to be done about it now though, the confession was already spoken and hung heavily in the air between mother and daughter.

Shepard finally found her wits enough to ask, "How did the rachni find it?" breaking the silence.

Benezia's eyes shifted from her daughter to the Spectre, and if Shepard wasn't imagining things the matriarch looked relieved. "They searched patiently," Benezia answered, "They are territorial creatures, driven to close any possible way to their systems."

"Why does Saren need the Mu relay?" the crux of the matter, Shepard knew it had to have something to do with finding the conduit.

"He believes it will lead him to the conduit. I would tell you more if I could," she replied apologetically, "but Saren did not share his council with me. I was merely a servant to his cause," bitterness colored the asari matriarch's last words. The defeat of a powerful woman who had once thought she could turn Saren away from his destructive path, only to be entrapped within it.

"You can still make it right," Her voice strong and sure, Shepard sought to persuade the matriarch, "give me the information."

Her persuasive skills were not needed in this instance though, "I was not myself, but I should have been stronger." Benezia strode forward as Shepard watched her alertly. "I transcribed the data to an OSD," she held out the disk, "take it please."

"Knowing the relay's coordinates is not enough," Liara finally spoke to her mother as Shepard took the disk from the matriarch and tucked it away for safekeeping, "Do you know where he planned to go from there?"

"Saren wouldn't tell me his destination. But you must find out quickly," Benezia urged, "I transmitted the coordinates to him before you arrived." The matriarch swayed and looked ill immediately after saying this, something was wrong. Benezia's eyes met Shepard's, "You have to stop...me!" Benezia's words were a plea and a command to the Spectre. She bowed her head, "I... I can't! His teeth are at my ear!" Benezia looked to be in agony, her hands raised to press against her head. She turned away, took a few steps, "Fingers on my spine!" "You should…" she cried out in pain, "you should…".

'No, no, no, fight harder…I don't want to do this,' Shepard watched in despair as Liara's mother faltered, and Saren's indoctrination fought to take the matriarch over again.

"Mother! I…Don't leave! Fight him!" Liara's voice was high, frightened and desperate as she stepped forward towards her mother.

Benezia twisted her upper body, turning back toward her daughter, "You've always made me proud, Liara."

'Oh shit!,' Shepard thought, that sounded like a goodbye to her, which meant that the part of Benezia that the asari Matriarch had kept free of Saren's control was losing the battle. Sensing what was about to happen, Shepard began moving. The one thing a biotic almost never expected was for someone to close with them; they were too used to people trying to keep their distance.

The asari matriarch turned around and it was immediately obvious that Liara's mother was gone and Saren's puppet was back. Biotics flaring, Benezia commanded "DIE!" her voice and eyes cold. Then, her eyes widening with surprise, the matriarch realized exactly how close Shepard was, but before she could react a sharp punch to the jaw knocked her to the floor.

She would keep Liara's mother sedated and unconscious for the entire trip back to the Citadel if she had to, Shepard resolved, looking down at the barely conscious asari. Surely Saren's indoctrination could be broken. Unfortunately for her plans however, several asari commandos, reserves perhaps, rushed in at that moment and began to attack them. Concentrating their weapons fire, the commandos drove the three of them away from the dazed matriarch and into cover further back along the walkways that bordered the room.

The battle that followed was quick and fierce, Benezia finally joining in with her commandos as soon as she recovered from Shepard's blow. Shepard ordered a quick retreat from the matriarch, preferring to take out her commandos first. There was still a chance that Liara's mother would be able to break the indoctrination a second time.

She had advanced forward of Liara and Tali, and had just taken out one of the two remaining commandos when out of the corner of her eye Shepard caught a glimpse of swirling biotic energy. It was Benezia, and this time, unlike the last, she was focused on her daughter. The matriarch raised her arms preparing to strike, "No!" Shepard yelled raising her pistol and firing at the older asari. Without any barrier or any protective armor to stop or slow them, the projectiles tore through Benezia's body. With an enraged yell the final commando Shepard had been hunting rushed from hiding, firing wildly at Shepard. A few shots dropped the attacking asari, and as soon as the commando fell, Shepard ran, along with Tali and Liara, toward the fallen matriarch. She came to a skidding stop a few feet away from Benezia, looking down at the wounded asari who was slumped on the floor warily, uncertain whether or not the matriarch would continue to attack.

Benezia looked up at her approach, her face marked with pain from her wounds, "I cannot go on. You will have to stop him Shepard."

That was all the proof Shepard needed that Benezia had broken free of the indoctrination again, she dropped to her knees beside the matriarch and brought up her omni-tool to scan her. The matriarch's wounds were serious, she was losing blood rapidly, but with immediate first aid and some luck getting back to Noveria quickly they might not be fatal. "Hold on! We've got medi-gel, we can…"

"No!" Benezia commanded, her tone demanding instant obedience. Shepard stopped, seeing for the first time why Benezia had held so much authority among her people, that had been the voice of a leader. "He is still in my mind," the matriarch explained. "I am not entirely myself. I never will be again," Benezia's voice was colored with a mix of emotions, regret, grief, resignation.

"Mother!" Liara knelt down beside her mother, reaching out to her, helping her lean back. Shepard scooted around immediately, offering herself as a backrest for the wounded asari, cradling Benezia against her chest, the matriarch's head resting in the crook of her arm.

Benezia reached out to her daughter, her fingers grazing Liara's cheek, "Good night Little Wing. I will see you again with the dawn," the matriarch's voice was weak, she was fading fast. Benezia's gaze went unfocused, and Amanda's heart clenched in new and remembered grief, she knew what this meant. "No light, they always said there would be a…" the confused whisper tailed off with a weak gasp, it was Benezia's last breath. Her body slumped and Amanda held the dead.

Blood spread slowly across the floor, pooling underneath her where she knelt. Amanda stared at it fighting off memory and seeking tendrils of remembered horror; it was like her mother's death all over again. Fighting it off, Amanda bowed her head and fought back her own tears even as Liara quietly wept for her mother.

Shepard woke, it took her a moment for her to realize she wasn't on Noveria, wasn't back in the labs fighting Liara's mother, but was aboard the new Normandy. In the darkness broken only on by the stars sparking like diamonds through the window above her, she reached up, touched her face, felt the wetness of tears there.

Except for their unease, and in the turian councilor's case outright disapproval, at her choice to free the rachni queen, the council had labeled the mission a success. They were wrong. Except for freeing the rachni queen and destroying her insane children it had been a failure all around.

There was nothing right about being forced to kill those who were not in control of their thoughts or actions, or being forced to kill the mother of the woman she was falling deeper in love with everyday. There was nothing right about Liara having to watch the light fade from her mother's eyes, or hear the fear and despair in Benezia's voice as everything went dark instead of there being some promised light as the matriarch had expected.

Though Liara had cherished the words her mother had spoken, Shepard also knew that Liara was haunted by what had happened on Noveria. Haunted by her mother's death, of watching her mother's life fade, of watching as Benezia's eyes went dull and sightless. As always when she thought about this Amanda felt helpless and angry at how everything had played out. Despite her best efforts she had failed, she hadn't ever wanted Liara to have that type of memory. She knew only too well how it left wounds within your soul that never fully healed.

Goddess, but she missed Liara. She missed just being able to visit and quietly watch the archeologist as the asari bent over her studies oblivious to the world. They had taken so few moments to be alone together, moments stolen from her duties as Spectre and Commander. Amanda regretted that now, that the need to keep their relationship low key onboard a military vessel had almost made it seem as if they were sneaking around to be together.

Enough was enough, of the initial batch of four dossiers she had two left. As soon as she either succeeded or failed in recruiting them, they would take a short supply run to the Citadel and she would pick up some star charts, ones that included the information for Illium.

 

**Purgatory**

"Welcome to the Normandy Jack. I'm Miranda, Shepard's second-in-command. On this ship we follow orders." Miranda's pacing as she spoke to Jack completely undermined the Cerberus operative's intent with this little speech, Shepard reflected as she watched the two women interact. It betrayed Miranda's inner tension and dislike of having the tattooed biotic aboard, and certainly did exactly the opposite of motivating Jack to trust Miranda or follow her orders in the future.

Miranda was a more than competent administrator and a decent leader so long as everyone already acknowledged her right to lead and followed her orders perfectly. However, actual life was seldom like that, people weren't mechs. They didn't follow orders perfectly and they instinctively evaluated you, looking for a reason to follow you, and if they didn't find it part of them would always mistrust and doubt your decisions. When you led people into situations that could easily get them killed, it was essential that you had the trust of that deep down animal part of themselves. That part of them had to be certain that obeying your orders, even when their instincts were screaming at them that there was a good chance of dying if they did, was actually their best chance of survival. Your people had to be able to trust in you, and not just in your tactical ability.

That was where Miranda failed spectacularly, and she didn't even seem to understand that she needed to instill that type of trust in the people she led. It was a rather glaring weakness in the woman, and Shepard had to wonder why the Illusive Man had never addressed it and what projects Miranda had lead in the past that she was still blind to the need for it. It was also something she needed to address soon, and the only reason she hadn't yet was because she didn't feel as if Miranda was ready to listen to her. The Cerberus operative didn't trust her, and Shepard couldn't blame her, because Shepard would indeed betray Cerberus the first opportunity she got to do so that wouldn't jeopardize the mission. And Miranda was more loyal right now to Cerberus than she was to Shepard, which Shepard mused was perhaps something she needed to work upon.

Jack's response pulled her sharply out of her thoughts, "Tell the Cerberus cheerleader to back off Shepard." Amanda had to fight back the urge to smile at that, it was so true. Jack continued, "I'm here because of our deal."

"Miranda will let you into the system," Shepard responded, keeping her manner calm and controlled. "Let me know what you find," a note of sincerity added to that, and she wasn't acting, she was curious to find out exactly why Jack hated Cerberus so much.

"Hear that precious," Jack taunted Miranda, "We're going to be friends." Her tone shifted to one more that was more serious and threatening, "You, me, and every embarrassing little secret." The two women stared at one another, each one making it obvious they didn't like the other one bit. This was going to be a problem and a headache, Shepard knew, fighting back the urge to snap angrily at the both of them for falling into behavior that was more suited to two teenagers posturing at each other. "I'll be reading in the hold, or somewhere in the bottom," Jack turned and walked toward the door, "I don't like a lot of through traffic, keep your people off me." The woman added without looking back at either of them.

Shepard watched as Jack strode out of the briefing room, her walk cocky as she had gotten what she wanted. Access to the files Cerberus had on her. She turned to the angry woman standing across from her.

Miranda was definitely upset, "You shouldn't have given her those files," the black haired woman said tersely.

It was time to get her second in command to think instead of merely reacting to Jack. "You do realize that the Illusive Man couldn't have expected us to pick her up and her just agree to work with us because he paid for her to be released right?" Shepard pointed out, "Especially given her very antagonistic attitude toward Cerberus."

Miranda frowned at her, her gaze becoming less angry and more thoughtful. "You think he knew she would ask for the information?" She sounded doubtful.

Shepard shrugged, "I'm just saying he had to have known we would have to give her a reason to work with us, and it would have to be something she wanted badly enough." She paused a moment for that to sink in, "He strikes me as the type of person who thinks several moves ahead, and he did give us the dossier on her."

It sounded like the perfect note upon which to leave the conversation, so that's exactly what she did, she turned and left the room. The longer she worked with him the more certain Shepard was that Illusive Man was a master manipulator, and Miranda needed to open up her eyes and realize this as well.

And as for thinking instead of reacting, maybe it was time to take her own advice. Shepard was certain that he was behind the reaction she had gotten from Anderson and the Council. She knew the best way to keep control of a battle was to keep the enemy off balance, and she was definitely off balance right now without her usual support structure and surrounded by people she couldn't trust.

Her light grey eyes narrowed, there had to be some way to reclaim control of her own fate no matter the steps the Illusive Man had taken from behind the scenes and doubtless before she had ever been wakened to prevent her from being anything but his puppet. He had known that she would accept the responsibility for stopping the Collector attacks, she couldn't do anything else and remain true to herself, and he was using that to control her. She was absolutely certain of it. The Illusive Man reminded her of a quote from Sun Tzu, 'Be extremely subtle to the point of formlessness. Be extremely mysterious, to the point of soundlessness. Thereby you can be the director of your opponent's fate.'

He was certainly the director of hers right now, and she couldn't immediately see a way to wrestle control back from him. She would find a way though, she just had to keep looking for it. It was after all what she was good at, figuring out a way to win where others thought the battle already lost. In the meantime she would be patient, and hold in mind another quote from Sun Tzu, 'Thus it is in war the victorious strategist only seeks battle after the victory has already been won, whereas he who is destined for defeat fights first and only afterward looks for victory.'

Doubtless the Illusive Man knew that one as well. She would have to be cautious in any move she made, and things were not helped by the fact that she was not only being monitored by Lawson and Yeoman Chambers, but by the ship's AI who ran the internal surveillance equipment and regularly sent reports back to the Illusive Man on what was occurring inside the Normandy.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By Kudara
> 
> Disclaimer: The Mass Effect universe is the property of Bioware/Electronic Arts. No infringement of these copyrights is intended as this is a not for profit fan fiction work.
> 
> Warning: None
> 
> Notes: This is inspired by the Beyonce song "Save the Hero," from the album I am…Sasha Fierce. This is an Alternate Universe story.
> 
> Rating: Teen
> 
> Feedback: Always welcome, feedback is what encourages me to keep writing. Please let me know what you like and what you dislike about the story.
> 
> Revision History: 03/02/2010

**Zaeed: The Price of Revenge**

It wasn't as if Shepard didn't understand being driven to hunt someone down for the wrongs they had done. She had chased Saren across the galaxy for his betrayal of the Council, and for his betrayal of his oath as Spectre to uphold the safety of the galaxy and be the protector of galactic peace.

But as she had said to Garrus long ago, do things right, not fast and just because you could break the rules and get away with it didn't mean that you should break them. If anything the fact that Spectres didn't have to obey the law meant to Shepard that she had to hold tighter to her morals, and that she would voluntarily follow the rules up until the point that they clearly jeopardized her mission and/or her oaths to protect the Council, the galaxy, and galactic peace. Case in point, working with Anderson to steal the Normandy so she could follow him to Ilos after the Council and Udina had grounded her. That had definitely been one moment during which she had not followed the rules at all, had not even obeyed the Council, all because she knew that doing so would endanger the galaxy.

Zaeed was reckless and ruthless. She could still hardly believe that the bastard had set the refinery afire, endangering the workers they were supposed to free just on the off chance that it might kill Vido. Burnt alive, not a nice death at all, and then he hadn't cared one bit that he put the workers in danger, that others, innocents, would pay the highest price for him to get his vengeance. She had been so furious with him that she had turned and headed into the refinery to turn on the fire suppression system before she gave into the impulse to pull her weapon on him and kill him right then and there, both for what he had done and for how callous he was about it.

Shepard had managed to find her way through the flames and turn on the fire suppression system, and it hadn't taken her very long at all. Unfortunately, after that there had been a lot of Blue Sun mercs to fight their way through and Vido had managed to escape while they died to cover his retreat.

Then there had been the little scene on the shuttle pad after Zaeed had spent his entire clip firing after Vido's gunship. Shepard had no idea if he had actually hit anyone or anything vital, the vehicle hadn't seemed to be damaged. That was not surprising, gunships were heavily armored. There had been their little standoff with weapons drawn on each other that had been interrupted by an explosion from the refinery and a beam that had sailed thought the air and landed on the mercenary pinning his legs. At the time it had been poetic justice as far as Shepard was concerned.

"You know if you hadn't blown up the refinery, you wouldn't be under that beam right now," she commented, staring at him coolly.

"Screw you," he growled at her, "now get this off me and let's get out of this shit hole."

Shepard knelt and stared him in the eye, "I'm not sure I need someone like you on my ship." She had been entirely serious, she was very close to telling him they would swing by Omega and he would be off her ship.

He stared right back and she could see the lack of respect he had for her in the way he did it. "If you didn't need me, Cerberus wouldn't have paid my fee. I'll do what I was paid to do, nothing more, nothing less. Now stop screwing around! Let's go!" He was still trying to give her orders, as he had throughout the entire mission. This attitude of his wouldn't work, there was only one leader here and it wasn't him.

She stood and backed away from him, staring down at him and allowing her displeasure to show, "You put your own goals ahead of the mission. That's not the way this works." Her tone was stern, unyielding, the tone she would use with a disobedient marine who had fucked up royally. There was nothing but the Commander standing in front of him now.

Zaeed was the one to break their staring contest first, he lowered his gaze and actually unbent enough to explain, "I've survived this long watching my own back. No time to worry about anyone else."

If asked exactly why she had done what she had done next, Shepard couldn't have explained it; she wasn't entirely sure why it had worked herself. Only instinct and the things Zaeed had said earlier about Vito having shot him in the head prompted her to take a step forward and pull her pistol. She pointed it at him, only a few inches from his face, conscious of Garrus jerking and staring at her in surprise. "You're part of a team now Zaeed. There's no way we can do this unless we're all working together."

She had let him stare at the business end of the pistol and her for a few seconds before moving it away. It had almost been like dealing with a krogan, having a diplomatic way with words didn't generally get you very far with them. You had to back up your words with a show of strength before they believed you were actually serious about what you were saying.

"You have a point," he allowed, "I'm not done with Vido, but I can put that behind me long enough to get your mission done."

Shepard holstered her pistol and bent down to lift the beam off his legs. It was easier than she had expected, Zaeed hadn't been able to shift it and the man was definitely not weak. She couldn't deny that Cerberus had done a very good job rebuilding her body; she was quite a bit stronger, faster and her reflexes were quicker than before. Still, thinking about it made her feel distinctly uneasy; it would take a lot of reinforcement of bone and replacement or enhancement of muscle tissue to enable a human female to lift a beam that heavy. The fact that she had done it just made it clear the amount of cybernetics and bio-synthetics that had gone into rebuilding her body. She didn't feel entirely human anymore and every time she did something that she couldn't have before she died that feeling only grew. Shepard sighed, there wasn't anything she could do about it, she had the body she had now and she simply had to deal with it. At least there was a definite silver lining to the whole deal; she wasn't spending as much time in the medical bay these days and she wasn't bruised and stiff for days after each battle.

As for Zaeed, she still wasn't sure that she had made the right decision, but she would give the mercenary the opportunity to prove he was focused on the mission and not on his revenge. As for his loyalty to her, she wasn't sure she even wanted it, but these days she shouldn't afford pass up any opportunity to bring the crew around firmly to her side and the man was a damn good fighter.

"EDI"

"Yes commander?" Normandy's AI responded promptly.

"Keep an eye out for information on the Blue Suns and their leader Vido Santiago, and let me know if you come across anything. Also, send a notification to Zaeed that you are doing so by my order."

She didn't mind throwing Zaeed a bone. If it didn't jeopardize the mission and if there weren't any innocent bystanders around to get hurt in the crossfire, she didn't mind going after Vido for him again if the opportunity arose.

"That's all I needed EDI, thank you," she said belatedly, realizing the AI was probably waiting for her to either give more instructions or indicate she was done.

"Logging you out, Shepard."

She rose to from her desk; it was past time she took up an old habit. Doing the rounds of her team, seeing how they were doing. Spending some time with each of them and making the effort to get to know them, to understand what motivated each and what their potential weaknesses were that she needed to address.

Shepard had barely spent any time with Mordin, Zaeed or Jack, and only a little more with Garrus, Miranda and Jacob. She would leave Zaeed alone today unless he sought her out to ask about EDI's message.

 

**The Crew**

Shepard used to keep her observations about the crew in an encrypted file onboard the ship's computer, but that wouldn't do for the new Normandy. She would just have to keep it all in her head. Currently her mental file on each of the crew went something like this:

_Miranda Lawson_ – Genetically engineered by her father and raised to be his replacement, she sought out and joined Cerberus as a teenager in exchange for protection from him. Miranda had a high level of loyalty to Cerberus, and quite possibly saw the Illusive Man as some type of mentor. Shepard was unsure whether or not the woman knew the true extent of some of Cerberus' shadier activities. No matter what, she knew she needed to progress cautiously as any questioning of Cerberus' actions incited a defensive response from the woman, most likely because Miranda had a lot of her identity invested in her role as a trusted member of Cerberus.

Personal notes: If she could see Miranda's brain activity, Shepard was sure she would see reward centers light up whenever Miranda rejected anything which might put Cerberus in a negative light. Her XO would be her toughest one to wean away from Cerberus.

 

_Jacob Taylor_ – Former Alliance. Loyal to Miranda due to their past missions together. If she could find evidence that Cerberus wasn't what the Illusive Man claimed it was Shepard hoped that Jacob would willingly leave them.

Personal notes: She needed to proceed very cautiously so as not to give any false impressions that she was personally interested in the man.

 

_Garrus Valkerian_ – It was becoming more and more evident to Shepard exactly how bitter and vengeful Sidonis's betrayal of his team on Omega had made the turian. His current behavior reminded her of how he had been about Dr. Saleon, so set on coldly executing the salarian that he had been surprised when she insisted they bring the salarian in for questioning and a trial. Only this time it was worse, what Sidonis had done was personal to him, and it was clear that he had a deep need to deliver justice in the form of a bullet.

Personal note: Shepard was very worried about her friend. She hated seeing him so hurt and angry, but she understood it too. Something told her she was just going to have to play this one by ear and hope that inspiration struck during crunch time. She just hoped that their friendship was strong enough for him to allow her to help him.

 

_Mordin Solus_ – Brilliant scientist, former member of salarian Special Tasks Group. His last task for them included releasing an altered version of the genophage on Tuchanka because the krogan were adapting to the original.

Personal note: Shepard couldn't think of a single time she'd ever been as conflicted after a short conversation as she had been today. Talking to Wrex it seemed so simple; the genophage caused krogan mothers to have stillborn children, surely a heartbreaking thing to do to any female. It devastated the krogan people, making them loose all hope that their race could surive and turning them into mercenaries that hated all of galactic society for being complicit in the crime committed against them.

Then there had been Patriarch, certainly overhearing him talk about pre-genophage birthing pools and the young taking up their first weapons and killing off their weaker siblings didn't raise images of krogan mothers and fathers grieving for every lost child. It sounded more like there were so many children in each birthing that their parents didn't really care about them individually at all.

Now Mordin, who sounded so sincere in defense of the genophage, was saying it was the only way to allow the krogan to live at all; otherwise they would multiply so fast that once again the galaxy would unite against them and this time they might simply kill them all. He was convinced the genophage was the only answer to that, it kept krogan birthrates to pre-industrial levels, and made sure there were never enough krogan to present a threat to galactic peace while still preserving them as an existing race.

Amanda wasn't sure what to think anymore; certainly she'd met enough krogan to know they weren't all like Wrex, and that Mordin might be entirely right when he predicted they would do the exact same thing as they had before if the genophage was cured. The galaxy didn't need the Second Krogan Rebellions and neither did the krogan.

 

_Jack_ – Raised in a Cerberus research facility from which she escaped as a child. Shepard wasn't certain what they had done to the younger woman, but she knew that Jack dreamed of hunting them down and killing them for it. Safe to say it hadn't been anything good.

Personal note: Jack was a living testament as to why Shepard hated Cerberus and why she was certain the Illusive Man was nothing but an immoral megalomaniac. Torturing children rated about as low as you could possibly go in Shepard's book of grievous offenses to both mortals and the Creator/God/Goddess. As for Jack herself, she was an abuse survivor, and obviously decided that her best bet was to kill anyone she thought was a threat before they had the chance to kill her. So long as Shepard didn't get on her bad side, she didn't think she needed to worry about anything but Jack killing Miranda.

 

**Okeer**

Shepard was glad that she hadn't had to deal with Okeer; she doubted he would have ever accepted her command, or put aside his own goals in favor of completing the mission. Everything Wrex had taught her about krogans and the information the Illusive Man had sent about him had set up red flags in her mind that this krogan would be a constant source of trouble for her. She already had Jack, she didn't need another disruptive force on the team demanding her attention and draining her energy. But then perhaps that's what the Illusive Man had wanted, Shepard's eyes narrowed as she considered that, if she were constantly distracted by issues with her team she wouldn't have any energy left to think about other things. Hmm…a possibility she would definitely have to consider further.

She hadn't known much about krogans when she hooked up with Wrex to go up against Fist. She hadn't known how lucky she had been that it had been Wrex and not another krogan she had recruited. He was far more forward thinking and adaptable than the average krogan, and, as they became friends, he had taught her a lot about his race and how to deal with them and how to tell which ones would be more trouble than help to her.

As for the asari helping Okeer…what were the odds on running into the same asari who had opened Saren's personal lab for her on Virmire. If Rana Thanoptis hadn't, Shepard doubted she would have ever realized the lab was there. With Ashley and Captain Kirrahe's team under fire, Shepard had been taking the most direct route she could find through Saren's facility. She had been solely focused on her goal of taking out the second AA tower and allowing Normandy to land and place the improvised bomb to blow up Saren's lab.

Without Rana pointing the area and its significance out to her, Shepard would have never taken the time to explore the area. She would have never known there was another beacon or obtained the message from it filling in the missing gaps from the first and completing her understanding that the message was a warning about the Reapers and a starchart leading the way to Ilos where a group of Prothean scientists had hidden from the Reaper attack.

She would have never spoken to Sovereign, or realized the true extent of the danger facing the galaxy. She would have been stymied on where to go next, how to track Saren past Virmire. She would have been caught flat footed when Sovereign attacked the Citadel having never been to Ilos, never talked to Vigil, never found out the Citadel was actually a mass relay linked to dark space where the rest of the Reapers waited for it to open and start their invasion. She would have never obtained the virus from Vigil that allowed her to take back control of the Citadel and open the station's arms so the Alliance could attack and destroy the Reaper.

Without Rana Thanoptis pointing out Saren's lab and opening it for her to explore, Sovereign probably would have succeeded, and they would now be in a desperate fight for their lives against the entire Reaper fleet. For that reason, and the fact that the scientist was unarmed and had turned off the security cameras for them, she had let the asari scientist go with only a stern warning to choose her next job more carefully.

But speaking of krogans, there was Okeer's 'son' waiting in the cargo hold. A complete unknown and something the Illusive Man probably hadn't foreseen. Shepard got into the elevator and took it down to the fourth deck, engineering. The krogan was in the port cargo hold. She stepped into the room and walked up to the tank, the 'glass mother' as the one tank-bred krogan who had spoken to them had called it. She examined the figure inside; this was Okeer's pure krogan, bred to ignore the genophage, whatever that meant.

"The subject is stable, Shepard," EDI spoke up, "Integration with onboard systems was seamless."

Curious, she inquired, "Can he see anything in there? Does he know where he is?"

"Unlikely," the AI replied, "current neural patterns indicate minimal cognition. Barring ship wide power loss, the nutrients in the tank could sustain him for over a year."

"What about the imprints Okeer used," she asked, "would they make him think like Okeer?" If that was the case the krogan could just stay in his tank.

"No, Okeer's technology could only impart data, not methods of thinking. The subject may know of his views, but not necessarily share them."

Shepard's eyes narrowed thoughtfully at this news, interesting. "Scans detect anything unusual about him?" she asked next.

"The subject is an exceptional example of the krogan species, with fully formed primary, secondary and tertiary organs, where applicable. No defects of any kind, aside from the genetic markers of the genophage present in all krogan. I cannot judge mental functioning."

Shepard nodded, stepping closer to the tank and giving the armor the krogan was wearing a close examination, identifying its weak spots. The krogan looked young and she had a strong suspicion that the first thing he would do would be to test her, or test himself against her. The two were really closely related in krogan psychology from what she gathered from Wrex.

She reached behind her and drew her pistol, changing the settings to regular ammo. She didn't want to kill him unless she absolutely had to, but she needed to be prepared to use this. She re-holstered the weapon. Then she closed her eyes and centered herself, thinking of who the krogan needed to meet in order to gain his immediate respect and get him to follow her. The Commander yes, but not necessarily the diplomatic one, he needed to meet the experienced marine, the skilled N7 Special Forces leader.

Her light grey eyes opened, "Stand by, I'm going to open the tank and release him," she declared, stepping toward the controls.

"Cerberus protocol is very clear regarding untested alien technology," EDI stated.

Shepard's eyes narrowed, in her current mindset having her orders questioned only annoyed her. Still she explained her reasons, "He's either a powerful addition to the crew or a ticking time bomb. I'd rather deal with it now."

The terseness of her explanation must have made it clear to EDI that she was not going to be dissuaded. "Very well Shepard, the controls are online. The switch…and consequences are yours."

"They always are EDI, that comes along with being the Commander." It was simple fact.

EDI was actually silent for a moment, "Yes, Commander," the AI responded. She sounded surprised? No matter, her attention needed to be focused on the krogan she was about to wake up.

She stepped up to the controls, tapped out the commands to release and wake up the krogan and then took several steps backward away from the tank. She knew the front would open from both the bottom, which would slide down, and the top which would swing up, but she didn't know if the krogan inside would remain there or fall forward. He fell forward onto his knees, coughing and expelling fluid from his mouth.

It took the krogan a few seconds to recover enough to rise to his feet. Shepard wasn't certain how aware the krogan was of his surroundings yet so she approached slowly, watching him closely. Sky blue eyes opened, that was startling. She didn't think she'd ever seen a blue eyed krogan before. Her surprise was unfortunate, she almost missed the focusing of those eyes on her until the last moment and then the krogan growled and charged, picking her up and slamming her against the wall.

Without a hard suit on and only in civilian clothing, that would have certainly stunned and perhaps hurt her before her death. Now it wasn't exactly something she wanted to have happen again, but she was still clear headed, relatively unhurt, and more importantly, she had her pistol drawn and in the krogan's gut. Her feet were on the ground supporting her, and she had her hand on the krogan's forearm stopping him from pressing it against her throat.

She met the krogan's gaze unflinchingly, noting that despite his actions he didn't appear to be enraged. "Human, female. Before you die I need a name."

"I'm Commander Shepard," her eyes narrowed on his, "and I don't take threats lightly. I suggest you relax," she would shoot him if he showed any further sign of aggression toward her.

"Not your name." the krogan clarified, "Mine. I am trained. I know things, but the tank… Okeer couldn't implant connections. His words are hollow. Warlord, legacy, grunt…." The krogan paused for a second, "Grunt was among the last, it has no meaning, it'll do." His gaze focused on her, "I am Grunt, if you are worthy of your command, prove your strength and try to destroy me."

This was the challenge she had expected, prepared herself for. "You wouldn't prefer Okeer or Legacy?" she asked, her tone cool.

"It's short, matches the training in my blood," he responded, "The other words are big things I don't feel. Maybe they fit in your mouth better. I feel nothing for Okeer's clan or his enemies. I will do what I am bred to do—fight and determine the strongest—but his imprint has failed. Without a reason that's mine, one fight is as good as any other. Might as well start with you."

And that was her in; she knew what he wanted now, a place to belong, a worthy opponent, a good fight. All fairly standard desires for a krogan. She met his gaze; spoke honestly, "I have a good ship and a strong crew, a strong clan. You'd make it stronger."

He stared back at her for a long moment and she met his gaze steadily, not backing down and more importantly not showing any fear. "If you are weak and choose weak enemies, I'll have to kill you." Shepard knew that was actually a statement and not exactly a threat, or it was only a threat if she did choose weak enemies. It also meant that he was seriously considering her offer.

"Our enemies are worthy, no doubt about that," no need to even pretend any sincerity, she just let it show. Collectors and Reapers, if there were stronger enemies out there she really didn't want to ever meet them.

"Hmm.. Humph!" the pressure on her hand that had been holding his arm away from her throat eased, "That's acceptable, I'll fight for you."

He drew back, his forearm easing up completely, "I'm glad you saw reason," she commented.

"Hmm?" Only now did he look down and realize that she had had him at weapon point this entire time. He stepped back, "Ha, offer with one hand and arm the other. Wise Shepard, if I find a clan. If I find what I…I want," he nodded to her, "I'll be honored to eventually pit them against you."

Lovely, a krogan compliment, Shepard thought as she watched him stomp away to look around the cargo hold. She knew it really was a compliment, but it just pointed out why krogans could be so difficult to get along with for anyone other than another krogan.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By Kudara
> 
> Disclaimer: The Mass Effect universe is the property of Bioware/Electronic Arts. No infringement of these copyrights is intended as this is a not for profit fan fiction work.
> 
> Warning: Sexual content, angst
> 
> Notes: This is inspired by the Beyonce song "Save the Hero," from the album I am…Sasha Fierce. This is an Alternate Universe story.
> 
> Rating: Mature
> 
> Feedback: Always welcome, feedback is what encourages me to keep writing. Please let me know what you like and what you dislike about the story.
> 
> Revision History: 03/11/2010; 07/11/2010; 08/18/2010

**Docked at an unidentified Cerberus Space Station while retrofitting the Normandy with Silaris Armor and a Thanix Cannon**

Dreams

Warm, sky blue skin underneath her fingertips and lips, Amanda’s fingers gently stroked along the stiff ridges of flesh that protected the more delicate ridged sensory membranes between them, while her lips brushed over the intricate tracery of sky blue flesh at the back of the asari’s neck. The two sensations together drew an aroused moan from Liara, fluttering the flesh beneath Amanda’s lips.

Only those humans who had both mated with asari and bothered to pay attention, knew how sensitive the folded skin of their scalps, the back of their necks, and the ridges along the lower sides of their heads were when they were aroused. Amanda knew, she had been with two asari before Liara, though the young archeologist was the first asari with which she had fully bonded.

Amanda had begun by gently stroking her fingers and brushing her lips over the folds of skin that formed Liara’s scalp crest, something that they had discovered the asari greatly enjoyed. Then she had moved onto the more delicate folds of flesh at the base of Liara’s skull as the asari bowed her head, giving her better access to the sensitive flesh. She had been stroking the asari’s head for several minutes now, and from the way her lover was breathing and pressing back against her, Amanda knew Liara was very aroused by her gentle touches.

She brushed her lips further down Liara’s neck, and then over across her shoulder as she moved from where she had been kneeling behind the asari. Forsaking the smooth blue skin of her lover’s shoulder, Amanda raised her head and moved to capture bluish-purple lips merely inches away. Soft lips met, pressed against one another, parted, tongues invaded, stroked against one another. She felt Liara shiver in reaction as the asari’s hands gripped her shoulders and pulled her closer. There was the brief brush of her lover’s mind against her own, the momentary sharing of mutual pleasure and desire.

Spurred by it, Amanda tore herself away from the asari’s soft, lush, mouth, letting her lips trail down the warm skin of her lover’s throat and lower. She paused to trace her lips over the delicate line of collarbone, inhaling, drawing in Liara’s distinctive scent. It was almost like a drug for her, the smell of her lover filling her senses, arousing her further. She breathed out a soft moan against Liara’s skin and the hands gripping her shoulders clenched, nails digging briefly into her bare flesh before relaxing once again. Pulling away for a moment, she requested softly, “Lie down.”

She watched as Liara lay down on her bed, the asari’s blue eyes, their pupils dilated in arousal, never leaving her own gaze. She placed her hands on either side of her lover and leaned over her, “You are so beautiful.”

Liara’s hands came up to cup her face, “As are you, Amanda.”

She turned her head and kissed the palm of one sky blue hand, then lowered herself to lie down beside the asari. She pressed her lips once again against the skin over Liara’s collarbone and started a leisurely path downward, letting her lips and tongue taste and trace their way across the silky smooth sky blue skin. Liara’s arms wrapped around her, pulling her closer to the asari’s warm body, bare skin pressed against bare skin. Her lips traveled up the soft swell of a breast and finally surmounted the crest, her lips closed around the tip and her tongue swirled around it savoring both texture and taste and the way it hardened even more underneath her attentions. Though the greatest pleasure for an asari came from the melding, the joining of nervous systems with their partner, that didn’t mean they didn’t enjoy physical contact or were unable to be physically aroused, as Liara’s current reaction perfectly showed.

Liara moaned and twitched in pleasure at Amanda's touch, her back arching to press her breast against her lover's mouth, and the asari’s arms tightened around the human woman above her. “Please,” Liara whispered, drawing one leg up in a slow caress along the outside of Amanda’s thigh, begging for her lover's intimate touch, but the human was intent on taking her time. She wanted to stretch out this precious moment they had managed to steal for themselves for as long as possible.

Even though passion burned hot between them at the slightest glance, they did their best be entirely professional with each other when they were around the rest of the crew. Unfortunately on the Normandy, that ended up being more of the time than either wished. The Captain's quarter's placement, right beside the ship’s dining area, made it hard for them to find a private moment together without someone noticing. Shepard tried not to resent their placement because she was the only person onboard who even had quarters. If she had been any lower rank, she would have to share the sleeper pods along with everyone else and there would be no opportunity at all for her and Liara to steal a few hours together.

Shepard was aware that most of the crew knew, or at least strongly suspected, they were lovers. That might have caused problems earlier, but between the events on Noveria where Liara had fought with Shepard against her own mother, and then the fact that the asari had been by her side for the final battle had put to rest any lingering doubts about where the maiden asari's allegiance lay, and did a lot to disprove views like Gunnery Chief Williams that their non-human allies wouldn't stick with them when the going got tough.

With their actions in the Citadel Battle, Liara and Tali had more than proven themselves in the eyes of the Alliance crew and been adopted as unofficial honorary marines. The sudden inclusion by the crew had bemused Liara, who had never even wanted to be an asari commando, when she realized the reason for it. The blind eye the crew gave to their relationship was probably also due to the fact that Liara was a contracted specialist and not in the Alliance chain of command at all, so Shepard wasn’t actually breaking any fraternization rules by being involved with her.

Enough thinking about the things that kept them from spending as much time together as they wanted, Amanda sternly reminded herself, Liara was here with her now, and that certainly deserved more than her divided attention. She switched to Liara’s other breast, and then back and forth between them until her asari lover was writhing beneath her before she continued her explorations in a slow southerly direction across the expanse of toned stomach.

“Amanda,” Liara whispered a sound of love and desire. Shepard felt a gentle mental pressure as her asari lover sought to join with her, to share this moment completely. She welcomed it, surrendered to it, felt the rush of sensation, memory and thought that was not her own as Liara joined their minds and bodies together. This was more than just a casual meld for the mutual enjoyment of sex, that was a brief moment of intense shared pleasure during orgasm. This was a joining, the full melding of their nervous systems into one, the sharing of pleasure as well as thoughts and memories. The first time they had bonded they had needed to be face to face, their full bodies pressed against one another for Liara to mesh their nervous systems so closely together. Now however, the asari was familiar enough with her that full body contact was no longer necessary.

Liara’s taste on her lips, her tongue delicately tormenting the tender skin, slickened with the asari’s arousal. Slowly she explored every inch of sensitive flesh, each flick or long slow caress of her tongue sending lances of pleasure through them both as they experienced it as both giver and receiver. Finally hands threaded through her hair, pulling her to where the pleasure was most intense. Their bodies moved together as one, their pleasure rising until it peaked in an upwelling of joyous emotion and physical pleasure, and over it all the union of their very selves.

Amanda opened her eyes, a choked off cry of pleasure escaping her lips as the climax roared through her body, leaving her trembling and weak in the aftermath of the dream. She reached out, but the space beside her was empty, cold.

She sat up, fighting to regulate her breathing, and then moved to sit on the edge of the bed. She remained there a moment, remembering how she and Liara had clung together afterward their hearts pounding in unison, their breathing slowly settling. How she had, several minutes later, curled around the asari and they had both fallen into a deep, restful sleep. Memory brought no such comfort now; she didn’t want to lie there anymore, not with the other side of her bed so painfully empty. A shower that’s what she needed, she rose, not bothering with the lights. The window and fish tanks provided enough illumination to see where she was going.

Heading to the upper level, she passed by her desk and entered the bathroom. She glanced briefly toward the mirror in the darkness. Blessedly, she didn’t see anything but her reflection, no nightmare image of sinisterly glowing eyes and lines of orange where her face should be. The first time she had gone to the bathroom and not turned on the light, half-asleep until that point, she had yelled in surprise and almost broken the mirror. Thankfully her brain had caught up, if a little belatedly, and she realized it was own image before she had done anything more than lift her arm to strike.

Shepard stripped off her clothing and stepped onto the shower plate in the corner, turning on the water and adjusting the warmth she leant forward letting it beat down on her head and back, the heat soothing. They were currently docked at the same space station where she had first met with the Illusive Man. The Normandy was currently being refitted with the asari Silaris Armor, courtesy of Mr. Taylor, and the Thanix Cannons, courtesy of Garrus’s turian contacts in C-Sec. They had nowhere else to be anyway, Miranda was waiting for the Illusive Man to send dossiers on their next set of possible recruits so it had seemed the perfect time to spend time at dock getting the refits done. When Shepard stopped by the Cerberus operative’s office earlier the woman had sounded certain they would be receiving them tomorrow…or maybe that was later today by now. Fortunately, the Cerberus engineers should be done with the armor and cannon installations in the next day or so as well.

The week they had been here had left Amanda with too much time to think about personal things, something she knew she needed to do, but had been avoiding. Liara…it had been just over two years, she took in a breath, forced herself to face a fear that had been growing inside her steadily. What if Liara had moved on? The asari was so very young for her race, though she was 106… Amanda frowned as she thought of the two years that had passed since she died. Ok, Liara was 108 now, still in comparative human years she was only around twenty or so years old.

When Shepard was in her early twenties she hadn’t been ready to settle down with anyone, the one time she had thought she was deeply in love and promised forever had ended very badly. Sharon had been fifteen years older than her, their courtship sudden, fiery and passionate, Amanda had been so certain that it mean she had found the love of her life. Then her marine unit had been called up for a six month deployment. She had missed Sharon desperately at first; however, by the time six months had passed, Amanda realized with a sinking heart that she no longer missed Sharon in the same way she had at the beginning.

Amanda had tried, she had tried very hard to recapture the emotion she had felt before, but she had failed. Worse was how much she hurt Sharon, the older woman had been concerned about the difference in their ages, the fact that she was so much younger. Amanda had used all of her powers of persuasion to get Sharon to give them a chance. Only in the end Sharon had been right to be concerned. Once it became clear that things weren’t working between them, the older woman, furious and hurt, and lost no time in reminding Amanda of the fact that she had been the one to persuade Sharon. The experience left an indelible impression on the young woman, and Shepard had never made any promises of love and commitment to anyone until a certain asari archeologist had snuck in and stolen her heart.

Shepard had rescued Liara, taken her with her in a whirlwind of adventure, danger and heartbreak. They had been attracted to one another almost immediately, and had become lovers on the eve of a battle neither had been sure they would survive. They had a few precious weeks together on the Citadel before the Council had sent them out hunting for geth, and then Shepard had died.

It had been two years, Amanda didn’t know what she would find on Illium when she finally got there, but she couldn’t go on just blindly pretending that everything would magically be alright. It might be, Liara might still love her…or Liara might have moved on, or even found someone else.

The look of betrayal, the tears, the angry, hurtful words, she wouldn’t do that to Liara. She would keep herself under control, let the young asari’s reaction to her appearance guide her own reaction. Amanda wouldn’t make the young asari feel like Sharon had made her feel, like the lowest of the low, like she had been unfaithful or betrayed her. You couldn’t be unfaithful to someone who was dead, and she had definitely been dead.

You also couldn’t make someone feel what they didn’t anymore; Amanda knew that from her own bitter experience. If sometime in the past two years the love they felt had faded for the young asari, Shepard would salvage what dignity she could out of the situation and never let Liara know how much it hurt or how much Amanda still loved her.

Goddess she hoped she was wrong, Amanda rested her forehead against the tiled wall, and that everything would turn out alright, her fears proven groundless. That she would find the asari and that they would embrace and then maybe Liara would cry and she probably would as well if Liara started. They would go back to Liara’s place, talk and hold one another close. And her world would brighten, no matter the fact that she was still working with Cerberus and going on yet another suicidal mission to save the galaxy.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By Kudara
> 
> Disclaimer: The Mass Effect universe is the property of Bioware/Electronic Arts. No infringement of these copyrights is intended as this is a not for profit fan fiction work.
> 
> Warning: none
> 
> Notes: This is inspired by the Beyonce song "Save the Hero," from the album I am…Sasha Fierce. This is an Alternate Universe story.
> 
> Rating: Teen
> 
> Feedback: Always welcome, feedback is what encourages me to keep writing. Please let me know what you like and what you dislike about the story.
> 
> Revision History: 03/10/2010

**Normandy Briefing Room, on the way to Horizon**

Shepard stood in the briefing room for a long moment after giving the order to Joker to head with all possible speed to the colony on Horizon. The Illusive Man had lied to her, or at least he had not told her the entire truth. There wasn’t any one thing that tipped her off, but several; things that were off in his expression, in his tone, and in his body language. He was very good at lying and pretending, she would give him that, but he wasn’t perfect at it. Most people would have probably missed it, but she had been taught to be a discerning observer of human behavior as a very young teen, and though she had left her childhood dreams behind with the dead on Mindor, Amanda had always found that particular skill to be a very useful one and had kept it honed.

The fact that he wouldn’t contact the Alliance until Cerberus got the information they wanted, only reinforced both Shepard’s low opinion of him and her concerns about his true motives. He didn’t care about human lives, no matter how practiced the lies that fell from his lips. All the Illusive Man cared about was the furtherance of his own personal agenda, but what his specific agenda was concerning her and the Collectors Shepard had only nebulous guesses based upon what she knew of Cerberus and their past actions.

The Illusive Man pretended to want to stop the Collectors and Reaper threat, but he was doing nothing to get either the Council or Alliance ready to meet it. If she was right about him being behind the Council's chilly reception of her, the Illusive Man had been able to leak precisely the right misinformation to manipulate the Council to do exactly what he wanted, which had been boxing her into accepting Cerberus’ help if she wanted to stop the Collectors and find out what their connection was with the Reapers. She was supposed to believe that with all the contacts and intelligence he had, that he couldn't leak exactly the right information that would lead the Council to reconsidering whether the Reapers were real and an actual threat?

Still this was not the right time to dwell on it; she needed to go talk to Mordin. They had met up with another Cerberus ship several days ago which had transferred over some supplies and one live Collector seeker for Mordin to study. She suspected it had been captured at Ferris Fields, the last colony to be abducted by the Collectors. Crewman Hadley had a brother who lived there, and she knew he still held out hope that they would be able to rescue him alive. Shepard carefully had avoided saying anything about it one way or another; they still had no idea what the Collectors were doing with those they abducted, and until she had some idea she didn't want to either unnecessarily discourage him or give him false hope. Shepard had no idea how the Cerberus agents had managed to capture the Collector seeker without being affected themselves. She just hoped the live specimen had helped Mordin develop a countermeasure because they needed one for them to even have a chance of stopping the Collectors on Horizon.

Six hours later, Shepard took a good long look at the Collector ship looming above the colony as she stepped off the shuttle; this was the same type of vessel which had destroyed the original Normandy and killed her. Turning her attention back to the colony, she examined what she could see of it. Unsurprisingly it reminded her of Mindor. Colony building hadn’t changed much in the past twenty years, these prefab buildings were probably easier to put together and had better built in technology, but on the outside they looked almost the same as those she remembered from her youth. And right now their ship was this colonies sole hope of rescue, damn Cerberus and the Illusive Man, these people deserved better.

“We're groundside,” she informed the ship, she eyed the small clouds of seekers swarming around warily, “Mordin are you sure these armor upgrades will protect us from the seeker swarms?”

“Certainty impossible, but in limited numbers should confuse detection systems, make us invisible to swarms. In theory,” the salarian tacked onto the end.

“In theory?” Garrus grumbled back.

“Experimental technology, only test is contact with seeker swarms. Look forward to seeing if you survive,” Mordin finished, sounding damned cheerful.

“I wouldn't mind the shuttle making another trip if you’d like to join us, Mordin,” she broke into the discussion to offer, “Just so you can keep a close, personal eye on the field test results,” she managed to keep her tone serious even though she was trading smirks with Garrus.

“Unnecessary, can monitor results as effectively from here,” they both chuckled at the salarian's quick reply. Shepard might have teased Mordin more, but there were more important things she needed to address before the Collectors noticed they were here and the shooting began.

She let Grunt pull a little ahead of them, before reaching out and pulling Garrus closer to her. “You do the scans to turn in for our mission report, I’m making ones for Ashley to take with her,” she whispered to him. Shepard didn’t want to think about the possibility that they might already be too late to save their former teammate.

“Your omni-tool?” He hissed back, pointing out the flaw in her plan. There should be a record of data being recorded, transferred and deleted on the omni-tool; EDI would certainly detect it when they uploaded the data to her.

“I’ve already changed the settings on my omni-tool to allow me to wipe the recordkeeping data,” Garrus’s mandibles flared in silent amusement, immediately understanding what she meant. It was something she had learned about omni-tools during their search for Saren. Omni-tools always kept record of the time and their geospatial location, and there were times when Shepard hadn’t been interested in any councilmember keeping track of the fact that she had allowed the ship several hours of shore time while they were docked somewhere, nor interested in them knowing how she had personally spent that shore time.

The turian councilor, Metellus, had been the impetus behind her learning how to delete that type of tracking data on her omni-tool. Early on, the turian councilor had annotated one of her mission reports with a snide comment about her having better luck tracking down Saren if she put more time into it rather than spending three hours in a club, before sending the report back to both her and Ambassador Udina. That comment had led her having to suffer through thirty minutes of being ranted at by Udina for taking a damn break to get a drink and unwind a little in addition to getting to know Wrex and Garrus a little better away from the ship. Rat bastard stick-up-his-ass turian. That had been the last time the Council received unsanatized mission reports from her.

Obviously neither one realized that a ship as small as a frigate had no opportunity for downtime while they were in space. There were very few places to find some privacy, and little opportunity to get away from one’s duties. Four to eight hours of shore time a week, or at most every two weeks, was not something that was optional; it was what was minimally required to maintain the crew’s mental health. Ideally you pulled in for a half day to full day’s shore leave every two weeks with shorter ones in between. The crew needed time away from the ship, time to rest in beds that weren’t sleeper pods with company of their choice if that’s what they wanted, and time away from each other and the demands of their duties.

Changing a few of the settings of her omni-tool from the default settings allowed her to wipe all the record keeping data between any two time points. That you had removed sections of data out of the a longer section of data was easy to detect if you had the omni-tool in question, it was even possible if you looked closely at the data recorded from an omni-tool and carefully examined the timestamps. In this case, however, she was wiping the entire memory, it would simply look as if she hadn’t used it this mission. It wouldn’t be unusual for her to assign another member of the team to scanning duties while she kept her attention on their surroundings, so that shouldn’t raise any red flags either.

Shepard had already stored a few things in her omni-tools memory for Ashley, information about the armor modification to confuse the seekers detection systems, a scan of the Collector based assault rifle Cerberus had provided to the team, and, on the off chance it might be useful, Mordin's information on the plague the Collectors had released on Omega Station. Pretty much every piece of information she thought Anderson might be able to use to persuade the Council to take these abductions more seriously.

Grunt ducking for cover behind a low wall brought Shepard abruptly out of her thoughts, and all of her attention became focused on her surroundings as she sprinted to take cover beside the krogan. Collectors, she had counted four of them. She brought her pistol up, aimed at the thickest part of the Collector's sweeping, elongated head and began firing.

They fought their way through the colony, first killing Collectors as they came upon them and then killing the Collector squads that had been mobilized to stop them. Rounding a corner and jumping down off a short retainer wall, Shepard's squad took cover as they spotted a fresh squad of Collectors flying in. No sooner had the Collectors landed and began firing at them, than several husk appeared from deeper within the colony, running through the Collector positions to attack Shepard's squad. That confirmed it then, the Collectors were involved somehow with the Reapers. After the shooting stopped, Shepard paused by one of the husks, examining it closely, comparing it with her memory of them. It didn't look quite the same, but what was different?

“Sorta looks human,” Grunt observed, “this one of the colonists?”

“No,” Shepard replied, still staring intently at the husk, “On Eden Prime the geth impaled people on spikes. The spikes were what turned them into husks and were provided to the geth by Sovereign, but we haven't seen any spikes here so the Collectors must have brought these husks with them. Also they don't look quite the same as the one's we fought before,” she turned to the turian standing beside her. “What do you think Garrus? Do these look more...advanced to you?”

The turian examined the husk carefully for several seconds before nodding, “I think your right, and they were moving a bit faster than I remember them being able to before as well.”

Shepard grimaced, Garrus was right the husks had had moved quicker and seemed more coordinated. Wonderful, just wonderful, the things had been a big enough pain in the ass to kill before.

“They still die when you shoot them,” Grunt commented, looking around restlessly and obviously eager to quit talking and start fighting again.

Shepard chuckled, “True enough,” trust a krogan to point out the most important thing for a soldier to remember. “Garrus scan this and then let’s move out,” she waited until she was last and then paused by the husk for a moment to quickly scan it herself. She scanned a few of the dead Collectors as they passed by them as well. Hopefully the fact that the Collectors were attacking human colonies and that they had husks with them would get the Council to realize there was more happening here than just typical hit and run raider attacks. Even if the Council decided the Collectors were working with the geth, it might get them to do something. Maybe...but she knew she wouldn't be holding her breath waiting for them to act on this information alone.

Finally they saw their first colonists, a man leaning over a fallen woman, reaching down and grasping her hand as if to help her stand. Some type of stasis field, swirling like a dark miasma around them, held them rigid. The two looked for the entire world like some type of statuary until they walked up to them. That's when Shepard noticed the man's pupils widening as she stood between him and the afternoon sunlight. She scanned him and then the woman, looking at the readings. They were both conscious and slightly dehydrated; they had been here for several hours.

She knelt down; placing herself where they could both could see her. She didn't dare reach out and touch them; she had no idea if she would be affected by the stasis field as well. “I'm Commander Shepard. We came here to investigate when your communications were interrupted, suspecting that another colony abduction was taking place. I promise you I'll do my best to stop the Collectors and find a way to free both of you as well as the other colonists. Just hold on for awhile longer and don't lose hope.” That was all she could do for them, let them know she knew they could hear her and she was trying to help. She didn't have time to reassure everyone though, they had to move on.

They walked into the broad open area between rows of prefab living quarters, and Shepard’s eyes widened as she sighted two GARDIAN (General ARea Defence Integration Anti-spacecraft Network) defense towers rising up into the sky over by the spaceport. Why hadn't they fired on the Collector ship? More importantly, could they find a way to activate or repair them? She pointed them out to Garrus and Grunt, pulling up a map of the colony and figuring out a way through to the colonies communications center, which should be where the GARDIAN control systems were located.

“That down that way, and through this bunker,” she pointed out the direction she wanted to go. “The colonies main communications center and spaceport are just a short distance past it.” They continued down the open lawn in between the buildings. Shepard’s eye was drawn to a Collector weapon propped up against one of the storage containers, its previous owner nowhere to be seen; perhaps one of the Collectors had left it there while rushing off to attack them earlier. She went over to it, drawing both Garrus and Grunts attention, knelt beside it and examined it closely. From the size of it, it was some type of heavy weapon. She picked it up, it definitely had some heft to it.

“Interesting,” commented Grunt examining it.

“You’ve got space for it on your weapons pack, take it,” Shepard handed it to Grunt, “We’ll examine it in the armory when we get back aboard, figure out how it works.” She eyed the weapon as Grunt stored it away; it was unfortunate that she hadn’t had the opportunity to sneak in a scan of it, oh well.

They ran into more Collectors flying in to attack them just before they reached the bunker. Shepard’s eye was caught by one Collector in particular, as it stumbled, jerked, and then bent over as if something was wrong with it. Then it suddenly snapped to full height its arms going out wide as if someone had put a powerful electrical current through it. As if in furtherance of that impression, its hard exoskeleton cracked, orange glowing light spilling through from the inside of it which grew brighter and brighter as if it was burning away an outer shell. Finally it stood upright again, bringing its weapon up into the ready position and almost looking as if it were on fire as it began advancing upon their position. Its glowing orange form drew most of her attention, even though she kept a wary awareness of where the other four Collectors who had arrived with it were located. What had just happened to it, and why?

“Our power is unmatched,” it announced in Galactic Standard, “nothing stands against us.” It was the first time they had heard a Collector speak in anything but its own language. The orange glowing Collectors tone was all sheer raw arrogance, but underneath that its voice sounded mechanical and had an odd echoing quality to it. Shepard's eyes widened in shock, she knew that voice...or rather one very like it.

She was standing in Sarens's private laboratory, a glowing red holographic image of the Reaper ship before her. It was speaking to them, “Rudimentary creatures of blood and flesh. You touch my mind, fumbling in ignorance, incapable of understanding.”

“I don't think this is a VI,” Tali, standing behind her said, sounding frightened.

“There is a realm of existence so far beyond your own that you cannot even imagine it. I am beyond your comprehension. I am Sovereign.”

Suddenly she was on the ground, Garrus on top of her, “Shepard, Shepard!” He yelled into her face.

“I'm here,” Shepard gasped out, her suit insistently informing her that her shields were completely gone, “Sorry.” Damn it, her memories had taken her back to that moment, back to Virmire, and right in the middle of a battle. Not good, not good at all.

“What just happened?” he demanded, not moving to let her up yet. There was gunfire and the sound of projectiles whizzing above them. “You just stood there after that glowing Collector knocked you out of cover and didn't move. Another shot and it would have killed you.”

“Later, let’s take care of the Collectors trying to kill us first,” Shepard commanded, pushing on him and lifting him a little off her. This was not the time for an extended discussion. Garrus stared down at the space between them looking a little shocked at her ability to lift him before his expression calmed. It wasn’t as if they hadn’t discussed something of what had happened to her. He knew Cerberus had used biosynthetics and cybernetics to rebuild her damaged body; this was just the first time he had really gotten a direct demonstration of them. He nodded, and rolled off her. Shepard took cover behind a retainer wall, coming up, acquiring a target, firing, and then ducking back down when her suit warned her that her shields were getting low.

Whatever the glowing Collectors were, they were damn tough, much harder to kill than the others. As soon as they managed to take the glowing Collector down, she spotted another one going through the same process which had created the first. Shepard was fairly certain she knew what they were facing now. These Collectors were like Saren at the end, they had cybernetics in them that allowed a Reaper to remotely take over their bodies and control them.

Damn it, Shepard thought when she realized she hadn't gotten a scan of one of the possessed Collectors yet. With their need for evidence and their dismissal of the existence of the Reapers as anything other than myth, the Council would never take her word on this.

“Shift to suppressive fire, keep them pinned down,” she ordered the team though the comms in their helmets, “Garrus as soon as you see one of them start glowing get a scan of it, then unload on the other three and take out the changed one last. We need to figure out what’s going on here.” She didn’t mention, of course, that she would be doing the same thing.

“Will do, Commander,” Garrus acknowledged.

They started firing to keep the four remaining Collectors pinned down rather than killing them, it wasn’t long before she saw one of them bend over, “There, the one on the far left.” Shepard paused just a moment to set her omni-tool to record both audio and video. She went up to one knee, sighted and fired twice taking down one of the remaining Collectors. Then she vaulted the retainer wall she had been taking cover behind, sprinted up the nearby stairs and hurried in a low crouch along the walkway to take up a new flanking position. This position was also much closer to the glowing Collector than her previous one. She poked her head up; it was currently firing on Grunt and Garrus’s position. Glancing around she noticed that while she had moved the two of them had taken out the second Collector, now all that was remaining was the glowing one.

She lifted her omni-tool and made sure it had a good line of sight to the strangely glowing Collector. “What are you?” She shouted at it.

The glowing Collector paused, turned toward her, “We are the Harbinger of your destiny, Shepard.” It didn’t give her a chance to ask anything else; it raised its weapon and began firing. She wasn’t sure what type of weapon it was, but it was some type of energy weapon and very powerful. The dark energy pulse slammed into the metal side of the walkway, making a great dent in it and knocking her almost sprawling. “Your form is fragile; I sense your weakness Shepard.”

She grimaced; she needed better cover against a weapon like that. She sprang forward, sprinted to the end of the walkway, vaulting over the low divider without breaking stride and let her knees take the impact of the six foot drop to the ground. Then it was only a few steps forward and a duck behind a sturdy looking storage container.

“Why do you continue to resist Shepard? We cannot be stopped.”

“Funny, Sovereign told me that too and we both know what happened to it,” she couldn’t help but taunt. She could just imagine Councilor Metellus rolling his eyes and dismissing this as a desperate hoax about now, and doing the air quote ‘Reapers’ again. “You can be stopped, we’ve done it before and we will again,” she grimaced that hadn’t sounded quite as strong as she would have liked, she needed to stop thinking of that damn turian councilor. There was a loud thump and container she was hiding behind shook as the Collector fired at her.

“You only delayed the inevitable Shepard. We are the pinnacle of evolution. We are your end.”

Enough of this, she’d probably just blown any chance of the Council believing this right there. They would hear Sovereign and think Reaper and their brains would promptly shut down. Maybe they would believe a scan, but she would have to be quick, these controlled Collectors super-heated and burnt away when they died. She rose to her knee, fired off several rounds at the Collector before ducking again, quickly holstering her pistol and reaching over her shoulder for her M-22 Eviscerator shotgun. She paused a moment to concentrate, gathering a powerful mass effect field around her, shaping it and controlling it to behave as she wished.

Like her memories, Shepard’s biotic abilities were something else that had changed in a very noticeable and disconcerting way. She wasn’t sure if it was the new L5n implant vice her old L3 implant or something else Cerberus had done, but her biotic abilities were much, much stronger than before and her conscious control over the mass effect field she generated easier and more precise than it had ever been. She was also using her biotics in ways she never had before and had no idea how she was doing some of the things she was doing. It was almost as if she had learned entirely new muscle mnemonics while she was dead. Shepard had been taught to use her biotics to hasten her movement speed in a manner similar to the way krogan biotics added speed and force to their charges. Her biotics’ trainers at the Academy had called what they taught her charging, and she had used it, as most biotic vanguards did, to move from one firing position to another more swiftly or close with the enemy faster. The charge she was preparing to do now however, bore almost no resemblance to the charge she had learned and it wasn’t like a krogan’s biotic charge either.

A dark blue mass effect field swirling noticeably around her, Shepard rose and charged, closing the distance between her and the glowing Collector in what seemed an instant. She impacted against her target, the mass effect field cushioning and protecting her while channeling all the force of both the impact and the residual mass effect energy into the Collector, sending it flying through the air to land heavily several feet from where it had originally been standing. Shepard wasted no time, taking a few steps forward while initiating a scan with the twist of her hand and bringing the shotgun to bear on her enemy who was just now struggling to rise, probably having been stunned by the force of the impact. Her omni-tool made a soft beep, signaling that its task was completed. Shepard smiled grimly and then fired off several rounds into the glowing Collector’s head at point blank range. It was messy, but very effective.

“Destroying this body gains you nothing. We are eternal,” the still corpse uttered malevolently, startling Shepard who had been certain it was dead. She prepared to fire on it again, but then had to quickly backpedal away from it as the Collector burned itself to ashes that drifted away on the slight wind. Grunt and Garrus ran up, to her staring down at the blackened ground where the Collector had burnt itself up. She turned toward the bunker, using the movement to hide the fact that she was shutting off her omni-tools record mode.

“Sorry Shepard,” she turned curiously toward Garrus, who held up his omni-tool, “I wasn’t able to get a good scan of it.”

She nodded, “Its ok I have a feeling we’ll be seeing more of them,” she suspected he was letting her know that his omni-tool hadn’t picked up the activity of hers, which was a good thing.

“So what happened back there?” the turian asked her quietly.

Shepard hesitated for a moment before admitting, “Flashback. I'll speak to Chakwas about it when we get done here I promise.”

“Flashback to what?” Garrus asked, sounding confused.

“Speaking to Sovereign, that Collector sounded a lot like it,” she admitted.

His mandibles flared in shock for a moment, “Harbinger is a Reaper.” Shepard was surprised that he hadn’t already figured that out already just from her mentioning Sovereign when she was talking to it. “Do you think it’s here or in dark space?”

“Dark space hopefully,” she didn’t hesitate to admit, “Otherwise things are going to be a lot more difficult than we thought.”

Garrus considered that, “I’d say,” His words carried a wealth of meaning and Shepard gave him a grim smile in acknowledgement.

“Alright let’s get moving, those towers aren’t going to come online by themselves,” she commented loud enough for Grunt to hear before turning toward the bunker. It was locked, that was intriguing. None of the other doors had been locked; the colonists hadn’t had the time to find shelter before the seeker swarms found them. Perhaps a few had though, but she wouldn’t know until she bypassed the lock.

They did find someone inside, one surly mechanic, Delan, who had been working when everything began and managed to seal the bunker before the swarms arrived. He blamed the Alliance and the fact they had given them towers for the attack instead of seeing the situation for what it was, the Collectors picking off those human colonies who were unable to defend themselves. At least he was able to confirm that Ashley was at the colony and tell them the reason the GARDIAN system wasn’t operational, as well as where exactly the controls for it were located. Pretty much were Shepard had guessed they would be, the colonies communications center. Specifically they were at the base of the colony’s main transmission tower.

Shepard hoped EDI could help them get the GARDIAN’s targeting systems calibrated and online once they regained communication with the ship, which they should be able to at the transmission tower.

“How come we don’t see any more frozen people around?” Grunt asked as they approached the main doors to the communications center after fighting their way through several husks, Collectors, and a new type of husk that seemed to be made of several husks all fused together and which used a powerful biotic shockwave attack against them. It was not a pretty sight to look at with its multiple heads, and bulbous swelling on its back, especially not as shot up as it had been with whitish fluids leaking everywhere. Both she and Garrus paused to scan it while Grunt kept a lookout, sharing a grim look as they did so.

“Probably already loaded onto the Collector ship,” Garrus answered the krogan, voicing Shepard’s own thoughts, “We should hurry.”

More Collectors, husks and the new type of husk they had seen earlier attacked them as soon as they entered the communications area; it seemed as if Harbinger was finally taking them seriously. Shepard suspected it might have finally figured out they were trying to activate the GARDIAN system, the transmission tower was in the center of the area where they were currently fighting. As soon as all of the attacking Collectors and husks had fallen, Shepard hastened to the transmission tower, hacked into it and contacted the Normandy.

Shepard activated her helmets com system, “Normandy, do you copy,” she wasn’t one hundred percent sure that the tower would boost their signal enough to get through the Collector ship’s interference.

“Joker here, signal’s weak Commander, but we got you.”

“EDI, can you get the colonies defense towers online,” Shepard wasted no time in asking. The GARDIAN turrets were their only hope of driving off the Collector ship.

The AI responded promptly, “Errors in the calibration software are easily rectified, but it will take time to bring the towers to full power. I recommend a defensive posture; I will not be able to mask the increased generator output.”

“Understood EDI, go ahead and start,” she gave her authorization. “It’s our only chance of stopping them.”

“Enemy reinforcements are closing in on your position Commander,” the AI warned her.

“Copy that,” Shepard acknowledged, scanning the skyline above the buildings. She suspected they would be coming from the Collector ship but she could be wrong. There, she spotted several flying figures in the sky, she had been right they were coming from the direction of the Collector ship. They hadn’t even managed to kill the entire initial wave of attackers when the husks came running from the nearby buildings, forcing them to divert their attention to their flanks as well as the few remaining Collector snipers hiding among the crates at the far end of the area. The Collectors were definitely trying to prevent them from activating the defense turrets.

“Bypassing fail safes and attempting emergency power up. Please hold the transmission tower,” EDI updated them. Fire, cover, fire, move to a new position, steadily the attackers were whittled away even as more arrived to press the attack. “Sequential power up initialized, GARDIAN anti-ship batteries at forty percent.” By now her brain just acknowledged the information, even as her body picked out a new target and she fired. “GARDIAN anti-ship batteries at sixty percent, synching targeting protocols to Normandy’s systems.”

There was a lull in the wave of attackers, giving them a chance to catch their breaths. Shepard kept her eyes on the skyline; surely they hadn’t killed all the Collectors or husks that huge ship carried. Her eye caught a dark shape in the sky moving toward them; it didn’t look like anything she recognized. As it got closer she realized it looked like some type of flying crab that had glowing blue eyes. What the fuck was that? “Garrus, Grunt, look toward the Collector ship, something’s headed this way.”

The thing landed; close up it looked even more like a giant walking crab, though it was clear it was also some type of husk. You could tell by the way the armor looked and by the bluely glowing technology visible underneath the armor plating. Shepard quickly activated her omni-tool and got a quick image of it, as well as what little information her tool could detect at this range. It was large, standing at least eight foot tall. It opened its mouth? And screeched at them revealing multiple husk heads inside, it was another type of husk amalgamation. Then it fired a blue beam at her from what she had thought were its eyes. The beam barely clipped her and it had her suit warning that she had no shields within two seconds. Shepard bolted for cover, and as soon as she was behind the crate glanced down at her omni-tool to see what the hell it had hit her with, a particle beam. Whatever that thing was, it had a seriously nasty weapon and it was heavily armored as well.

“A new one, whatever that is, don’t get to close,” Garrus warned. He was a bit late with it as far as Shepard was concerned.

She peered around the crate between her and the crab husk, first throwing a biotic attack at it and then taking as many shots as she could before she saw it charging up for another attack. Knocking this thing down would be tricky, but they had to keep it from the transmission tower. The thing slammed itself against the ground, sending out a wave of biotic energy that smashed into her, actually picking her up slightly and throwing her away from it. She recovered in time to notice the blue glow of a biotic barrier light up around it. Damn it, as if killing it hadn’t looked difficult enough before. “EDI we need that system online very soon,” she informed the AI, urgently.

“GARDIAN batteries at 100%, I have control.” The turrets began moving, and to Shepard’s satisfaction began firing upon the Collector ship. Her feeling of victory only lasted a second, a blue beam cutting across the ground toward her quickly reminding the Shepard that the GARDIAN turrets were not taking care of their little problem here, and she couldn’t afford to have her attention divided right now.

She sprinted to her right, getting some distance away from the new type of husk as she dove behind a crate, popping up when it stopped firing and then cussing softly underneath her breath as she had to wear away its newly reformed biotic barrier before trying to chip through more of its armor. This was the third round of this; it was getting old real quick. Grunt and Garrus stood up as well, adding their firepower to hers in a steady stream of projectiles. The crab looking husk was looking definitely worse for wear now, the chitinous looking armored carapace dented and gashed in several places. It screeched again, revealing the husk heads inside its mouth. She knew that regular husks were vulnerable there, so she shifted her fire to the heads, watching as they were torn apart by the projectiles. Suddenly the crab looking husk started glowing blue, heat radiating from it, and it disintegrated into ash. Shepard stared bemusedly at where it had been for a moment, surprised that after so long a battle it had ended so quickly. She would have to remember that weakness.

“Multiple impacts, Collector vessel is taking damage,” EDI’s communication drew her attention away from where the crab like husk has been to the turrets and the Collector ship.

They were winning, Shepard watched as the GARDIAN lasers fired upon the ship in a constant bombardment. The roar of the Collector ships engines staring was not exactly a surprise; she ducked for cover behind a crate as grit laden wind rushed toward and past them from the blast of the ships engines. As soon as it past she stepped back out and watched in mixed relief and grim regret as the Collectors ship lifted off. How many of the colonists were in there, the ones they had been too late to save, and was Ashley in that ship or one of the lucky ones still here?

“No, don’t let them get away!” the mechanic from the bunker came running up, staring after the Collector ship.

“There’s nothing we can do,” Shepard responded grimly, “they’re gone.”

“Half the colonies in there, they took Eagan, Sam and…and Lilith,” he protested pacing back and forth while staring upward, “Do something!”

She sighed, “I did what I could, I didn’t want it to end this way,” just like she hadn’t wanted to die when the Normandy was attacked, “But sometimes you can’t save everyone.”

Grunt, who was standing beside her spoke up, “It was a good fight, Shepard.”

“Shepard,” the mechanic turned around, “Wait I know that name. Sure I remember you; you’re some type of big Alliance hero.”

“Commander Shepard,” it was Ashley’s voice, “Captain of the Normandy, first Human Spectre, Savior of the Citadel.” Shepard watched with relief and growing happiness as Williams stepped out from between two of the buildings and walked toward them. The chief stopped a few feet away and regarded the mechanic coolly, “You’re in the presence of a ghost Delan,” the marine turned toward Shepard, “back from the dead.” Shepard could see the same anger and confusion in Ashley’s dark eyes as she heard in the other woman’s voice.

“All the good people we lost and you got left behind, figures,” the mechanic grumbled. “Screw this; I’m done with you Alliance types.” Shepard glared at him as he took a wide berth around her and the krogan standing beside her. He had no business even complaining; he hadn’t done anything to help them save the colony except tell them why the GARDIAN turrets weren't operational.

Ashley closed the distance between them, staring at her and then finally stuck out her hand with a lopsided smile, “I thought you were dead Commander. We all did.”

Shepard reached out as well, shook Ashley’s hand, and then held up one finger to stop her from saying anything more. She turned toward Garrus, “You two keep an eye out for stray Collectors or husks that might have been left behind, that Collector ship left in a hurry,” she ordered, wanting some privacy for this conversation.

“Will do Commander,” Garrus promptly assured her, motioning to Grunt to take a position to the left of the transmission tower while he went to keep watch on the right.

Shepard turned back to Williams who was staring at her with a confused frown. “I was dead, Ashley,” she finally answered her. “Cerberus only managed to put me back together enough to bring me back to life two to three months ago,” she stuck to the basic facts, wanting to get them out of the way first. She had made a critical mistake with the Council, dancing around this subject because she had been so uncomfortable with it at the time. It had, however, been over a month now, and the fact that she had died and been dead for almost two years didn’t send her into a tailspin the way it had just a week out of waking up in a medical bay with gunfire and explosions going on around her. “I have no idea exactly how I wound up in their hands, I guess they must have found my body at the crash site.”

“What?” Williams said, staring at her, the soldier's disbelief painfully obvious.

Shepard sighed; she suspected she didn’t have time for twenty questions. “Ashley what information did the Illusive Man put out there about my involvement with Cerberus? Why does the news that I was dead for almost two years surprise you?”

“Nobody said anything about…” Williams looked as confused as she sounded, “I mean they just said you had been seen again.”

Ashley’s voice trailed off and she just stared at Shepard, almost as if she had never seen the Commander before. After a few seconds Shepard prompted, “Ash, the intel?”

That seemed to shake Williams out of wherever she had gone in her thoughts. Shepard should have guessed that Ashley, more so than any of her other former crewmates, would have issues with the idea of her actually having been dead and then brought back to life. Shepard just preferred to not think about the theological implications of what Cerberus had done to her.

“Alliance Intel said that Cerberus could be behind our missing colonies,” Ashley finally responded, “We got a tip that this one could be the next to get hit. I went to Anderson but he wouldn’t talk. But there were rumors that you weren’t dead, and worse that you were working for the enemy.”

“Cerberus you mean,” Shepard replied calmly. She ran one knuckle back and forth across her lips thoughtfully, her light grey eyes narrowed as she thought about this information, trying to fit it in with the rest. How could Cerberus have known before the fact that…her eyes widened, she lifted her head and stared incredulously at Ashley. Ashley was the key.

“That bastard,” Shepard snarled, just managing to keep her voice down. She barely noticed Ashley flinching away from her anger, “of course he wouldn’t hesitate at sacrificing a human colony to get his precious info. The Collector’s, their interested in me and the rest of the crew that brought down Sovereign, the Illusive Man used you as bait to draw them here.”

“What?” Williams asked looking around at the dead Collectors littering the ground, “Are you saying the Collectors attacked this colony because I was here?” she could hear the disbelief in Ashley’s voice.

“Yes,” Shepard confirmed tersely. “How long ago was this, the intel that I was working for Cerberus that is, when did it first surface?”

“About three months ago,” Ashley responded, her dark eyes returning to the Commanders light grey one’s, the confusion within them obvious to Shepard.

Her suspicions were confirmed, “So as soon as he knew it was going to work. That must have been the first time I woke up, I remember all the machines going off and them yelling about my stats going into the red, and taking about me not being ready to wake up yet. They had to give me two doses of sedative to make me go under again,” Shepard commented thoughtfully. Her eyes focused on the woman standing in front of her, who stared at her with eyes as wide as Shepard thought she’d ever seen them. She frowned, “Ashley, the extent of my working for Cerberus before I went to the Council was me going to Freedom’s Progress with them the next day after I woke up in a medical facility.” Shepard decided for brevity’s sake to leave out the gunfire and explosions part of that experience. “The Illusive Man wanted me to see what was happening, the extent of the abductions and who was responsible. I agreed, but as soon as they gave me a ship I went to the Citadel before doing anything else.”

Shepard paused for a second, her expression hardening, a bitter note entering her voice, “Now, of course, I realize that the Illusive Man set all of this up months ahead. He would have hardly provided the star map to, or been so unconcerned about me going to the Citadel, had he not been absolutely certain that neither the Alliance nor Council would raise one finger to help me. And that’s exactly what happened, which left only him and Cerberus as my sole option if I wanted to stop the Collectors.”

“But by working with Cerberus, you’re turning your back on everything we stood for,” Ashley protested angrily, “How can you forget what they did?”

“I have forgotten nothing!” damn it, her memories made fucking sure of that. She was only barely aware of Ashley’s wide eyed stare. “Are you listening to yourself?” Shepard asked at less of a volume, fighting to get her emotions back under her control. Why couldn’t Ashley see the bigger picture here? This was about more than just her personal pride, or even her honor. “What am I supposed to say to the mothers and fathers of these colonists? I’m sorry that your son or daughter went missing along with a nearly a million other colonists, but hey that’s fine because I didn’t compromise my principles. I turned down Cerberus’ offer of a ship and sat at the Citadel and twiddled my thumbs while they told me I was crazy and easily misled by Saren for believing that the Reapers exist in the first place?”

Williams flushed, “You could go back to the Council and try again with this new information, instead of continuing to work with them,” she insisted.

“Or they could pull another Ilos on me,” Shepard responded, knowing which possibility she thought was more likely. “Decide I’m crazy and a danger, impound the new Normandy and arrest my crew. I don’t have enough information yet to persuade them. I know that already, I’m just hoping there will be enough to get them to start thinking things aren’t as simple as deciding Saren was responsible for everything.” Shepard shook her head, “I can’t take that risk right now Ashley. With the colonists they just took there are now over a million colonists missing, and I still have no idea what the Collectors intend to do with them or why their taking them alive or how exactly the Reapers are involved. If the cost of finding out those answers is for me to have to deal with Cerberus, to have to get down in the swamp with the snakes and leaches, then I will do it, but that doesn’t mean that I trust them.”

Shepard paused, took in a deep breath, forcing herself to calm before continuing in a quieter voice, “And it doesn’t mean that I’m not looking for the actual reason why Cerberus is doing this.” She stared intently into Ashley’s dark eyes, willing the other woman to pay attention to this and to believe her, “It’s not altruism, despite the Illusive Man’s best efforts to persuade me that he’s just doing what’s necessary to protect humanity, I don’t believe him. If he were then he would find a way to share his information with the Alliance and Council but he’s not. As a matter of fact I bet once your ship and the Normandy leave there were be Cerberus personnel here picking up everything they can get their hands on for research. And none of it will ever get back to the Alliance or Council. He’s got another motive behind getting me to go after the Collectors and I need to figure out what that is and why he’s worked so hard to make sure that neither the Council nor Alliance will either believe me or help me.”

That was something that had just recently occurred to her, that the Illusive Man didn’t do anything that didn’t further his ultimate goals. And while the Reapers defeat and humanities survival did indeed lead to Cerberus’ survival as well, something about the effort he was making to keep her separated from the Council and Alliance made her suspicious. There was just no shape to those suspicions yet, just the realization that the Illusive Man probably had enough information on the Collectors and Reapers to persuade the Council that there was a threat. There was the seeker they had captured, the Collector technology based assault rifle, all of it pointed toward Cerberus having a lot of intel on the Collectors. Yet the Illusive Man didn’t share it, he kept it to himself, making sure the Council and Alliance remained ignorant of the danger. There had to be a reason why and she was certain she needed to figure out that reason before she did something to help Cerberus that she would bitterly regret for a very long time.

“Now we’ve talked too long as it is, my Cerberus watchdogs up there will get very suspicious if I take much longer. I’ve got information for the Council,” Shepard brought up her omni-tool, and activated it, “Class five-C security classification, Council eyes only, 24.67 terabytes of information.”

Now looking rather bewildered, Williams tapped on her omni-tool as well, activating it and examining it for a moment, “Yea, I’ve got enough free memory for that,” she taped in several more commands and Shepard waited for her tool to pick up the connection request from William’s omni-tool. As soon as she saw it and the notification that the connection was of the requested encryption level, Shepard started the data transfer.

They had a few minutes before the transfer was complete and she had more things to tell Ashley, “In addition to this information, I want you to find a way to take two Collectors and two husks with you for the Council to examine. I might be wrong about Cerberus trying to take all of them, but better to be safe and take them now rather than empty handed later.”

“Ok,” Ashley agreed, “I can put them in stasis tubes.”

Shepard nodded, before continuing, “Harbinger controlled the Collectors the same way Sovereign did Saren after he blew his brains out, so there’s got to be cybernetics in them which allows a remote entity to take control of their bodies. If the Council has their researchers examine them then at least they will have to realize that the Collectors are being controlled by some other entity than themselves. The reason I want you to take husks with you as well is because the husks the Collectors brought with them are different, more advanced than the ones we fought before. We fought two new types of husks, one used a powerful biotic shockwave attack against us and the other had a particle beam, very heavy armor and could create a mass effect barrier, I took scans of both of them, it’s in the data I’m giving you. I know the Council thinks the husks were created by the geth, but their presence here indicates otherwise or they may just decide the geth are involved. I don’t really care what they decide just so long as they take this situation with the Collectors and their abductions more seriously than they have been.”

She reached out, grabbing the other woman’s armored forearm, “Ashley, you need to always remember one thing about the Illusive Man, if life was a chess game then he would be rated a Grandmaster and he’s made several moves before anyone even realized there was a chess match in progress. He’s treating us all like pawns and that includes the Council and Alliance. Cerberus is big, and they’ve got a budget of several billions of credits a year. They’ve got deep ties into the Alliance and the Alliance defense industry. Don’t trust the Alliance with the specimens your taking back with you, find a way to make sure they get directly into the Council’s hands, preferably salarian or asari one’s since there’s little chance they would either be working for or pass information to Cerberus.”

“Alright,” Ashley responded after a startled second, “I will, that shouldn’t be too hard to do.”

“And He can’t know I suspect him. I’m supposed to be so busy with the Collectors and trying to make sure my crew doesn’t kill each other that I’m just treading water and not noticing I’m getting further and further away from shore. He poured a lot money into bringing me back, but he’s completely ruthless and my ever so helpful second in command has already told me she would have put a control chip in my brain if it had been left up to her to make sure their investment,” Shepard paused, then added dryly, “which is me by the way, doesn’t turn on them. If he suspects I’m acting against him, he’ll take steps to neutralize me.” Ashley’s dark eyes widened, it seemed as if it were finally sinking in that this wasn’t some simple game Shepard was playing here.

“Oh, he probably wouldn’t kill me,” Shepard reassured her, “not after sinking four billion credits into bringing me back,” she noticed Ashley’s jaw dropping at that figure, “but I’d bet he would keep such a close eye on me I couldn’t get anymore intel to the Council.” Her jaw firmed, and her light grey eyes narrowed, “Or, more likely that control chip would probably become a reality,” Shepard added grimly, before focusing once again on Ashley. Shepard met the other woman’s eyes directly, trying to convey how deadly serious she was about what she said next, “I don’t even know how to suggest you manage this, but the fact that I gave you this information, and the fact that you’re taking those Collectors and husks, has to stay away from his notice or he’ll immediately guess that this conversation took place.”

“If you’re in so much danger then forget this, and come with me,” Ashley urged her, reaching out finally to touch her arm and shake it slightly as if to underline her seriousness.

“No Ashley,” Shepard laid her hand over the other woman’s, stilling it, “I can’t do that for all the reason’s I already mentioned. I’m a Spectre and it’s my duty to protect the galactic peace. Cerberus is up to something big, and I need to stay right where I am to figure out what the Illusive Man is planning. The best thing you can do to help me is make sure this information and those specimens get to the Council and only the Council safely.”

Williams stared at her for a few moments before her shoulders slumped in resignation, “Alright Commander.”

“Now what I need you to do next is to have an argument with me over my working with Cerberus and then storm off. Garrus will make it sound like we had a shorter talk than we did, and I’ll just growl at anyone that asks and let them make up their minds that I’m smarting over you giving me grief just like the Council about working with them.”

“Wait,” Ashley interrupted her urgently, “if what you’re saying is true then let me take a scan of you that should prove that what you’re saying about you being clinically dead for so long might actually be true.”

Ok…that was one way of dealing with it, Shepard decided after a moment as Williams ran her omni-tool up and down her body, just completely ignore the part where she had said that she had died and out of thin air make up a more palatable truth to believe. Ashley’s eyes widened and the soldier paled as she looked at the information her omni-tool was displaying for her, information about Shepard’s own body. Her body which constantly reminded her in ways both large and small that it was not the same as it had been before her death.

Silently the other woman turned it so she could read the information. “No,” Shepard growled, she turned her head, pushed away Ashley’s omni-tool with its damning information. “I don’t want to see how much of me they had to replace. Not…” she paused, feeling sick and shaky, “I can’t, not yet, it’s too much… too much right now. I’ve got enough to deal with without that.”

Ashley immediately shut it off, “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

Ashley sounded almost as lost and distressed as she felt Shepard realized. This wasn’t doing either of them any good. Shepard drew in a breath, turned back toward the other woman, “Time to go.”

Williams nodded, looked at her, the soldiers expression solemn and serious, “I promise you I’ll figure out a way to get everything to them without Cerberus knowing,” it was almost a vow.

Shepard took a step backward, nodded her acknowledgement of the promise. She closed her eyes, pushing away her emotions and centering herself into what she needed to portray for this next bit. A few breaths, she opened her eyes once again only the Commander, “Ash, you know me, and you know I’d only be working with Cerberus for the right reason,” she declared in a strong voice. “You saw it for yourself; the Collectors are targeting human colonies and their working with the Reapers. Someone has to stop them.”

It took Ashley a moment to find her voice but that was really ok, it fit into the scene they were playing, “I’d like to believe you Shepard, but I don’t trust Cerberus and it worries me that you do. What did they do to you, what if their behind it. What if they’re the ones working with the Collectors?”

Doubtful, but Shepard would keep it in mind as a possibility, “You’re letting how you feel about their history get in the way of facts,” she responded, now the scene was flowing more easily.

“Or maybe you feel that you owe Cerberus because they saved you,” As if they fucking asked for her permission, Shepard thought bitterly. She didn’t know what expression crossed her face at those words but Ashley actually faltered for a few seconds before the soldier managed to continue, “Maybe it’s you. Doesn’t matter I still know where my loyalties lie, I’m an Alliance soldier. It’s in my blood.” Shepard must have tensed slightly at that, because Williams quickly continued, “I’m reporting back to the Council I’ll let them decide if they believe your story.” The Ashley turned and started walking away from her.

That had went better than she had thought it would, Williams was actually a better actress than Shepard had given her credit for. “So long Ashley,” she called out after the woman.

Ashley stopped, turned around long enough to say, “So long Commander, and good luck,” before walking in between two of the buildings and turning out of sight behind them.

She activated her com, “Garrus, Grunt, we’re done here,” then to the ship, “Joker, send a shuttle to pick us up. I’ve had enough of this colony.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By Kudara
> 
> Disclaimer: The Mass Effect universe is the property of Bioware/Electronic Arts. No infringement of these copyrights is intended as this is a not for profit fan fiction work.
> 
> Warning: techbabble or is that biobabble?
> 
> Notes: This is inspired by the Beyonce song "Save the Hero," from the album I am…Sasha Fierce. This is an Alternate Universe story.
> 
> Rating: Teen
> 
> Feedback: Always welcome, feedback is what encourages me to keep writing. Please let me know what you like and what you dislike about the story.
> 
> Errors and Corrections: Yes, please let me know about any errors you see so that I can correct them. This is un-beta'ed so it probably has a few.
> 
> Revision History: 03/17/2010; 09/22/2010

**Normandy Briefing Room**

"Shepard, good work on Horizon," the Illusive Man greeted her, straightening in his chair, "hopefully the Collectors will think twice before attacking another colony." As usual he was smoking, and Shepard wondered whether it was truly a habit or just a way of distracting people's attention, like a magician's handkerchief.

"It's not a victory, we only interrupted the Collectors. They still abducted nearly half the colony." She corrected him with only a slight edge to her tone. She hadn't walked in here and begun this meeting until she was sure she was ready for it. She would let him see nothing more than the same confused and angry woman he had been dealing with before. He didn't need to know she had stopped just reacting to what was happening to her and started thinking and putting facts together.

"That's better than the entire colony, and more than we've accomplished since the abductions began. The Collectors will be more careful now, but I think we can find another way to lure them in."

Her light grey eyes focused in on him, he was openly letting her know, why? Ah, her meeting with Ashley…this was bait then to see what she knew. "Ash said the Alliance got a tip about me and Cerberus, was that you?" She made the bold accusation and accompanied it with a look of open distrust, only the simple soldier here, nothing more.

He drew on his cigarette, "I may have let it slip that you were alive, and with Cerberus."

Her eyes narrowed, "You risked the lives of my friend, the crew and that entire colony, just to lure the Collectors there?" she asked angrily.

"A calculated risk," he responded to her anger as evenly as he always did, which was well, their dance remained unchanged. She was the emotional one and he the calm tactician instructing her. "I suspected the Collectors were looking for you, or people connected to you. Now I know for certain." He ground out the cigarette, looked back up at her. "I told you I wouldn't wait while the Collectors and Reapers gathered strength. Besides, they would have hit another colony eventually and without a way to predict which one they would have abducted everyone." She hated his reasoning, but in this case she knew he was right, the only way they had been there in time to stop the Collectors was because Cerberus had been watching that colony closely. That didn't mean that she had to like it however, and it didn't mean he didn't stand to gain something else from it.

"We have to make sure they don't abduct anyone else," she responded.

"I want the Collectors stopped for that very reason," she wasn't sure if that was a lie or not. "That's why we're doing this Shepard." Lie. There was no doubt in her mind, lie, not that it was exactly a surprise to her. "I'm devoting all resources to finding a way through the Omega 4 Relay. We have to hit them where they live." He shifted in his chair, "Your team will have to be strong…as will their resolve. There's no looking back. The same goes for you," now his tone shifted into the one which implied they were friends, and as always it angered her, "Can I assume you've put your past relationships behind you."

She glared at him, "None of your damn business."

"If it affects the mission better you should leave it behind," his voice shifted back to a reasonable tone in response to her anger. "Shepard, once you find a way through the Omega 4 relay to the Collector homeworld…there's no guarantee you'll return." Shepard fought to hide the chill that hit her then, was he threatening her? No, but there was something there. "To have any hope of surviving, you…and your entire team…must be fully committed to this." Whatever it had been it was gone now.

"Let me worry about them, you just find a way to the Collector homeworld," she responded.

"I just want to be up front about your odds, you'll need everyone at their best. I've forwarded three more dossiers. Keep building your team while I find a way through the relay. And be careful Shepard, the Collectors will be watching you." Funny, Shepard thought as the three dimensional holographic image of the Illusive Man faded out, she worried more about him and Cerberus watching her than she did the Collectors. She paused a moment to say a quiet prayer that Ashley would get the information she had given her back to the Council both safely and secretly.

Jacob was not a particularly welcome sight as she turned around to leave. How long had he been there watching?

"I guess we're really going to do it, hit the Omega 4 relay. Take the fight to the Collectors in person." Shepard relaxed; this was just Jacob being his usual self. "Looking forward to the action. After seeing what those bastards did on Horizon though, makes you think," the former alliance soldier commented, his demeanor very serious.

"They're powerful," Shepard admitted, "but we've got a few tricks for them." Thanix cannons, Silaris armor, this Normandy was a lot more capable of meeting a Collector attack than the previous Normandy. "If anyone can stop them we can," she declared confidently. Let the Illusive Man constantly bring up the dismal odds of their survival, she wouldn't undermine her crew's confidence in her or themselves the same way. Any competent leader knew that was a good way to lose a battle before it even began.

"No argument there Commander," he lowered his head for a brief moment, "Horizon just made it hit home, what we're doing, what we're up against." He sighed, "Going to go take care of a little unfinished business, I imagine everyone else is too…get some closure you know?"

Shepard watched him leave, she didn't want closure. She didn't want to put her relationship with Liara behind her. She wanted someone and something important to live for, important enough to come back to. Illium, she had to find a way to get there before going through the Omega 4 relay.

 

**Normandy – Medical Bay**

"Dr. Chakwas?" the older woman seemed to be completely engrossed in whatever she was reading as Shepard entered the Medical bay.

The grey haired woman swiveled around in her chair to face her, "Commander, is there something I can do for you?"

Shepard hesitated, she had promised Garrus that she would do this and she had the feeling if she dragged her feet the turian would come down here and inform the doctor about what had happened on Horizon himself. "I've been having problems with my memories," she reluctantly admitted, dropping into the other chair. The same one she had sat in when they shared that bottle of Serrice ice brandy.

The doctor frowned, "For how long?"

"Ever since I woke up," Shepard admitted sheepishly, already knowing that Chakwas was not going to be happy with her not coming forward with this before now.

The doctor frowned at her, but the expected lecture did not follow to Shepard's surprise. Instead she asked, "What kinds of problems are we talking about exactly?"

"My memories are…" Shepard lowered her head for a moment thinking of how to explain it, "their too accurate, too fresh," she struggled to find the words, but failed. Perhaps an example would work better, she looked up, met Chakwas's concerned gaze. "I can remember my sixth birthday party, who was there, what gifts I got and who gave them to me. My mother made me a German chocolate cake with cream cheese icing, my favorite kind. There's pieces missing from my memories of it, I can tell because things jump around and some memories are just sensory snippets like how the cake tasted, and how warm it was that day, how the insects sounded in the distance and the sound of the other people in the colony talking and working, but the bits I remember don't seem any different than any of my memories of what happened yesterday."

"And even those are wrong," Shepard continued, her voice low, troubled, "I shouldn't remember so well what the grass on Horizon looked and felt like, how it smelt as if I'm there right now lying behind a retainer wall knowing there's a Collector with a sniper rifle about forty feet ahead waiting for a clear shot."

"Interesting. Your memories sound almost drell like," Chakwas observed thoughtfully.

"Drell…" Shepard dredged up what little information she remembered on the reptilian humanoids whose world had failed due to over industrialization. Those that remained had been saved by the hanar and now lived on Kajhe, the hanar home world. "I've never met one."

"There aren't many of them; it's not surprising we've never run into one." Chakwas stared at her thoughtfully for a moment before speaking again, "I'd like to run a full neural scan on you," she indicated one of the medical beds, "and I believe we need to consult Ms. Lawson to see if she knows why your memories have been altered. The only possibility I can think of is it's a side effect of a process they used during their reconstruction of your body."

Shepard allowed herself one resigned sigh before she sat down on the medical bed that Chakwas had indicated and then laid down on it while the doctor set up for her scans. That was what she had suspected as well, and one of the reason's she had remained silent about it for so long. She didn't like the idea of giving Cerberus any more information than they already had on her. Not one bit.

 

**Normandy Medical Bay - one hour later**

Miranda frowned, tapped her lower lip for a moment with one finger, looking introspective. The Cerberus operative raised her head, "An unexpected side affect from our efforts to preserve your memories," Miranda commented her frown deepening, "though perhaps we should have anticipated it."

"Ms. Lawson?" Chakwas inquired, she was standing beside her desk, the monitor on it showing the results of Shepard's neural scans. The doctor and Miranda had just been going over them while Shepard watched and hid how much she disliked having to pull in the Cerberus operative into this, but she needed answers and Dr. Chakwas hadn't been able to give them to her.

"We knew it would take a significant amount of time to repair all the damage to Shepard's body," Miranda responded to Chakwas's question, then she turned to address Shepard directly, "We were concerned about your memories degrading past any hope of recovery before we were done. Wilson suggested we use a cocktail of drell neurochemicals and flood your neural tissue with them to keep your memories stable for as long as needed. Drell have perfect long term memories, they don't degrade over time or become less accessible like human memories. And of course it worked, you remember who you are and you remember your past. The fact that your memories seem to have improved however, and still seem to be affected…that is surprising."

"Not really," Chakwas spoke up, gaining their attention, "the drell neurochemicals may have permanently changed the long term potentiation or LTP of the synaptic connections that control memory in the commander's brain and altered the functioning of the transfer of memories between short term and long term memory through the hippocampus. Drell brain structure allows for perfect recall due to three main reasons, they have improved tetanic stimulation of a single pathway to a synapse; they have improved synaptic cooperation in accessing their memories; and they have better LTP synaptic pathway persistence."

Seeing Shepard's confused expression, Dr. Chakwas tried a slightly different explanation, "In the human brain often only one memory pathway will be activated and that may be too weak a response to actually access the memory, but if several associated pathways are activated for the same memory then there is a greater chance of success. Commander it's impossible for your memories to have actually changed, but what might have improved is your ability to activate the synaptic pathways to them. Or to put it in another way, you may be accessing them in a more drell-like manner allowing you to recall memories that were always there but you were simply not able to access before."

Alright, neuroscience was not her field but she thought she understood what Chakwas was telling her. "So my memories will always be this way, be drell-like, from now on?" Shepard questioned uncertainly. She didn't know how she felt about that, would she always be in danger of getting caught up in her memories?

"I'm not certain" Miranda didn't look pleased at having to give that answer, probably because she didn't know the answer Shepard suspected. Ms. Lawson did not like to appear in any way as less than perfect. "Unfortunately Wilson was the one who came up with the idea and had the best understanding of it. I'll send out a message, ask the other scientists who worked with the Lazarus Project for answers."

"Ok," before she could leave Shepard decided to ask about the other thing bothering her, "My biotic abilities are much stronger than they were before, more than can just be accounted for by the new implant. Did Cerberus do something else to me besides replacing my old implant?"

"Yes," Miranda gave her an openly appraising look, "I'm surprised you haven't asked about that before now."

Shepard just shrugged, "Other things have been on my mind, and I've been more concerned with learning how to control it than asking exactly how it happened. This just seems like a good time to get all my questions on the table so to speak."

Miranda dipped her head in graceful agreement, and then answered, "We exposed your eezo nodules to element zero, to increase their density."

Shepard frowned, "I thought element zero exposure only caused the development of eezo nodules in fetus's or even more rarely young people with underdeveloped eezo nodules during puberty."

Miranda hesitated a moment before admitting, "Normally that would be true, but we used an experimental process to temporarily force yours into a receptive state similar to the condition underdeveloped nodules are in during puberty."

"So this process could be used on anyone to increase the density of their mass effect nodules?" Shepard questioned curiously. She didn't want to think about how Cerberus might have found this information, but it did have some interesting implications for human biotics.

"Perhaps with more research work, it might, but for now the process is too random and unstable." Miranda's blue eyes met hers, "Quite frankly it would have killed a living person, but you were frozen at the time. We were able to temporarily insulate your eezo nodules from your neural tissues and drain the mass effect field fluctuations that occurred due to the additional exposure so that they didn't send you into convulsions and burn out your neural pathways."

Shepard remembered the report about her body being exposed to vacuum and subzero temperatures. "I was a Spectrecicle?" she couldn't help it, she started chuckling, it just struck her as funny to her right then and it was better than getting bent again over the way she had died.

Both Chakwas and Miranda stared at her, with slightly shocked expressions. Miranda recovered first, a smirk curving her lips, "Yes you were, if you hadn't been we wouldn't have even attempted it."

Somehow it didn't surprise Shepard that Miranda at least sort of understood her black humor, she quirked a smile at the black haired woman, "So you made my eezo nodules larger and that along with the new L5n amplifier increased my biotic abilities."

"Correct, and the procedure worked much better than we had hoped, your eezo nodules more than doubled in size. Eezo nodule size is only a rough measurement of biotic ability of course, but judging from the data we have on asari your abilities should be on par with the median to upper range of their species. I'm very curious to see how you progress as is the Illusive Man," Miranda's tone sounded odd. Shepard eyed her more closely, she had sounded jealous? Of course, Miranda had been engineered to be a powerful biotic by her father, but on the team Jack, and now Shepard, were more powerful human biotics. Shepard didn't really have much sympathy for the woman's jealousy though; dying and being experimented upon or being experimented on and tortured as a child by Cerberus verses better biotics through genetic manipulation. No, there was not that much sympathy for Miranda's insecurities here.

"It certainly seems to have," Shepard confirmed.

"Well, you know just as much as I do about biotic training and how to develop your abilities and control," Miranda stated it but there was an unspoken question in her words as well.

Shepard nodded, "I've been doing some training and concentration exercises every day," she confirmed.

The Cerberus operative nodded, turned to leave and then hesitated looking over at the Commander. "Shepard, when you have a moment I would like to speak with you about something…a personal request," she added, obviously uncomfortable with even asking.

"Of course, I'll stop by your office as soon as I'm done here," Shepard assured her.

She crossed over to Miranda's office as soon as Dr. Chakwas was finished with her, whatever this request was it was weighing on her first officer. Miranda didn't do hesitant and uncertain, at least not if she could help it. "Shepard," Miranda greeted her as soon as she entered, "I find myself in the unpleasant position of needing to ask for your help. I don't like discussing personal matters, but this is important."

"Miranda, you're one of my crew," Shepard reassured her, "what's on your mind?"

"Remember what I told you about my father building a dynasty?" Miranda asked, and then paused, a disconcerted expression flitting over her face. Undoubtedly realizing what an inane question it was given their discussion less than an hour ago with Dr. Chakwas.

"Yes I do," Shepard resisted the urge to tease the other woman; she probably remembered their discussion better than Miranda. But the other woman was too tense to joke with right now; she probably wouldn't take it very well.

"Yes I guess you do," Miranda commented, then continued on with a determined expression, "anyway there was another reason I went to Cerberus for protection." She paused, staring at Shepard her gaze troubled uncertain, and searching.

Amanda met that gaze calmly, trying to encourage Miranda to open up, to trust her. The other woman stood up, came around the desk to face her, "I have a sister, a twin, and he's still hunting her." Evidently Miranda did trust her, at least enough to tell her this, "Cerberus has kept her safe until now. She's living a normal life on Illium, safe and hidden from my father."

And there it was the other reason Miranda had so much invested in trusting and believing Cerberus and the Illusive Man. "So you think your father has tracked her down," Shepard stated, it was obvious that was the reason behind this revelation. So, not as much trust as she had hoped. This was a forced and uneasy trust, and driven by necessity, but at least it was something. Miranda trusted that she would agree to help her protect her sister.

"Precisely Commander, my sources indicate that he knows she's on Illium. I've tried to keep her hidden without impacting her life, but I'm out of options," Miranda admitted. She turned took a few paces, and then leaned against her desk. She looked back over at the commander, "He's too close; I need to relocate my sister's family before it's too late."

"Can you tell me a little bit more about your sister?" Shepard asked, curious about the person she was about to agree to help.

"She's my genetic twin, we're identical. But she deserves a normal life," Miranda's expression hardened in determination, "and she's going to get it no matter what," that definitely sounded like a vow. It actually made Shepard respect Miranda more, she could understand doing what was necessary to protect your family.

How exactly would this work though, Shepard wondered, "Does your sister's family know about this? Are they ok with being relocated?"

"They know nothing, their completely uninvolved. Normal," Miranda replied, then before Shepard could begin to worry, "I told Cerberus and their coming up with a positive reason to move the family."

Well at least they wouldn't have to come up with that part, Shepard thought, this was starting to sound like a stand by and watch mission. Of course, those could fall apart rather quickly if you weren't on the ball so it wouldn't do to assume this would be easy, "What do you need me to do?"

"My father is extremely persistent; I'd like to go to Illium when Cerberus is moving the family to make sure none of his agents get too close," Miranda responded promptly.

Shepard frowned there was one potential problem with this, one of the three recruitment dossiers they had gotten was for Tali. During their meeting on Freedom's Progress the quarian had mentioned a mission in geth controlled territory and that was where she was, on Haestrom deep in geth territory. Upon finding out, Shepard had immediately given the order for them to head directly to Haestrom. Shepard knew Liara would understand, getting Tali out of a dangerous situation was more important than arriving on Illium a week earlier. "We're currently on course for Haestrom, can…"

"We have time before Cerberus is ready to move her, Commander," Miranda interrupted her, "I fully understand the need to find Tali'Zorah first; it sounds like she's potentially in a very dangerous situation."

"Thank you, Garrus was bad enough," Shepard admitted, remembering how close they had come to losing the turian.

"I understand Commander," Miranda reassured her.

Shepard nodded, she didn't make any move to leave however, there was something else on her mind and this seemed like a good time to bring it up. "While I'm here I do have one piece of ships business I need to discuss with you."

"Of course," Miranda returned to her chair and looked at her expectantly.

"The funds we've gotten from Cerberus haven't been as generous as I'd hoped," Shepard stated. "We're on our way to Illium next and from all accounts that will be the best place to purchase cutting edge upgrades. But they will be expensive."

"We probably won't have the credits to buy everything you might want to Commander, you'll have to prioritize," Miranda didn't look very pleased as she said it.

"Perhaps not," Shepard raised one hand to stop Miranda from replying. "We had the same issue with credits on the original Normandy. But that was before we started taking the time to scan systems for mineral deposits and before we started salvaging armor and weapons for resale."

"Yes I know about that," Miranda confirmed leaning back in her chair and eying Shepard thoughtfully, "You had quite a healthy ships account before the Collectors attack," she sounded respectful.

Shepard nodded, there was a reason for that respect, there had been almost nine million credits in the ships account before the first Normandy had been destroyed. They had done very well for themselves. "The majority of the previous Normandy's accounts were paid out to the crew when I was declared dead as per my instructions. We're facing the same issues now as we did then; we need armor, weapons and upgrades for them, as well as any other upgrades which might tilt the odds in our favor when we go up against the Collectors. We need credits," she finished plainly.

Miranda nodded, "You want us to do the same thing," she commented sounding intrigued.

"I'm sure there's still a market for any excess resources and salvaged armor and weapons, things can't have changed that much in two years," Shepard confirmed. "It's the way I afforded the best armor and weapons for the crew before; I don't see any reason not to go the same route again. There's no reason while the team is on a mission that the crew can't scan the system we're in for minerals. And no reason for us not to collect salvageable weapons and armor to bring back to the ship for refurbishing and resale. I'd just like to make sure they don't end up back in the hands of mercenaries we're likely to be fighting."

Miranda frowned, "I do have to admit I'm concerned about the lack of funds now that this mission is started," she admitted, "it seems odd, but perhaps there are larger funding issues that the Illusive Man is currently facing that I'm not aware of."

Shepard shrugged, "As I said, being a Spectre didn't pay well before so this situation is nothing new to me." She waited a moment for the other woman to say something, but Miranda appeared deep in thought. Probably already considering how to accomplish what she wanted, or she hoped that was what the woman was thinking about. "So can I leave the rebirth of the Normandy Mining and Salvage Consortium in your capable hands?"

Miranda focused back on her, "I believe I can locate contacts for us to sell any extra mineral resources we might have on hand. We definitely have more element zero on hand than I can see us ever using that should bring in a decent amount. As for weapons and armor resale contacts that might take more time. Selling it back to the mercenary companies would be easiest, but I agree it doesn't make sense to arm them when we find ourselves going up against them so often in the Terminus Systems." Miranda gave her a confident looking nod, "I don't see any reason why I shouldn't be able to set this up within the week. With any luck we will be able to afford the upgrades that you want to buy, and if not this trip, then I'm sure we will be visiting Illium more than once."


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By Kudara
> 
> Disclaimer: The Mass Effect universe is the property of Bioware/Electronic Arts. No infringement of these copyrights is intended as this is a not for profit fan fiction work.
> 
> Warning: none
> 
> Notes: This is inspired by the Beyonce song "Save the Hero," from the album I am…Sasha Fierce. This is an Alternate Universe story.
> 
> More notes: Yes I am using elvish in this section for the Prothean language, in case anyone was wondering. I'm also changing up things quite a bit to explain why a Vanguard Shepard's biotic charge is so different from any other charge you see in the game.
> 
> Rating: Teen
> 
> Feedback: Always welcome, feedback is what encourages me to keep writing. Please let me know what you like and what you dislike about the story.
> 
> Errors and Corrections: Yes, please let me know about any errors you see so that I can correct them. This is un-beta'ed so it probably has a few.
> 
> Revision History: 03/18/2010; 07/11/2010; 02/20/2011

**Normandy, after Haestrom**

They had reached Tali in time, but Shepard still wished they had gotten there sooner. She wished that they had been able to save more of the quarian marines and perhaps some of Tali's science team. Shepard saw how their deaths affected her friend, and she knew why, it was a heavy responsibility having people die for you. She was glad that she had persuaded the quarian marine Kal'Reegar to stand down and not sacrifice himself. Shepard had seen the relief in Tali's stance when he showed up behind them after all the geth had been killed and the observatory unlocked. The quarian had needed to know that not everyone who had been with her on that mission had died.

Now if only Tali's orientation meeting had gone just a little better. The quarian had let Jacob know in no uncertain terms that she did not trust him or any of the Cerberus crew and wasn't even interested in pretending to be friendly towards them. Jacob, not surprisingly, had gotten defensive in response to her antagonistic manner. Shepard hadn't known whether to groan and laugh, or knock Jacob upside the head for his last comment to Tali about not forgetting to introduce herself to the ships AI, EDI, as the quarian walked out the door.

Now she was on her way to engineering, hopefully Tali had settled in and would be more relaxed surrounded by the ship's engines. For everyone's sake, she needed the quarian to tone down the anti-Cerberus rhetoric. Tali didn't need to make enemies of people who were only wearing the uniform and logo because they believed Cerberus was the only one who would do something about the Collector threat. Most of these people had no idea about the atrocities Cerberus had committed in the past, or if they had heard anything they discounted it as Alliance propaganda.

It was also for her own sake, Shepard felt she was making headway among the Cerberus crew and she didn't need someone they knew was a close personal friend of hers constantly attacking them. It would just make winning them over that much more difficult and Shepard suspected she would need the crew on her side sometime in the future just like she had needed them on her side when she had to mutiny and steal the Normandy to follow Saren to Ilos.

"Shepard," Tali greeted her as she entered Engineering, "What can I do for you?"

Shepard didn't want this conversation overheard by either Donnelly or Daniels, "Have time to discuss the new Normandy?" She inclined her head toward the walkway that overlooked the Normandy's drive core. It would be impossible for any listening devices to work well this close to an active drive core, thus it was a safe place for their conversation.

"Of course," midway down the walkway Tali asked, "did you really want to discuss the ship?"

"No, I wanted to talk with you," Shepard admitted easily.

Tali nodded, "I suspected. We didn't really have time to chat while taking out the geth on Haestrom did we?" They stopped at the end of the walkway, at the overlook. "I can't believe so many people died, thank you again for getting Reegar out alive." Her tone hardened, "All for data about stars blowing up, I hope the Admiralty Board gets some use out of it."

That reminded Shepard, "Have you heard any word about Kal'Reegar? Did he survive his injuries?"

"He sent me a message, it looks like he will make a full recovery," Tali reassured her. "Any time you get a suit puncture it's a matter of luck. Reegar got out with a relatively minor infection."

Noting that Tali had used a shortened form of the man's name twice, Shepard eyed her quarian friend curiously, wondering if there had been something more to Tali's desire for the quarian marine to stay alive than just what she had assumed. "So Reegar huh? I would have thought his name would be shortened to Kal."

"No, that's for females," Tali explained,

"So, I gather Reegar is a good friend of yours?" Shepard inquired casually.

Evidently not casually enough though because Tali immediately growled at her, "What is it, I can't be friends with a man without everyone thinking that it means more than just that? Must I be looking for a husband already?"

Shepard held up her hands in hasty surrender, "Ok, ok, just asking. He seemed like a nice guy, is it so bad that I wondered if you'd met someone you might be interested in?" Obviously this was a very touchy subject.

"No," Tali deflated, "It's just that as Admiral Rael'Zorah's daughter all my actions have always gotten a lot of attention, and that didn't end once I joined the Neema. If I talked to a man more than twice that was enough to start the gossiping."

"Ah," that explained a lot, "I guess quite a few people have asked you about Reegar then," Shepard commented.

"Yes," Tali complained, and Shepard fought down the urge to chuckle at the wealth of irritation contained in that one word. She couldn't resist, she arched an inquiring brow at her quarian friend, and leveled her best entreating smile Tali's way.

Tali huffed at her and shook her head, but from the sound of it Shepard could tell there was amusement there as well as exasperation. "I don't know. We met when the teams were preparing to go to Haestrom," Shepard's smile slipped, "and well…"

"I'm sorry," she grimaced, reached out, and touched the quarian woman on the arm with her fingertips. "I didn't mean to remind you of that." Shepard paused, met Tali's glowing eyes behind her faceplate, "But if you ever want to talk about it Tali, just let me know," she offered softly.

Tali's hand covered hers, "Thank you Shepard, maybe sometime later." Then the quarian removed her hand, and drew away a little.

Shepard nodded, accepting the other woman's withdrawal. This was not the place for such a conversation, and if it happened it would have to happen when Tali was ready. "There is one thing I wanted to ask of you," she said after a moment, making sure she was facing the drive core. "Things were tense between you and Jacob; he's really not a bad guy. Just naive when it comes to Cerberus, but I suspect they've been careful to keep him far away from any really questionable activities. He got disillusioned with the Alliance, and Cerberus managed to recruit him because they promised to get things done without him having to go through a mile of red tape to do it or wait months for someone to make a decision about what to do."

"But Cerberus…" Tali protested, and Shepard noticed the quarian was also careful to remain facing the drive core.

"I know Tali," Shepard interrupted her, "I know what Cerberus is really like and the types of sick things they're responsible for, but you need to realize that most of the rank and file crew on this ship are colonists. They don't know anything about Cerberus other than the fact that their willing to do something about the Collectors, while the Alliance appears to be doing nothing. Or their like Donnelly and Daniels, severely disillusioned with both the Council and Systems Alliance because of what they said about me and the Reaper threat after I died. The only thing those two know about Cerberus is that they promised they would get to work for me and to do something about the Reaper threat. I'm not asking you to pretend you like Cerberus, just to give the crew a chance as individuals."

"Listen to them," Shepard continued, "listen to what they say about Cerberus and keep your temper and don't immediately jump in and attack them for who their working for right now. If they ask about why you don't like Cerberus go ahead and tell them about the attack on the Migrant Fleet, but don't overdo it and make them feel like they have to defend themselves."

"Alright," Tali answered cautiously, "but why?"

"This entire ship is like a well baited lure, trying to persuade me into thinking that Cerberus is a much more benign organization than it really is, but to do it the Illusive Man had to actually recruit people that would never have anything to do with their more questionable activities, much less the types of experiments we interrupted and destroyed. I'm fully expecting the Illusive Man to betray me at some point, and I'm planning on having the majority of the crew behind me and not him when it happens. I'm sure there are moles onboard pretending to be something they aren't, and I have a few suspicions as to who they are already. It's the rest of them I need to bring over to me before that happens, and that will be more difficult if they see a close friend of mine constantly attacking them."

Tali just stared at her for several seconds before drawing closer, "You are undercover," she whispered.

"In a way, yes, I guess I am and I'm asking you to keep what I said in mind and not let anyone know what I'm doing. Garrus is the only other one that knows. Oh, and feel free to destroy any bugs you find anywhere, both Mordin and Garrus have already done so and Garrus did, and regularly does, a sweep of my quarters. If there are any real expensive ones and your feeling nice, you can return them to Miranda. I think she's actually getting used to it now."

"Keelah," Tali uttered, her tone incredulous, "Shepard what have you gotten me into."

"A tense and dangerous situation, yes I know, and if you want to return to the Migrant Fleet at any time just tell me and I'll take you back. I won't blame you a bit for wanting out," Shepard assured her. She wouldn't put the quarian in this position unwillingly, and she knew it was a lot to ask.

Tali stared at her for a moment, and then replied resolutely "No, I'm with you."

 

**Normandy, CIC**

"You have unread messages at your private terminal Commander," Kelly mentioned as Shepard walked by, looking up only briefly from her own work as the Commander walked by her.

"Thank you, Kelly," Shepard replied politely. What would it be today she wondered, actual messages or clever spam that had managed to make it through the mail filtering algorithms.

The first was from some company Shepard had never heard of before with the subject line of, 'Have you been dumped for a krogan?' The second one was from Dr. Chakwas, 'Re: Your medical scans'. Even thought it was obviously spam, Shepard didn't delete the first message. It sounded like something she should read later just for the amusement value. As for the second, Dr. Chakwas wanted to see her at her earliest convenience. Shepard closed out her terminal and headed toward the elevator, both curious and a little concerned about what the doctor wanted to discuss with her.

"Commander," Chakwas turned around at the sound of the door opening, "I'm glad you came by so promptly. I found something unusual in your neurological scans." The doctor smiled wryly, "Well other than physical evidence confirming that the drell neurochemicals Cerberus used have changed the way your memories are accessed and stored."

The doctor turned around and typed on her keyboard for a moment, pulling up what looked like scans of a human brain. “These are the neurological scans I did of you the other day. What concerns me is this area here,” Dr. Chakwas pointed out one dimly lit area on the display that looked like fine strands of an intricate and multilayered spiderweb. “These appear to be memories, but they’re not where you would normally find them in a human,” the display changed, “this is where I would expect to see memory activity, this particular area in your temporal lobe and around the hippocampus, and as you see, you do have memories located here. They appear a little different from I would expect, but as I mentioned, the increased synaptic pathway potentiation I'm seeing is due to the effects of the drell neurochemicals.”

“Interestingly, this area of the temporal lobe, if you were an asari that is,” Dr. Chakwas continued, “would be where memories shared during a meld would be stored. But the information we have on humans melding with asari shows that the new memories are stored in the same place as normally obtained memories. Human brains don't distinguish between the two different types of memories when storing them.”

"The Cipher?" Shepard theorized hesitantly, "For the memories that are located where an asari would store them, I mean. Maybe they went there?" It was the only thing Shepard could think of that fit. What Shiala had given her hadn't exactly been memories, but the very essence of being a Prothean. The Cipher was supposed to allow her to think like a Prothean: to understand their culture, their history, their very existence. Shepard doubted she had ever fully understood it, but she had understood enough to interpret the beacon's visions and to understand the language of the warning message they had found on Ilos.

"Now that's an interesting possibility," mused Dr. Chakwas, "When I made the neural scans of you after the incidents on Eden Prime, Feros and Virmire, the diagnostic equipment on the original Normandy couldn't really tell me anything except that you had abnormally high beta waves and that you didn't appear to have any neurological damage. But then that equipment was mean only for basic neurological diagnostics so you could stabilize your patient long enough to get them to a proper medical facility, and not diagnosing unknown conditions cause by direct data input from ancient beacons or asari mind melds," she commented dryly.

Shepard grinned, "I always like to keep you on your toes doctor."

"That you do," Chakwas agreed with a smile. She turned to look at the Medical bay, "I have to say I appreciate the diagnostic and medical equipment I have available to me here. This medical bay is almost up to the same standards as your average colonial hospital, and the only reason it's not is because there simply isn't room for some of the more specialized diagnostic and treatment equipment."

"If there's anything we can upgrade, just let me know before we dock at Illium," Shepard stated. "There aren't going to be any hospitals on the other side of the Omega 4 relay, and I'd hardly consider the clinic on the Omega station a viable option for us either. You and Mordin will need to be able to treat most injuries right here." Shepard was quite serious about this; she didn't want anyone dying for lack of proper medical care.

Dr. Chakwas nodded and her green eyes narrowed as she glanced keenly around the medical bay, "I'll look into it and I'll ask Mordin if he has any suggestions as well."

Shepard straightened preparing to leave, "Well, if there is nothing else?"

The white haired woman returned her attention to Shepard, "Actually, I would like to try something if you have about thirty minutes Commander."

Shepard raised one curious brow at the doctor, "I do. What were you thinking?"

"Well, if it is the Cipher," Dr. Chakwas responded, "then I'd expect to see activity in that area of your temporal lobe when you access those memories."

Shepard frowned; she didn't remember getting any memories from the Cipher, only that she had finally been able to understand the beacon's message as something other than vivid nightmarish images. With the Cipher in her mind, she had been able to tell that the message was a warning sent to any surviving Protheans telling of the Reaper threat and that there were survivors hidden on Ilos. "The only Prothean thing I remember is the beacon message," she informed Chakwas.

"That's fine, if you'll just wait for me to get set up?" It only took a few minutes for the doctor to place the sensory pads on her forehead and around her scalp. "Now think about the beacon message and then just try and let your mind wander, see if anything else is associated with it even if it's just random images or words."

People crying out in despair, visions of world after world destroyed, and the violation of flesh by machine. For those still alive and seeking refuge, the location of Ilos, and finally the image of their attackers, a Reaper, a sentient machine. Shepard let her mind drift after the beacon message finished; trying to neither think of any one thing nor to think of nothing, just waiting to see if anything would come to the forefront of her conscious mind.

The sun shone brightly down upon Instructor Suiadan and his student Tuarwen. He was carefully explaining how to focus and maintain a mass effect field of sufficient strength and shape to form a short corridor within which Senior Student Tuarwen would float, safely cushioned and very close to mass free. In this way his student could propel himself across short distances. This use of a mass effect field was very similar to that used by the mass relays to move ships from one relay to the next. Only their corridors spanned many light years and were formed between two different relays. Once sufficiently skilled, Tuarwen would even be able to phase through most objects in his way. Just as the corridors phased though objects provided their mass and gravity was not enough to bend the corridor around them. Tuarwen wouldn't have that level of control over his mass effect field for many more months yet though. This was a very advanced skill and only taught to those Senior Students that showed sufficient aptitude and skill in forming mass effect fields that they were judged able to master it by the instructors.

Suddenly everything around him changed. Instead of standing up he was laying down upon something, and instead of outside he was in a room with a strange looking alien hovering over him. Who was this and how did he come to be here instead of outside where he had just been teaching? "_Ya naa lle?_" he asked. The alien looked confused and then alarmed at his simple question. "_Lle rangwa amin?_" Could it not understand him perhaps? How had he come to be here? And where was here? He looked about the room in confusion, "_Manke naa lye?_"

"Shepard," he looked at the alien wondering what it was trying to communicate, repeating the same sound over and over. "Shepard."

He focused on the sound wondering what it meant and why it seemed so important….

Dr. Chakwas this was Dr. Chakwas, and she was Amanda Athene Shepard, not Instructor Suiadan Ildroun, biotics teacher and…Prothean. "Dr. Chakwas?" Amanda blinked, trying to focus, clear the confusion, the lingering traces of being another person, another sex, another species.

"Commander Shepard?" the older woman hovered over her, looking down, her green eyes anxious.

"Yes," Shepard responded, "it's me. What just happened? It was as if I were another person," she frowned, "a Prothean biotics teacher." She sat up slowly, "His name was Suidan Ildroun, he was teaching another Prothean, another male called Tuarwen Shamirdren." She thought she managed to pronounce the names correctly, it felt both odd and familiar to say them aloud.

Chakwas just stared at her for several seconds, looking a little stunned. "You started speaking another language, looked at me as if you didn't know me. I thought you might remember something but I never expected…" The older woman shook her head, then refocused on her, "Do you feel alright?"

Shepard rubbed her face, "I have a slight headache, but other than that I think I'm fine."

"I'd like to run another scan on you, make sure you're alright," Chakwas said, she gave her a concerned look, "And this time don't think of anything Prothean please."

Shepard smiled, "No problem, once a day is enough for me." As she lay back down on the diagnostic table Shepard didn't quite follow the doctor's instructions to the letter. One Prothean thing was definitely on her mind, the way she had been using her biotics since she had awoke. Specifically the way she was now doing her biotic charge. She had never been taught in any Alliance school how to make herself mass free, or how to form a mass effect corridor to essentially glide within, or how to protect herself against injury when she came out of the charge by using the remaining mass effect field around her as both a shaped biotic impact attack and deceleration cushion. She had been using Prothean biotic techniques, the same ones Suidan had been teaching his student, and that fact chilled Shepard. She had been using the biotic charge in combat without fully understanding what she was doing, and she now knew could have very easily killed herself performing what was actually a very advanced and complex biotic skill which had been only taught to the prothean equivalent of graduate level students.

Instructor Suidan had a student who had died while learning how to biotic charge. Beinion had literally torn himself apart after forming his mass effect corridor incorrectly and then charging before a horrified Suidan could stop him. It had taken Suidan several months and some determined support from his wife, Erulassë, and the other Instructors before he had accepted that it hadn't been his fault. The senior students all knew that while learning such potentially dangerous skills they had to wait for their instructor's confirmation of each step before proceeding to the next. Beinion Crometh had just been impatient and convinced he should progress at a faster rate than his instructor was letting him. He had ended up a bloody and gruesome smear across the long length of the practice field.

That was one reason Suidan was so careful to teach the skill in a painstakingly exact step-by-step manner. After that tragic death, the Instructor had made sure his students had thoroughly mastered the easier sub-skills involved before putting them all together to actually master the biotic charge. Shepard didn't doubt that she knew it and had mastered the requisite skills now that she had Suidan's memories, but it would have been very easy for her to have killed herself earlier when she hadn't really understood exactly what she was doing.

Thirty minutes later. "This is very interesting," Dr. Chakwas commented staring at the scan results intently, "It's like there is another complete second set of memories stored within your brain encompassing all the different types of memory, semantic, episodic, visual and sensory."

"Here look," Chakwas typed in a few commands and pulled up two different images and then overlaid them, "See, here are the different declarative memory areas in the temporal lobe, but also look at the other memory storage areas of the brain in the hippocampus, amygdala, striatum, and mammillary bodies. See how the active areas shifted?"

Shepard did see it, it wasn't much of a shift, but it was clear that different areas were being accessed in the two different scans. "That's the Cipher then, the experience of being a Prothean and the memories…of course," realization dawned, "Shiala said that the Thorian absorbed some of the Protheans when they died. She didn't say how, but she did say that it absorbed some of their memories when it absorbed the bodies. That must be what I accessed, those memories." Shepard stared at the display with an uneasy frown and very unsettled feelings. She had the memories of people who had been dead for over fifty thousand years in her mind, and it seemed they were beginning to rise to the surface of her conscious mind instead of remaining locked away as part of the Cipher.

 

**Citadel**

Chief Williams had arrived on the SSV New Dehli almost a week ago, returning from the recently attacked colony Horizon with not only a highly classified report from Spectre Shepard, but the bodies of two Collectors and two husks. Specimens that the Chief had managed to smuggle onto the ship without anyone noticing and then had managed to get a secure line to Anderson to ask him to arrange for them to be removed from the ship the same way, without anyone noticing they had ever been there. That had been a little trickier to arrange, but Williams had made that part easier by hiding the stasis tubes containing the specimens in a crate marked as trash to be disposed. It had been some very quick thinking on the Chief's part.

It had only taken Anderson a few minutes to decide that his best bet was to contact Councilor Valern to gain his assistance. Anderson suspected the salarian would find the secrecy with which the specimens had been obtained and an opportunity to gather intelligence on the Collectors intriguing, and he had been right. With Valern's help, Anderson had gotten authorization for the New Dehli to dock at a Council dock when it arrived instead of an Alliance dock. From there Councilor Valern had made the arrangements to get the crate removed from the ship and into the hands of a group of Council researchers with sufficient clearance. Anderson suspected the salarian dock workers involved were actually STG members but he didn't care, they had successfully removed the crate from the New Dehli without any of the Alliance crew but Williams being any the wiser.

Anderson had been rather pleased with himself, he had managed everything without Udina having been involved or even privy to any of it. He had been quite frank with the other Councilors of the fact that he couldn't be certain that Udina, being as pro-human as he was and with his dislike of Shepard, might not be too much of a security risk to be informed of this. They had seemed surprised at his mistrust of the former Ambassador and now his aide, but demurred to his judgment in the matter of who on his own staff he notified.

The verbal report Chief Williams had tensely related to the Council had been disturbing to say the least. Shepard had made several assertions:

That Cerberus had found and taken Commander Shepard's body, that she had been clinically dead until only three months ago, and actually recovered enough to be on her feet for a little over a month now.

That Shepard had come before the Council after only a week after fully recovering, and her sole involvement with Cerberus until then was accompanying them to investigate the colony disappearance on Freedom's Progress.

That Cerberus had manipulated Council and the Alliance into providing her no support so that she would have no choice but to continue working with them if she wanted to stop the Collectors attacks.

That Shepard didn't trust Cerberus and believed they had a secondary motive for wanting her to attack the Collectors.

That Cerberus was intentionally and systematically denying information to the Alliance and Council to ensure that they didn't take any actions against the Collectors.

That Cerberus had manipulated the Alliance into sending Chief Williams to Horizon to lure the Collectors to that colony.

That the Illusive Man was a master strategist, and that Cerberus was well funded and well connected within both the Alliance and Alliance Defense Industry with a multi-billion credit yearly budget.

That Cerberus had spent four billion credits rebuilding Shepard, but that she feared they might take steps to ensure their control over her if they knew she was passing on information to the Council.

Even to Anderson, some of it had sounded very unlikely. Shepard had been clinically dead for almost two years? Cerberus had spent four billion credits rebuilding her body? Surely that was false information they had given her, perhaps to make her feel obligated to help them. And while he had no doubt that Cerberus wasn't to be trusted and he suspected it was true they were both well-connected within the Alliance and well-funded, the idea that they would be able to so easily manipulate both the Council and the Alliance's intelligence sources seemed improbable.

Then Chief Williams had transmitted all of the data the Spectre had given her along with the results of her scan of Shepard.

Even Councilor Melletus, who had been openly skeptical of everything Williams was saying, had been briefly silenced by the results of the scan once it was displayed. The omni-tool's sensors couldn't penetrate Shepard's armor, but she had not been wearing a helmet when Williams had taken it.

Shepard's entire face had been rebuilt, both of her eyes were cybernetic replacements, her jaw, facial bones had been reinforced and showed clear evidence of bone scars from multiple breaks. Her facial muscles, tissue and skin were now a combination of bio-synthetics and cybernetic replacements. Her skull had been reinforced as well, though it showed much fewer signs of past injury than the bones of her face. Her spinal column, at least what they could see of it in the scan, was now reinforced with protective metal plates over the spinal column and the biotic implant at the base of her skull did not register as an Alliance L3 implant, but one from unknown manufacture and with an unfamiliar design, obviously a prototype.

Suddenly Shepard's claim that her body had been found and taken by Cerberus and then rebuilt over the span of almost two years didn't seem so implausible. The completeness of the facial reconstruction evident in the scan Williams had made mutely spoke of the amount of damage done to Shepard's face and body to require it.

"Are we certain that was Shepard and not some Cerberus construct or clone?" Councilor Melletus had questioned his tone hard and suspicious.

"C-Sec scanners are state of the art, she is not a clone; the scanners would have detected it. In any case, if she were, facial reconstruction would not have been needed." Councilor Valern had responded, nipping the turian's questioning of Shepard's identity neatly in the bud so to speak.

Melletus' silence following Valern's rebuttal, had allowed them to move onto viewing the data files Shepard had transferred to Chief Williams. Anderson found information in the data files been both interesting, informative, and a grave cause for concern. There was a new Reaper, Harbringer, involved with the Collectors. Where was it located? Was it here in this galaxy or still out in dark space? And what connection did the Collectors have with it? Newly indoctrinated slaves, or were they working with it like the geth had been working with Sovereign? And what of these new types of husks Shepard had fought?

Councilor Melletus, once he had realized that Shepard thought the controlled Collector was possessed by a Reaper, had immediately started to question all of the data Shepard had sent to them. That hadn't surprised Anderson, and he had immediately begun to marshal his arguments as to why the other two Councilors shouldn't immediately dismiss it as well. They hadn't been needed however; much to Anderson's surprise, Councilors Valern and Tevos made it immediately clear they weren't willing to dismiss all the data Shepard had collected just because of that one thing.

Melletus had then insisted that whatever had happened to her, and whatever Cerberus had done to her; Shepard was clearly mentally unstable and should be brought back to the Citadel. By force if needed. Once again Councilor Valern and Councilor Tevos had demurred, insisting instead that they wait for the results from the scientists examining the specimens before coming to a decision on Shepard's fate. Anderson had only needed to agree with them to block Melletus' effort to send someone after Shepard.

Anderson wasn't entirely certain why Valern and Tevos were suddenly interested in Shepard, but in this case he wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth. He was sure if he kept alert some hint would be dropped that would make the reasons for their turnabout clear to him.

Then the report had come in that a ship claiming to be from the Alliance had arrived shortly after the SSV New Delhi had left. The personnel onboard had combed though the colony and had taken every Collector and husk corpse they could find with them. The ship hadn't been Alliance; no one knew who it belonged to, but Anderson certainly had his suspicions. If Shepard hadn't insisted that Williams collect the specimens then they would have been left with nothing but the logs from Shepard's omni-tool.

That piece of information had definitely unsettled the other Councilors. Melletus had promptly tried to use it to insinuate that Shepard was actually working with Cerberus and that she was the one trying to feed them false information.

Anderson had scoffed at him, reminding the turian of Shepard's statement that working with Cerberus was akin to slogging around in a swamp filled with snakes and leaches. She hated Cerberus, and had in the past taken every chance to destroy any Cerberus bases she had come across. Once again Councilor Valern and Councilor Tevos had sided with him, insisting that all the evidence needed to be carefully examined before any course of action was decided upon. A few more days to let the scientists complete their reports would not make a great deal of difference. Councilor Melletus hadn't been pleased, but then Anderson could really care less about what the turian Councilor thought right now. Melletus was currently finding himself in a position Anderson was only too familiar with…three Councilors against one.

And now this, three days later an emergency meeting of the Council, classified at the highest security level. Anderson had no idea why, but he suspected it had something to do with the four specimens, two Collector corpses and two husks. The scientists examining them must have found something very interesting.

The two lead scientists, a salarian, Dr. Naven, and an asari, Dr. T'Rani, began as soon as he arrived since the other three Councilors were already present. The asari scientist started off their report, "We began running a genome sequence analysis on the Collector specimens as soon as we received them. The results we obtained from the original analysis were so surprising that we took a second set of samples and ran the tests again to verify the results. They were the same; the original results were not in error."

"The Collectors have been extensively genetically rewritten: there are no signs of any junk DNA sequences, and there is a reduced heterochromatin structure. We also found," the two scientists paused to glance at each other before Dr. T'Rani continued, "a quad-strand genetic structure unique to the Protheans."

Anderson's eyes widened, and he drew in a surprised breath…the Collectors had once been Protheans?

The salarian, Dr. Naven, took over, "Examination of the two Collector specimens shows extensive cybernetic modification probably to compensate for reduced intelligence due to the genetic rewriting. Their brains are wired with sensory input transfer structures which forward sensory data to a remote location. There are none of the normal functioning glands that we would expect to see in an insectoid species, instead they have all been replaced by cybernetics. Their digestive system has also been replaced by cybernetic implants."

"You're actually claiming the Collectors are Protheans?" Melletus asked disbelievingly, "But they look nothing like the statues on Ilos!" he protested.

Dr. T'Rani narrowed her eyes, "As we said before Councilor," she responded tersely, "they have been subjected to extensive genetic modifications. The quad-strand is irrefutable evidence that they started out as Protheans several generations ago, but they cannot be said to be Protheans now."

"Please continue with your report Dr. T'Rani," Councilor Tevos said firmly before anyone else could interrupt.

Dr. T'Rani nodded respectfully to her, "Actually I'm almost done Councilor. It is our conclusion that the Protheans were extensively genetically modified by some unknown species to serve basically the same types of functions for which we use mechanicals. No matter what they once were, the Collectors are now biological tools, incapable of true independent thought. If they are abducting human colonies, then there is some other species or agency directing their actions."

Anderson immediately knew what agency it was, the Reapers, but the other Councilors had already decided the Reapers were just a myth. How could he pitch this so the other Councilors would pay more attention to the Collector threat?

He waited until the two scientists had left the room before addressing the other three Council members, "What if Shepard is right and Cerberus has another hidden objective in going after the Collectors. The Collector assault rifle Shepard scanned proves that Cerberus is researching Collector technology. They're most likely the ones who took the Collector and husk corpses. They probably already know everything we've just learned about the Collectors."

"Cerberus has shown an interest in creating mindless and obedient soldiers in the past," he continued. "Shepard destroyed research facilities studying husks, thorians and rachni, all with the purpose of creating such an army. What if Cerberus is actually after the technology that made the Collectors what they are?  
With the entire population of Freedom's Promise and a third of the population of Horizon, the Collectors have now taken over a million humans. That would make a good start on an army, and then this Illusive Man would have the ability to create more."

"You're suggesting they would do this to other humans?" Councilor Valen asked doubtfully.

"Cerberus has experimented on humans in the past, I'm certain it wouldn't bother them," Anderson responded grimly, remembering some of the sick experiments Shepard had come across. "And what's to say they would limit themselves to enslaving only humans once they had the technology in their hands?" Even Councilor Tevos, who was usually almost unreadable one of the three, showed some alarm at the possibility he had just raised.

"Then we should impound the Normandy at the next possible opportunity and arrest its Cerberus crewmembers, find out what they know about the organization," Melletus declared.

Anderson was ready for it, Melletus was rather predictable, "Cerberus will go underground and we will never know the extent of their plans. Shepard is obviously onto them, I say we let her know we are treating this as an undercover investigation of Cerberus activities and we let her continue doing what she is doing now. Keeping an eye on their activities and reporting them to us whenever she gets an opportunity to safely pass on the information. That way we not only find out what Cerberus is doing, but we also find out more about these Collectors and whatever is controlling them."

"Reapers again," Melletus sneered at him.

"In this case it's irrelevant what you or I believe, Councilor Melletus," Anderson took great pleasure in responding, "something is in control of the Collectors and I think we should find out who they are and what their intentions are toward us. They have abducted over a million humans and we have no idea what they intend to do with them. They developed a plague with nearly a perfect mortality rate for non-humans and deployed it on a multi-species space station. We need to know more about them in order to evaluate how much of a threat they are to Citadel space," Anderson stated firmly.

Tevos and Valern glanced at each other. Valern nodded in response to her, they looked over at the turian Councilor who stared angrily back for a moment before nodding his head in a short jerking motion.

"Very well," Councilor Tevos said as she turned back to face him, "We will follow your suggestion Councilor Anderson."


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By Kudara
> 
> Disclaimer: The Mass Effect universe is the property of Bioware/Electronic Arts. No infringement of these copyrights is intended as this is a not for profit fan fiction work.
> 
> Warning: none
> 
> Notes: This is inspired by the Beyonce song "Save the Hero," from the album I am…Sasha Fierce. This is an Alternate Universe story.
> 
> Additional Notes: USS Normandy Crest - http://www.globalsecurity.org/military/agency/navy/cg-60.htm
> 
> Rating: Teen
> 
> Feedback: Always welcome, feedback is what encourages me to keep writing. Please let me know what you like and what you dislike about the story.
> 
> Errors and Corrections: Yes, please let me know about any errors you see so that I can correct them. This is un-beta'ed so it probably has a few.
> 
> Revision History: 03/21/2010

**Dreams**

Shepard was standing in front of the tank holding the rachni Queen, the decision to either free her or destroy her hanging in the balance. Risk setting the queen free based only on her word that her race wouldn't try and destroy them all again or commit genocide. Talk about your proverbial rock and hard place.

"Can I speak with you directly? Mind to mind?" The rachni was communicating with the asari in some way. She didn't know if it was possible, but she felt she had to ask.

Liara cautioned from behind her, "Shepard I do not know if that is wise. We do not know what such a mental connection might do to you."

Shepard turned to face her, "For this, I'm willing to take that risk Liara. I have to know, I have to be absolutely certain." She met the asari's gaze, her own determined, sure. There was too much at risk either way. If she killed an innocent, the last of a race that had only attacked because they were indoctrinated by the Reapers, her soul would surely be damned. If she let loose a plague upon the galaxy, millions would rightfully curse her name and hold her responsible for their deaths. She didn't know enough about the rachni to even have a hope of telling whether or not the queen was telling her the truth. And it was the truth that she needed.

"You wish to hear our song." The Queen's words through the asari speaking for her sounded wondering, "If our musics can touch one another, I will sing for you so that you may know the rachni."

Shepard stepped closer to the glass and eyed the Queen's splayed appendage pressed up against it. She really had no idea how to manage this but suspected that was the key. She reached up, pressed her own hand against the glass directly on the other side of it, closed her eyes and focused her thoughts on reach out mentally for the rachni.

Dimly she heard the dying asari that the Queen had been speaking through collapse to the floor. Then she heard something in her mind, like the faint notes of a song briefly heard in the distance. It was enough to encourage her; she reached out mentally once again, listening for the slightest repeat of the sound she had heard. There the notes were again, she sought after them. She was aware for a brief moment of alien thoughts and sensations as her mind and the rachni's brushed against one another, trying to merge but then slipped past. That wasn't exactly what happened, but it was the best description of it she could manage. Shepard didn't let herself be discouraged, she concentrated harder, feeling as if she had a better sense for what she was attempting. She reached out once again and this time when she heard the song she listened for a moment first, concentrating on it before reaching out with her own harmonious note.

Symphony that was what came to her mind first for what she was hearing, but it hardly encompassed all of it. What symphony included colors and scents, as if the very world around them encompassed them in a sensory immersion? The intensity of the sensations coming thought their mental link eased as if the Queen realized that she was becoming overwhelmed by them.

'Listen.' It was a quiet mental command, and then the Queen sang. She sang of loss, and of the mourning of her mother. She sang of the war and Shepard knew the sour yellow note of which the Queen had spoken, the one that had silenced the rachni Queens' songs and forced them to sing its discordance. A suspicion wormed its way through Shepard's mind, was the Queen describing indoctrination? But how? Centuries ago had someone else stumbled on the same dreadnought Saren had found and used it to send the rachni against the Council races? It seemed farfetched, but she couldn't deny that what the Queen had described sounded a lot like what both Shiala and Benezia had told her about indoctrination. What she thought the rachni Queen heard and wondered at it as well, that Shepard might be in discordance with those that had soured her mother's songs.

Then the song the Queen sang changed and the Queen sang of the rachni to her, their burrowing, their building, their harmony with one another, and through it all the song of the queen that guided them. The rachni were not naturally violent. They were protective of their territory and very protective of the queen, but unless someone determinedly encroached upon their territory, their home, they would not attack first. Neither would they pursue once an enemy retreated.

That was enough for Shepard, the Queen had told her the truth. She would release her and let her rebuild her race.

Shepard felt the wonder and deep gratitude of the rachni Queen, that her people would sing once again, and not returned to silence. Shepard firmly demurred; she was only doing what was right. And besides, now that she had heard the Queen's song Shepard felt that she was obligated to make up in some way for the terrible crime the researchers had committed here. Liara's words, that a child left alone in a closet until they were sixteen would not be sane, rang in her mind and stirred her wrath. Neglect on that level was child abuse, pure and simple, and though they might not have understood what they were doing, nonetheless these researchers had abused the Queen's children and had caused them to go insane. And now she would have to go and kill them, the rachni Queen's children whose only crime was that their minds had been shattered by aloneness and fear.

'It is a mercy to end their suffering,' the Queens thought came through their link, 'do not let this color your song with darkness.'

'There is nothing wrong with feeling sorrow over their fates,' Shepard gently sent back. The deaths of the Queen's children would just another regret to add to the brimming cupful she had already, the lives of the indoctrinated asari commandoes, the life of Liara's mother. Damn Saren for setting all of this in motion.

She felt the Queen's steady wondering regard at her response, and then a hesitant request, 'Would you share your song with us?' Shepard hesitated bemused, she had no song as the rachni Queen did, but then it wasn't really a song the Queen wanted just a sense of the human who had decided to let her race live. What she valued, what she believed in, what she loved, what caused anger and wrath to rise within her, Shepard didn't try and think of any one thing just let the Queen's thoughts touch own as her mind moved from one memory to the next. The pace of her thoughts eventually slowed, and then stilled. She could think of nothing else that she was willing to share which she hadn't already shared with the rachni. If the Queen needed nothing more, then Shepard was ready to free her. She needed to make her way to the hot lab and figure out how to start the timer on the thermal charges that would send it deep into the glacier.

'Before we part would you join your song with mine?' Shepard was surprised at first and then intrigued. This she knew how to do, she agreed. The Queen began singing once again. Shepard just listened for a few notes, before joining in. Her voice weaved in and amongst the Queens, dipping below, rising above, their combined voices balancing out each other in parts, in others soaring joyously together in complete harmony. Shepard had forgotten how fun this could be, singing in harmony with another, melding your voice with theirs, giving the song more depth and richness.

Through it all in her mind Shepard danced, her steps guided by their combined voices, by their chorus. Her movement as she flowed with their music, graceful and smooth, her steps sure and strong. The remembered skill from her youth, hours spent each day in the dance studio, in front of the mirrors, practicing under the keen eye of her teacher. She could feel the rachni Queen in her mind, feel her joy at how their songs fit harmoniously together, her surprise and delight at Shepard's impromptu mental dance.

Then their song ended, and feeling oddly reluctant, Shepard withdrew from the link. At the last moment both she and the Queen paused, reached out to one another once again and embraced? She wasn't even sure how to describe it, before the mental connection between them ended.

Shepard opened her eyes, looked through the glass separating them, the rachni Queen and she gazed at one another. She knew the rachni Queen wasn't looking exactly, what the rachni saw when she looked at Shepard was very different from what Shepard saw when she looked at the Queen. Dropping her hand from the glass Shepard turned to the control panel and carefully keyed in the commands to free the Queen. She watched as the glass enclosure rose, the giant rachni inside it no longer looked so alien to her, not after the joining of their minds, and their songs together. The lift locked into place, even now with an exit. The Queen paused for a moment, looked back down at her and made a noise that sounded suspiciously like gratitude, before turning and escaping her prison.

Shepard had to shake her head and smile.

"Shepard?" Liara questioned hesitantly.

"I'm fine," she turned around, "the rachni won't be any threat to anyone unless someone's stupid enough to keep trying to enter their territory after they make it clear their not welcome. There is something though, that sour yellow note she was talking about, I think they were indoctrinated."

"But…" Tali began protesting and then stopped, "You think that ship Saren has was used before to make the rachni go to war?"

"Yes," Shepard responded.

"Who," Liara wondered.

"We'll probably never know," Shepard sighed, "that was over two thousand years ago. Right now we need to get to the hot labs. The other rachni, the insane one's, they can't be allowed to escape and keep killing. We have to sink it into the glacier."

*************

"Commander," EDI's voice woke Shepard from her sleep, interrupting the dream. "You wished to be notified when we were two hours away from the Alpha Draconis system."

"Yes," Shepard sat up, "thanks EDI." The dream was still fresh in her mind; it had been a long time since she had thought about freeing the rachni Queen. When she had visited the Citadel during her ill-fated attempt to get the Councils help she had heard news reports about rachni ships, which then rapidly retreated and disappeared. It sounded like the rachni Queen was still alive; hopefully she and her children were well hidden on some toxic world no one would be interested in visiting. She hoped they were doing well, and perhaps sometime she might even see the Queen once again.

"You are welcome, logging you out Shepard."

She turned her head and stared at the console that was different. She didn't think EDI had really responded to her politeness before.

 

**Normandy, after responding to the MSV Hugo Gernsback distress beacon**

Shepard was glad that she had chosen to take Miranda along when she and Jacob went to investigate the fate of the MSV Hugo Gernsback on 2175 Aeia. What they had discovered had been hard enough on Jacob without someone who wasn't necessarily a friend witnessing the depths to which his father had sunk. The last news she had received about the mission was a report from Cerberus that an Alliance ship had arrived to take custody of Ronald Taylor and to help the remaining survivors recover.

She hadn't really planned on the side trip, but when Jacob had come to her with the information that the signal from the distress beacon on his father's ship, which had been missing for ten years, had been picked up, Shepard had decided to delay their arrival at Illium in favor of finding and aiding any survivors. She had known that Jacob was most likely right and the distress beacon had somehow activated on its own, but if there were any survivors and they had just managed to repair their distress beacon after ten years, then surely they were in a dire situation.

The situation on the planet hadn't been as simple as that, but there had definitely been survivors to aid, and Shepard was glad that she hadn't decided to put off the mission until after Illium. Those women hadn't deserved to be used as chattel for even one more day; it was horrible enough that they had suffered such abuse for the past ten years.

As stressful and disappointing as it must have been for him to find out what his father had done, Jacob seemed at peace with the resolution of the situation. Maybe there was something to be said about the idea of getting closure from the past. Cerberus still wasn't quite ready to move Miranda's sister. There was time for her to visit the former Normandy's resting place before proceeding to Illium, and before Admiral Hackett decided to move forward with the Normandy memorial plans without her.

 

**Normandy crash site**

As she stared once again at the bluish white surface of the planet which had filled her vision as she died, Shepard found herself profoundly grateful that Garrus and Tali had been adamant about accompanying her, despite her protests that she would be fine doing this alone. It was the first time she had worn a breather helmet since she died; it hadn't even crossed her mind that it might be a problem. Unfortunately it was, the feel of it heavy and enclosing, the narrowed visual range, and the sound of her own breathing echoing in her ears. She was having a hard time pushing the memories of her own death away.

"Shepard, are you alright?" Tali's worried voice in her ear was a welcome distraction.

"I will be," it was as much a statement to herself as to Tali, she wouldn't let this beat her. There wasn't a Collector ship firing at them, the Normandy wasn't coming apart around her, she wasn't floating in space with pieces of her ship flying by her, and her breather apparatus wasn't damaged. There was no reason to feel as if she didn't have enough air to breathe. "It's just that I haven't worn a breather helmet since the Collector attack," she admitted. The quarian reached over and placed her hand over Shepard's and squeezed, about the only place she would feel it. "Thank you for insisting on coming with me," Shepard said quietly.

Tali responded, "I believe the human saying is that's what friends are for?"

Shepard smiled back at her. "Yes, that is the human saying," she confirmed.

The shuttle landed with a slight bump, and both of them rose and looked out the window. It took a second for Shepard to realize that the piece of wreckage she was looking at was the front air stabilizing fin, the name of the ship, Normandy, embossed across it.

Movement out of the corner of her eye, Garrus had come up to stand on the other side of her, "You ready Shepard?" the turian asked. At her nod he reached out and keyed in the sequence to open the shuttle doors.

Cold, silent…those were Shepard's impressions as they stepped out onto the icy surface of the planet. She looked around; shattered pieces of the wrecked Normandy surrounded them. They stood there for a long moment, solemnly staring at the sight before them. Shepard wasn't sure if it had been mere seconds or even minutes before she remembered that they had a purpose for being her besides mourning the past. She cleared her throat, "Alright, we have a mission here. Chose a site for the monument and search for evidence of the fate of the remaining twenty unaccounted for crewmembers."

It took them some time to comb the wreckage site: time to remember and time to find pieces of the past among the destruction.

A pad lying upon the ice near the remains of the CIC, Navigator Pressley's personal Journal: Log 3 [Data Recovered] for a while now, and I'm taking a look back at past entries in this journal. I [Unrecoverable Data] how blind I was at the time. I came on this ship firmly believing humanity was on its own in the galaxy, [Corrupt] Shepard brought all these aliens onboard, and there's no way we could have accomplished what we did without them. I am proud to say [Corrupt] die for any member of this crew, regardless of what world they were born on.

After reading Presley's logs, Shepard handed the pad over to Tali. She had known that the navigator's attitude toward the non-humans in the crew had softened, but Shepard had never realized to what extent. It humbled her; in the end he had truly seen them as she had, as one crew irrespective of their species.

Shepard watched as the quarian read each, and then paused for a long moment at the last. Tali lowered her head and softly murmured "Keelah se'lai," before passing it onto Garrus who was observing them curiously waiting to see what had caught their attention.

"It changed all of us," was Garrus' comment as he handed the pad back to Shepard, and, as she stowed it away for safekeeping, she could only agree.

They found the original Normandy plaque, the one that had hung in the mess area, bearing the crest of the first Earth naval vessel to carry the name, the USS Normandy. A quick check with her omni-tool revealed that the data files within it, the history of the Normandy battle and its significance leading up to the eventual victory of the Allied forces over the Nazi lead Axis, as well as the listing of all the ships and men who fought in it, were surprisingly still intact.

Shepard let her armor covered fingers trace over the broken chevron, read the motto underneath. "Vanguard of Victory." She knew the chevron, broken and thrust through, denoted the assault landing and the breaking through of the Nazi's defenses during the battle of Normandy. Just as they had made the mako drop on Ilos and broken through Saren's rearguard to follow him through the conduit and then defeated him on the Citadel. Killing Saren's cybernetic body, which Sovereign had taken over, had somehow affected the sentient ship itself, causing its shields to drop and allowing the Normandy along with the other Alliance ships of the Fifth Fleet to destroy it.

Shepard had always found it more than a little eerie the similarities between the two battles, though they were separated by vast distances of both space and time. As if the hand of fate had reached down and chosen them because of the name their ship bore, as if the spirit of those allied forces on that beach that day had reached forward in time and charged them to carry their spirit onward, to unite and stand against an enemy that sought to destroy all they held dear. And they had. Human, asari, turian, krogan, and quarian, her crew had united stood as one and they had defeated Sovereign.

Cerberus, and its ultimate goal of human dominance bore enough of a similarity to the goals of those long ago Nazi's to send a chill through Shepard. The Nazi's had sought German domination of the Earth with the Nazi party ruling with an iron fist over it all. Cerberus sought the domination of humans over the entire galaxy, and undoubtedly the Illusive Man saw himself as the perfect choice for leading that human dominated government.

Not if she could help it, Shepard swore. No one would question this plaque going back up in the mess hall of the new Normandy, and perhaps this would stir some of the Cerberus crew to remember the highest values to which humanity aspired, and not the lowest. She looked around her at the wreckage of the SSV Normandy SR-1; there were a few files she needed to add to this plaque, a reminder of what this ship's crew had achieved and the true nature of the enemy they had defeated.

There were still more crewmembers to be accounted for so they widened their search, spreading out and looking for any signs of remains. Mostly what they had found so far had been bits of bones and dog tags, the metal of them meant to be nearly indestructible. She was searching along a ledge when she saw it, lying on the ground next to a bolder and the side of a cliff. A helmet, not particularly a frightening thing except for its colors, charcoal grey and navy blue, and the N7 she could see etched along the side.

Garrus followed her gaze, stepped in front of her preventing her from moving toward it. "I'll get it," he said, then turned around and went to pick it up before Shepard could protest. He picked it up, turned it over to look inside, after a several seconds examination of it he informed her, "There's some blood on the inside of the facemask and some damage to the exterior armor, but otherwise it appears to be intact."

 

**Normandy – after Alchera**

Shepard tossed the helmet at Miranda as soon as the door opened; the other woman reflexively reached up and caught it before it hit her in the chest. "You took off my helmet?" she said angrily, "What to make sure I was dead?" All Shepard could think of was the extensive reconstruction of her face, the nightmarish cybernetic glow that still haunted her memories even though any evidence of what lay beneath her skin was no longer visible. Her scars were finally fully healed, the skin of her face now smooth and unblemished.

For just a moment Miranda stared at her confused and angry, then she looked down at the helmet and her eyes widened as she realized exactly what she was holding. She looked back up at the Commander, "We didn't find your body Shepard; the Blue Sun's found you," she explained. "The Collectors made a very generous offer for your body, enough to have every mercenary group in the Terminus Systems searching for it. Cerberus managed acquired you before you could be handed over to them."

"The Collectors?" Shepard echoed, her anger now thoroughly derailed.

Miranda responded simply, "Yes."

Shepard drew in a breath, reached up and rubbed the back of her neck. She met the other woman's blue eyes letting her embarrassment show, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have thrown that at you, and I shouldn't have come in here and just jumped on you like that."

"It's alright," Miranda assured her, glancing down at the helmet, "I can certainly see how finding this down there would be…unsettling. Especially on top of everything else that's happened recently."

Shepard knew Miranda was referring to her memories, the other woman probably even knew about the recent discovery of what had happened to the cipher imprint. "Still I shouldn't have done that," she frowned disturbed now by her loss of temper.

"You didn't throw it that hard," Miranda dryly assured her, "Not nearly as hard as I know you can." Shepard stared at her for a second and then nodded, accepting the reassurance for what it was, she hadn't been that out of control. "Did you want to talk to Kelly?" Miranda offered hesitantly.

Shepard hid her immediate rejection of the idea, "Will she tell me anything other than to get enough sleep, eat right and exercise to manage my stress levels?"

Miranda fought to hide a smile, "I guess you're more than familiar with the speech?"

"You can say that, yea. Chakwas has already given it to me," Shepard commented with a smile, "I'll make more time to sleep and workout, and Rupert has the food covered. By the way, thanks for recruiting him," she added appreciatively.

The other woman laughed, "I wasn't responsible for that, but I'll pass on your thanks."

Hell, Shepard didn't care if it had been the Illusive Man himself, whoever it had been deserved the entire crew's heartfelt gratitude. "I should get going; I've got work of my own to do."

"Umm…did you want this back?" Miranda indicated the helmet in her hands.

Shepard stared at the helmet, her brow creased, "I don't know," she replied after a few seconds.

"I'll have Jacob clean and repair it, and hold onto it for you then," her XO responded.

"Thanks," Shepard replied before leaving.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By Kudara
> 
> Disclaimer: The Mass Effect universe is the property of Bioware/Electronic Arts. No infringement of these copyrights is intended as this is a not for profit fan fiction work.
> 
> Warning: none
> 
> Notes: This is inspired by the Beyonce song "Save the Hero," from the album I am…Sasha Fierce. This is an Alternate Universe story.
> 
> Rating: Teen
> 
> Feedback: Always welcome, feedback is what encourages me to keep writing. Please let me know what you like and what you dislike about the story.
> 
> Errors and Corrections: Yes, please let me know about any errors you see so that I can correct them. This is un-beta'ed so it probably has a few.
> 
> Revision History: 03/24/2010; 09/30/2010

**Illium**

After the asari concierge that had greeted them moved away, Shepard took a moment to move over to the railing and gaze out at the city of Nos Astra. It was beautiful, but she could hardly pay any attention to it. Liara was here and had paid for their docking fees, not that they couldn't afford it but still…still she couldn't read too much into it. She took a few deep breaths, sternly instructing herself to calm down and quit acting like a damn teenager. She was over ten years past that, an Alliance officer and a Council Spectre. She wasn't going to walk around this port so worked up and anxious that she couldn't even pay proper attention to her surroundings. Hell, landing on Horizon not knowing for sure if those armor mods would work against the seeker swarms hadn't made her nearly this nervous.

She looked around, Garrus and Tali were leaning on the railing several feet away, giving every impression of looking out over the city themselves. She was grateful they were giving her some space. She knew they were aware of how wound up she was over this meeting. Tali had even tried reassuring her that she was sure everything would be alright, that Liara wouldn't have forgotten what they had together so quickly. Shepard had asked the quarian how she had known, "You were always discrete," Tali had replied, "but the entire ship was aware that you were together. You looked happier whenever she was around you." Well she had suspected as much, she just hadn't been aware of how much it showed.

Shepard pushed herself away from the railing, feeling calmer, "Let's go." Garrus and Tali fell into step behind her, they passed through the docking terminal and out onto the trading floor. So many people, so busy, Shepard stared in bemusement at the assorted species hurrying about on their business around her. She was surprised that Liara chose to live here, the asari she remembered preferred more quiet surroundings. Of course being an information broker probably meant that Liara had to live in a place like this, and there was no reason the asari couldn't create an oasis of calm for herself amid all this bustling activity.

"Excuse me," a soft spoken, lavender hued asari woman stepped forward and spoke as they passed by her, "Commander Shepard?" Shepard stopped, and looked at the asari curiously. She was certain she didn't recognize her from anywhere. "You're Commander Shepard," now the asari sounded more certain, "I saw your…I guess you would say your aura." Shepard frowned, her aura? "I'd recognize you anywhere."

Shepard had absolutely no idea how to react to that statement, she stared at the asari searchingly, taking in the hue of her skin and tan facial markings. No, she still didn't seem familiar at all. The asari was looking around cautiously, obviously searching to see if anyone was watching them, seemingly satisfied she moved closer. That was unusual, asari preferred people they didn't know to stay a certain distance away from them, as Shepard understood it came from them being telepathically sensitive. Shepard sensed Garrus and Tali moving up from behind but motioned for them to stay back, as odd as the asari was acting she didn't seem dangerous. If anything she seemed oddly friendly, as if she already knew Shepard.

"I was sent here to give you a message," the strange asari continued, apparently satisfied that no one could overhear them. "It's from a friend you made on Noveria."

Shepard's eyes widened as her thoughts went immediately to one possible 'friend' the asari could be referring to, surely not though, how would the rachni Queen have possibly met this asari? She had met several people on Noveria it was more likely this asari knew one of them, the only reason she had thought of the Queen was because of the dream she had a few days ago. "I met a lot of people on Noveria," Shepard replied carefully, "could you be more specific?"

"I believe the message itself should make it clear," the asari said, she took a few steps closer, bringing her well within Shepard's personal space. The asari's eyes rolled upward showing only white and then, "Shepard, we hide, we burrow, we build," the asari spoke, her voice pitched so that only Shepard could hear. Shepard could indeed tell from who the message was from now; her first thought had been right, it was the rachni Queen. "But we know that you seek those that soured the songs of our mothers. When the time comes, our voice will join with yours once again, and our crescendo will burn the darkness clean. Thank you Shepard," the asari's voice softened and held an unmistakable tone of fondness that made Shepard recall the moment right before she and the Queen's mental connection had broken, the mental embrace they had shared after their joined song. "The rachni will sing again because of you."

"I'm glad to hear that you're rebuilding," Shepard responded, her thoughts racing, "are you somewhere nearby?" Could this be the opportunity she had been looking for? She needed an ally Cerberus wasn't expecting and hopefully wasn't even aware existed, and she knew from the news that the Queen had scout ships out exploring. If the rachni could help her, even if were only watching for Cerberus ships and traffic, that would be something more than she had now.

Her eyes returning to normal, the asari stepped back from her, "The rachni Queen is not here," she responded. Damn it, of course the queen wasn't realized Shepard, the telepathic connection required physical closeness to complete. She was really not at her best today. "That message is one of many memories I carry from her," the asari continued. "I encountered her on an uncharted world, she saved my life. More than that, she gave me a purpose." The asari's grey eyes met her own light grey ones, "They are an amazing people Shepard," she commented, "The galaxy owes you a great debt for giving them a second chance."

Shepard scowled, waved it away, "I know what most people believe, but the war wasn't their idea." She avoided saying the word rachni, anyone passing by would pay too much attention to it if they overheard. "They were brainwashed and forced to fight against us. That was what she was talking about when she said the songs of her mothers had been soured." She decided to not go into any explanation about the Reapers; it would just complicate things right now. "Please don't thank me for simply doing the right thing and not committing murder and genocide."

The asari smiled at her, "You are exactly as the Queen described, Shepard. I can see why she thinks so highly of you."

Shepard rubbed the back of her neck, trying not to blush in embarrassment at the praise or reveal exactly how touched she was by it. When she looked back the asari's smile was actually wider and warmer. "So how exactly did you find her?" Shepard asked. It was something she wanted to know, and it also had the side benefit of thoroughly changing the subject.

"I was working as a courier, pirates ambushed my ship, and I was forced down on an uncharted planet. I was badly injured, alone and near death…" the asari paused and looked away. Shepard looked away as well, giving the asari a moment of privacy; she suspected she knew only too well the thoughts running through the asari's mind right now. Staring death in the face was not an easy thing to remember. "Then they found me," Shepard returned her attention to the asari, "They saved me." The thankfulness in the asari's tone was plain.

Shepard felt a pang of wistfulness rise. She determinedly pushed aside; the past could not be changed. "I'm glad they found you in time," Shepard paused a moment to clear her throat. "You obviously got off world again," she commented more briskly, "did they give you a ship?"

"No, countless workers repaired my ship; it runs better now than it did before," the asari replied with a brief smile. "They remind me of the keepers on the Citadel in a way, all working together each with a purpose." Shepard reminded herself that the asari had no idea what the keepers actually were, it was an innocent statement and meant as a compliment, with none of the sinister overtones that had immediately come to her mind considering the past connection between the rachni and Reapers.

"What happened to the pirates that attacked you?" Shepard inquired.

"They were obliterated, as they should have been. The rachni are not aggressive, but they do as they must," Shepard almost smiled at hearing the suddenly protective tone. She didn't need the asari to tell her that, but it was good to know that the asari felt that way.

Shepard cleared her throat, "Just for cautions sake let's not actually use that word. Its guaranteed to catch attention if someone happens to hear it."

The asari dipped her head in assent, her eyes darting around to the people passing nearby, "You are right, Shepard. I will be more careful."

Goddess, this asari had no idea how to be inconspicuous; there was no better way to draw attention than to act furtively. "You said she gave you a purpose, what do you mean?" The asari didn't act so suspiciously when she was actually talking, and this was something Shepard was honestly curious about.

"She shared her song with me as I recovered. I saw her race as only an asari could," Shepard had to raise her brow at that, she had thought she and the queen had seen each other pretty clearly when their minds had met. Though perhaps this asari, being more naturally inclined towards sharing minds since she was...well, asari...had melded more deeply with the queen. "They are so beautiful, and so vulnerable." Shepard frowned, vulnerable? Were the rachni so weak still that they couldn't defend themselves? The asari continued, "They needed someone to purchase things they cannot make for themselves, someone to work within the system. An agent if you will." The asari's lips curved in a soft smile, "I am happy to help, my life as a courier was empty and shallow." She raised her eyes briefly upward, "Now I'm helping a great race rebuild itself."

Ok now, that was just weird. "You were really comfortable walking away from your old life?" Shepard questioned, uneasy with the way this was starting to appear to her, what exactly had the Queen done to this asari?

The asari gave her a keen eyed look, "You're concerned that the Queen is controlling me," the asari shook her head. "I understand, but it doesn't work like that. Our minds were in perfect harmony, I saw their beautiful spirit and their need. I knew what I had to do, if some part of that is suggestion then it was a side effect of their efforts to save my life." The asari looked Shepard in the eye, "I am happy," she stated firmly.

Shepard stared at her considering, remembering the Queen's song. It had been beautiful, peaceful and soothing. How would she have reacted if instead of dying she had suddenly been pulled into a rachni ship and sang to by the Queen while she healed from her injuries? A damn sight better than the pain and confusion of the first time, and then the gunfire and explosions of the second, that was for sure. Maybe the asari's reaction wasn't that difficult to understand after all. She nodded, "Alright. Can you tell me where they are?" she had no idea how she might get there without Cerberus knowing, but surely she could figure out a way.

"I'm afraid not," the asari actually backed a step away from her while shaking her head, "I don't even have that information myself any longer." The lavender hued asari moved closer once again. "After I met her that information was…" she rubbed her forehead, "removed. It's not painful, but I simply don't remember." Obviously this asari's mental connection with the Queen had been on a much deeper level than the one she and the Queen had shared, Shepard decided. "I'll remember when I need to, and her caution is understandable. The galaxy isn't yet ready for their return."

Shepard nodded, she did understand, "I know you said you don't know where they are, but can you get a message to her? If it doesn't jeopardize her safety or the safety of her children, and I'm serious about that, I don't want her to risk herself," Shepard said firmly. "But if she can, I could use her help a little sooner than the final battle."

Something of her need must have gotten through to the asari, because she gave Shepard a concerned look, "I can, though I'm not sure when I would be able to give it to her."

"I understand," Shepard frowned, wondering how they could do this, if it took awhile for the Queen to respond they might already be gone. It wouldn't be too suspicious though if they stopped back by here for shore leave and to pick up supplies. She was hoping that Liara would come with her, but maybe she would know someone trustworthy that they could leave discrete messages with for each other to pick up when they were in port.

"Your message, Shepard?" the asari asked.

Shepard shook her head, "Not here. I need time to explain the situation I'm in and a busy marketplace is not a good place for that. What about your ship?"

"My ship, the Ilara Waverunner, is docked at the Nos Astra commercial spaceport. I will be here for at least two more days picking up supplies," the asari responded.

Miranda's sister was being moved tonight, so she couldn't do it today. "I'll figure out a way to get there, look for me tomorrow, hopefully in the morning."

The asari nodded, "I will wait for you there Commander Shepard, be well," she bowed slightly to Shepard and then started walking away.

"Umm wait," Shepard said, causing the asari to pause and look back, "What is your name?"

The asari smiled, "Rayna Vallan," and then continued on her way.

"Shepard?" Garrus questioned after Rayna had left, "what was that about." He and Tali had been too far away to overhear the low voiced conversation.

"Help maybe," Shepard responded, "from someone we rescued when we were on Noveria."

There was the sound of a sharply indrawn breath from Tali. The quarian took a step closer, whispered, "Her? The one you freed?"

"Yes, her," Shepard confirmed quietly, "Rayna had a message for me from her. I need to figure out a way to sneak off to the commercial spaceport tomorrow morning and meet with her. I need to send a message to the Queen. See if she can help us, even if it's just their scout ships keeping an ear and eye out for Cerberus traffic that would be more than we have now."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Garrus questioned and Shepard remembered that he had never been comfortable with her decision to let the Queen go, even though he agreed that preemptively killing her when she had harmed no one would have also been wrong. He thought she should have asked the Council what to do instead of making the decision herself based on the telepathic connection she had shared with the Queen.

"Yes I am." she replied firmly, "That asari came into contact with them when her ship was attacked by pirates who forced her ship down. They killed the pirates, saved her life and then repaired her ship. She's helping them by trading their goods for things they can't make."

His mandibles flared in surprise, "As territorial as they are supposed to be, I would have thought they would have attacked her as well, or just left her to die," he admitted. "I guess you were right about her, and that they only attacked us because they were indoctrinated."

Shepard nodded, "The message Rayna had for me verified it. The Queen said we were hunting the ones who soured her mother's songs, and she promised that she would aid me when the time came to fight them."

"Considering how fast they can breed that might be quite a substantial force," Garrus commented respectfully, "It depends on how fast they can build ships. You really think they might find out something useful about Cerberus though?"

"Honestly I don't know, but there is one major reason I'm hoping she will agree." Garrus gave her a curious look. "Unless Udina went against the Councils decree and told the Alliance brass, or Cerberus has the right connections inside of Binary Helix, the Illusive Man should have no way of knowing that I had anything to do with her getting free," Shepard said. Very few people knew she had freed the rachni Queen. Garrus had only known because Tali had mentioned something in passing to him and then belatedly realized that she wasn't supposed to be talking about it, and the former C-Sec officer had stayed after her until he got it out of her. That had resulted in Shepard ordering both of them into her office and giving them a blistering lecture on exactly what classified and do not discuss with anyone who wasn't there meant. It had been one of the only times she had spoken harshly with Garrus and the only time she had spoken harshly to Tali.

No one but Garrus, Tali and Liara knew that she had telepathically spoken to the queen. She had left the Council with the impression that she had just spoken through the asari commando. The turian Councilor was already having enough fun with the nightmarish visions the Prothean beacon had given her. She hadn't wanted to give any of the Councilors or Udina more ammunition with which to criticize her decision. She had been certain they were going to have problems with her making it anyway, no need to add the fact she had decided to telepathically communicate with a species they thought they had wiped out two millennia ago.

Garrus eyes widened, and he looked thoughtful, "Your right, you told me the Council classified that, forbid anyone to talk about it."

"And I didn't report it to the Alliance," Shepard confirmed. "If Udina kept his mouth shut as well, then he should have no way of knowing about them."

She could see him turning that over in his mind, "Hmm, so he would have no reason to even suspect you if rachni ships were reported showing an interest in Cerberus activities. And…as I remember, they were very good at tunneling into places without anyone noticing they were there until too late, and those were the insane ones."

Garrus was right, though the situations he was talking about had all been ones where the insane rachni were attacking them, "I hadn't really thought about that, but you're right they would make very good infiltration units."

Tali looked back and forth between them, "Are we talking about taking out Cerberus units now?" she whispered, "And not just taking over the Normandy once we destroy the Collectors and going back to the Council?"

"The Illusive Man won't just let us go, remember what he did to Admiral Kahoku?" Garrus replied.

Shepard stared at him, he was right. It was something that she had been avoiding thinking about since up until now she hadn't had any idea what to do about it beyond hoping they could remove EDI's blocks and get the information that way. "I remember finding Kahoku's body; they tortured him before killing him. Once we take over the ship, we will have to take out Cerberus just to make sure we don't have to watch over our shoulders for the rest of our lives. It would be a good idea to know exactly where they are before then. Otherwise I suspect EDI has that information in her databanks, when I asked about it she told me it was blocked. I don't want the Queen to risk herself over this if it means their discovery. We'll need her help later against the Reapers more than we need them now against Cerberus."

Garrus looked as if he would like to dispute that, but he nodded, "I'd like to point out that surviving this and hopefully bring back evidence the Council will believe, are just as important. But I agree, if they're in no position to help yet then its better they remain safely hidden for now."

"And the Queen doesn't even know about it yet, so there's no use in trying to deciding anything now," Tali pointed out.

Shepard nodded, "Exactly, so let's not get caught up in making plans until we know whether or not she's willing to help us." Her eyes wandered to the large windowed office overlooking the trading floor; could that be Liara's office? It certainly fit the concierge's description. Shepard was starting to feel anxious again, but for an entirely different reason.

Tali followed her gaze, "Let's discuss this later; Liara is probably waiting on us."

Garrus, realizing where the two of them were looking, said embarrassedly, "Of course Shepard, sorry."

"It's ok," she responded absently, already turning in that direction. They continued up the trading floor heading for the large sign that read administration, according to the concierge Liara's office was located there overlooking the trade floor.

"Holy Crap, Shepard?" a dark haired woman seated at a nearby table exclaimed as they walked by, "I thought you were dead." Shepard recognized the voice and woman immediately, Gianna Parasini, how bizarre. Had she stumbled into some 'we all met on Noveria' reunion no one had told her about, Shepard wondered as they stopped at the table. "The news said you were dead," Gianna stared at her, "What happened?" Before Shepard could even think about how to reply to the question, the woman held up a hand, "No, wait, probably classified. Forget I asked. You'd just have to lie." Shepard had to grin at that, it certainly saved her from having to figuring out something. "It's been a couple of years; I'm Gianna Parasini, Noveria Internal Affairs. You helped me nail Administrator Anolaeus."

"I remember," Shepard replied. Watching Gianna literally drag off that arrogant, officious salarian had been one of the few bright spots of that mission, "What happened to him anyway?"

"He made the one mistake Noveria won't tolerate; he got caught taking their money. He's doing a few years in white collar prison, more importantly he won't work in the field again." Gianna sounded quite smug about it.

"Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy," Shepard smirked.

"Ha," Gianna laughed, "Hey, sit down. As I remember, I owe you a beer."

Shepard really didn't want to be delayed any more than she already had, "Could I get a raincheck on that? I'm supposed to meet someone and I'm late already." It wasn't exactly a lie, as Tali said, Liara probably knew they had docked and were on their way to her office and was wondering why they were taking so long.

"Sure," Gianna agreed easily, "I'll probably be here for another hour or so. Catch me when you come back this way if I'm still here."

Shepard nodded to her, "Thanks." Her gaze and attention were already moving past the woman to the stairs just past where Gianna was sitting. The sign above them read administration in glowing blue lettering. She took the stairs at a swift pace, arriving at the top in enough of a rush that the asari sitting at the desk there stood up and eyed her, Garrus and Tali warily.

Then her eyes widened in recognition, "Commander Shepard," she smiled, "Liara will be pleased to see you."

There was only one door, "Here?"

Liara had her back to the door, facing the image of some male human on the screen, "Have you faced an asari commando unit before?" Shepard jerked to a stop just a few steps inside the door, it was almost like one of her flashbacks, but the voice wasn't quite right. "Few humans have." Shepard heard the door shut behind her, "I'll make it simple, either you pay me or I flay you alive…with my mind," Liara threatened, her voice becoming more like her own, but still hard and very serious sounding. Amanda's thoughts almost seemed mired in quicksand, trying to reconcile the memory of the shy archeologist she remembered with the asari who was just now cutting the connection and turning around to face her.

"Shepard!" Now Liara sounded more like the asari archeologist Amanda remembered, including the embarrassment. Had that just been an act she put on for whoever had been on the other end? "Nyxeris hold my calls," Liara said to the asari who had been at the desk outside as she closed the distance between them. Shepard had been so stunned at what she was hearing that she hadn't even realized the purple hued asari had followed her into the office.

Liara reached forward, took Shepard's hands in hers. She silently murmured something, but Amanda couldn't tell what she said. As their lips met, everything else but the fact that finally, finally, they were together ceased to matter to Amanda. Liara's lips on hers were just as soft as they had ever been and the familiar scent of her asari lover filled her senses. She reached up, mindful that she was wearing armored gloves, and gently stroked along Liara's crest. But then Liara pulled away, breaking their kiss and tugging her hand from Shepard's. Amanda stilled, confused. Liara shook her head and then pointedly turned her head to the side. The feeling that filled Amanda then was as if an ice cold bucket of water had been poured over her. No, no, no, this couldn't be happening, not after that kiss, not after it having been as if it was all going to be alright.

Amanda dropped her hands to her sides, uncertainty and despair filling her, what had just happened? Liara moved away, leaving Shepard staring sightlessly out the window that overlooked the trading floor, trying to do anything other than show how distressed she was at this moment. She clenched her hands, reminded herself of her vow not to make a scene if everything went wrong, and it was looking like things were wrong.

"My sources said you were alive," Shepard turned to look at the asari; Liara was standing behind her desk now. Amanda forced herself to move, to act like something approaching normal. "But I never believed…" Liara stared at her, "It's very good to see you." Her voice was warm and sincere, and it confused the hell out of Shepard. What was going on here?

Shepard's gaze took in the office, the dress Liara was wearing, then went over to the communications screen, the one the asari had been using when she came in, "Liara what…"

The asari's eyes followed her gaze, "Oh that…" she sounded slightly embarrassed, "That was just a customer unhappy with the information he received. He'll pay," her voice turned harder, "they always do." Liara turned walked toward the window, "Ever since I helped you stop Saren, people have wanted to be my friend," Amanda winced; she could guess what that actually meant. Liara briefly glanced back at her, "Or not be my enemy. I've set up a respectable business as an information broker. It's paid the bills since you…" her voice trailed off and she turned with a shrug of her shoulders, "well…for the last two years."

Liara sat down in her chair, well that was an easy and comprehensible enough thing to do. Amanda sat down as well, relieved to be doing something that made sense. "And now you're back," Liara continued, "Gunning for the Collectors with Cerberus."

Shepard froze, how much did Liara know? Was that what had just happened? Had Liara pulled away from her because she was working with Cerberus? "I wouldn't if the Council and Alliance had given me another choice Liara. They've already abducted over a million colonists, they have to be stopped."

"I know," Liara broke in before she could say anything more, "I wish you didn't have to work with them, but I understand why you are. You are right; the Collectors must be stopped even if you have to work with Cerberus to stop them. Whatever they want with so many humans, it can't be anything good." Her words were both a relief…and not a relief. They meant that Liara hadn't pulled away from her because she was working with Cerberus. "I understand your building a team." Liara continued, "If you need information on finding people, I'm happy to help."

Shepard stared at her, drew in a breath, she had to ask even though she felt certain she knew what the answer would be. "What about you, Liara? I could use your help on this mission."

"I can't Shepard," Amanda, she hadn't called her Amanda, Shepard realized with a sinking heart, "I'm sorry, I have commitments here, things I need to take care of," Liara explained. Her tone was firm but also carried a pleading undertone, as if asking for Shepard to understand that whatever it was, it was very important to her.

Shepard frowned, "What kind of things do you need to take care of? Are you in trouble?"

"No," Liara rose, "no trouble," she went to the window again, "but it's been a long two years. I had things to do while you were gone," she bowed her head, "I have debts to repay." Her head rose, she turned back to face Shepard. "Listen, if you want to help, I need someone with hacking expertise, someone I can trust." She sat back down as Shepard stared at her, feeling more and more confused, "If you could disable security at key points around Nos Astra, you could get me information I need. That would help me a great deal." she sounded quite sincere.

"What's this all about Liara? Can't you just talk to me?" frustration finally made Shepard say, she had no idea what was going on here and Liara just kept talking around things instead of explaining them. What things, what debts, what information? She had thought they had been close…but as Liara had just said, for her it had been a long two years. Perhaps what she had feared had come to pass and that closeness was no more.

"Don't you think I don't want to Shepard," Liara objected, "This isn't because I don't trust you, this is Illium. Anything I say is probably being recorded."

That certainly cast a new light on everything; it wasn't like she didn't know the feeling after all. Sometimes on the Normandy she felt like an exhibit on display, wondering if there was a hidden camera recording everything she did to send to the Illusive Man. Still though, Amanda didn't think she was imagining the distance between them that she felt now. "If it will help you I'll take care of it," she just wanted to get out of here now, and think about this somewhere else.

"When you hack one, a server will open somewhere nearby for a short time," Liara explained, "You can download data from there if you hurry. Thank you Shepard, this may help me repay a great debt."

"Shepard?" Garrus questioned as she exited the office, Shepard just motioned for them to follow her as she headed down the steps.

"Keelah," she heard Tali hiss, undoubtedly realizing that her reaction meant that things hadn't gone as well as hoped.

She stopped at the bottom of the stairs, waited for them, "Liara asked us to do some data gathering for her. She thinks she's being monitored, so we didn't really have a good opportunity to talk. I don't know, maybe this will help her, she sounded like she expected the information to be important." She glanced over at the table where Gianna Parasini was still sitting, "As soon as we have a beer with Ms. Parasini, we'll start."

"I'll pass," Tali said, "I'll go ahead and start looking for terminals we can get into in this area."

Garrus looked over at the Noveria agent and then back at her, "I'll join her; you sit down and have a beer Shepard. We have this covered."

"Thanks you two, this shouldn't take long," it wasn't like she could get drunk anymore anyway. Sharing a bottle of Serrice Ice Brandy with Dr. Chakwas had proven that. The doctor had passed out and she had finished off the last cup by herself and walked out of the Medical Bay on her own power. Ten minutes later she had been completely sober.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The Mass Effect universe is the property of Bioware/Electronic Arts. No infringement of these copyrights is intended as this is a not for profit fan fiction work.
> 
> Warning: none
> 
> Notes: This is inspired by the Beyonce song "Save the Hero," from the album I am…Sasha Fierce. This is an Alternate Universe story.
> 
> Rating: Teen
> 
> Feedback: Always welcome, feedback is what encourages me to keep writing. Please let me know what you like and what you dislike about the story.
> 
> Errors and Corrections: Yes, please let me know about any errors you see so that I can correct them. This is un-beta'ed so it probably has a few.
> 
> Revision History: 03/27/2010; 04/12/2011

**Illium – meeting with Shiala**

Shiala’s presence had been a surprise, as had her green appearance. Some of the Feros colonists had developed health problems as a result of the Thorian’s control, headaches and muscle spasms similar to what they experienced while under the Thorian’s control and shared sensations with other Thorian victims. Shiala’s had been her pigment change, unstable biotics and vivid dreams about her time with the Thorian. The asari suspected it might be due to trace amounts of spores still present within their bodies.

The colony contracted with a company, Baria Frontiers, to do some medical scans and deliver treatment for next to nothing, but now the company wanted to do follow up invasive procedures, a requirement that had hidden in the fine print of the contract. If the colonists refused, then they would be liable for the full price of the medical scans, something they could not afford. Shiala was on Illium trying to get them to amend the contract, but so far had no success.

The longer she spoke to the Baria Frontiers representative trying to work out why the asari seemed to hate other species so much, the more the woman’s features reminded her of someone else. Who she reminded Shepard of though remained frustratingly out of reach. “So you’d be this harsh in your contract terms if these were asari colonists?” Shepard asked, she wasn’t sure about contract law here, but on Earth entering into a contract in bad faith was a valid reason for the other party to sue for it to be voided.

“If they were asari then they would be dealing with problems unleashed by another race,” in her voice Shepard heard so much pain mixed in with the anger, “asari like my bondmate, who died when the geth rebelled against the quarians.” Tears welled in the asari’s eyes, “Or my daughters, who died during the geth attack on the Citadel. One worked in the embassy the other was a greeter for the Consort.”

Now Shepard knew who this asari reminded her of, “Your Neylna’s mother. You…” Shepard shook her head, “I mean she looked a lot like you. And the embassy….” Shepard’s light grey eyes widened in surprise, “Your Saphyria’s mother? Neither of them ever mentioned having a sister working on the Citadel.”

Shocked, the asari stared at her, “You knew my daughters?”

“Yes, I spoke with Saphyria most of the times I visited the Citadel. As busy as she was at the embassy switchboard, she always had time to greet me with a smile and ask how I was doing. Neylna was kind enough to fit me in for massages most of the times we were docked for more than a few hours. They were wonderful people, kind and generous; I grieved when I learned they were among those killed.” She had grieved at their loss, and been angry at herself for not having arrived sooner, for not having been closer behind Saren and his geth. Neylna had always been so kind to her, fussing over her bruised body almost like a mother hen with a chick before pulling out heat packs and the medicinal massage cream she had gotten specifically for Shepard’s massages after it became clear that the Spectre was going to be one of her regular clients.

“They were,” tears welled again, “They both loved talking with people, exploring new cultures. I think they got it from my bondmate.”

“I knew Neylna better than Saphyria,” Shepard said gently, “but I can’t think that either one of them would have wanted you to react to their loss like this.” She knew for a fact that Neylna would be appalled by what her mother was doing.

“Oh,” the pained sound the woman made then made it only too clear that her words had struck home, “I’m not a…” she stumbled backward, “I didn’t...” The raw anguish on the asari’s face washed away the anger Shepard had been feeling toward her for what she was trying to do to the colonists. She watched as the asari was stopped by the barrier behind her, and then slid down to kneel upon knees and weep. This was Neylna and Saphyria’s mother.

Shepard crossed the distance between them, knelt in front of her. The asari looked at her uncertainly, tear tracks marking her cheeks, “I lost both my parents to a batarian slavers raid when I was sixteen,” Amanda said softly, “I know only too well that words of comfort can simply sound like empty noise in the face of your pain. Only my grandmother was able to find the words to offer me comfort.”

She could see the hesitant question in the asari’s dark eyes, “They are with the Goddess now, and she cherishes and loves them no less than you,” Amanda said softly to the asari. Her voice was rich with remembered emotion as she recalled those dark days when it seemed that nothing would ever be right again…until her grandmother had come into her life. She looked upon Neylna and Saphyria’s mother with eyes full of compassion and understanding, “Though you may feel alone in your grief, never doubt that she is with you always. That she knows your heart, your pain and your loss, and that she grieves with you.”

The asari gave a choked cry and then Amanda’s arms were full of a grieving mother. She simply held her, saying nothing more, just as her grandmother had held her so many times offering nothing more than her sheltering arms from the world, her strength for the woman to lean upon, and her own true faith in her words and in the Goddess.

Within the quiet recesses of her mind, the Gaelic words of the song her mother had often soothed her to into sleep with, ‘Bi thusa mo shuile’, echoed softly. Most parents probably didn’t sing ancient Irish hymns to their children as a lullaby, but Amanda had simply loved the sound of the Gaelic words and tune as a young child and insisted that her mother sing it to her often. She hadn’t cared for the longest time that the song was actually a hymn, and when she had grown old enough to understand what the words meant she had loved it more for its meaning. Right now she was silently singing it to calm herself and channel her emotions toward serenity; the distraught asari in Amanda’s arms didn’t need her remembered grief on top of the asari’s own.

Shepard paid little attention to the passing time, thus she couldn’t say exactly when the asari in her arms stopped crying and drew away. “Thank you,” the asari said, her voice hoarse. Shepard nodded; she rose and then offered her hand to the asari and pulled her to her feet. “I don’t even know your name.”

“Amanda Shepard,” she replied.

“Erinya T’Nara. I’m sending an amended contract, no more tests, no more fees,” the asari said quietly, her eyes dropping in shame, “You’re right my daughters would be…horrified by my actions.”

“I’m sure they would understand your pain and forgive you,” Shepard offered gently.

Erinya’s head rose, their eyes met and the purple hued asari stared at her searchingly for several seconds. Then the matron did something that Amanda had no idea how to properly respond to, Erinya bowed to her. “I hope that you are right,” the asari responded softly as she turned to leave.

Still confused by Erinya’s final action, Shepard watched the asari depart before turning to leave herself. Garrus and Tali were all the way over by the stairs that led up to this area, and two asari matrons over by the other wall were staring at her curiously and whispering to one another. Amanda gave the two matrons a stern, disapproving look, one that had them staring at her in startled surprise before they hurried away. She walked over to her friends, and noticed that Shiala was standing some distance behind them evidently waiting for her. “Garrus, Tali can one of you look at that kiosk and see if we are missing any of the star charts they offer?” She had noticed the kiosk earlier and knew that one of the things Baria Frontiers specialized in was star charts.

“Certainly Shepard,” Garrus replied first and head over toward the kiosk while Tali fell in behind her.

“I don’t know how you did it, but I just got the revised contracts,” Shiala said as she came up to the asari. “Thank you, Shepard. You’ve saved Zhu’s Hope again. I don’t think I could have…” Shiala bowed her head in despair. “Is it always like this?” the asari asked Shepard, “Yesterday’s problems lingering on in some new form. Isn’t anything ever just fixed?”

Shepard understood what Shiala was feeling. She had certainly felt the occasional bout of despair when thinking about the untold numbers of Reapers seeking a way into their galaxy from dark space. Yet one didn’t roll over and just accept it, not when there was any chance of winning. “You’ve got the power to make a difference Shiala, not everyone does,” she said encouragingly, as she would to one of her own people who were wavering in their courage.

“You're right; you gave us a chance by saving the colony. I can’t let them down. I won’t,” by the end Shiala’s voice had firmed with determination. She came closer, “Thank you for what you’ve done here Shepard. I’ll keep doing what I can.” Shepard nodded in response. The green hued asari drew in a breath, looked a little uncertain, “Maybe some time when I’m not organizing the colony, and you’re not…doing whatever you do,” her voice trailed off, the asari reached out and touched Shepard’s arm for a moment before letting her hand fall back to her side with a tentative smile.

Shepard was caught completely by surprise, she hadn't expected this. “Shiala…” she paused and turned to the quarian who had come up behind her a minute or so ago. This wasn’t a discussion anyone else needed to overhear. “Tali could you give us a moment please.” The quarian nodded and then wandered off in Garrus’ direction. Shepard turned back to Shiala. Seeing the asari’s wary expression, Amanda guessed Shiala knew this wasn’t going to be the response she was hoping for. “Shiala, in the next twenty-four hours I’m either going to still be in a relationship with the woman I love or doing my best to gracefully accept the ending of it because she’s moved on in the two years I’ve been gone,” she struggled to hold her voice steady while saying the last words, trying to ignore the sharp pain that rose in her at the very thought.

“Oh…” Shiala’s eyes widened in dismay, and then her expression softened as she looked at the human, saw the pain Shepard couldn’t quite hide, “I’m sorry Shepard.”

Shepard drew in a calming breath, “It’s not as if you could have known.”

Shiala nodded, after a moment she said quietly, “I hope she realizes what she has in you Shepard.”

Shepard closed her eyes for a moment, then opened then and nodded, “Thank you, I hope she does as well.”

“Well,” Shiala looked over towards the transportation center, obviously ready to escape from what had turned into an awkward situation between them, “I should get going. I need to inform the colonists that the contract has been amended and the company isn't going to insist on any more tests or charge us for those they have already done.”

Shepard cleared her throat, given what had just happened, needing to ask this was somewhat uncomfortable, “Before you go can I ask you some questions about the Cipher? Specifically the Prothean memories you gave me?”

Shiala frowned, concerned, “Are you having problems with the Cipher? I remember you didn't look well after I transferred it to your mind.”

“Ahh...” Shepard wasn't entirely certain how to explain this, “Not exactly... It's more like the memories... I get caught up in them, forget that I'm not that person until I snap out of it.”

Shiala's green eyes widened in surprise and dismay, “I don't understand,” the asari said, bewildered, “the Cipher shouldn't have...”

“It didn't,” Shepard interrupted her, and Shiala frowned, confused, “The Cipher wasn't originally like this.” Shepard sighed, seeing that she was going to have to explain a little bit of what had happened to her, “Shiala, I've been in on an operating table or in a medical facility for most of the past two years, I was badly injured in the attack that destroyed the Normandy. I was so badly injured that they had to do some experimental procedures on me to keep my memories from deteriorating while they worked. What I described to you appears to be a side effect of that.”

“You...” Shiala stared at her shocked; it took her a few seconds before she gathered herself enough to continue, “I assumed you had been working for the Council...” Shepard shook her head. The asari stared at her for a moment longer, her expression shifting from confused to concerned, “I'm glad that you survived and are well again Shepard.”

Shepard just nodded, she still wasn’t sure how she felt about coming back, but that would certainly lead to a rather long discussion that she just didn’t want to get into. “So, about the Cipher,” she said, wanting to get the conversation back on track, “The one Prothean whose memories I tapped into...I can remember his memories now without getting trapped in them anymore. The memories still feel strange because their Prothean and not human, but I know that I'm not that person. Dr. Chakwas thinks it’s because my brain maps out new pathways to the memories when I first consciously access them and from there on out my mind uses those pathways to access them, making them more like my own memories. The problem is, I've only remembered that one person’s memories, a biotics teacher, Suiadan Ildroun. I haven't made another attempt to explore the Cipher memories since then and I was hoping you knew how many different Prothean memories there are.”

To Shepard’s dismay her description of her problem resulted in the green complexioned asari staring at her with an expression of bewilderment instead of an answer. After a few seconds, Shiala said in a confused tone, "Your experience of the Cipher seems to be very different from mine, Shepard. Most of what I remember is simply flashes of imagery, thoughts and words instead of coherent memories. Perhaps it is because of your contact with the Prothean beacon,” Shiala offered an explanation and then frowned and added, “or maybe it is simply a difference between asari and human.” The asari shook her head, “As for your question, I’m not certain how many Prothean memories make up the Cipher Shepard, thousands I suspect.” The asari took in the human’s disappointed expression, “I am sorry I do not have a better answer for you,” she said looking troubled. “Unfortunately the details of the Cipher have faded from my mind; it is not as clear in my memory as it was when I transferred it to you two years ago.”

Shepard’s shoulders slumped, “So, no idea then,” she said resignedly.

Shiala stared at her, concern evident, “I have not had much reason or..." the green hued asari fell silent and her gaze dropped to the side for a moment before she admitted, "Or desire to remember my time with the Thorian. Give me a moment Shepard.” The asari fell silent, a thoughtful frown creasing her brow as she stared at nothing in particular her attention more on her memories than her surroundings. After a few minutes Shiala shook her head, a frustrated expression on her face. The asari sighed as she met Amanda’s gaze, “I do not think there would be many extensive memories such as what you are describing, perhaps ten or fifteen?” she offered hesitantly.

As tentative as Shiala’s answer was, at least it was something for Shepard to go on. Ten or fifteen certainly less than she had feared, but still more than she wanted to try and deal with as she had in the medical bay, just hoping to stumble across a new one and then hoping that personality wasn't violent. “Do you think that if an asari found them during a meld it would be the same as me remembering them, only with less chance of them taking over my consciousness?”

Shiala's eyes narrowed and she frowned in thought, “I'm not sure,” she finally answered, “It seems like it should if your Dr. Chakwas is correct.”

Knowing of Shiala's attraction she wished she didn't have to ask this, but she knew Shiala and she trusted her enough to meld with her again, “Could you do it?”

Shiala bowed her head, “If this were a normal meld yes I could, but I remember your mind,” she said sounding embarrassed. “It is difficult to meld with you, and this will not be a normal meld, I would be searching for memories that you do not have access to yourself. With my unstable biotics,” she looked up, met Shepard’s gaze, “I would be concerned about hurting you or myself.”

“That’s alright,” Shepard reached out touched her arm lightly in reassurance, “I wouldn’t want to risk either of us for this. Could any asari do it?”

“Any who are skilled at melding and have a good level of control, yes they should be able to help you,” Shiala replied, “Do you already know of another asari you can ask?”

If things worked out with Liara, then she was the obvious choice. If they didn't thought, Shepard clenched one fist, well then there was the one asari she was supposed to recruit. She wasn't sure what a Justicar was, only that they sounded like some type of asari holy warrior. “Yes I think so. I'm here to recruit two people for a mission, one is an asari, she's a Justicar named Samara.”

Shiala's eyes were wide, “a Justicar,” she breathed, “If she is willing to join you, then she will certainly be able to help you.”

Shepard was surprised by the strength of her reaction, “She's supposed to be a powerful biotic.”

“To survive Justicar training she would have to be, it is very difficult,” there was no mistaking the depth of respect in Shiala's tone.

“Ah,” Shepard said, a little at a loss in the face of what seemed very much like hero worship.

“Shepard,” it was Garrus, “sorry to interrupt, but we're supposed to meet Miranda and Jacob shortly.”

“Thank you for reminding me Garrus,” she glanced down at her omni-tool and frowned, time had gotten away from her; they needed to go now Miranda's sister was due to be moved in the next two hours. She turned back to the asari, “Shiala I must go, thank you for the information and I hope Zhu’s Hope continues to do well and that you find a cure for yourself and the other colonists soon.”

Shiala nodded, “Thank you again Shepard for your help, and take care,” she seemed honestly concerned.

Shepard gave her a reassuring smile, “I'll certainly try.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The Mass Effect universe is the property of Bioware/Electronic Arts. No infringement of these copyrights is intended as this is a not for profit fan fiction work.
> 
> Warning: angst
> 
> Notes: This is inspired by the Beyonce song "Save the Hero," from the album I am…Sasha Fierce. This is an Alternate Universe story.
> 
> Additional Remarks: The fourth and final comic of Mass Effect: Redemption is due out in a few days, hopefully there will be nothing in it which contradicts the story. If there is I will try and find a way to rework it so that everything fits together well.
> 
> Rating: Teen
> 
> Feedback: Always welcome, feedback is what encourages me to keep writing. Please let me know what you like and what you dislike about the story.
> 
> Errors and Corrections: Yes, please let me know about any errors you see so that I can correct them. This is un-beta'ed so it probably has a few.
> 
> Revision History: 03/29/2010; 10/01/2010

**Normandy – After Miranda's mission**

So much for a standby and watch mission, Shepard reflected wryly as she entered her quarters and began stripping off her armor. That had went out the window from the moment they had talked with Miranda's asari contact waiting for them in Eternity, a popular bar beside the trading floor. Miranda's father had hired Eclipse mercenaries to kidnap Oriana and bring her back to him. The news that Oriana wasn't the same age as Miranda had come as a shock to Shepard. The idea that the man actually had several embryos on ice as it were, ready to decant and raise if his current daughter wasn't exactly what he wanted, was appalling.

Knowing that she was about to be replaced and perhaps even killed had probably been one of the major reasons Miranda had run away from him. No wonder the woman seemed to have no clue how to reach out and connect with others, Shepard thought, Miranda's father had to be completely cold-blooded to raise a child and then decide to replace her with another one when she wasn't exactly what he wanted.

At least she had stopped Miranda from killing her friend. Even though Niket had betrayed Miranda, Shepard could tell that the Cereberus operative had still cared for him. And Shepard believed he had been telling them the truth, he had honestly thought Miranda had stolen Oriana out of revenge and that Miranda's sister would be better off being raised by her wealthy father than in relative poverty. Besides he was unarmed, and he had agreed to help them by telling Miranda's father he had no idea where Oriana had been relocated once Miranda confronted him. When the Eclipse captain, Enyala, had killed him, Miranda had immediately and angrily retaliated, attacking the asari with a powerful biotic attack.

Shepard entered the bathroom and stepped into the shower. She needed to clean up and then she wanted to speak to Miranda, see how the other woman was doing. At the end it had seemed as if Miranda's introduction and talk with her sister had gone well, but it had also been clear that the Cerberus operative hadn't wanted to talk about it right then. Shepard was hoping she would feel more comfortable aboard the ship and in her office.

 

**Normandy - Third Deck, XO Office**

Miranda's expression as Shepard entered her office was welcoming; it seemed as if she had been right about Miranda being more relaxed and willing to talk here.

"Thanks again Shepard," Miranda said as she stopped on the other side of the woman's desk. "Taking the time to help me with my sister," she dropped her gaze from Shepard to the surface of her desk as she admitted, "I couldn't have reached Oriana in time without your help."

"I'm glad that we did," Shepard responded.

Miranda nodded, stood up walked over to a lone chair situated in front of a window and sat down in it facing the view, "I'm glad that Niket tried to redeem himself. For what good it did," she added. "Thank you for stopping me Commander."

Shepard walked over, "Sounds like you had a soft spot for Niket after all," she observed.

"I didn't have many friends, Niket was one of them. He never wanted anything from me. He was safe…comfortable. A reminder of a more innocent time I suppose," Miranda responded.

"Are you happy about your sister's relocation?" Shepard inquired.

"She has what I wanted her to have," Miranda glanced over at Shepard, "A normal life and the freedom to choose her own path. And she knows she has an older sister, a friend."

Shepard could hear the happiness in the other woman's tone. It brought a small smile to her lips, it seemed as if she had been right to insist that Oriana deserved to know she had more family that cared about and loved her. "Are you going to talk to her again?"

Miranda sat up in the chair, "I honestly don't know," she admitted, "for once I haven't planned that far ahead. I'll deal with it after our mission. I have to stay focused, and she needs time to adjust to her new home."

Shepard knew that finding Miranda in such a talkative mood was rare. Miranda seemed to want to talk about this so she decided to push for more information, "You never told me what you talked about."

"I introduced myself. Her family was shocked. She adjusted quickly, of course. She's as smart as I am. She plays the violin loves the adagio movement of Nielsen's fifth, just like I do. She wants to work in colony development. Told a joke about it, she's really funny," Miranda said with a smile and then added, "something we don't share."

Pride, wonder, a moment of humor, it was interesting listening to the different emotions as Miranda talked about her sister. "Let me know if I can do anything else," Shepard offered.

Miranda stood, "I think I've got it from here. My father has no chance of finding her family in their new location. But thank you Commander, my sister is safe again thanks in large part to you. I won't forget that."

All in all, Shepard thought, as she left Miranda's office things had went very well. Their interactions were more relaxed than before and she thought that Miranda now trusted her, at least on a personal level. She also had an idea why the dramatic threat she had made before the Freedom's Progress mission, to kill herself before she would let herself be controlled by some chip in her brain, had hit home so well. Miranda's father had tried to control every aspect of his daughter's life, Shepard's threat must have been like a slap in the face reminder of the Cerberus' operatives own past, and most likely why the woman had backed down so quickly and never mentioned it again. Miranda had probably realized that her father would have happily done put a control chip in her brain to ensure her obedience if the technology had been available when she was a teenager.

Shepard also had a good feel for why Miranda seemed to find it difficult to connect with others and why she seemed to lack empathy for people unless she personally knew them. Shepard hoped that getting to know and keeping in contact with her sister would be good for Miranda. Though the Cerberus operative had protected Oriana and made sure she lived her own life, until now Miranda hadn't had the opportunity to love her sister the person as opposed to the idea of her sister. As the black-haired woman had said herself, Niket had been a safe, comfortable choice for a friend that expected nothing of her, and yet she had cared enough about him to let Shepard stop her and be willing to let him go. Getting to know her sister however, was not going to really be necessarily safe or comfortable for Miranda, but it had the possibility of being a much more rewarding and deep relationship than anything Miranda had experienced before.

Now if she could only get Miranda to realize that she had more value than just being a useful tool, first for her father and now for the Illusive Man. Shepard didn't doubt that he knew Miranda's weaknesses and played on them, even to the point of acting almost like a caring father to her. If she still thought of herself as a useful tool after all these years of loyal service to the Illusive Man and his ideology however, he wasn't giving her a lot of praise or building her up to be confident in herself. If Shepard's suspicions were correct, he doled out the attention whenever Miranda did anything useful, leading her on just enough to want more, to want to finally prove herself to him and feel as if she had truly gained his approval, but never actually let her feel as if she had achieved it. Thus ensuring she would keep trying, believing that if she did better, if she tried harder, she would eventually gain what she desired. Shepard's lips curved downward in a frown at her thoughts, it was emotional manipulation at it's finest, and would be very difficult to combat.

She sighed as she entered the elevator, letting her concerns about her XO go for now, and tapped the control for the top deck and her quarters. They were still docked at Illium, it was late enough that she didn't feel like trying to find out if Liara was still working. First thing tomorrow morning would be soon enough for that, Liara's message to her after they had found all the data she needed hadn't been what she had hoped. Oh, it had been friendly enough and if they had just been friends it would have been all she expected, but they had been more than just friends. Though except from the too short kiss, one could hardly tell from the way Liara was acting toward her that they had ever been lovers. It was intensely disconcerting to Shepard, and she still had no idea if it was because Liara thought her offices were being watched or if the asari were just not interested in rekindling the relationship.

The elevator doors opened and Shepard levered herself away from the wall she had been leaning upon and exited, crossed the corridor and entered her quarters. She stopped by her desk to pick up the picture of Liara there; it was very nice picture of the asari, she had to give whoever had chosen it that. Amanda closed her eyes; she knew she was already mourning the end of their relationship. Today…damn it she knew she wasn't imagining the distance that Liara had kept between them after she pulled away from the kiss. Maybe that had just been remembered emotion on Liara's part, brought on by her appearance, and then just as quickly regretted.

Amanda gazed down at the image of the asari that she loved, or maybe it was just that they were being watched. She shouldn't give up just yet and just let what they had die, not when she hadn't even gotten up the courage to actually ask Liara how she felt. Tomorrow, Amanda vowed, one way or another she would get a definitive answer from Liara, did the asari still love her or did she only want to be friends and let their past relationship stay in the past. Never mind that the past seemed only a few months ago to Amanda, she could pretend that it didn't tear her apart for the few days they were on Illium. Then perhaps after enough time it wouldn't be a lie.

Shepard gently placed Liara's picture back in its spot on her desk, and determinedly pushed the painful emotions away. She couldn't dwell on this, at least not for the rest of the night; she had other things she needed to do before tomorrow came. Shepard smiled bitterly, if Liara didn't want to be with her anymore she would understand. Just as right now, their relationship had always had to take second place to her duty. Shepard bowed her head, that was just the reality of her life now, the safety of the galaxy had to come before her personal life.

She went to her bed, and sat down on the edge of it, took a few deep calming breaths. She knew the protheans were more used to communicating with each other by mind to mind contact than any of the races besides perhaps the rachni in the galaxy today. Even the asari, who used it to teach their children how to meld, did not tend to meld except in very specific instances and of course during intimacy. The protheans though, they exchanged information with each other in that way almost daily. It was a normal means of communication for them, so normal that even their mechanical means of communication often used an artificial mental connection to deliver messages.

Shepard needed to find a way to meet with Rayna Vallan tomorrow morning, to come up with a reason to visit the commercial spaceport that didn't raise any suspicions. Then she needed to fill the asari in on all the reasons why she thought that Cerberus couldn't be trusted. She needed to explain why she needed the rachni's help to try and figure out the Illusive Man's true motivations behind wanting her to fight the Collectors, and why she was sure the Council and Alliance were being purposefully kept in the dark about what was actually happening. If she could learn how the protheans transferred information mind to mind then her task tomorrow would be so much easier. She didn't dare spend too much time speaking to Rayna, and certainly not the hour or more she would need to explain it verbally. She needed a quicker way of getting the information to the asari and she didn't really think a normal meld would work well. Liara had become tired and fatigued after just looking for the prothean beacon data because a meld with her was so difficult, and Shepard had much more information than that she needed to show Rayna. She needed to show the asari the Cerberus operations she had uncovered and destroyed before her death as well as what had happened since they brought her back to make her suspicious of them.

So now she was hoping that locked in the cipher was the memory of someone who could teach her how the prothean's communicated and how they ordered their thoughts such that they could create coherent messages like those in the beacons. Shepard kicked off her shoes and lay back on the bed staring up at the window above her. As they were docked, it was shuttered, and so not much of a view, but better than letting people look in on her room. She closed her eyes. Before she had just let her mind wander, now she was trying to find a specific type of memory with no clear idea of exactly what it should be like. Only that she needed memories that had something to do with passing memories or information from mind to mind. She turned her mental focus inward, searching...

Really Adlanna should have better control of her thoughts than this; all children were taught how to focus their thoughts from a young age. Adlanna however, seemed to have little control over hers. Odd thoughts kept intruding and Lindariel had no desire to know who the young woman thought was cute or otherwise. This was the drawback of working at one of the more prestigious academies in all of the empire. Some of the students were truly gifted and joys to work with because they truly wished to learn, and others were the children of the rich and powerful, and some of them were…less than enthusiastic learners. Adlanna was one of her more gifted students, but despite having some of the best tutors train her, she still lacked the mental discipline needed for proper mental communications.

"Focus Adlanna," she sternly admonished the young woman, "your thoughts are drifting."

The young woman said sulkily, "Yes Lindariel."

Abruptly breaking the mental connection between them, Lindariel straightened. Such impertinent familiarity was completely unacceptable!

The young woman immediately withered underneath her stern glare, "Pardon, Elder Instructor Lindariel, my apologies to you."

She stared down at the young woman until Adlanna seemed to realize that she had truly stepped beyond the bounds of proper behavior this time. "I accept your apology," she finally allowed, "but your behavior will still be noted in my daily report to the Chief Instructor." She paused for a _tiva_ before adding, "Who will doubtless forward it to your parents."

The young woman's _dolthond_, or head roots, snapped tight to her neck in shock, doubtless she had thought the apology would be enough. It was not, the young woman had skirted on the edges of showing proper respect to her and the other instructors for the last time as far as she was concerned. The elder was tired of her behavior. Let her family deal with it, no matter that he was the owner of Hayll Nayzle and greatly respected by many, his daughter's behavior, if not corrected soon, would bring great dishonor upon him and his family.

"Now again," Lindariel instructed giving the young woman little time to recover from the news of her punishment, "strengthen your mental barriers, clear your mind and push aside all other thoughts, focus only on the information you want to convey, bring your _órë_ into harmony with mine, initiate the mental connection and then open the way only to those thoughts you wish to share."

Lindariel opened her eyes, she was lying flat upon a surface and she was not in her classroom any longer. The elder sat up and then quickly rose, looking around the room in alarm, but there didn't seem to be anyone else here. What had happened? How could she have been in her classroom teaching and then suddenly transported here? She straightened her shoulders, she was Elder Instructor Lindariel not some youngster to be frightened by the unknown, she calmed herself by pure force of will and then took a second more careful look around. The surface she had been lying upon appeared to be a resting platform, though not like the ones she was used to and there were living fish swimming in tanks along one wall.

She walked around the resting platform to take a closer look at them wondering if they were there for decoration as they appeared or as a food source. Models of ships enclosed in transparent walls caught her attention next, their design varied wildly from one to the next and none of them looked like ships built by her people. She went up the steps, ah now here was something that looked familiar, Lindariel thought as she saw what was obviously some type of data input device upon the desk to her left. She sat down in the chair and as soon as she did one of the objects on the desk suddenly activated, displaying a picture of an alien. Lindariel reached over and picked it up curiously, what race was this? So strange looking and yet…familiar? Liara, the strange word came to her mind, but how did she know….

Shepard she was Amanda Athene Shepard, and not Lindariel Ealothen, Elder Instructor. Amanda drew in a deep breath and placed the picture of Liara back on her desk. She looked at the open terminal, wondered what Lindariel would have made of it. There was no telling she decided after a moment, but she suspected the prothean woman would have went poking around trying to figure out what was going on regardless of the fact that the language wasn't familiar to her. Elder Instructor Lindariel hadn't lacked in intelligence, determination or courage.

Shepard examined the memories she had just unearthed, interesting she hadn't realized prothean society was so strict and honor based, it almost reminded her of some of Earths Asian cultures. And damn, Elder Instructor Lindariel was one scary woman. Shepard was happy she hadn't had any teachers like that in high school. If she had, the entire class would have probably been quiet and awake in an effort not to attract her attention to any one of them, much less mouthing off to her as that one teenager had foolishly done.

Now she had exactly the information she needed to figure out how to transfer information from mind to mind. Lindariel had taught the very thing she needed to know and there were a lot of memories for her to go through, the prothean had been a teacher for almost three hundred years. Shepard's eyes widened, she doubted anyone realized that the protheans were fairly long lived, though not nearly as long as the asari or krogan. Lindariel's memories indicated that she expected to live until she was around six hundred or so years old.

Shepard also now had an explanation for why the Thorian memories she had found were both teachers. It had lived right below an educational complex with both an academy for the younger students and what would be equivalent to a university for the older ones.

 

**Illium – Liara T'Soni's Office**

Talk about screwing your courage to the sticking place, thought Shepard, as she stopped at the bottom of the stairs leading up to Liara's office. It was very early in the day, and few people were even out and about. Those that were looked like they were heading to work. Tali and Garrus were with her once again and she knew they would stay politely outside Liara's office just as they had the last time. Damn it, where was a good firefight when you needed one. She swallowed against the tightness in her throat, well this was it. She started up the stairs, ignored Nyxeris rising up from behind her desk, and entered Liara's office.

Liara looked up from the terminal on her desk as Shepard entered; she didn't look surprised, "Shepard," the asari greeted her, "Thank you for getting me that system data." Liara held out a credit chit which Shepard just stared at with a confused frown, "Here," Liara explained, "It's not much but hopefully it will help you on your mission."

Shepard waved it away, trying not to show her anger; they had gone from lovers to her being paid for her services now? What the hell was this? "The Normandy is doing fine credit wise; we had a lot of excess minerals to sell when we docked here. Miranda was able to get a good price for them, enough for us to purchase everything we wished to buy here and even do some upgrades on the ship with some left over."

Liara's fingers clenched on the credit chit before she laid it back on her desk, "That's good to hear. You always were good at coming up with ways of raising credits when you needed them," she said, her tone terse.

Shepard stared at her, she sighed, "There's no need for payment between us Liara."

Liara drew in a surprised sounding breath, "I didn't mean to imply that there was," she apologized softly, "I wouldn't have been able to set myself up as an information broker if it wasn't for my share of the money from the Normandy fund. I only meant to give something back to you."

"Don't worry about it," Shepard said, "everyone on the ship contributed toward that fund, there isn't any need for you to repay it in any way." Liara stared at her for a moment, then she nodded, swept the credit chit from the desktop and put it away in a drawer. "So the information I got you," Shepard prompted her. It was easier to keep her mind on doing rather than feeling right now.

Liara sat down, "Do you remember the Shadow Broker?" At Shepard's nod she continued, "With the information you obtained for me, I may be able to find information caches from his agents."

Remembering what the Illusive Man had claimed, that Liara was working for the Shadow Broker, Shepard asked, "Are you on the run from the Shadow Broker? I can help you if you are."

Liara smiled, it wasn't a particularly pleasant one. "Actually it would be more accurate to say that the Shadow Broker is on the run from me. We crossed paths not long after you died," Liara explained. "Since then," her tone hardened, "I've been working to take him down." The asari slapped her desk hard enough with one hand to set her monitor shaking. "With this data I'm a step closer."

Shepard had to fight to keep her jaw from dropping in surprise; she didn't think she had ever seen Liara act quite this angry before. "I've never seen you ready to execute someone in cold blood. What did the Shadow Broker do to you?"

Liara stood up, "I was on a job with a friend," she explained. Her hands clenched, "the Shadow Broker's people caught us. My friend didn't escape. I don't know if he's dead or still being interrogated," Liara turned toward the window, "but I need to find him. I owe him my life." She turned back toward Shepard, "And I need to make the Shadow Broker pay for what he did." She slowly settled back into her chair.

Shepard frowned, friend what did that mean, was he just a friend or something more? Had Liara found comfort in the arms of another? She shook her head; she shouldn't assume anything, not yet. "You can't come with me because you're after the Shadow Broker? What if I help you find him," she offered.

"I'm sorry Shepard," Liara stood up again, "the galaxy doesn't work that way, I need to find leads, trace information, I need to work. I can't do that on the Normandy." She sat back down again, "I wish I could."

Shepard bit back the initial angry response she wanted to make; maybe Liara was saying she couldn't work on a Cerberus ship. Shepard could certainly understand that, it didn't make her comfortable knowing that Cerberus was monitoring every piece of communication coming into and out of the ship. She didn't ask though, instead she just said, "Do you need anything else."

Liara looked at her, "Yes actually I do, but first what about you? Do you need anything, any information?"

Well at least that was something. Her hands clenched briefly, she was reduced to being grateful for small scraps of consideration now? "Actually," said Shepard, "I'm looking for two people, an asari Justicar named Samara and an assassin, Thane Krios." Yes, it seemed as if she was, Shepard thought bitterly.

Liara typed in a few commands at her terminal, "Samara, yes, she arrived recently and registered with Tracking Officer Dara. You can find Dara at the transportation hub."

Shepard frowned, "Why would Samara have to register with a tracking officer?"

"She's required to as a Justicar," Liara explained, "As for Thane Krios he arrived here a few days ago; my sources tell me he may be targeting a corporate executive, Nassana Dantius." Shepard frowned that name seemed familiar, and then it clicked, the asari diplomat whose Eclipse mercenary sister she had killed. Shepard had found information on the slaver's body indicating that she was blackmailing Nassana and had confronted the asari diplomat with it later on the Citadel. "He contacted a woman named Seryna. She has an office in the Cargo Transfer levels, perhaps she can tell you where Krios is."

Shepard was impressed, "That was all just off the top of your head?"

Liara smiled, "I'm a very good information broker, Shepard. The world of intrigue isn't that different from a dig site," she explained. Then she added, "Except that the dead bodies still smell," with a hint of disgust.

That brought to mind too many unpleasant memories, the day the batarians had raided Mindor being one of them. Bodies lying on the grass and walkways, torn by bullets or simply beaten to death, congealing and drying blood pooling around them. The summer sun beat unmercifully down on everything, it's harsh light revealing every detail of the brutal wounds on the bodies of the people she had known for all of her life. There was the stench of death hanging in the still, hot air and the sound of the insects buzzing around the bodies and blood. In the distance she could hear shouting and the sound of gunfire. Oddly, despite all these sounds there was a pervading sense of silence immediately around her, one which was broken only by her own footsteps, the sound of her own breathing. Yes, she remembered the smells, and the sounds, and the sights. Shepard determinedly pushed the memories aside. She had come to appreciated most of her renewed and resurrected memories, but sometimes, like now, she truly wished that some memories had been a bit more dimmed by time before they became so perfectly fixed in her mind. "So you mentioned you needed something?" she asked determinedly. She had found that focusing on something else, especially something active, helped her get past these moments.

Liara was looking at her, a concerned expression on her face. Shepard waved it off, "Just a flash of an unpleasant memory," she explained lightly. She had become rather good at distracting people from paying too much attention to her thankfully infrequent flashbacks.

Liara nodded, though she still seemed uncertain, "The data you obtained for me, as I said was extremely helpful, it gave me a target. The Shadow Broker has several contacts here on Illium. The most powerful is someone called the Observer. Taking down the Observer will put me closer to the Shadow Broker."

"Alright, so how did you need me to help?" Shepard asked.

"I don't have the technical skills to reconstruct the data," Liara explained, "and the Shadow Broker only refers to his agents by race and profession. Nyxeris had gathered information that narrows the Observer down to one of five operatives, a turian, a salarian, a krogan, a batarian and a vorcha. If you can refine the list I'll know where to strike."

"Do you have any specifics on these agents?" That was precious little information to work off of.

"I'm afraid not," Liara grimaced, "Nyxeris was lucky to get as much as she did, the data is the our only hope of determining which one is the Observer and if we wait too long," Liara shook her head, "they'll all disappear."

"I'll reconstruct the data and tell you what I find," with Garrus and Tali to help her, this shouldn't take too long. Shepard hoped that with the Observer out of the way, Liara might be able to relax a little and they might be able to have an actual conversation. Now that she was watching for clues to decipher Liara's behavior with her, Shepard could see how tense Liara was, although the asari was doing a decent job of hiding it.

"Thank you Shepard," Liara said, sounding relieved, "When you find something call me on the radio channel we used in the old days. I can't risk handling this in person."

Shepard nodded, "It shouldn't take us long," she promised, she turned and left. She wanted to get this done, and done quickly. She motioned to Garrus and Tali to come closer when she got to the bottom of the stairs and explained what needed to be done. With all three of them working on the problem, it didn't take them long to find the information caches Liara had spoken of, the only issue was that none of the five suspects fit the data that they had found.

Frowning at the suspicion that was forming in her mind, Shepard called Liara, "Shepard, did you get any information on the Observer?"

"All five of the suspects are male, the Observer is female. Something's not right; you said Nyxeris gave you this lead?" Shepard asked.

"Yes, my assistant Nyxeris got me the information...Nyxeris gave me the information," she could hear from the hardening of Liara's tone that the asari had made the same connection as she had, Nyxeris was the Observer. "Nyxeris, could I see you in here for a moment?" she heard Liara say.

"Liara we're only five or so minutes away," Shepard said urgently, "wait for us to back you up." Instead of a response she only heard static as the connection was disconnected at the other end. Shepard stared at her omni-tool in angry disbelief; she couldn't believe Liara had just done that. "Garrus, Tali back to Liara's office," she growled, "She's confronting Nyxeris right now."

Nyxeris wasn't at her desk when they passed by and burst into Liara's office, weapons drawn, but pointed down. In the middle of the room, Liara stood over Nyxeris' obviously dead body. She tensed as they entered and her biotics flared for a moment before subsiding almost as quickly upon realizing it was them.

"What's wrong with you?" Shepard growled at her, "Why didn't you wait for us to back you up?"

Liara's blue eyes narrowed at her tone, "I knew I could handle her," she defended herself angrily.

"That's a dangerous assumption to make," Shepard rebutted sharply, "especially when you have a safer alternative available. Dying cured me of any foolish notion I had that I couldn't be defeated," she snarled and would have added something more about not wanting Liara to learn the same lesson except that Liara interrupted her.

"And I lost any foolish notion I had that I could be anything like you when I barely escaped from the Shadow Broker alive and had to leave Feron behind," Liara snarled right back.

The two of them stared at one another, anger dying as quickly as it had risen as they realized what each other had just admitted.

"Umm..." the silence was broken by Tali, "Maybe we should wait outside," the quarian said, sounding very uncomfortable.

"Shepard?" Garrus questioned.

"Just a second," Shepard said to him, looking down at the body of Nyxeris with a frown, "What about her?" she asked Liara. Should they contact the police? This wasn't exactly a clear cut case of self-defense.

"There's a narrow corridor behind my office," Liara said, "I know of someone who will see to it that her body just disappears." Shepard frowned, that sounded like a very shady character for Liara to know, though she could certainly see how it might be useful in certain circumstances like this one. "We aren't all Spectres' Shepard," Liara said, interrupting Shepard's thoughts, "Some of us can't just leave the dead bodies of our enemies lying around for anyone to find," her tone was harsh, defensive.

Eyes narrowed, Shepard replied, "Fine," she bent down, grabbed the woman's shoulders, lifted, "Garrus get the legs please." When they had lifted the body, she looked over toward Liara, "Well?" She wasn't happy about any of this, and saw no reason to pretend that she was. However, she wasn't going to risk Liara's safety or chance the local police being less than understanding over some dead Shadow Broker agent who would have would have killed Liara without a second thought if ordered to do so. The data they had recovered certainly indicated that the Shadow Broker agent had no problems in the past with ordering and recommending that people be killed.

"I'll show you," Liara said quietly and walked out of the office and then pressed a small recessed area in the wall. A barely discernible door slid open, revealing a dusty looking corridor that looked like a service access-way. She and Garrus laid down Nyxeris' body there and left it.

"We need to talk," Shepard said to Liara once they were standing outside the asari's office again. She wasn't angry anymore, only sad as it firmly sunk in that the sweet shy archeologist that she remembered had grown and changed into the much harder asari in front of her now. Liara had told her that the past two years had been difficult for her; she was beginning to understand exactly what those years had done to Liara.

Liara nodded, "Yes, I guess we do," she agreed quietly and walked back into her office. The door shut behind her, leaving Shepard, Garrus and Tali outside for the moment.

"We'll just stay out here Shepard, make sure no one interrupts you two," Garrus assured her quietly

"Thanks," she said to both of them before she followed Liara into her office. The asari was sitting down at her desk; Shepard took the chair on the opposite side. They stared at each other for several seconds, neither one speaking. Shepard sighed, and broke the silence, "So, what's your next move now that you've found your Observer."

Liara seemed surprised at the question, but answered quickly, looking relieved, "Now I gather information, peel away layers of lies and shine light into the shadows." She drew in a breath, her eyes narrowing, "And when I find the Shadow Broker," her voice hardened, "I hit him with a biotic field so strong that what's left of his body will fit into a coffee cup."

This was rather pure anger, what in the hell had the Shadow Broker done to Liara to make her so bound and determined to kill him? Had she been right and this Feron Liara had mentioned earlier had been her lover? "That anger can't be just from what you've told me. What else happened between you and the Shadow Broker?"

Liara's eyes flitted away from hers, the asari got up suddenly, turned to look out the window. She drew in an audible breath, "Did Cerberus ever tell you how they recovered your body?"

Shepard stared at Liara's stiff back "They said the Collectors had offered a reward for it, enough to have every merc group combing the Terminus Systems. The Blue Suns were the ones that found me. Cerberus managed to acquire me before I was handed over to the Collectors."

"All true, only who ever told you left a few things out," Liara said. "The Collectors made the deal through the Shadow Broker. I was the one who took your body from the Shadow Brokers base…" she bowed her head, "and then I gave you to Cerberus because they said they could rebuild you." She turned back around, slipped into her chair, never quite meeting Shepard's gaze.

Liara…it had been Liara who gave her body to Cerberus knowing how much she hated them? "Why didn't you tell me about this before now?" she managed to ask.

"Because I screwed it up Shepard," Liara admitted, "I barely escaped with my own life. And when I gave you to Cerberus, I told myself I was doing it for you," she said softly, her voice full of pain, "For a chance to bring you back." Liara paused for a moment and closed her eyes, "But I knew Cerberus would use you for their own business." For a brief moment, she met Shepard's gaze again before bowing her head and confessing, "And I let it happen…because I couldn't let you go. I'm sorry."

Shepard looked at Liara, saw the pain and sorrow in the downcast blue eyes. She couldn't hurt Liara, no matter how conflicted her own emotions were over Cerberus bringing her back to life. "It's alright," Amanda said softly, "you did the right thing, my mission is important." The Reapers, only she was in a position to do something, to find out why they were directing the Collectors to abduct colonists and to stop them. "I wouldn't be here to do it if you hadn't given me to Cerberus."

Liara stared at her searchingly, as if wondering if she were telling the truth. Shepard pushed down her conflicted feelings, gazed back trying to convey her reassurance. It must have worked, "Thank you," Liara said, she paused, "I was…afraid you'd hate me."

"Never Liara," Shepard vowed, leaning forward, "I…"

Before she could say anything else, Liara hurriedly interrupted her, "So, that's why I must destroy the Shadow Broker, for what he did to my friend, and to you and whatever he's doing with the Collectors."

The interruption was jarring, it had to have been clear what she had been about to say. It was obvious that Liara hadn't wanted to hear it. She firmed her jaw, "Liara when I last saw you we were lovers, what are we now?" Shepard forced herself to just ask the question, to get it over with whichever way it went.

Liara lurched up from her chair, "I had hoped you would not ask me this," she said, her voice strained.

"I need to know," Shepard bowed her head briefly before raising it to gaze into Liara's eyes, "I deserve to know."

Liara stared at her, blue eyes pained and nodded, "I hoped that Cerberus could do as they promised, but the months passed and being without you hurt so much," she whispered. "I couldn't take the long view, I couldn't just cherish the short time we had together, I wanted…needed more." Shepard clenched her hands in her lap, fought the urge to go to Liara, to hold her and sooth away the raw pain she was seeing. Liara drew in a harsh sounding breath, "Eventually as the months passed I stopped hoping, and sometime after that I stopped hurting every moment of every day." The asari bowed her head for a moment before lifting it and continuing, "I managed to build up my business, focus on finding the Shadow Broker." She looked over at Shepard, "And now after two years here you are, and you're going after the Collectors and if you survive that mission the Reapers." Her face contorted with pain, "I can't Amanda, please understand, I just can't do it again." Tears welled, "If I let myself…and you died…I can't, not again. Not when it's stopped hurting so much and I was finally... Please, just don't," the last was a broken whisper.

Amanda held out her hand, wished so badly she could go to Liara, hold her and promise her that she wouldn't die again. But they both knew that would be an empty promise. "I'm sorry, Liara I never meant…" what could she say; she never meant to break Liara's heart? But yet she had, the proof of it was right before her. "I'm sorry," Amanda repeated and then turned on her heel and left, she didn't say a word to Garrus and Tali as she went by them.

She didn't quite know where she was going right now; she needed a quiet place to get herself together. She bit back a choked sob, as always, there were things she had to do that couldn't be put off for another day, there wasn't enough time for her to break down right now. She maybe could spare an hour to deal with this so that she could get it together enough to meet with Rayna and then find either Samara or Thane. Damn it, how could she have thought she could still be a lover to Liara when she didn't even have enough time to mourn the loss of their relationship or give any comfort to herself?


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The Mass Effect universe is the property of Bioware/Electronic Arts. No infringement of these copyrights is intended as this is a not for profit fan fiction work.
> 
> Warning: none
> 
> Notes: This is inspired by the Beyonce song "Save the Hero," from the album I am…Sasha Fierce. This is an Alternate Universe story.
> 
> Rating: Teen
> 
> Feedback: Always welcome, feedback is what encourages me to keep writing. Please let me know what you like and what you dislike about the story.
> 
> Errors and Corrections: Yes, please let me know about any errors you see so that I can correct them. This is un-beta'ed so it probably has a few.
> 
> Revision History: 04/06/2010

**Illium – Main Trading Floor**

Shepard stopped in a quiet corner of the trading floor and briefly explained in a quiet tone what had happened between her and Liara to Garrus and Tali. They immediately suggested they should go back to the ship, she overruled them. There simply wasn't time; they couldn't risk Rayna leaving before they met with her. Instead she insisted that they find a quiet place with a corner she could sit in for a short time away from everyone else. Tali found them a cafe that served multi-species breakfasts. A quiet and hidden corner table in the back suited Shepard's needs well.

She managed to choke down some food and then settled into the back corner of the booth while Garrus and Tali talked quietly, sipped their beverages, and made sure the waitress left their table alone. It was time and thankfully, due to her digging through the Cipher last night and finding the memories of Elder Instructor Lindariel, she had some ideas about how to wall away her emotions for another few hours so she could get done what she needed to do today.

Lindariel had lost her mate, a man whom she had deeply loved and had been with for nearly a hundred and sixty years, to an accident only five years prior to the last of the memories Shepard had of her. Amanda wasn't sure if that meant that she hadn't long outlived him before she died and was consumed by the Thorian, or if Lindariel had lived for hundreds of years longer and these were just the memories the Thorian had either chosen to keep or been able to absorb.

Lindariel had struggled with and overcome the almost the exact same difficulties Amanda was facing now. The prothean woman had taken time away from her duties as a teacher to mourn, but such a loss simply wasn't recovered from within a few short weeks. Despite the fact that she was still grieving the loss of her mate, Lindariel had needed and wanted to return to teaching, to do something that was useful and occupied her thoughts. In order to teach, however, she had to carefully wall away her pain and sorrow so that the children weren't aware of it.

The techniques and meditations she had used were now available to Amanda and the Spectre gratefully made full use of them, gently walling away the raw, painful emotions. As Lindariel had, she would allow herself to grieve the loss of her relationship with Liara at a more appropriate time, such as later today when she was alone in her quarters. Lindariel's memories also helped Amanda both understand what Liara had gone through when she died, and they gave her comfort that eventually the loss and pain she was feeling would fade and become easier to bear. It had for the prothean woman; Amanda had no reason to think that time would not do the same for her as well. Exploring the prothean woman's memories also solidified Shepard's belief that underneath their external and cultural differences, she and Lindariel weren't really all that different from one another. The prothean's love for her mate and her grief over his loss certainly felt similar enough to what she was feeling about the loss of her relationship with Liara.

By the time she was done with her meditations, most of the hour Amanda had allotted herself had passed. It hadn't been easy, but Shepard did feel calmer, less emotional, and more in control of herself. She knew her control over her emotions wasn't perfect, especially not by Lindariel's standards, but it was much better than it had been just an hour ago. With any luck it would be enough to allow her to meld with Rayna and not bombard the asari with her emotions, as well as allowing her to make it through the rest of the day.

In an odd turn of events, one of the things that had shifted in the past hour was Shepard's view of Elder Instructor Lindariel. Certainly she knew the woman had been a stern and demanding teacher, but she also knew the prothean had truly cared about all of her students and wanted all of them to succeed at what she was trying to teach them. Knowing of the prothean's loss and pain and the way Lindariel had gracefully dealt with it... well Shepard's respect for the Elder Instructor had definitely grown by leaps and bounds this morning. Lindariel's memories and her meditative techniques had been an invaluable help to Shepard and she certainly felt grateful toward the elder prothean and the memories she had of her. It was almost as if Lindariel had become a very good friend to her, which was very odd considering that the woman had been dead for over fifty thousand years, but it was also very true.

 

**Illium – Transportation Center and Commercial Spaceport**

Officer Dara, when they asked as to the current location of Justicar Samara, directed them to the commercial spaceport. Shepard couldn't believe their luck, considering the way the day had begun; she hoped it was a good omen for the remainder of day. They had needed to find a way to the spaceport and the Justicar just happened to provide them with the perfect excuse. Though being greeted with a worried, "Did she kill somebody already?" by the officer hadn't been at all what Shepard expected. Apparently the authorities on Illium were very worried that someone would either try to bribe the Justicar, which would oblige her to kill them for insulting her honor, or she would catch them breaking the law and kill them. If it were an asari all well and good, no one would question the Justicar's decision, but if it were a non-asari the authorities were afraid it would cause a diplomatic incident. Hence the local authorities concern with the Justicar's presence on Illium.

It didn't take Shepard long to locate the Ilara Waverunner once they arrived at the commercial spaceport, the small courier ship wasn't docked very far from where the air cab let dropped them off. No one seemed to pay much attention to their arrival, being more concerned with their own business. Rayna was busy loading some shipping crates into her ship's cargo area when they walked up. The lavender hued asari nodded to them, "I need to get these loaded and then we can talk, if you wish you can wait in the ship."

Shepard responded, "We'll wait inside, no need to draw any attention to ourselves or to you." Rayna's grey eyes, only shade or two darker than Shepard's own lighter, silvery grey ones, narrowed at that and she motioned for them to enter her ship's cargo area. They lost no time in doing so, moving toward the back of the area so that anyone passing by wouldn't see them. Ten minutes later, Rayna loaded the last cargo container and closed the hatch.

"Are you and your companions in danger Shepard?" Rayna asked as she led them deeper into her ship.

Shepard responded, "Not in any immediate danger, no."

"Unless they find out about this," Tali murmured.

"Which is why we're being very careful to make sure they don't," Shepard responded. Rayna glanced at her sharply at this, but didn't say anything. They stopped in a decently sized room with a small cooking area and a table and chairs, obviously the ships small kitchen and dining area.

Rayna motioned for them to sit down, "Would anyone like something to drink?"

Since they had just eaten, they all demurred. Shepard looked over at the asari, and decided that sometimes it was easiest to simply dive right into it. "What do you know about a group called Cerberus?" Over the next few minutes Shepard sketchily explained about the Collector attack on the Normandy two years ago, and how Cerberus had come into possession of her body, though she left Liara's role in her recovery completely out of it. She explained how the organization had rebuilt her body, bringing her back to life and then requesting her help in defeating the Collectors, who were abducting whole human colonies out in the Terminus Systems. Throughout her explanation Rayna looked surprised and amazed at what Shepard was telling her, but never doubtful or as if she disbelieved the Commander, which was reassuring.

"The news reports claiming that pirates are attacking them?" Rayna questioned confused.

"The latest reports on Horizon?" Shepard asked and Rayna nodded. "Lies or at least misdirection, the Council is aware of who is actually behind the attacks. They have eye witness reports as well as the information I managed to get to them. I'm not sure why they released that statement, but in any case they can't act openly in the Terminus Systems."

"So how are you in danger and why do you need the rachni's help?" Rayna asked.

"Cerberus," Shepard replied succinctly, "despite how they are trying to portray themselves to me, they are the same ruthless terrorist organization I encountered before my death. I'm certain that their leader, the Illusive Man, though he probably does want to stop the Collector attacks, also has less than altruistic reasons for bringing me back. Somehow going after the Collectors furthers his goal of human domination of the galaxy, but to try and verbally explain to you why I'm certain he has another agenda would take longer than I think is safe for either of us. I'd like to try a meld if that's alright with you." Shepard could tell by Rayna's reaction that the asari wasn't immediately sold on the idea, "I think it's the only way to explain everything the Queen needs to know in order to make her decision, while not taking so much time here that we run the risk of this meeting being discovered and endangering all of us."

Rayna frowned in concern, "I know it may seem to non-asari as though melds are an easy way of transferring information from one mind to another but..."

"I know," Shepard interrupted her, "it isn't that way and human minds are naturally resistant to melds. I'd like to try something different, not a standard meld where you have to go looking for the information, but one where I have the memory I want you to see already ready and in the forefront of my mind." Shepard drew in a breath, and added "It's a prothean method," knowing already that she wasn't going to be able to explain exactly how she had learned the method.

The lavender hued asari stared at her wide-eyed, "A prothean method?" Little wonder Rayna sounded doubtful at the idea of anyone possessing firsthand knowledge of how the protheans did things. It shouldn't be possible, but then most people didn't know about the Thorian or Saren's Reaper driven obsession with finding the Ilos conduit.

"It's something that happened when I was trying to track down Saren," Shepard tried to explain as much as she could without revealing any classified information, "I ended up receiving a prothean cipher so that I could understand the message I received from a prothean beacon. As a result of that, I now have a few prothean memories floating around in here," Shepard tapped her head lightly with a finger, "Which is how I learned how the protheans transferred information during a meld." Rayna was still just staring at her, Shepard didn't blame her, as explanations went it was certainly lacking. "The details are classified, I can't give you a better explanation than that, sorry."

Rayna slowly nodded, "Very well Commander, I am willing to make the attempt if you believe this will work."

"Give me a minute to prepare," Shepard closed her eyes, she already knew what she wanted to share, it was just a matter of clearing her mind and focusing on the particular memories she had chosen. "I'm ready."

She heard Rayna move closer, "Embrace eternity," the asari said the traditional words for initiating a meld. Shepard focused, mentally reaching out to Rayna when she felt the asari's first mental touch. It felt very similar to what she had done when she had joined minds telepathically with the rachni Queen, Shepard realized with no little surprise. Had she subconsciously been accessing the cipher then or was it just coincidence that this felt similar?

The sense of another mind touching her's abruptly disappeared, "You have your mind blocked," Rayna said sounding amazed.

Shepard opened her eyes and nodded to the asari, "That's an essential part of it, blocking off everything else except for what is to be shared. You should feel a...well a pulling sensation is the best way I can think of to describe it from the memories I have. Just allow that to pull you into my mind."

Rayna looked thoughtful, "I did feel a pulling sensation," she confirmed. She stared at the human, "I did not think that anyone but another asari could block their minds from a meld."

Shepard's lips quirked in an amused smile, "I guess that's not the case, you just have to be taught how."

"Indeed," Rayna agreed, now looking mildly amused herself, "that would seem to be the case. If we could try again, please? I believe I understand what I need to do now."

Shepard nodded, closed her eyes once again, and focused on the memory she wanted to share first, shutting out everything else. "Ready," she said and waited for the touch of Rayna's mind against her own. When she felt it she gently pulled, and then, unlike their first attempt, she felt the asari's mind readily join with her own. She turned her attention to the memory she wanted to share and they were looking at the false distress beacon with which Cerberus had lured Admiral Kahoku's men right into the middle of a thresher maw nest, her first encounter with the former black-ops Alliance organization.

From there Shepard simply followed the chronological sequence of her successive encounters, Cerberus' experiments on the rachni, Thorian creepers and husks. Her finding the body of Rear Admiral Kahoku at the same location Cerberus had been experimenting upon the rachni. The rachni soldiers had not touched him, but from the needle marks on him Cerberus had questioned him extensively before killing him and dumping his body there. Their exposure of the colonist team on Chasca to what they had thought then was geth technology to turn them into husks. Her encounter with Corporal Toombs and what he had told her about the horrific experiments Cerberus had done on him while studying thresher maw venom, and his assertion that Cerberus was the one responsible for the thresher maw attack on the colony on Akuze.

Those were her pre-death experiences with the terrorist organization, after she had shown Rayna those memories she began showing the asari exactly why she thought Cerberus and the Illusive Man couldn't be trusted now either. Why she thought the Illusive Man was purposefully keeping needed information away from the Council to keep them from properly responding to the Reaper threat, and why she thought he had an ulterior motive in sending her after the Collectors. Shepard also brought up her memory of the controlled Collector and her certainty that the Collectors were being directed by a Reaper who called itself Harbringer.

Finally Shepard made her request, she only needed the rachni to watch and listen for Cerberus, right now she only knew what the Illusive Man wanted her to know, and she didn't trust him at all. She needed to know the truth and that meant spying on the organization and intercepting their communications if possible. He was keeping an eye on the Council and Alliance, of that Shepard had no doubt. He was probably already expecting her to go to them for help and already had plans in place to deal with any such action on her part. What he hopefully wouldn't expect, or even know about if Udina had kept his mouth shut like the Council ordered him, were the rachni and Shepard's link to the rachni Queen, which made them a much better choice for Shepard to turn to for aid against him.

She was done; Shepard silently indicated to Rayna what she wished to end their meld. She could have ended it on her own by simply pushing the asari out of her mind, but that was considered rude by Lindariel. It was the mental equivalent of tossing someone out on their ass from what Shepard gathered, so she politely waited for Rayna to withdraw on her own. As soon as she felt the asari withdraw from the meld, leaving her alone in her mind once again, Shepard took a moment to rebuild her mental barriers, closing the opening she had created in them for Rayna. She had just finished rebuilding them when she happened to consider the fact that she had just created her first mental barrier last night and that it already felt natural to have them constantly in place. That was a little strange and Shepard knew her instant comfort with her new mental barriers were influenced by Lindariel's memories, but that didn't mean that it wasn't a good habit to get into now that she knew how to build and maintain them.

She opened her eyes, Rayna was staring at her, the asari's expression quite concerned and serious. "I understand why you are concerned about this organization Commander, and why you do not trust their intentions. As soon as the Queen contacts me I will take your request to her." She bowed her head for a moment and then looked back up, her expression troubled, "I will also tell her of your suspicions regarding the Collectors."

"Thank you Rayna," Shepard replied quite sincerely. She looked over at Garrus, "How long were we in the meld?" she didn't think it had been long but she wasn't sure.

"Sixteen minutes," the turian replied.

Shepard smiled, pleased, "Good, the less time we spend here the better." She turned toward Rayna, "How do you suggest we leave to draw the least amount of attention to ourselves?"

"The same way you entered, the cargo bay doors," the asari began leading them back through the ship to the cargo area. Once there she turned to Shepard, "How can I get the Queen's answer to you?"

Shepard hated doing this, but there was really only one possible answer. "If we're not here then leave a sealed message with Liara T'Soni, she was also with me when I freed the Queen. Just tell her it's for me and it's from the person we rescued on Noveria. I'll make a habit of stopping by to say hello, she can pass it on to me then."

Rayna nodded, "Very well Shepard." They turned to leave through the open door, before she could leave Rayna stopped her with a hand on her arm. "Take care of yourself," the asari said to her, "and be careful."

"I will be," she assured the worried asari, "and remember don't change your routine. Leave exactly when you intended to leave before we met."

Rayna nodded, "Do not worry, Shepard I will be careful as well."

Shepard joined Garrus and Tali on the dock, and they headed toward the police station, which was where Officer Dara had suggested they inquire next for the Justicar's specific location. Amanda's mood had lifted some from earlier. She was still sad, but she was also pleased at how the meeting with Rayna had went and the fact that she had successfully melded with the asari and passed on the information she wanted to get to the Queen. Not at all bad for her first attempt at a prothean mind to mind data exchange, Shepard thought. The three of them paused to watch as a purple hued asari in a police uniform exited the station and headed with a determined pace toward a volus with two turian guards pacing behind him.

"Where do you think you're going?" the asari halted and asked the volus sharply.

The short, rotund alien turned around, "I'm taking my goods to Omega, Detective," he responded as if that should be self evident.

The detective shook her head, "You're not going anywhere merchant," she replied firmly, "not till I solve this murder."

"I had nothing to do with that," the volus protested, "it was those mercenary thugs you can't seem to get rid of."

The asari didn't appear pleased at that comment, "The victim was your business partner and I'm not ruling you out," she coolly informed him. She pointed at him, "I'll let you know when you can leave."

"What about that Justicar that just showed up," the volus said and Shepard's interest in the conversation they were overhearing sharply increased. "Everyone says she might go crazy and just start killing. I need to leave."

The asari smirked, "She'll only kill the unjust Pitne For so I'm certain you have nothing to worry about." Shepard chuckled quietly, and decided she would probably like the detective then and there.

"I think I like that detective," Garrus commented quietly from beside her, echoing her thoughts.

"Find me in the station if you need me," the detective said to one of the volus' turian guards' right before she turned on her heel and headed back into the police station.

Shepard considered what to do, go into the police station and ask the detective for the location of the Justicar or ask around and get an idea of the situation on the docks first. Asking around won, the detective would still be there in a few moments. She eyed the volus merchant; Pitne For the detective had called him. He seemed like a likely place to start.

Her instincts were right; the merchant was a veritable font of information, about the Justicar and the murder of his partner, whom he suspected had been killed by Eclipse mercenaries. Pitne For wasn't too grieved by his partner's death, he only seemed interested in leaving as soon as possible before the mercenaries or the Justicar got too close to him.

"I would have thought he would be more concerned about his partner's murder," Tali commented disapprovingly as they approached the police station.

"Not that type," Garrus said, "thought it's interesting that he's so certain that the Eclipse mercenaries want to kill him a well as his partner. If they didn't have any reason to target his partner, why is he so convinced they are targeting him?"

"Yea, I noticed that as well," Shepard confirmed as they entered the station, "seems a bit suspicious, but I have a hard time telling whether or not a volus is telling me the truth," she admitted.

"It's that high pressure environmental suit," Garrus responded, "and the breather." Shepard nodded, that was exactly it, between the two it was hard to get a read off a volus.

"What about quarian's?" asked Tali curiously.

"Much easier," Shepard teased her, "your eyes always shine brighter when you lie," she said deadpan.

Garrus, not missing a beat, nodded, "Dead giveaway every time," he agreed.

Tali's head wiped back and forth between them, and then she protested, "They do not!" Shepard snickered at her and Garrus chuckled. Tali reached out and slapped first Garrus and then Shepard on the arm, "Boshteks!" she cursed at them, which of course only caused them to laugh harder. By now every officer in the area was watching the well armed trio, including the detective to whose desk they were slowly making their way.

"Nice guns," the detective commented dryly as they walked up to her desk, "try not to use them in my district."

Shepard's brow rose, "So long as no one shoots at me first, it shouldn't be a problem," she responded firmly.

She locked gazes with the detective for a few seconds, and then the asari sat back in her chair and nodded, "Fair enough. What can I do for you?"

Shepard sat down in the chair on the other side of the detective's desk; the nameplate on it read Detective Anaya, "I'm looking for an asari Justicar named Samara."

The detective's eyes narrowed, "If you've got a score to settle with Samara, take it somewhere else -- I've got more than enough trouble here already."

She shook her head, "Actually I just need to talk with her. I'm hoping to recruit her for a mission."

Detective Anaya eyed them curiously, "Justicars usually work alone," the purple complexioned asari said, "but they are drawn to certain causes, especially if they involve protecting the innocent or stopping an injustice, and the more difficult the better."

"Difficult," Garrus commented wryly, "we've got that covered."

"And saving many innocents," Tali added, obviously thinking of the abducted colonists.

The detective's now bemused gaze returned to Shepard, "If you're getting her out of my district, I'll get you to her ASAP. She's at the crime scene."

Shepard frowned, "You're letting her into a sealed crime scene?"

"I'm a cop," Anaya explained, "I'll work with a Justicar all I can. Besides, she's been looking at crime scenes longer than our two lifespans combined. She knows how to handle herself."

Well put that way it did make sense, there was something else though, especially given the detectives otherwise respectful attitude toward the Justicar. "You're awfully anxious to get Samara out of your district," Shepard noted.

The asari grimaced, "My bosses want me to detain her," she admitted. "They're worried she'll cause some kind of cross-species incident," the detective explained, "but her code won't let her be taken into custody. If I try it, she'll have to kill me. I have no interest in dying, so if you lure her away with some big noble cause before I have to carry out my orders, I'm thrilled to help you."

Shepard frowned, "Samara would kill a cop? That doesn't sound very just."

The detective shook her head. "She would die defending an honest cop," the asari said, "but she would fight an army of dirty cops to the death. I admire her dedication, but her presence is still a big problem. I need her gone before I have to carry out my orders."

Hmm so detaining the Justicar would automatically shift the detective into the dirty cop category, interesting, Shepard thought. "Your superiors are sending you to certain death for no good reason; you have a right to disobey."

Garrus immediately quipped from behind her, "We can disobey suicidal orders? Why wasn't I told?"

"That's at least twice a day," Tali chimed in, joining Garrus in the peanut gallery.

Despite the terrible timing, Shepard had to smirk, "When exactly have I given unnecessary orders, and when have I not been out front leading you personally?"

"Never, Shepard," Garrus replied, his tone fond.

"Which is not what the detective's superiors are doing," Shepard finally made her point.

"I'm a cop and I know my duty," Anaya responded with a frown, glancing between the three of them. "I've been ordered to detain her and I will – unless I can get her to leave my district first."

Curious, Shepard asked, "What do you think of Samara herself?" She would like to get some sense of the asari before she tried to recruit her...if she decided to recruit her; this code was starting to sound like it might be a problem. Not that she might disagree with what the Justicar wanted to do, but in that it might obligate the asari to act in situations better left alone. Omega and her tentative live and let live policy with Aria T'Loak came immediately to mind as an example.

"She's been a Justicar for three of your life spans," Shepard barely stopped herself from quipping 'which one?' thankfully the detective didn't seem to notice her amusement, "Whoever she was before she swore that oath, that person is dead."

That was an interesting statement, and Shepard wondered how much truth was in it and how much was just a romanticized notion. She commented, "People seem nervous about Samara's presence."

"Asari admire Justicars," Anaya explained in a serious tone, "but we also know that they will kill without mercy when they find corruption. And Justicars never leave asari space. Why is she here? I doubt it's to investigate the murder of some corrupt volus."

Shepard doubted it too; undoubtedly the volus had come to Samara's attention as part of whatever she was actually investigating. Certainly she had gotten involved in all types of strange little side issues while pursuing Saren. People had probably wondered why a Spectre was involved with such trivial investigations back then too. Helping Ginanna Parasini nail Administrator Anolaeus came to mind as an issue that a Spectre would not normally be interested in, and she hadn't really been interested except as something that should be done while she was there and able to help. She had just needed a damn garage pass. Amusingly enough, if the officious salarian had just given it to her she would have probably never gotten involved with Parasini's investigation of him because she would have never even been aware of it.

With a few more questions to the detective, Shepard had the information she needed about the local Eclipse mercenaries. They were involved in smuggling red sand, trading illegal weapons tech and smuggling criminals off world, seemed fairly standard for what she had seen of the mercenary group already. Certainly not much different from what she had seen on Omega, except for the smuggling criminals' part, that was hardly needed on Omega. As for the murdered volus, the detective seemed just as sure as Pitne For that it had been an Eclipse hit. As for why, Anaya wasn't entirely sure and she didn't have any proof to support her suspicion...

Shepard rose from the chair, ready to leave, "How do I get to the crime scene?" she asked.

"It's around the corner – go outside, take a left. Look for the police line. I'll send word to let you in," the detective replied, looking relieved, "be careful, the local Eclipse mercs have been all over those back alleys lately."

"It sounds like we'd better find Samara before the detective goes after her," Garrus commented as they left the station. Shepard agreed.

The asari officer at the police line waved them through with a friendly warning, "Watch yourself, there's merc activity back here. We're waiting on backup."

The officer hadn't been exaggerating; they hadn't gone very far at all before they heard a female voice say, "Get the rest of bravo squad prepped. Alpha squad went after that Justicar twenty minutes ago, and they've gone dark." Shepard moved into cover, she glanced behind her, Garrus and Tali had found cover as well. It was one of the reasons she liked having them with her, the three of them worked together well without needing a lot of direction from her. She began to move forward, going from cover to cover, until she reached the corner where the alleyway took a turn around a building. She could hear the mercenaries moving around now and talking among themselves along with the metallic clanking sound of mech footsteps. They weren't making any effort to be quiet.

She glanced quickly around the corner, as with the alleyway they were in now, there was plenty of cover. She stood up and walked around the corner and stared at the two asari mercs accompanied by three mechs, not making any move yet toward her weapons. She was only a few feet away from a handy crate to duck behind.

It took a few seconds before one of the asari's in Eclipse armor looked up and finally noticed her. The asari's expression was one of surprise at first as the two of them simply stared at one another. That didn't last long however, as the merc's expression quickly shifted to anger, "A human, open fire!" she yelled. Shepard was already behind the crate she had decided upon earlier, her pistol drawn, that seemed like enough intent to fulfill her promise to the detective not to use her weapons unless fired upon first.

While Garrus and Tali returned the mercenaries fire from nearby cover, Shepard concentrated on building a mass effect field. When she was ready she stood up, trusting her shields to stop any weapons fire, and gestured forcefully with her arm. The motion focused her mind on the effect she wanted, which was to shape the mass effect field she had gathered into a wave form and then start it moving in a powerful undulating shockwave down the corridor. The rhythmic booming of the biotic wave as it swept down the enclosed space of the alleyway seemed very loud. It slammed into the crates and containers in its path, knocking them askew and sending the mercenaries and mechs crouched or standing behind them flying several feet through the air to land sprawled on the hard floor. Garrus and Tali lost no time in taking advantage of the resulting disarray, killing several of them before they could scramble back into cover.

Shepard's eyes widened in pleased surprise, she hadn't quite expected that, her biotic wave seemed stronger or at least more coherent than usual even allowing for her new amp and increased biotic abilities. Well...her biotic teachers had always said that a focused mind could do more with the same mass effect field than an unfocused one and she had certainly been working on focusing herself this morning. If she was right, it was an unexpected benefit from her efforts. Shepard popped up out of cover, taking aim with her pistol and firing at the last remaining Eclipse mercenary. It was a clean head shot, the asari went down immediately. The three of them continued up the alleyway, turned another corner and then went through another doorway, somewhere ahead they should find the Justicar.

An incoming scream and then an Eclipse armored asari impacting forcefully against the wall only a few feet away from them was their first indication that they had walked into someone else's altercation with the Eclipse mercenaries. The asari who had flown into the wall was clearly dead by the time her body fell to the floor. Shepard quickly looked upward in the direction from which the Eclipse mercenary had come; she needed to figure out whether or not whatever fight they had just walked into endangered her team. There was some type of glassed in overlook one floor up and on the right wall, Shepard could see another asari in Eclipse armor in the overlook with her back towards them. The mercenary's pistol was out and pointed toward someone else who was in there with her. Shepard couldn't see who it was from the ground. "Those were my best troops," she heard the Eclipse merc said in a high, nervous sounding voice.

A different female voice, serenely calm and commanding, responded, "Tell me what I need to know and I will be gone from here. Where did you send her?" Shepard's eyebrow rose, if that was the Justicar they were looking for she certainly sounded like someone to take seriously.

"You think I'd betray her?" the Eclipse mercenary's voice said in a rising, frightened tone, "She would hurt me in ways you can't imagine."

"The name of the ship, your life hangs in the balance Lieutenant," the calmer, more mature voice now had an edge to it that it hadn't before.

"You can kill me, but one of us will take you down Justicar," the merc's words were pure empty bravado and the confirmation Shepard had been looking for; the calmer voice was the Justicar they were searching for, Samara. Shepard also guessed that wasn't going to be the answer the Justicar wanted.

A moment later there was another scream, breaking glass, and then another flying Eclipse armor clad body. No, that hadn't been the answer the Justicar wanted. Damn, and she thought her interrogations were sometimes a little on the rough side when she implied that she might throw someone around, Shepard thought to herself. A figure, lit in the bluish glow of a mass effect field appeared above them, standing for a moment at the edge of the broken overlook window before the Justicar leaped from it, using her mass effect field to control her descent. It was an impressive use of biotics, and one not often seen, for the focus and control it required was difficult to master.

"Keelah," Tali exclaimed softly as the bluish-white glowing asari landed gracefully on ground twenty-five to thirty feet away from them.

The red clad Justicar strode over towards the fallen Eclipse Lieutenant and Shepard frowned, remembering what the police detective had said, somehow she didn't think this would end without Samara killing the wounded merc unless the asari answered the Justicar's question. And if they tried to stop her from killing the merc, Samara would probably be obliged to fight them. Still it wasn't as if the Eclipse Lieutenant was an innocent, Shepard reminded herself. The asari couldn't have risen that high within the Eclipse ranks without being neck deep in killings and other illegal activities.

"What was the name of the ship she left on," Samara demanded once again when she was standing above the Eclipse merc. At least that's where Shepard thought the Justicar was standing; the asari on the ground was hidden behind several containers. All she could see was the Justicar from the hips upwards.

"Go to hell," was the strangled sounding response. Shepard grimaced and shook her head; all that was left was exactly how the Justicar was going to kill the other asari.

The Justicar stared down at the Eclipse mercenary for a moment longer, and then she said with finality in her tone, "Find peace in the embrace of the Goddess." The Justicar's hips twisted and there was a sickening crunch, accompanied by a cut off groan. Shepard's eyes widened as she realized the Justicar had just broken the other asari's neck with her foot. Ok, that was a bit weird, but she supposed it was less messy than a close range shot to the head.

The Justicar's confrontation with the Eclipse mercenary over, Shepard began walking toward the asari who was still staring down at the body of the other asari she had just killed. The Justicar's head turned just slightly and she glanced at them out of the corner of her eye, then she stepped back and turned to face them. Shepard couldn't help but notice that the asari's pale blue eyes were almost the exact shade as her skin tone. It was unusual and striking. Angular metallic symbols in the same red as the Justicar's armor adorned her forehead, their shape reminding Shepard of the ornate headdress Matriarch Benezia had worn. Shepard suspected they were the Justicar's equivalent of the symbols of service to Athame, the asari Goddess. The Justicar had a strong, almost square face, and was undeniably attractive, as were most asari.

"My name is Samara, a servant of the Justicar Code," the asari in a calm, almost melodious tone as she approached them, "My quarrel is with these Eclipse sisters, but I see three well armed people before me." She stopped a few feet from them, and Shepard added that adjective regal to all the rest, the Justicar was definitely one of the more regal women she had ever met. "Are we friend? Or foe?" Samara asked her.

Shepard's brow rose, it was interesting question considering everything they had just seen, "Commander Amanda Shepard, Council Spectre," she introduced herself, "Garrus Vakarian and Tali'Zorah vas Neema, members of my crew. As for your question, we are not foes, but I'm not in the habit of naming someone I've just met a friend either. I'd say that perhaps we are potential friends depending on how things turn out."

Shepard thought there was the slightest curious tilt to Samara's head; otherwise it was hard to read the Justicar. "Commander Shepard," the asari said, and Shepard could tell that much from the slight change in Samara's tone that the asari recognized her name, not surprising after the Citadel battle, "How may I be of service to you?"

She didn't immediately answer, instead glancing over at the dead Eclipse mercenary for a second before turning back to Samara, "I don't know much about the Justicar Code. It seems rather strict and it seems to require you to kill in circumstances that I can't say I would necessarily make the same decision." Shepard's tone was even as she made her comment and then she waited, very interested what the Justicar's response would be.

She was definitely starting to worry that the Justicar's code might mean that this was a fool's errand and it might be best if Samara just didn't join them. The possibility for mayhem between Samara and Jack, Samara and Miranda, Samara and Grunt, Samar and Zaeed... Goddess it gave her a headache just thinking about the numerous potential conflicts if Samara's code forced her to kill whenever she had proof that someone was a criminal. And to think just yesterday she had thought having a Justicar along for the mission was a wonderful idea. Perhaps she was wrong though, and this code wasn't as strict as nearly every asari they had met today was making it sound, because it would be nice to have someone else besides Tali and Garrus she could trust with her back. Shepard really did want to be wrong, because after meeting Samara her first impression was that she could trust the Justicar as much as she had first hoped she could when she read the asari's dossier and after she had spoken to Shiala.

Light grey eyes met pale blue ones; neither woman's gaze flinched from the others. Shepard knew the asari was taking her measure, and she was determined that Samara's first impression be that she was to be taken seriously no matter how many hundreds of years the Justicar had on her. After a moment Samara responded, "I answer to a code that is clearly defined. If my actions are true to that code, I am just. If they are not, I am unjust. I don't pretend that it is a simple matter or that it seems right to everyone. But I sleep well at night, and that is more than most can say."

Shepard's expression darkened as the asari's words hit home, "Sometimes Justicar, the things which haunt your dreams and wake you in the middle of the night are not your own actions but the evil which has been done to others," the Spectre's tone deepened and firmed with unyielding resolve, "and which must not be permitted to happen again." Shepard didn't know what her expression looked like then but it must have been fairly severe for the asari's pale blue eyes widened in the first show of obvious emotion she had seen from the Justicar.

"This is why you have sought me out, you seek my aid against this evil," the Samara stated, staring at her intently.

Well Shepard hadn't expected the asari to be anything other than very intelligent, "Over a million human colonists have been abducted by the Collectors," she said, "Men, women, children… they were paralyzed and taken alive in some type of stasis tubes." Samara's eyes were narrowed, she looked disturbed at this news, and little wonder that she was there weren't many good conclusions to be drawn from it. Shepard continued, "We have no idea why or what the Collectors plan on doing with them or even if they're still alive. I plan on finding out, and if the colonists are alive rescuing them. And then I plan on destroying the Collectors after I find out who they're really working for because I have reason to believe that an even greater threat to all our people's safety hides behind the Collectors directing their actions."

"I sense the truth in your words and they trouble me greatly," the asari's expression mirrored her words, a frown turning down the corners of her mouth. "I would like to join you in your mission Shepard, but I am already sworn to seek an incredibly dangerous fugitive," she said regretfully. The Justicar turned and walked toward the Eclipse mercenary she had killed, staring down at the body, "I cornered her here, but the Eclipse sisters smuggled her off world. I must find the name of the ship she left on before the trail grows cold." Shepard sighed in resignation, a prior duty; well she certainly understood that, one did not stop doing one's duty just because a more interesting offer came along.

"I wish you were willing to go with the human Justicar," Detective Anaya walked up, coming from the direction of the station. "I've been ordered to take you into custody if you won't leave." Obviously she hadn't been able to stall her superiors any longer, and this could quickly turn into a thorny problem if the Justicar got into an altercation with the local police. As far as Shepard was concerned, the only ones at fault in this situation were the detective's superiors.

The detective stopped beside Shepard and Samara walked up to them, "You risk a great deal by following your orders Detective," the Justicar said to the other asari, "Fortunately, I will not have to resist." Shepard let out an inaudible breath in relief; well that was one worry out of the way. A brief flicker of pale blue eyes and the briefest slight curve of amused lips let her know that she hadn't been a discrete in her reaction as she had thought. The amusement did surprise her; Shepard would have thought the Justicar would be annoyed at her for even thinking of interfering. "My code obligates me to cooperate with you for one day," Samara continued, "After that, I must return to my investigation."

"I won't be able to release you that soon," the detective replied.

"You won't be able to stop me," the Justicar stated. Samara sounded very certain of herself, and Shepard had to wonder exactly how good the Justicar was, what she had already seen indicated that the asari was very skilled with her biotics. Certainly Justicars had reputations as being deadly fighters.

Shepard thought she knew what was going on, but it was best to be sure, "The human is a little lost here, can one of you clarify what just happened?"

Both asari looked at her, the detective was the first to respond, "I was trying to convince her to leave with you. But Justicars and their Code..."

"The detective had been ordered to detain me; I can't force her to disobey an order," Samara added to the detective's explanation.

"So after a day you fight your way out of custody, killing anyone in your way?" Garrus inquired, his tone carrying a hit of disapproval that did not surprise Shepard.

She saw both asari glance over at him. Shepard could tell the detective was curious, as for Samara, the way the Justicar kept her serene exterior was admirable, she couldn't really tell what the Justicar thought about it. "Former C-Sec," Shepard explained succinctly.

Samara's eyes glanced briefly her way before she answered him, "Yes, I am afraid so."

Shepard frowned, "There must be some way to work this out without any bloodshed or broken bones on anyone's part."

"I see a way," Samara responded, looking at Shepard, "While I am in custody, you find the name of that ship. Do that and I will join you. Then the Code will be satisfied."

"Huh?" Shepard uttered, bemused, "A moment ago, you refused to give up your investigation, but now you'll join me?"

Samara lowed her gaze for a brief moment, an expression of regret crossing her features, "If I stay, I will be compelled to kill many innocents to escape incarceration."

"Like me," the detective noted, and Shepard inclined her head in agreement.

"I may be killed," Samara continued, "and my quarry would be free to continue murdering. If I come with you and survive your mission, I can resume my investigation. To do that I need the ship's name to track her to her next hiding place. It is a simple choice."

"Makes sense," Tali commented, and Shepard agreed, it did make sense. Not to mention the fact that it conveniently gave the Justicar a legitimate reason to do what she had been interested in doing in the first place but couldn't due to her prior commitment. Which was joining them in their mission against the Collectors; it had clearly intrigued her earlier.

"I can make a guess where Eclipse would smuggle her to..." Shepard commented dryly. Samara eyed her questioningly. "Omega," she and Garrus said nearly simultaneously. The two of them looked at each other and smiled wryly, it was the obvious choice from Illium for an asari criminal to go to hide. She turned back to Samara, "But I'll get you the name of that ship just to confirm it." And what the hell, she had helped Jacob and Miranda already and EDI was still keeping an eye out for Vido to pop up for Zaeed. Smart bastard hadn't yet though. "If it doesn't interfere with the mission, I'll help you track down your fugitive once you know for certain where she went to ground." Shepard looked at the Justicar, her mood becoming more serious, "If we can come to an agreement about you're joining us that is, I admit I may have been premature in asking you. I need to know a little more about your Justicar Code before deciding either way; it seems quite strict in dictating your actions in any given situation."

"It may seem so to you, but this is my oath," Samara explained, "The expedient path may be fast and simple; that does not make it the right path."

It was terrible, that truly incredulous moment when Helena Blake informed her that she had become a social worker just popped up in her mind in response to the Justicar's little lecture like some little mischievous imp determined to get her into trouble. Shepard coughed to cover a laugh, but a slight narrowing of the Justicar's eyes indicated that she might not have been as adroit in hiding it as she would have wished. "True enough, she said, hoping to smooth things over, "I usually only choose fast and simple when people are shooting at me. Otherwise I usually go with either the best tactical answer or with my gut instinct about what's the most right thing to do in any given situation."

Samara stared at her for a long moment, looking thoughtful at her response. As if something the Commander had said had been particularly interesting, though Shepard couldn't fathom what that could be, her response had been fairly straightforward she thought. "Could you tell me something more about Justicars?" Shepard asked her.

Samara replied, "We are individuals, who have foresworn family, children and worldly possessions aside from some weapons and armor. We travel asari space righting wrongs, as defined by the ancient code we have each memorized."

Shepard frowned, "Illium may be dominated by asari, but it isn't in asari space."

"My quarry fled to this place. I am sworn to hunt her down, and I will follow anywhere she goes. It is rare for a Justicar to leave asari space, but I must follow my oath. If I suffer for it, I will accept that," Samara responded, her tone firm.

Shepard understood duty and suffering for it, but this was a perfect lead in for her to express why she was worried about Samara joining them. "I have to admit I'm concerned about you going outside of asari space and trying to apply the dictates of the code to other races while a member of my crew, and I'm worried about how you will relate to the other crewmembers. A few of them have pasts you might disagree with, and some have political views you might find objectionable, but all of them have agreed to follow my rules and obey my orders while they're on this mission." Shepard looked directly into the Justicar's pale blue eyes, "There cannot be two Commanders giving orders."

Samara stared right back at her, "You are concerned that my Code will cause me to come into conflict with your crew and with you?" she inquired calmly, her tone curious. Shepard was starting to wonder if the Justicar was ever not calm and if so exactly what situation it would take to disturb her. Lindariel would have really liked this Justicar, the distracting thought floated through Shepard's mind.

Shepard forced herself to focus so that she could answer Samara's question. She shrugged, "I'm less concerned with the possibility of the issue being with me personally, than with you dragging us into situations where it might be a better tactical decision to leave the situation alone for now. For instance, if we stop on Omega, you can't decide to clean up the corruption there no matter how much I'd love to let you loose on it and even jump in and help you." Was it her imagination or did she actually see the Justicar's lips twitch slightly in amusement at that? "For one, we simply don't have the time, and two, I really don't feel like breaking Aria's one rule right now because we may need her goodwill later." She sighed and admitted in a quick mumble," Plus for some odd reason I actually sorta like her and she's not that bad considering, so I'd rather not fight her if she doesn't force me into it."

"Also," she said in a louder tone and quickly changing the subject before anyone could comment on what she had just admitted, "If this had been a human world instead of an asari dominated one, killing that asari once she was no longer an active threat to you would be classified as murder. By standing by and letting it happen without making an attempt to stop you, Garrus, Tali, and I would now be accessories to murder. I'm not saying a similar situation is likely to come up again but..."

Samara held up a hand, stopping her, "I am familiar with the basics of human law, and I already know that I will have to swear the Third Oath of Subsumation to you so that your orders will come before the code. I believe that will suffice to answer your concerns?"

Shepard was surprised, she hadn't heard of such a thing, but then it didn't sound like this third oath was very common. "It certainly sounds like it," she agreed, letting herself relax a little and to feel a renewed sense of optimism now that the issue was settled. "So, do you have any leads?" she asked Samara.

"The volus merchant, Pitne For, is tied to this, Eclipse merc are preparing to kill him, "the Justicar walked toward her. A few more steps, and became was clear she wished to move past Shepard, the Commander stepped back allowing Samara to pass. "Get the truth out of him; he may know a way into the Eclipse base."

"Well," Detective Anaya spoke up, "I've got to get back to my station," she looked over at Samara, "And I guess I've got to take you with me."

Samara nodded to her, the Justicar's gaze turned toward the Commander, "Thank you, Shepard," she said before turning to go with the detective.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The Mass Effect universe is the property of Bioware/Electronic Arts. No infringement of these copyrights is intended as this is a not for profit fan fiction work.
> 
> Warning: none
> 
> Notes: This is inspired by the Beyonce song "Save the Hero," from the album I am…Sasha Fierce. This is an Alternate Universe story.
> 
> Rating: Teen
> 
> Feedback: Always welcome, feedback is what encourages me to keep writing. Please let me know what you like and what you dislike about the story.
> 
> Errors and Corrections: Yes, please let me know about any errors you see so that I can correct them. This is un-beta'ed so it probably has a few.
> 
> Revision History: 04/10/2010; 05/29/2010; 07/27/2010

**Illium – Nos Astra Commercial Spaceport**

It had taken only a little bit of appealing to Pitne For's own self interest and a little bit of implying that things might get violent if he didn't cooperate to get the volus merchant to tell her what she needed to know. She knew it was mostly his terror that he was about to be killed by either the Eclipse or Samara that had been the most help, he had caved with what was actually very little effort on her part. He had smuggled a chemical onto Illium that boosted biotic powers in combat, and then he had sold it to the Eclipse mercenaries. Unfortunately it also happened to be toxic, a fact he had neglected to mention to them. Unsurprisingly, they were now rather angry with him and his entire party, which was why they had killed his partner and why they wanted to kill him as well.

After warning her that each Eclipse sister committed a murder to earn their uniform, Pitne For handed over a copy of a pass code that the mercenaries had given him so that he could deliver supplies. Now they had the location of the Eclipse base of operations on Illium. Hopefully both Samara and Pitne For were right, and they would be able to find a record of the mercenaries' people smuggling operations there.

The three of them entered the Eclipse base to find one lone mech guarding the entrance; they didn't even give it the opportunity to come fully online before it was lying in pieces on the floor. They had caught the mercenaries by surprise, that much was clear for they faced only sporadic and disorganized resistance as they made their way through the base. Shepard kept her small team moving, knowing that was the best way to make sure the mercenaries didn't have a chance to organize a counter-attack. Of course one decent leader among them could get them straightened out to present a challenge, so Shepard stayed alert and cautious as they entered each new area watchful for any signs of ambush or a well lead counter-attack.

"Oh Goddess," the whispered words drew Shepard's attention as she passed a doorway, "Oh Goddess, don't let them see me. If they do see me, don't let them kill me. What am I doing here?"

Shepard shook her head, some young and stupid asari maiden joining a merc band because they thought it was cool and made them look tough. She had overheard one young asari in the transportation hub standing around talking to her salarian friend; she had just left home and was talking about joining the Eclipse because she thought it would get her more lovers. Personally, Shepard couldn't understand why joining a group known for their illegal activities and murderous ways seemed to be some type of status symbol among the young asari. Joining the asari commandos and protecting your home or joining the asari Naval Defense and defending asari space and the Citadel, now those were choices she could understand, but a mercenary band known for its illegal activities? What a waste of a few hundred years of their lives, contributing to the misery and exploitation of others instead of doing something more useful with their time.

Still the young sounding asari in this room praying to the Goddess to be spared sounded like she was dearly regretting her choice. Shepard nodded, her mind made up, if it didn't endanger her team, she wouldn't kill this youngster. She smiled wryly, the young merc probably had several decades on her, but still, so many of the asari maidens she had seen on Illium seemed very immature to her. Liara was young, but she had never acted as young as some of the asari Shepard had observed here. Of course, in all fairness Mindor had made her grow up very quickly. She had thought when she was younger how immature those of her own age seemed to her back then, little wonder that some of these young asari, who essentially acted the same way, still seemed immature to her now.

She triggered the door, it looked like an office. There weren't any places for someone to hide besides the other side of the desk where she could just see the barrel of a pistol lying on the tiles of the floor. She took a few more steps into the room, Garrus and Tali following her, to verify her first impression. She had been right; the desk was the only thing in the entire room that anyone could possibly hide behind.

She pulled her pistol, "Come out with your hands where I can see them now!" she ordered.

"Wait, stop," a young asari, with medium blue skin and green eyes popped up from behind the desk, "I didn't fire my weapon once! I pretended to because the other Eclipse sisters were watching, but I didn't really shoot!" Only one of her hands was raised and she was a poor liar. Foolish, immature, selfish, Lindariel had seen a few youngsters such as this one during her many years of teaching, Shepard remembered. Uncaring of anything but themselves or the repercussions of their actions until they got into trouble and then all they could think about was how to get out of being punished.

The asari maiden eyed the gun still pointed at her nervously, "I'm not one of them!" she tried again, "I'm new! I thought being Elnora the mercenary would be cool... but I didn't know what they were really like!"

Shepard's eyes narrowed, "I told you to raise both hands to where I can see them," she commanded, not really noticing that her voice had taken on just a shade of the Elder Instructor's stern tonality.

Elnora's eyes widened, she made an odd surprised gulping sound and, as Shepard had ordered, raised both her hands. "Garrus, take her weapons," Shepard ordered the turian, keeping her eye and her pistol unwaveringly upon the young asari. Being the experienced former C-Sec officer that he was, Garrus was careful not to block either Shepard or Tali as he moved over to the asari, kicked the pistol further away and then removed the automatic pistol from the weapons pack on the asari's back. He then stepped well away from her before kneeling and picking up the pistol from the floor.

Now Shepard relaxed and lowered her pistol, though she didn't holster it, she had no idea if the asari was skilled in biotics or not. She stared coolly at the asari, "So, what do they do here that you don't like Elnora?"

The asari looked around at the three of them uncertainly before answering, "I thought we'd be flying around the galaxy shooting up bad guys and stuff, right? But no, they just smuggle red sand and sell illegal weapons tech. They even smuggled and Ardat-Yakshi off world," the asari's lowered her voice on the last and sounded afraid. Interesting, Shepard thought, she bet this was the criminal Samara was after, though she had no idea why the special name. She suspected Elnora had known some of what the Eclipse did before she joined, but that she hadn't found it nearly as exciting as she had hoped. She did seem however, to be honestly dismayed that they had smuggled away this Ardat-Yakshi.

"What does that mean?" Shepard asked, "Ardat-Yakshi?"

"It's an ancient asari word for something that..." Elnora paused for a moment before admitting, "I thought was just superstition until now. It means demon of the night winds. I didn't think they were real, but the boss said this scary lady was one."

Shepard would bet she was actually seeing the real Elnora right now and she wasn't nearly as ingénue as she wanted them to believe. "What ship did they use for the smuggling?" she asked her next question.

Elnora looked off to the side for a moment, "Wow! I have no idea! It was a few days ago and like I said I'm new. They didn't tell me anything."

Shepard almost winced at the asari's second attempt at being an actress, she was atrocious. Her body language, her word choices, her voice, they all changed. Madame LaCroix would have thrown up her hands exclaimed, "Dieu, qu'ai je fait pour cela méritent?" Asking God what had she done to deserve this?

"Well Elnora, I'm not convinced that you're telling me the truth. In fact, right now I'm convinced of entirely the opposite. That you're lying to me." The asari froze, her eyes darting around, undoubtedly looking for a way to escape. Shepard continued, "However. I have no proof either way." Before Elnora could relax too much she added, "Yet."

"But I told you..." the young asari tried again.

Shepard simply raised her voice, "So here's what we're going to do. You're going to stay here until we come back this way and if I find no evidence that you're lying, I'll let you go."

Elnora looked relieved for a moment until it struck her that there was another possibility, "And if you do? I mean not that you will," she rapidly backtracked, "because like I said I didn't do anything."

"If I do, we'll be paying a visit to the local police," Shepard informed her. She could see the asari's figure tense, and her green eyes dart to the door behind them, the young asari thought she would find something to prove her guilt. "You won't get more than a few steps," she said coldly. Elnora stared at her startled, then shrunk into herself, lowering her eyes.

Shepard stared at the young asari for a moment later then, over her shoulder said, "Tali, Garrus disable this," she pointed to the computer in the room. She didn't want Elnora using it to call for help.

It only took them about a minute, "It's done," Tali announced as she and Garrus turned around.

"Let's go," Shepard jerked her head toward the door, and the three of them backed out, leaving Elnora standing there staring after them. She looked frightened. "Don't worry someone will be back for you, if not us then the police," Shepard said to her. For some reason that didn't seem to reassure the asari and Shepard had to smirk in amusement as the door closed sealing Elnora inside.

She activated her omni-tool while Garrus and Tali encrypted the door lock, and sent a quick message to Detective Anaya with Elnora's location and the passcode to unseal the door. If something happened, she didn't want the young asari to die in there. Omega and the plague district were still too clear within her mind, especially the diary of the batarian the Blue Suns had locked in his apartment to starve to death.

They continued to fight their way through the Eclipse base, still facing only sporadic opposition from the Eclipse mercenaries. The main thing that changed was the fact that the asari they were facing seemed better trained, and equipped with better weapons. Obviously Elnora had snuck away from one of the earlier groups they had faced; those had been teams of inexperienced mercs lead by a more experienced one. Now they were meeting up with groups of more experienced mercenaries, necessitating a slower and more cautious advance.

Finally they came across a data terminal, it didn't take long for Shepard to find the information she was looking for. "Well its official – little baby Elnora is finally a full-fledged Eclipse merc. I earned my uniform last night when I killed that ridiculous volus. Up close, exploding rounds. Blew the little bastards suit wide open! Hah!" Shepard shook her head in dismay. Well she had known the young mercenary had been lying to her, but she hadn't quite expected to hear something like this. "I can't wait to see some real action!" Shepard's eyebrow rose as the entry continued, "Next time I go home, my friends are going to be so jealous!"

"So she's the one who killed Dakni Kur," Tali commented, "I guess we will be taking her with us when we leave."

"Yes we will," Shepard confirmed her jaw hardening. Elnora could see how jealous her friends were of her sitting in jail for murder. "While I keep watch, could you two search for more information on Elnora as well as any information on the volus she killed?" There was something here that just didn't seem to fit, the young asari was a pitiful actress and this recording…well the two just weren't fitting together for her.

"This is interesting," Garrus said, "Pitne For wasn't joking about that chemical being toxic, it killed three Eclipse mercs when they first tried using it, that's how they figured out what he and his trade group had actually sold them."

"So the killing was in retaliation?" Shepard commented, coming over to look at the data herself. The local Eclipse leader, Captain Wasea, had some of the newest recruits try out the Miragen X first; she hadn't wanted to risk her more experienced mercenaries just in case something went wrong. Shepard shook her head, so much for mercenary sisterhood.

"It seems so," Garrus confirmed, "and they were definitely planning on killing him next. There may also be another member of his trade group, Niftu Cal, here." Garrus looked up from the data display, "There's mention of them capturing him and forcing him to take the chemical, but no mention of it killing him so he may still be alive."

Shepard frowned, "We haven't run across him yet. Perhaps we'll find him further into the base. Let's move out."

They continued forward, everything was going well until they came to an open area where there was a walkway between two different buildings. That's when the gunship showed up; all three of them immediately dove for cover. Shepard holstered her pistol and reached back and unslung the Collector heavy weapon they had found on Horizon. It fired a concentrated energy beam, perfect for drilling holes through heavy armor. The trick of course, was not to get killed by the gunships machine guns or rockets while firing it.

Three minutes later, as she lay on the floor with ears still ringing from the last desperate rocket barrage by the gunship, Shepard was only too happy to place the credit for her relatively undamaged state in Miranda's hands. She wasn't sure if she would have been able to take the gunship down without any serious injury to anyone before her death. Quicker reflexes, speed, and barriers sure helped a lot when dodging a gunship's weapons.

In the next area, a data pad lying on one of the consoles caught Shepard's eye. She picked it up and scanned through the information, "This is a shipping manifest," she shared as soon as she realized what she held in her hands, "It shows that Pitne For sold 2000 units of Miragen X to the Eclipse along with 600 units of red sand."

Tali commented, "This isn't the information Samara needs, but it does implicate the volus. I suspect the detective would be interested in seeing this."

Shepard nodded, "In more than just selling illegal chemicals," she added, "it also implicates him in the deaths of those three Eclipse sisters. This should be enough for the detective to do more than just slap some fines on him," she said with satisfaction.

"They're killers, Shepard," Garrus said to her in an annoyed tone, "do we really care?"

Shepard frowned at the turian; this was a prime example of why she was deeply worried about him. Sidonis' betrayal had hurt and angered him in so many different ways. Sidonis had not only personally betrayed Garrus, but the turian had betrayed turian cultural values at a very basic level. Turian honor mean that one placed societies and one's unit's needs above one's personal needs. By betraying Garrus' unit, Sidonis had not only betrayed Garrus and the members of his team but every deeply held turian value Garrus had as well. It had made him bitter and he seemed to have completely forgotten their conversations about doing what was right whenever possible and had backslid into making the most expedient choices. Not necessarily bad ones, but more like when he had shot Fist's thug who was holding Dr. Chloe Michel hostage without considering the fact that she could have been hurt. He wasn't thinking past the immediate action to the possible future consequences of it.

"I care," Shepard stated, staring into his eyes, "Pitne For does not deserve to get away with killing those asari simply because they were Eclipse mercenaries." she stated forcefully.

"We're killing Eclipse mercenaries, how is it any different?" he challenged her.

Shepard stared at him for a second, "From what standpoint?" she asked, "From a moral one I'll grant you it's not very different at all, but at least their firing at us and we're firing back instead of us selling them a poison and not mentioning it. Do you feel we are murderers? If so we'll stop and go back and tell Samara we're sorry, but we can't do this." She didn't look like she was kidding.

"What?" his mandibles flared in astonishment, "No!"

She stared at him for a moment longer, trying to figure out what she wanted to say. "Garrus you know my position about following local law whenever possible, and by asari law this is perfectly legal since we're assisting the local law enforcement with an ongoing investigation. Besides, for a race that's known for their diplomacy and following the middle path, asari laws are pretty black and white when you come right down to it; you're either on the right side or the wrong side of the law."

And they're on the wrong side," he pointed out, sounding frustrated.

"And so is Pitne For," Shepard replied, keeping her tone calm and even with some effort. She couldn't understand why he was arguing with her; surely he saw that just because they were Eclipse sisters, the volus merchant didn't deserve to get away with selling them a toxic chemical that killed several of them.

Garrus sighed, "You're right, he is." He turned and stared up the hallway, "Shouldn't we move on?"

Shepard stared at him frustrated, what the hell was up with him? She shook her head, he was already just agreeing with her to keep the peace between them. Pushing at him even more wouldn't help any. The most she could hope was that he would actually think about it. "Alright." Damn it she didn't need any more drama today; she had enough with her own. She felt a sudden flare of painful emotion, and hesitated for just a second, this wasn't the time for this. Determinedly she pushed it back down and took up her usual forward position. Focus on the mission.

They went through the next door, and then came to an abrupt halt. At the end of the short hallway there stood a volus with his back to them standing in front of a vending machine.

"Niftu Cal?" hazarded Garrus.

Shepard nodded, "Unless there's another volus running around in here." They walked toward the short rotund figure in the environmental suit and stopped a few feet away, apparently he hadn't heard them talking. The volus turned around and took a few steps forward, and ran right into Shepard as she stared down at him incredulously. He literally bounced back and then almost fell down, she shook her head.

"I am a biotic god!" the volus declared, Shepard would have laughed if she hadn't been so surprised at the small mass effect field that lit up around him. "I think things -- and they happen!" He walked forward, and not wanting to be run into again Shepard stepped hastily out of his way. "Fear me lesser creatures, for I am biotics made flesh!" he declared dramatically.

Shepard stared at him, so this was the effect of Miragen X3 on volus, "You need help."

The volus shook his head, "You need help! You stand before the mightiest biotic ever!" Shepard's brow rose at this, from the size of the mass effect field he was briefly able to manage that was hardly a true statement. "Yes, the asari injecting so many drugs into me was terrifying," he continued, "but then I began to smell my greatness." It actually took a second before it registered… and as down as she had been feeling just a moment before, some things were amusing enough to overcome almost everything. Shepard couldn't help but smile at the misstatement as she lifted her hand to cover her mouth. "They may laugh when I fall over," the volus continued apparently oblivious to her amusement, "but they don't know what I know in my head – that I know I am amazingly powerful." He made his way over to Garrus and declared, "Fear me!"

The turian stared down at the volus for a second, and then he looked up at her and shook his head. She could see him fighting to keep from laughing at the volus as well. Well at least this had lightened the mood between them.

"Are you Niftu Cal? From Pitne For's trade group?" Shepard asked.

The volus turned toward her, "When I was mortal I worked for Pitne. Poor soul is probably terrified that I have not returned."

Garrus responded, his amusement clear in his tone, "He hasn't reported your disappearance, probably so his departure won't get delayed."

Tali added disapprovingly, "Pitne will pick money over friends every time."

"Bah!" Niftu Cal responded angrily, "I will wreck a just revenge upon his people! But first… the leader of these mercenaries is in the next room." Shepard looked at where he was pointing, the next door. "I shall toss Wasea about like a rag doll!" Niftu declared. Her brow raised, she doubted he could toss much more than a pad around.

Garrus looked over at her, "Shepard this guy couldn't tie his bootlaces, much less fight." She nodded agreeing with him, she had no intentions of allowing the volus in with them.

"I will tear her apart! My biotics are unstoppable," the volus continued his boasting.

"Wasea will tear you apart," Shepard informed him with an amused smile, "Take a nap," she suggested, "you'll feel better."

"Are you mad?" Niftu Cal asked her, he turned around to face the door through which he had indicated the Eclipse captain was located. "I'm unstoppable! Feasting on her biotic-rich blood will be the last step in my ascension to godhood."

Shepard grimaced; well that was just a lovely thought for him to share. She reached out and carefully thumped him between the shoulders, knocking him forward to land face down on the floor.

"But… great wind!" the volus said sounding confused as he struggled back to his feet, "Biotic god! I'm… I… what was I saying?" He turned toward her.

She fought back a snicker, "You're tired," she quickly suggested.

"I'm…tired. You may be right. Yes, I'm tired…" he stared wandering down the hallway, fortunately in the direction from which they had come rather than the other direction, Captain Wasea, and certain death. "I'll nap. Destroy the universe later…"

Shepard was hard pressed not to just give into laughter as the short form of the volus disappeared around the corner. That more than anything told her how stressed she really was at this moment, because neither Garrus nor Tali seemed to find the situation nearly as amusing as she. And while a good laugh might be a decent stress reliever, this really wasn't the right place or time for it now.

"So much for godhood," Garrus noted dryly.

It was too much, this time she did chuckle. It was short lived though; her eyes were on the door the volus had indicated. Behind it was Captain Wasea and if they were lucky the information they needed to get for Samara. She motioned for them to follow her and headed up the hallway, the door opened and they looked into the room. It was a storage area, with many crates on either side of it; a central walkway had been left clear that lead to a large desk. Standing behind it was an asari in an armored hardsuit, she was reading a data pad and drinking something out of a cup. They entered the room, letting the door shut behind them and approached slowly, keeping an eye out for an ambush.

Shepard assumed the asari was the Wasea Niftu had mentioned, the captain of the local Eclipse. The asari turned around to face them, took a deep drink and then put the cup down on her desk. Her skin was dark purple in color with salmon colored markings on her face that stood out brightly against her skin tone. Her angry eyes met Shepard's, "Everything's gone to hell ever since we smuggled that filthy creature off world." She paced around the desk as she entered in some information into the pad she held, "First a justicar shows up, now you." She tossed the pad onto her desk, and her biotics flared, "At least I can take pleasure in turning your head," she gestured with her arm and her mass effect field expanded to enclose a nearby container of the Miragen X3, lifting it into the air, "into a pulpy mass!"

Shepard was expecting it when the asari completed her gesture sending the container hurdling through the air at them. Garrus and Tali dove out of the way; she simply stepped aside gracefully, moving out of its path. Her eyes never leaving the angry asari's as it impacted and broke against the wall behind them. She thought there was a flicker of wariness in them, really did Wasea think that the killing of all her other mercenaries had just been a fluke? The asari summed a barrier and Shepard moved to cover and reached for her pistol, she rose up enough to begin firing and noticed more mercenaries flooding into the room from the side hallways. Well she had suspected that Wasea would keep some in reserve. They all started firing at her and she had to duck back into cover as her shield warning sounded in her ear. Shepard chuckled quietly to herself, well at least someone back there had enough tactical sense to order they concentrate fire on one target.

"If you're helping the justicar," it was Wasea, "you're deep into something terrifying." More warnings about this Ardat-Yakshi, Shepard was surprised, whatever fugitive Samara was after she certainly seemed to have scared these Eclipse sisters.

More reddish colored smoke drifted their way, and Shepard realized with dismay that there were more of the Miragen X3 containers around. Damn it this could be a problem for them. She focused, gathering a mass effect field and then springing up, gesturing and releasing a shockwave. It boomed up the room towards the Eclipse sisters who were massed together. She was ready when it hit them, joining Tali and Garrus in firing at them as they were knocked from their cover.

Wasea screamed angrily upon seeing her fellow Eclipse fall one by one underneath their fire, "I'll enjoy killing you, the volus, that detective – everyone whose gotten in my way!" she yelled. The asari sprang up from behind the crate where she had taken cover. Unfortunately for her, Shepard was waiting for this as were Garrus and Tali. Their fire stripped away her shield instantly and then someone's weapon found its mark, and Wasea went down with a round through her head.

The three of them stayed behind whatever cover they had found for several seconds longer, waiting to see if any other Eclipse were left. It was silent; there was no sound of rushing footsteps or anything else. Almost as one they rose and moved forward, "There must be some record of that ship around here," Tali remarked.

Shepard went right for the data pad Wasea had thrown down upon her desk, the last thing she had been working upon. She quickly scanned thorough its index, found and entry simply labeled _Justicar after A-Y_ and opened it. Here was the information they were looking for. 'There's a justicar here! Probably looking for the one we sent off on the AML Demeter. I was happy to see her go; she chilled me to the bone. I just hope this justicar doesn't mess up my operation.'

Garrus came over to look at what she was reading, "That must be the ship Samara was looking for," he commented, sounding pleased.

"Should we pick up Elnora and head back to the police station and give her the name, or look around first?" Tali asked.

Shepard looked at the computer terminal on Wasea's desk, "Look for more information, I'd like to have the names and histories of those three Eclipse sisters the Miragen X3 killed as well as information about all their illegal activities to hand over to the detective." Garrus and Tali nodded, and then moved around the desk to huddle over the computer terminal. Shepard kept her weapon out and her attention on their surroundings while the two of them worked, she didn't want anyone sneaking up on them now.

"We've got all the information I would want if this were my investigation," Garrus announced after several minutes, "the detective should be quite satisfied."

Shepard was pleased to hear it; maybe he was staring to think past what had happened on Omega. She could hope anyway. "Let's go pick up Elnora then and head back."

"Well she did want to see some action," Garrus slyly remarked.

Shepard chuckled, "Funny I was thinking the same thing earlier."

It didn't take them long to make their way back to the room. The lock on the door was still red; the young asari hadn't been able to break the encryption on it. Shepard keyed in the passcode, the lock went green and then opened. Elnora was standing in the middle of the room, staring at them with wide frightened eyes. Shepard leaned against the door and stared back at her with hard eyes, "Sorry Elnora, but you get to find out how jealous your friends will be of you sitting in jail…for murder."

The young asari's green eyes widened and then all attempts at pretending to be innocent went out the window. "That volus bastard deserved it," Elnora snarled, "When we tried the stuff he sold us, one of my friends died from it! I enjoyed blowing his suit wide open and watching him die."

Ah, there was the missing piece of information that made everything fit together, personal motivation for the killing. "And I'll see that he's charged for their murders," Shepard assured her, "So you can comfort yourself with the thought that you won't be alone in serving your time."

Elnora stared at her, confusion clear in her expression, "Why do you care?"

"Simple," Shepard replied with conviction, "I believe in the law and in following it to the best of my ability." Elnora stared at her disbelievingly, when she simply stared back, the asari's expression shifted to a more wary one as if it were slowly sinking in that she wasn't lying.

Elnora only tried to run away once, Shepard easily caught up with her easily. She reached out and stopping Elnora by simply grabbing her shoulder and halting, trusting her new body to do the rest. Her momentum abruptly halted at her shoulder, the asari's feet slipped out from underneath her and she fell upon her back with a grunt. She stared up at the cold-eyed human female standing above her with wide, startled eyes. Obviously not having expected Shepard to either catch up with her so quickly, or be able to simply grab and stop her dead in her tracks.

"Don't do that again," Shepard advised her sternly, "Next time I won't be so gentle," she threatened. "Now get up," she ordered. Elnora scrambled to her feet and backed away from her eying her warily, "Walk," she backed up the order with a steely eyed look that had the youngster gulping and deciding to obey. Shepard was satisfied that Elnora likely wouldn't try her again, bigger and tougher marines had subtly tried to intimidate her as a young officer. Between her official Alliance officer training along with some decidedly unofficial training in how to command, those marines had all failed and fallen into line. Now with Lindariel's experience in getting young teenaged protheans to obey and respect her… Shepard smirked at the young asari's back; she wasn't ashamed of admitting to herself that she was thoroughly enjoying intimidating the hell out of this kid.

All eyes were upon them as they walked out into the dock area, the asari police in the area especially. Elnora hesitated and shrank back, stopping in her tracks. Shepard simply reached forward, grabbed her shoulder armor and forced her to start walking again. The volus merchant Pitne For was standing by the police station door as they rounded the corner.

"You," Elnora hissed, lunging at him.

The volus stumbled back with a startled sound, "Eclipse! Keep her away from me!" He started hurrying away as fast as his short legs would carry him.

Shepard yanked her back, pulled her close, "Don't spoil his surprise and give him a chance to run for it," she whispered and quickly hustled the young asari into the station before she could say anything more to him.

Once inside Elnora's anger quickly cooled as she met the curious and not particularly friendly stares of the asari officers inside. With her hand on the asari's shoulder Shepard steered her toward Detective Anaya's desk. Samara was seated atop the low divider that separated the detective's work area from the remainder of the station. Elnora took one look at the justicar and dug in her heels, "She'll kill me," she whispered frantically to Shepard.

Shepard glanced over at Samara who hadn't moved and was simply watching them with the same calm serenity that she had displayed before, "You're my prisoner until I turn you over to the detective," she informed Elnora, "That means I'm obligated to make sure you come to no harm so long as you don't try to escape." She smirked, "That also means I'll protect you from the big, bad justicar. Who I might point out hasn't even bothered to move in your direction." Even that comment only got the slightest reaction from the justicar, just the hint of a briefly raised brow in her direction. Elnora only shrunk back closer to her; well at least she did apparently she trust Shepard to protect her. Finally annoyed, the Commander ordered, "Either walk over there and sit down or I'll drag you over there," in a no nonsense tone. That got Elnora moving again, though slowly enough that Shepard had to keep her moving with her hand on the young asari's shoulder. Or maybe that was just Elnora's way of making sure she didn't get too far away from her while the justicar was so close.

Detective Anaya watched the odd procession approaching her desk curiously; as soon as the young asari in Eclipse armor slumped down into the chair she shifted her gaze to the human standing behind her. She suspected this was the asari the human had locked up and sent her the information as to where she was located just in case things went badly.

Shepard pulled out the data pad with Pitne For's shipping manifest on it and tossed it onto the detectives desk, "I have proof Pitne For smuggled in red sand and illegal weapons tech as well as a illegal chemical known as Miragen X3. It's toxic, something he forgot to mention to the Eclipse who bought it. Its usage resulted in the deaths of three Eclipse mercenaries." Shepard turned to Garrus, "Would you upload the data you obtained to the detective please."

Detective Anaya picked it up the data pad while the turian's data from his omni-tool was transferring over, "Let's see what you got there," she read over it and frowned, "Interesting, but I can't verify it. It would be inadmissible."

Samara unwound from her perch and slid gracefully to her feet, "I vouch for Shepard and any evidence she and her companions bring forth."

The detective nodded, looking pleased, "I accept the judgment of the justicar."

Shepard nodded her thanks to Samara, before turning back to the detective, "If that's not enough for your superiors it should be a simple matter for you to go and verify the data from the source, you have the base's location."

Detective Anaya stared at her, realizing what the unspoken message was from that statement. There was no one left alive in the base to oppose their entry, her eyes went to the Eclipse mercenary sitting in the chair, well except for this one. She brought up the data that had just finished transferring over and scanned through it; besides the aforementioned information about the resulting deaths from the Miragen X3 usage it also included financial transaction data and supplier and reseller information. In short, it was an overview of all the Eclipse operations in Nos Astra. She whistled under her breath, this was exactly the information she needed to put a major hamper on the group's activities here.

"I got you everything I would want if I it was my case," the turian assured her when she looked up.

"Thank you," she said to the former C-Sec officer, sincerely meaning it. She looked back at Shepard, "I'll send some officers to arrest him and his cohorts."

"Could you go ahead and do that?" Shepard requested, "I don't want there to be any chance of him getting away."

The detective nodded and placed the call, she hung up a moment later, "Their arresting him now," she informed the human and noticed the Eclipse mercenary sit up straighter at this. She turned curious eyes on the young asari, "And her?"

Shepard took out another pad and passed it over, "The murder of Dakni Kur."

Anaya read the data, looked over at the Eclipse mercenary who would not meet her eyes, but stared down into her lap looking as if she wished she were anywhere else but where she was now. "Well, well," she said surprised, "She surrendered?"

"Not exactly," Shepard replied looking down at the asari, "I heard her praying to the Goddess for us not to kill her. Since she was smart enough not to attack me, I decided honor it." Shepard didn't notice both Anaya and Samara give her an intent look at her choice of phrasing. "She tried to pretend that she hadn't actually shot anyone, but I suspected she was lying about that. As you know, we locked her up and since we found information proving her guilt, we brought her back with us."

The detective nodded, "I'll start processing her as soon as we're done here."

A commotion from the door had them all glancing over curiously, it was Pitne For, being hauled in by two asari officers, and loudly protesting his innocence all the way. Shepard placed a cautionary hand on Elnora's shoulder when the young asari tensed up again and stared her hatred at him. Anaya glanced at them, "Take him all the way to the back for processing," she called out and the two officers with him grimaced and nodded, doubtlessly not appreciating having to haul him even further than they already had but obeying their superior.

"Thank you," Elnora whispered quietly to Shepard when the noise of his departure died away, "Linaya didn't deserve to die like that."

Shepard recognized the name of one of the deceased Eclipse initiates, "Your friend I presume?"

"Yes," Elnora confirmed.

Shepard tapped her on the shoulder, waiting until she looked up, "If you really want to thank me Elnora spend your time thinking about how you want the rest of your life to go after you get out," she said quite seriously. "You have hundreds of years to live, do you really want to spend them making other people's lives more miserable than they already are or do you want to do something so you'll be remembered as someone who turned her life around and chose to contribute to her society instead of taking from it."

Elnora glared up at her resentfully, "And I guess you've done exactly that in your short life span human?" she spat.

Yes," Shepard responded immediately, she stared down into the asari's eyes. She wasn't ashamed of her past in any way, though she didn't particularly like listing it out like this. But if that was what was needed to try and get though this young asari's thick head…then she would do it. "My parents, teachers, friends and almost everyone I knew were killed during a batarian slavers raid on the human colony of Mindor when I was sixteen." Elnora's eyes widened and she drew back a little, obviously not expecting this reply. "After that I vowed to spend my life making sure I could protect others from having the same thing happen to them. I entered a military boarding school for the next two years, and then I was accepted as an officer candidate into the Systems Alliance Military Academy. I graduated among the top of my class and was commissioned as a Junior Lieutenant four years later. Two months after that, while on shore leave on Elysium, I lead the ground troops that held off the batarian raiders attacking the colony until Alliance Naval forces could arrive. Thus fulfilling the vow I had made at sixteen." That had been an ugly, difficult fight, certainly deserving of more attention than she was giving it now, but a more through description of those desperate hours wasn't needed. "You may know it better as the Skyllian Blitz," she said to Elnora, whose eyes were definitely wide now.

"Three years ago, at the age of twenty nine I was inducted as the first human Spectre and sent after Saren. Three year ago I succeeded in my mission, killing him and assisting in the defeat of the geth armada attacking the Citadel, as well as ensuring the Council's successful evacuation and making sure the Destiny's Ascension wasn't destroyed," she paused, her eyes on Elnora's, not really realizing that everyone in the station was staring at her and listening to her recitation as well. "So yes, I believe I can say I have done just that in my short life span."

"Oh Goddess, you're that human…" the young asari stared up at her.

Well she hadn't quite expected this response; she guessed it was safe to assume that Elnora finally realized exactly who she was though. "Yes, I'm that human," she agreed with a lopsided smile, "so does that mean you'll at least consider what I asked?"

"Why?" Elnora asked her, "Why do you care about what I do?" it was painfully clear she was bewildered by the Spectre's actions.

Shepard shifted uncomfortably; she really didn't like talking about such things. Not that she was ashamed of her faith, just that she didn't believe it needed to be publically displayed as such; her actions should simply be an unspoken statement of her beliefs. "Because my faith commands me to try and help you if you are willing to be helped," Shepard explained in a quiet voice only loud enough to be heard in their immediate area, "Failure to do so…" her voice trailed off as her soul flinched in pain from her thoughts, she cleared her throat, "Failure to do so would be a personal disappointment to the Goddess, and that is something I would never willing do if there were any another option available to me."

It was obvious that her answer hadn't been one the asari expected, Elnora stared at her in surprise for a moment longer. Then she lowered her eyes, "I will consider your words Spectre, thank you," she agreed quietly.

Shepard had no idea if the young asari was lying or not, but then it wasn't really any of her business anymore. She had done her part, now it was up to Elnora to make the decision to change or not. She nodded, "Be Well, Elnora."

When it was clear they were done, the detective motioned for one of the other officers to come over, "Can you take her back to processing please," she indicated Elnora, "and put her in a different area than the volus," she added. "I'll be back in a little while to fill out her information." The young mercenary didn't make any effort to resist the officer, quietly rising and accompanying the other asari. She paused at the door to glance back searchingly at Shepard one last time before going through the door to the back of the station.

Detective Anaya cleared her throat, "I'm sorry that I didn't recognize who you were earlier Spectre Shepard." The asari looked a little confused, probably due to the supposed to be dead thing, Shepard decided, amused at the thought. "Thank you for your assistance, and thank you for the information you brought me," she glanced over at the information still displayed on her terminal. "This should be a big help with cleaning up the crime in my district." The detective seemed not to know quite how to treat her now, it made things feel slightly awkward between them.

Shepard nodded, "I'm always pleased to help local law enforcement," she stated. She turned to Samara, "I have the name of your ship. Your fugitive was smuggled off on the AML Demeter two days ago."

"Shepard, you impress me," Samara stated, "you have fulfilled your part of the bargain and now I will fulfill mine." She turned to the detective, "I am ready to leave immediately, if that will satisfy your superiors, Detective?"

The purple hued asari turned toward her, "You're free to go, Justicar. It has been and honor having you in my station," Shepard noticed how Samara barely acknowledged that with a nod before she turned away. "And it's nice that you didn't kill me too," the detective added, not quite underneath her breath.

Shepard smiled at that, before turning her attention to Samara, "The Eclipse smuggled an Ardat-Yakshi off world. She's the fugitive your after isn't she?"

Samara inclined her head, "You continue to impress. Yes, I was here tracking the Ardat-Yakshi. She is a dangerous criminal, and I will bring her to justice. After your mission, is complete of course," she added.

"I meant what I said, if it doesn't interfere with the mission we can go after her sooner once you confirm where she's hiding," Shepard didn't hesitate to affirm her earlier statement.

Samara didn't seem very enthusiastic about the idea, but she did nod in acknowledgement of the offer. "As stated earlier by agreeing to follow you, I am compelled to swear the most difficult of justicar oaths – The Third Oath of Subsumation. After I do, your orders will override the Code." Shepard nodded, she didn't really like the feeling she was making the justicar do this, but she was certain that it was needed. She also suspected Samara thought the same thing, otherwise the justicar wouldn't have agreed so easily. "You should know, however, that I'll still give you my opinion if the situation warrants," Samara added.

Shepard gave a quiet chuckle, "You might have to stand in line behind these two," she commented with a jerk of her head at the turian and quarian behind her. Samara glanced at them and once again Shepard thought she saw just the slightest bit of humor in those pale blue eyes. "I'm sure you have a few things you need to pick up from where ever your staying," when the justicar frowned slightly and seemed to be ready to disagree she narrowed her eyes and plowed on, "We'll head there first and then to the Normandy."

Samara seemed to catch on immediately that there was something else going on that Shepard didn't want any witnesses about to overhear. Her eyes flickered briefly to the detective and then she nodded, "It would be polite to say my farewells at the temple. I was staying there with the initiates."

"Then I guess that's where we should head," Shepard said. The temple sounded good, she knew she needed to meditate again before filling Samara in on everything she really needed to know so the justicar could decide exactly how involved she wanted to be in helping them.

Before she could head toward the door, Samara said, "I must be sworn to your service so that I am never forced to choose between your orders and the Code." Now? Shepard wondered, but then she saw the serious expression on Samara's face, now it was then. She nodded, falling automatically into a modified attention stance and focusing her whole attention on the justicar.

Samara called up the very beginnings of a mass effect field, her eyes flicking white with it and the barest flicker of color playing on her skin, she closed her eyes and knelt on bended knee in front of Shepard. Bowing low until her face almost touched her leg. The detective rose and came around her desk so she could see, watching with awed eyes. Shepard noted this out of the corner of hers she never moved her solemn gaze from the justicar in front of her. "By the Code I will serve you Shepard. Your choices are my choices; your morals are my morals. Your wishes are my code." The biotic field Samara had been maintaining flared to life brilliantly and briefly around her, before subsiding again as she rose to her feet.

"I never thought I'd see a justicar swear an oath like that," Anaya said to Shepard.

"If you make me do anything extremely dishonorable, I may need to kill you when I am released from my oath," Samara informed Shepard quite seriously.

Shepard already knew what she was willing to give up if it meant defeating the Reapers, "If a situation ever arose where I felt compelled to ask you to sacrifice your honor it would only be to save lives," she replied grimly.

"Then by the Code it would likely not be dishonorable," Samara replied smoothly not looking the least bit worried by her comment. Well that was good to know, thought Shepard; it was hard to tell what another person, much less another person of another race meant by the word honor.

"Thank you, Samara, for your oath. I will endeavor to be worthy of your trust." She might have added more, but she suspected the justicar had a fair idea of who she was following after everything she had seen and heard so far today.

"Truly, the life of a justicar can get lonely," Samara said to her as they started towards the door, "I admit, I am looking forward to serving with a company of honorable heroes."

Shepard winced, "Goddess Samara, don't use that word and jinx us. Been there, done that, it's a horrible fate."

"Indeed?" Samara questioned, sounding slightly bemused at her response as they exited the building.

Shepard nodded emphatically, "Speeches, parades, boring mediocre dinners with politicians and the brass in uncomfortable full dress uniform. Weeks of feeling like a mech with your face and a smile plastered on who could politely wave could do the exact same thing. It's an utterly horrible fate to wish upon anyone but a politician."

The justicar's lips twitched at that quip, "Very well," she acquiesced, "A company of honorable warriors?"

"Much, much better," Shepard responded fervently as she started walking over to where they could summon an aircab.

From behind her she heard Garrus snort in amusement, "You do realize that once we defeat the Collectors you'll be labeled a hero for the third time right?"

"Way to tank my morale Garrus," Shepard grumbled at him with a grin.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The Mass Effect universe is the property of Bioware/Electronic Arts. No infringement of these copyrights is intended as this is a not for profit fan fiction work.
> 
> Warning: none
> 
> Notes: This is inspired by the Beyonce song "Save the Hero," from the album I am…Sasha Fierce. This is an Alternate Universe story. Also, the Prothean language used in this chapter is actually Tolkien's elvish language, I did not make it up and probably thoroughly butchered it and the grammar.
> 
> Beta Thanks: Thank you Flamewielder and Tjal for looking this over.
> 
> Rating: Teen
> 
> Feedback: Always welcome, feedback is what encourages me to keep writing. Please let me know what you like and what you dislike about the story.
> 
> Errors and Corrections: Yes, please let me know about any errors you see so that I can correct them. This is un-beta'ed so it probably has a few.
> 
> Revision History: 04/18/2010; 04/24/2010; 05/29/2010

**Illium – Nos Astra Temple of Athame**

Shepard opened her eyes and lifted her head, feeling much more at peace than she had earlier and ready to meld with Samara without being concerned that her emotions would bleed over into it. Granted, she didn't know the justicar well yet, but from what little she had seen of Samara thus far, it was obvious that the asari was a very formidable and self-controlled woman. Exposing the horrible mess that was her current personal life to the asari was not Shepard's idea of how to make a good impression on her newest crew member.

She looked down at her omni-tool, checking the time, and winced. It had taken her almost thirty minutes. Ah well, all of that time had been needed to re-strengthen her mental barriers. She looked around the small, bare room she had been shown to after requesting a quiet place to meditate. It had a narrow, but comfortable looking bed, the floor cushion upon which she had been sitting, a desk, a data terminal and a window that looked out over a scenic view of a tranquil, wooded lake shore and quiet waters. It was simple and functional; for what it was, she liked it. The temple itself was located on the very outskirts of the city, and was about a twenty minute air car ride from Nos Astra.

She rose to her feet, exited the room and looked around. When she had last seen Samara, the asari had been speaking quietly to one of the priestesses of Athame. Now the priestess was nowhere in sight. Instead the red armored asari was standing out on the parapet overlooking lake with Garrus and Tali, listening to whatever the other two were saying. She crossed over to them, and noted that the conversation ended as soon as Garrus spotted her. That was suspicious. Of course, she might be wrong, Shepard chastised herself, and they hadn't been talking about her at all but just stopped because they knew she would want to talk with the justicar.

Shepard joined the trio, stepping into the space between Samara and Tali, "I'm ready. Sorry it took me so long."

Samara nodded to them and then turned her attention to Shepard, "Did you wish to meld here or inside?"

Shepard noted the justicar didn't once again state that she didn't need to know more about their mission or say anything about the dangers of curiosity. Perhaps that had been what Garrus and Tali had been discussing with her. "Inside, please," she replied. The thought of some stranger walking by and watching them while she was unaware and caught up in her memories was more than a little creepy, priestess or not.

"What were you three talking about?" she asked curiously as they walked back into the room.

"Our conversation covered more than one topic," Samara replied. Shepard didn't know if it were just her suspicious imagination providing reasons to be jumpy, but it really seemed to her as if the asari's gaze was much more knowing than it had been before. Plus, Samara's reply didn't really sound like much of an answer to Shepard. The justicar observed, "Your companions are quite protective of you."

What exactly did that mean? "We've been through a lot together," Shepard replied truthfully, but with a touch of wariness, "I feel the same way about them." Samara nodded, as if she expected no other answer. The commander drew in a breath and asked casually, "Did one of those topics happen to cover this morning's events?" There, that was vague enough for her to just wave it off if the justicar said no.

Samara inclined her head, "They felt I should understand why you needed the time to meditate." Shepard could feel her jaw clenching. Damn it. What had happened between her and Liara was not an acceptable topic for gossip. "You should not be angry with them," Samara interrupted Shepard's irate thoughts. "They did not go into any detail, only that you had received confirmation that the relationship you were in had ended." She paused for a second before adding, "I had already felt echoes of your sorrow in your aura, but I would have never guessed its cause to be so recent. Your control over your emotions is impressive Shepard, as is your dedication to your duty." There was nothing but respect in the justicar's serene tones. It completely derailed the Commander's building anger. "Also," Samara added, "if I take the position in your team that I believe you wish me to take, in the future, I will be as aware of such personal events in your life as they are now."

Shepard let out an irritated breath though she also had to smile. "Applying reason to the situation to calm the agitated human down?"

Shepard was astonished by the very brief appearance of a matching smile on the justicar's lips, "I have spent much of the last four hundred years on my own. My conversational skills are perhaps a little rusty."

The Commander's smile turned wry and she bowed her head for a moment before lifting it again to meet the justicar's pale blue eyes, "They don't seem rusty to me," she commented dryly. In fact they seemed about as rusty as her own skill at Skyllian Poker, which was to say not at all.

The asari nodded, her expression quietly satisfied. "Both Garrus and Tali'Zorah were quite insistent that I needed to understand the full scope of your mission, and that it extends to more than just the destruction of the Collectors."

With that sobering reminder of what they had come here for, Shepard felt her smile die., "It does," Shepard confirmed, "I don't know what the Council's response was to the information I sent them about the attack on Horizon yet, but as far as I'm concerned I'm investigating not only the reason behind the Collector attacks, but also the reason Cerberus is so interested in stopping them as well. I know Cerberus," she stated, her eyes narrowing, "They aren't doing this out of altruism. There's something they want badly out of this, and if they want it that badly, then whatever it is supports their goal of human domination of the galaxy."

"You don't agree," the justicar commented, looking intrigued.

Shepard shook her head, "Despite Cerberus' rhetoric to the contrary, humanity is doing just fine on the galactic stage as it is." She slashed her hand through the air in sharp rejection. "We don't need the Illusive Man's type of help," she said, her tone hard.

Samara inclined her head, "Considering that your race only discovered the mass relays thirty-six years ago, humanities rise among the Council races has been impressive." Shepard nodded. Despite those that chafed at what they saw as slow progress, humanity had risen very quickly in galactic prominence in a very short time. "So part of your mission is to discover whether Cerberus' intentions present a danger to the Council and to the other Council races?" the justicar inquired.

Shepard nodded, "It is. Defeating the Collectors and finding out what Cerberus wants are two out of our three missions." She paused, momentarily distracted by the memory of the Council's dismissive response to her claims that the Collectors were working for the Reapers. Determinedly she pushed it, and the bitter hurt that accompanied it, aside, "Despite the importance of the two missions I've already mentioned, it's the third that is actually the most critical." She hesitated for a second, but Samara didn't react. The justicar simply appeared to be waiting patiently for her to finish. "We need to find out if the Reapers are controlling and directing the Collectors. And if they are, then stopping the Collectors takes on another layer of urgency because the Reapers will be using them to find a way to bring their fleet in from where they're hiding in dark space. That cannot be allowed to happen," Shepard stated grimly.

Now there was a reaction. "Reapers?" Samara questioned, a slight frown forming, and a touch of concern showing in her expression. "I have not heard of such a race."

"It will be much easier to show you than to explain, and much quicker as well." And hopefully after showing the justicar her memories of talking to both Sovereign and Vigil, Samara would actually believe her.

Samara nodded, "I am curious about this different way of melding," she admitted. "Neither Garrus nor Tali would tell me much about it, only that you obtained the information on it while hunting Saren."

Shepard cleared her throat, "That would be because it's a prothean method," she explained, "and it's a bit complicated to explain exactly how I came to possess the knowledge of it. And then there's also the fact that it's classified information." The justicar was certainly giving her an openly surprised look now, rather like Rayna had earlier today, though Samara regained her demeanor of regal composure quickly.

"Fortunately," Shepard said, making up her mind on the spot, "As a Spectre, I have the authority to decide if an individual has a need to know the information, and I think you need to know it." If Samara was going to help her find the remaining prothean memories the asari needed to know how she had obtained them in the first place. "I trust that you understand you will not be able to discuss the information with anyone else other than me, Garrus and Tali?" Realizing she had left one rather important group out, she added, "And the Council members of course, if you ever have any reason to discuss it with them."

Obviously deeply in thought, Samara took her time in replying. Finally her eyes refocused on the Spectre, "I do not foresee this conflicting with the Code once my oath to you is done. If you believe it is necessary, then very well Shepard." The justicar stared at her with a thoughtful gaze, "I will admit I did not expect to be so deeply involved in matters of galactic intrigue when I accepted your offer to assist you in destroying the Collectors," she stated evenly.

Shepard nodded, she knew the justicar was right; this wasn't what Samara had agreed to when she joined them. "I am sorry for that," she apologized, "but as the detective showing up proved that alley wasn't the right place to discuss all of this. If you're not interested in getting involved in any more than taking care of the Collectors after you know everything, then that's all I'll expect from you. I would not hold you to anymore than what you agreed to when you gave me your oath, but I would be lying to you if I did not admit that I am hoping that once you know everything you will willingly agree to more."

Samara gave her a searching look, she then dipped her head in a brief nod, "Then perhaps we should begin."

Shepard returned it with a brief nod of her own. "There are two things you need to know," she said moving toward the narrow bed and sitting down on one end of it, "the first is that I have a mental barrier that will block you from fully melding with me." She gestured toward the other side of the bed, "The second is that you will feel a pulling sensation at that point, allow it to pull you into the memory I've selected." Samara seated herself on the other end, "Give me a moment to bring up the first memory," Shepard said, "I'll say ready when it's time for you to initiate the meld." She closed her eyes; she knew Samara wouldn't understand anything else that followed if she didn't understand the extent of the threat of the Reapers first. That meant starting with the conversation with Sovereign on Virmire.

She was standing in Saren's private laboratory, a glowing red holographic image of the Reaper ship before her. She stared at it, one thing about her new drell-like memories; there was nothing quite like being able to remember absolutely everything that was stored inside your mind about an event for a disturbingly vivid and accurate memory of it. "Ready."

"Embrace eternity," Samara said softly. It was but a second before Shepard felt the asari's mental touch. She reached out toward it, pulled, and then the calm, controlled presence of the justicar was with her inside her mind.

"You are not Saren," a cold, mechanical sounding voice said, it had an odd echoing quality to it as if whatever was speaking was in a large open space.

"What is that? Some kind of VI interface?" Tali asked.

"Rudimentary creatures of blood and flesh. You touch my mind, fumbling in ignorance, incapable of understanding."

"I don't think this is a VI," Tali now sounded frightened.

"There is a realm of existence so far beyond your own that you cannot even imagine it. I am beyond your comprehension. I am Sovereign."

Shepard's eyes widened and her blood chilled as she realized exactly what they were talking with, "Sovereign isn't just some Reaper ship Saren found, it's an actual Reaper!"

"Reaper? A label created by the Protheans to give voice to their destruction. In the end, what they chose to call us is irrelevant. We simply are."

Wrex spoke up, "The Protheans vanished 50,000 years ago. You couldn't have been there, it's impossible!"

"Organic life is nothing but a genetic mutation, an accident. Your lives are measured in years and decades. You wither and die. We are eternal, the pinnacle of evolution and existence. Before us, you are nothing. Your extinction is inevitable. We are the end of everything."

Like hell it was, Shepard glared at the holographic image of her enemy, "There is an entire galaxy of races united and ready to face you."

"Confidence born of ignorance. The cycle cannot be broken."

"Cycle? What cycle?" Tali asked.

"The pattern has repeated itself more times than you can fathom. Organic civilizations, rise, evolve, advance, and at the apex of their glory they are extinguished. The Protheans were not the first. They did not create the Citadel. They did not forge the mass relays. They merely found them, the legacy of my kind."

Eyes narrowed, Shepard asked suspiciously, "Why would you construct the mass relays, and then leave them for someone else to find?"

"Your civilization is based on the technology of the mass relays, or technology. By using it, your society develops on the paths we desire. We impose order on the chaos of organic evolution. You exist because we allow it, and you will end because we demand it."

"Their harvesting us," Tali only echoed Shepard's own thoughts, "Letting us advance to the level they need, then wiping us out!"

"What do you want from us?" this had now become an information gathering attempt; she would keep this thing talking as long as possible. Her mission had just expanded; she needed to not only destroy this base but to find out as much about the Reapers as she could, "Slaves? Resources?" She knew the Councilors were skeptical that the Reaper's actually existed, but now…they had to believe.

"My kind transcends your very understanding. We are each a nation, independent, free of all weakness. You cannot even grasp the nature of our existence."

"Where did you come from? Who built you?" Shepard asked next.

"We have no beginning. We have no end. We are infinite. Millions of years after your civilization has been eradicated and forgotten, we will endure."

Impossible, something had to build these things for them to exist in the first place. "Where are the rest of the Reapers. Are you the last of your kind?" She could hope, but she doubted they would be that lucky.

"We are legion. The time of our return is coming. Our numbers will darken the sky of every world. You cannot escape your doom."

The beacon message Shepard realized, the images of Protheans running, trying to escape the ships and what came from them to annihilate them, or simply clinging together crying out in fear and despair at what was happening. World after world after world, their populations completely eradicated, their buildings brought down and destroyed, their civilization wiped out as if it had never been. By these things. She stared her hatred, her defiance at it; she would not permit what had happened to the Protheans to happen to those she was sworn to protect.

"You just admitted that the universe only spontaneously generates organic life. You had a beginning, when organic life created you. And if you attack us you will have an end, when we destroy you," she declared her tone conveying equal parts chill anger and resolution.

"Your words are as empty as your future. I am the vanguard of your destruction. This exchange is over."

She ducked as the glass windows on one side of the room exploded inward, showering the area behind them with bits of broken glass.

There was the chirp of an incoming communication, it was Joker, "Commander, we got trouble."

She drew in a breath, already suspecting what he was going to tell her, "Hit me with it Joker."

"That ship Sovereign, its moving. I don't know what you did down there, but that thing just pulled a turn that would shear any of our ships in half." She shook her head; she had just had to challenge it. Oh well what was done was done. "It's coming your way and it's coming hard! You need to wrap things up in there – fast!"

Shepard broke away from the memory, it wasn't necessary to go into the details of what had happened next. She felt Samara's mental presence pulling away and opened her eyes. She hadn't been done yet, but she could understand why the asari might have thought she was finished.

Samara was not looking at her, instead the justicar's pale blue eyes were narrowed and from the way they were moving from side to side Shepard guess that she was reviewing what she had just seen. It reminded Shepard of how Shiala had looked after giving her the cipher and in doing so witnessing the pieces of the beacon message she had possessed then.

"The Reapers and their destruction of the Protheans were the evil you spoke of that must not be allowed to happen again," Samara said, focusing upon the Spectre, her tone and expression gravely serious. Shepard nodded. "Why have I heard nothing about them?" the justicar asked next.

Shepard sighed; she knew it was best to be entirely truthful, "Because the Council believes that the Reapers are just a myth that Saren used to get the Geth to follow him. That the holographic image was a fake and that I was stupid enough to believe it was real. There weren't enough pieces of Sovereign that the Council managed to claim for themselves for them to think that it was anything but a very advanced Geth warship." She knew Samara had caught her deliberate use of the word claim, she already knew that the turians managed to make off with the main gun, and she suspected that Cerberus had managed to lay its hand on several pieces of Sovereign as well. "Without absolute proof that the Reapers exist, they won't admit that they are a real threat," she continued, "I think it's a combination of they don't want to admit it and they're afraid of the public's reaction if they did announce it. As Anderson said to me the last time I met with him, their existence is the stuff of nightmare."

Samara lips turned downward in a slight frown, after a long moment of thoughtful silence she said, "Unfortunately, I can understand their hesitation, it is possible that what you spoke to was a cleverly made VI program originally designed to persuade the Geth that Sovereign was a Reaper. If the Reapers do not actually exist, much effort and resources would be wasted and lives might be lost if there was panic. However, if they do exist, then the Council's inaction will have disastrous consequences for every species." She paused, looking pensive, "It is a difficult decision."

"I agree," Shepard admitted, "and I would be inclined to accept it, if the encounter on Virmire were the only thing I was basing my belief in the Reaper upon, but it's not. I encountered a prothean VI on Ilos that told us about the group of prothean researchers that managed to survive in cryogenic suspension until the Reapers left and what they did to give us a chance to break the cycle of extinction. And then there was the last time that I spoke to Saren," Shepard shook her head remembering the former Spectre's fate. "He wasn't leading anything. Instead Sovereign was controlling him. He broke free at the end and took his own life, allowing me to stop Sovereign. He died redeeming himself, fulfilling his oath to protect the galaxy, even if it was from his own actions while under the influence of Sovereign's indoctrination."

"Indoctrination?" Samara inquired, her eyes narrowed briefly as she said it and a subtle tension threaded through her tone.

"Sovereign emitted an energy field which allowed it to control people's minds," Shepard explained. "That's what happened to Saren... and what happened to Matriarch Benezia and to her disciples that came with her." Shepard clenched her fist, her jaw tightening as she focused intently on her words; she didn't want to get caught up in the memory of Benezia's death, not now. "Lady Benezia had only the best intentions; she wanted to persuade Saren to turn away from his destructive path. She didn't realize until it was too late for all of them that she wasn't actually facing Saren, but Sovereign. Even at the end she never realized that it was actually Sovereign that was controlling her and not Saren using Sovereign." Shepard paused, unclenched her hand and stretched it out while gazing out the window at the gently waving lake waters. She sighed, regret and angry frustration laying themselves like a mantle about her shoulders once again as her thoughts slipped toward what had happened on Noveria. She forced herself to stop, focusing only on the now, on the reflection of the sky in the lake, it was in the past and there was nothing she could do to change it. She turned her gaze back on Samara and finished what she intended to say, "As you saw, even I didn't realize until I went to Virmire that the ship itself was sentient and was a Reaper."

"An Ardat-Yakshi has a similar ability," Samara said, her expression surprisingly solemn as she regarded Shepard. "They are able to twist a person's mind until they willingly obey them," the justicar explained, her tone underlain with a hint of grimness.

Ah, that had been the reason for the tension she had heard in the justicar's voice, Shepard realized, Samara had run into something similar while hunting this murderer. There was a long moment of silence between them. On Shepard's side of it, the Spectre was thinking that it was unfortunate that they didn't have the time to really go too deeply into any one thing right now; she would have liked to have asked about Samara's experiences. See if her suspicions were right and they had both suffered through the bitter experience of being forced to kill someone whose only true crime was to be controlled by another.

They didn't have the time to delve into such a sensitive topic though, and Shepard knew they needed to move on, "I need to show you a few more things, such as," she paused for a second, letting her mind shift gears and began speaking in fluent prothean, "_Mankoi amin tel' ar' teitho Eldalie, ar' hannas mani ta naa no aer i eneth lín Edhel._" Shepard had expected that Samara might give her an odd look for suddenly speaking in a strange language, but she hadn't expected the justicar to react this way or so strongly. Samara was leaning back from her; indeed the asari almost looked ready to get up off the bed, and was staring at her with a very wary and confounded expression. "_Mani naa raika Samara?_" Wrong language, Shepard shook her head, "What's wrong?"

The justicar straightened, the wary look faded and instead the asari stared at her intently, her head tilted slightly to the side as if the Commander had just presented her with a particularly intriguing puzzle. "What did you just do? What language was that?" she demanded her tone very similar to the way it had been when she was speaking to the Eclipse Lieutenant.

Shepard frowned at her, "Prothean." What in the world was going on here?

"Prothean?" Samara repeated her tone softening, becoming closer to what Shepard had already come to think of as its usual calm, melodious cadence. "Shepard, your aura shifted right before you spoke in it and just now it shifted back. I have never observed such a thing before," the justicar said. She paused and then admitted, "I would not have even thought it possible had I not just witnessed it."

"Ah," that explained a lot, no wonder Samara had been so startled. Shepard rubbed the back of her neck, "Well…yea I would guess not." How many people were walking around with two complete sets of cultural memories? She would be highly surprised if there were more than just she and Shiala, and Shiala wasn't affected by the cipher in quite the same way. "You know that each race has its own distinct type of cultural memory?" When Samara nodded she continued, "I have two distinct sets of cultural memories, one human and one prothean. I suspect what you saw was me shifting from one to the other and then back again." She gazed at the justicar, bemused, "I know a lot of things, some subtle, others less so, change about the way I think when I do that, but I didn't realize that it would have an effect on my aura. Of course, I don't really know what this aura you're seeing is. I mean, I gather that it's somehow unique for each person and it seems to be tied to your personality."

Samara nodded, "All life forms produce a bio-electromagnetic field. This field is a combination of an individual's physical, mental, and emotional characteristics, and what asari sense as an individual's aura," she explained. "The ability to sense it is associated with the asari ability to merge our nervous systems with other asari and with other races. A person's aura is unique and normally does not significantly change even over an individual's lifetime, which was why sensing yours abruptly shift in such a fundamental way was…unexpected."

Actually the asari weren't the only ones who could sense it, Shepard realized after hearing the explanation, but she wasn't ready to get into any discussion about the rachni just yet. She vividly remembered the vastly different way the queen had seen the world, and how the sheer intensity and amount of sensory information had almost overwhelmed her when they first joined minds until the queen had realized what was happening and eased the flow of it to her. The rachni had senses that neither humans nor asari possessed. It had been like being immersed in a sensory experience of the world, with sound, taste, and color mixing in unexpected ways and flooding her senses.

"I'm sorry," Shepard apologized ruefully, "I didn't mean to surprise you like that."

Samara gracefully inclined her head in acknowledgment, and then she asked, "What did you say?"

Shepard repeated what she had said in Galactic Standard, "Why I can speak and write _Eldalie_, the prothean language, and understand what it means to be _Edhel_ or Prothean."

"_Edhel_," the justicar repeated the Protheans name for themselves softly, looking thoughtful. Her gaze focused on Shepard, "You were about to show me how this occurred?"

"Well…at least the beginning of it, at first the cipher wasn't quite the way it is now. How it changed is another long explanation in and of itself," Shepard replied. "Why don't we start with the events on Feros that led to me obtaining the cipher, move onto my conversation with Vigil, the prothean VI, on Ilos, and then my last conversation with Saren on the Citadel? Those memories will show you why I believe the Reapers are real and not just a Geth myth."

There was perhaps a brief flicker of disappointment in the asari's eyes, but then it was gone and the justicar nodded. "Very well," Samara agreed and looked at her expectantly.

Shepard closed her eyes, Feros, the colonists infected with the Thorian's spores, and their battle with the sentient plant. "Ready."

"Embrace eternity," Samara whispered, and then joined her, it was quicker this time now that both of them knew what to expect.

Between the gas grenades, and careful maneuvering to allow her to rush the occasional lone colonist, disarm them, and then knock them out with a few quick punches, or grapple with them and apply a sleeper hold until they passed out, Shepard had actually managed to not kill any of the Thorian controlled colonists. At least not yet. Quite frankly, she was amazed that it was going so well. There would be quite a few of the colonists that would need some medical help later for split lips and loose teeth, but at least they would be alive.

Then they had run into Fai Dan, the colony's leader. Unlike the others, he resisted the Thorian's attempt to make him attack them, and before Shepard realized what he was about to do turned his pistol and shot himself. Shepard stared in disbelief at his corpse, cursing herself for not foreseeing it, for not doing something to prevent it. She closed her eyes, thought about how much courage that had taken for him to do, even if she believed it wasn't necessary. When she opened them a second later, they were filled with resolve, she would stop this.

They used the crane to lift the freighter, revealing the way down to where the Thorian was located, and started downward into the depths. The Thorian turned out to be much more…larger and different than Shepard had anticipated, The creature was huge, filling up the central space of a circular opening bordered by a winding staircase that went several stories down into the earth.

The Thorian produced an asari looking creature, using it to speak to them. "Invaders! Your every step is a transgression. A thousand feelers appraise you as meat, only good to dig or decompose. I speak for the Old Growth, as I did for Saren. You are within and before the Thorian. It commands that you be in awe!"

Shepard's brow rose at that but she didn't say anything about it, there were more important things to discuss. "You gave something to Saren, something I need."

"Saren sought knowledge of those who are gone. The Old Growth listened to flesh for the first time in the Long Cycle. Trades were made. Then cold ones began killing the flesh that would tend the next cycle. Flesh fairly given! The Old Growth sees the air you push as lies! It will listen no more!"

Shepard's eyes hardened, "Saren had no right to trade you the colonists for anything. I won't let you keep them as your thralls. Release them!"

The green colored asari looking creature replied, "No more will the Thorian listen to those that scurry. Your lives are short, but have gone on too long. Your blood will feed the ground and the new growth!" and then promptly attacked them.

Between the asari looking creature that kept reappearing no matter how many times they killed her, apparently recreated again and again by the Thorian, and the thorian creepers, destroying the Thorian certainly wasn't an easy task. The only way Shepard could determine to destroy it was to sever the thick roots that supported the creature. They continued fighting their way back up the circular stairway that wound around the main body of the Thorian, firing at the roots as they came across them until the projectiles tore through and severed them. Finally the creature cried out in what sounded like pain, its great weight too much for the remaining roots which began to break free. It fell down into the depths, disappearing from their sight.

Movement nearby drew Shepard's attention, there was a large pod on the wall. It burst and an asari fell out, landing upon the floor. Slowly and obviously weak she struggled to her feet, looking around dazedly. "I'm free!" the asari exclaimed, sounding both disbelieving and relieved. She looked up, met Shepard's gaze still looking a little out of it, "I...I suppose I should thank you for releasing me."

Shepard immediately made the connection between the green asari clones the Thorian had created to attack them and this asari. Still, she didn't appear to be any threat and it certainly sounded like she hadn't wanted to be where she had been. Shepard glanced at the pod looking thing the asari had broken out of, not that that was surprising. "Are you alright, are you hurt?" Shepard asked, watching the asari closely. Despite her concern, she still wasn't letting her guard down, what was an asari doing on Feros? The first answer that came to mind was that she had something to do with Benezia.

"I am fine," she paused, a flicker of uncertainty crossing her face and corrected herself, "Or I will be, in time. My name is Shiala I serve..." the asari's voice trailed off, she dipped her head looking sorrowful, "served Matriarch Benezia," she corrected herself. "When she allied herself with Saren so did I. Benezia foresaw the influence Saren would have, she joined him to guide him down a gentler path, but Saren is compelling, Benezia lost her way."

Shepard frowned, she wasn't quite certain what Shiala was saying, but it sounded like… "Are you saying Saren can control minds?"

"Benezia underestimated Saren, as I did," Shiala admitted. "We came to believe in his cause and his goals. The strength of his influence is troubling."

"So she tried to manipulate Saren, but in the end her plan backfired," Tali realized.

Shepard found that hard to believe, "Asari matriarchs are among the most powerful and intelligent beings in the galaxy. How could one fall under Saren's control?"

"Saren has a vessel, and enormous warship unlike anything I've ever seen," Shiala responded, "He calls it Sovereign; it can dominate the minds of his followers. They become indoctrinated to Saren's will. The process is subtle, it can take days, weeks but in the end it is absolute." She lowered her gaze, looking ashamed, "I was a willing slave when Saren brought me to this world. He needed my biotics to communicate with the Thorian, to learn its secrets. Saren offered me in trade; I was sacrificed to secure an alliance between Saren and the Thorian."

"Saren's pretty quick to betray his own people," Shepard observed, frowning in disapproval.

"He was quick to betray the Thorian too," Shiala replied. "After he had what he wanted, he ordered the geth to destroy all evidence of its existence. Saren knows you are searching for the conduit, he knows you are following his steps. He attacked the Thorian so you could not gain the Cipher.

"What is the Cipher, and why did Saren need it?" Shepard asked.

"The beacon on Eden Prime gave you visions, but the visions are unclear, confusing. They were meant for a Prothean mind," Shiala explained. "To truly comprehend them, you must think like a Prothean. You must understand their culture, their history, their very existence. The Thorian was here long before the Protheans built this city. It watched and studied them, and when they died it consumed them. They became a part of it."

"So the Thorian taught Saren to think like a Prothean," Shepard realized, "How?"

Shiala answered, "The Cipher is the very essence of being a Prothean. It cannot be described or explained, it would be like describing color to a creature without eyes. To understand you must have access to endemic ancestral memory, a viewpoint spanning thousands of Prothean generations. I sensed this ancestral memory, the Cipher, when I melded with the Thorian. Our identities merged, or minds intertwined. Such knowledge cannot be taught, it simply exists."

"I need that knowledge to stop Saren," Shepard stated. It had to be possible, after all Saren had received this Cipher.

"There is a way," Shiala said sounding hesitant, "I can transfer the information from my mind to yours as I did with Saren."

Shepard nodded, if this was how Saren gained the knowledge then it should work for her as well. Shiala led her through a short visualization exercise, making it easier for them to meld, and then the asari had given her the Cipher. The beacon message still hadn't made as much sense as Shepard had hoped, but for the first time she had at least understood it as something more than nightmarish images of terror and destruction. Enough to comprehend that it was a warning about the attacks on the Prothean Empire, that there was a place of refuge, though she still couldn't make out where, and then the image of their attackers, the Reapers.

From that memory, Shepard transitioned to her memories of Ilos and the desperate rush to find a way to open the heavy blast door that Saren had closed almost on the mako's front end after Joker managed to drop the vehicle in just about on top of him. After fighting several geth, including a few colossi, they had managed to find the controls, open the blast doors and finally start along the narrow roadway after him.

Then they had come upon a shimmering golden energy curtain stretching across the entire roadway. Shepard brought the mako to a stop, not wanting to plow into it, no sooner had she done that than another one activated behind them, blocking them in. Then, immediately to their right, a doorway in the wall slid open revealing a passageway leading downward. It was a clear invitation from something. One elevator ride down, they entered a cavernous room lined with rows upon rows of stasis chambers and came upon a badly degraded Prothean VI, Vigil.

It was Vigil who had raised the energy curtains to stop them. The VI program needed to speak with them, to make sure they understood what they were facing so they did not make the same mistakes the Protheans had made. Shepard had listened with growing horror as it told them that the Citadel was actually a trap. It was an inactive mass relay linked to where the remainder of the Reaper fleet awaited in dark space, the empty void beyond the galaxy's horizon.

The Keepers were essential to the Reapers plans; they were a species modified by the Reapers to maintain the Citadels basic functions, allowing races that found the Citadel to operate it without understanding the stations underlying technology. In this way, the Reapers kept the fact that it was actually an inactive mass relay hidden until the relay was activated, the Reaper fleet invaded and it was too late. That had been the fate of the Protheans, in one stroke their government and main fleet was destroyed. Then the Reapers had taken over the Citadel and through it the mass relay network, shutting it down and separating each Prothean world. It had crippled their empire, making each isolated star system easy prey for the Reaper fleet.

Methodically the Reapers had wiped out world after world, ignoring all offers of surrender. Through the Citadel the Reapers had access to all the information on the Prothean Empire, records, maps, and census data. They knew where each world was located, and how many Protheans were on each of them. Some worlds the Reapers utterly destroyed; on others they enslaved the populations. They then used these indoctrinated slaves as sleeper agents. Once taken in as refugees by other worlds, these indoctrinated Protheans would betray them to the Reapers.

Relentless, brutal and absolutely thorough, within a few centuries the Reapers had either destroyed or enslaved almost every Prothean. The indoctrinated slaves stripped everything of value from the Prothean worlds, all technology, all resources, and then, certain that they had exterminated all advanced organic life, the Reapers retreated back through the Citadel relay into dark space and sealed it behind them. All evidence of their invasion was wiped away; the cycle was ready to repeat again. The indoctrinated slaves were abandoned. Mindless husks, they were unable to care for themselves and soon starved and died.

The genocide of the Protheans should have been complete, but the Reapers hadn't known about Ilos. A top secret research station, the information about the project was destroyed when the Reapers first attacked the Citadel. The Protheans had been on the verge of unlocking the secrets of the mass relays, Ilos was where this research was carried out. The researchers had managed to build a small scale relay before the Reaper attack, one that linked directly to the Citadel, this was the Conduit.

The researchers severed all communications and retreated underground in to the archives. They went into cryogenic stasis; and Vigil was left to monitor the situation. When the Reapers left he was to waken them. But the extermination of the Protheans went on for centuries; and one by one Vigil was forced to deactivate the cryogenic pods to conserve enough energy to maintain the rest. Finally only the pods containing the senior researchers were left, and even those were in danger of failing when the Reapers finally retreated back through the Citadel relay.

As harsh as Vigil's decision had been, it had saved the senior researchers. When they awoke, the dozen that remained realized that there were too few of them to rebuild their species. The Prothean race was lost, but they vowed to find a way to break the cycle forever, to give the young races that were just now creating their own civilizations a chance to defeat the Reapers.

They decided to focus their attention on the keepers, who were controlled by the Citadel. Before each invasion a signal was sent to the station which in turn sent a signal to the keepers directing them to activate the relay. After decades of study the researchers found a way to alter this signal. Using the Conduit they traveled to the Citadel and made the modification. Undoubtedly they also died there, the Conduit was only a one way prototype, without any food or water besides what they carried on themselves the researchers had known it was a suicide mission from the beginning. They had succeeded though, this time when the signal was sent to the Citadel the keepers ignored it. The Reaper had to find another way. The prothean researchers' sacrifice, their last act of defiance against the machines that had destroyed their entire race, was the only reason the Reaper invasion had not already begun. Why Sovereign had to use Saren to find the Conduit and a back way into the Citadel.

Shepard was ready to leave. Virgil had given them a data file which would corrupt the Citadel's security protocols, allowing them to take temporary control of the station. With it, they hopefully had a chance to stop this, to prevent Saren from giving control of the station over to Sovereign.

If Saren succeeded, then Sovereign would activate the relay and the Reaper fleet would pour in from dark space starting the cycle of extinction yet again. Then all of them, human, turian, salarian, asari, quarian, volus, elcor, hanar, drell and batarian would all die, down to the very last member of their respective species. Sovereign had lured Saren in by promising that if he helped the Reapers some of them would be allowed to live, but it was even clearer to Shepard than it had been before that Sovereign's promises to Saren had all been a lie. The Reapers would not permit any of them to live this time, not after what the Protheans had done. This time even the keepers would be destroyed and replaced by controlled geth that the Reapers would be certain could not be interfered with in the same way.

"Saren's got enough of a head start," Shepard said, "Grab that data file and let's go."

"Shepard are you sure," Liara pleaded with her, "Who knows how much longer Vigil will be here? Even now the projection is weak this might be our only chance to speak with it, our only link to the knowledge of the Protheans. It is the opportunity of a lifetime." She stared at the VI longingly; a child in a candy store window staring at all the treats inside with wide eyes had nothing on the asari right now. Shepard was torn between finding Liara's reaction impossibly endearing and wanting to shake her for forgetting about the urgency of the moment, Saren was getting farther ahead of them every second.

A pang of emotion swept though Shepard like a chill winter's breeze, mingled heartbreaking sorrow, longing, and resigned acceptance. Remembering this after what had happened this morning was so very hard. In that instant her control faltered and a swirling storm of memories swept through her.

'I'm sorry for dying,' -- the last frantic gasp for a breath only there was no air -- the blackness of space and the white shinning planet – her acceptance that death was inevitable -- the plea Liara and her crew remained safe -- the knowledge of what she was leaving undone, the Reapers. 'I'm sorry for leaving you alone' -- tears welling in Liara's beautiful blue eyes, "If I let myself...and you died...I can't, not again." Her very soul cried out in pain at those tears, at being the cause of them, and then Shepard ruthlessly clamped down on her emotions. She was not alone; she could not do this now.

"_Echant rahm_," Lindariel's voice whispered calmly in her mind. Build a wall. "_Echant paran hím rahm_," the Elder's voice instructed. Build a smooth, cool wall. "_Mín laith ar' rín._" Between the emotions and the memories. "_Halad ar' ním ar' hím ar' dínen._" Tall and white and cool and still. Shepard pushed back the memories and the pain, quickly rebuilding her mental walls against them, until they rose smooth and tall and walling away everything she had not intended to share with the justicar.

Now she was left with her profound embarrassment that her control had been so poor that they had broken through in the first place and that she had subjected Samara to them. It was inexcusably rude of her, a mark against her honor and her families honor…Shepard's thoughts stilled for a moment as she realized that she was still thinking like a Prothean. This was embarrassing yes, and perhaps rude, but she hadn't stained her entire families honor, necessitating some recompense to Samara and her family for her shameful loss of control during a meld. Shepard felt a mental touch from the justicar, a moment of reassurance, that the asari was not offended and then the meld was broken. She opened her eyes, looked over at the justicar.

Samara stared at her, her still expression indecipherable. Though she was fairly certain her expression was even, inside Shepard was cringing in embarrassment. Samara probably thought she had melded with a madwoman by now. "The cipher included complete prothean memories," the justicar commented.

Expecting something completely different, Samara's remark caught Shepard off guard. It took her a moment to manage to reply, "Much of it is simply fragments, but yes, it does contain a few complete memories from individual Protheans."

"Witnessing Lindariel's memories was an interesting experience, as was feeling your mind shift between two distinct cultural viewpoints." What was interesting was how disturbed by this Samara sounded. "Shepard, from what I just experienced, I believe your mind is trying to integrate the prothean memories you received with the cipher with your own as if they were your own."

Shepard nodded, her brow furrowing with confusion, why was this an issue? "They are. My mind is making new connections to the memories as I remember them." Hesitantly she confessed, "Most of the memories the cipher contained are still locked away within my mind, waiting to be found."

Samara looked thoughtful, and then she gave a slow nod, "You did not obtain them through a bonding meld, so your mind is connecting to them as they are found. That makes sense." The justicar's pale blue eyes locked with Shepard's light grey ones, "My concern is with the mental confusion you felt. I believe you are beginning to think of them as your own memories, as if you actually lived that life. Young asari are taught how to keep such memories separate from their own to prevent just such a thing from occurring. There are meditation exercises we are taught that allow us to keep our sense of self separate from whatever memories we may experience while joining." Samara paused, a frown forming on her elegant features, "Asari have evolved to keep these memories physically separate from our own, making this possible. I am uncertain however, exactly how your mind has physically stored these memories."

"The same as an asari's actually," Shepard replied, relieved that was indeed the case, "Dr. Chakwas was surprised; humans don't usually store memories there. Humans usually store memories gained during a meld exactly as if they were our own."

Samara looked briefly surprised, and then she nodded, "I cannot promise that the meditation exercises we teach our children would help you as asari use the partner's cultural memories during a joining to understand their memories," she cautioned. "We do not physically receive a set of cultural memories as the cipher gave you. But they might be of assistance to you, and I would be pleased to teach you them if you wish to learn."

Shepard didn't even have to think about it, "I would be thankful for any help Samara. The prothean memories that I've uncovered so far have been both interesting and useful to me and I know I would have enjoyed meeting with and talking to both Instructor Suiadan and Elder Instructor Lindariel when they were still alive. The Prothean's culture has much to admire in it and I've found learning about it fascinating. But starting to think more like a prothean than a human...that's not so fascinating," she said wryly.

Samara inclined her head a brief smile curving her lips before her expression returned to a more tranquil one, "Having such memories will change you," she stated to Shepard, "that is simply part of experiencing them. However, that does not mean they should change who you are fundamentally."

Shepard nodded, Samara was right, having access to the prothean memories had started to change the way she did things before she died, and the process had only accelerated afterward. One example of that was the way she used her biotic charge now, and she hadn't even realized why it had changed until she actually recalled Instructor Suiadan's memories. "Both Instructor Suiadan and Elder Instructor Lindariel's memories have been of great use to me," Shepard admitted. She paused, and then added softly, "Lindariel's experience and wisdom in particular have recently been of great comfort to me."

The justicar did not say anything in response to this; the asari only returned her gaze with serene composure. "Well, there's still Saren's memory to go over," Shepard finally said, it was time to get back to what they had been doing before.

"You do not need to share any more memories for me to believe you Shepard," Samara responded before she got any further, "simply telling me will be enough." Shepard lowered her gaze, wondering what exactly the justicar as seen or sensed that she would make such a statement. "I do not wish to intrude on your grief again," Samara said, almost as if she had read the Commander's thoughts. Ah, Shepard grimaced, she couldn't really blame the asari for being doubtful that she could maintain her emotional barriers, after all she had just lost control of them. Once again the justicar responded as if she could read the Commander's very thoughts, "You should not feel any shame at mourning your loss, Shepard. You still care for her quite deeply," Samara said quietly, and to Shepard's surprise there was gentle understanding in her pale blue eyes.

She wasn't prepared for that, tears pricked, Shepard took in a deep calming breath, and nodded. Samara was correct; she was nearing the end of her ability to push aside these emotions. Obviously she couldn't even control her visible expression at the moment given how accurately the justicar was reading her. "You're probably right," her voice was slightly hoarse. Shepard paused to clear her throat before continuing, "We left the archives and went back to the mako. Vigil had lowered the barrier curtains so the way was clear for us to continue on. We ran into a few geth blocking the way, but they weren't a match for the mako's weapons, they only slowed us down a little bit. Then we saw the conduit ahead, Tali got readings off of it and started yelling that it was about to shut down in twenty seconds. We were about three thousand meters away at the top of an incline and there were four colossi guarding it. I gunned the mako and started swerving from side to side. I'm still surprised that we made it, but we did, enough of their fire missed that the mako was still in once piece when we got to the conduit and entered the relay."

"You can probably guess that the other end of the trip was the Mass Relay Monument on the Citadel's Presidium. Tali, Liara and I crawled out of the mako, which had landed on its side and started fighting the geth nearby. I never thought I'd see the Citadel that way," Shepard confided, "fires everywhere, the lighting flickering, warning klaxons sounding and the sound of gunfire and fighting. We started taking the elevator up to the tower but the geth stopped it, so we broke the glass and started up on the outside of the shaft. We ran into a lot of geth, even a geth dropship, fortunately Tali and I managed to manually bring online some of the tower's defensive turrets. They destroyed it, and we were finally able to reach the Council chambers at the top of the tower. That's when we saw Saren, just like Vigil had told us he led us to the stations main control terminal. Right at the end of the petitioner's platform, no one had ever even suspected it was there."

"Saren told me Sovereign had implanted him, that after our talk on Virmire he had begun to have doubts about what he was doing. The Reaper sensed it and implanted him to keep him under control." Shepard shook her head; the memory of Saren trying to persuade her to join Sovereign still shocked the hell out of her. How could Saren have even thought he was doing anything but wasting his breath? "Saren even tried to get me to join him, trying to claim that what Sovereign had turned him into was a symbiotic relationship between machine and flesh. That it was the evolution of all organic life."

"I argued with him, told him to just step aside and let me stop the invasion that we hadn't lost yet. He argued that the beacon visions proved the Reapers were too powerful to stop forever." Shepard paused, the memory of crouching at the foot of the staircase, her pistol drawn and held stiffly. Not sure that arguing with him was the right course of action because she knew Sovereign was trying to take control of the station at this very moment and maybe Saren was just stalling her. "I still don't know why what I said got through to him," Shepard said, shaking her head, "I only pointed out that part of him still realized that this was wrong, that he could fight it. Saren admitted that maybe I was right, but then the implants…he screamed at the pain," she said grimly. "I rose out of cover to talk with him face to face, see if there wasn't something..." Her voice trailed off, she shook her head, her jaw set grimly. "As soon as our eyes met, we both knew there wasn't, those implants... He said it, told me it was too late for him." Shepard drew in a deep breath, "Then he drew his pistol, placed it underneath his jaw, thanked me and then shot himself though the head. He just toppled," she remembered, "fell down into the atrium area below." She looked up at Samara, who hadn't interrupted her throughout her entire recitation of the events. The justicar's gaze was intent as the asari listened to her, her expression serene, her body language alert but relaxed as Samara waited for her to continue.

Which was what Shepard did, "After that, we used Vigil's data file to take control of the station and unlock the relays letting the Fifth Fleet in to attack the geth outside the station while they were separated from Sovereign and distracted with their attack on the Destiny's Ascension. The Fifth Fleet successfully destroyed all the geth ships allowing the Ascension to escape with the Council, and then I opened the station arms and every remaining ship began to attack Sovereign."

"While that was happening, I ordered Tali and Liara to go down and make sure Saren was actually dead. I didn't want Sovereign to somehow use his body. Unfortunately that accomplished exactly what I wanted to prevent, no sooner had they made sure of his death than somehow Sovereign activated his implants." Shepard shuddered, "It was a terrible sight, the flesh had been burnt off Saren's body until only bone and the implants remained. We fought that thing for almost three minutes, but we had good weapons and good armor and we brought it down."

"Maybe it was just coincidence and the Fleet broke though Sovereign's shields at the same moment, or maybe there was a link between it and the Reaper, either way Sovereign's shields did come down almost the exact moment when we killed it and the fleet took Sovereign down."

Shepard didn't feel like discussing the too close brush with death that came immediately afterward when a piece of Sovereign came crashing through the large window behind where the Council usually stood. "So," she asked Samara, not wanting to put off hearing the justicar's judgment any longer, "do you believe me?"

Samara returned her gaze, her expression gravely serious, "Yes, Shepard I do," the asari said, her tone matching her expression, "I cannot see any other way to interpret your discussion with Vigil other than to accept that what it said was true, and your discussion with Saren supports that explanation as well."

Shepard let out her breath in a quiet sigh of relief, "Thank you, Samara."

The justicar gave her a searching look, "No thanks are needed Shepard, I am merely accepting the truth, no matter how unpleasant it is to contemplate. I have been a justicar for many centuries and I have seen many things, evil never goes away just because one wishes it did not exist." What could Shepard add to that except her agreement, she nodded. After a moment the asari said, "I am curious, you speak as if the Council does not support your actions and yet you mentioned reporting to them and you retain your Spectre status. The Collectors are operating outside of Council space and yet your mission is to stop them."

"Not to mention that I'm working with Cerberus, who the Council has declared a terrorist organization?" Shepard added wryly and Samara regally inclined her head in acknowledgement. "The Council reinstated my Spectre status so long as I stayed out in the Terminus systems while working with Cerberus. Not that I wanted to work with them, but the Council refused to do anything about the Collector attacks. Leaving Cerberus as my only option if I wanted to find out what the Collectors were doing, and whether they were tied to the Reapers somehow."

"The Council plays a dangerous game," the justicar noted, a note of disapproval creeping into her voice.

Shepard was very impressed, Samara didn't have a lot of information to base her deduction upon, "I wasn't in the best shape to be dealing with them," she admitted her hand rising unconsciously to rub her cheek and jaw, remembering what she had looked like then, the glowing orange of the implants underneath her skin. "It only occurred to me later that maybe all of them weren't quite as dismissive of my Reaper claims as Councilor Metelleus. I know that Councilor Anderson isn't and I'd guess that Councilors Valern and Tevos aren't either, even if it's only to cover every possible contingency."

Samara nodded, "You are their guarantee in case they are incorrect and the Reapers are not just a myth."

"That is one possibility," Shepard commented. Then she sighed, "Or maybe we're reading too much into it and I'm too much of a political hotcake for them to risk offending Anderson and the Alliance and they just wanted me and my crazy ideas out of the way. It's hard to tell with those three, but one thing's for certain they had already decided to reinstate it before hand." Samara looked at her curiously. Shepard smirked, "They're rather obvious. If they want to make it look like their minds aren't already made up, they need to at least have the appearance of having a discussion about things before they declare their decision," Shepard stated dryly.

Again Samara's only reaction was the barest twitch of her lips in response to the Spectre's humor. "The Code binds me to your larger mission Shepard," the justicar said, she hesitated for a second before continuing, "It is difficult to envision a greater threat to innocent lives than these Reapers, thus I will extend my oath to your mission to destroy them." Again she paused, her lips pressing into a thin line for a moment before continuing, "And I will accept your offer to assist me with tracking down my fugitive as well. Defeating the Reapers will not be an easy task and it might also be a long one. I do not wish to think of her being free to continue her killing while I am bound by my oath to your mission."

Shepard nodded, it was something she had considered as well, that she might not live to see the Reapers make their final effort. It all depended on too much, and for all she knew it might drag out into a very long stalemate. The reapers unable to make the trip in by FTL drive from where they were located out in dark space and unable to activate the relay. "As I said," Shepard restated the promise she had made earlier, "so long as it doesn't endanger the mission, just let me know where she is when you find out where that ship went and I'll be happy to help you track her down and stop her."

"Thank you Shepard," Samara replied.

The Commander waved it away, "No need; she's a serial killer isn't she?"

The justicar stiffened and then nodded, "She is."

Shepard eyed her curiously, that was an odd response, "Why the special name?" It was something that sparked her interest, why would a serial killer be referred to by a word from a dead Asari dialect? Why demon of the night winds?

Samara lowered her head; Shepard observed the asari's jaw tighten perceptibly revealing the justicar's sudden disturbance. It was an odd reaction. "I hope you will understand if I wish to avoid this topic for now. It is deeply tied to my code and my beliefs," Samara said, she looked directly at Shepard, "You might say it is personal."

Shepard got the clear message underneath the justicar's words, please drop the subject. "So, do you want the long or short version of my suspicions regarding Cerberus?" She asked, completely changing the subject.

It took Samara a second to reply, "I would rather form my own impressions about them, if you do not mind Shepard. I learned long ago that there is too much room for interpretation in the opinions of others."

The Commander nodded, "Short version of my personal opinions it is then." As much as the justicar might like to form her own opinions, she needed to know Shepard's suspicions. "As I said, I think Cerberus has another hidden agenda behind their support of us going after the Collectors. I know the Illusive Man put out misinformation before I ever woke up to make it seem as if I was working with Cerberus for several months before I ever did anything with them." That still made her mad. "I'm pretty sure he's the reason that the Council hardly wanted to talk with me when I spoke to them. He didn't want me to have any other option than to continue working with Cerberus. Finally, he has a lot of information about the Collectors and the Reapers, probably enough to persuade the Council once and for all that the threat is real. He hasn't, despite his claim that he will do whatever is needed to defeat the Reapers. I believe he's purposefully keeping the Council in the dark. He doesn't want them to be ready, not before he can make sure that humanity will emerge as the strongest species at the end of the battle." Shepard shook her head, "He's endangering us all with his obsession. I can't permit that."

"Yet all you have are your suspicions," Samara stated perceptively.

Shepard nodded reluctantly, "I know he's lying to me, he hides it very well but there are little tells left in his expression and mannerism. But your right," she admitted, "I have no hard proof of anything, just my experiences with Cerberus before I died and several smaller things that are adding up to a nasty bigger picture in my mind now." She said it without really considering that Samara did not already know of her death, even thought the justicar must have glimpsed it in her mind during that short time when her mental barriers faltered.

The justicar eyed her intently, "Shepard, you have mentioned waking up several times now. I saw your thoughts earlier, and just now you stated that you died."

Shepard drew in a breath, damn it she was off her game today. She was not sure she wanted to really get into this, but she was the one who had brought it up in the first place. It was certainly understandable that Samara would be curious about it. "I briefly woke up in a medical bay maybe five or six months ago, but my body wasn't fully healed yet and they immediately re-sedated me. I woke up again just over two months ago to the sound of gunfire and the news that someone was trying to kill me…again. Then I found out I'd been dead or unconscious for almost two years while Cerberus rebuilt my body. The last thing I remember before that was the Normandy being destroyed by a Collector vessel, my hard suit's air supply getting punctured and then dying."

Samara stared at her, her eyes a little wider than normal; otherwise there was little visible reaction to Shepard's statement. Finally the justicar said, "I had thought perhaps that you had been saved."

She wished, "No, I was definitely dead when Cerberus got their hands on me," Shepard replied, her voice underlain with a faint bitter bleakness.

The asari immediately noticed it, she frowned, "You do not wish to be alive?"

"I…" Shepard stopped, shook her head and returned the justicar's gaze, "You know you're the first person to actually ask me that." She let out an explosive breath, "Honestly I'm torn. The Reapers have to be stopped. If for that reason alone I'm ok about Cerberus bringing me back to stop them." She turned her gaze to the window on the far side of the room, the bit of blue sky she could see from this angle. Just for a brief moment, anguish and longing twisted her features. Amanda knew what she felt, and what she had dreamt about. Even if she had never said it aloud before or even allowed herself to think about it too much. She believed that she had been somewhere and that wherever she had been it was everything and more she had ever been told it would be. But Amanda was a little afraid of people's reactions if she claimed that she had been to some type of afterlife, and all she had were vague nebulous feelings that could just as easily be accounted to drug muddled dreams while she was kept unconscious. Shepard shook her head, "It doesn't matter, I'm here now and we have several missions to accomplish." She looked down at her omni-tool, "We should probably get moving, it's been just over an hour since we arrived."

Shepard finally looked back over at the justicar. Samara was staring at her, her pale blue eyes intent, but after a moment the asari nodded, letting the subject drop as the Commander had with the subject of the Ardat-Yakshi earlier. "Very well, Shepard," she replied and gracefully rose from the bed. Shepard joined her and the two of them went in search of Garrus and Tali. It was time to return to the Normandy.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The Mass Effect universe is the property of Bioware/Electronic Arts. No infringement of these copyrights is intended as this is a not for profit fan fiction work.
> 
> Warning: none
> 
> Notes: This is inspired by the Beyonce song "Save the Hero," from the album I am…Sasha Fierce. This is an Alternate Universe story.
> 
> Rating: Teen
> 
> Feedback: Always welcome, feedback is what encourages me to keep writing. Please let me know what you like and what you dislike about the story.
> 
> Errors and Corrections: Yes, please let me know about any errors you see so that I can correct them. This is un-beta'ed so it probably has a few.
> 
> Revision History: 04/25/2010

**Normandy – Captain's Quarters**

Samara was settled into the port side Observation room on deck three, the justicar having stated a preference for looking out into space. Or the great empty void, as Samara had termed it. They were docked, nothing required the Commander's attention before tomorrow, and Miranda was certainly capable of making sure the crewmembers enjoying a night out in Nos Astra returned to the ship safely. Shepard finally had a chance to go to her quarters, remove and clean her armor. Now and only now, did Shepard feel as if she were finally free to take some much needed time for herself.

Amanda stripped, went into the bathroom, shut the door behind her and started the shower. Garrus and Tali had both swept her quarters for electronics, but she knew EDI regularly monitored the state of the crew as part of the AI's duties. It wasn't meant to be intrusive, even though it of course was, but for the crews safety. In case someone was hurt, the AI would be aware of it and could alert Dr. Chakwas or the nearest crewmember. This though, Shepard didn't want anyone to know about, and she definitely didn't want any questions from EDI tonight asking if she needed help. Or worse, the AI deciding to inform Yeoman Chambers that Shepard needed a visit from the ships psychologist because the Commander was crying in her quarters.

She stepped underneath the stream of warm water and began to soap up, letting the familiar actions of bathing and washing her hair soothe her. When she was done, she rinsed off. Given the situation, it wasn't a surprise that the warm shower hadn't relaxed her all that much. It was time to deal with what had happened this morning. Taking in a deep breath Amanda let fall the walls she had kept between her and her emotions for most of the day. Pain, loss, sorrow, she went to her knees, her legs suddenly weak at the force of her grief. She fought to keep from making a sound, though all she wanted to do was crawl in the corner and sob without regard for who or what might overhear her.

Liara oh Liara, oh my love, I never meant to hurt you. Amanda wrapped her arms around herself, huddled against the corner of the shower and let the warm water run over her, mingling with and washing away her tears as they formed. They would not be together, not experience whatever the future brought to them side by side, supporting and protecting one another. Never again would she feel Liara's distinctive touch in her mind, never again would she touch the asari's body and bring her to sweet pleasure. Nor would they experience the more mundane pleasures of life like simply sitting and talking, eating together, or just sleeping curled up with one another. It was bitter and hard, and Amanda knew that the aching emptiness in her life that she had lived with ever since she woke up… she would just have to continue living with it, because Liara would not be there to fill the void.

Sometime later her tears slowed and then stopped. Feeling wrung out and exhausted from her emotions, Amanda rose slowly to her feet. She turned off the shower and reached for the towel hanging on a rod nearby. Methodically she began drying herself; she glanced over at the small information display for the time. It had only been twenty five or so minutes since she had stepped into the shower. Amanda was surprised; it certainly felt as if she had been in there for longer than that. But she guessed not, apparently it hadn't been that long at all.

She dried her hair and then stepped up to the mirror checking her appearance. When she caught herself checking out her eyes for any tell tale orange glow, Amanda shook her head at herself. Her implants were doing fine; it had been weeks since everything had healed up and her remaining biological systems and cybernetic implants fully integrated. She knew why she had looked though. It had taken Miranda and her team almost two full years to rebuild her and Liara had probably known how bad a shape her body had been in when the asari gave it to Cerberus. Amanda bowed her head, no wonder Liara had lost hope and moved on thinking that Cerberus had failed, that it had been an impossible task. She turned away from the mirror, hung up the now damp towel and exited the small bathroom. Going down stairs and to the small closet inset into the wall, Amanda began dressing.

What would Lindariel have done if her love had unexpectedly come back? Even after several years? The thought popped up unexpectedly in her mind. Amanda knew the answer; the prothean woman would have welcomed him back with overwhelming joy, and rejoiced that he was with her again. She felt a flicker of resentment towards Liara, that she hadn't been able to do that. Of course Lindariel's mate hadn't had a dangerous profession, there wouldn't have been any reason for the Elder Instructor to fear that he might be dead again in a few months time. Leaving her alone…again.

Amanda sighed and bowed her head, no matter what it always came down to that, trying to save the galaxy was not a safe occupation. But what else could she do? The Reapers had to be stopped. If they weren't, then no one would have a safe or long life, not her, not Liara, not anyone. She turned, made her way up the stairs and to her desk. She picked up the picture frame as it activated, Liara. Amanda trailed her fingers over the picture of the asari. She had to let Liara go, let the asari live her own life while hoping that she didn't get lost in her quest to find the Shadow Broker. The anger she had seen worried her but...she couldn't do anything about it now, not when simply being together hurt both of them so much. Maybe later, maybe when everything wasn't so raw between them they could talk about it again. Amanda opened a drawer, gently placed the picture frame face down inside, and then closed it. She didn't need the constant reminder of what she had lost in plain sight every time she walked by this way or used her desk.

She smiled bitterly at her acceptance of the situation. She knew why this felt the way it did, and why this morning had just been the confirmation that their relationship was over. This morning had simply given her the answer to the question of why it was over. She had known something was wrong from her first meeting with Liara, but in truth it had begun well before that. Amanda knew she had in many ways already been mourning the end of their relationship well before even having arrived on Illium. It had been as if she had somehow known, despite how much she had hoped she was wrong, that things weren't going to work out well for them.

 

**Normandy – Port side Observation Room**

Samara had stated nothing more than the truth when she said that she needed to meditate on the day's events. When the day had begun, the justicar had thought there would be nothing more important in her life than tracking down Mirala and permanently stopping the Ardat-Yakshi from adding any more bodies to the trail of dead the asari left behind her. She had thought that the current state of galactic affairs would more or less continue on as they had been, and certainly had no reason to fear that her entire race as well as every other advanced race was in danger of extinction. Now, in the space of a few hours, all of that had changed.

When Samara found out she would have to leave asari space to follow Mirala's trail, she had immediately begun to prepare for it, all too aware that things had changed since she had last traveled outside of asari space over four hundred years ago. Thus she had researched the current state of galactic affairs and investigated the most recent newcomers to Citadel space, humanity. As a race Samara had found them fascinating. Certainly she understood why the other Citadel races were taken aback and wary of them. Given what the race had accomplished in such a short period of time, it was clear that what was commonly said about them was most likely true. That as a race they were very intelligent, abnormally ambitious, highly adaptable, relentlessly curious, and had a powerful desire to prove and advance themselves. They were the most individualistic of all the known races, which made them unpredictable as a species, and their history showed that they could be very aggressive. Little wonder that the Council races, which had been used to a fairly static status quo for over a thousand years, had been thrown into turmoil when the human's conflict with the turian's had thrust humanity into the galactic scene.

Samara had known from the first moment her eyes met the human's gray ones that the female she was facing was a formidable warrior. You did not survive as a justicar for as long as she had without being able to take a person's measure at a glance. And then Shepard had introduced herself, the first human accepted by the Council to be a Spectre, the Savior of the Citadel. Among a race noted for their individuality, their drive and ambition, Shepard had stood out above the rest of her race enough that the Council had taken notice of her.

She had read about Shepard while researching humans, knew some of the human's past. Samara knew that Shepard was an officer in the Alliance Military and a graduate of their Special Forces program. That as a young officer she had successfully led the ground teams on Elysium and held off a large force of mercenaries and pirates until the Alliance Navy arrived to drive the attacking force away and had received the Star of Terra, the human militaries highest award, for her actions. Then, two years ago, Shepard had been inducted by the Council as the first human Spectre. She had stopped the rogue Spectre Saren in his attempt to lead a geth attack on the Citadel itself, and the Spectre's orders to the Alliance's Fifth Fleet during the attack had been the sole reason the Destiny's Ascension, the Citadel fleet's flagship, and the Council had survived the attack.

The revelation of Shepard's identity was certainly enough to raise Samara's interest in the human by itself, and then the Spectre had requested her assistance for a mission against the Collectors. The justicar knew more than most about the enigmatic race, for one thing she knew they were real and not myths. When she was a maiden, she, along with several slaves that had been intended for trade with them, had narrowly escaped capture by them. Only the fact that Samara had managed to pilot the ship she was on through the nearest mass relay and to safety moments before the Collector ship arrived had spared them. The justicar had no idea what the Collectors might want with over a million live humans, but she suspected their intentions were not benign. No one actually knew what the Collectors did with those they collected because none of their captives had ever escaped.

Samara wasn't free to accept the Spectre's offer though, no matter how intriguing it sounded. The Code obligated her to continue following Mirala. Then Detective Anaya had arrived with orders to detain her. Shepard had quickly stepped in, seeking a way to avoid a confrontation between the justicar and the Illium police. Samara had immediately seen a way; if she joined the Spectre's mission the detective would release her. The detective had already stated that she wouldn't be able to release the justicar from detention before the twenty four hours of cooperation permitted by the Code were completed. That meant that she would have to fight her way free and the justicar knew that no matter how hard she tried, innocents were likely to be killed during her attempt. Also, there was a chance that, knowing when she would be compelled by the Code to seek her freedom in order to resume her investigation, the officers might kill her, thus allowing Mirala to continue her killing unhindered by Samara's pursuit. The Code demanded that she protect the innocent over punishing the unjust, if she saw a way out of this situation she was honor bound to take it.

She had made her offer to Shepard, if the human would find the name of the ship Mirala, or Morinth as she was going by now, had left on then she would join the human's mission. Given what she knew about the Spectre's past, Samara had expected Shepard to succeed. Samara hadn't, however, expected to see the human less than an hour later or with a young Eclipse mercenary as her prisoner. The Justicar was immediately aware of what that implied about the Spectre's actions during the past hour. Her investigation into the mercenary group indicated that the local Eclipse sisterhood under Captain Wasea numbered around forty or so members. Samara strongly suspected that all of them, except for the young Eclipse sister who was the human's prisoner, were now dead. Shepard and her two companions were efficient and deadly, it made the Spectre's concerns about the one Eclipse Lieutenant Samara had killed and the strict nature of the Justicar Code all the more intriguing to the justicar.

As Samara had listened to the human Spectre talk to the detective, the justicar learned that Shepard had went far beyond what the asari had asked of her, and had acted on her own volition to aid the local police in solving several of their cases. In addition to the name of the ship, the human had obtained the evidence necessary to bring Pitne For to justice for illegal smuggling, and for his involvement in the deaths of three Eclipse mercenaries. Shepard had also brought in the murderer of his partner, the human's prisoner, Elnora, the young Eclipse mercenary. The Spectre's companions had also obtained evidence detailing the Eclipse activities on Illium and handed it over to the detective. Samara had been pleased to vouch for the authenticity of the Spectre's evidence and ensure that neither the volus nor Elnora escaped justice.

Samara had not been exaggerating when she told Shepard that the human's actions had impressed her. Spectre's were usually notable for the fact that they were only accountable to the Council and were not required to obey the law if it interfered with their mission, and yet this human seemed to hold the law in high regard. Samara had only come across one other Spectre, whom she promptly began to pursue for his killing of an innocent civilian. Council business or not, his action had clearly been unjust according to the Code. Even though Samara barely knew Shepard, she did not believe the human Spectre would take the same action in the same circumstances. From Shepard's actions today, the justicar would guess that the human Spectre would capture her target and either take them in herself or turn them over to the local authorities to stand trial for their actions instead of executing them in the field.

Then they had traveled to the Nos Astra Temple of Athame, and Shepard had informed her that there was more that she needed to know about their mission. Samara had been resistant at first; the Code often compelled her to harsh action. Sometimes knowing too much about those she might be forced to kill later only made fulfilling her duty more difficult. And experience had taught the justicar to form her own opinions instead of trusting other's interpretations of events and people. Despite her resistance Shepard had persisted, and the human's manner quickly made it clear that listening to what the Spectre had to say was not actually negotiable despite the fact that it had been phased as a request.

Garrus Vakarian and Tali'Zorah vas Neema were fiercely protective of Shepard that much had been evident to her within the first five minutes of her conversation with them. They had quietly informed her of the reason that Shepard needed to meditate before melding with her. This morning, prior to her meeting with them, the relationship Shepard had been in with an asari maiden had officially ended. That had been the cause of the hint of grief in Shepard's aura Samara had noticed during their first meeting.

Tali'Zorah in particular seemed to think that the asari in question was being foolish and that Shepard would not remain single for long once she got over her current grief. There was mention of another asari already having approached the Commander with her interest in the human that Shepard had gently turned down just yesterday. Garrus mentioned some human male, Jacob, who was a member of the crew, being interested in the Commander, but then Tali had made a scoffing comment about him waiting a long time for Shepard to be attracted to any male. The turian had laughed and nodded, agreeing with her that this Jacob had absolutely no chance with the Commander. From their comments Samara gathered that Shepard had no interest in the opposite sex. She knew that while the majority of humans were interested in the opposite sex, there were also a significant number of them that were only attracted only to the same sex.

Then the conversation took on a decidedly more serious tone as they told her that there was a lot more at stake than just the actions of the Collectors. Their manner when they spoke of it made it clear that they considered the fate of the colonists, while grave, to not be as great a concern as what the Spectre wished to discuss with her now that they were away from any witnesses or listening devices. Shepard had mentioned that a greater threat might be behind the Collectors actions, and it was evident to Samara that this greater threat was what the Spectre wished to discuss here. What could overshadow the fate of over a million people? The thought was troubling to the justicar, and she pressed them for more details but the turian and quarian insisted it was Shepard's place to tell her any more.

Or rather reveal more to her within a special type of meld, apparently this would not be a very vocal discussion. If it hadn't been for the fact that the turian looked so completely serious Samara might have thought she was being joked with, after all she had already noted that both Shepard and Garrus seemed fond of witticisms and humor. A human, controlling the nature of a meld, it sounded impossible, but then Tali cagily informed her that Shepard had learned how during their search for Saren. Both of them had then refused to say anything more, telling her that it was the Commander's decision whether or not to tell her the details and giving the clear impression that Shepard would be extremely mad at them if they said anything more. In fact, they gave the clear impression that Shepard had previously reprimanded them for discussing whatever it was they weren't telling her.

Fortunately for both of them, Shepard had reappeared before their halfway revealing to her what was going on and then refusing to discuss the rest had become more than just mildly annoying. She and the Spectre had returned to the room where Shepard had recently been meditating. After a moment of tension following Shepard finding out that the three of them had discussed the Spectre's personal life, which, to Samara's own surprise, she had been able to diffuse rather easily, they had moved onto the reason for their presence at the temple. Shepard had sketched out her suspicions of Cerberus that they were supporting the mission against the Collectors for reasons other than altruism. Then quickly moved on to what Shepard had described as their actual primary mission, finding out if the Reapers were behind the Collector's actions.

Samara had never heard of such a race. Given the way Shepard was talking about them, mentioning dark space and an awaiting fleet, it certainly seemed as if she should have heard about such a threat. At that point the justicar had felt it was necessary to remind Shepard that they had discussed none of this before she gave her oath to the Spectre. The human had stared back at her with solemn light grey eyes and agreed that she would hold Samara only to the terms of her oath, assistance with defeating the Collectors, but that she hoped that the justicar would willingly extend it once the asari knew everything. The human had looked so serious and grim as she spoke…it had been awhile since anything had given Samara a chill feeling, but the Spectre's manner had at that point.

After that discussion, Samara had melded with Shepard using a prothean melding technique, which was the special type of meld Garrus and Tali had discussed so vaguely outside. Shepard didn't go into too much detail about how she had learned the technique, at least not yet, stating that the details were classified at the highest possible level, Council level classification.

Even though Shepard had told her to expect a mental barrier the actual presence of it blocking her way into the human's mind had surprised the asari. When Samara noticed the pull she had been told to watch for she went along with it, letting it pull her inside the human's mind and into Shepard's memory of her conversation with Sovereign on the planet Virmire. The giant warship that had led the geth attack on the Citadel was actually a member of a race of sentient machines that every 50,000 years wiped out all advanced organic life from the galaxy. They were the actual builders of the mass relays and the Citadel, structures that they left behind to ensure that organic life found them and then developed along the paths they wanted them to develop before harvesting and exterminating them. The justicar had also seen pieces of the prothean beacon message, horrific, nightmarish images of an entire galaxy spanning civilization utterly destroyed planet by planet. Samara now knew why those images haunted Shepard's dreams, and why the Spectre was so determined that it not be allowed to happen again.

When she had asked why she had not heard of the Reapers, Shepard had responded that the Council had decided they had insufficient evidence to believe the Reapers existed. The Council thought that Sovereign had merely been an advanced geth warship, and Shepard had been deceived by Saren. Shepard acknowledged that if the hologram were the only evidence the Spectre had that she might believe she had been deceived as well, except that one conversation with Sovereign's hologram was not the only reason the Spectre believed the Reapers were a very real threat. Shepard had also spoken to a prothean VI program on Ilos, and then to Saren on the Citadel during the attack.

The Spectre had mentioned the term indoctrination; Sovereign emitted an energy field that that allowed it to control the minds of those exposed to it. Saren, Matriarch Benezia and the disciples that had followed her had all succumbed to it and become controlled by the Reaper. At the time they were speaking of, Samara had known that Benezia was wanted for treason against the Council. All justicars had been informed of the charges, and then a few months later they had been informed of her death and then nothing else was ever officially stated about it. Now she knew why and she also knew who had killed the matriarch, Shepard, who obviously still had very conflicted feelings about it. The Spectre had talked about Benezia's good intentions, that the matriarch had joined Saren in order to persuade him to turn away from his destructive path. Only Lady Benezia had found herself facing a much different foe than the one she had thought she was facing, not Saren, but the Reaper, Sovereign.

For the first time since it had happened, Samara actually felt the impulse to freely share with someone what had happened on the asari colony world where Mirala had twisted the minds of an entire village into worshiping her. Only the children of the village had escaped the Ardat-Yakshi's control. From the way Shepard acted while speaking of Lady Benezia, Samara thought that Shepard would understand everything, the necessity of killing the controlled asari who had attacked her, her feelings of regret and sorrow at their deaths, and her anger at Mirala for what she had done to them.

Then Shepard had spoken to her in the prothean language and the human's aura had changed at the same time, something Samara would have stated was impossible before witnessing it herself. Through a second meld with Shepard she had learned about the Thorian, a sentient plant that had lived on Feros before Shepard had killed it because it had attacked her and would not give up the colonists it had enthralled. The plant had been very old, even older than the colonization of Feros by the protheans. When the protheans had come, the Thorian had studied them, and when they died it had consumed them and in doing so absorbed a portion of their memories. Saren had traded one of Benezia's disciples for this information, a prothean cipher. When Shepard killed the Thorian that disciple had been released both from its control and Sovereign's. Shiala had transferred the cipher to Shepard's mind as the asari had to Saren's, giving the human an understanding of the Protheans so that Shepard could interpret the beacon's message as something besides confusing, disconnected images.

From the memory of the Thorian, and the Spectre's discussion with Shiala, Shepard had transitioned immediately into her memory of meeting the prothean VI on Ilos. From that memory Samara had learned that the Citadel was actually an inactive mass relay connecting to dark space and where the rest of the Reaper fleet awaited. The only thing which had spared them from suffering the same fate as the Protheans already was the fact that the few prothean scientists that had survived the century's long cryogenic sleep on Ilos had used the mass relay they had built to travel from Ilos to the Citadel. Once there, they had reprogrammed the Keepers to respond only to the Citadel's control signals. Thus when Sovereign sent the Keepers the signal to activate the Citadel relay and begin the invasion nothing happened because the Keepers had ignored it. The Conduit that Saren had been searching for was the mass relay the Protheans had built on Ilos, which linked directly to the Citadel and what was thought to be merely a piece of artwork on the Presidium.

Shepard had taken the data file Vigil prepared for her to use to take temporary control of the Citadel, and was ready to leave in pursuit of Saren, when the young asari maiden accompanying Shepard, who was Matriarch Benezia's daughter Liara T'Soni, begged that they stay a little longer. Liara had wanted to ask Vigil more questions about the Prothean civilization. That was when Samara had realized from Shepard's remembered emotions towards the asari maiden that the two of them had, at the time of this memory, recently joined together. The love and exasperated affection Samara felt from Shepard towards Liara T'Soni was unmistakable. Then Shepard's mental barrier had faltered and a storm of disjointed memories swept in. Emotion so sharp and pain filled, love, regret, sorrow, memories of Shepard dying, memories of Liara T'Soni crying, telling Shepard that she couldn't fall in love with the Spectre again and then lose her a second time.

Suddenly, in an abrupt and disorienting shift of perspective and basic cultural perceptions, Shepard had begun speaking in Prothean once again. Only this time, since she was in a meld with Shepard, Samara had understood the words and had seen the prothean woman the Spectre was remembering. Samara couldn't help but be fascinated by what she was witnessing; she was experiencing the memories of a woman from a race that hadn't existed for over 50,000 years. She had been quickly shaken out of her fascination however, by Shepard's extreme embarrassment and shame at subjecting Samara to her uncontrolled feelings and thoughts and then Shepard's confusion upon realizing that she was still thinking like a Prothean. The justicar had paused long enough to reassure Shepard that she was not offended by the human's loss of control before slipping out of the meld.

Between knowing what Shiala had said about the cipher from Shepard's memories of Feros and from what she had just experienced, Samara now had a much clearer idea of what Shepard had received with the cipher, fragmented memories from thousands of protheans, which formed the prothean cultural imprint, and relatively complete memories of a few individual protheans. The fact that Shepard was only beginning to have trouble with the cipher was a testament to how strong a mind and sense of self the human possessed. Samara could only think of one thing that might help the human cope with the prothean memories she had been given, and the justicar didn't hesitate to offer to teach Shepard the meditative techniques every asari learned before they became an adult to help them cope with the memories they acquired from their partners during a joining.

Samara had commented that merely having access to the memories from the cipher would change Shepard. It was strange sharing a piece of commonly held asari wisdom with a human, but from what the asari had just seen Shepard was already making full use of whatever mental techniques and bits of wisdom she gleaned from Elder Instructor Lindariel's memories. And Samara had felt a subtle difference in Shepard's memories and the woman now before her, the earlier one simply felt younger. Perhaps it was just the experiences Shepard had gone through since then which had matured her and not her access to the prothean memories, but the asari was sure that the memories would affect Shepard in various subtle ways as the human kept accessing them. When she was a maiden Samara had learned quite a lot from the various joinings she had engaged in with others, whether with other asari or other aliens.

At that point Samara had certainly realized who the mysterious asari maiden was who had ended her relationship with Shepard that morning. And after witnessing the barrier the human had rebuilt, Samara realized that Shepard hadn't dealt with the emotions from what had happened earlier at all, she had just sealed them away. Samara had no desire to re-experience either Shepard's memories of dying, or her last meeting with Liara T'Soni if the human's mental barrier faltered again. Plus Samara was getting the impression that Shepard thought that she would not believe the Spectre unless the human shared her actual memories. It didn't take a lot of reflection to realize that the Council's continuing disbelief of Shepard's word was behind this. The justicar couldn't imagine what it felt like to the Spectre to have fought so hard to stop Saren from unleashing the Reapers upon the Galaxy and to protect the Council, and then have the very people she was protecting to turn around and tell her they didn't believe her. Not without solid, inconvertible proof that what Shepard was telling them was real. No wonder Shepard had looked at her so gratefully when Samara had vouched for the evidence the Spectre had found to the detective. As a justicar Samara was used to her word being implicitly believed, from what she had observed so far Shepard had become used to exactly the opposite.

Suddenly this form of melding began to take on troubling aspects to the justicar. Yes, it was a quicker way to get information than telling it, and there wasn't the danger of being overheard and thus particularly suited to clandestine activities, but there were reasons why information obtained though a meld wasn't admissible evidence in the asari legal system. It wasn't legal because the asari did not want such evidence to become the only evidence that would be accepted. A meld was always intrusive to a person's privacy; the person sharing memories not only shared the actual events of what had happened but their own emotions and thoughts about what they were witnessing. Thus to prevent the information obtained though a meld from becoming the only way an asari could prove their innocence, and thus essentially being forced upon anyone accused of a crime in order to clear their name, any information obtained through a meld was invalid as evidence and had been for many millennium.

"You do not need to share any more memories for me to believe you Shepard," she had told Shepard, "simply telling me will be enough." When Shepard lowered her eyes and looked troubled Samara had gone with the easiest explanation, "I do not wish to intrude on your grief again." The Spectre had grimaced at that comment, as if the fact that she was hurting was something to be ashamed about.

Samara had not seen much, but she had seen enough to tell that Liara T'Soni had ended the relationship not because she did not love Shepard, but perhaps because she had loved Shepard too well and too intensely. And Shepard certainly still loved and cared for the young asari maiden. The justicar had no idea how the two of them had become separated, or why Liara had thought Shepard had been dead, but it was clear that the young asari had believed that and believed it for an extended period of time.

So much guilt, sorrow and pain between the two of them, and Liara T'Soni was so very young, barely an adult, just at the beginning of her maidenhood with centuries of learning about and experiencing the galaxy ahead of her. To have found someone she wanted to become bondmates with at such a young age and then to lose them… Samara herself had lost her own bondmate through circumstances that had driven them apart after nearly a century together, each with a full burden of guilt and grief. "You should not feel any shame at mourning your loss, Shepard. You still care for her quite deeply," she said to the Spectre.

Shepard's reaction, the flash of pain across her face, the sudden inhalation of breath, betrayed how close to the surface the human's pain was, mental barriers notwithstanding. The human nodded, "You're probably right," she agreed. Shepard's tale, even as bare of detail as it was, made it clear that it had been quite a battle to make it to the Council chambers at the top of the tower. There Shepard had managed to talk Saren into believing that there was still a chance for the galaxy, that despite what he had seen in the beacon message it didn't have to end that way this time. Controlled by the cybernetics Sovereign had implanted in him since his last meeting with Shepard on Virmire and where she had planted the first doubts in his mind that cooperating with Sovereign was the right path, the turian had done the only thing he could still do to help Shepard, take his own life.

The Spectre had then used Vigil's data file to take control of the station and open the surrounding mass relays, commanding the human fleet to jump in and destroy the geth fleet outside the Citadel, clearing the way for the Ascension to escape with the Council. Shepard had then opened the stations arms so that the human fleet could attack Sovereign, and ordered Tali and Liara to make sure Saren was actually dead. Sovereign had then activated Saren's implants and taken control of the turian's dead body, using it to attack the trio. Shepard's description had sounded rather gruesome, fighting a reanimated corpse whose flesh had been burned away, leaving only a skeleton and implants. Shepard and her two companions had destroyed it, and the human fleet had destroyed Sovereign, preventing it from activating the Citadel relay and opening the way for the Reaper fleet. The thought of how close the Reaper had come to succeeding was a chilling one to Samara.

Samara had been uncertain about the Reaper hologram, it was after all possible after all that Saren had created it as the Council had suggested. The prothean VI, however, that was impossible to ignore. Saren hadn't even known about its existence. No, in this case the simplest explanation was also the likeliest, the Reapers were real. It was not a pleasant truth to accept, that there was a race of powerful sentient machines that apparently existed only to exterminate all advanced organic life every 50,000 or so years. Never would Samara have expected that her way of avoiding a confrontation with the Ilium police would lead to this, finding out about a threat to her entire race as well as every other space faring sentient race in the galaxy. The extent of the danger imperiling them was almost overwhelming.

Samara's concentration broke, she let the biotic energy she had been controlling fade away as she opened her eyes and looked out the observation window before her. This side of the ship faced out over the city instead of the docking platform. It was night, and the view of Nos Astra was actually quite beautiful with the tall buildings lit up against the darkness and the lights of the air cars forming long streams of movement through the city. The thought of its skies being darkened by Reaper ships, its varied citizens, whether asari, turian, salarian or human or any of the other various races that called Illium home, running terrified before mechanical hordes trying to escape their deaths...

Samara decried the soulless corporate existence so many of Illium's citizens embraced, but to think of every single being who lived here being killed, all these buildings being razed to the ground, all of their accomplishments, no matter what value she might place on them, being erased as if they had never existed. Samara's eyes narrowed, her entire being rebelled against the very idea of such a thing happening here or on any world. Shepard was right; the Reapers were an evil which had to be opposed and defeated.

The justicar turned her thoughts to what had happened earlier once again. When Shepard had asked her if she believed what the Spectre had told her, Samara had replied that she did, and then Shepard had thanked her. After sharing so much of herself, her memories and her emotions and reactions at the time of them and the human had thanked Samara for believing that the Spectre was telling her the truth. Samara frowned, that was disturbing, it didn't seem as if Shepard questioned the truth of what she had witnessed, but the Spectre certainly seemed to have lost faith that other people would believe her word.

Samara had said that the Council played a dangerous game in using the Spectre as a contingency plan in case they were wrong about the Reapers. She hadn't yet known how dangerous a game the Council played until they had touched on Shepard's death.

What the asari had seen and felt, being unable to breathe, her hope that the crew would be rescued and the sight of a cold white planet filling Shepard's vision, had indeed been the Spectre's memories of her own death. Samara hadn't missed the human's use of the word rebuilt when she spoke of Cerberus bringing her back to life, or Shepard's expression when she touched her own face. Something about what Cerberus had done to her body to bring her back to life deeply unsettled the human. Samara also hadn't missed the look on Shepard's face when she had asked if the Spectre wanted to be alive. The human's words, if Shepard had spoken them, would have only been confirmation that Shepard was convinced she had been pulled from the Goddess's embrace to return here. As if those burden's weren't enough, there was the Prothean cipher Shepard had been given to help her understand the beacon's message, and what would undoubtedly be a struggle to keep her sense of self intact.

So much dedication and drive in the Spectre, and yet underneath it all there was a worrying fragility due to the staggering amount of personal difficulties the human was facing. It was clear to the justicar that it was only the strength of character and innate sense of duty which Shepard possessed that kept the human focused on and moving towards her goal. She did it in the midst of what she obviously thought of as her enemies, with only a few trusted individuals to support her. She did it despite the fact that she felt that the Council had abandoned and turned their backs on her. The unyielding resolve, the relentless determination and unflinching sense of duty that the human showed, all of it was directed toward ensuring that the Reapers did not destroy all of them. Samara was honored that she was now included in the small number of those Shepard felt she could trust. And she was pleased that she could help Shepard with the cipher by teaching the human the meditation techniques she knew. Hopefully, they would be enough to help bulwark the human's sense of self against the prothean memories Shepard possessed.

Near the end of their discussion in the temple, Samara hadn't hesitated in extending her Oath to Shepard to include destroying the Reapers. In this case, her personal feelings and the Justicar Code were in perfect accordance. Such a threat to them all must be stopped, and took precedence over her own personal oath to bring Mirala to justice. Even though it seemed contradictory, Samara was aware that she had probably increased her chances of fulfilling her personal oath by swearing herself to the Spectre's mission, for Shepard had repeated her promise to help the justicar apprehend the Ardat-Yakshi. Though Samara would have preferred to do this on her own because of personal reasons, the justicar had also been hunting Mirala unsuccessfully for four hundred years now. She had been very close to apprehending the Ardat-Yakshi before she escaped off world; perhaps Shepard's aid was exactly what was needed to bring her hunt, and Mirala's killing, to an end.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The Mass Effect universe is the property of Bioware/Electronic Arts. No infringement of these copyrights is intended as this is a not for profit fan fiction work.
> 
> Warning: mild violence and swearing.
> 
> Notes: This is inspired by the Beyonce song "Save the Hero," from the album I am…Sasha Fierce. This is an Alternate Universe story.
> 
> Rating: Teen
> 
> Feedback: Always welcome, feedback is what encourages me to keep writing. Please let me know what you like and what you dislike about the story.
> 
> Errors and Corrections: Yes, please let me know about any errors you see so that I can correct them. This is un-beta'ed so it probably has a few.
> 
> Revision History: 04/30/2010; 08/19/2010

**Normandy – before the mission to find Thane Krios**

Samara was surprised when Shepard chose the young krogan, Grunt, as the third squad member instead of Garrus for their mission to seek out the drell assassin, Thane Krios. The krogan paced up and down the central walkway of the Normandy's second deck, betraying an extreme level of agitation until Shepard arrived. Then, to the justicar's relief, he immediately settled down in the Commander's presence.

They went to the shipping department and asked for Seyrna, who was the contact Liara T'Soni had given Shepard as a person who might know the whereabouts of the drell assassin. Seyrna agreed to talk to them and gave them the name of the drell's target, Nassana Dantius. Shepard immediately recognized the name. When Nassana had been a representative on the Citadel she had contacted Shepard and asked her to kill a slaver; it had turned out to be her own sister who was blackmailing her. Seyrna told a similar tale, she had confronted Nassana over having people killing to cover up her dirty secrets and been fired.

Until now Samara had reservations, though she had kept them to herself, about exactly what they would be doing today. Now however, it seemed that if she had found out about this Nassana Dantius before giving Shepard her oath, the Code would have compelled her to investigate whether or not these accusations against the asari were true. The drell was also not doing this assassination for money; Seyrna said that Thane Krios had mentioned that he was trying to restore the balance of his life with his actions. That information intrigued the justicar, and Samara could tell that it piqued Shepard's interest as well.

On Seyrna's suggestion they came back at the end of the working day and after the day shift workers cleared out of Tower Two. Theoretically, only the Eclipse mercenaries who were guarding Nassana should now be in the building. Seyrna dropped them off in front of Dantius Tower Two and wished them luck before quickly departing. They had just started towards the entrance of the tower when two salarians appeared, running across the wide walkway surrounding the unfinished center of the building and glancing behind them fearfully. Samara frowned wondering why, and then four mechs, two of them mech dogs, appeared chasing after the salarians.

No sooner had the mech appeared than Shepard was off and running toward the entrance, pulling her weapon and firing at them, and leaving Samara and Grunt scrambling to catch up with the human. The mechs shot one of the salarians before they turned to face the Spectre. Shepard had already shot out the glass blocking the entrance. Now the Spectre paused, the characteristic bluish-white glow of a mass effect field formed around her. The human gestured and a strong biotic shockwave started toward the mechs, sending them flying thought the air when it reached them.

Samara was impressed, she hadn't even known that Shepard was a biotic, much less as powerful a biotic as what she had just seen indicated. One of the mechs rose and the justicar sent it flying again with a quick biotic push while weapons fire from Shepard and Grunt quickly finished off the two mech dogs. The one mech Samara had sent flying did not rise again.

Shepard headed off in the same direction as which the surviving salarian worker had disappeared. They found him lying on the floor, severely wounded, and covered in greenish blood. "Help," the salarian pleaded, "I can't feel my legs…my chest is killing me."

Shepard knelt down and began scanning him with her omni-tool. "Who did this to you and why?" she asked.

"We're just night workers!" the salarian sounded confused. "Nassana sent them after us. She sent the mechs to round us up but…we didn't hear. They just started shooting…" he began coughing, "I can't breathe…"

Shepard immediately injected him with a dose of medi-gel, "Here that should ease the pain and keep you alive until help arrives." She brought up another screen on her omni-tool and Samara watched as the Spectre put in a request for a medical team and police at their location.

"Really? This guy? Why?" Grunt questioned the Commander's decision.

Shepard didn't respond, only the slightest movement of her head even indicated that she had heard the krogan. "Take your time," she gently advised the salarian as he tried to rise.

"I think I'm…better…" the worker said as he slowly stood up. "Find the other workers," he looked pleadingly at Shepard, "Help them."

"I will," the Spectre promised him, "but first I need some information. You said the mechs just attacked you?"

"Yes," he confirmed, "We were too slow. It was horrible. Everyone was screaming… The mercs said there was no time. Nassana wanted us out of the way… immediately. Then the dogs…" the salarian closed his eyes, "my friends, co-workers slaughtered. They were jumping off the ledges to escape the dogs…"

Shepard reached out, gently touched his arm, "I'll do what I can to help," the Spectre's voice was strong, commanding and reassuring. The salarian opened his eyes again, stared at her for a moment and then nodded, looking calmer. "What can you tell me about this building? I need to get up to the penthouse."

The salarian told them much of the same thing Seyrna had; adding that the service elevator was the only way up to the level where the walkway over to the other tower was located and that the mercenaries would be thicker the further up they went.

"Why would Nassana kill her own workers?" Shepard questioned the salarian, repeating with slightly different words the same question she had asked earlier. Samara recognized the tactic; it was one she often used herself to see if she could elicit further or different information from someone.

The salarian did give a slightly different answer this time, "To her, we're expendable," he explained. The salarian shook his head, "But… I didn't realize she was that ruthless." The sound of emergency vehicles approaching interrupted anything else the worker had to say.

"Let's get you over to the medics," Shepard said, motioning to the salarian. They made their way back the short distance to the entryway, which was now covered with shattered glass. There were three police vehicles and two emergency vehicles along with their assorted police and emergency medical personnel gathered in front of the building. Four asari in police uniforms made a move towards their weapons as soon as they saw the small group appear and then paused, staring in obvious surprise at the justicar in their midst.

"Samara, do you mind taking the lead in talking to them?" Shepard asked, giving the asari a questioning look.

"Not at all," Samara assured the human, knowing exactly why the Spectre had asked. The police were much less likely to delay them with questions if they assumed she was investigating this matter. Given what she had seen and heard so far, she had no objections to letting them assume just that.

"Justicar," the ranking asari police officer greeted Samara respectfully as they walked up, while glancing uncertainly at the human and krogan standing on either side of her. The medics displayed much less uncertainty, rushing over to the wounded salarian, who they immediately beginning to examine while guiding him toward the waiting ambulance.

"Officer," she returned the greeting, "Thank you for responding to our request for assistance so promptly. Now that he is in your care, there are more workers requiring our aid inside." Samara turned, she knew it would not be quite this simple, but her attitude should hurry things along.

As she had suspected the Sergeant would, the officer quickly asked, "Did you need our assistance, Justicar?"

She glanced back at the four officers, "Your offer is appreciated, but not required officer. The worker was shot by Eclipse mechs, and he informed us there are several dozen more inside."

"Shouldn't take us long," Grunt commented, "If we stop talking about it that is," he sounded slightly agitated to her. Samara glanced over at the young krogan. He did seem restless once again, she had never been around any krogan quite this young before and had no idea if this were usual behavior for his species or not. Plus, as she had learned yesterday, while being given a rather quick briefing on the rest of the Normandy crew in the air car as they returned from the temple, he had a rather unusual origin, being bred in a tank by the krogan Warlord Okeer. Despite being full grown, Grunt was actually only a few weeks old and was supposedly a genetically perfect krogan.

"It's probably best if we handle this," Shepard finally spoke up, "If we find anyone that needs help and can't get down here on their own we'll contact you. And we'll make sure it's clear so you can come up and get them."

The Sergeant's attention turned to the human, "And you are?" she questioned.

The Spectre got as far as saying "Commander Shepard," before the purple hued asari's eyes went wide and her head jerked rather dramatically back and forth between the justicar and the human standing next to her. "I guess you know the rest," Shepard finished dryly.

"Spectre Shepard," Samara could detect a hint of nervous wariness in the officer's tone now. The justicar could see that the Sergeant wanted to ask questions about what they were doing here, but knew she was standing in front of a Justicar and a Council Spectre. Asari did not normally question a Justicar's decisions about what matters they chose to investigate, and a Spectre's duties were usually classified and thus they would not answer any questions about their activities. "Of course, we will hold our position here in case you find any more injured workers and we'll escort the medics up to ensure their safety."

"Thank you Sergeant," Shepard said to her crisply. She motioned to Samar and Grunt, "If there's any hope of finding anyone else alive we need to get moving."

As she followed Shepard back into the building, Samara heard one of the officers behind her comment, "I heard the coroner picked up thirty-seven bodies from that building yesterday. One of which was the Eclipse captain, Wasea." Another voice added, "I heard they found the remains of a gunship in there." Unfortunately Shepard was moving rather quickly and the officers were out of hearing range after that. A gunship, Samara examined the weapon's loadout on the Spectre's back, her attention on the strange looking weapon in the center where a heavy weapon was usually placed. She had no doubt that Shepard was carrying enough firepower to take down a gunship, and from the chatter she had just heard the Spectre had done just that the day before.

"So Grunt," Shepard said as soon as they were out of the officers hearing range, "What did we find out from the salarian?" The krogan gave her a confused glance, but readily repeated what they had learned. "It's hard to get information from a dead person," Shepard commented when he was done. "We had no idea what Seryna's motive was for helping us, no idea if her information was any good or not. Now we have a second confirmation of it, and from a source which we know has a legitimate reason for helping us."

It sounded like a rather cold-blooded and completely practical reason for helping the salarian, and yet Samara had not sensed that from Shepard's manner while the human had been helping or questioning the injured worker. The justicar was reminded of the fact that Shepard had listed some very practical reasons yesterday for ordering the human's Fifth Fleet to assist the Ascension and Council. When they had first met Shepard had mentioned that she went with the best tactical decision first and then with her gut instinct as the human termed it after that. Perhaps this was just a case of both agreeing on the same course of action.

"Ah," said Grunt as he nodded, "Smart." Or perhaps this was merely Shepard's way of teaching the young krogan, Samara reflected. One didn't appeal to their sense of compassion to motivate them. Practical tactical advice however, was likely to be listened to and accepted.

They had not gone very far into the building at all before they ran into their first group of Eclipse mercenaries and mechs. It turned into a pitched battle as they made their way slowly forward, mercenaries from further in the building joining their comrades and replacing their numbers as the trio killed them. Eventually though the mercenaries, or at least all the ones on this floor, lay dead on the floor. There had been more FENRIS and LOKI mechs than mercenaries, so there were more bits and pieces of them scattered about than dead bodies.

One thing the first battle had made clear to Samara, she had been right about Shepard being both efficient and deadly in combat. The human's biotics were powerful, and the Spectre seemed to be skilled at choosing when to use them. Shepard showed a decided preference for using a biotic shockwave, but then it was a useful tactic when facing small groups of attackers who were behind cover. It had certainly worked quite well against the mercenaries. Samara also noticed that Shepard was quite graceful as she moved from cover to cover. Considering that the human was wearing heavy armor, the fact that her movements rivaled the grace of any asari commando, who generally wore light to medium armor, was remarkable. It indicated to the justicar that Shepard was both very fit and stronger than Samara would have expected for a human female.

After quickly checking the LOKI remains and the dead mercenaries for spare heat sinks, the trio continued upward to the second floor of the building. The three of them stopped as soon as they heard a male voice say, "Hey…I think he went in here." The sound of echoed in the partially constructed building, making it difficult to tell exactly where it was coming from.

The next voice was either a female human or asari, "Well go get him."

"You go," the male voice disagreed.

"Get your ass in there," the second, female voice growled, "Nassana's not paying you to stand around."

"Fine, but I…" the male's voice trailed off in a groan. There were sounds of a scuffle and then nothing. The three of them glanced at one another; it wasn't hard to guess that they had just heard the assassin take out one of the mercenaries. They moved cautiously forward and turned the corner, only to see a group of Eclipse mercenaries come running towards them. Samara suspected the mercenaries were actually seeking the assassin, but it was just as possible they had come in response them as well. Each side quickly dove behind the nearest cover and began firing at each other.

Ducked down behind a stack of building material, Samara heard and felt the vibrations in the floor under her feet of a powerful biotic shockwave, Shepard. She rose, as expected there were several Eclipse mercs and mechs now struggling to their feet from where they had been thrown by it, she took the opportunity to put two of them down for good.

"Take out the biotic," the justicar heard an asari Eclipse Lieutenant order.

Well honed habit had Samara ducking back into cover, but then realized with amused surprise that it was actually Shepard they were targeting. That was different. The justicar gathered up a mass effect field and then stepped out, sending a mass of biotic energy the mercenaries way that knocked the Lieutenant off her feet and slammed her into the wall behind her. Time to show them there were two biotics they needed to fear. As with the first floor, the team slowly worked its way forward, moving from cover to cover and taking out the Eclipse mercenaries as they came upon them.

It had been a long time since Samara had fought as part of a group; she usually fought alone. Still, Shepard was only occasionally giving her direction, so the asari guessed that she was remembering her old skills rather well. And this building was laid out well for what they were doing; there were plenty of places for both them and the Eclipse to find cover. Their advantage lay in the fact that they could set up good positions and wait for the mercenaries to come forward to them, rather than having to advance in the face of enemy fire.

Using the communications in their suits, Shepard would quietly indicate, "Moving, left cover." Sometimes the Spectre would add something more specific like crate or stack of metal plates if there were more than one choice of forward cover in that direction. Then Samara and Grunt would ready themselves to give the Commander covering fire as she moved forward. When she or Grunt called out their next position they received either silence and then a 'go', when Shepard wanted them to move, or more rarely, a 'no', and a different location. Shepard would then make eye contact with them and wait for their nod that they had located where she wanted them to move. The justicar found herself quickly adapting to the human's methods, they were simple and straightforward, and they worked well. Samara wasn't certain if this was the way the human military operated, or if this was a method Shepard had developed after working with both non-humans and humans who were not military trained.

Samara quickly realized that Shepard did not want them to be very far forward of her position, and that the Commander preferred to always have a clear field of fire to support their positions. It only took a few times of either her position or Grunt's coming under heavy fire and Shepard acting quickly to thin down those firing at them, for the justicar to realize that Shepard placed them were she could protect them and easily get to them if they were in difficulty or injured. Samara wasn't used to being protected or having someone act protective of her, either during her time as a justicar or even before that when she had been a maiden. It felt strange. Samara couldn't tell if Shepard's command style was a result of what seemed to be the human's naturally strong protective instincts coming to the fore, or if the Alliance actively taught their military leaders this behavior.

They came upon a locked door, the first one they had run into in the building so far. It took Shepard less than a minute to bypass the encryption on it. It opened, revealing a small room and three unarmed salarian huddled nervously together. The salarian's flinched back at the sight of them. Shepard's hand twitched toward her weapon for a moment before the human relaxed again. It was fairly obvious these were more of Nassana's workers, though how they came to be in a locked room was a mystery.

"Please… don't kill us! We'll go… we'll go…" one of the workers pleaded fearfully.

Another one, apparently less traumatized than the rest, noticed what should have been obvious to all three. "Hey, look…their not Eclipse. You're here to help us…right?" he added the last in an uncertain tone.

Shepard nodded, "Its one reason I'm here. Come on out, it should be safe enough. There are police and medical personnel waiting on the ground floor for you."

The three looked surprised by this, and the one who had originally spoken said, "Thank you, we are in your debt."

Shepard responded, "Maybe you can help me, I'm looking for someone. Not a merc -- he's on his own."

One of the salarian's replied, "Well, whoever sealed us in here…when he found us, I thought we were dead. But he just closed the door and locked us in."

"Interesting behavior for an assassin," Samara noted, "assuming it is him." The more she heard about this drell the more intriguing his behavior became to the justicar. He was deadly against the Eclipse, and yet he had acted to save these three from danger.

"Assassin?" the salarian questioned.

One of the other's immediately spoke up, "Here for Nassana, I bet, she's got it coming. You treat people like this. It always comes back to bite you in the ass."

Shepard asked them several more questions. The three seemed very eager to share whatever they knew, even rumors that those who tried to quit working for Nassana disappeared. The human did get a few pieces of useful information, that the cargo elevator was the only way up, and that the upper level had no walls. They would need to be cautious of the winds up there.

As the three salarians left one of them paused to speak with Shepard, "Tell your assassin to aim for her head…'cause she doesn't have a heart!" The Spectre's lips quirked in a small amused smile, and she turned to watch as his colleagues urged him to get moving.

Shepard gave the justicar a long considering look after they left. "You have any issues I should be aware of?" the Commander questioned her, and Samara knew it was a question about what they were doing.

"None," Samara assured her serenely, "I find myself becoming more interested in meeting this Nassana Dantius with every one of her workers that we speak to."

Shepard gave a dry sounding chuckle, "No kidding, she was pretty ruthless two years ago," the Spectre commented, "It seems like time has only made her worse."

They continued on their way, coming across the cargo elevator the salarian's had mentioned not far from where they had found them. Shepard gave it a narrow-eyed look, "If I was them, I'd make sure there was a welcoming committee on this elevator," she noted. She motioned for Samara and Grunt to take up flanking positions on either side of the area before pressing the elevators call button and taking cover herself behind a stack of metal plates almost directly in front of it.

The Spectre was right, when the elevator doors opened two asari Eclipse lieutenants and a krogan were inside. The mercenaries had thought to take them by surprise; instead they were caught in the deadly crossfire Shepard had set up. Samara built up a mass effect field, gestured, and sent a suspension field toward the mercenaries. Both asari Lieutenants were caught up in it, floating in the air and cursing as they tried to continue firing. Shepard and Grunt cut down the krogan, and then it was only a few seconds later that the remaining two mercenaries died as well. The suspension field dispersed right after that, dropping their bodies to the floor.

They stepped around them on the way to the elevator. They rode the elevator up to the bridge level of tower two, when the doors opened they saw a human male in Eclipse armor pacing slowly back and forth at the far end of the area. Shepard silently motioned for them to exit and move to the left of the hallway, which was in heavy shadow.

"Don't worry my team is always ready to go," the Eclipse merc assured whoever was on the other end of his conversation. "I don't know where he is, not yet," he paced to one side and paused looking out the floor to ceiling window. Shepard motioned for them to move forward. About twenty meters ahead of them the human male, still engrossed in his conversation, shook his head, "Don't worry about it," he said, "We don't need any reinforcements." They walked closer, "I'll take care of it," now the mercenary sounded like he was arguing with whomever he was speaking to. "It's under control," he insisted, "I'll take care of it. I'll go down there myself."

They were standing right behind him now. Samara noticed Shepard shaking her head at the oblivious male. Then her expression shifted, hardened, "Turn around very slowly," the Spectre ordered her tone chill. The justicar was taken aback; the change in Shepard's manner was…abrupt and disconcerting. At least her aura hadn't also changed as well.

The Eclipse mercenary stiffened, and slowly turned around holding his hands slightly out as if to show he wasn't holding any weapons, "Damn it," he whispered when he got a good look at the three of them.

"Have you seen the assassin?" Shepard asked him as she took several steps forward. The Spectre moved as if she were stalking him.

The male backed away from her, "Why are you looking for him? You're not one of Nassana's mercenaries, who are you?"

Shepard kept backing him toward the window, "Answer my questions and I'll let you go." Her movement drew the eye with its grace, even as it chilled with its implicit threat.

He finally stopped, his back almost against the glass, "Look, even if I knew where he was, I wouldn't tell you." Samara could tell that the male was breathing faster; you could hear it in his voice along with his nervousness.

Shepard took two more gracefully stalking steps forward, "Not the answer I was looking for," she told him, her tone growing chillier.

"If you shoot me my team's right though there they'll be all over you," he responded quickly. The two of them stared at one another and the male relaxed slightly, obviously thinking he was gaining the upper hand.

Shepard bowed her head, shook it once and then raised it again to look him in the eye. She took another panther like step forward, "You're not thinking this through," her tone was soft, but underlying it was an unmistakable note of menace. "Is a little information worth dying for? Is Nassana?"

One, two, three seconds passed. "No…I suppose not," the male said, breaking the silence. "Ok, look…last I heard, the assassin was down on the mezzanine. But the teams on the bridge think they might have spotted him. Nobody knows for sure."

Shepard took a step to the side, "Get out of here," she ordered him.

He held up his hands, "I'm going," he agreed, and headed right for the elevator.

Samara watched him go, puzzled by what had just happened. She was aware that he was not likely to get very far, after all the police were still waiting at the entrance to the tower. She turned to look at Shepard. The human was smirking, and the air of menace that had hung about her while she talked to the Eclipse merc was completely gone.

"Aren't the police still down there?" asked Grunt.

"Uh huh," Shepard agreed sounding just as pleased as she looked, "Since they've undoubtedly already taken statements from that first salarian, and are probably still talking to those three we sent down a short time ago, I imagine they'll detain him."

"An unusual method of questioning," Samara commented to the human, searching for an explanation as to what had just happened.

Shepard's gaze focused on her keenly, after a moment the human crossed over to her. "Being nice and polite doesn't impress people like him," she explained, "they require a different tactic to get answers from them."

Everything fell into place, "You were acting."

Shepard shrugged, "Some yes, but I can be ruthless when I have to. So I can't say I was entirely acting." She gave the justicar a sober look, "As you mentioned yesterday, we're both willing to kill when the reason's right."

"Would you have been willing to kill him?" Samara inquired, she had not missed the fact that Shepard had never actually stated that she would, only strongly implied it.

"Without him firing on us? No, that's against…" Shepard bowed her head and smiled bitterly. "I was about to say that's against Alliance Naval law, but I'm not even sure I'm in the Alliance Navy anymore." The human drew in breath, straightened, "I guess it doesn't matter though, as they say, once a marine, always a marine. So no, I wouldn't have, we would have had to take him prisoner and then call the police up to take custody of him."

That was what Samara had thought, though she wasn't familiar with the human saying Shepard had quoted. "He did seem quite intimidated by you."

"He did, didn't he," Shepard agreed, looking pleased. She looked down the hallway, "I guess we'd better keep moving if we want to find Thane before they do." The Spectre started up the hallway towards the right most doors just past the elevator they had come up minutes before. As they got closer to the door, Samara noticed a data pad lying on the floor. Shepard paused by it, picked it up. The Spectre scrolled through it for a moment and then held it out towards the asari, "Samara, does this look at all familiar to you?"

After a few pages, the justicar knew what she was holding and why the information in it confused Shepard. "This is the genetic information for a salarian family, the Kirosa's. The salarian's use information like this to bargain for better breeding contracts," she informed the Spectre.

Shepard bowed her head, "Kirosa," she whispered, her eyes narrowed in thought. "Ah," the human's head snapped up, "In the shipping area next to the stairs, the salarian that was talking on his communicator. He mentioned losing this to the person he was talking to, and he mentioned Nassana's name. He must have been one of the ones who got out of the building earlier." She nodded to the data pad, Samara still held, "Keep it?"

The justicar nodded and tucked it away for safekeeping. Doubtless the Kirosa family already had the information backed up multiple times, as important as this type of information was to the salarian's. Nevertheless, returning the data pad to its owner was the right thing to do. She remembered the salarian Shepard was speaking of, but had not paid any particular attention to him.

They went through the door and emerged into a large room, pallets of construction materials were scattered about on the floor. Large pillars supported a wide walkway, which presumably lead out onto the top floor of the building and the bridge over to Dantius Tower One. Two inactive mechs, one LOKI, one FENRIS, were stationed in the middle of the room and another pair of LOKIs were located further back and to their right.

"He's all over the place," once again they heard the Eclipse mercenary before they saw him. The three of them slipped into the first cover available, a long and wide stack of wall panels slightly off to the side of the door.

"What do you mean?" an angry sounding female voice replied.

Shepard identified the second voice in a whisper, "Nassana."

"We've got reports of him on multiple levels. We think he's traveling through the ducts..." the male voice replied to his employer.

"I'm not paying you to think. Just find him. Now!" Nassana demanded.

"Come on. She'll be throwing us to the dogs next," they heard him comment.

"Ready?" Shepard inquired, Samara and Grunt nodded, "Mechs first," the Spectre paused for a second; she started glowing blue and white as she built up a mass effect field. Samara edged slightly further away, not wanting to risk her own barrier coming into contact with it. Shepard said, "Now," and rose, gesturing with her hand. As Samara had expected, the human formed her biotic energy into a shockwave, sending the nearest LOKI and FENRIS mechs sailing through the air. It didn't take more than a few shots after that to finish them off.

By now the mercenaries they had overheard had joined the battle. One human male, likely the one they had heard talking, and two asari, one of which was a biotic. The two LOKI mechs were also still active and attacking them. Once again Shepard sent a shockwave the mercs way, only this time there were two explosive drums in a crate nearby them. The drums exploded in a rolling boil of fire when the shockwave hit them, showering the nearby mercenaries with flaming chemicals and metal shards. Two of them, having been closer to the chemicals than the third, were set afire; they yelped in dismay and began beating at the flames on their armor. It was enough of a distraction for the three of them to quickly finish the two mercenaries, and the remaining two mechs, off. Now there was only the single asari biotic left. She was bunkered down behind a crate and was frantically calling for backup.

"Charging," said Shepard though their headsets.

Charging? Thought Samara, that was something she associated more with krogan biotics than human biotics. A blue blur crossed her field of vision and the Eclipse merc when flying though the air. The asari landed several feet away and didn't move again. Shepard was now standing where the mercenary had been crouched…behind the crate. Incredulously, the justicar looked at where the human had been just a moment ago. Shepard had crossed almost fifteen meters in less than a second and, if she was correct in what she remembered, had went through, not around, the crate between her and the mercenary.

Samara drew in a surprised breath as she realized what the human had just done. The justicar knew of this biotic skill, but had never learned or witnessed it herself. From what she knew, it was powerful, but incredibly dangerous to use unless the biotic was very skilled. Reputedly it took decades to learn all of the different biotic methods involved, and it seemed impossible for a human in her third decade of life to have mastered the skill. Was it impossible for a human who possessed prothean memories though? The more sensible and calm part of herself disputed immediately, reminding her that Shepard had access to at the memories of at least two prothean biotic teachers.

"Where is everyone?" Nassana's disembodied voice echoed through the large room. A second later, "Will somebody please give me a report!" Shepard glanced that way, but headed instead towards a door whose controls glowed red, signaling it was locked.

Samara followed, there might be more workers locked inside by their assassin, as there had been on the floor below. When Shepard bypassed the lock and the door opened she saw that she was right, there were three salarian's inside the room along with the body of an Eclipse mercenary.

Shepard stepped inside the room, "Are you guys alright in here?"

Surprising all of them, the salarian lifted a pistol and pointed it at the human. "Get back! Get back…I'll shoot!" it was obvious he was terrified. Shepard didn't even make a motion towards her own pistol, and neither did the justicar, that would simply make the situation more dangerous. Grunt shifted uneasily, but followed their lead.

"Be at peace," Samara said to him, trying to calm him down. "No one will hurt you."

"I don't want to hurt you…" for a moment the justicar thought it had worked, "but I will. I said get back! I'll do it!" He drew in several quick breaths, his eyes darting between her and the human in front of him. "Please…don't make me do it," he begged Shepard.

"Hey", Shepard said to him soothingly, "Don't worry; I'm not one of Nassana's mercenaries. What's your name?" Samara moved out of the way and simply observed as Shepard skillfully began talking the salarian down.

"I…I'm Telon," he hesitantly responded. He blinked uncertainly at her, "Don't come any closer."

"Telon, I'm Commander Shepard." Samara heard a hint of calm command enter the human's voice. Even she found it reassuring, and she could see the salarian did as well, he already looked calmer. "As I said I don't work with the mercenaries, and I don't want to hurt you. I'm here to help you. We've already found a few more survivors and sent them to safety. There are medical personnel standing by at the base of the building waiting for you, you just have to let your friends help you down there." The promised safety definitely seemed to help tip the scale in his mind.

"I… all right… here." He handed Shepard the pistol he had been threatening her with only seconds ago.

Samara doubted she could have done any better. She seldom had a need to soothe people and most asari, at least those who didn't fear that the Code would find them unjust, trusted her simply because she was a justicar.

"I…" the salarian started to waver, "don't feel so…" and collapsed to the floor.

"Telon!" another salarian exclaimed, hurrying forward to kneel beside him.

"You are?" Shepard questioned him, while watching both of them closely.

The second salarian immediately responded, "Chesith, he's my brother. I just want to see if he's alright." He looked up a Shepard and asked her hesitantly, "Are you the ones who…shot the merc?"

"It wasn't me," Shepard responded, briefly glancing over at the dead body, "Your brother didn't do it?"

"No," Chesith responded, "we were hiding. The merc found us and shouted at us to move. We panicked, and he shouted more. I thought he was going to kill us… then his head just exploded. Telon picked up the mercs gun, but we were too afraid to leave. Then you showed up."

Shepard questioned him for a few minutes, mainly verifying what they already knew. The wind would be an issue and the walkway was well guarded. As soon as Telon recovered from his faint, Shepard urged them to go to the ground floor.

"No need to convince me," Chesith replied. He reached down to his brother, "Telon, get up," and pulled him to his feet.

"Can we go home now?" Telon asked plaintively.

"Yeah," his brother reassured him, "We're getting out of here." Chesith paused before Shepard and bowed, "Thank you."

Shepard nodded, "You're welcome."

They followed the three salarians out of the room, and then headed in the opposite direction. The workers were going down, they were going up. Two LOKI mechs and three asari awaited them on the upper walkway, between Shepard's shockwave, and Samara's judicious use of a pull field, none of the five stood for long against the three of them.

They stepped outside, as the workers had told them the exterior walls were not up yet and they looked out over the city. This side of the building at least was not windy, though it was rather chilly and Samara understood immediately why the salarians disliked it. They went around the corner of the building and the wind picked up slightly, though it was still nothing to be concerned about.

Unfortunately there was a large group of mercenaries on this side of the bridge to the other tower. "Forget the explosives. He's already past us," one of them called out. The human male turned around, saw them, "Look out! Their behind us too!" he yelled as he dove behind a piece of construction equipment.

These were well trained fighters. That was immediately apparent to Samara by the way they fought and worked together as a team. Something many of the mercenaries they had met on the lower levels had failed to do. Shepard, furthest forward as was her habit, was under heavy fire, the Spectre could only rise briefly to return their fire before her shields were stripped and she had to duck down again.

Samara and Grunt worked smoothly together to fire upon the mercenaries and LOKI mechs as they came out of cover. Within the first minute they managed to destroy both mechs and take down one of the Eclipse mercenaries. Now only three were left, but they seemed to be the most experienced ones. Concentrated fire on her position forced Samara to move back behind the wall buttress she had taken cover behind and let her shields recharge. When she moved forward again she noticed that one of the mercs, an asari, had managed to move forward and was now ducked down on the other side of the same piece of equipment that Shepard was using for cover. This asari seemed to be more heavily armored and better equipped than any they had run into before, and Samara suspected she had received commando training with the way she moved and fought. The asari was also a biotic, the blue glow of her barrier was easy to discern as the area was only dimly lit.

Finally, one of the three remaining mercenaries made a mistake and continued firing after his shields were gone. Samara took immediate advantage of it and killed him with a burst from her assault rifle. Now there were only two remaining, another male human and the asari. Suddenly, with a supportive burst of fire from the other remaining mercenary, the asari leapt up onto the piece of construction equipment. She was now standing right above the human. Shepard lunged upward and before the asari could react, the human grabbed the merc's arm and pulled her forward and down. The asari merc barely managed to remain on her feet as Shepard pulled her down off the stack. Now both of them were in too close proximity for Samara or Grunt to fire. There were a few seconds of vicious struggle between them. The justicar saw the mercs head snap back as the Spectre got in a few quick, hard blows to the asari's face, and then Shepard reached up, grabbed the asari's head and twisted. There was sound of a neck snapping, and Shepard pushed the body to the side.

Shepard stood, a mass effect field forming rapidly around her. "Charging," she announced in their headsets. Now Samara had a better view of what exactly Shepard was doing with her biotics, and she watched intently as she had never witnessed anyone using this biotic skill personally, only read and heard about it. The mass effect field the human was building up was larger than what was normally required, and the justicar's eyes widened in surprise when she noticed she could actually see the energy actually forming a short corridor a few meters forward of the human. Then, in a blue flash of biotic energy, Shepard was simply gone from where she had been standing and was now several meters away and the remaining mercenary was flying through the air. There was the sound of a pistol shot and he didn't move again.

Samara's eyes tracked the Spectre's path, through the piece of equipment she had been standing behind and through the side of the shipping container the mercenary had been behind. There was no doubt in Samara's mind anymore that Shepard was performing the same biotic charge as she had heard of during her training as a justicar or that the human had learned this way of using a mass effect field from the prothean memories she possessed.

"Samara?" Shepard's questioning voice over her headset told the asari her distractedness had been noticed.

"My apologies Shepard," the justicar replied and hurried to catch up with the other two where they waited for her.

Shepard regarded Samara with a concerned look as the justicar approached, and then glanced back at where they had just fought. The Spectre's her lips quirked upwards in a small smile, she stepped closer and said, "I'll explain more later, but think mass effect relay."

Samara frowned and then realized what Shepard was saying; relays formed mass effect corridors between them, within which ships traveled at faster than light speeds at near zero mass. The human was shaping her mass effect field into something very like one of those corridors that was an interesting way of viewing the skill. The asari nodded, "The skill is not unknown to me, even though I do not know how to perform it and have never witnessed it utilized before now."

Shepard looked surprised, "The asari know of it?"

Samara nodded, "It is rare because of the difficulty involved, but yes there are a few asari who know the skill."

The human's expression turned thoughtful, "Well good… that will make it less strange that I'm using it if anyone notices." Shepard turned and headed around the corner of the building without saying anything more on the subject.

Samara stared bemusedly for a second at the human's back before following her around the corner of the building, and into the strong wind the workers had spoken about. There was the bridge across to Tower One. Samara put the thoughts about exactly how less strange any asari would find it that the human Spectre knew a skill that was reputed to be among the most difficult to learn and master for asari as opposed to the human knowing a completely unknown skill out of her mind, now was not the time to be thinking about that.

They paused where there were to take a look at the bridge, as the workers had indicated, there were a lot of mercenaries guarding it. They could see at least six or seven on the bridge itself and Samara had no doubts there were just as many on the far end out of their sight. "At least there's lots of cover," Shepard commented, "On the far side though, I think I see an automated defense turret. I bet there's a matching one on the right side we can't see from here." Samara looked at where the Spectre was indicating. Yes, that certainly looked like a defensive turret, and it likely was considering how much Nassana Dantius feared an attack.

Grunt leaned out, risking the mercs on the bridge seeing him, and then stepped back again, "You're right, those should make things more fun."

Shepard just chuckled softly in reply, "I'll take care of them. They should be in range about midway along the bridge."

"About the same time we are," Grunt noted, sounding amused.

"Yes, well…" Shepard grinned at him, "I'll duck fast."

Samara watched the two of them interact, and wondered about the human's behavior. The amount of pain and anguish she had felt from Shepard yesterday surely couldn't be dealt with in only one night. Undoubtedly the Spectre had walled away those emotions once again in preparation for this mission.

"Let's go," Shepard motioned for them to back away from the edge and go back around the bridge support to where they could get down to the bridge itself. Samara noted that there was a lot of construction debris lying around as they jumped down the short two foot drop to the bridge. There was also little cover and the four LOKI mechs guarding this end of the bridge were already activating, rising to their feet and drawing their weapons. Shepard darted to a crate in the middle of the area and crouched down behind it, while Grunt ran to cover on the far side. Samara stayed where she was standing next to the support, it was the best cover left and she had a good firing arc on the mechs. Three of the LOKI's went down very quickly, but there were reinforcements already coming across the bridge. Three Eclipse mercenaries joined the remaining mech and began firing at them.

"I don't care what you do, no one get's across that bridge." Nassana Dantius's order was quite loud, even over the sound of the wind. Samara couldn't tell if the asari's voice was coming through a speaker or if one of the mercenary's communications devices was set on high.

Crouched down behind the crate in the middle Shepard began creating a mass effect field, seconds later she sprang up and gestured and a biotic shockwave swept down the bridge sending the remaining mech and two of the mercenaries flying high in the air. One slammed into a support pillar, the other one the wind caught and carried him past the bridge as he fell. A rapidly vanishing scream was the last Samara heard from him and she hoped there was no one below when he landed. She reached up to her headset; perhaps the Spectre hadn't considered that, "Shepard there might be bystanders below."

"Damn it," Shepard cursed, informing her that she had been right, "Yea, you're right. Ok, no more flying mercenaries… or rather non-flying mercenaries." Samara had to shake her head a little bit at that one, even as she heard the krogan's hearty laughter at it from the other side of the bridge. There was only one merc left, and asari biotic crouched down behind a stack of metal plates about seven meters away. The bluish-white of a mass effect field formed around Shepard, the human announced, "Charging," and stood. Samara shifted her aim; she knew where Shepard was going next. In the next instant the asari mercenary flew backward and into a heavy crate behind her as the human impacted with her, Shepard shot her in the head before she could recover and the asari slumped to the ground dead. That seemed to be a preference of Shepard's, and Samara approved. Not only was a head shot a sure kill, but it was a quick one as well.

"Move up as you can, I'll provide covering fire," Shepard directed them as she stood up and began firing with her automatic at the next group of Eclipse mercenaries headed their way. Samara had already picked out her next preferred firing location, and in a moment, seeing one of the mercenaries go down, she took the opportunity to sprint to it. It didn't take them long to take down the next set of mercenaries, whereupon Shepard used her biotic charge to place herself at the midway point of the bridge behind some stacked crates. The Spectre was now in a perfect position to take out the defensive turrets which had begun firing at her as soon as they registered her presence within their range. The human holstered her pistol and pulled out the odd looking weapon and rose, firing it at the leftmost turret. From what Samara could observe it appeared to be a narrow beam energy weapon, and given the quickness with which it took out its target, a very advanced and powerful one.

The other turret kept firing at the human and then more mercenaries appeared, doubtless spurred on by Nassana Dantius's continued berating of them. The new arrivals concentrated their fire on the Spectre, and Samara knew that would make it very difficult for Shepard to get a good opportunity to take out the remaining turret. Laying down suppressive fire, the justicar sprinted up to a support pillar closer to Shepard's position; from here she was better able to fire upon the mercenaries. As soon as she reached the pillar, Samara started firing quick bursts at anything that moved with her Vindicator assault rifle. That allowed Shepard to finally take out the remaining turret.

There were no more mercenaries on the bridge, Shepard hopped down from the crate she had been standing on and passed close by Samara, "Thanks," the Spectre said to her. The justicar nodded in reply, she had simply done what was needed, but it was good for that to be acknowledged. They continued on to the other end of the bridge unopposed until the very end when more mercenaries arrived and started firing at them from above. They sprinted to the wall and out of the mercenaries' view, to their right there were steps leading upward. Shepard started up them, the bluish glow of biotic energy lighting up her form as she built up a mass effect field at the same time. The justicar was not surprised to hear the rhythmic boom of a shockwave as soon as Shepard reached the top of the stairs and disappeared from view.

At the top of the stairs space was tight, as soon as she turned the corner Samara realized there was only a low wall between them and two mercenaries firing at them. Shepard and Grunt were crouched down behind it, almost shoulder to shoulder. Further to the right was a tall crate against the wall, and the justicar all but threw herself behind it before she attracted the mercenaries attention. With three against two, it didn't take them long to kill both mercenaries. Before they did much more than step out of cover there was the sound of a door opening and then footsteps that stopped, then nothing. Samara saw Shepard frown, the Spectre took a few steps forward and then peered around the wall toward the door, she drew quickly back as a spray of bullets fired where her head had just been. A bluish ball of biotic energy following the spray of bullets had them all quickly backpedaling further away.

The justicar saw Shepard's eyes narrow. The Spectre moved further back towards the stairs, and quickly built up a mass effect field, part of it shaping in a corridor in front of her. And then the human just waited, her mass effect field if anything growing stronger and the corridor better defined. Samara frowned, wondering what Shepard was waiting for and then realized she was waiting for the mercenary to move to where the Spectre could see her. Samara thought Shepard's decision was a bold and somewhat reckless choice, especially not knowing who or what had come through the door. Though, given that they had seen no human biotics among the Eclipse so far, Samara guessed the mercenary was likely an asari.

She heard a startled sounding exclamation from the merc and then Shepard was gone, leaving behind her a rapidly dissipating trail of bluish biotic energy. Samara was moving as well, around the crate and the wall to where there were sounds of fighting. Shepard was fighting a heavily armored asari and was easily holding her own against the mercenary, who already seemed to be in trouble. Both seemed evenly matched in quickness, and to Samara's trained eye Shepard was clearly the stronger of the two. The asari was deflecting Shepard's blows and was on the defensive looking for an opening, as commandoes were trained to do when face with an opponent who had greater physical strength.

That was surprising, the justicar would have thought an asari and a human female, even one as fit as Shepard, would be about evenly matched in strength. The asari should have had a slight advantage in quickness and been slightly more agile but she wasn't, the human was just as quick and just as agile. Samara could tell by the startled, wary look on the other asari's fact that the mercenary was surprised by Shepard as well. An assault rifle lying on the floor several feet away from the two fighters indicated to Samara that the first thing Shepard had done was to disarm the mercenary. Doubtless the mercenary had assumed she would still win a hand to hand battle with a human handily, even after being disarmed. Samara doubted the commando assumed that any longer.

The asari attempted to strike the Spectre, only instead of blocking the blow, Shepard grabbed her wrist and used the mercenaries own momentum to pull the asari forward. The commando, realizing the danger she was in, tried to twist away not wanting to expose her vulnerable neck to the human, but the Spectre was too quick and powerful. A quick, forceful chopping blow to the back of the asari's neck and the Eclipse mercenary went down to her knees, choking and unable to breathe. Shepard was swift; she grasped the merc's head and with a smooth twist snapped the asari's spine. The human stood there for a second with her head bowed and the asari's head still held between her hands before she released the body with a slight shudder and let it slip to the floor.

"Nice moves," Grunt complimented Shepard.

The Spectre nodded to him, "Thanks," she acknowledged his compliment before turning away.

To Samara, who had been watching Shepard ever since she noticed the troubled way the human was acting, Shepard sounded faintly disturbed. Then the justicar remembered that the Spectre had died of asphyxiation, her hard suits breathing apparatus damaged by a piece of her exploding ship. Perhaps it was not so surprising then that the manner of the mercenary's death had troubled Shepard, even if it had been at the human's own hands.

They went through the door and into a short hallway, there were only a few doors here and all of them had plaques with names and important sounding titles engraved upon them. Shepard turned toward her, "Any issue with just letting this assassin take his hit?"

"Shepard, I did swear an oath to follow your commands," Samara reminded the human in a mild tone.

Shepard drew in a breath, "I know that, but technically we should take her in to stand trial. Standing by and watching to see how an assassin makes his hit..." the Spectre shook her head, frowning. "What does the Code say about this?"

"The Code would require me to question her and determine whether or not she ordered the Eclipse mercenaries to fire upon her workers. If I determined that she did, then the Code would compel me to kill her as punishment for her actions," Samara responded. She had noted yesterday that Shepard seemed to have a high respect for the law; the fact that this issue was troubling the human only reinforced that impression in her mind.

"And just letting Thane kill her?" Shepard asked solemnly.

They were back to the human's first question, "Given his statements to Seyrna he obviously considers her to be unjust, and in killing her he seeks to atone for his own actions in the past. Considering all that I have heard and witnessed today about this Nassana Dantius, I find nothing dishonorable in letting him do so."

Shepard shot her a keen look, "You understood that? Is this religious for him?"

Samara nodded, "He has done something in the past for which he feels the need to atone. Now he   
seeks to right the balance in his life by killing those who do great harm to others." Shepard's brow furrowed as she considered this. After a few seconds she nodded to Samara and headed toward the door at the very end of the hallway. The justicar followed, wondering what Shepard's decision would be, or if the human had even made it yet.

They walked into a large office, the setting sun showing in the three large floor-to-ceiling windows. An asari in business clothes stood behind an expensive looking desk facing away from them and looking out the window, around her stood three Eclipse mercenaries with their weapons drawn. The asari turned around, the hard look on her face shifted immediately into one of confusion, "Shepard? But… you're dead."

"I got better," the justicar could easily hear the darkly wry humor in the human's tone.

"And now you're here to kill me," Nassana accused the Spectre.

The mercenaries raised their weapons but Shepard ignored them. "You're really paranoid aren't you," the human replied.

The asari scowled at her, "Don't patronize me Shepard," she turned to look out the window.

"Charming as ever," Shepard observed, her tone sarcastic.

The asari turned partially around, "I'm sure you find this ironic. First you take care of my sister, and now you're here for me." She turned around to face Shepard, took a few steps forward, "Well, you've made it this far. Now what?" For the first time Nassana seemed to notice that Samara was a justicar, the asari's eyes fixed on the symbols on Samara's forehead and her eyes widened slightly.

"You really think I'm here to kill you?" Shepard was amused; the justicar could hear it in the human's tones. And from the way Nassana's eyes shifted back to Shepard and the asari glared at the human, she could as well.

"Do you have another reason for destroying my tower? Decimating my security?" Nassana asked angrily, her pacing back and forth betraying her agitation.

"I'm just looking for someone," Shepard stated, crossing her arms and standing in a slouched casual looking manner completely ignoring the mercs who had their weapons trained on her. Though even they were relaxing slightly now that it looked like their employer and the human were going to talk to one another for awhile before anything happened.

"You expect me to believe that?" Nassana asked the Spectre angrily. "Is it credits? Is that what you want? Just tell me your price. We can make this problem go away."

Shepard snorted at her, "You really know nothing about me do you Nassana." Samara heard a banging noise from the ceiling, it sounded like someone moving through the ductwork. She could tell by the slight tilt to Shepard's head that the human had heard it as well. The Spectre shook her head, "All the credits in the world won't make your problems go away this time Nassana."

The asari glared at Shepard "Who the hell gave you the right to play god?" She strode forward, "I may not be perfect but look at you. We both kill people for money. What's the difference?"

"I do not kill people for money," Shepard's tone was cold. "You kill people because you think their beneath you, or because they're in your way like your workers. I kill people when their trying to kill me, or their committing a crime, or threatening galactic peace. I'd say there's plenty of difference between us."

"Don't act like being a Spectre makes you superior to me," Nassana sneered at her, "You get paid well for being the Council's hired killer."

There was a moment of silence and then Shepard started laughing like Nassana had said something extremely amusing. Samara stared at the Spectre; the human was literally bent over in her hilarity. "Where the hell did you hear that?" Shepard finally stopped laughing long enough to ask. "The Alliance kept sending me my usual paycheck after I was made a Spectre and that's it. I've never received one red cent from the Council for anything I've done for them."

"What?" Nassana asked sounding confused. Samara was confused as well; it certainly seemed as if Shepard should receive some pay from the Council. Even she received enough to ensure she could buy food and lodging as well as maintain her weapons and armor.

The noise from the ceiling was much louder this time, even the Eclipse mercenaries heard it and looked upward. "What?" this time Nassana snapped it at one of the mercenaries, an asari.

"I heard something," the asari replied to her.

Nassana slammed her hands on her desk, "Damn it. Check the other entrances!" She pointed off to the north. Then she turned to Shepard, "You," she pointed at the Spectre, "stay put." Samara tried to not react to the sight of a drell dropping silently out of a vent in the ceiling. This had to be the assassin they were seeking, Thane Krios. Nassana, oblivious to his presence, pulled a weapon from her desk and kept talking to Shepard. "When I'm finished dealing with this nuisance, you and I are going to…" In the time it took the asari to say that, the drell had neatly snapped one of the male human's necks, dropped the second one with a chop to his neck and shot the returning asari mercenary in the head.

"Who…" Nassana managed to say before the drell grabbed her hand holding the weapon and pulled Nassana toward him, burying his pistol in her stomach. Nassana had just enough time to look up at her killer before he pulled the trigger. The sound of the shot was muffled by her body. She groaned in pain as the drell gently lifted her and laid her back on her own desk. As she sighed her last breath, he placed her hands on her chest and then began praying.

"So this is our guy, Good," Grunt spoke up in the silence.

Shepard slowly moved towards the desk and then waited patiently on the other side of it for the drell to finish. "Thane Krios I presume. I'm Commander Amanda Shepard, Spectre," she said when he lowered his clasped hands and looked up at her.

"Yes, I apologize for not greeting you sooner," the drell said, "but prayers for the wicked must not be forsaken."

"She made a lot of bad choices in her life," Shepard said, staring down at the dead woman and shaking her head slightly. Samara was surprised at the slight tone of sorrow in the human's voice, and then she remembered Shepard's words to the young mercenary Elnora. The Spectre obviously held some very strong beliefs; perhaps it was not that surprising after all.

The drell looked at her silently for a moment before glancing down at the asari he had killed, "Yes. They were not for her however, but for me." He holstered his pistol, and walked around the desk. "The measure of an individual can be difficult to tell from actions alone. Take you, for instance. All this destruction…chaos. I was curious to see how far you would go to find me." He stopped in front of Shepard, "Well…here I am."

"How did you know I was coming at all?" Shepard asked.

"I didn't," he replied, "not until you marched in the front door and started shooting." He paced over to stand before Grunt. "Nassana had become paranoid. You saw the strength of her guard force. She believed one of her sisters would kill her. You were a valuable distraction."

"I suspected you might be doing that," Shepard commented. "I would have done the same in your position," she admitted.

Thane inclined his head to her, "So, you needed to speak to me. What would you like to discuss?"

"The Collectors are abducting entire human colonies. We're going to stop them," Shepard replied. The tone of absolute confidence in the human's voice bemused Samara. She had made a single trip to the mess hall for dinner and returned to the observation lounge to continue her meditations, during that time she had overheard enough to tell that the Spectre's calm confidence was reflected in the attitude of the crew. Even though it was clear that they knew how dangerous their mission was, she had heard no desperation in their tones, they sounded just as confident as their Commander that they would succeed.

Thane turned, walked toward the windows, he bowed his head, "I've heard of them," he replied. He turned to face her, "Attacking the Collectors would require passing through the Omega 4 relay. No ship has ever returned from doing so."

"They told me it was impossible to get to Ilos, too," was Shepard's even reply.

"A fair point," the drell allowed, "You've built a career on performing the impossible." He turned back to the window and looked out, "This was to be my last job. I'm dying. Low survival odds don't concern me. The abduction of your colonists does."

Shepard frowned, "I didn't know that. How long do you have? And sorry to have to ask, but are you contagious?"

The drell turned to look at her, "If you're interested, we can discuss it on your ship. The problem isn't contagious, and it won't affect my work."

Shepard nodded, "Is there anything we can do for you?" she asked. For a brief second, Samara smiled, just as with her, Shepard was immediately offering her help to her new crew member.

"Giving me this opportunity is enough," the drell replied. "The universe is a dark place. I'm trying to make it brighter before I die." He turned to face her, "Many innocents died today. I wasn't fast enough and they suffered. I must atone for that." He held out his hand and waited, when Shepard reached out as well and shook it he said, "I will work for you Shepard. No charge."

The four of them walked out of Nassana's office, down the hallway and back outside the building. They didn't get very far however, before a black and white air car with police written across its side, descended and hovered over the bridge. The air car door opened, and Samara immediately recognized Detective Anaya. "I thought you might want to avoid the media at the base of Tower One," the purple hued asari called out to them.

"You would be correct," Shepard replied to the detective as she walked over to the air car. The Spectre motioned for Samara to sit up front with Detective Anaya while she squeezed in the back with Thane and Grunt. The justicar did not argue, being in such close proximity to the drell and krogan would not be comfortable for her. "I guess that gunfire and explosions are as much a draw for asari reporters as human reporters?" Shepard inquired of the detective.

Anaya nodded, "They showed up just after the first group of salarian's you sent down." As soon as they were all settled and the doors closed, the detective said, "I guess there's not much use in preparing a case against Nassana Dantius?" She guided the air car back out into the stream of traffic and headed toward the Main Trading floor docks and the Normandy.

"Not unless if you just want to," Shepard replied and then inquired, "Did you take a human Eclipse merc into custody?" before the asari could ask any more questions about Nassana.

The detective smirked, "We did, and he didn't seem to be too happy when he saw us waiting for him. He didn't have anything nice to say about you Shepard."

Shepard laughed, "I only promised him that I would let him go," she commented.

"So we heard," the detective responded wryly and Shepard laughed again.

"Where did you learn how to fight like that?" Grunt asked Shepard when she stopped laughing. "Okeer's tank imprint didn't have a lot of information about humans except their weak points for killing them." Samara noticed the detective glance sharply into the mirror at the krogan's statement.

"Initially, Alliance Marine Corps Officer Training, and then Special Forces training built on top of that," the Spectre replied.

"What's that?" the young krogan asked.

"Special Forces training?" Shepard inquired. At his nod she continued, "Alliance Special Forces training is an eleven month long training course designed to teach basic levels of competence in all the skills required for the N1 specialist designation. You learn small boat seamanship, combat diving, small unit tactics, land navigation, energy weapons training, edged weapons and unarmed combat training, intelligence gathering, long range reconnaissance and patrolling, infiltration techniques, recovery or snatch and grab techniques, prisoner treatment, field medic training, structure penetration, demolitions, general vehicular and vehicular combat training, space combat, and space navigation."

It was a very long list Samara noted, and explained why the Spectre was adept at such a wide range of skills. It also reminded her of her huntress training when she was a young maiden. Many of the skills Shepard had mentioned sounded very similar to the ones she had learned several centuries ago.

"It's based on the old United States Navy Seal or Sea, Air and Land Special Warfare Operations training or BUDS training as it was known then," Shepard continued. "Alliance Special Forces training is four months longer, but it's still divided into four phases, and the second or conditioning phase still has hell week in the middle of it."

"Hell week?" Grunt inquired. Samara was pleased that he had, she was curious about it as well. The name certainly did not imply anything pleasant.

Shepard was quiet for a moment before she finally replied, "It's a five day test of your physical endurance and resolve. The ring out bell is always there, and the instructors are always encouraging you to use it if you've had enough. You're in continuous training evolutions, doing timed exercises, runs, crawling through mud flats or sand." Shepard paused and chuckled, "Usually it's the mud and then the sand, whereupon the instructors call you a sand crab until they send you into the surf to wash off. You spend most of the time cold and wet because you're either in the ocean doing zodiac drills or cold water conditioning... more colloquially known as surf torture. I can still remember that, sitting on the cold beach sand shoulder to shoulder with the other trainees. The surf rolling up between us, and the cold water keeping me awake and shivering. The taste of salt water on my lips and sand…always sand, it seemed like it stayed a part of you for the entire week. The only damn place on me that felt even slightly warm was where I was pressed up against Sayer on one side and Walker on the other. The instructor called out cadence and we all did sit ups together. They wanted to keep us exercising. Make sure we didn't get too cold, but God it was the third day and we were all exhausted and wondering if we could make it for two more. You had to keep time with the count or you would be down when the surf was coming in, and one time with the surf water and sand rolling over your face was a damn good motivator for keeping up."

Samara glanced up at the mirror; this was the not the first time she had heard Shepard curse, but two times in such a brief period? The human's expression was pinched, her lips pressed tight together. She even looked cold to Samara with her shoulders hunched and it was warm in the vehicle. The justicar frowned, something was strange was going on here. She saw Shepard shake her head sharply and heard her draw in a deep breath. The human looked more focused now, as if she had literally shaken herself out of the memory.

"You're not allowed to sleep," Shepard continued. "If you're lucky, you might get four hours of it the entire week and that's while you're doing something else. I never would have believed before that week that I could sleep while holding a three hundred pound log on my shoulder and jogging along with five other trainees," Shepard commented wryly, "but you can when you're tired enough."

"Ring out bell?" Thane questioned curiously, referring to something Shepard had mentioned earlier.

"It's another tradition from the original SEAL training. It's a brass bell at the end of the training quad, or if you're not there it's in a vehicle that follows you around. None of the instructors will ever stop you from heading toward it or ringing it, and if you do then that's it your out of training. If you don't have what it takes inside yourself to not ring it then they don't want you in the Special Forces. It's best for yourself and everyone else if you leave. And it's not really much of a stigma not to be able to make it through hell week, over two thirds of the remaining training class usually drops out at that point."

"Why do they want so many to fail?" Detective Anaya asked in a confused and somewhat appalled tone. "And does anyone ever die during this hell week?"

Shepard met the detectives gaze in the mirror, "Because they only want the people that have the resolve to finish the training to stay past that point. Five days is long enough to weed out those who are doing it because they think the occupation specialty offers better advancement promotion. Or because they think it will impress someone or they boasted they could do it. Or even because their father or mother was Special Forces and they want to do the same thing. By the end of hell week, the only ones that are left are the ones who want it for themselves. To prove they have it in themselves to be among the best in the Alliance."

Samara found it interesting that the Alliance wanted the individuals who were not completely resolved within themselves to complete Special Forces training weeded out early on. Justicar training was difficult and deadly for many of the same reasons. Those enamored of what the vids and adventure tales had made the justicars out to be, usually left within the first few weeks. Only those with an unshakable resolve to finish the training remained after a few months, and then only those who were strong enough, skilled enough and smart enough survived the training to actually become justicars.

Shepard continued, "They want people who won't quit when the mission gets tough. Who won't throw up their hands and say it's impossible when the mission gets difficult to complete. They want people who will continue to drive on and look for ways to complete the mission no matter what they run into or what fate throws in their way to stop them. Special Forces specialists must be able to operate efficiently and competently in all types of conditions from underwater, to sub-zero temperatures, to space. Both their and other's lives often depend on their abilities and competence. If you're still there when hell week is over then you have a good chance of having what it takes to do that."

"As for your other question, there are medics constantly monitoring all the training, they just step it up during hell week," Shepard reassured the detective. "To be accepted for Special Forces training you have to be recommended by your unit and rank in the top twenty percent of your current specialties yearly competency testing. The Alliance doesn't want to lose highly skilled marines and sailors. The medics and trainers work together to make sure that while your pushed to the very edge of what you can physically do and kept there for most of hell week, you're not permanently injured or killed during it."

Unfortunately the ride back from the towers to the Normandy was not long, and they arrived just as Shepard finished speaking. "Well, I guess this is it," the detective said as she guided the air car to a stop beside the Normandy's cargo hatch which was open to receive supplies. The door opened and Thane and Grunt immediately levered themselves out of the air car's back seat. "Do you have any more recruiting to do on Illium, Spectre?" The detective asked before Shepard did much more than slide a few inches across the back seat.

"Are you asking or are your superiors?" Shepard asked with an amused grin.

"I am," the Anaya responded, "I don't think they've heard about tonight's events…yet."

"And you'd like to have an answer ready for them," Shepard nodded. "We're only waiting for a few upgrades to be done now. It should just be a few more days and we'll be on our way. But we'll be stopping back by fairly frequently to pick up supplies." Shepard snapped her fingers, "Oh and before I forget, Samara that data pad we found." The justicar nodded, and slid it out of the pouch attached to her waist and handed it to the other asari. The Spectre explained to Anaya, "There was a salarian standing in the shipping department area by the stairs leading to the main trading floor. I doubt he's still there, but he was talking to someone on his communicator about the data contained in that. It sounded rather important to him; could you find out who he was and return it?"

The detective scanned thought the information for a few seconds and then looked up with a nod, "Shouldn't be too hard for me to find him. I'll be happy to do that for you."

Shepard nodded, slid across the back seat and got out of the air car; Samara followed her. The justicar noticed that Grunt had already left, undoubtedly to return to his room, and Thane was standing several feet away, politely giving them some privacy while he looked about the cargo bay. "Thanks for the lift Anaya," Shepard said to the detective.

The detective leaned across the passenger seat, "Just between us," the asari said in a low tone, "thanks for taking care of Nassana Dantius. I never could get the evidence I needed to pin anything on her, but I'm certain she was responsible for several murders. No one would ever testify against her, they were too scared or worse," the Anaya grimaced, "they just disappeared."

Shepard nodded, "Unfortunately that happens," the Spectre acknowledged, "people like Nassana, who use their power to escape justice, and commit more injustices while doing so, threaten the very tenets of a society's civilization. Laws must be just, and they must apply to all evenly in order for a civilization to have faith in their ability to regulate the behavior of both individuals and the civilization as a whole." Both asari just stared at Shepard in surprise. Not that either disagreed; the human's speech was just completely unexpected.

Shepard glanced back and forth between Anaya in the air car and Samara standing beside her, "Sorry, my grandmother was an Appellate Court Justice; I ended up learning a lot about why laws and a just legal system were important from her and what role they should play in a civilization to support it and keep it healthy." She reached up and rubbed the back of her neck looking slightly embarrassed under their continuing stares, "I'll...Um just step down off the soapbox now."

Samara responded, "No, you are correct, that is one of the reasons why the Justicar Code and the Justicars still exist today. We ensure that the unjust are punished no matter what their position or power. We cannot be bribed or corrupted, for us there is only the Code and its judgment that we must follow." The justicar now felt that she understood at least one reason why Shepard held such a high respect for the law.

"That's what keeps you from being vigilantes," there was realization in Shepard's tone.

Samara inclined her head to the Spectre, "I obey the Justicar Code which is 5000 sutras long. In my 400 years as a Justicar there has not been any situation that I have encountered which the Code has not informed me exactly what action I must take in response."

Shepard nodded slowly, "So the Code itself governs and constrains your actions. Who then governs the Code?"

Samara noticed the detective was not making any move to leave, and gave every appearance of being highly interested in the conversation. "Our civilization governs it; over the millennium it has existed the Code has changed with the asari. It is slow to happen, but sutras have been added and a few words altered over the course of time."

"I didn't know that," Anaya commented, sounding fascinated.

Samara looked over at her, "The last changes to the Code occurred over twenty five hundred years ago when the asari encountered other sentient races for the first time; it is not surprising that there are not many today who know this."

"That's a long time," Shepard commented, "but I guess a lot of crimes still look the same as they always have, only the specific methods used to commit them have changed. Murder is still murder whether you use a rock or pistol to commit it."

Samara's lips twitched in amusement, "Precisely."

"Detective Anaya, please respond. We have a code 245 that requires your presence," the voice came from the police car's radio.

Anaya looked over at the radio, "I've got to go," she said. She held up the data pad, "I won't forget this. Oh, and good luck with whatever it is you're doing Spectre." The detective touched the air car's controls, causing the door to lower, and then she guided it out of the ship's cargo bay, responding to the call.

Shepard and Samara watched the police car disappear and then turned to one another. "I need to get Thane settled, but I'd like to drop by later if that's ok with you for my first mediation training?" Shepard asked her.

Samara nodded, "I believe we should begin as soon as possible. I look forward to seeing you later Shepard."

She watched Shepard stride away. The human stopped by Thane for a moment to speak to him and then the two of them headed toward the door. Today had been an interesting day; it had certainly helped confirm her initial impressions of Shepard. The Spectre was one of the rare individuals whose moral and ethical codes seemed to be extremely strong. Of course, she could still be wrong, Samara knew. Despite Shepard's vacillation today between the question of whether to arrest Nassana or allow Thane to kill the asari, Samara knew she hadn't seen Shepard in a situation where her morals were truly tested. The Spectre's decisions were an interesting mix between the purely tactically practical and an almost idealistic morality. It was an intriguing mixture, and Samara found herself wondering if it would withstand the test of time.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The Mass Effect universe is the property of Bioware/Electronic Arts. No infringement of these copyrights is intended as this is a not for profit fan fiction work.
> 
> Warning: angst; dark humor
> 
> Notes: This is inspired by the Beyonce song "Save the Hero," from the album I am…Sasha Fierce. This is an Alternate Universe story.
> 
> Rating: Teen
> 
> Feedback: Always welcome, feedback is what encourages me to keep writing. Please let me know what you like and what you dislike about the story.
> 
> Errors and Corrections: Yes, please let me know about any errors you see so that I can correct them. This is un-beta'ed so it probably has a few.
> 
> Revision History: 05/14/2010; 06/04/2010; 07/29/2010

**Normandy – Third Deck, outside of the XO's office and quarters**

Shepard paused outside of her XO's office, she still wasn't too sure if this bright idea of hers was a good one or not. Finding herself with two spare hours earlier today, she had found a public terminal and downloaded a copy of a book she had read several years ago during her freshman year at SAMA (Systems Alliance Military Academy). A psychological study of the different methods of leadership used over the course of history, focusing on why they were successful and what their weaknesses were, and then moving onto an in-depth study of the Alliance's military leadership methodology.

Shepard felt as if Miranda and she had become closer after she had helped Miranda protect her sister, and that the other woman was beginning to truly trust her. But this, this could backfire in her face in a very bad way since one of the leadership methods it went over was the emotionally manipulative method the Illusive Man employed to ensure Miranda stayed loyal to him. Even if the other woman didn't get angry with her, Shepard knew that doing this could tip her hand to the Illusive Man. Revealing that she was attempting to subvert the crew and switch their loyalty from Cerberus and him… to her. To have any chance of winning Miranda to her side though, Shepard knew she needed the woman to see what the Illusive Man was doing to control her and to understand how he was doing it. Shepard squared her shoulders and touched the door's control's.

Miranda looked up at the sound of the door, a small smile appearing as she recognized who it was, "Commander, What can I do for you?"

Shepard came all the way inside the office, letting the door shut behind her. "Have a minute?"

"Of course," Miranda said, rising up from her chair, "I've been meaning to speak with you in fact." She went over to her couch and sat on it. Shepard followed her over, watching the woman with growing concern when the black haired woman didn't look up at her, but instead stared at the floor as if lost in thought. Whatever the topic Miranda wanted to speak about, it obviously troubled her. Miranda finally looked up at Shepard when the Commander sat down on the couch as well. "I…wanted to apologize. I didn't fully believe that you'd be up to the task. And it seems I was wrong. Frankly, based on what I've seen I wish Cerberus had recruited you earlier."

Shepard didn't reply for a moment, various responses running through her mind, several of which she immediately discarded. "Miranda, you know I don't agree with Cerberus's methods or their goals. I've never made any attempt to hide that fact. Before my death, I shut down several Cerberus experiments on the rachni, thorian creepers and husks, where they were trying to create an army for themselves." Miranda looked ready to speak, but Shepard held up a finger indicating she wanted a moment longer, "We're working together right now to stop the Collectors, and I've been impressed with you and your performance as my XO, but there's no way I would ever join Cerberus." Shepard didn't say it angrily or accusingly, she just simply stated it, meeting Miranda's gaze evenly the entire time, and then she waited.

Miranda drew in a breath, "First, the husks were dead, the thorian creepers mindless and the rachni were abandoned once we understood their intelligence. Second, we weren't breeding an army. We were breeding expendable shock-troops for high-risk scenarios. How many soldiers died in Saren's attack on Eden Prime? How many would have lived if we'd had just a dozen rachni soldiers on our side?" With some effort, Shepard kept her expression perfectly even, betraying nothing of her thoughts. How little the Cerberus operative knew. With any luck, she would have more rachni soldiers on her side than a dozen, but they would be there of their own free will and volition.

"And Jack? Taking children and experimenting on them? Torturing them?" Shepard couldn't help the hint of anger that crept into her tone.

"A mistake," Miranda responded immediately. "No question, and not mine," she defended herself. "And one that was corrected once we discovered the extent of the experiments that were being performed."

Shepard really wanted to say something about the unacceptability of performing painful experiments on children in the first place, but she didn't want this conversation to disintegrate into Miranda defending Cerberus from her. She knew she would get nowhere with the other woman if she allowed that to happen. "With your intelligence and abilities you could have landed any job you wanted. Why choose this?"

Miranda looked relieved at the change in topic. She leaned back against the back of the couch. "Because I still envy the time Mordin spent with the Special Tasks Group, working with people as smart as he was." She shifted and leaned forward again, her gaze intent upon Shepard, "Cerberus never tells me that something is impossible. They give me the resources and say, "Do it." And they've given you even more. A new life, a new ship, the Illusive Man's personal attention…"

Attention, which she could have really done without, Shepard thought being careful to hide her reaction from Miranda. "And you, you've been a definite asset to me, the crew and this mission," Shepard responded, bringing the focus of the conversation back to the woman sitting opposite her.

Miranda shook her head, "You'd have done fine without me. I may not have believed it before, but…" she lowered her head, "I don't have what you do -- that fire that makes someone willing to follow you into hell itself." The black haired woman rose abruptly, and walked over to the other side of the room. She looked out the window, "My father got me the best genes money could buy. Guess it wasn't enough," she finished, her tone carrying a hint of bitter sarcasm.

Shepard knew she couldn't have asked for a better opening, but this wasn't the right time. She needed to address something else first, because this was hardly the first time Miranda had brought up this subject. "You always bring up your genetic tailoring. It really bothers you doesn't it." Shepard rose from the couch, and crossed over the intervening space between them to stand beside Miranda.

The black haired woman turned her head to look at the Commander, "This is what I am Shepard," she let out her breath in a huff. "I can't hide it. The intelligence, the looks, even the biotics…he paid for all of that." Miranda frowned, "Every one of your accomplishments is due to your skill. The only things I can take credit for are my mistakes."

Shepard immediately shook her head, "You're not coasting on good genes Miranda," she disagreed firmly. "Your ability and dedication speak for themselves."

Miranda turned to face her. The woman stared at her searchingly for a long moment before saying, "Thank you Commander, I appreciate that."

Noticing that the black haired woman looked about ready to end the conversation, Shepard said, "Being able to lead well is a skill, not inborn ability. You can get people to listen to you by being charismatic, but knowing how to leading them is something you have to learn how to do." Miranda had a crease between her brows and looked slightly dubious, but she was listening to her, Shepard noted. "And that's actually what I came down here to speak with you about. One of my responsibilities as your commanding officer is to address any weaknesses I see in your training. I think that both of us realize that you have difficulties leading people who don't already acknowledge your authority to lead."

Not surprisingly, Miranda didn't look thrilled to be discussing this, the black haired woman reluctantly nodded, "It's never been as much of an issue before this mission, but then I've mostly worked with other Cerberus operatives."

"For hundreds of years Earth's militaries have taken in young men and women and trained them how to lead. I know I have a gift for getting people to listen to me," Shepard admitted, and then she shook her head to emphasize her next point, "but that didn't make me a good leader. Officer training taught me how to lead people into battle and not get them, or me, killed. There's no reason why you can't learn it as well. I know you have the raw ability. You're able think tactically and I've seen you make good decisions based on that knowledge during combat. You just need to learn how to connect with people and persuade them that following your decisions is the right course of action for them to take in those situations."

Miranda looked surprised at Shepard's words. She shook her head, "I've never been able to do that."

"Most people entering the Systems Alliance Military Academy can't," Shepard stated, "but they can by the time they leave. You can learn how, you don't have to be born with the ability." Shepard activated her omni-tool, transferred over the book she wanted Miranda to read.

"What's this?" the black haired woman looked down at her omni-tool with a confused frown.

Shepard responded, "A book we were required to read the second semester of our first year, it's on the psychology of leadership. I'd like for you to read it, and when you're done I'd like to discuss it with you."

Miranda looked back up at her, a slightly incredulous expression on her face. Shepard could guess that Miranda was insulted that she thought the Cerberus operative needed to read a freshman year psychology text. "Give it a chance," Shepard requested, "I know you can be a better leader than you are now. That will help you learn how."

The other woman's blue eyes narrowed on her, "Very well Commander," Miranda agreed after a moment. "There's not that much for me to do during the next two days while we're docked and waiting for the upgrades to be completed anyway. I'm sure I can finish this before then," she said her tone taking on a touch of haughtiness.

Shepard almost smirked at that, she didn't really care if Miranda thought it beneath her to read the book, only that she read it. She nodded in acknowledgement, and then lowered her gaze, deep in thought. Should she or should she not? Wasn't it past time to actually thank Miranda for the exacting care the Cerberus operative had taken in rebuilding her, instead of just thinking that she should thank the other woman and not actually doing it? Was she withholding her thanks in some silently sullen punishment of the other woman for having brought her back to life? And if she was, wasn't that beneath her as a person, a marine, and as an officer? Of course there was the possibility that, after Miranda read the book she had just given her, the other woman would think that Shepard was trying to manipulate her if she thanked the Cerberus operative now. Should she continue to wait or not?

Shepard raised her head, "By the way, I've been meaning to thank you for the care you took in repairing me," she told the other woman, openly meeting the other woman's blue eyes and trying to convey her sincerity. "During just about every mission we've taken in since I woke up, I've had reason to be thankful for whatever enhancements you put into me. I'd probably had my head shot off by a gunship yesterday if I hadn't been able to duck so quickly, and I certainly wouldn't have taken on an Eclipse asari commando in unarmed combat today if I hadn't known I was stronger than her and just as fast because of them."

Miranda looked surprised for a moment, and then she smiled, "An asari commando, I'm impressed. Between their skills and biotics, their among the deadliest fighters in the galaxy. And you're welcome, Shepard." She stared at the Commander, her expression thoughtful. Finally she commented, "I think this is the first time you've mentioned them."

"It's been bit disconcerting," Shepard admitted, "being so physically different from what I remember. It's taken me time to get used to it."

Miranda scowled, "I really wish you hadn't been woken up early, you weren't even fully healed. I was preparing to bring you out from under sedation in a week or so depending on how fast you recovered from the final surgery when Wilson turned traitor. I already had a training program put together to help you adapt to the changes. Instead I had to wake you up early to save your life and," she made a dismissive motion with her hand, "well...we've been very busy ever since then."

And how much of that fit into the Illusive Mans plans, Shepard wondered, wondering once again if the mission pace they had kept since her waking was meant, at least partially, to keep her busy and off balance. Shepard shrugged philosophically, "That's how it goes sometimes." She cocked her head a little to the side and asked curiously, "Would it do me any good now."

"The exercise plan I developed?" Miranda asked and Shepard nodded. "Probably, I designed it to show you what you can do now and to give you an idea of your limits."

Shepard's brow rose, "That definitely sounds useful," she responded. It would be better to find her limits in the gym than in the middle of a mission. "Could you forward the program to me?"

"Certainly Commander," Miranda replied. "If you have any questions about it please let me know," she urged.

"I will," Shepard responded. She turned toward the door and then paused; while she was here she should ask about the operational state of the ship, "Is everything still on track so that we can leave for Tuchanka in two days?"

"You've decided to go there first rather than the Citadel?" Miranda was referring to the surprise dossier the Illusive Man had sent them, a master thief who went by the name Katsumi Goto. Shepard had thought they had recruited everyone until this last personnel file had arrived.

"How many pieces of armored glass has Grunt cracked so far?" Shepard asked her dryly.

Miranda grimaced, "Three, he's one of the reasons we can't leave tomorrow. The business we've been using was busy on another job today; we're on their schedule for tomorrow afternoon." She drew in a breath, "Shepard, you might have to accept that whatever's wrong with him might not be something related to him being krogan. Okeer wasn't a scientist; he might have made a mistake when he created Grunt. Perhaps this is some type of hormonal imbalance that's just revealed itself."

Shepard frowned, troubled, "I know that," she admitted, "but I'm hoping it's not, and that Wrex will know what's wrong with him."

Miranda just looked at her for a second. "You've done really well with him," she finally said, her voice sounding purposefully lighter to the Commander's ears. "I thought you were making a mistake to let him out, but he's certainly an asset to the team and he seems to have accepted you as his leader."

Shepard nodded, "Wrex and I talked a lot about the krogan, enough for me to have an idea what I'm doing with him."

"Well, whatever you're doing it's working," Miranda commented as she sat back down at her desk, "and hopefully, after having gotten out and killed a few Eclipse mercenaries today, he will be calmer. We might even be able to get to Tuchanka without him breaking another window." She shook her head, "At least I can hope. It's starting to get expensive."

Shepard chuckled, "That was the general idea behind taking him with me today."

She let go a breath of relief as she left Miranda's office. Well that had went better than she had hoped, now if only things continued that way and this didn't completely blow up in her face. Shepard said a quick prayer for just that. It might not help, but it surely couldn't hurt.

Continuing around toward the Observation Room, Shepard glanced at the door to Life Support. She would talk with Thane about the alteration in her memories later. He was still settling into his new quarters and she didn't want to bother him with her questions tonight. Inquiries about how he handled his race's unique memories, and her own explanations of why she was asking, could wait until tomorrow.

The Observation Room door opened, Samara was seated on the floor directly in front of the large observation window. A faint bluish white glow surrounded the justicar, indicating that her biotics were active. As Shepard walked further into the room, she noticed the asari had her hands raised and between them floated a globe of mass effect energy. Apparently meditating included creating and focusing upon her mass effect fields, no wonder the asari was such a powerful biotic if she spent several hours a day practicing her control.

"Shepard," Samara greeted her, the mass effect field around the asari flared more brightly for a moment and then dissipated away.

"Samara," Shepard replied with a smile, reminded of how Wrex used to greet her. She walked around the seated asari to stand in front of her. "Where would you like me to sit?"

"Where you are will be fine," the justicar responded and watched as Shepard seated herself, matching the asari's own lotus pose. "The meditation I wish to teach you will be time consuming in the beginning," Samara warned, "but it is not difficult. In order for it to be effective however, it must become part of your daily routine." The asari paused for a moment, her pale blue eyes meeting Shepard's light grey ones, and her expression quite serious.

The Spectre sighed and nodded, "This is important, so I'll make time for it." Shepard didn't like the idea of trying to fit one more thing in her day, but she liked the idea of what had happened yesterday happening again even less. She was human and wanted her cultural outlook to remain human.

"In this meditation, you will focus your thoughts on your memories of the events in your life which have been the most important in forming the person you are today," Samara explained, her voice serene and calming. "In order to do this, you must first identify those memories." Her pale blue eyes, so noticeable because of the lightness of their color set between the darkness of her pupil and the outer darker ring of the iris, held Shepard's gaze, "Begin with the earliest memory you can recall. Meditate upon it. Determine what influence that experience has had in shaping you as an individual. Your goal will be to select a small number of memories to meditate upon that form the core of your identity." The justicar added after a short pause, "As you gain life experiences you may wish to add to those memories, so this will be a process you will need to repeat."

Shepard hesitated, should she tell Samara about the changes to her memory because of the drell neurochemicals Wilson had used now or wait until later? This would be a very old memory though; surely there was little chance she would get caught up in it.

Shepard closed her eyes, focused her attention on her earliest memories. Before that day which destroyed her happiness, her naive belief in her and her family's safety, and made her turn her back on her previous dreams of the future to chose a different path. Before Mme. Katherine LeCroix had come to train her, and before the hours of practice in the dance studio under Mrs. Barden's keen eye. Even before the day she had watched the Nutcracker Suite being performed and become entranced with the Nutcracker March and the Russian dance and decided at the age of six that she wanted to be a ballerina when she grew up. Of course, she had wanted to dance the boy's part not the girls, it looked much more fun to dance and leap and play fight. After broken vase and a trip to the medical center for stitches to her chin after forcefully colliding with the coffee table, her mother had decided to enroll her in dance class and forbidden her from dancing in the house.

Prior to that memory and the one of her sixth birthday, there were memories from even earlier in her life. Ones where she wasn't sure of how old she was, only that she was very young, maybe four or so. Amanda wasn't entirely certain they were memories of a single event. It seemed more likely that they were several similar memories that her mind had combined together into one over the course of time.

She was lying down, the bed beneath her was comfortable and the pillow underneath her head was soft. The blankets were drawn up over her legs, keeping her warm. Her room was dark except for the gentle glow of the nightlight, which was partially obscured by the dresser. Her mother was sitting beside her, rubbing her back in slow circles and singing her favorite song, her voice low and gentle. The hand rubbing her back was soothing, making her feel relaxed and sleepy. She could hear the sound of a male voice from the video screen in the living area; her father was watching the news. He had already said good night to her and kissed her on the forehead before telling her to be a good girl and go to bed. She didn't know the meaning of the words her mother was singing only that she liked the fluid, soft, sound of them. Sometimes she tried to say them to herself, but they didn't come out sounding right. That was ok; she liked hearing her mother sing them best anyway.

Amanda allowed herself to bask in the warmth of the memory for a moment, before recalling what else she was supposed to be doing during this meditation. What influence had this had on her? After a moment she knew what the answer was, everything.

Everything that defined her was ultimately rooted this idyllic moment and others like it. Rooted in her parents love for her and then, with their violent deaths, her loss of that love. Everything that had happened since she decided to join the Alliance, all of it came from her decision to turn away from her dreams of being a dancer and becoming someone who could have protected her parents, her teachers, her friends. Someone who knew how to actually fight, instead of only knowing how to pretend fight and make it look good. Someone who could have stopped the batarian's from killing her teachers, and saved her mother from them instead of causing her death.

As she had once put hours upon hours into her dancing, after joining the Alliance she had put just as much effort into being the perfect marine. And then into being the perfect Special Forces specialist, and then into trying to be the best Spectre, even though she was often confused about what that even was or what the Council actually wanted or expected of her. Protecting though, that was always her purpose no matter what titles or positions she was given. She had done her best to protect both the Council and Alliance against Saren, and then against Sovereign once she understood that the ship itself was a Reaper. And she had managed it in spite of the Council and Udina's best efforts to stop her.

Despite the speeches the Council made the day they had welcomed humanity into their ranks and despite the fact that they had solicited her opinion on who should be humanities councilor, their doubts had surfaced soon thereafter. Shepard was far from stupid, and had seen thorough their efforts to get her away from the Citadel and away from the public's eyes by sending her after the Geth. And then she had died. How convenient that must have seemed to both the Council and the Alliance in their efforts to discount her warnings.

Thanks to the Illusive Man, she now knew exactly what the Alliance and Council had said of her before and after her death. He had sent her a copy of her Alliance personnel report along with various other Alliance documents as well as copies of various Council documents shortly after her encounter with Ashley on Horizon. When his message came in, she knew he was trying to persuade her over to Cerberus's side, and had left it unacknowledged and untouched until just recently. From what some of the crew had said, such as Ken and Gabby, the two engineers, she suspected reading those documents would both anger her and leave her feeling betrayed. She had been right.

Her Alliance personnel report contained a denied personnel action; she had been passed over for promotion to Commander from her current rank of Lt. Commander a month prior to the Citadel Battle. Her loyalty to the Alliance had been called into question because of all the non-humans she had brought inboard the Normandy and given access to classified systems, and because she was a Council Spectre, even though it had been their idea in the first place. Then there were Udina's official reports on her missions, in which he called several of her decisions reckless and informed the Alliance that he and the Council were concerned she was mentally unstable as a result of her contact with the beacon. With all of the negative marks on her record since she became a Spectre, Shepard wasn't surprised that she hadn't been promoted. Reading her Alliance personnel file had left her feeling thoroughly disillusioned with the organization to which she had given her loyalty and several years of her life, but not truly surprised. Most of the officers who made it to flag rank were as much politicians as they were military. She had caught hints of such doubts about her actions almost as soon as she had brought Garrus, Wrex and Tali aboard to help her track down Saren.

The Alliance brass had even known about her involvement with Liara, though not until after the Citadel Battle. Being involved with an asari who was also the daughter of a traitor had pretty much sealed her fate. They hadn't even considered offering her a promotion after the Citadel Battle. She didn't doubt that some of the Admirals used her relationship with the asari as their basis for second guessing her decision to save the Ascension and sacrificing the Fifth Fleet ships, even though it had been the correct tactical decision given the situation and had resulted in the Alliance gaining a seat on the Council. At least she now knew how Cerberus had known about her involvement with Liara. As for after her death, at least Admiral Hackett hadn't deserted her, even though he had eventually sided with those who felt she had been deceived by Saren when no more evidence supporting her assertions that the Reapers were real had come forth. Captain Anderson, or rather Councilor Anderson, had never stopped trying to get them to listen and believe that the Reapers were real. He was the only one that continued to stand up for her, something she wouldn't forget.

Were any of the Councilors besides Anderson listening to her at all? Had Ashley managed to get the specimens to them without tipping Cerberus off? Did they believe the information and scans she had sent through William's, or had they completely discounted it like they had discounted almost everything else she had told them? 'Here there be dragons…' the old warning whispered through her mind. She couldn't do anything about the Council, they would believe or not as they chose. She needed to focus on the things she could affect. At least there was one positive thing to come out of reading her records; she had found out that Udina hadn't mentioned the rachni Queen to the Alliance. That upped her chances that Cerberus and the Illusive Man had no idea about her connection to them.

Sometimes she truly ached for the innocent trust she had as a child, that a warm, loving hug could make everything alright, that those that loved you could protect you from everything that was bad in the world. Unfortunately, she knew that neither was true, but she wished it was. Still, perhaps for just a moment she could lay down the burdens of adulthood and just remember...

Amanda surrendered herself to the memory, to being a child again with no worries, no fears, and no knowledge of the boogeyman hiding in dark space that was only too terribly real. There was only the soft sound of her mother singing, and the gentle touch of her mother's hand upon her back, so soothing and relaxing. Occasionally, her mother's hand would stroke through her hair and that felt good too. She could smell a hint of her mother's perfume in the air, a soft, delicately floral scent with warm spicy undertones. Her mother's voice softened even more as she brought the song to an end. Then Amanda felt her mother lean over her. Her mother's hand gently cupped her head and her mother's lips pressed against her hair. "I love you," her mother whispered, her voice soft and lilting, and carrying a hint of her Irish accent.

Oh Goddess.... loss and sorrow rose swiftly and suddenly within Amanda; sometimes she missed her mother so very much.

"Shepard," a calm, melodious voice with a slight hint of concern in it and the feel of a hand on her knee brought Amanda out of her memories.

She opened her eyes and looked into Samara's pale blue ones. Still slightly lost in her memory, Amanda blinked and shook her head once, trying to clear the last vestiges of it from her mind. Tears on her lashes made her realize that she was crying. "Sorry," she mumbled to the justicar, feeling rather embarrassed about the emotional display as she carefully wiped tears from her eyes and the few that were wet on her cheeks. Thankfully, she seemed to have shed only a few of them.

Samara waved it away with an elegant motion of her hand, "There is no need for an apology Shepard." The asari had a troubled look on her face, "Your memories are very vivid," Samara commented, "It is not surprising that they can affect you so strongly."

Shepard drew in a breath, "They didn't use to be that way," she confessed with a sigh. Samara's gaze focused on her questioningly. "When Cerberus got my body it was badly damaged, they knew it was going to take a long time to rebuild me," Shepard explained. "Much longer than they believed my memories could stay intact, so to stop them from degrading they flooded my neural tissues with synthesized drell neurochemicals. It's caused a permanent change in my memories and in how my mind forms new memories. For my old ones, I can now recall every memory in my mind relating to an event. It has to do with the neurochemicals having increased the long term potentiation of my neural pathways, and means that I'm now able to recall things even if there's just one pathway to the memory. As for my new memories, their drell-like, I can remember everything that's happened since I woke up. It's not quite as vivid as if what I was remembering was actually happening, but their close."

The justicar was silent for a long moment, a slight frown turning the edges of her mouth downward and her expression growing even more troubled as she considered this information. "Will the effect of these neurochemicals decrease over time?" She eventually asked.

Shepard gave the asari a wry smile, "Yes, but I'll probably be dead before they do. The Cerberus scientists that looked at Wilson's work estimated the chemicals he synthesized won't degrade enough for them to stop affecting me for over a hundred years. So effectively it's permanent. It has its pluses and minuses," she admitted. "On the plus side, it's useful and interesting to be able to remember thing like the salarian's conversation about that reproduction data yesterday. On the minus side, occasionally I can get caught up in my memories at the worst possible times. I have to be careful and make an effort not to."

"This may make your meditation more difficult," Samara stated, and it seemed to Shepard that the asari was almost speaking more to herself than to Shepard.

Shepard shifted uncomfortably and cleared her throat, drawing the justicar's full attention once again. "I don't think so, that one was my fault. It's the earliest memory I have of my mother singing me to sleep." She lowered her gaze, "It's...very bittersweet for me," she admitted softly. "I let myself get caught up in it."

"That is what happened to you when you were speaking of hell week," Samara said, realization in her tone.

Shepard raised her introspective gaze from the floor to the asari and nodded, "Sometimes if I'm not paying attention it sneaks up on me. I think I've gotten pretty good at deflecting people's attention from it when it happens."

The justicar's pale blue eyes studied her, and Shepard had the disconcerting impression that Samara saw right through her. "I would agree, but the fact that you have become experienced at deflecting attention from these occurrences indicates that they happen frequently."

Shepard winced, it certainly hadn't taken Samara long to spot that. "I was planning on asking Thane for some suggestions, he has to have overcome similar issues." Then, underneath her breath, she added, "After all, he is a drell." She was doing the best that she could; after all it wasn't as if she had the faintest clue how to deal with her memories when this all began. Her efforts had all been trial and error, and for all she knew Thane would tell her she had been doing everything wrong.

Samara nodded, "He should be a valuable resource to you."

Shepard nodded, "I'm hoping so." She glanced out the window at the dark city skyline; the justicar had quite a nice view from here. She rubbed the back of her neck with one hand; maybe this was the time to bring up the prothean memories that she needed Samara's help to find. She looked back at the asari who was silently watching her. "Since we're on the topic of memories, remember when I told you that the prothean cipher had changed?" Shepard asked. When the justicar nodded, she continued, "The drell neurochemicals have something to do with it changing, I only started being able to remember the prothean memories after I woke up. Before I died, I couldn't directly access them at all. I understood the beacon message and a spoken warning message we found on Ilos that was in prothean, but that was all."

"And the asari that transferred the cipher to you, do you know if it is the same for her?" Samara questioned after a moment's thought.

Shepard shook her head, "No, it's not the same for her. When I spoke with Shiala just a few days ago, she told me that the cipher is still the same for her as it was in the beginning." The justicar's eyes sharpened on her, making Shepard wonder what she could have said that had caught Samara's attention. Of course it had been a little strange running into Shiala here, though she was happy she had been able to help the asari and the Zhu's Hope colonists with their contract problem.

"The reason I brought this up was because I wanted to ask you if you would be willing to help me find the other prothean memories," Shepard continued, finally stating the reason for her bringing this topic up in the first place. "Shiala estimated there would be no more than ten which were extensive enough to match my description of what I'm experiencing, and I've only found two. When I try myself, I get caught up in them. I can't seem to remember that I'm not that person until something external reminds me that I'm not. The first time it was Dr. Chakwas calling my name, the second time it was a picture of Liara that caused me to remember that I wasn't Lindariel." Well she definitely had Samara's full attention now, Shepard noted as the asari regarded her intently. "My hope is that if it's done through a meld then I won't get caught up in the prothean memory, or if I do you can pull me out of it. I'm a bit worried that one of them will show up at a bad time and get me killed, or I'll attack someone not knowing who they are at that moment."

Samara's eyes widened briefly at her last statement. The justicar frowned, "Shiala cannot help you? She would seem to be the best choice since she is already familiar with the cipher."

Shepard inclined her head in agreement, "I did ask her, but she and the other colonists are having some health issues due to what they suspect is trace amounts of thorian spores still in their systems. It's caused her biotics to become unstable. She didn't think she could safely meld with me."

"If her biotics are unstable and they flare while she is in a meld then both of you could be seriously injured," Samara agreed with a faint frown.

To Shepard, Samara didn't seem very pleased with the direction the conversation was going. Of course, they were still strangers, and melding wasn't something asari did lightly. "I'm sorry," Shepard apologized, feeling embarrassed, "I should have realized that it was rude of me to ask you so soon. I've done fine so far, I'm sure I can find the other prothean memories myself in the same way I have been." She uncrossed her legs, getting ready to rise and leave Samara to her meditations.

The asari reached out again, this time the hand on Shepard's knee was firm instead of gentle, and prevented her from rising. "I did not say that I would not, Shepard," Samara informed her, "but such a meld will be greatly more intrusive of your privacy than the ones yesterday. I will have to search through your memories to find the prothean ones. In the process of searching for them, I will undoubtedly witness many of your memories as well as your thoughts and feelings regarding them."

Shepard frowned, she hadn't really considered that the meld would be so… Damn it, she knew what Samara was saying, this would be closer to a union bonding than a normal meld because the asari didn't know exactly what she was looking for. "Even though we melded that once, I wouldn't say that I know Shiala well either," she said. "I just seem to be around when she needs help."

The justicar gave her a long, studying look, "You do seem to freely offer your aid to those in need," she observed.

"Well, when I can help why shouldn't I?" Shepard responded. She sighed, focusing her thoughts back upon the subject of melding. "If I concentrate, I think that I can at show you the two memories I have already found. That should give you a good starting point." Shepard met Samara's gaze, looked solemnly into those pale blue eyes. "As for anything else you might see… I trust you, both not to go randomly looking around, and to keep what you may see to yourself.

"Because I am a justicar?" Samara asked evenly, giving Shepard no hint what the asari might think of her basing her decision on that factor alone.

Shepard shook her head, "No, though that does tell me something important about you. Its different things I've noticed over the past two days." She met Samara's questioning gaze, "Your reluctance to attack the police and your effort to find a way to avoid being forced to do so, even when you thought it meant putting aside your pursuit of this Ardak-Yakshi you're trying to stop. The way you thought about the possibility of bystanders below being injured when I knocked that mercenary off the bridge. Every one of those instances told me something about you. So, no, it's not just because you are a justicar."

Samara's gaze was not questioning any longer, instead it was evaluating. After a moment the asari inclined her head, "Very well, Shepard I will assist you."

Shepard drew in a relieved breath, "When would you like to start?" She didn't want to assume anything, and the meditations probably needed to take precedence over finding more prothean memories.

"We may start now if you wish," Samara replied to Shepard's surprise. The Spectre stared at the justicar for a blank second and then, gathering her wits about her, nodded. As Shepard watched, the asari slipped her legs out of her lotus pose and gracefully rose to her feet. Samara a few steps forward to stand above her, and then sat back down on the floor opposite her. Their knees were almost touching now.

"Give me a second to drop my barriers." The last time Shepard had let someone fully into her mind it had been Liara. She drew in a breath and determinedly pushed that memory away. Those times were behind her now, and she really didn't want that to be the first thing Samara saw when the justicar entered her mind. Taking in a breath and then exhaling it slowly, Shepard consciously relaxed her mind and let her mental barriers drop. It took some effort for her not to immediately raise them again because she almost felt almost naked with them down. It was actually a little frightening how little time it had taken her to get thoroughly used to their protective presence, Shepard reflected. "Ready," she said to the asari.

"Relax Shepard, open your mind and reach out for the threads that bind us all together," Samara repeated the familiar words in a serene tone. Shepard closed her eyes, the words were almost a ritual and she did know how to do this. "We are all connected, every single being united in a single glorious existence." Shepard reached out mentally toward the justicar. "Open yourself to the universe. Embrace eternity."

Shepard was immediately aware of how different this felt from the times she had melded before. She was certain it hadn't felt this way when Liara had tried to help her make sense of the cipher or when Shiala had transferred the cipher to her. She was consciously aware of Samara's presence in her mind in a way she hadn't been those times before, and had to act quickly to stop herself from rather unceremoniously ejecting Samara as soon as she felt the asari enter her mind. It was something that surprised both of them. Shepard hadn't even been consciously aware of building those mental defenses.

Though on reflection perhaps it wasn't that surprising, the techniques for doing so were in Lindariel's memories along with the techniques for building the mental barrier. When she had built them for the first time yesterday, she had definitely not been at her best. She had followed along with the Elder Instructors memory like a novice cook following a recipe from a master chef, not really knowing what the end result would be, but hoping it would turn out correctly if she replicated the steps perfectly. Given what had just happened, she had obviously built both the mental barrier and the mental defenses without realizing what she was doing.

In the single day since then, she had come to understand more of what she was doing and why, but she was still following the steps laid out for her in Lindariel's memory. The Elder Instructor hadn't been teaching herself the techniques, and determining the reasons and theory behind why the prothean did what she did would take some searching though Lindariel's memories. Searching that Shepard hadn't had the time to complete yet. And Shepard now knew there was no guarantee that she would ever find them, the more she explored Lindariel's memories the more she realized there were large blocks of time missing. The Elder Instructor's memories weren't nearly as complete as she had first assumed.

Still, as interesting as the fact that she had mental defenses was, learning about them wasn't the reason why Samara was melded with her. The asari had made it clear that she didn't want to be exposed to random memories if at all possible, so she needed to try and keep them from wandering though her mind. Something that was harder than she had thought it would be, trying to concentrate upon not thinking of random thoughts actually seemed to cause more of them to appear. It was almost as if her own mind was trying to spite her.

Focus on one thing only and let it clear you mind of everything else, the thought came into her mind. Shepard couldn't immediately tell if it was Samara trying to help her or if she had accessed Lindariel's memories. Given what she had been meditating upon right before this, the first thing that came to Shepard's mind where the words to the song her mother had been singing to her. Unfortunately, it was poorly suited for the purpose of clearing her mind, as it had almost entirely the opposite effect. Amanda's understanding of the Gaelic words, which didn't necessarily agree with the actual translation, accompanied each softly sung verse. In addition, accompanying the song were fragments of memories and thoughts which her mind currently associated with the verses.

 

_Bí Thusa 'mo shúile a Rí mhór na ndúil_  
(Be my eyes, O king of creation (You who are our creator))

A dark room, her mother's singing and soothing touch. The peaceful innocence of childhood security, her mother's love.

_Líon thusa mo bheatha mo chéadfaí 's mo stuaim_  
(Fill my life with understanding and patience)

"I knew Neylna better than Saphyria," Shepard said gently, "but I can't think that either one of them would have wanted you to react to their loss like this."

_Bí thusa i m'aigne gach oíche 's gach lá_  
(Will you be my mind every night and every day)

"Oh," the pained sound the woman made then made it only too clear that her words had struck home, "I'm not a…" Erinya stumbled backward, "I didn't..." The raw anguish on the asari's face washed away the anger Shepard had been feeling toward her for what she was trying to do to the colonists. She watched as the asari was stopped by the barrier behind her, and then slid down to kneel upon knees and weep.

_Im chodladh no im dhúiseacht, líon mé le do ghrá_  
(Sleeping or awake fill me with your love)

She looked upon Neylna and Saphyria's mother full of compassion and understanding, "Though you may feel alone in your grief, never doubt that she is with you always. That she knows your heart, your pain and your loss, and that she grieves with you." The asari gave a choked cry and then Amanda's arms were full of a grieving mother.

_Bí thusa 'mo threorú i mbriathar 's i mbeart_  
(Will you be my guidance in my words and actions)

"Oh Goddess," the frightened, whispered words drew Shepard's attention as she passed a doorway, "Oh Goddess, don't let them see me. If they do see me, don't let them kill me. What am I doing here?"

_Fan thusa go deo liom is coinnigh mé ceart_  
(Stay with me forever and keep me on the right path)

"I care," Shepard stated, staring into Garrus's eyes, "Pitne For does not deserve to get away with killing those asari simply because they were Eclipse mercenaries." she stated forcefully.

"Why?" Elnora asked her, "Why do you care about what I do?"

"And now you're here to kill me," Nassana accused her. Whose justice do I follow here, Shepard questioned herself, human or asari? Then came the quiet answer. Is it not hubris to hold human justice higher than asari justice on an asari world and for an asari?

And this commandment we have from Him (our Creator), that the one who loves God should love his brother (his creations) also.

_Glac cúram mar Athair, is éist le mo ghuí_  
(As my father (and mother) take care of me and listen to my prayers)

Help me stop the Reapers. Help me stop the Illusive Man and Cerberus. You are our creator, in your eyes we are all equally your children. Thus no race should seek dominion over the others.

_Is tabhair domsa áit cónaí istigh I do chroí_  
(And give me a place to live inside your heart)

In love and reverence I kneel before you. Before all others, I am yours.

 

Now her mind was silent and still, floating in a perfect place of love and being. She was part of all and yet she was also only herself. Uniqueness and Unity. Finite and Infinite. 'Remember' a voice whispered softly through her mind, almost too faint to be heard.

The feel of Samara's consciousness within in her mind drew Amanda out of her trance like state. She almost cried out at the loss of it, trying to recapture wherever she had just been, but as always, once lost, it was gone. Leaving her feeling lessened as if she had somehow just been more than she was now, and feeling a deep aching loss as if something infinitely precious had just been torn away from her.

Samara's mental presence felt like a steadying influence in her mind as she fully came back to herself from… wherever it was that she had just went in her own mind. Shepard had no idea what the justicar thought of what had just occurred, except for that moment of lent strength, the asari's emotional state was completely closed off to her. Whatever Samara's thoughts were on what had just happened, the asari was keeping them to herself. In many ways that seemed a blessing, Shepard had enough issues dealing with her own conflicted emotions and thoughts at the moment.

Wherever it was she had been, it was not unknown to her, but always before she had been there in her dreams. Dreams which, as soon as she had awakened, had dissipating like fog in the morning sunlight. Dreams that were ephemeral and easily dismissed, if only because she really didn't want to think about the troubling implications of her remembering where her soul had gone after she died. This was the clearest it had ever been, but that cleared up none of the confusion in her mind. She still didn't know quite what to think of what had just happened. Was what she had just experienced a true memory or only hallucinations brought about by the drugs Miranda and Wilson kept her sedated with during the months her body healed?

She had no delusions of being some type of messianic figure. In fact that was one thing she was absolutely certain that she was not, she was just Amanda Athene Shepard the same person… flashes of memory flowed through her mind: nightmarish orange glowing of cybernetics in the dark making her look like some type of evil cyborg straight out of a horror movie; the news of the drell neurochemicals explaining the strangeness of her memories so different from how she remembered them being; the disorienting experience of recalling her first prothean memory.

Alright, maybe she was not quite the same person she had been before she died, but she was definitely not some Goddess sent hero fated to save the galaxy. She wouldn't be getting any divine guidance, or nifty supernatural abilities, or anything else besides the four billion credit's worth of cybernetic augments and implants Cerberus had rebuilt her with and her increased biotic abilities. Of course some of that had gone into equipment, station upkeep, and staff so maybe it was just two billion credits or so worth of hardware inside her, Shepard mused, steadfastly ignoring the tiny voice in the back of her mind which still babbled to itself in disbelief over the astronomical figure. Anyway, how many credits her new body was worth aside, Shepard was quite certain that she could fail and doom not only everyone now, but all of the races to follow them to the Reapers cycle of extinction. Only a little pressure there, Amanda thought to herself sarcastically.

No, she was not some Goddess sent hero. She just was just a mortal with her duty, no matter how daunting it seemed, clear before her. Amanda did her best to ignore both the sense bitter loss and the sharp claws of anger that flexed and pricked at her insides as her entire being cried out at the loss of perfection that she sensed she had known for too short a time. And yet that same loss was also a source of solstice, comfort and strength in this existence she had woken up to find herself within once again, for she had touched and known that perfection if only for a little while. The mixture of conflicting emotions was bewildering. And to add to the chaotic mix, rising above it all was the inescapable sense that she was where she was supposed to be, and that to rebel against the fact that she was alive and mortal once again was…wrong and shameful even though she had no idea why she felt that way.

Again it was Samara's presence in her mind that reminded her of what they were supposed to be doing. Not with words, but with thoughts, the justicar asked if she wanted to continue or end this for tonight. Shepard had to admire the asari's control over her thoughts and emotions; she had no idea which of the two options Samara would prefer.

So much for focusing on something to clear her mind Shepard thought chagrined. The topic of what had happened or what might have happened while she was dead, made her feel uneasy and on edge. It was much easier and simpler to ascribe the strange memory to her months of drug induced coma and not to an actual memory of where her soul had been while she was dead. Something she had dreamed, and then not been able to wake up from so that it now seemed as if it had been real. After all, how could her brain possibly have a memory of what her soul had experienced while it wasn't even in her physical body? Yes, a drug induced dream made all the more real seeming by the drell neurochemicals flooding her neural tissues, that was all it was, Shepard decided firmly, resolutely dismissing as best she could what had just occurred.

No, she didn't want to end this; she would go directly onto remembering her prothean memories and not dally about trying to clear her mind or anything else. Samara had been curious about her biotic charge. The only reason Shepard believed she had been able to do it before becoming consciously aware of Suiadan's memories was because she had subconsciously let his memories of how to do it take over each time she charged. Now though, with his memories consciously available to her and having done it enough times herself, the technique was engrained within her own memories and body. She knew what to do and how to do it, but teaching it to someone else was another matter. The death of Suiadan's student was clear within her mind, making her hesitant to try and instruct this to anyone else without first working with a professional biotics teacher to determine how to teach it safely. Teaching Samara how to construct mental barriers the other day had been more difficult than Shepard had expected it would be, demonstrating that there was a distinct difference between remembering teaching someone, and actually teaching someone.

Shepard focused on the first memory she had recalled of Suiadan's. The sun shone brightly down upon the long green expanse of grass bordered by tall fences to prevent anyone from accidentally wandering onto the biotic practice field. Suiadan was patiently explaining once again how to focus and maintain a mass effect field of sufficient strength and shape to form a short corridor within which Senior Student Tuarwen would float, safely cushioned and very close to mass free.

She let the memory play out and then simply tried to not think of any particular thing as she had in the medical bay the day when Dr. Chakwas had asked her to focus on her prothean memories.

Lead Senior Technical Engineer Eeiathwen Tathlinde frowned as she read through the initial proposal from the Department of Musical Theory. It certainly sounded like a fascinating idea, using an alpha-theta wave mental interface to read a musical composition directly from a composer's mind and then score it using a musical matrix to determine the instruments used and the notes played as well as the correct timing. That was the first requirement, the second requirement was that the mental interface be able to play back the composition within the composers mind as if they were hearing it being played in the universities concert hall. At the same time, they wanted a display of the score to be output to a standard data station display, either as is or after it had been altered manually. Then using the alpha-theta mental interface, they wanted to be able to incorporate changes to the score as the composer mentally made them.

Eeiathwen wasn't sure the programming for such a thing was possible, but that wasn't her concern. She was just signing off on whether or not the proposal was technically feasible given their current equipment. If it wasn't, she needed to determine whether the university could purchase the needed equipment. If she could find nothing on the market that matched the specifications needed, then she would need to determine how feasible it would be for her department to fabricate the needed equipment. In that case she would forward it around to the other senior engineers before writing up her recommendation. This looked like it might fall into that third category, at least the second part of the request. The first, the input of the musical information was straight forward, and a standard interface should be able to handle it with only a little bit of fine tuning. The second alpha-theta input device however, was another issue, it needed to interact with both the user's thoughts and the musical matrix at the same time in order to accurately play back the music to the composer. That would present some interesting technical issues that would need to be overcome as well as presenting some safety concerns.

If, as she suspected, an interface matching these specification was not available, she and the other engineers would need to figure out whether or not they could design an alpha-theta interface that would do what the Music Theory Department wanted. First things first though, she needed to make sure such a thing didn't already exist. Eeiathwen was actually hoping that it didn't, because this certainly looked like a rather intriguing engineering challenge.

It wasn't until Eeiathwen had been searching the data network for a few hante that she noticed she had been using her left hand for most of the data entry instead of hunting and pecking with her right hand. She stared at her left hand, flexing the fingers and then clenching them, marveling at how well the prosthetic reacted to the nerve input. She really couldn't tell the difference between it and her real hand anymore. Except of course that she knew, Eeiathwen remembered only too clearly the stump that had been there when she woke up in the hospital. It had been over a month since the accident that had destroyed the bone and tissue of her left hand so badly that the surgeons had elected to replace it with a cybernetic prosthetic. The new hand looked exactly like her old one, and now that all the signs of her surgery had healed, she could hardly tell where her own flesh ended and the prosthetic began.

Still, it was rather strange to know that it wasn't the same hand she had been born with, no matter how real it looked, Eeiathwen couldn't quite think of it as being as real as her other hand. The therapists assured her that she would soon stop regarding the prosthetic as some foreign appendage that wasn't really her own. Right now she was still adjusting to the loss of her hand and that was part of her refusal to fully accept the cybernetic replacement. She had to adjust to a new body image they told her, and once she did that the fact that she had a prosthetic replacement hand would stop bothering her. She knew the therapist was right, she was already adjusting to it, and it wasn't as if she had lost any functionality. If anything, the new hand was better than before, she wouldn't have any more issues with hand strain after working all day.

Eeiathwen thought it would be a while longer however, before she felt entirely comfortable touching her mate with this hand. Bless him, Idhrenion had already noticed. "You are still you," he had firmly informed her, taking her new prosthetic hand in his, "and I love all of you." Eeiathwen smiled at the memory, and turned back to her data terminal, she was a lucky woman. She was alive, and with as severe as the accident had been she could have easily been more severely injured. She could have died. But she hadn't, and she had a wonderful mate who had been by her side through all of it.

Shepard, Eaithwen more thought the name than heard it, she frowned glancing around her office in confusion for the source. That wasn't a familiar word or was it a name? Amanda Athene Shepard, this time the mental call was more insistent. There was a moment of disorientation as Amanda was caught in between her memories of Eeiathwen and her own memories. The prothean cultural mindset faded and Shepard became aware that she was in a meld with Samara and that the justicar had been successful in finding another prothean memory.

Lucky woman indeed, Amanda thought as her mind cleared, feeling a surge of mingled jealousy and sorrow. She was immediately annoyed with herself, jealous of a woman who had been dead for over 50,000 years, how childish. Just let it go, Shepard told herself sternly, it wasn't like it would do her any good. She wouldn't want Liara back just because the asari pitied her anyway. Not that there was that much to pity, her body was better than ever after all, much like Eeiathwen's new hand.

She just...what was the word Eeiathwen had used? Body image. Amanda's mind latched onto the word from Eeiathwen's memory, she just had to get used to a new body image. It made sense; she had to make the mental shift from how she had perceived her body before she died to accepting a new perception of her body as it was now. It was just that she had to get used to much more than just her hand being replaced, Amanda thought, remembering the image of her original body as Cerberus had received it in Wilson's office. She had impacted with the planet's surface hard enough to completely shatter some of her bones. Then there were the burns from being caught in the explosion of the Normandy, her internal injuries, and oh yes, not to forget her favorite, a severe case of freezer burn from exposure to sub-zero temperatures while a Spectrecicle. Blackened, tenderized and frozen, she almost sounded like some ready-to-cook dish, Shepard mused grimly.

She felt Samara's startled reaction to her thoughts just before the asari withdrew from her mind. Damn it, her and her bizarre black humor. Shepard opened her eyes. If she hadn't felt Samara's dismay, she would have never guessed of it now from the justicar's calm expression. "Sorry, lousy sense of humor about it I know," Shepard apologized, feeling rather embarrassed.

The asari regarded her silently for a long moment, "I had read that humans often deal with stress by using humor as a way of diffusing it."

Shepard winced; well that was a rather clinical statement. Now if only it wasn't such an accurate one as well. "In this case what's called black or gallows humor, but yes, I guess it's my way of trying to deal with the reality that I was dead."

"Gallows humor," Samara inquired, a slight frown forming.

"Black humor done by the person affected by the subject matter," Shepard clarified. As she thought about it some more her lips twitched and she couldn't stop the snort of laughter that escaped. The justicar regarded her bemusedly. "Sorry," Shepard tried to explain, "It's just that it's normally used when death seems inevitable, such as on the way to the gallows, which was where it got its name from. I may be the first person to use it after death and to deal with not being dead anymore instead of completely the other way around." She bowed her head and shook it; it was difficult to wrap her mind around the reality of her life sometimes.

Samara reached out and touched her knee, surprising Shepard who looked up at her questioningly, "You are exceptionally strong willed Shepard and are possessed of an unwavering resolve to overcome any obstacles in your way. You will rise above these difficulties and grow stronger because of them." Samara removed her hand, laying it upon her own thigh. Yet the fact that she had reached out, had said what she had said remained.

"Thank you," Shepard actually felt rather humbled by the justicar's words and confidence in her. Samara nodded regally in response, but didn't say anything further. At a loss of what to say next, Shepard grabbed the first thing out of the air that she could think of, "Well you did locate another memory, and you pulled me out of it."

"Shepard," she could tell by Samara's tone and suddenly serious expression that she probably wasn't going to like this, "The prothean memory that I found… I had difficulty maintaining my own separateness from it at first," the justicar admitted, not looking very pleased at all with having to confess such a thing. "The closest I have ever come to experiencing anything like it was while in union with another." Their eyes met, Samara's expression was very sober, "As you informed me, you initially experience a prothean memory as if you were actually that prothean individual living their life. That is unlike any asari bonding experience," Samara stated, "we never lose sense of who we are as an individual separate from the person we are bonding or melding with."

Shepard knew that to be true from her own experiences of bonding with asari. The prothean memories were definitely different from the memories she had experienced while joining with Liara. She had always been aware that she was witnessing Liara's memories of events. With the prothean memories, it was if was as if she were actually experiencing the person's life along with them. There just wasn't that sense of separation between her and them. Finally she asked warily, "So that means what exactly for me?"

"That finding each prothean memory affects your sense of self more strongly than an asari bonding in union with another individual," Samara stated gravely. "Shepard, you're aura has shifted, not significantly, but enough that I am able to notice the difference. It is possible that as you incorporate the new memories into your own it will shift back once again," the asari offered, "but I cannot say for certain. The meditation technique I began teaching you tonight should help you maintain your sense of identity."

That was serious; Shepard reached up and rubbed her forehead for a moment thinking intently. "So I should wait and see if I can get things to settle in my mind before we try to find another one," she commented with a sigh, "And in the meantime, I should meditate every day and avoid any thoughts that might cause me to find one on my own."

"That would seem to be a prudent course of action," Samara agreed after a moment, her gaze understanding. It was not an ideal answer, but, with what they knew right now, it was the best answer there was at this moment.

Shepard nodded, that had been what she had suspected. Oh well, at least she now had three of the memories found and, in an odd coincidence, she had a new perspective on her cybernetics. Or maybe it wasn't coincidental, maybe the fact that she had been thinking about them had something to do with that being the memory Samara had found.

She looked over at the justicar who was glancing out the observation window at this particular moment, "Do you think the fact that I was thinking about my cybernetics had anything to do with you finding Eeiathwen's memory instead of another one?"

Samara turned her gaze away from view outside the window and back to her. She looked intrigued at the idea, "That is a possibility," she allowed, "but I could not say for certain at this point. Perhaps if something similar occurs again."

That was reasonable, Shepard decided. "I should leave you to your meditations," she said reluctantly, knowing that she should return to her cabin to continue her meditations and not take up any more of Samara's time. Plus if she became emotional again while remembering her past, she wouldn't make both of them uncomfortable. She still needed to decide which memories would make up the core group for her to use while meditating. After what she had just learned, that task had taken on an added urgency in her mind. As interesting and useful as the prothean memories were, she didn't want to lose her sense of who she was as an individual and as a human to them.

Before she could rise, Samara said, "Shepard, I would like to make a request of you."

"Sure," the Spectre settled back to the floor and gazed expectantly at the asari. After what she asked of Samara, Shepard was ready to agree to almost anything the justicar wanted of her unless it was completely unreasonable.

"I would like to learn Lindariel's techniques," the justicar continued, "as I mentioned yesterday, Morinth can twist the minds of those around her, it would seem to be a useful skill to learn."

"Of course," Shepard agreed after a surprised moment, "I suspect you'll pick it up easily." The more she thought about it the better an idea it seemed, "And maybe between the two of us we can figure out the theory behind it."

 

**Normandy – Port side Observation Room**

Neither the teaching nor the learning of how to create a mental barrier had proved to be as simple a lesson as Shepard had initially believed. Given the human's bemused reaction to the difficulties they had encountered, Samara suspected that Shepard hadn't realized exactly how much of an advantage the prothean memories gave her when it came to doing these activities herself. Having the memories made it as if Shepard had already completed the task or action many times before, even if this was the actual first time she had attempted it.

Still, they had made significant progress and Samara felt as if both of them were gaining a greater understanding of the techniques Lindariel used this way. Shepard had left to continue her meditations in private about thirty minutes ago. Samara had not attempted to dissuade her, the asari understood only too well the desire to keep painful memories to oneself and not display them before others.

The justicar stared out of the city; she knew she wasn’t the best choice to help Shepard. She had never been good with emotional issues, one of the reason’s she blamed herself for Mirala’s choice to run instead of going into seclusion. She had spent too much time lecturing her eldest daughter on her responsibilities and duty after the diagnosis had been made, and too little time comforting her. It had caused her daughter to hate her. “I’m not the one who made me this way, Mother,” she could still remember the angry, hurtful words Mirala had hurled at her just days before her daughter left.

She had said nothing in reply. What could she say? They were true. Mirala’s dreams of the future had been even more devastatingly shattered by the news than her own dreams of enjoying her family. She had the opportunity to wander the galaxy when she was a maiden. She had fought, mated, danced and experienced so many different things before settling down. In one fell stroke that future had been taken away from her daughter, and Mirala was expected instead to live out her entire life in seclusion. Her eldest daughter had chosen to run. She had killed again, and again, and again, and eventually Samara accepted that what she had been told was true, her daughter was addicted to the rush she received from killing her mates. Mirala would never be able to stop herself. The strongest and smartest of her daughters, the wild one who had loved having fun, had turned into a monster, and it was her fault; she was responsible for her daughters being Ardat-Yakshi.

She wondered what Shepard would think when the human learned that the killer they were seeking was her own daughter. Would the Spectre understand? From Shepard's memories, she knew that the human had a very close and loving relationship with her mother before the woman had died. Those had been poignantly painful to witness, calling up memories of her daughters when they were that small and innocent. Would Shepard understand why she had become a justicar and why she was the one who bore the responsibility of stopping Mirala?

She didn't know the answer, even after the melding between them. Shepard was a study in contradictions: kind and compassionate in some circumstances, offering herself without hesitation to those in need, and in others Shepard was a ruthlessly efficient killer. The human was possessed of an almost indomitable will to succeed, and yet was vulnerable and easily hurt by those she let close to her. Kind, compassionate, ruthless, violent, impulsive, calculating, practical, idealistic, and devout, those were all words that could be used to accurately describe the Spectre. No wonder humans were said to be difficult to predict.

Samara was aware of the news reports beginning to circulate about the presence of the Spectre on Illium. Some of the news reporters had been very busy in the hours since they had left the Dantius Towers, and had found out about the Spectre's activities since Shepard had arrived on Illium. There were estimates that the Spectre was responsible for the deaths of nearly a hundred Eclipse mercenaries over the past three days. Given what she had witnessed and overheard the police officers saying, Samara was not surprised.

Now that her name was being linked to the Spectre's, all kinds of wild speculations were spreading about why a Justicar and Council Spectre were working together and why they had targeted Nassana Dantius and the Eclipse mercenaries. None of them were at all close to the truth. And to think, the Illium authorities had been concerned about the disruption a Justicar could cause, Samara thought to herself with no little amusement. And now their own unjust actions had directly led to her swearing an oath to Shepard to assist the Spectre with the human's mission, something that they were no doubt aware of by now, courtesy of Detective Anaya.

Truly though, Samara reproved herself after a moment, she had more important things to think about than the consternation of certain Illium civil authorities at the outcome of their actions. Such as the human she had sworn her oath to, and what she had learned from their meld tonight.

Samara understood that part of the reason Shepard had chosen her to confide in was simply because she was an asari, and thus the sole crew member that could help Shepard locate the prothean memories within her mind. After her experience tonight, Samara concurred that a meld was the safest way to find them. Until she had brought Shepard out of the memory, the human had experienced it exactly as though she were the prothean to whom the memory originally belonged. If one of the memories were of a prothean inclined to react violently to finding themselves in a strange place, there was indeed the very real possibility that Shepard might kill someone thinking that they meant harm to her.

It had been many centuries since Samara had allowed herself to care about anyone. Yet she found herself caring about Shepard, and wanting to aid the human through the difficulties she was facing. That was troublesome; she firmly believed that a Justicar could not afford to become too attached to anyone. Especially when there was still the possibility that some day the Code might force her to kill the Spectre, one day, no matter how eventful, was hardly enough time to conclude whether that was likely or not.

Samara felt a brief spark of anger toward the absent Liara T'Soni, who could have easily reassured Shepard that the reconstructive work that had been done to restore her body, and the physical changes resulting from them, did not make her into an inhuman cyborg. Then she chided herself, the maiden was very young, and she knew Shepard didn't want Liara to be with her out of pity. She understood that, she detested being pitied herself, having had her fill of it many centuries earlier. She had realized yesterday that Shepard was bothered by something Cerberus had done to bring her back to life. But Samara hadn't realized that Shepard's problems with what had been done to her ran so deep, or were so intimately intertwined with the human's issues surrounding her death.

The justicar didn't know what to make of the trance like state Shepard had entered either; she had never experienced anything like that before. Shepard was adamant that it was more likely a drug induced dream than an actual memory. Samara hadn't brought the subject up after the meld; she had suspected that the human would simply become more obstinate in her refusal to consider that it might be real. Her death seemed to be too emotional of a subject for Shepard to rationally deal with at the current time.

As much as she valued strength and self-reliance, Samara couldn't blame Shepard for having difficulties accepting what had happened to her. Dying and being brought back to life by a human supremacist organization willing to spend billions of credits to rebuild you. The very possibility seemed outside the realm of what was probable, and yet it had happened to Shepard.

Samara stared at the view of the city. Shepard should have had professional psychological help and time to deal with what had happened to her. Unfortunately the current situation provided neither, or at least no one that Shepard would trust. She, Garrus and Tali would have to suffice to provide the support Shepard needed while dealing with the fact that she had died and then been brought back to life, as well as dealing with the fact that due to the damage done to it, her body was not the same as it had been before her death.

An asari, turian and quarian, Samara mused, Shepard had made interesting choices of whom to befriend, both on this ship and on her last, especially considering that both times the majority of the crew had been human.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The Mass Effect universe is the property of Bioware/Electronic Arts. No infringement of these copyrights is intended as this is a not for profit fan fiction work.
> 
> Warning: none
> 
> Notes: This is inspired by the Beyonce song "Save the Hero," from the album I am…Sasha Fierce. This is an Alternate Universe story. The portrayal of Cerberus in my story is heavily influenced by the contents of the second and third official Mass Effect universe books, Ascension and Retribution, in addition to the Mass Effect games. In Retribution, two characters with extensive intelligence gathering networks to back up their assertions explicitly state that Cerberus seeks to eliminate their race. One high ranking diplomat cites Cerberus' existence and actions as the main reason behind their opposition to humanity joining the Council. The portrayal of Cerberus in the official Mass Effect books is as an extremely xenophobic terrorist group. Cerberus' actions in the books are magnitude of orders worse than those presented in the Mass Effect games and most of the Cerberus operatives we are introduced to hate aliens and sometimes kill them for no other reason than they are not humans. The character of asari Spectre Teva Vasir comes from the Cerberus Daily News, where she has been mentioned several different times.
> 
> Citation Help! - Deciding that Tevos is actually the asari Councilor's last name is not my idea, another writer did it first. Problem is I can't remember who or what fanfic now, if someone knows please let me know so I can properly credit them.
> 
> Rating: Teen
> 
> Feedback: Always welcome, feedback is what encourages me to keep writing. Please let me know what you like and what you dislike about the story.
> 
> Errors and Corrections: Changed Rayne's name to Rayna to make it fit better into asari naming conventions. Yes, please let me know about any errors you see so that I can correct them. This is un-beta'ed so it probably has a few.
> 
> Revision History: 05/29/2010; 08/04/2010; 09/12/2010

**Citadel – the Asari Embassy, Councilor Tevos' Office (same night as Thane's recruitment)**

"Matriarch Orazia, if the Council has sent a Spectre to investigate Nassana Dantius or the Dantius Corporation's activities, I would certainly not be able to discuss the matter with you. Nor can I comment on why Spectre Shepard has enlisted the assistance of Justicar Samara." The Councilor kept her tone even and reasonable as she repeated the same statement for the third time with some effort. She truly had no idea why Shepard had been involved with the killing of Nassana Dantius this evening, nor did she know why a Justicar was assisting the Spectre. Councilor Tevos was perfectly aware that the Dantius Corporation's Chief Executive had known she wouldn't be able to comment on anything before initiating this communication, Orazia Dantius just wanted to see if she could determine anything from the Councilor's reactions to the Matriarch's questioning.

"Very well Councilor," Matriarch Orazia's tone was cool, "I thank you for your time."

Councilor Elana Tevos glared at the now blank screen, finally letting her aggravation with the other asari show. She wouldn't have taken the communications request, but Matriarch Orazia was too powerful to ignore without consequences, and Orazia had mentioned Spectre Shepard by name.

The Councilor shook her head; the Dantius family was both powerful and notorious. Certainly it seemed as if the rumors that the sisters had little love for one another were true, Matriarch Orazia had been in more distress over the possibility of her company being investigated than over the death of her younger sister, Nassana. Actually, Elana immediately revised that thought; Matriarch Orazia had seemed rather indifferent about Nassana Dantius' death. There certainly hadn't been any signs of grief that the Councilor had noticed. Elana frowned in distaste, doubtless, the Matriarch was already plotting how best to make use of her sister's death to increase her own power and wealth.

As for Shepard, the asari Councilor turned to her terminal and started searching for the news reports Matriarch Orazia had referred to. When the Councilors had believed they knew the events surrounding Shepard's return and her coming to them for their support, not requiring the human Spectre to make reports to them had seemed like an excellent idea. Without any obvious oversight of her actions by them, it would be easier for the Council to disavow Shepard's actions in the Terminus Systems if it proved necessary. Now though, the lack of reports from Shepard left the Councilors uncertain what the Spectre was doing and unsure as to what the reasons were behind the activities of which they were aware.

It took her less than thirty seconds, the current headline news item for nearly all the news outlets on Illium tonight was the report on a Spectre and Justicar battling against Nassana Dantius' guard force of Eclipse mercenaries at the Dantius Towers in downtown Nos Astra. The mercenaries had been ordered to clear the tower of workers and if the workers didn't move quickly enough to kill them. The news report went on to detail how Spectre Shepard and Justicar Samara had sent out small groups of severely traumatized salarian workers to emergency personnel and police forces waiting at the base of Dantius Tower Two as they rescued them from the Eclipse mercenaries. Then Justicar Samara, in accordance with the Code, had carried out her judgment upon Nassana Dantius for giving those orders, executing her. Although it had occurred several hours ago, the police were still pulling Eclipse bodies out of both towers, and had found where the mercenaries had hidden the bodies of the workers they had killed. Speculation was the mercenaries had planned to dispose of them, but had been interrupted by Spectre Shepard and Justicar Samara before that happened.

Councilor Tevos' hazel eyes widened slightly as she saw the estimated body count, nearly forty Eclipse mercenaries, and tonight was apparently not the first time Spectre Shepard had tangled with the mercenary group over the past few days. The reports were claiming that the Spectre had been responsible for the deaths of over a hundred Eclipse mercenaries over the past three days and the wiping out of their main base in Nos Astra. Elana shook her head a single time in bemusement, it sounded as if Shepard had started a small war with the Eclipse on Illium, and the mercenaries were definitely coming out on the losing end of it.

The asari let out a short annoyed breath as she thought about Councilor Metellus' response to this news; he would insist they bring Shepard in… again. And she would side with Councilors Valern and Anderson against the turian Councilor's proposal, just as she had both times before. The death of the mercenaries was not of any great concern to her, she would receive no angry communications about Shepard's actions from anyone on Illium. There might be a few minor politicians that the Eclipse bought off to look the other way, but they would not be so foolish as to draw attention to themselves by lodging a protest against the actions of the Spectre with the Council. It was well known that the Eclipse mercenary guild members were all murders and dealt in illegal weapons and drugs, making Illium a conduit for their smuggling these illegal items into not only the other asari colony worlds, but also Thessia and the Citadel.

Wry amusement warred with annoyance, fighting for dominance over the Councilor's expression…wry amusement finally won and a small smile quirked the edges of the asari's lips upward. Well, at least it seemed as if keeping track of where Spectre Shepard was, or recently had been, would be almost as simple as when the human was chasing after Saren.

Close to three years ago, the first thing the Council's first human Spectre had done was to trigger the eruption of a volcano in the process of rescuing Dr. Liara T'Soni from the geth, causing the destruction of a valuable prothean ruin on Therum and leading to several protesting communications from different archeology groups. Next the human, while fighting the geth force on Feros, had not only destroyed a geth dropship, but also an ancient sentient plant, the Thorian. That had led to the discovery that ExoGeni had been using the human colonists as unwilling experimental subjects while researching the effects of the Thorian's spores. The Council and the Alliance hadn't publicized that, but the corporation had paid a hefty fine as a result of it. Then Shepard had destroyed an entire lab complex on Noveria in the process of wiping out the rachni which had gotten loose there, killed Matriarch Benezia and her followers, released a rachni Queen, and had become involved in the arrest of the Noveria Administrator. The last had triggered multiple complaints from various corporations. Shepard's last action before Ilos and the Citadel Battle had been on Virmire, where Captain Kirrahe's STG unit and Shepard had used an improvised nuclear bomb to destroy Saren's krogan cloning facility.

In response to the complaints from Noveria, Councilor Valern had taken great pleasure in replying that if the administration there had cooperated more fully with the Spectre instead of hindering her investigation, doubtless Shepard would have continued on her mission and not become involved with assisting the Noveria Internal Affairs agent in the first place. Councilor Metellus had been outraged that Shepard had released the rachni Queen. Councilor Tevos had been concerned as well, but she had been as equally distasteful of the other choice Shepard could have made, to destroy the rachni Queen and commit genocide against the race for a second time. The asari Councilor had also been curious as to exactly why the human Spectre was so certain that the rachni Queen had been truthful with her when the Queen promised her offspring would not be a future danger to them. A curiosity that was never fully satisfied, for that report and the Virmire report following it, had been more tersely worded than the two earlier reports they had received. They had been little more than bare outlines of the events that had occurred as opposed to the detail of Shepard's previous two reports.

The only thing that had seemed like the human's prior reports had been the Spectre's recommendation that they clear Benezia's name of treason. Shepard had claimed that Matriarch Benezia had not helped Saren of her own free will; she had been indoctrinated by Sovereign and during the few minutes she had broken free of it had willingly given them the location of the Mu Relay. After Shepard's had saved their lives in the Citadel Battle, when the Spectre's claim that Sovereign could indoctrinate organics hadn't seemed so farfetched, Councilor Tevos had obtained the other Councilors agreement to posthumously clear Matriarch Benezia's name of all treason charges. That decision had not been revisited since they had decided that the ship Saren had called Sovereign had actually been a geth ship and not a Reaper. Councilor Tevos had certainly not brought it up herself, content to let the decision stand. It had been the Matriarch's information that had allowed Shepard to find the Mu Relay and Ilos after all. No matter what exactly had happened, in the end Lady Benezia had chosen to help Shepard against Saren.

As for the rachni, except for the attacks on the Alliance listening posts, which had been traced back to Cerberus' activities, there had been no aggressive actions from them in two years. In fact, there was the occasional odd report of their scout ships assisting other small courier and merchant vessels under attack from pirates. Something the Council had managed to keep quiet so far. In no cases though did the rachni vessels remain long enough for contact to be made, they withdrew and retreated. As time passed without any reports of aggression from the insectoid race, it did seem to Elana as if Shepard might be correct and these rachni were different from their ancestors.

No, the asari Councilor reflected, in the past they had not needed Shepard's reports to know where the human Spectre had been when she was after Saren. The reports had just answered the question of why Shepard had acted in a certain manner, something they were lacking now.

From the intelligence the Council had gathered on Shepard's activities, it seemed as if the Spectre was building a team to help her investigate the Collectors. They knew that Mordin Solus had joined her, and that Shepard had been on Purgatory to pick up a prisoner known only as Jack, reputed to be a very powerful and violent human biotic. Now Shepard was on Illium, if she were indeed building a team as she seemed to be, then it was reasonable to assume that she had somehow persuaded Justicar Samara to join her. If Elana was correct in her speculation…that was surprising. If it were true, she would be interested in finding out exactly how Shepard had managed to persuade the Justicar to join her.

The Councilor frowned, there was something about the reports they were getting in from the Terminus Systems that troubled her, but what was it? The asari leaned forward and tapped out a several commands on her terminal, pulling up information on Spectre Shepard's activities, both past and present. In about twenty minutes the Councilor had her answer, there were no non-intelligence provided sources such as news reports, included in the information they had received about Shepard's activities with Cerberus prior to her actions on Freedom's Progress. Something that was distinctly different from the reports they had on Shepard's actions while pursuing Saren and unlike the few reports they had on Shepard's recent activities both on Freedom's Progress and afterward.

Security footage from Freedom's Progress had confirmed Shepard's presence there and her actions to aid her former crew member Tali'Zorah vas Neema who had been on the colony with a quarian team at the same time. In addition, the tapes had revealed that the quarians had left with another quarian, who had not been with them when they arrived. Councilor Anderson had sent a request to the Migrant Fleet for more information about the quarian in question, and about Shepard's actions on Freedom's Progress. He had received a response from the Admiralty Board two weeks ago. The quarian's report confirmed that Shepard had been leading the Cerberus team in an investigation of the Collector attack. As soon as they had met up with the quarian team lead by Tali'Zorah, Shepard had agreed to work with them to find the young quarian they were seeking, Veetor, who had been on pilgrimage there. When Shepard's team had found Veetor, the Spectre had chosen to send him back to the Migrant Fleet instead of turning him over to Cerberus for questioning, a decision that had gone against the recommendation of one of the Cerberus members accompanying her.

They didn't have any direct secondary information regarding Shepard's actions on Omega, but they did know that Mordin Solus had joined her. That fact was definitive proof that she had been to the Station and strongly implied that she had assisted the salarian with curing the Collector plague as she had claimed in her report to the Council. In the case of the prison-ship, while they had no secondary verification that Shepard had been involved, they did have plenty of reports on its destruction and efforts to recapture the prisoners that had been incarcerated there. As for the attack on Horizon, in addition to Chief Williams' report, there were eye witness reports from the Horizon colonists who, while in stasis, had witnessed Shepard fighting against the Collectors. There were even two colonists to whom the Spectre had spoken, giving them her name and assuring them she was here to stop the attack on the colony.

Both when Shepard had been pursuing Saren two years ago and now after the human claimed she had woken up from a coma, they had information obtained from non-intelligence sources verifying Shepard's actions. The only reports that didn't have any second hand information were the ones that Shepard disputed, and claimed that Cerberus had fabricated.

Yet both were supposedly equally as accurate and truthful, at least according to their intelligence network. Councilor Tevos' thoughts however, kept reminding her that many of those systems had been either damaged or completely destroyed in the Geth attack on the Citadel and had been rebuilt in large part by human contractors. That had been in an effort to include the newest Council race in the rebuilding of the Citadel. In retrospect however, it may have been an unwise decision, especially if it had given Cerberus an opportunity to compromise the Council's intelligence gathering network. Councilor Tevos tapped her finger on the armrest of her chair, she knew that Councilor Valern had the same suspicions and had already started using alternate methods to pass sensitive intelligence data to the salarian STG.

Through her former crew member, Chief Ashley Williams, Shepard claimed that Cerberus' influence and power within the Alliance and Alliance defense industry extended farther than the Council had previously realized, and that the human terrorist group was deliberately feeding misinformation to both the Council and Alliance to manipulate their responses to both her and the Collector attacks on the colonies. When Chief Williams had initially relayed this to the Council during her debriefing, Councilor Tevos had thought it highly unlikely, yet the more intelligence they gathered the more the evidence seemed to support Shepard's claims. The possibility that Cerberus had compromised their intelligence gathering network to such an extent that they could successfully fabricate reports was extremely troubling and a matter of grave concern to her.

The Council depended on accurate intelligence; if Cerberus was able to manipulate it to suit their agenda… Councilor Tevos frowned, with every piece of evidence that suggested the human Spectre was correct, the Council's need to either confirm or deny Shepard's claims that Cerberus had successfully compromised the Council's intelligence network grew more critical. Yet how to find the evidence they needed without exposing Shepard's own investigation into Cerberus and why they were interested in the Collectors, as well as determining who was controlling the Collectors?

Spectre Tela Vasir was headed to Illium in the next few days to investigate the break-ins at the Citadel Council's Ministry of Finance. Councilor Tevos had known the asari Spectre for several centuries now; Tela was capable of subtly keeping an eye and ear out for information on Shepard while she was there. The Councilor's gaze fell on the still sizable stack of data pads awaiting her reading and acknowledgement, the galaxy was in the midst of a widespread economic downturn, with critical economic indexes showing that they were headed into recession unless strong measures were taken to prevent it.

As important as the possibility was that Cerberus had compromised them and as important as it was that they gather more information on Shepard's activities, those were only a two of the many issues she needed to give her attention to before her day was done. Councilor Tevos quickly sent out a request for Spectre Vasir to meet with her at her earliest convenience tomorrow morning. She didn't mention about what, knowing that the asari Spectre would assume that it was about her upcoming mission, and so would anyone else reading it. Then the Councilor picked up the first data pad in the stack, a report on the current index of consumer expectations, a critical leading indicator of the galactic economy and began reading through it, a frown etching itself into her expression.

****************

Early the next morning the Councilor's work was interrupted by one of her aides stepping into her office. Elana glanced up from what she was doing to gaze inquiringly at the matron. "Spectre Vasir is here to see you Councilor. She said that you had requested her presence?" the other asari questioned uncertainly. She had Elana's calendar and knew that there was no such appointment scheduled.

As she set the report she had been reading upon her desk, the asari Councilor responded to her aide, "I did, send her in please." The matron nodded and departed as quietly as she had entered. A few moments later a blue complexioned asari with reddish-purple facial designs and wearing blue and silver combat armor with the Spectre symbol embossed on one shouldpad walked through the doorway.

"Councilor Tevos," the Spectre respectfully greeted her, "I hope this isn't too early."

"No," Elana responded as she gracefully gestured with one hand for the other asari to take a seat. "Spectre Shepard is currently on Ilium," she began, getting right to the point of why she had asked for the Spectre to meet with her. "I received a communication yesterday night from Matriarch Dantius regarding Shepard's activities there. It seems that she has persuaded a Justicar to join her." That drew a briefly startled look from the Spectre before Tela controlled her expression. Councilor Tevos permitted herself a small smile, "Indeed, I am curious as to how Shepard managed that as well. They killed Nassana Dantius last night in Nos Astra after getting into a battle with her Eclipse mercenary guard force. Their actions drew a significant amount of media attention." The Councilor picked up a data pad from her desk and passed it over to the Spectre, on it were a few of the news reports she had found last night.

Tela accepted it and immediately began scanning though the information. The Councilor gave her a full minute to glance though the first news report before continuing, "I'd like for you to discretely search for information on her activities there." The Spectre glanced back up at her, her dark eyed gaze curious. "Investigating the data theft from the Ministry of Finance is your primary investigation," Elana said, "but as you have time I'd like for you to also find out as much about Shepard's actions on Illium as possible."

"I've heard rumors that Shepard wasn't dead," Tela's voice was carefully neutral.

Councilor Tevos lips quirked upward in amusement. "And working with Cerberus," she filled in what the Spectre carefully hadn't said. In truth, she would have been disappointed if Tela hadn't known something about Shepard's reappearance. "Both are true." Spectre Vasir's brown eyes narrowed at that, but she didn't say anything. Instead she waited patiently for the Councilor to continue. "Shepard is investigating the human colony disappearances in the Terminus Systems," Elana explained to the asari Spectre, "Cerberus is providing her support and is apparently the reason she's still alive. She came to the Citadel and asked the Council for support in her investigation several weeks ago." So far, the asari Councilor didn't think that anything she had said was a surprise to Spectre Vasir. "We reinstated her Spectre status so that she could work with Cerberus without being prosecuted for her dealings with them and gave her authorization to continue her investigations as long as she was discrete in her actions and restricted her operations to the Terminus Systems."

Tela's brown eyes flitted down to the data pad in her hand, "And now that she's been indiscreet?"

Elana could hear the slight amusement in the other asari's tone. "Nothing, her investigations are too important for us to interfere with them at this point."

That got the Spectre's attention, her gaze fixed inquiringly upon the Councilor, "Investigations?"

Elana rose, the rest of what she needed to tell the Spectre should be said in more secure surroundings. "Follow me please," she headed toward the door that lead deeper into the asari diplomatic complex and a room that was secured from all known surveillance techniques. She could almost feel Spectre Vasir's gaze sharpen on her back as the other asari realized where they were going and what it implied about their upcoming discussion that they were moving to a more secure location than the Councilor's own office which was considered secure enough for most briefings. As they walked along the hallway Councilor inquired, "Are you aware of the fact that human public opinion supporting the Alliance joining the Council has been slowly eroding over the past two years?"

When Tela nodded in response, the asari Councilor continued, "Despite the fact that these missing colonies are clearly not in either Citadel or Alliance space, our refusal to protect them has giving human political groups such as Terra Firma more ammunition with which to attack the Alliance and their joining of the Citadel Council. Coupled with our refusal two years ago to send in a fleet to stop the geth attacks on human colonies in the Skyllian Verge, the separatists are proving troublingly successful in swaying human public opinion their way." Her lips thinned in annoyance, all Terra Firma had to do was to keep pointing out that human lives had been sacrificed at the Citadel to save an alien Council which consistently refused to help humanity in return and they kept gaining support. It was difficult for the Alliance to refute something that was, if one ignored all other political realities, true.

They arrived at their destination, a sealed door. The asari Councilor input her code into the control pad by the door, then placed her palm over the sensor and waited for it to verify her biometric data. When the door slid open she motioned for the Spectre to enter ahead of her. They stepped into a deceptively simple appearing room. A table with comfortable looking chairs around it was provided for the reading of highly classified data. Inset into one wall was a data terminal that connected directly to the embassies classified data system and nothing else.

Councilor Tevos walked over to the data terminal and began typing in commands. "At the time Shepard came before us, we believed she had been working with Cerberus for several months investigating the attacks on human colonies in the Terminus Systems and that they had managed to persuade her that the Reapers were involved to gain her cooperation," she continued speaking as she pulled up the information she wanted Spectre Vasir to review. That done she turned to face the other asari who was listening intently to her, "Since Shepard had shown that she was willing to work with Cerberus, and as in the past she has proven to be exceptionally stubborn once set on a particular course of action, we decided to let her continue her investigations in the hope that she would discover what was behind these disappearances and put a stop to them, thus giving the human separatists one less argument to use against the Council."

That exceptional stubbornness had been what that had driven Shepard to complete her mission to stop Saren despite Ambassador Udina and Councilor Metellus' attempts to ground her and prevent her from leaving the Citadel in further pursuit of Saren, and had been the only thing to thwart the rogue Spectre's plan to take over the Citadel, destroy the entire Citadel Fleet, and the Council. Despite her obsession that the Reapers actually existed, Shepard was a promising young Spectre and she had saved their lives as well as the lives of all the crew aboard the Destiny Ascension. Councilor Tevos believed the Council could afford to let Shepard have her way in this and hoped that the human would both survive it and become wiser for the experience. The Councilor's hope was that Shepard would come to the conclusion that she had been deceived about the existence of the Reapers on her own and quickly end her association with Cerberus. She and Councilor Valern had worked together to persuade Councilor Metellus to agree to let Shepard continue working with Cerberus to investigate the colony disappearances instead of arresting her as soon as she showed up in Citadel space, which had been the turian Councilor's original and strongly desired preference.

"This is our embassies record of the meeting between Spectre Shepard and the Council approximately three months ago," Councilor Tevos explained as the data screen began displaying a holographic image of Councilor Anderson's office. "This meeting would be more productive if Udina was to join us." That was her voice, Elana's lips tightened, then she hadn't known that Councilor Anderson wasn't certain of his advisor's loyalties when it came to the Alliance and Cerberus. As an individual she liked the human Councilor, he was honest, forthright and staunchly moral in his actions, unfortunately it was those same characteristics which sometimes made him difficult to deal with in the diplomatic arena.

She glanced over at Spectre Vasir, it appeared as though the other asari was giving her full attention to the recording though she had no doubt the Spectre was fully aware that she was currently being observed. On the screen Councilor Valern was speaking to Shepard, "We've heard many rumors surrounding your unexpected return. Some of them are… unsettling."

She looked back up at the display, what they were watching was all part of an agreed upon performance between Metellus, Valern and she. Unfortunately, as soon as Shepard mentioned her belief that the Collectors were involved with the Reapers everything had started going downhill as Councilor Metellus couldn't resist the opportunity to ridicule Shepard for her continued belief in their existence. Two years ago, Shepard had, except for a few exceptions, maintained a professional demeanor in the face of his needling. Not so on this day, the intense dislike and the brief curling of Shepard's lips in an expression of disgust in response to the turian Councilor's mocking words were easy to discern, even with the fact that Shepard had been wearing a helmet. Watching once again, now she also noted the shift in the human's stance and the brief curling of her hands into fists before they relaxed and opened. Anderson had quickly acted to calm her down, explaining why the other Councilor's didn't believe that Sovereign had been anything but a geth creation. Shepard had still argued with them; bring up the VI on Ilos and the fact that the geth would not have followed Saren if they hadn't believed that the rogue Spectre was an agent of the Reapers.

"Saren was a compelling and charismatic individual. He convinced the geth that the Reapers were real… just as he convinced you." In a distinct contrast to her turian counterpart, her own words to Shepard had only provoked narrow eyed irritation from the human.

"It was part of his plan to attack the Citadel. The Reapers are just a myth. One you insist on perpetuating." Once again Councilor Metellus had unnecessarily provoked her with his choice of words and derisive tone.

Elana had tried to soften the message in the hope that Shepard would listen instead of simply getting angrier with them, "We believe that you believe it, but that doesn't make it true."

Once again Shepard had brought up the VI on Ilos and that Sovereign had been a very advanced warship, stubbornly determined that she was correct. The human had at least listened in apparent calm to Councilor Valern's and then Elana's own counter explanations, the VI on Ilos was no longer functional and nothing suggested that the geth could not have created Saren's dreadnought.

Then Metellus had spoken again, "This Reaper theory proves how fragile your mental state is. You have been manipulated – by Cerberus and before them by Saren."

Shepard's jaw clenched as a scowl of anger formed, and then it was gone replaced disconcertingly by bitter resignation. "Of course he was right," the softly said words were hard to hear, they hadn't really been said to them. Shepard's gaze focused on them, "I kept Saren from conquering the Citadel. I sacrificed human lives to save this Council."

At the time Councilor Tevos had only seen a blatant attempt to manipulate the Council. They knew what Shepard had done for them, but that did not mean they would overlook the fact that she had not reported to them before now nor did it mean they would overlook who she was working with. "We are in a difficult position, Shepard. You are working for Cerberus – an avowed enemy of the Council. This is treason, a capital offense."

At the time, the flinch and brief look of hurt and betrayal in reaction to her words from the human had not made sense. Now though, if Shepard's claims made though Chief Williams were true and the human had only been on her feet for a week and had only accompanied the two Cerberus operatives with her to Freedom's Progress, her reaction made more sense. Why would she expect that cooperating with Cerberus that one time would result in an accusation of treason from the very people she had saved? As for what else Shepard had said, Elana suspected that the Illusive Man had told her that the Council would be unwilling to help her or do anything about the Collector abductions.

At least Councilor Anderson had immediately responded in defense of Shepard, and things had actually proceeded according to their plan, allowing them to make their offer to reinstate Shepard's Spectre status with certain restrictions. By then though Shepard's emotions had been running so high that Councilor Tevos hadn't even been certain for a few moments that Shepard was going to accept their offer to reinstate her Spectre status the human had been so clearly upset with all of them. In the end Shepard had controlled her temper and accepted their offer, but her flat tone had made it clear that she too clearly understood her reinstatement was just a gesture and no true offer of support.

The recording finished and the screen went blank. Elana glanced over at the asari standing beside her; she could tell that Spectre Vasir was disturbed. Tela turned toward her, "Were the turian Councilor's interactions during this meeting typical of his interactions with Shepard two years ago?"

Not the question she had been expecting, but then Councilor Metellus had never been anything but courteous toward the asari Spectre. Seeing him act in such a manner had to be disconcerting. "Unfortunately yes, I don't think Shepard made any decision that he didn't find reason to disagree with her actions."

Spectre Vasir was quiet for a moment, then she inquired, "And your opinion of her actions?"

Elana stared at the blue complexioned asari, considering the question… or rather the implications of answering it. Finally she responded, "Spectre Shepard always completed her missions satisfactorily. She consistently managed unusually low civilian casualty rates considering she was almost always operating under battlefield conditions. Property damage however was sometimes another matter," she added thinking of the prothean ruins at Therum. She sighed, thinking of the rachni, "My only concern with some of her decisions was that they were overly idealistic." She knew that Tela was staring at her curiously, but she offered no further explanation of her words. She didn't want to divulge any information about the rachni to anyone who was not already aware of the events surrounding their reappearance without a very good reason.

Instead she stepped up to the data console once again, "Five weeks ago the human colony of Horizon was attacked. Shepard's former crew member, Chief Ashley Williams, was there assisting the colonists with the installation of a GARDIAN defense system at the time of the attack. The attackers were Collectors." She pulled up the data files that Shepard had sent them by way of Chief Williams, brought up the information on the Collector constructs called seekers and displayed it. "The Collectors use swarms of these constructs to inject nanites into their victims creating a stasis like paralytic effect. This is why none of the colony sites have shown any signs of an attack. The humans were surprised and rendered helpless by these swarms before they were able to organize any defense."

She looked over at Tela, the Spectre was reading though the extensive data Mordin Solus had compiled about the seekers with narrowed eyes and a grim set to her expression. Tela glanced over at her, "If I understand this correctly, with minor modifications these could be used against any race. They're not specific to humans."

"You are correct," the same team that had examined the Collector bodies had gone over this data as well and confirmed Dr. Solus' conclusions. "Spectre Shepard went to Omega Station after leaving the Citadel and recruited a retired STG researcher, Dr. Mordin Solus, to join her crew. He put together this data and from it designed an armor modification that defeats the seeker's detection systems, rendering the wearer invisible to low concentrations of them." She pulled up the proper data and displayed it. "Using this armor modification Shepard and her crew were able to land on Horizon and after repairing the targeting sensors were able to utilize the GARDIAN turrets to drive away the Collector ship before the Collectors abducted the entire colony."

"Their keeping them alive," the asari Spectre said, it was a statement not a question. "How many humans did they take from Horizon before Shepard stopped them?"

"One third of the colony, just over two hundred thousand humans," Councilor Tevos responded, "at last report Freedom's Progress had approximately nine hundred thousand human colonists."

Disquiet ghosted over the asari Spectre's face, "Do we have any intelligence on what the Collectors are doing with them?"

"Only speculation," Elana responded. She turned back to the terminal and scrolled though the various files until she found the ones she was seeking. She then set them up to show sequentially, beginning with Chief William's debriefing. "Shepard was aware of Chief Williams' presence on Horizon, when she encountered her former crew member she used the opportunity to transfer this data to us and send in a report." She started the recording playing, and then stepped back to view it alongside Tela as she had before with the previous recording.

Through Chief Williams, Shepard had made many claims, most of which had sounded highly unlikely when the Councilor had first heard them. She glanced over at Spectre Vasir; unsurprisingly the other asari did not look very convinced by what she was hearing. Neither had she been at the time, but the fact that the Alliance marine had secretly smuggled back both Collector and husk corpses had been alarming. Were the geth working with the Collectors now or had the geth perhaps originally traded for the technology to make husks from the Collectors? What were the Collectors doing with so many live humans? Previously the information on them indicated that they only traded for at most a few dozen specimens at a time. How exactly did the bioengineered plague they had spread on Omega fit into the Collector's plans?

A quiet sound of surprise from Tela drew the asari Councilor's attention back to the recording playing on the display screen. Ah yes, Chief Williams' scan of Shepard's facial reconstruction. That had been unexpected and had given credence to the human's assertion that she had been clinically dead and that Cerberus had spent quite a lot of time and credits bringing her back to full health. Only very severe facial injuries would warrant the replacement of nearly all the facial and cranial tissues as well as cranial bone repair and reinforcement. In fact it appeared that the human Spectre was lucky she was still alive if her head injuries had been that extensive. Elana didn't believe the pro-human terrorist group had spent four billion credits, nor two years repairing Shepard's body, but she could believe they had told Shepard that to make the human feel indebted to them.

On the display, Shepard's cranial scan was replaced with the information from Spectre Shepard's own omni-tool, the recording of her battle with one of the controlled Collector's. As the recording began playing and as the two asari listened to Shepard's conversation with the Collector, Councilor Tevos wondered once again how whoever was controlling the Collector had known of Shepard's conviction that the Reapers were real and why they were trying to make Shepard believe that a Reaper was controlling the Collectors. Was Councilor Valern right and this was all a carefully designed plan of Cerberus'?

The salarian Councilor believed that Cerberus was actually helping the Collectors, or rather whoever was actually controlling the mysterious race, abduct human colonists in exchange for advanced technology. When the salarian Councilor had first shared his theory with her right after the scientist's revelation that the Collectors had once been Protheans, it had seemed a bit extreme to Elana. After Valern shared what the salarian STG had learned about the pro-human terrorist group's activities however, his theory no longer seemed so unlikely, especially not if what Cerberus stood to gain from the transaction was great enough.

Years ago the salarians had come across a survivor of one of Cerberus' cruel experiments, a very traumatized young male human who had been subjected to horrific experiments as a child in some type of effort to strengthen human biotic abilities. In exchange for his information, the salarians had provided psychological aid and a new identity so he would be safe from the terrorist group. Anyone that was capable of ordering or of leading people who would experiment upon children, who would torture and callously murder the youngest, the most innocent and defenseless of their race, children who should have been able to depend on the adult humans around them to protect them instead of abusing and brutalizing them, was surely capable of any monstrous action. This Illusive Man, Cerberus' leader, believed that the ends justified the means… any means. The pro-human terrorist group seemingly had no lines they would not cross in their desire to ensure human dominance of the galaxy and the subjugation or outright extinction of every other race.

"Whatever happened to her, she seems to be fully healed now judging from her performance during that fight," Tela commented once the recording was over. "That Collector recognized her," she added, looking over at the Councilor.

Elana lifted her head, looked over at the other asari, "Yes," she acknowledged, and then shared the salarian Councilors theory that Cerberus was working with the Collectors exchanging human colonists for technology with the asari Spectre. After a few moments thought she also shared the intelligence data on Cerberus that Councilor Valern had shared with her, the existence of the Cerberus research facility where the terrorist group had experimented on human biotic children.

In a rare display of obvious emotion, Tela's expression betrayed her horror and revulsion at what she was hearing. It took the asari Spectre a few moments to smooth over her expression and even then the set of her jaw was grim and her eyes hard. She didn't comment on what she had been told however, instead she remarked, "Shepard's concern of being implanted with a control chip if Cerberus figures out she's not as compliant with their plans as they think she is, doesn't seem as paranoid as it did a few minutes ago." After a second's pause she added skeptically, "That is if they actually have the technology to do it."

The blue hued asari leveled an inquisitive look the Councilor's way as Elana grimaced at the Spectre's words. "Unfortunately they might," the asari Councilor revealed and Tela's brown eyes widened briefly in dismayed surprise.

Councilor Tevos turned back to the data terminal and selected the last piece of classified information she wanted to share with Tela, the findings of the research group regarding the Collector and husk corpses Chief Williams had brought back with her. When it showed up on the display screen she stepped back and motioned for Spectre Vasir to take her place. The research team's findings had been an unpleasant and completely unexpected surprise, and had raised the nagging question in Elana's mind of whether or not Shepard might be right after all and the Reapers, or at least the race that had destroyed the Protheans, actually still existed.

That had been the second, and unspoken, reason for her supporting letting Shepard continue her association with Cerberus and her investigation into whoever was attacking the human colonies in the Terminus Systems. The long view demanded that, in order to safeguard and protect the interests of the asari, Elana consider all possible future contingencies. That included the one where the human was right and the Reapers were out there trying to find a way into the galaxy from dark space so that they could exterminate all advanced sentient life. If they did exist, then Shepard was the most likely to find evidence of that existence and bring it before the Council. Elana suspected similar reasoning was behind Councilor Valern's initial support of Shepard being allowed to continue her investigation into the colony attacks.

Spectre Vasir was staring at the data, an obvious frown creasing her brow and turning down the edges of her dark lips. Finally Tela looked up from the display screen, "If the Collectors were once Protheans and were genetically engineered fifty thousand years ago to serve as the servants of…something after the rest of their race was wiped out, then is there a possibility that Shepard could be right?" Her tone was dubious, as if she didn't actually believe that, but as if the question needed to be brought up and evaluated for its merits.

"Is there a possibility that the Reapers might be real you mean?" Councilor Tevos responded. It wasn't really surprising that both of their thoughts would travel this way after learning about this information. "Anything or anyone could be controlling the Collectors," Elana responded easily, she had resolved this question in her own mind weeks ago. "There is no reason to assume that their controllers are Reapers instead of some other unknown entity or even unknown race." The asari Councilor hesitated for a moment and then added, "If the Council were to receive factual and compelling evidence that the Reapers were real, something other than Shepard's personal belief in their existence, then I would reconsider my decision about their existence."

Councilor Tevos made a slight motion with her head and one hand, the equivalent of an asari shrug, "Perhaps a machine race did wipe out the Protheans and is the reason for their extinction fifty thousand years ago," she allowed, "Shepard's visions from the beacon would indicate such, but we have seen no evidence of this machine race's existence since that time nor have we seen any solid evidence supporting her belief that they are involved in a cycle of galactic extinction." Elana shook her head, "Surely if either were true there would be some evidence to support Shepard's assertion that these Reapers exist and have done what she claims. We have found none." She met Spectre Vasir's brown eyed gaze, "I do not believe that the Reapers are anything other than a myth Saren used to persuade the geth to join him. It is unfortunate that between whatever messages she had imprinted into her mind by the prothean beacons she interacted with and Saren's own lies that Shepard believes in their existence. Let us not join her in her delusions without any more evidence than this."

Tela considered her words for a moment and then nodded, satisfied with her reasoning, "So Spectre Shepard is investigating not only the colony disappearances and Cerberus's interest in the Collectors, but searching for proof that the entity controlling the Collectors are these Reapers."

Elana smiled briefly, "Succinct and correct," she replied approvingly.

The Spectre inclined her head in response, "And my investigation?"

"Her actions, the identities of the team she is building, and evidence of her mental and emotional state," the asari Councilor replied.

The last drew Tela's immediate attention, "For someone who is willingly working with them, she does not seem to have a positive opinion of Cerberus," the Spectre commented almost expressionlessly.

Elana shook her head, "She does not. Shepard tracked down and eliminated several of their cells while pursuing Saren. She knows something about how they operate, though not the full extent of their actions."

Tela considered that for a long silent moment. Then her expression turning frowningly thoughtful, she observed, "So if she's telling the truth, she's been in a coma for the past two years. She wakes up to find herself in the hands of a group she regards as an enemy and then they are the only ones who will help her do what she feels is her duty: stop these abductions, stop the Collectors, and she believes stop the Reapers from whatever their plans are to attack us."

Elana's lips thinned, that was certainly going directly to the heart of the matter. "So the evidence indicates," she agreed, "and thus the concern about her mental state. Councilor Anderson spoke with Chief Williams after her debriefing with us. He was able to get information from her about the way Shepard acted during their meeting on Horizon. Shepard raised her voice and was easily angered when questioned by Chief Williams about her association with Cerberus; she also refused to look at the results of Chief William's scan of her. Describing the information as something she did not wish to see and felt she was unable to handle at that time. All signs of extreme stress and psychological trauma in humans."

After a moment Spectre Vasir noted, "She was easily provoked and angered during her meeting with the Council as well."

Councilor Tevos nodded. After learning about Shepard's behavior on Horizon she had considered that as well and wondered if they were truly doing Shepard any favors by not taking her into custody and ensuring that the human received psychological counseling. Hopefully Tela's investigation would find some indication of whether Shepard's current mental state should be a matter of concern or not.

Still looking thoughtful, Spectre Vasir said, "May I review Spectre Shepard's mission reports before leaving for Illium?"

Elana nodded, "Of course," she turned and headed for the door, those were not as heavily classified. Spectre Vasir could view them in her office.

Councilor Valern had assigned an STG team to investigate the colony disappearances. He had even made the announcement publicly in an effort to reassure the Alliance that the Council was doing something about the missing human colonies even if they weren't in Alliance space. Now, if the Council needed to acknowledge the fact that the Collectors were behind the disappearances they could point to the STG team and avoid mentioning Shepard's involvement in the discovery. None of them, except perhaps for Anderson, wanted to give Shepard any political standing for her to use to publicly advance her belief that the Reapers actually existed, and were using the Collectors to attack human colonies. The last thing they needed in the current economic climate was Shepard instigating a public panic. She didn't doubt that both Anderson and Metellus were quietly investigating the information they had received as well. She intended for Spectre Vasir to be her main source of trusted intelligence.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The Mass Effect universe is the property of Bioware/Electronic Arts. No infringement of these copyrights is intended as this is a not for profit fan fiction work.
> 
> Warning: mild angst
> 
> Notes: This is inspired by the Beyonce song "Save the Hero," from the album I am…Sasha Fierce. This is an Alternate Universe story. Also the portrayal of Cerberus in my story is heavily influenced by the contents of the second and third Mass Effect books, Ascension and Retribution. The Cerberus attack on the Idenna is detailed in the book, Mass Affect: Ascention.
> 
> Rating: Teen
> 
> Feedback: Always welcome, feedback is what encourages me to keep writing. Please let me know what you like and what you dislike about the story.
> 
> Errors and Corrections: Yes, please let me know about any errors you see so that I can correct them. This is un-beta'ed so it probably has a few.
> 
> Revision History: 06/09/2010; 06/25/2010

**Normandy – Deck 5 Workout Area**

Shepard stepped out of the elevator and headed toward the stairwell going down to the hanger bay where the interior left corner was set up with exercise equipment. It was actually rather ingenious what the Cerberus engineers had done to create a multi-use space. The exercise machines in the back corner of the bay all folded up neatly into the bulkhead walls in case more cargo space was needed and the metal flooring was covered with a durable foam mat that could be folded up and stored out of the way. Three were multi-exercise, resistance based, fitness gyms, two were treadmills, and the last was a stomach/back exercise machine for doing sit-ups and back lifts.

She wondered if she would find Samara there as she had yesterday morning. The justicar had lost no time familiarizing herself with the ship, and it had been a welcome surprise to find the asari already working out the previous morning. She knew that Samara was up, when she had went to the mess hall for a light snack and energy drink Rupert had informed her that the asari had asked for the same thing about fifteen minutes ago and then departed as soon as she had finished them. From the sound of it Samara ate like Shepard, preferring to have several smaller meals over the day rather than three larger meals. Creating mass effect fields used more than just biotic energy, and biotics had a substantially higher daily caloric requirement than non-biotics.

As she stepped into the hanger bay, Shepard heard the sound of a weight machine being used. "Good morning," she greeted Samara as soon as she came around a stack of crates and caught sight of the asari, who was wearing black leggings and a dark blue tank top and was currently doing lateral pulldown exercises at one of the machines. As the previous morning, the asari was not wearing the metallic symbols denoting that she was a justicar. Shepard had asked about them yesterday as they worked out together. Samara had confirmed that the symbols were a visible mark that she was a justicar, and that yes, they also symbolized the justicar's ancient roots as an order dedicated to the service of the asari Goddess, Athame. Samara had been surprised that Shepard had been able to make that connection until the Spectre mentioned that she had noticed their similarity to the headdress Matriarch Benezia had worn during their confrontation, and that she had known Lady Benezia was a priestess of Athame.

The justicar glanced over at her, the asari's pale blue eyes examining her closely for a second before Samara returned the greeting, "Good morning Shepard. You did not have a restful sleep?"

Shepard guessed that was the justicar's way of saying she looked tired this morning, no great surprise considering her restless sleep. "Late night and some pretty strange dreams," she paused, and then admitted, "at least I think they were strange. I can't say I really remember much of them morning. You'd think with those drell neurochemicals floating around in my brain I would, but dreams don't seem to work that way. I do feel as though I made some progress with my meditation assignment, however," she said on a more upbeat note, "enough to make me feel like maybe I'm getting somewhere with it."

Samara motioned for her to come closer with an elegant wave of her hand. Considering that the asari was currently dressed in workout clothing and sitting astraddle an exercise bench, Shepard found it rather interesting that the justicar managed to still be so regal. Shepard obediently closed the distance between them, moving from the edge of the mat to take a seat on the exercise machine bench next to Samara. "You are correct your aura has shifted back towards what it was before we found the prothean memory," the asari confirmed after a moment.

"But it's not all the way back," Shepard sighed, finishing what had been left unsaid.

Samara gave her a slightly reproving look, "No, but it is an encouraging sign given that you have only spent one evening in meditation." The justicar's gaze narrowed on her for a long moment, "Shepard, you will do yourself or us no good if you exhaust yourself attempting to accomplish this in only a few days," her tone was stern.

Shepard straightened in a sharp move and then clenched her jaw on her instinctive reply. Stopping herself from retorting that Samara was not the one in command here and shouldn't be trying to tell her what was important and worth her time and what wasn't. She could see that Samara noticed her reaction, not surprising given the obviousness of it. The asari simply regarded her calmly, apparently quite willing to patiently wait until she decided how she was going to respond. Damn if this wasn't an example of what a few centuries of experience could do for your equanimity, thought Shepard ruefully. If she hadn't been so tired….but then that proved the justicar's point didn't it? With her dreams and memories still waking her at least two to three times a week, which was thankfully much less than they had in the beginning, she had gotten used to operating on a less than an optimal amount of sleep. While that was fine for a short period of time, it wasn't the best habit for a commander to get into, especially not with a mission this critical.

As for the nature of the relationship between Samara and her, so much had happened between them in the two days since the justicar had agreed to join her mission that it was already more than just one of commander and subordinate. In fact, in many ways it felt quite the opposite. The justicar was the experienced one helping her find the prothean memories locked away within her mind, and teaching her how to meditate so that she didn't lose her identity to them.

From the very beginning, the balance of power between them had been more one of two equals than anything else. Shepard didn't feel as if she could suddenly throw on her command mask and tell Samara she was out of line for daring to point out that Shepard was tired, and honestly she didn't want to. It felt good to have someone else besides Dr. Chakwas who could remind her of these things without actually challenging her authority. Samara didn't need Shepard to be her commander, not like Garrus and Tali needed it. She could occasionally be weak around them, but overall Garrus and Tali needed her to be the strong and confident commander for them. Even Dr. Chakwas needed it, what was it the doctor had called her? Their immovable center, that didn't leave her a lot of freedom to show more than a certain amount of weakness and doubt before it started impacting on the doctor's confidence in her leadership.

Really, out of everyone on the ship only Samara and perhaps Mordin didn't need her to be their commander in order to follow her. Samara would follow because she believed the Reapers existed and like Shepard knew they had to be stopped. Mordin would follow because he was doing something necessary, and because he had interesting scientific puzzles to solve and a well equipped lab to solve them in. With Garrus, Tali, Dr. Chakwas, and Joker she was both friend and commander, all four of them looked to her for leadership and support and in return she had their loyalty and support. Miranda, Jacob, the two former Alliance engineers Ken and Gabby, and the colonial Cerberus crewmembers required her to consistently be the commander with them, their loyalties were divided and she had to prove to them that her way was better than the Illusive Man's. Grunt both looked to her for guidance and watched her to judge how strong she was as his leader. Jack and Zaeed required her to be the commander in order for them to follow her. Zaeed would give her grief and began disobeying her if she faltered, and Jack would probably just jump ship and disappear. As for Thane, she didn't know him well enough yet to even guess what he needed of her if anything.

No, Samara didn't need her to be the commander, and that was so very valuable when so many seemed to need so much from her that she barely had enough hours in the day to do what she needed to do for them and herself, as well as devote enough time to prepare to take on the Collectors and figure out how to counter the Illusive Man.

Shepard realized she was absentmindedly studying the traction marks embossed into the top of the dark grey foam flooring, sometime during her moment of introspective reflection her gaze had dropped to the floor. Shepard raised her head, her light grey eyes meeting Samara's pale blue ones, "You're right, thank you," she said quietly. There was a flicker of surprise there; apparently the asari had expected her react negatively even after thinking her response over.

"Shepard, I would not have spoken if it was not important," Samara explained, matching the human's quiet tone. "If you are tired, your meditations will not be as beneficial to you as they would be otherwise. And I would not have mentioned it if there were other crew-members with us."

Shepard nodded, "I appreciate your concern and honesty as well as your discretion."

Samara inclined her head in an elegant movement, and then after a moment when the human didn't say anything else reached up for the bar above her head and began her exercises once again. Shepard watched her for a few seconds and then turned her attention to her omni-tool, activating it. True to her word Miranda had sent her the exercise program the Cerberus operative had developed last night. Shepard wanted to try it out this morning, see what she could learn about the limits of her new body.

Shepard hadn't only explored her own memories last night; she had also explored Eriathwen's memories of her coming to acceptance of her cybernetic hand. The prothean had been right in assuming she would adapt quickly. A few months more and Eriathwen was barely thinking about it any longer. The prothean woman had developed her new body image, one which included her cybernetic hand. Shepard suspected that if she weren't continually reminded of how different both her body and her mind were now, as opposed to the way she had been before her death, that she would be closer to accepting her new body as well. Still, it seemed reasonable to assume that eventually she would get used to the new her and everything would stop feeling strange. Instead it would simply be her new normal… her new body image. Shepard hoped that if she could define exactly what her new normal was, if she knew what the limits were of her new body, it might make getting to that point easier for her. Even if it didn't, then at least if she knew what those limit's were her new physical abilities wouldn't keep surprising her.

She interfaced her omni-tool with the exercise machine's onboard programming and input the parameters of the exercise program. Shepard hadn't ever been into bodybuilding, strength training yes, but what marine wasn't, hardsuits took a lot of strength to move around in easily. She sat down on the bench and looked at the display, arm curls. She punched the controls and then waited as the exercise machine changed its configuration to the desired exercise. Before she had died, she had regularly curled 11.5 kilograms in three repetitions of ten. That wasn't where she was starting out now though she noticed as soon as the machine stopped moving and the display flashed ready and the weight set at 13.5 kilograms. She stared at it for a moment and then nodded once, given what she had noticed about her body that did seem like a good place to start even if seeing the number was a bit of a surprise.

Shepard scooted all the way back on the bench, settled the back of her upper arms against the padding there and then reached down and wrapped her hands around the weight grips. The placement of the padding and grips were set up correctly for her specific arm length, Shepard noticed. It was a nice touch, and a sign of the attention to detail Miranda had put into the exercise program. She began doing bicep curls, raising the weights until they were almost a hands length from her shoulders and then slowly lowering them. The weight felt light, like she was actually doing 7 or 8 kilograms and not the 13.5 kg that she knew she was doing. After three repetitions the display flashed pause at her, she stopped and the weights incremented up a kilogram to 14.5 kg. Alright, that was a jump, but given how light the weights had seemed it was probably reasonable. She easily lifted the weights again, she could feel the increased weight but it was nothing she couldn't readily lift. Shepard continued lifting and every three reps, the weight machine would request for her to pause and increase the weight. At 19.5 kilograms the weight felt about right, it was an effort to lift, but not impossible if she concentrated on her form, technique and breathing. That was a full eight kilograms more than she had regularly lifted before her death, and it clearly wasn't the heaviest she could lift. She had been avoiding asking exactly what had been done to her body, but now her curiosity had been stirred. She was going to have to find out from either Miranda or Dr. Chakwas how she could lift so much weight and not feel any strain in her muscles or joints.

"Shepard," Garrus' voice over her omni-tool broke her concentration on her lifting, "that upgrade you put in a request about two days ago, it's come in early. I think you might want to come to the Main Trading Floor and take a look at it."

Shepard frowned; she hadn't put in a request for… her light grey eyes widened, she straightened abruptly and released the weight grips letting them return to their starting position, Rayna. She hadn't expected that the asari could be back with an answer this soon, but that was the only possibility that fit with what Garrus was saying. She glanced over at Samara; the justicar was staring at her with a questioning expression. She slapped the controls, turning off the exercise machine which then began to quietly re-position itself into its default configuration. She tapped her omni-tool, replying to the communication, "That's good news," she looked back over at the justicar, "Samara and I were working out, but we can finish up later. Give us twenty minutes and we'll be there."

The asari's eyes widened briefly in surprise at this, but Samara didn't say anything she simply turned off her own exercise machine and rose from the bench. "Meet you at the dock entrance in fifteen?" Shepard said to the justicar keeping her tone light even though she knew that the asari had already noticed that Garrus' message had wound her up. Shepard had no idea if there were any listening devices in here, but she did know there were a few surveillance cameras keeping track of the equipment and cargo, so she didn't want to mention anything about the rachni right now.

The justicar studied her for a second, the asari's pale blue eyes intent, and then Samara replied with a single graceful nod, "I will meet you there, Shepard."

Shepard knew her current expression had to be conveying a silent thank you to the asari for catching on so quickly and not asking any questions as they headed toward the stairs together. She didn't know if this easy understanding between them was due to their melding or not, but she was definitely appreciating the feeling of working together so smoothly with the justicar. Shepard would have simply assumed it was the melding except that Samara had shown she was a keen observer from the first moments of their initial meeting in the alleyway. The justicar hadn't missed even the slightest reaction from Shepard, and had shown she was able to accurately interpret them as well with her responses.

Shepard took a very quick shower and changed into armor for the excursion. Given the number of Eclipse mercenaries she had killed here, there was too much of a chance that the ones that were left might want some revenge. She had ordered that none of the crew go out into the town alone as well for that same reason. When she stepped out onto the second deck and started around the Normandy's CIC, Shepard wasn't surprised to see Samara already waiting for her. The justicar was wearing her usual ornate red and gold armor. Shepard liked the looks of it, but she did wish there was more protective coverage over the asari's chest area. She hadn't said anything though, she figured if Samara was wearing it then the asari either really liked it or it was the Justicar Order's traditional armor.

She waited until they had exited the ship and were headed out onto the main trading floor before saying anything to the asari walking beside her, "I didn't expect a reply for another couple of weeks or I would have definitely gone over this at the temple." Samara glanced briefly over at her, the asari's gaze questioning. Shepard grimaced; this was going to come as a rather big surprise to the justicar. Hopefully it would come as a pleasant one. "With any luck, this will be who I'm suspecting it is back with a positive answer from a friend of mine and we will have some allies against Cerberus that the Illusive Man won't have anticipated." Only the briefest flash of surprise disturbed the usual serene and slightly aloof countenance that Samara adopted in public in response to Shepard's statement.

Shepard paused and looked over the trading floor for any sign of Garrus, Tali or Rayna. She forced herself to only briefly gaze at the window overlooking the trading floor where Liara's office was located. Not that she could see in, but she didn't want to think of her former lover staring out of it and watching her. Two days was not nearly enough time for the pain of their breakup to heal. It didn't take her very long to spot the turian, quarian and asari standing all together next to the entryway off the trading floor leading to the transportation hub. She drew in a sharp breath at the sight, were her hopes of having allies against Cerberus about to be fulfilled or destroyed? What did it mean that Rayna was back so soon? She quietly said to the justicar, "It's her," and started walking that way, Samara keeping up with her easily as the people around them cleared out of their way.

That was about the time she realized just how much attention the two of them were drawing from those around them. She had drawn attention before today, but that had been because she was in armor and heavily armed and stood out like a sore thumb amongst the business suit clad crowd. What she was seeing now though was a lot more and a different type of attention than they had drawn yesterday. This was not good; she didn't want to draw notice to their meeting with Rayna.

"Our actions yesterday drew the attention of the news media," said Samara. Shepard looked over at her inquiringly, waiting for the asari to tell her more. She knew this, it had been the reason Detective Anaya had given them a lift from the Dantius towers back to the Normandy. She hadn't bothered to pay any particular attention to the local news reports though, figuring that something more interesting would happen soon enough and draw interest away from their actions. "A Spectre and a Justicar have never worked together before to anyone's knowledge," Samara continued in a dry tone, "that is causing a great deal of interest in us and speculation about why we are working together."

Shepard frowned, now annoyed with herself and concerned about how this would impact their ability to discreetly meet with Rayna. Why hadn't she been more circumspect in mentioning she was a Spectre? She knew that simply being one drew attention to her. Not to mention the fact that she was supposed to have been dead for two years and now here she was again, with no official explanation given for her disappearance. Well, nothing to do about it now other than to figure out how in the hell to work around the situation. "Wonderful," she finally responded to Samara, "are any of these speculations even close to the truth?" Their mission wasn't common knowledge, but she knew it wasn't exactly a secret either. An enterprising news reporter could start digging and figure it out, and that would just increase the level of interest in their activities.

"No," the justicar replied succinctly. Something about the way Samara said it, startled an amused snort from Shepard, lightening her mood. It gave her the distinct impression that the news reporters were making up some very interesting stories. She glanced over at Samara; the edges of the asari's lips had just the slightest up curve to them. The justicar was amused. Well that settled it; she would definitely have to take the time to find out what strange things they were saying about them.

In the meantime though, all this attention was still the last thing they needed, Shepard thought, her anxious mood returning as they drew closer to the trio waiting for them. She looked toward Garrus questioningly, wondering how she should greet them. "Shepard," Garrus called out to her, settling the question, "The Serrice representative just got some new items in, one of which is an omni-tool upgrade that I thought we might be interested in purchasing." The turian indicated the kiosk just a few meters away and the blue-hued asari with very light blue markings on her face standing next to it. He turned towards Tali and Rayna, "And Tali met someone who might be willing to sell us some spare T6 FBA couplers just in case something happens to the one's we're using now."

Oh very clever, thought Shepard, that was quick thinking on either Garrus or Tali's part. It gave them a perfectly good reason to accompany Rayna to her ship so they could discuss the Queens reply without worrying about being overheard.

"Shepard," Tali said, "this is Rayna." The quarian introduced the lavender hued asari as if none of them had met her before.

Shepard nodded politely to the asari, "Pleased to meet you Rayna." Hopefully there was no one here today who remembered them speaking with the asari three days ago or this would look very suspicious. "If you will give us a moment," she motioned with her hand toward the Serrice display and kiosk, "to look at this upgrade, and then we can look at the couplers you have for sale."

"They're on my ship," Rayna replied, doing a very good job at keeping up the deception. "I'm docked over at the commercial spaceport."

Shepard nodded, "If you don't mind we can accompany you there." Rayna inclined her head in agreement, their eyes met and Shepard knew from the gentle, reassurance in the lavender hued asari's grey eyes that the Queen's answer had been positive. The rachni would help them.

Shepard had to pause for a second as a powerful wave of relief swept through her. As confident as she had acted in front of Garrus and Tali, before now she had no idea how she would be able to do anything other than wait and hope that the Illusive Man betrayed his true intentions in enough time for her to do something to thwart them. In the back of her mind though, she had been afraid that he would somehow trap her into cooperating with him much like he had trapped her into accepting his help if she wanted to stop the Collectors. She had no doubt that the Illusive Man had contingency plans within contingency plans to ensure her cooperation. Any means necessary would certainly include threatening the lives of anyone she cared about to get his way, so she had to consider the possibility that the Illusive Man had always known Archangel's true identity and a secondary reason for Garrus' presence was that the turian could be used as a hostage. And then, because she was selfish and needed people she could trust around her, she had dragged Tali into this and now Samara, giving him even more potential leverage against her. If she had read Rayna's expression correctly and the Queen had agreed to help, now at least she might have a chance to find out what he intended before it was too late to do anything about it, and a chance to perhaps learn the extent of Cerberus' current activities.

Now though was not the time to betray her relief, not when there were so many curious eyes upon them. She controlled her expression, masking her feelings as she continued on towards the Serrice kiosk as if nothing unusual was happening. A few minutes later they climbed into an aircab and were on their way to Rayna's ship, the Illara Waverunner. Their purchase would be forwarded to the Normandy within the hour.

"Rayna, this is Justicar Samara. Samara this is Rayna Vallan," Shepard made the introductions as soon as they were all seated around the small table in the galley of Rayna's ship. She turned toward the lavender complexioned asari, who was seated opposite her at the table, "Samara joined us a few hours after we spoke and I haven't had time to fill her in yet about...all the events on Noveria."

Rayna's grey eyes widened and she glanced uncertainly toward the justicar, "Oh."

"This should be interesting," Garrus observed from beside her as he leaned back in his chair. Tali, seated in the chair across from him and next to Rayna, fidgeted nervously with her hands.

Shepard turned and gave him a look, though she really couldn't blame him for being smirkingly satisfied that he wasn't the one who had to explain this. She looked over at the justicar, who was seated at the end of the table. Samara was observing all of them with admirable sereneness, letting none of the curiosity she had to be feeling, given their behavior, show. Shepard took a moment to gather her thoughts. Where to begin, she wondered, with the truth of the war that had occurred over two millennia ago or with the events on Noveria? "I told you about what happened on Feros, Virmire and Ilos," she said to the justicar, "but I didn't mention what happened on Noveria when I confronted Matriarch Benezia."

Movement drew Shepard's attention to Rayna and for the first time she saw something other than an expression of gentle calmness on the asari's face. There was instead anger and condemnation there, and it didn't take long for Shepard to guess why. "Rayna, Benezia didn't do what she did of her own will, that was Sovereign not her," she explained to the lavender hued asari, her voice firm with her conviction that what she was saying was true. "Indoctrination is a terrible thing; the Reapers used it to make prothean refugees betray their own people to them. Sovereign used it to make Saren believe the lie that by working with the Reapers he could save some of us instead of all of us being wiped out." She paused a second and then forced herself to say it, "And Sovereign used it to make Matriarch Benezia forcibly violate another's mind and get the information that it wanted, the location of the Mu Relay." Rayna's hands clenched on the table, and Shepard reached over and covered them with her own. If she had any questions about whether the asari cared personally for the rachni Queen, they had just been answered.

Shepard stared for a moment at their joined hands as she thought about what to say, noticing absently how the black of the ballistic weave covering her palm and the dark grey of the armor plates on the back of her hand contrasted with the lavender of Rayna's skin. "Indoctrination is a violation of the mind as well," Shepard finally continued after a few seconds of silence. "It's being forced to think and do things that you would never do without its influence. Lady Benezia thought to turn Saren's path, to bring him back to reason, instead she found herself facing a foe she could not defeat, a Reaper. She was forced into retreating into her own mind. Forced to watch, unable to stop herself as she did things she abhorred. When she finally saw her chance to strike a blow against the ones who had done this to her, she managed to free herself for only a few minutes and give me the information before falling under Sovereign's control once again. And then I had to fight her a second time." Shepard closed her eyes for a moment, allowing herself a flash of memory of the asari matriarch ordering her not to heal her, Benezia's blue eyes demanding that Shepard allow her to make this decision when all others since she joined Saren had been denied her. "Lady Benezia knew that her mind had been damaged by Sovereign, that she would never be herself or free of Sovereign's control again. When presented with a choice of living like that or dying, she chose to die while her mind was still her own."

Shepard opened her eyes, met Rayna's now troubled gaze, "There were only victims of Sovereign there, Rayna. Liara finding out that her mother was not a traitor, and freeing her," she said referring to the rachni Queen, "were the only good and decent things that I managed to accomplish in that entire mission. Otherwise I just killed people who were indoctrinated slaves and not in control over their own actions, and children whose only real crime was that the terror from being raised in complete silence, from being separated from their mother, shattered their minds and caused them to become insane," she said with bitter regret.

"Oh, Amanda," Rayna said softly, turning her hands underneath Shepard's so that she could grip them in return, "you know she doesn't blame you for that. It had to be done, there was nothing you or she could do for them at that point. They would only continue killing if you hadn't stopped them."

The use of her first name startled Shepard; she stared into the asari's grey eyes. Somehow they seemed warmer, more understanding, and more knowing of her than they had before. "The Queen shared my song with you," she said in uneasy surprise. She didn't know quite how she felt about that, parts of what she had shared with the rachni had been very personal as was what the Queen had shared with her.

Rayna's hands squeezed hers, "Not all of it," the asari hastened to reassure her, "and only what I needed to understand what happened between you on Noveria. Though she does not have the same concept of privacy as we, she holds your song close to her and values it. She did not share your song with me lightly, and I would never share it with another without your permission," Rayna promised seriously.

Shepard looked into the asari's grey eyes, only slightly darker in hue to her own, and saw only sincerity. "Alright, I trust you," she replied, her concerns eased and gently squeezed Rayna's hands reassuringly, letting her know she wasn't upset with what the Queen had done. Obviously the Queen trusted Rayna, and undoubtedly the rachni had good reason for doing so. Shepard already trusted Rayna with helping them against Cerberus; she could extend that trust farther to include trusting Rayna with protecting what the asari now knew about her personally as well.

"I didn't realize that what happened on Noveria bothered you like that Shepard," Garrus said somberly, looking back and forth between Rayna and her, "I mean other than Liara being with you when you fought her mother."

Shepard nodded, "It wasn't a good mission as far as I was concerned, and then of course it was capped off by Councilor Metellus accusing me of having doomed the entire galaxy with my recklessness while Valern and Tevos didn't say a damn thing either way. No surprise there, I pretty much expected it to go that way. Considering that he had never agreed with anything I had done before, I think I would have fallen over from shock if he had told me I made the right decision."

Her gaze fell on Samara, seated at the end of the table next to Garrus and Tali, the justicar hadn't said anything yet even though all of this had to be confusing to her. The asari was watching everyone intently, doubtless waiting patiently for Shepard to finish speaking with Rayna before informing her why they were here and what allies they had that the justicar didn't know about. Meanwhile everyone else was dancing around naming exactly who they were talking about because no one felt comfortable just blurting out that they were talking about a rachni and not just any rachni, but a rachni Queen. However understandable that was, they were also being rude to Samara and that couldn't continue.

Sometimes there was nothing like just laying the facts out on the table, Shepard decided. "A few years ago Binary Helix found a derelict rachni ship that had been adrift in space for two thousand years." Shepard could see from the way Samara stiffened and her pale blue eyes widened that the earlier conversation was suddenly making sense to the justicar. "Inside it they found rachni eggs in cryogenic suspension. Saren, who was a major investor in the company, found out about it and had them attempt to recover the eggs. They only managed to recover one, which they transported to their lab on Noveria. His plan was for them to clone the rachni and create an army of obedient soldiers for Sovereign to use, but once the egg hatched the researchers realized they had a rachni Queen."

Samara looked a little less tense now and more intrigued with what Shepard was telling her. That was a good sign, the Spectre decided. "When she grew to maturity and began laying eggs of her own, the researchers took them away, thinking they could raise the rachni soldiers to be obedient to them if they separated them from her." Shepard still didn't know how she felt about the researchers. Granted, the Council had kept the fact that Saren was a traitor under wraps for as long as possible, but the researchers had known were raising an army of rachni for him. Did it not occur to them to stop what they were doing to question whether they should be doing it in the first place? Then there was the fact that they had held a sentient race captive and experimented upon them for the sole purpose of creating a slave army, something they knew was ethically wrong. Honestly, part of her felt that they deserved what had happened to them for being involved in such a project. What their actions had created had destroyed them in return; it had a certain karmic symmetry to it.

Realizing that she had fallen silent while pondering the researchers' degree of guilt, Shepard began speaking once again. "Not understanding how all rachni except for the queens mature, the researchers put the rachni young into an environment that was profoundly neglectful of their basic needs by taking them away from their mother. Without the Queens song to form their minds and teach them what they needed to know as they grew, her young were unable to understand the world around them. Without her song to soothe their fears, the silence left them trapped in terror and confusion. They became insane and dangerous, attacking everyone around them." Shepard glanced briefly over at Samara, noting the frown curving the justicar's lips slightly downward, the stern expression on her face. She knew her own expression probably showed her own disapproval of the researcher's actions. She then glanced over at Rayna, "Anything to add to that, or any corrections?" she asked the lavender hued asari.

"No," Rayna responded softly, shaking her head, "you explained it very well."

Shepard nodded, "That was the situation I found when I arrived at the Peak 15 research labs. The rachni had gotten free and were attacking the researchers and their security force. Matriarch Benezia, a group of indoctrinated asari commandoes, and quite a few geth were also around. We asked questions, managed to find out part of the story behind the rachni, and finally tracked down Matriarch Benezia. She was the one who told us about Saren's plans for the rachni and that rachni Queens were born with all the knowledge of their mothers, which was how the Queen knew the location of the Mu Relay. After Lady Benezia died, I went over to the tank they had holding the rachni Queen, mostly out of curiosity at that point," Shepard admitted.

"It startled the hell out of me when the Queen pressed her…hand I guess you would say, up against the plexiglass. And then backing into one of the commandoes coming up to the tank startled me even more since I thought they were all dead," Shepard commented with a slight wry smile, remembering that moment that had been like a scene out of some thriller movie where the supposedly dead guy jumps up and attacks you. "Because the commando was unconscious and near death, the rachni Queen was able to use her telepathy to control the asari's body and use her voice to speak to us. The rachni Queen explained what was wrong with her children that they been taken from her before they could learn to sing." Shepard bowed her head, remembering what came next, "Then she asked us to end their suffering because nothing could be done for them and they would only continue harming others if they were allowed to live. I agreed, as she said it was lamentable but necessary." After communicating with the Queen, it had been a harder task than before. She had an idea of how the rachni could have been, had the researchers not separated them from the Queen. Rayna squeezed her hands, bringing her out of her unhappy thoughts. She looked up and over at the asari seated across from her. Rayna's grey eyed gaze was gentle and understanding, it soothed her.

Shepard drew in a breath, straightened up a little and squared her shoulders. Her hands were still clasped in Rayna's. She made no effort to remove them. "Then she asked me whether or not I would free her or kill her. I asked her a few questions, if she was a survivor of the war and what she would do if I freed her. To the first she could only tell me what she heard from within her egg. That a tone from space silenced her mother's voices one by one and forced the singers to resonate with its own sour yellow note. Then she woke in the researches lab. As for my second question, she assured me that if I freed her she would not war with us again, instead she would seek a hidden place to teach her children harmony and that if they understood then perhaps they would return."

"It was such an important decision," she turned her head to look at Samara. "Trust that she wasn't lying and free her, risking the rachni going to war with us in the future and killing hundreds of thousands if I was wrong, or murder someone who was completely innocent of any wrongdoing out of fear that she might do something in the future as well as committing genocide." Their eyes met, and Shepard could see by the seriousness of the asari's expression that the justicar did appreciate the difficulty of it. "I chose a third option," the Spectre stated. Samara's head tilted slightly to the side in curiosity. "If she could communicate with the asari telepathically, then perhaps she could communicate with me as well." The justicar's eyes widened just slightly for a fraction of a second. Shepard knew she wouldn't have noticed it if she hadn't been staring at the asari, and then Samara nodded once.

Shepard had no idea if that was a nod of agreement or just acknowledgement. "The rachni communicate through a mixture of telepathic communications, sound and scent. The joining of our minds together was…amazing." She clearly remembered that moment and there was really no other word for the experience. "It was like being immersed in the world, and I found the rush of sensation overwhelming until the Queen quickly toned it down enough for me to deal with it. Then she sang of what little she knew of the war to me. I heard the discordant note she had spoken of, saw and felt the yellowness of it, tasted the horrible sourness of it. I couldn't swear one hundred percent that it was indoctrination, but I could tell that the rachni's aggression during the war and their refusal to communicate with us wasn't natural to them. It was forced upon them by something that was not rachni, for while it is in their nature to protect the Queen and their burrows by driving off intruders, it is not in their nature to attack first or to kill without provocation."

Neither Garrus nor Tali, even though she was there, had ever had a chance to hear what exactly had happened during the telepathic communication between the Queen and Shepard. Thus the Spectre had three sets of intent eyes upon her as she paused a moment to compose her thoughts and decide how what to say next. Even Rayna, who presumably knew what had happened, appeared raptly interested in what she was saying. "That was all I needed to make the decision to free her," Shepard continued. "I let her know that I considered what had been done to her and her children to be wrong. She asked me if I would share my song with her so that she could know me as I now knew her and the rachni. I agreed. It did after all only seem fair." That had been the first time in very many years that she had shared with someone exactly what had happened on Mindoir, the death of her father, her teachers, her friends, and then her mother. They had both suffered grievous loss; the Queen had understood the grief and pain she still felt even after nearly fifteen years. Shepard smiled, what had happened next was a pleasant memory, "And then we sang together."

"You sang together?" Garrus said his voice disbelieving. Shepard looked over at him puzzled, and then she remembered. That had been her standard line whenever he or Wrex had mentioned her visit with Sha'ira, which seemed to simultaneously irk, because she had spent so much time with the Consort, and fascinate, again because she had spent so much time with the Consort, both males. Shepard had never been one to kiss and tell, and certainly not about what had passed between her and the asari that afternoon. It had been special and meaningful to her. Even if nothing else ever occurred between the Consort and she, she would always treasure her memories of those hours they had spent together. The turian shook his head, "What is this with you and singing?"

With a last squeeze, she released Rayna's hands and leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms over her chest as she mock glared at the turian. "You know I have a decent singing voice," she protested, fighting her grin.

"You do," he agreed readily, staring at her. Finally, he questioned teasingly, "So, was it anything like the entire afternoon you sang with the Consort?" with a particular emphasis on the word entire.

Shepard had been expecting the question; in fact it took him longer to say it than she had thought he would take. She raised her eyebrow at him, "Consort Sha'ira has a well trained voice and an impressive vocal range, it was quite pleasant singing with her," she replied, making sure to keep her tone both proper and respectful. She was careful to make sure there was absolutely no hint of innuendo in her voice, even though the words she had chosen easily lent themselves to that.

_Vivid memories of her time with the Consort filled her mind, reminding her of how, after they had been intimate, Sha'ira had carefully and skillfully drawn out Shepard's languishing artistic side. Coaxing her to sing, play a few piano pieces on the asari's synthesizer, and even dance for the Consort who had admired her gracefulness. In doing so, Sha'ira had reminded Amanda of the totality of herself, that she was more than just a marine or Special Forces officer and in the process reminding her of why she had made the choices in her life that she had made. Shepard hadn't fully appreciated until many weeks later how healing her time with Sha'ira had been for her. Cleansing her mind of the sight and smell of burnt bodies and replacing it with the scent of sweetly perfumed blue skin; the memory of bodies grotesquely suspended on spikes with the feel of the asari's supple body arching beneath her touch; and the horrible moaning of the husks, which had once been human, with the soft cries of shared pleasure. Their time together had even given her a few days respite from the nightmarish images that had stalked her sleep nightly since her contact with the prothean beacon, for even without the Cipher she had been subconsciously aware that the prothean message had been a warning of impending death and destruction. _

Until Garrus had commented on it Shepard hadn't known how unusual it was for the Consort to spend more than an hour with any one person, let alone the four hours they had spent together, and Sha'ira had never requested any payment of her for those hours. It had been as if the Consort had somehow known that Shepard needed to recover from how much Eden Prime had reminded her of Mindoir and Elysium before she could focus on stopping Saren, and how important stopping Saren would be to all of them.

"You really expected any other answer?" Tali teased Garrus, breaking Shepard out of her memories.

He shook his head, "No, not really," he admitted to the quarian. "I was hoping that this time I could tell if she was being facetious or not."

Shepard shook her head to clear it. As truly pleasant as those hours were to recall, this really wasn't the time or place to remember them. Not to mention that sex and the rachni Queen, or any rachni actually, simply did not go together in her mind. It would be extremely hypocritical of her to be narrow-minded about relationships between different races considering her own past, and she usually wasn't, but some hypothetical pairings just made her brain stutter to a halt in rebellion. Like a salarian and an elcor… She forced that thought right out of her mind before it could get much further and possibly include Mordin, and refocused on the turian next to her. She shook her head at him. "Garrus, if you knew exactly how motherish the rachni Queen's mental voice sounded, you would have never thought that much less said it. Absolutely nothing the remotest bit sexual occurred between the Queen and me," Shepard said firmly.

His mandibles flared for a second in an expression of surprise and then he said, "Oh." Now there was understanding and a look of apology. "You know I didn't really mean…"

Shepard couldn't keep up the seriousness; she chuckled, interrupting his apology, "I know you didn't," she reassured him. "It's just that thinking about her that way seems really..." she waved her hand trying to come up with something intelligible to explain her feelings, but finally just settled on, "wrong to me."

Glancing around the table, Shepard had the distinct feeling that she had just amused both asari, though of the two of them, Rayna was the only one actually smiling. "Well then you will be reassured to know that the Queen regards you in much the same way Amanda."

"That's the second time you've used my first name," Shepard commented curiously. She didn't know yet quite what she thought about the asari's use of it. It was certainly a change from their meeting just a few days ago when Rayna had called her Shepard the entire time. Right now though she was more interested in understanding why Rayna was using it than deciding if she liked the asari using it.

Rayna regarded her uncertainly. "I am sorry," the lavender hued asari apologized, "I did not mean to presume. That is just how the Queen thinks of you."

"As Amanda?" Shepard questioned bemusedly. "I didn't realize that, in her earlier message she called me Shepard." She decided she was actually pleased with that, sometimes it felt like somewhere along the way she had lost her first name.

Rayna hesitated a second, her grey eyes taking in the human across from her, before responding, "I believe your message to her allowed her to clarify her thoughts about you and your relationship with her and her children within her mind."

Shepard didn't know how quite to take that, "Ok," she responded uncertainly not quite sure what Rayna meant by that.

"If you would prefer, I will call you Shepard," Rayna immediately offered, though the Spectre thought she looked a little disappointed.

She considered the lavender colored asari across from her for a moment. Everything about Rayna, from her manner to her voice, spoke of gentle femininity to Shepard. Though she had no doubt Rayna could defend herself, the asari was not a warrior, and it was highly doubtful their relationship would ever be one of commander and subordinate. "No that's alright," she assured Rayna. "I don't mind you calling me by my first name. It's…" she hesitated realizing that the last person to regularly refer to her that way had been Liara. "Very few people use it," Shepard cut her explanation short. It was time for a change in subject. "I was surprised to hear that you were back already, I expected it to take you a few weeks at best to get my message to the Queen."

"I did as well," Rayna admitted, "However, after you left, I realized that I did know where the rachni were located. Apparently one of the triggers to allow me to recall the information was a great enough need to contact them. When the port lockdown was lifted, I headed there immediately and gave your message to the Queen. In return she gave me two messages for you, one of which is for you alone."

Shepard stared at her bemused, wondering what the Queen had to say to her privately. In any case, the first message should be the Queens response to her request for aid. "What's the first message then?"

Rayna stilled and then her head tilted back slightly and her eyes rolled upward until only the whites showed. Out of the corner of her eye Shepard noticed Garrus and Tali start a little at this strange display and realized that the asari had been standing so close to her the other day that neither of them had seen this occur. Samara, seated at the far end of the table, didn't appear startled, but Shepard did notice that the justicar leaned to the side just a little so that she could see around Tali better.

"Amanda," the lavender hued asari began speaking the Queen's message, "two years ago we heard musics that you had died, and we sang songs of mourning. Then two months ago we heard quiet echoes that you were alive and we began to search for you." Shepard's eyes widened in surprise, recalling the news reports she had heard on Omega and Illium of rachni scout ships being sighted. Had they been looking for her? "When news was brought to us that you lived, we sang of our joy that you composed anew." Shepard's expression softened, that went straight to her heart; it was good to know that the rachni Queen had missed her.

Rayna paused for a second before continuing, "Amanda, know that you are as one of my sister's daughters to me and to my children." Shepard's eyes widened in surprise at the Queens words. Her sister's daughter… what? "When you shared your song with me, you sang of your belief in a great Mother whose song brought the universe into being out of silence. You sang of how we are all her children and that there should be harmony between us because of this. Then you joined your voice with mine and wove our musics together into one song with your voice and soul. It was harmony, and it was beautiful. As long as there are rachni, it will be remembered by us. Because of what you shared with me, I was able to teach my children harmony. Because of you Amanda, the rachni will one day come forth and we will join our voice with the voices of her other children."

Shepard felt her jaw dropping, oh Goddess. She bit back what would have undoubtedly been a rather stressed sounding laugh at that thought, literally oh Goddess. Never had it been her intention to convert the rachni Queen to her beliefs, she had just shared the things in her life that were important to her. However, that seemed to have been exactly what had happened, intent or no intent. Not only that, but it sounded as if the Queen's embrace of her belief in the Goddess had brought about a profound change on the rachni. Even if that change had benefited the rachni, the fact that they had changed because of her, troubled her.

"We have heard your plea for our aid," Rayna continued the Queen's message, "this Illusive Man seeks to silence your song and force you to resonate with his own. He believes that he has caged you for use as his beast of war, as claws for his own purpose just as the needle-men sought to use my children." Shepard drew in a sharp breath, that was an unexpected comparison, but she certainly couldn't say it was inaccurate. "We will not allow this, we will hunt for his hidden burrows and when we find them we will listen. His song will not remain hidden from us. We will discover what he intends for you. You do not need to fear for us, the rachni well know how to remain hidden when we desire. If this Illusive Man means you harm then we will do what is necessary to protect you. If you need shelter, you may come to us. You and those with you who resonate with your song are welcome in our burrows. The rachni will protect you as they would protect any of my daughters; you are as one of us."

Shepard just stared at Rayna as she finished speaking. There were so many questions she wanted to ask that she wasn't sure where to start first and her emotions were all over the place. She was still greatly troubled by the fact that she had apparently converted the Queen, and yet she was also tremendously relieved and grateful for the Queen's assurance that the rachni would aid her against Cerberus. That had been more than just agreement to listen, it had also been an assurance that the rachni would act against the terrorist organization as well if it proved necessary. And, if all else failed, a promise of a place for her to retreat to and regroup.

The lavender hued asari lowered her head and blinked rapidly a few times, coming out of the trance she had been in while relating the Queens message to them. Shepard glanced around the table; Garrus and Tali were staring at Rayna and her in obvious astonishment. Samara's astonishment wasn't so noticeable, but it was evident that the justicar was surprised by the message as well. She turned back to Rayna, "But I just...she asked for me to share my song with her. She had just shared hers with me so it only seemed fair. I didn't have any intentions of converting the rachni to my beliefs." Shepard finally got herself together enough to protest. The enormity of what she had unintentionally done was daunting.

"Oh Amanda," Rayna said in gentle understanding, "Because of the unique way the rachni's senses immerse them in the world around them, they have always known they were a part of everything. Your song only further shaped what the Queen already knew to be true. She felt the purity and strength of your love for the Goddess. She knew the depth of your conviction that to truly love our Creator you must love her creations as well, because they are hers and she finds them worthy. She understood that was what drives your passionate belief that there should be harmony between the races." The asari's expression was warmly approving as Rayna regarded her. "The Queen remembered your belief that there are as many different ways to seek enlightenment and to know our Creator as there are seekers and that all ways are valid if the seeker's heart is true," Rayna continued. "Out of your beliefs and what the rachni already knew to be true, the Queen shaped a way for her children to understand the Goddess as a great Mother of all Creation. That also allowed her to teach her children to understand that through the Goddess they were connected to the other races in a way similar to how the Queens connected all the different rachni hives together before the Rachni Wars. The rachni have always felt empathy toward other rachni, but were unable to comprehend that they should also show empathy to beings that did not resonate with the Queen's song or smell or taste like rachni."

The lavender hued asari reached out and placed her hand on Shepard's armored forearm. "I did not understand until the Queen shared with me what had happened on Noveria, that you were the reason the rachni helped me. If you had not shared yourself with her, and she had not taught her children of your song and the Goddess, the rachni would not have attacked me, as I was no threat to the Queen or themselves, but neither would they have approached my ship or, once they realized I was badly injured, saved my life." Rayna paused for a second, her gaze emphasizing her sincerity as her eyes met the Spectre's, "But you did share your song, and the Queen taught her children that we are all connected through the Goddess. When they found me badly injured and near death, I recognized what they were and believed that they would kill me. I was frightened. Instead of attacking me however, they sang reassurances that they would not harm me and began healing me."

Shepard found herself at a loss for words. Given what she had learned from the Queen's song, she knew that Rayna was correct. At best, the rachni should have simply avoided her ship and never even known the injured asari was inside. Shepard had assumed that the Queen had specifically intervened and ordered her children to help. Rayna wasn't saying that however, she was saying that the rachni had sought her out within the wreckage of her ship and helped her on their initiative. "Then I am glad that it did," she finally found her voice, "it's just that I don't believe in proselytizing. It's strongly discouraged by the military, and I was raised to respect other people's individual beliefs, so it wasn't encouraged by my mother or father either." Shepard tried to explain why she was having such an issue with this, even though it seemed as if it had been very beneficial to the rachni. "A person's faith is their faith. As long as its life affirming and respects the rights of others, then as you said, as far as I'm concerned we're seeking the same thing. It's just that being responsible for an entire race believing in a certain way…" her voice trailed off, saying it aloud only seemed to make her responsibility for it more real.

"You are not," Samara's melodious voice interrupted their conversation.

Shepard turned her head to look at the justicar, "What?" She questioned Samara with a frown.

"You are not responsible for the rachni Queen's choice to believe in the Goddess," Samara stated calmly. Shepard was confused, how could the justicar make that statement when it was obvious that, although she hadn't meant for it to happen, she had converted the Queen to her own beliefs? Samara spoke again, questioning her, "Did you make the Queen's choice for the rachni to believe in the Goddess for her?"

"No, of course not," Shepard protested, and then paused, realizing what the justicar was getting at. She eyed the justicar respectfully, really she should have realized that herself. It wasn't as if she didn't know that she had no control over other people's decisions. If she did, then the Council wouldn't be convinced that Sovereign was a geth creation and that she had been duped by Saren. Samara didn't say anything further, but then the asari didn't need to, she knew she had made her point.

Rayna glanced back and forth between Shepard and the justicar and then when it was obvious that the other asari was done, turned back Shepard, "The rachni Queen knows you did not intend anything other than sharing who you were with her as she had shared the same with you," she reassured the Spectre. "She made this decision because she felt that what you believed was true. Your belief in the Goddess, in a being that created all things, sang to her."

Even if Samara's words hadn't already been enough, those would have silenced Shepard's protests. She regarded the lavender hued asari solemnly; given what songs meant to the rachni those three words were actually a very powerful statement. If that were true, then who was she to protest that the Queen shouldn't believe in the Goddess when the rachni had immediately felt drawn to her? She inclined her head to Rayna in acceptance, it was the Queen's right to believe as the rachni chose and she would just have to get over her discomfort with the fact that she played a part in it. "The Queen said that I was as her sister's daughter to her?" she asked, letting the subject of the rachni's new beliefs drop.

"Before the Rachni Wars, when the rachni claimed an entire sector of space it was common for Queens to exchange their daughters with their far away sister's to make sure their songs didn't diverge from one another," Rayna explained. "The daughters brought with them their mother's songs and the Queen of the hive wove their song into her own. The rachni Queen wove your song into hers in the same way as she would have if you had been one of her sister's daughters'."

"So it's a traditional role among the rachni?" Shepard asked, struggling to understand exactly what the Queen meant by her statement. It seemed as if it was much more than just a way for the Queen to say she felt close to Shepard. It seemed as if it were an acknowledgement of the fact that the rachni Queen had woven elements of Amanda's song into her own. The song of the rachni that the Queen had shared with her had given her a basic understanding of what the rachni were, but no particular detail about the finer points of their culture or history.

Rayna nodded, "It is a highly respected and traditional role among the rachni. Even though they did not lay eggs, these daughter's songs were incorporated into the Queens own song and thus became part of all the future rachni of that hive. They were a Queen of the hive with all the rights and responsibilities of one, save the duty of being a Mother." Shepard's eyes widened and she drew in a sharp breath of surprise as she realized what the asari was telling her. Upon seeing her reaction, Rayna hesitated for a moment before she dipped her head once in a nod, confirming Shepard's suspicions, and continued, "As the Queen said in her message to you, you are as one of her sister's daughters to her. You are one of the Queens of her hive."

For a second time in less than ten minutes Shepard was struck speechless. This wasn't just an honorary title; this was an acknowledgement of her role within the rachni's hierarchy due to the Queen incorporating parts of her song within the Queen's own song. How… all she had meant to do was discern the truth of the Queen's words and now she was a rachni? She would have been fine with just the songs about her forgiveness of them. Then incongruously she thought about the Council, she hadn't ever mentioned that she had telepathically communicated with the rachni Queen to them. Wait until they learned about this. Shepard snorted in amusement. Maybe two years ago she would have given a damn, now she just didn't care and the thought of the look on their faces when she informed them she was a rachni Queen was actually quite funny.

"What are you laughing about?" asked Tali, confused. She was just the one who asked, Garrus and Rayna were staring at her in confusion as well. Even Samara looked puzzled at her reaction.

Shepard looked at them; she hadn't ever told Garrus or Tali that the Council didn't know about this, much less her reasons for not telling them. "I never told the Council that I spoke telepathically with the Queen, they just think I spoke with her through that asari commando," she admitted. "So if they ever learn about this it will come as quite a shock to them." She shrugged, "I was thinking about the looks on their faces if I ever informed them that I was now a rachni Queen. It amused me; Councilor Metellus will probably pop a cork."

"You never told them!" Garrus exclaimed, looking dismayed. "Why?"

She turned and looked him in the eye, "Because Councilor Metellus used his position to get access to the medical reports Dr. Chakwas filed on me and found out that the nightmares from the beacon message were disturbing my sleep so badly that I asked her for medication to allow me to sleep through them. He used that and my continuing insistence that the Reapers weren't just a myth to attempt to prove the other Councilors and to Udina that I was unstable and should be removed from the mission and as a Spectre." Garrus still looked dismayed, but now Shepard had the feeling that it was at what she was telling him and not what she had done. She shrugged, "I didn't want to give him more ammunition against me, so I simply left that part of it out of my report. I knew that no matter what I said he was going to disagree with my decision anyway, and if he knew about the telepathic joining he would just claim that the Queen had manipulated me into freeing her. You know he didn't agree with the idea of there being a human Spectre in the first place, and the entire time I was chasing Saren he was trying to persuade the other Councilors they had made a mistake in making me one." She laid it out flatly. She had suspected it the entire time she had been chasing Saren. The files the Illusive Man had sent her only confirmed her suspicions.

Garrus shook his head, looking frustrated, "I knew that he was making things difficult for you, but I had no idea it was to that extent or that he was actively trying to get you removed as a Spectre. You always did everything in the most right way possible, what more did he expect of you?" he asked her angrily.

His shoulders slumped and she reached over and put her hand on his shoulder, "Garrus, it really had nothing to do with what I did or didn't do, I'm a human and I was the one who proved that Saren had gone rogue. That's why he was after me; it really wasn't about me or what I was actually doing. And you're not responsible for his dishonorable actions." Shepard caught Samara's sharp glance at her use of the word dishonorable. She hadn't thought of the turian Councilor in any flattering way before her death, he had consistently made his prejudices against all humans and especially against her too obvious for her to have much respect for him. Samara was right though to suspect that the prothean memories were exacerbating her anger and outrage at his behavior. She hadn't felt like challenging him to an honor duel before unearthing them, now it almost seemed like a reasonable response to his continued honorless baiting of her. Garrus didn't look convinced, "His actions reflect only upon his honor, not yours. As Samara just reminded me," Shepard glanced over briefly toward the justicar, "the responsibility for an action lies within the person making the decision."

Samara inquired, "How do you know that the Councilor did this?"

Shepard removed her hand from Garrus' shoulder as she looked over at the justicar, "The Illusive Man sent me my Alliance personnel record and several Council documents discussing me. And yes, I'm aware that it could all be fake, but what I read in them fits too well with the things I was aware of before my death. Udina was never reticent about letting me know whenever I did something that he didn't like, and that ended up being a frequent occurrence. He also wasn't shy about letting me know he was forwarding his opinion to my superiors in the Alliance. I believe he kept thinking I would toe his party line if I knew I was jeopardizing my military career by continuing to follow my own way. But that wasn't happening, I could have never made the decisions he wanted me to make." Shepard briefly lowered her gaze to the table's metal surface before meeting Samara's eyes once again, "Even then I'd have rather lost my commission than lost myself." Shepard couldn't quite keep the bitterness out of her voice. She had once held out hope that the majority of her superiors would ignore his political ranting and appreciate the tactical soundness of her decisions. Now she knew just how naive that hope had been.

"I heard about Ambassador Udina giving you a lot of trouble," Garrus admitted, shifting in his seat uneasily. "I never understood why the Council let you remain in the Alliance Military. I thought Spectre's had to give up any prior allegiances when they became a Spectre."

"It does seem strange," Samara agreed, after Garrus finished speaking. "Your loyalties would always be divided."

Shepard nodded, looking back on it she had to wonder the same thing. "I didn't think about it at first, but later on, as it became harder to keep both the Alliance and the Council happy, I did wonder if I should resign my commission even though the thought of letting go of that part of my life wasn't easy. But there simply wasn't the time to go through all the paperwork while I was chasing after Saren, and after the Citadel battle I was working with the Alliance out in the Terminus Systems trying to track down geth outposts. It wasn't an issue then, so I let it slide thinking I could address it later." She left unsaid the 'and then I died'. Shepard glanced over at Rayna for a second before turning back to the others; they had gotten way off the topic of the Queens message. "But as interesting as this topic is, it's not why we're here, and we don't really have the time to go into it. Examining salvaged F6 couplers can only explain away so much time."

Shepard turned back to Rayna, "I should have said right off how grateful I am for the Queens promise of aid." She bowed her head for a moment, weighing whether or not to admit her fears in front of the others. She raised her head, maybe not all of them, but the main one, yes she should share that. "I was afraid that the Illusive Man might have a plan already in place to manipulate me into doing exactly what he wanted, just like he did with arranging things with the Council and Alliance so that I had to work with Cerberus if I wanted to stop the Collectors. If the rachni can find out why he really wants me to go after them that would be a great help to me. It would give me a chance to figure out how to stop him before he has me boxed into doing what he wants." Rayna, her expression quite serious, nodded in response to this.

"As for learning that the rachni see me as one of their Queen's," Shepard paused, trying to form something coherent out of her whirling thoughts. Finally she just admitted, "Honestly, I'm not quite certain how I feel about it." Shepard let out an audible breath and then ruefully admitted, "I certainly never expected this outcome from what happened between us on Noveria." That earned her amused chuckles from both Garrus and Tali, a faint look of amusement from Samara, and an understanding smile from Rayna.

"Perhaps before you make up your mind, I should give you the Queen's other message," Rayna commented, reminding Shepard of the second message the lavender hued asari had for her from the Queen. That did sound like a good idea, though she wondered what the Queen had to tell her that was personal enough that Rayna wanted to deliver it through a meld.

"Alright," Shepard agreed. Rayna rose from the table, and looked at Shepard expectantly. Of course, they needed to be closer, Shepard realized, getting up from her chair. She stopped a few feet away from Rayna, and waited for the asari to indicate exactly how she wanted to proceed.

Rayna stepped closer, reached out and took Shepard's hands in hers. That was a little different, but nice considering what they were about to do. Rayna smiled at her, "I know you know how to do this Amanda." Shepard nodded and closed her eyes. She slowed her breaths, and then lowered her mental barriers enough so that Rayna could meld with her while reaching out mentally toward the asari. "Embrace eternity," Rayna said softly and initiated the meld.

First Shepard felt Rayna's gentle mental touch within her mind and then it was replaced by the rachni Queen's distinctive mental presence. Strong and ancient feeling with all the memories of the rachni Queen's mother's, and undeniably mother-like, just as Shepard had remembered. There was the sense of the Queen greeting her, similar to when their musics had first touched during their telepathic communication on Noveria. And then there was a rush of sensations, feelings and song that, while they had no direct analogy to anything Amanda had felt before, were still very familiar to her and stirred up bits and pieces of memories that felt very similar. A warm blanked wrapped around you by caring hands when it was cold, a kiss upon a scrapped knee to make it feel better, a song at bedtime to soothe you to sleep, and a warm hug that enveloped you and held you close when you felt lost and alone. It was the countless small ways in which someone who loved you showed that they cared for you and would take care of you whenever you were injured or hurt, or just weary and burdened. It was the song of a Mother, and it was directed at Amanda and broke wide open the dam she had built to hold back all of the hurt and pain that had been building in her since she woke up on a Cerberus station just over two months ago.

There was the pain and loneliness of her death, and the dismaying ease with which it had seized and claimed her. The inescapable knowledge that Shepard now carried within her that she had been defeated, and that she could be again. Then there was the confusion and struggle to accept that she had been dead for almost two years and then brought back to life, and the question she didn't want to ask or even think about…where exactly her soul had been during that time. The nagging questioning in her mind of how human she was now with the extensively rebuilding of her body and the differences in her mind due to her drell like memories as well as the prothean memories from the cipher.

Shepard wasn't aware of the pain filled sob that left her lips or Rayna dropping her hands to reach up and steady her by holding onto her arms. She wasn't aware of Tali and Garrus getting up from the table in alarm, or of Samara firmly stopping them from interfering with the meld.

There was the pain of her rejected request to the Council and Anderson for their support instead of Cerberus' against the Collectors. Their accusation that she was committing treason, while they didn't even bother to ask her what had happened to her during the past two years and instead accepted whatever lies the Illusive Man had created for them. Their complete dismissal of the deadly threat the galaxy faced, the return of the Reapers, telling her instead that she had been deceived by Saren and it was all just in her head. The Illusive Man hadn't won her to his side by sending her the information about what the Alliance and Council had said about her, but he had certainly damaged the loyalty she felt toward both organizations. Learning what they had said had hurt her in ways she hadn't expected, deep raw wounds that her loyalty, courage, honor, and honesty seemingly hadn't been valued by either the Alliance or the Council.

Shepard wasn't consciously aware of reaching out and pulling Rayna into a tight embrace or of the asari attempting to do the same around her armor and weapons while Garrus and Tali looked on in shocked surprise. She wasn't even aware of when Samara carefully removed the weapons pack from her back so that Rayna could finally wrap her arms around Amanda in return, and handed it to Garrus who laid it carefully on the table while staring at his Commander and the asari holding her in confusion. Shepard certainly wasn't aware of when Samara turned to the turian and quarian who were clearly looking to her for guidance in this situation.

There was the pain and guilt that had torn through her when she heard the tears in Liara's voice as the asari told her that she couldn't take losing her again. That it had hurt too much and that Liara had only gotten back some of her life recently from the grief of loosing her. Before Amanda had died, she had begun to dream that, should they defeat the Reapers, they might spend the rest of their lives together, and that one day Liara and she might have a beautiful asari child. One who called her their second mother and that she would hold and love for as long as possible. That dream though had withered and faded when she died, and just like her old life it had drifted away out of her reach forever.

She wasn't aware of burying her head in Rayna's neck or the heartbroken sobs that escaped. She wasn't aware of her knees buckling or that Rayna helped her slowly kneel until they were both sitting on the floor, Rayna holding her and stroking her hair as she cried. She wasn't aware of Samara regarding the two of them, in a rare moment of openly shown emotion, with understanding and compassion in her pale blue eyes before turning away to usher Garrus and Tali toward the cargo bay. Allowing the two of them some privacy while Amanda finally allowed herself to do what Samara knew the human sorely needed and had been denying herself, to grieve.

When the Queen's song faded from her mind, Rayna's mental touch lingered for a few moments longer, the asari adding her own soothing mental touch to the rachni's before finally that faded as well and the mental connection between them ended. Amanda became aware that she was sitting on the floor and clinging to Rayna as if her life depended on it, her head buried in the asari's shoulder, and the fabric her cheek rested upon damp from her tears. Rayna was holding onto her as well, the asari's arm around her back and one hand cupping the back of her head.

They stayed like that for a few seconds longer, and Amanda had the feeling that Rayna was willing to hold her for as long as she needed. She felt drained and emptied, as if all of the pain that she had been carrying around inside her had been poured out. In its place was a diffuse sense of peace, and the feeling that perhaps some of the things that had been troubling her would do so less in the future. As for how she felt physically, her eyes were swollen and her nose was stuffed up, nothing surprising about that. Amanda stirred and Rayna's arms around her loosened allowing her to straighten and look around as she very carefully wiped the tears from her eyes. Armored hands definitely weren't the best for this. How long had they been in the meld? And where were Samara, Garrus and Tali? They weren't in the galley. She did notice her weapons pack on the table and wondered with shock how she hadn't noticed someone removing it.

Embarrassment stirred and Amanda had a hard time meeting the asari's eyes until a lavender colored hand cupped her chin and gently but firmly lifted her head, surprising her. Rayna's grey eyes were gentle and understanding, there was no censure or judgment for her breakdown in them. "We all need someone to hold and care for us when we are hurting, asari or human... or rachni." Amanda gave her a questioning look at the last. "The Queen felt the unspoken depth of your loss and pain in your message to her. That was when she realized that you were as one of her sister's daughters to her, even though you were not rachni. The strength of the need she felt to come to you, soothe away your pain with her song and protect you from harm, was as strong as if you were one of her own daughters."

Before their meld, Amanda would have likely been surprised by that information, now though, she merely nodded. The meld and the Queen's song had made it unquestionably clear that the rachni Queen saw her as a daughter. What she wasn't certain of was exactly how she felt towards the rachni Queen in return. Yes, she had been able to see the rachni as person and as a good friend after they sang together, but as a mother figure? That was a big jump from friend, and there was a big difference between interacting with the rachni Queen in person and interacting with Rayna carrying the rachni Queen's song in her mind.

Rayna leaned back a little, her gaze taking in Amanda's face, "Would you like to clean up?"

That was definitely a good idea, the last thing she needed was to walk though Nos Astra and onto the Normandy looking like she had just had a good cry, even if she had. "Yes, I'd like that." They got up off the floor and Rayna lead her to a washroom just off the asari's cabin. There Shepard took off her gauntlets, washed her face with cold water, blew her nose, and then examined her appearance in the mirror. Her eyes still looked a little red, but otherwise there wasn't any remaining evidence of what had just happened. She was still a little stunned that she had broken down and cried upon hearing the Queen's song. A mother's touch had been all it took; she hadn't even realized how much hurt she had held inside and tried to deny she felt until it all rose up and overwhelmed her.

Lindariel had cried herself to sleep on many a lonely night, and wished that her mother was still alive for her to talk to about how to deal with her pain. And Eriathwen had cried in her husband's arms for the loss of her hand and in relief that she was still alive after being so sure that she was going to die during the crash. Perhaps instead of being embarrassed that she had cried, and had needed to cry, she should just be grateful that the Queen had somehow realized exactly what she needed to let those emotions out and freely provided it. That thought had fresh tears ready to well and Amanda reached up and pinched the bridge of her nose as she took a few deep breaths to let her feelings ease. Maybe it wasn't that impossible to think of the Queen as a mother figure after all, but she just didn't know. It just didn't seem like something she could decide right now.

Shepard dropped her hand back to the countertop and looked her reflection in the eye. She looked alright she decided. That was one thing about having new skin, it erased the little wrinkle lines and imperfections that one picked up in thirty years of life. To her eyes, she looked a few years younger than her actual age now. That was if one missed the years that showed in her eyes. Privately she thought she was starting to get the look she had previously associated with asari, young looking faces but experienced eyes, at least the ones who hadn't sleepwalked through a few centuries.

She turned away from her reflection and uneasy thoughts, put back on her gauntlets and left the washroom. Rayna waited for her outside, and they started back toward the galley. "You'll make sure the Queen knows how much I appreciate her help with Cerberus?" Shepard asked as they entered the room. She knew she was repeating herself, but it was very important to her that the Queen know how thankful she was for the rachni's promise of aid against Cerberus.

"I will," the lavender hued asari reassured her.

Shepard paused by the table with her weapons pack upon it, she would need help getting it properly placed on her hardsuit and she didn't know if Rayna was familiar with them. "Any idea where Samara and the others went?"

"I would guess the cargo bay," the lavender hued asari responded.

Shepard nodded, that did seem like a reasonable deduction. She met Rayna's grey eyed gaze solemnly, there was one other thing for which she needed to thank the Queen and the asari. "In addition to my thanks for her aid, would you tell her thank you for her song, I…" she paused, uncertain of how to covey her feelings to the Queen. She hadn't realized how much hurt she had been holding in until she heard the song and then every painful thing had risen in a rush to overwhelm her. A large part of being able to let go and give into those feelings had been the Queens song, but she knew a part of it was also the fact that she felt safe enough on Rayna's ship, and with the asari, to let her guard down. Here she hadn't had to worry about her breakdown being recorded by a missed a surveillance bug for the Illusive Man's or Miranda's later perusal or EDI popping up to ask what was wrong with her. She realized that Rayna was waiting patiently for her to finish her thought, "I think you know how much it meant to me. Tell her, please." She paused for a moment, "And Rayna, thank you."

The lavender hued asari smiled, reached up and brushed her fingers across Shepard's cheek, "There is no need to thank me, Amanda. And yes, I will let the Queen know that she was right." Rayna tilted her head to the side a little before remarking, "She knows you well."

Shepard blinked and frowned a little as she absorbed that statement. "You didn't know I would do that?"

"I didn't doubt that it would help you," Rayna replied softly, "but no, I didn't realize how much you needed her song and a place you felt safe enough to show your pain."

Shepard nodded, "Rayna I…." She drew in a breath, "I still don't know quite what I think about being a rachni Queen…" she admitted. "I'll have to give it some serious thought. I don't want to make a snap decision on something so important to both of us. Ideally I'd like to meet with her in person," she shook her head and frowned, "but with everything that's going on who knows when it will be safe for that to happen."

She locked gazes with Rayna as the asari gave her a searching look. "I understand," the lavender hued asari assured her after a moment.

An awareness of time passing was starting to press on Shepard; she knew they had already spent too much time here to easily explain away if anyone asked about it. She needed to wrap this up and get the team moving back to the Trading floor or one of the hubs where there were shopping vendors. That was probably the best idea; they could claim they had spent the extra time looking for new items. She reached down and opened one of the utility pockets on her belt, pulled out an OSD, and handed it to Rayna. "What is this?" the asari inquired, giving her a curious look.

"Information on Normandy's stealth systems," Shepard responded, "I strongly recommend that the rachni develop their own version of it. It should help them remain unnoticed while their collecting intelligence on Cerberus." The Council would probably have a collective cow about it, but oh well, Shepard needed outside help and the rachni had just stepped up to the plate. Now she had to make sure they had what they needed to get the job done, and they needed for their activities to go undetected. This was the best way she could think of to help them with that.

The asari's expression turned solemn as she reached out and accepted the disk, "I'm sure they will be able to make good use of this information."

Amanda looked at the asari, and then before she could second guess herself she wrapped Rayna in a hug, "I know you said you didn't need thanks, but thank you anyway," she whispered.

"You are welcome," the lavender hued asari responded, hugging her in return.

Shepard released her, "I need to get going," she said apologetically.

Rayna nodded, "I know." She motioned toward the door which led to her ship's cargo bay.

Shepard picked up her weapons pack and strode though it, and the lavender hued asari followed behind her. Samara, Garrus and Tali were in the cargo bay as Rayna had suspected, and the three of them turned to look at Rayna and her as they entered the bay.

"Shepard are you alright," Garrus asked.

She smiled at her friend, "I will be." Shepard caught sight of Samara's slight nod and fleeting look of satisfaction at her words.

A thought crossed her mind, "Samara, right now I have Rayna leaving messages with Liara for us, but with her tangling with the Shadow Broker it's not the best choice. Do you have any alternate suggestions of how we can get messages back and forth to each other?"

The justicar frowned looking thoughtful, "I'm assuming you're looking for a safe place to leave messages in Nos Astra, for us to pick up when we stop for supplies?" Shepard nodded. Samara turned to Rayna, "Priestess Oressa at the temple would hold messages for me until I return for them. It is not uncommon for justicar's to receive information about issues of justice in this manner. She will not question it, nor will she look at the contents of any messages left for me."

"Cerberus certainly deserves some justice," Tali growled, undoubtedly thinking of the groups attack on the flotilla.

Samara's pale eyes rested on the young quarian for a brief moment, and Shepard answered the unasked question in them. "Cerberus was chasing after one of their escaped research projects, a child from the Ascension training program and two of her biotics teachers who were trying to protect her. The three of them sought refuge with the Flotilla on the Idenna. Cerberus attacked the quarian ship trying to get the child back and killed several quarians before their attack was stopped." The justicar turned toward her and nodded. "Rayna do you have any other suggestions?" Shepard said, turning to the lavender hued asari who promptly shook her head, "Alright, let's go with that plan then."


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The Mass Effect universe is the property of Bioware/Electronic Arts. No infringement of these copyrights is intended as this is a not for profit fan fiction work.
> 
> Warning: none
> 
> Notes: This is inspired by the Beyonce song "Save the Hero," from the album I am…Sasha Fierce. This is an Alternate Universe story. The portrayal of Cerberus in my story is heavily influenced by the contents of the second and third Mass Effect books, Ascension and Retribution.
> 
> Rating: Teen
> 
> Feedback: Always welcome, feedback is what encourages me to keep writing. Please let me know what you like and what you dislike about the story.
> 
> Errors and Corrections: Yes, please let me know about any errors you see so that I can correct them. This is un-beta'ed so it probably has a few.
> 
> Revision History: 06/25/2010; 06/26/2010; 08/30/2010

**Normandy – Captain's Cabin**

Shepard glanced up at the viewport above her bed, it was still shuttered. She walked over to the controls and thumbed them, watching as the protective shutter retracted revealing a view of stars and the blackness of space. They had left Illium a little over an hour ago, and were about to pass through the Tasale System relay, the first transit of several in their four day journey to Tuchanka. Shepard hoped that Wrex would know why Grunt was having a problem controlling his more violent impulses, and what they could do for the young krogan. While they were there, Mordin wanted to search for one of his assistants who had gone missing and whom he believed was being held captive.

Yesterday, after returning to the ship from what turned out to be a particularly emotional meeting with Rayne, she had retreated to her cabin to meditate for a few hours to attempt to order her thoughts and calm her still turbulent emotions. Then, feeling rather wrung out from the events of the day, she had gone to bed early and, for a change, had gotten a full night's sleep that was uninterrupted by dreams or anything else. She had awoken early enough to meet up with Samara on the hanger deck and work out for an hour with the justicar. That was developing into a morning routine, and one that she appreciated. It was pleasantly undemanding to exercise with the asari. Samara hardly said more than a few dozen words to her, and yet the silence never became uncomfortable and it never felt as if the justicar would rather be alone. Indeed, from the pleasant greetings she had received thus far, Shepard would say that Samara enjoyed their time together as well.

Given what she had observed about the justicar's behavior with the other members of the crew, Shepard suspected Samara was not in the habit of making friends. Joker had commented that he felt like Samara could shoot him in a very tranquil manner, and Kelly Chambers had made a comment about the justicar being elegant and beautiful, but also very cold in her demeanor. Shepard would have like to have seen the incident that had prompted that comment from the redhead. She could imagine the Yeoman bouncing into the Observation Room thinking she could pry into Samara's psyche only to be completely shut down by the coolly analytical gaze of the justicar.

Shepard understood why they would get those impressions, but that certainly wasn't how Samara was around her. Honestly, she felt rather honored that the asari was making an exception in her case. She had been allowed to meet Samara the person, and not just Samara the Justicar. Perhaps some of it was her own attitude, she had noticed that most asari either reacted to Samara as if she were an almost mystical hero or stared at her as if she were about to start killing at a moment's notice and they just might be on her list. Both reactions didn't give Samara much room to be anything other than a justicar around them even if the asari wanted something different. Shepard didn't treat Samara either way, she treated her like a fellow crewmate, and, as she had realized yesterday, as an equal. And yet she was indisputably the one in command whenever they were on a mission, which simply showed that Samara was capable of keeping their personal relationship separate from their professional one.

She had completed Miranda's exercise program this morning. Starting from where she had left off yesterday, Shepard had been able to curl a few more kilograms. The rest of the workout had gone about the same; she could now lift about double what she had been able to before her death and Shepard knew she hadn't been in top physical condition when she died. Chasing after Saren hadn't given her a lot of time to work out. Though the battles they had fought had been physically demanding, combat didn't equate to keeping up a regular strength training and aerobic exercise regimen. The reality was that she had lost some of her muscle mass before her death and a little more she suspected during the time she was kept in a coma. She was certainly not in the best physical shape she had ever been in currently, which meant that she hadn't yet reached the physical limits of her new body. Several months of dedicated strength training should give her a better idea of what exactly she was capable of lifting.

That realization had strengthened her resolve to discuss the modifications that had been made to her body with Miranda as soon as possible. Amanda finally felt ready to discover what exactly was underneath her skin, and how much of her original body remained. Or, at least she hoped she was ready. She couldn't deny that the thought of it left her feeling a little anxious, but she was tired of running from it. Perhaps the best thing to do was just to get it over with and done instead of letting it continue to hang over her. She headed toward her cabin door, hopefully her XO was free and she could ask her questions and find out if Miranda had finished reading the book she had given her.

"Commander," Miranda's greeting seemed rather lukewarm if not downright chilly to Shepard as she entered her XO's office and took a seat in the chair on the opposite side of her desk. Shepard kept her gaze steady and unapologetic as she met the other woman's suspicious blue eyes. The rather abrupt change in attitude toward her made two things evident to Shepard: one, Miranda had made it through a certain chapter of the book, and two, she had been right, the Illusive Man had been playing on Miranda's need for an approving father figure. She knew that both were true because of Miranda's reaction. If she had been wrong, there wouldn't have been any connection for Miranda to make between what she was reading and her relationship with her boss and therefore nothing for her to be suspicious and angry about. Well, it wasn't like she hadn't expected this reaction from the other woman when she chosen to give the book to Miranda, thought Shepard. Now she just had to hope that Miranda wasn't feeling any friendlier toward the Illusive Man and hadn't mentioned anything about this to him.

"I completed the workout you sent me," Shepard said, she could see the flash of surprise in Miranda's eyes; that wasn't what the other woman had expected her to say. "I have a few questions if you have the time?"

The black-haired woman leaned back in her chair and stared at her for a few seconds. "I guess you have questions about how you can lift that much?" Miranda finally commented.

Shepard nodded, "Obviously you found a way to strengthen the muscles, but I would think that I should still be feeling some strain on my joints. Since I am not, I'm assuming that means you did something to strengthen them as well."

Miranda nodded, "And to your tendons and bones," she added. "It became obvious, once we started using bio-synthetic microfiber weave to strengthen and protect your muscles, that we needed to strengthen your entire muscle-skeletal structure as well. Otherwise, as you already realized, you would be placing too much stress on your tendons, bones and joints."

"Bio-synthetic microfiber weave?" Shepard inquired with a confused frown, it didn't sound at all familiar.

"It's a new technology developed by Sirta Foundation," Miranda responded. Her expression turned somber, "I think you've already guessed that your body was heavily damaged during atmospheric entry and planetfall on Alchera." Shepard nodded, she had indeed guessed as much. "Your Onyx armor did a good job of protecting your body," Miranda said, "but it was never designed to withstand that type of impact pressure. Besides shattering several of the bones in your body, your muscles were deeply bruised and damaged as well, especially along your right side which apparently bore the brunt of the impact damage."

"We had to use bio-synthetic tissue to replace and rebuild the muscles and connecting tendons where they were too badly damaged to heal properly," Miranda continued. "Since we already had to examine each of your muscles for damage, we decided to perforate them with the microfiber weave while we were at it. As you noticed it's made you quite a bit stronger and your muscles are also more resistant to injury."

Shepard absorbed that, it was more than a little strange to think about them going over her body for damage like she went over her armor after every engagement. In a way though, it did make sense. "And my joints? Why don't they hurt when I curl a nineteen kilogram weight?"

"As I mentioned, several of the bones in your body were shattered." Miranda hesitated for a moment before continuing, "Many of them to the point that they could not be put back together as the fragments were too small and the bone cells too badly damaged. We created bio-synthetic replacements for the bones we needed to replace, and then we wove heavy bone weave into both them and the bones we were able to repair. The heavy bone weave is a strengthening and protective lattice weave wrapped around the bone that also acts as a conduit for med-gel. Breaks that might have taken weeks for you to heal will now heal in days. While we were at it, we also designed and replaced most of your joints. Your elbow and knee joints were badly damaged and would have always given you problems if we hadn't replaced them. Your right shoulder was completely shattered past any hope of recovery, and your left, while still basically in one piece, also needed replacing. It was the same with your hip joints."

Ok, so far this wasn't really so bad, as Miranda had mentioned, she had already known that her body had been badly damaged when it impacted with the planet's surface. "Sirta Foundation again?" she asked curious about the weave the other woman had mentioned.

"For the heavy bone weave?" Miranda questioned and Shepard nodded. "Yes, that was made by Sirta Foundation as well. They've made some interesting advancements in cybernetics over the past few years. Most of them aren't even out on the market yet. In fact, another one of their prototypes is woven into your skin, heavy lattice weave." The black haired woman eyed her, "I know you found some of my logs about the state your body was in when we received it."

"Yes I did," Shepard acknowledged, as unpleasant as they had been to hear she didn't regret deciding to listen to them.

Miranda nodded and then continued, "Due to heat damage upon entry into Alchera's atmosphere, and then cold damage due to the sub-zero temperatures on the planet's surface, we had to replace all of your skin. Since we were growing it anyway, it was fairly simple to incorporate the synthetic fibers. The lattice weave strengthens your skin, making it more durable and resistant to cutting and impact damage. It also acts as a medi-gel conduit for both your skin and the musculature directly underneath."

Shepard couldn't help but glance down at her hands and her spacer pale, olive toned skin; she would have never guessed that her skin had synthetic fibers woven into it. You certainly couldn't tell just from looking. No wonder she wasn't getting as bruised up as she used too. Or rather she was still getting injured; it was just that her minor injuries were being healed almost as quickly as they happened and therefore never had the chance to bruise. That explained why after every mission she had to replace at least one or two of the medi-gel packets in her armor even when she didn't realize she had been injured and she couldn't find any significant damage to her armor. Shepard liked the armor improvements that had been made over the past two years. It made a lot of sense to her for the onboard first aid interface in the armor to apply medi-gel when it detected the wearer was injured, instead of counting on the injured person to be able to do it themselves or for a teammate to be close enough. Everyone still carried extra dispenser packets for direct application in case of major trauma injuries, but mostly their armor, provided it was one of the newer middle to upper end models, automatically applied medi-gel as needed now.

"Along with the skin, muscle and bone damage, there was of course damage to your circulatory system as well," Miranda's voice drew Shepard's attention back to her XO. "As with your muscles and bones, we used bio-synthetics to replace the damaged blood vessels and arteries that were too severely injured for us to repair." Shepard glanced down at her right arm, it was sounding like they had to pretty much replace it. "Yes," Miranda said, obviously having noticed where her attention had gone, "We had to completely rebuild your right arm and shoulder. As I said, you must have impacted upon your right side; that arm and shoulder were severely damaged."

Shepard almost asked how damaged was very severely damaged, but something told her that might be something which she really didn't need to know. Ignorance wasn't necessarily bliss, but sometimes neither was the alternative. Sometimes too much knowledge was just that...too much knowledge. Did she really need a better idea of exactly how damaged her body had been when what she already knew was enough to unsettle her?

"You already know that we had to completely reconstruct your face, that included jaw and dental reconstruction, nose reconstruction, and reconstructing your eyes with cybernetic replacements," Miranda stated, and Shepard refocused her attention back on her XO. "What you might not have noticed, is that we had to reconstruct both eardrums and some of your inner ear on each side as well which has restored your ability to hear higher frequencies and the slight hearing loss you suffered after Elysium. While we were reconstructing your face, we also reinforced your entire skull both with bio-synthetic plating and heavy bone weave. Your spinal column has also been reinforced, jointed titanium plates lined with a layer of impact absorbing foam as well as heavy bone weave cover each vertebra, protecting your spinal column from both impact and compression damage as well as providing rapid healing if they are injured."

Hmm, that was probably why, when Grunt threw her against the wall the day she opened his tank, it hadn't hurt as much as it should have, Shepard realized.

"You already know about the blood scrubbers," Miranda continued her briefing, "Otherwise you wouldn't have survived that batarian bartender trying to poison you on Omega." Shepard grimaced at the reminder that had not been a pleasant experience. It had taken place during the time that her nightmares about Mindoir were at their worst and she had been damn tempted to make the batarian drink his own poisonous concoction. Fortunately... well, maybe not fortunately for the batarian, but fortunately for her... a turian who had overheard her angry confrontation with the bartender had shot the bastard, removing the temptation for her to do something less than civilized to him.

"Originally they were meant to help compensate for the fact that you no longer have a spleen," Miranda's voice brought her back to the present. "It ruptured, probably upon impact. We replaced it with the standard blood reserve injection pump that activates if your blood pressure drops suddenly." The black haired woman raised an eyebrow at her, "By the way, the blood scrubbers we used in you are not standard. They are prototypes designed to neutralize most known poisons and toxins. Regular blood scrubbers might not have saved your life, so I'm glad I used the prototype ones."

Shepard's lips twitched, "And here I thought you were just trying to ruin my one of my favorite things to do on shore leave."

Miranda smirked at her, "Going to a bar and drinking? No, not intentionally. I'm afraid you'll just have to live with enjoying the taste and not the effects," she advised.

Shepard thought the black haired woman didn't appear very apologetic at all. "That's part of the point you know," she complained.

"I do understand that," Miranda admitted. "However, given that you've already been poisoned once and then repeatedly exposed to toxic gas during one of your excursions, I'm glad I used them. And they're staying in," she added sternly.

Shepard raised an eyebrow at the response, from the way the other woman was acting you would think she was purposefully trying to get herself into these situations. "I wasn't saying they should come out," she responded mildly, "I just wish they were a little less enthusiastic about scrubbing any alcohol out of my system."

Miranda actually appeared to be giving it some consideration. Then she frowned and shook her head, "Sorry Commander, not without impairing their general functioning."

Shepard sighed, "Ah well." She leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms casually across her chest. There was one thing that Miranda hadn't touched on yet. "What about my reflexes?" She knew she wasn't just imagining that she seemed quicker to react than she had before her death.

"That was unexpected," Miranda admitted after a moment, "because we hadn't done anything to specifically improve your reflexes." Shepard frowned, confused, but before she could interrupt with a question, the other woman continued. "However, after a little research, I believe I have an explanation for it. The delay between a physical stimulus and our reaction to it has many causes; the actual time for the nerve impulse to reach the brain is very short, and about the same for every race. Your general level of physical conditioning and the ability to be physically ready for action and yet keep your muscles relaxed is another factor." Miranda waved one hand in her direction, "I suspect you were very good at that before your death and that it hasn't changed."

"The greatest difference, however," the other woman continued her explanation, "and the greatest source of delay in reaction speed, is actually in the brain. The rapidity with which it processes the information and initiates your reaction, and that's where I think the answer lies. Your increased reflexes seem to be an unexpected side effect from the drell neurochemicals. The increase in long term potentiation and your eidetic memory seem to have combined and given you the ability to make those decisions noticeably faster than before. It's also probably the reason the drell have a reputation for being extremely quick and agile as well."

That hadn't been quite the answer Shepard expected. "So my brain is able to process the information faster?" She asked after a few seconds, trying to make sure she understood what the black-haired woman had just told her.

Miranda nodded, "Faster, and you now have an enhanced spacial recall due to your eidetic memory. I imagine that remembering where everything and everyone is in your immediate area helps you quite a bit when it comes to deciding what to do next during combat."

That actually made a lot of sense, and it was true she did have a better sense of her surroundings now because of her memory. At any time she could close her eyes and know where everything was that she had seen. "So, is there anything else I should know about?"

Miranda nodded, "There are other cybernetic systems throughout your body, mostly compensating for any lost organ functionality, which was minor by the way, and helping to support the health of your organs." The black haired woman made a gesture with her hand as if she was tossing something down on her desk, "And that's it unless you want more detailed information about something."

"No that's fine," Shepard responded after a moment, "Thank you for the explanation." After spending so much time purposefully avoiding learning this information, Shepard felt a bit bemused and embarrassed by the fact that finding out exactly what had been done to her wasn't really proving to be much of a traumatic experience. Maybe it was just the fact that she had almost three months now to get used to the idea, and that none of what she had just learned really came as a surprise to her. True, she hadn't known exactly what had been done to get her back on her feet, but she had correctly guessed the basic outlines of it. That took a lot of the shock value out of learning the specifics. She uncrossed her arm and prepared to leave so that Miranda could get back to doing whatever it was the woman had been doing before she came in and interrupted her.

"Why did you give me that book?" the black haired woman asked before Shepard could get up from the chair.

An answer, besides the obvious one that she was trying to win Miranda's loyalty away from the Illusive Man, came to mind in a flash of memory.

_She sees the silhouette of a woman seated in a dark limousine. A very fit and tanned young man gets out of the driver's seat and comes around to open her door, his manner respectful. He is dressed in dark slacks and a form fitting white shirt. The silver and onyx choker around his neck gleams faintly from the light of the streetlamp. His outfit is tasteful and clearly meant to show off his muscular build. The dark haired woman allows him to help her out of the car, taking his hand as if he is being honored by her acceptance. She is wearing a calf length leather coat that hides whatever is underneath. Only her black leather stiletto boots are visible. Her movements as she swings her legs over and places her stiletto boot shod feet on the pavement and then rise are graceful and elegant. She stands there in the darkness, pale skin, long dark hair, skillfully applied makeup that accentuates her cheekbones and dark eyes. She is poised, regal…sensual, and yet with an unmistakable aura of command. It is an unusual combination._

Amanda's gaze had been drawn to the car, the young man and the woman exiting it as soon as he opened car door. She tried to deconstruct what she was seeing as she had been taught. Tried to discern the different pieces that made up the whole, but besides the obvious elements of the woman's movement, stance and dress, it eluded her. It was something more than the way the woman was standing, or what she was wearing, or her expression, or the way she held herself, though they were all a part of it. Perhaps feeling the weight of her curious stare the woman's head turned her way, their gazes met. Wary awareness and powerful attraction shot though Amanda, causing the skin on her arms to tingle, her mouth to dry, and her stomach to tighten. The immediate attraction was more intense and purely visceral than she had ever felt before from a mere glance shared with another. It was disconcerting, and she was very aware that she was trading stares with a very powerful and sensual woman.

Shepard broke herself out of the memory with a slight shake of her head. Miranda was staring at her, waiting for an answer with a slightly puzzled expression. She met the other woman's gaze evenly, "Because to command others you must first understand and command yourself. When you do let others command you, it must be because it is your conscious choice and not because you've let yourself be manipulated into the situation either by someone or by events."

Really, Shepard silently rebuked herself; she should make a point of remembering those words of wisdom from Leonora more often. Especially since she had recently been questioning exactly how much loyalty she owed either the Alliance or the Council. She had agreed to become a Spectre, but she knew the process had been rushed first by the death of Nihlus and then secondly by the necessity of stopping Saren. She had let herself be placed in a situation where she had two separate chains of command each trying to give her orders. Unsurprisingly, that had turned out to be a no win scenario for her, and she should have addressed it as soon as she recognized what was happening, but she hadn't. Instead she had let events control her, thinking she could resolve the issue later. Then she had died.

"You learned that in the Academy?" Miranda stated, obviously expecting that her answer would be a yes.

Should she or should she not? In this case, telling the truth would probably deliver its own reward, Miranda's reaction to it. Shepard doubted even Cerberus' poking into the details of her life had uncovered this part of her past. She had taken great pains to keep this part of her life hidden, knowing it would jeopardize her career given the conservative nature of some of her commanders and the general difficulty all males had with separating the idea of a woman being sensual and a woman commanding them, and because it was truly none of their business. Now it was just a part of her past, and she had all but made up her mind to leave the Alliance anyway. "No, from a Dominatrix I met during a summer break while I was still in the Academy." The stunned and slightly shocked expression on the other woman's face after her statement registered was hilarious, and Shepard just had to chuckle.

Miranda's eyes narrowed suspiciously, "You're joking."

Shepard smirked, and shook her head, "No, I'm not."

"How?" the black haired woman looked and sounded flabbergasted by the surprise revelation.

Shepard couldn't help but chuckle at her once again, "You know, I was young and twenty at one point in my life." She reminded the other woman.

Miranda gave her a look, "And you're so much older now."

Shepard sighed, her mood immediately weighted down once again, "Some days I feel it, finding out about the Reapers changed me. It's hard to think of club hopping and doing things on dares just because it might lead to something interesting."

Miranda's expression turned grim, "True," she agreed. After several seconds, her expression lightened and she eyed the Commander speculatively, "So you were club hopping during summer break and went into an S&amp;M club on a dare?"

Shepard gave her a wry smile, "That's fairly close to what actually happened. We had a few weeks off during summer break. A few friends and I went into New York City to go club hopping. They were trying to decide what bar to go to next when this black limousine pulled up nearby and this woman got out of it. I didn't even realize that she was a Dominatrix at the time. I was just trying to figure out how she was managing to project such an air of both sensuality and command so strongly. My friends noticed me eyeing her and dared me to go up and talk to her."

"And you did," Miranda stated, looking fascinated with the tale.

"I did," Shepard confirmed. "I politely introduced myself and asked her how she managed to project such a command presence. I think my friends didn't really expect me to do it."

Miranda inquired, "And that was her answer?"

"No, she didn't answer my question then," Shepard shook her head. "She studied me for a few seconds, and then asked if I were military. I informed her I was off for the summer out of the Academy and after a few more questions about what I had observed she invited me into the club with her if I really wanted to learn."

"You learned how to be a Dominatrix?" Miranda asked in disbelief, her blue eyes wide in astonishment.

Shepard laughed. "I wouldn't say that," she demurred, "but I did learn quite a few things. It was a fascinating experience, and she was right I did learn a lot from her about the nature of command. That it's essential to be in command of yourself before you try and command others, and that you must prove yourself worthy and deserving of your followers' trust in you with your every action. That when you're asking them to trust you with their lives, they have the right to know that you won't abuse that trust and that you value them."

Miranda just stared at her searchingly for a few seconds, finally the black haired woman shook her head, "And to think I thought I knew everything about you."

Shepard had to smile at that. "It's impossible to know everything about someone, people will surprise you."

"Is that another pearl of wisdom from her?" Miranda asked with a raised brow.

Shepard shook her head, "No, that's something I've noticed on my own." Hopefully the Illusive Man was making the same mistake, thinking that he could look at her actions and know who she was and what she was thinking. What was it Thane had said? Ah yes, the measure of an individual can be difficult to tell from actions alone. How very true.

"That true I guess," Miranda commented, her expression thoughtful as she stared at the Commander. "I'm not quite through with that book you recommended, but I'm close. Did you have other recommendations?"

"Next would be the classics, Sun-Tuz's The Art of War," Shepard noticed Miranda smiling at that choice, "and Hersey and Blanchard's Situational Leadership."

"I've read The Art of War," Miranda commented, "but not the other."

"It's a few hundred years old, but it's still useful information," Shepard explained. "It emphasizes that there is no one best leadership style, instead effective leadership varies based on the individual and task in question. The end goal of Hersey's leadership theory is to develop high levels of competence, commitment, and self-motivation in your subordinates."

"So more practical theory rather than philosophy," Miranda questioned.

Shepard nodded, "Yes, and still as useful and relevant as when it was written, which is why it's still on the Academy reading list." The two of them stared at each other for a moment, the Spectre really had nothing else she wanted to say and from her XO's continuing silence it was evident that Miranda didn't either. "Well, if you have any questions about what you're reading let me know."

Blue eyes narrowed on her for a moment, a look Shepard bore patiently, knowing that Miranda was trying to figure out just where they stood with one another now and what she was trying to accomplish with this. The black-haired woman stared at her, her eyes hardening and Shepard could only guess that the other woman had remembered why she wasn't happy with the Commander right now, "And would you give me a completely honest answer if I did?"

"That would depend on whether I thought such honesty would set you back in your progress toward being a competent leader or not," Shepard replied with the honesty Miranda had asked for, even though she knew it would simply exacerbate the issue.

Miranda looked dumbfounded by her answer for a second or two, and then her eyes narrowed in anger. Her nostrils flared as she took in a deep breath to grit out, "Why are you doing this?"

"So that you have the knowledge and understanding you need to make a choice about the direction your life will go from here. And when you do make it, it will be with your eyes wide open and of your own free will without anyone manipulating you into it," Shepard stated calmly.

"You don't call what you're doing manipulation?" Miranda's voice actually rose a bit towards the end of her question.

"You can always choose to not read anything I suggest you read," Shepard offered. "Choose to let things remain as they are; keep the status quo." Shepard knew full well that Miranda Lawson would not be happy with the current status quo, not now that her eyes had been opened to the similarities in how the Illusive Man was treating her and how her father had treated her.

"Right," the single word carried a wealth of angry bitterness.

Shepard inclined her head, acknowledging Miranda's right to her less than charitable feelings toward her for making her aware of what was going on. As she had mused to herself earlier, knowledge was often not particularly blissful. "As I said earlier, to command others you must first understand and command yourself. You can't do that when you're unaware of how you are letting other's command you."

Miranda's hands resting on top of her desk clenched and she glared at Shepard, but conspicuously she didn't deny that the Illusive Man was manipulating her. "You're never going to willingly work for Cerberus are you?"

The question came out of nowhere, surprising Shepard. Though perhaps it wasn't out of nowhere she realized after a second and was a continuation of their discussion a few days ago. Just as quickly, Shepard decided it didn't really matter whether this was a part of their earlier discussion or not, to answer or not to answer, to tell the truth or to lie, were the choices facing her now. To respond truthfully or to remain silent were essentially the same answer for she knew how Miranda would take her silence. Lying wasn't really an option for several reasons, not in the least of which was that Shepard doubted the black-haired woman would actually believe her if she did try to claim she would work for Cerberus. Perhaps then it would be best for her to take this opportunity to explain why she wouldn't work for them. It might even help her gain some ground with the other woman; at the very least she might plant some well needed seeds of doubt. She just hoped that Miranda kept her own office free of recording devices. Decision made, Shepard finally spoke up, "No, I believe that whatever the Illusive Man's plans, they jeopardize our chances of uniting the galaxy to fight against the Reapers and will get us all killed."

"The Council and the Alliance aren't doing anything, only Cerberus is, why can't you see that?" Miranda both sounded and looked frustrated with her.

Shepard leaned forward, placing her hands on Miranda's desk, "Do you really think the Illusive Man doesn't possess enough information to persuade the Council that the Reapers actually exist?" She couldn't quite keep the note of scorn out of her tone as her own temper heated up. "Less than half of Sovereign's wreckage was accounted for by official salvage crews. You don't think that Cerberus ended up with some of the over half that went missing?" Shepard found it quite telling that the Cerberus operative went still and just for a split second her gaze flickered uneasily away before returning. Miranda frowned at her, and Shepard frowned back at the other woman, her expression turning stern. "The Reapers are too serious a threat to play who gets to come out on top at the end game with, Miranda," she said, her tone grim. "Our goal right now should be survival, nothing more and nothing less, because the Reapers are deadly serious about killing every last one of us. Annihilation. Extinction. Genocide. Use what word you will for being wiped out to the last man, woman, and child, but the Reapers mean to do just that to us." Miranda stared at her, her expression showing her consternation at what Shepard had just said.

The Illusive Man and Miranda claimed to know about the Reapers, but did they really understand the extent of the threat they faced in the sentient machines? Shepard well knew the difference between knowing something in your mind and knowing something in your heart and gut. After having the beacon message burned into her mind, after speaking to Sovereign, she knew the threat in her mind, heart and gut. Shepard's will hardened; perhaps Miranda needed a taste of that knowledge as well.

She stared the black-haired woman seated on the other side of the desk from her directly in the eyes, her face set into a hard, chiseled expression, and her light grey eyes narrowed. "A little over 50,000 years ago the Prothean Empire spanned the entire galaxy, and then as now, the seat of their government was at the Citadel. One Reaper left behind from the last cycle of extinction sent a signal to the Citadel causing the keepers to activate the dormant relay to dark space. Hundreds of Reaper ships began pouring through the Citadel Relay, they wiped out the Prothean fleet stationed there, locked down the entire mass relay system so that only they could use the relays, and killed everyone on the Citadel. The Reapers searched through the records and census data stored at the Citadel and learned about every prothean world. Where they were located, how many protheans lived on each of them, what were their defensive and offensive capabilities."

"Then, armed with that knowledge, the Reaper fleet began going world by world. Their fleets darkened the skies, and clouds of seekers came out of them. On some worlds, they captured the protheans and indoctrinated them, and then sent as refugees to other prothean worlds. Once taken in the indoctrinated sabotaged their defenses and betrayed their own people to the Reapers. On other worlds the seeker swarms didn't paralyze, instead they ripped the protheans apart, killing absolutely everyone. The Reapers continued this for almost three hundred years, methodically eradicating the prothean race from the galaxy and wiping out all traces of their civilization except for the ruins we see today. And then they left back though the Citadel relay, back into dark space to hibernate and wait for another cycle, leaving their indoctrinated slaves behind to die from starvation and exposure because they were no longer able to even care for themselves." Shepard noted that Miranda looked more than a little disturbed at her little history lesson, but it wasn't over yet.

"Only the Reapers didn't know about Ilos and the dozen researchers that still survived there. Those last remaining protheans sacrificed their lives so that Sovereign couldn't just send a signal to the Citadel and begin the next cycle of extinction. They made it so that Sovereign had to physically interface with the station to open the relay to dark space. They're the only reason the invasion didn't just begin without us having any advance warning, and even with that, Sovereign almost succeeded. If I had been another ten or fifteen minutes in making it to the tower, Saren and Sovereign would have activated the relay." Shepard paused for a moment, let that sink in. She knew it had from the way Miranda paled. "Right now the prothean's fate would be ours. Every solar system cut off from all the others, every world waiting in terror for their executioners to come for them."

Shepard let that statement hang in the air for a moment before continuing, "Harbinger is out there right now trying to find a way to open the Citadel Relay, never sleeping, never tiring in its search. It's one and only goal to find a way to get the fleet of Reaper ships from dark space into this galaxy and kill us. And the Illusive Man and Cerberus are pissing around playing fucking King of the Mountain instead of making sure we have the best possible chance of surviving." Keeping from raising her voice was not easy, but Shepard did it because she didn't want EDI noticing this conversation.

Miranda flushed, reddish color crawling up her cheeks as she scowled, "We are not as you say, pissing around playing King of the Mountain." Shepard had to admire how the black-haired woman could sound hoity-toity and offended as she strived to keep her voice down as well. Obviously, neither one of them wanted this argument interrupted. "We brought you back to stop the Collectors, and to stop the Reapers."

Shepard shook her head in disbelief that the other woman had even said that, "I'm good, but I'm not that good. We need to unite the races; we need to start researching and building better ship weapons and armor. Every Council and Alliance ship should have the same armor, weapons and shielding as the Normandy or better, because we have to defeat _hundreds_ of ships just like Sovereign. Right now if Harbinger were to find a way to open the Citadel relay we would have no chance of going up against the Reapers and winning. Are you really one hundred percent certain that the Illusive Man isn't using this situation to further humanity at the expense of everyone else and at the expense of our safety? That he doesn't have hard proof that the Reapers exist which he's keeping from the Alliance and the Council? "

She went on before Miranda could come up with any rebuttal. "The Illusive Man claims he's willing to do everything necessary to win, but I believe that's a lie. I believe that he's willing to risk everything in his bid to make sure humanity comes out on top at the end. But in doing so now, against the Reapers..." Shepard shook her head, her mouth curving downward in disapproval, her expression one of contempt, "he's risking humanity's very existence, your existence, Oriana's existence and the existence of every other space faring race. The lives of billions. And for what? How exactly is humanity being so mistreated by the other races that it's worth risking our very existence and their very existence because of it?" She questioned the other woman, belatedly aware that sometime during her carefully modulated, but passionate speech, she had risen out of her chair and was now leaning across her XO's desk.

Miranda stared up at her, she rose from her own chair and leaned forward until their faces were only feet apart, her expression set in angry lines, "The Illusive Man wouldn't risk humanity's existence." She exclaimed, keeping her voice low but no less vehement for the lack of volume.

"Are you completely sure of that?" Shepard immediately shot back, "Because I'm not, I think he's got his own agenda that he's willing to risk anything, to do anything, to achieve."

Shepard saw the hesitation, the momentary flicker of uncertainty in the other woman's' blue eyes. It was time to throw down her last card in this hand, time to drive home to the heart what they were fighting for and against. "Nothing is more important to me than stopping the Reapers. I live with images in my mind of the protheans holding onto their loved ones in desperation. Their heads lifted to the sky asking their Creators why this was happening to them; begging for deliverance, begging for mercy for themselves and their wives and husbands and children. Mercy and deliverance which never came, and they faltered and despaired that their Creators existed, or if they did, that they cared about their mortal children." The images, the feelings of utter despair flowing though her mind, Shepard's voice did falter then. Her own belief was strong, but she understood only too well why they had fallen into despair and doubt.

Tearing her mind away from those images, she refocused on the woman now staring at her in dismay? astonishment? It was hard to tell, but seemed to be both. Maybe this had been the wrong thing to do, maybe Miranda now thought she was just as unhinged as most of the Council. Still, maybe it wasn't that, she could only hope that the other woman was still listening and wasn't discounting what she was trying to tell her. Shepard's gaze dropped to the desk between them, at their hands flat upon it, each on either side, separated by a few feet of space. Somehow she had to bridge the gap between them, make the other woman understand. She lifted her head, raising her eyes to meet Miranda's gaze once again. "I live with the knowledge of how it feels to know that your entire race has been wiped out of existence. I live with that despair and anguish and grief haunting my dreams and living in the back of my mind…always. The beacon message constantly beats out its grim warning of exactly what is at stake here whenever my thoughts turn toward it."

"The beacon message wasn't just information; it was a recording of an actual prothean's thoughts," there was startled realization in the other woman's tone. A crease between her dark brows betrayed her disturbed thoughts and there was an expression of concern upon her face.

Shepard nodded; whoever had recorded that message had let their emotions seep into it despite the strong prothean cultural prohibition against doing that, and she suspected it was because their emotions had simply been too strong for them to block out. The emotion in the message wasn't at the forefront, but a constant quiet wail of pain and despair that lay underneath, and which was all the more haunting and heartbreaking for it. "I will not let what happened to the Protheans happen again, not this time. Not to any of us." Shepard could feel the tension of the muscles in her jaw, heard in her own hard voice her determination and conviction.

Miranda's eyes widened and the other woman straightened, creating more space between them. "I understand Commander," there was respect in her tone. Maybe she hadn't royally screwed this up after all, the thought passed fleetingly though Shepard's mind. "But Cerberus is not standing in your way; the Illusive Man understands what's at stake, give him a chance to prove it to you."

"I'll be honest with you, given what I've seen of Cerberus in the past, he's got an uphill battle to even prove to me that he actually has humanity's best interest in mind. Akuze, Chasca, Listening Posts Theta and Alpha, Admiral Kahoku, Jack… as near as I can tell Cerberus is just as dangerous to humans as any pirate or slave raider group." Shepard held up a hand to forestall the protest she could see Miranda was ready to make, "I know you're going to say rogue project, but there's a hell of a lot of projects that he has to keep claiming are going rogue. At some point it either points to a consistent pattern of failure on his part or a consistent pattern of Cerberus projects that he would have rather no one found out about. I know which of the two I believe right now."

"He resurrected you; he's doing what's necessary to stop the Collectors," Miranda defended, "What more proof do you need?"

"Him offering solid proof I can present to the Council to make them believe that the Reapers exist and are a threat. Until he shows me he's willing to do what it takes to get the other races onboard to fight the Reapers, there's nothing you can say to make me believe that he understands how deadly serious the situation we're facing is." Shepard couldn't think of a simpler way to state her requirement.

Miranda stared at her, her expression turning somber. She sat back down in her chair. "You never lose sight of what we're really fighting do you?"

Shepard followed suit, sitting down as well. "No," she replied, "this is only the second battle of what are likely to be many. The Reapers won't quit trying until we've destroyed them all or they've destroyed us." Both of them were silent for a moment, and then Shepard asked, "So what are you going to tell the Illusive Man about our discussion?"

Miranda studied her for several seconds, her expression still somber. Finally she responded, "What you told me, that from the information in the beacon message you believe we will be facing hundreds of Reaper ships at a minimum. Your tactical appraisal is that we will need a unified response from both humanity and the other Council races to have any hope of defeating them. And that that includes upgrading all ships at a minimum to Normandy standards, as well as researching further weapons, armor and shielding technologies to give us more of an edge against them as well as building up a larger fleet. I will tell him that you are fully committed to doing whatever it takes to stop the Reapers. As for your lack of trust in him, he already knows about that and expected it."

Shepard nodded; she found what Miranda was choosing to tell and to not tell her boss, very interesting. "By the way, I'd appreciate it if you kept what I told you earlier to yourself. I told you about the Dominatrix I met, not Kelly and definitely not the Illusive Man."

Again Miranda stared at her for a few seconds, then she nodded, "It's an intriguing piece of information, but we already knew you were a gifted leader. We just didn't know about the variety of your teachers," the black-haired woman commented dryly causing Shepard to smile in amusement. "You don't trust Kelly Chambers do you?"

Shepard shook her head, "Not really, she didn't impress me when we first spoke and she's not done anything to change my initial impression of her."

The black-haired woman steepled her fingers together and then carefully questioned, "May I ask what she did?"

Shepard's eyebrow rose, and she smirked, "Told me that she knew when she first saw me that she could close her eyes, fall back and know I'd be there."

Miranda winced and sighed, "Alright, I understand perfectly Commander." For the first time, the two of them shared a glance of complete accord.

Shepard rose, "Well, I'm going to go talk to Thane about controlling my memories. See if he has any suggestions about how to make sure they don't pop up at the least appropriate moments."

"That sounds like a good idea, he is a drell," Miranda commented after her surprise passed.

"My thoughts exactly," agreed Shepard rising from the chair, "have a good rest of the afternoon Miranda."

"You too Commander," the black-haired woman responded.

Shepard exited her XO's office, and breathed a sigh of relief. That had went much better than she could have expected, and she seemed to have parted on a warmer note with her XO than the chilly reception with which she had been greeted. That was definitely a positive. Also, she now knew that Miranda did actually trust her; otherwise the woman wouldn't have been so open about her emotions and doubts with her in there.

She proceeded around the walkway, glancing over toward the mess area on her left as she walked past and taking an exploratory sniff of the air. Whatever Rupert was preparing for dinner tonight smelled delicious and spicy… Chinese? It did have that type of aroma to it. Of course for all she knew, it could be another asari or drell recipe that he had adapted. That might be amusing, the last one of those she had caught Samara giving the dish an odd look as if the justicar couldn't quite decide whether she approved of Rupert's alterations or not. Shepard had thought it tasted quite good, but she could understand the asari's reaction. From the name of the dish, Samara had probably been expecting a familiar taste and had gotten something rather different.

She passed around behind the elevator and paused outside of the Life Support entryway. She knew she really should have visited Thane before this, especially after the unprofessional behavior during the drell's in briefing by Mr. Taylor. It still amazed her that the man hadn't expected the reprimand and discussion that followed as soon as Thane Krios had left the Briefing room. She was a patient woman in most circumstances, but she was tired of Taylor creating friction and distrust between himself and any recruit of which he didn't personally approve. If he had issues with the Illusive Man's choices, he could take them up with the Cerberus leader himself, but he had no business airing them in front of the person in question. Shepard found it especially disappointing given that he had asked her to overlook his own involvement with Cerberus and give him a chance to prove his trustworthiness instead of judging him solely by his current association with them. Pointing that out to him had been the one thing that seemed to have finally gotten through to him, and Taylor had finally agreed that he should extend the same courtesy to Mr. Krios.

She reached out, pressed the entry lock, opening the door and entered, looking around the area curiously. A desk and a single bed had been fitted into the space. Thane was seated at the desk staring out the plexiglass window over the drive core. He didn't move or even acknowledge her presence as she entered. Shepard walked closer, wondering what about the drive core held his attention so fixedly. It wasn't the drive core; she noted his clasped hands as she came up to the desk, he was praying, as he had over Nassana Dantius' body. She softly cleared her throat, hoping he wouldn't consider her intrusion and interruption of his prayers rude.

That caused him to stir, "Shepard, do you need something?" he inquired. His voice was intriguing, deep and with a rumbling tonal quality she couldn't quite describe. It was definitely unique.

"Sorry I haven't stopped by sooner," she apologized, "I wanted to see how you were doing, and if you needed anything else to make this space livable."

"No, what I have is quite sufficient," he turned slightly toward her. "Your Kelly Chambers has been very helpful."

She bit back the dry 'I bet,' comment she wanted to make, undoubtedly she'd get to hear about how attractive Kelly found Thane the next time she crossed paths with her Yeoman. "That's good," she replied instead. "Do you have time for us to talk now?" she still wasn't sure if she had interrupted his prayers or meditation, or whatever it was he had been doing when she entered.

"Certainly, we haven't had a chance since I joined," the drell responded.

Shepard wanted to ask him why he was dying, but how exactly should she bring the subject up. Suddenly she was getting a very good idea of why no one seemed to be too eager to discuss her death with her. She closed her eyes for a second, a faintly bitter smile hovering on her lips. One thing she didn't like was someone who danced around the subject with her. She looked over at Thane, "On Illium, you told me you were dying."

"Yes, I thought you'd want to know more," he said quietly. "I have what is called Kepral's Syndrome."

Shepard listened as the drell explained, his race had developed on an arid world, but the hanar home world, Kahje, was very humid. Drell lungs, adapted for a dry hot environment did not deal well with the humidity, eventually losing their ability to take in oxygen. Eventually he would suffocate, his lungs unable to take in enough oxygen even though he was surrounded by plenty of breathable air. The dark irony of it didn't escape her; Thane would suffer the same death as she, though under vastly different circumstances.

"They can't do anything about it?" she asked quietly.

"The hanar have funded a genetic engineering program. They should be able to adapt us. The project has only been running for a few years. I don't believe my body will still draw breath by the time it bears fruit," he calmly stated.

"How long do you have?" Should he even be on this mission, Shepard wondered.

"I should be fine for another eight to twelve months," he responded. "The more time I spend in humid environments, the faster it progresses. I think it's safe to say that by the time my body is incapacitated we will either be victorious, or dead. Either way I won't be a burden to you."

"That wasn't my concern," Shepard responded with a frown, staring at his back. "Is this area dry enough for you?"

Now he did turn toward her, "Yes, the air quality is dry enough not to worsen my condition."

Shepard stared at him, wondering how to broach the other subject she had come here to talk with him about other than his illness and sufficiency of his living conditions. "Good," she responded absently.

He turned far enough toward her that she could finally see both of his inky dark eyes. They stared at one another. "There was something else Commander?"

She sucked in a deep breath, fortifying herself for the upcoming conversation. "Yes there was actually. I thought maybe you could help me with something." He merely continued watching her. "Two years ago a Collector ship destroyed the original Normandy. I was spaced, and the breathing apparatus of my hardsuit was damaged by some debris from the ship." From the way the drell's body stiffened, she knew she didn't really need to say anything else. "Cerberus managed to acquire my body and began the process of rebuilding and repairing the damage to it. It took them several months, and in the meantime they needed a way to maintain my neural pathways, so they flooded my neural tissues with synthetic drell neurochemicals." That produced some rapid blinking from him in reaction, though he didn't interrupt her. "It's permanently altered my memories of events prior to my death, and affected the formation of my memories afterward."

It took him but a moment to understand, "You now possess an eidetic memory."

Shepard nodded, "My memories are very vivid, sometimes I get caught up in them when I didn't mean to and definitely don't want to," she admitted.

"Ah," it was a sound with a wealth of understanding behind it. He settled back in his chair, still watching her thoughtfully, "you want to know how I control when the memories take me over."

That was a very good description of what happened, Shepard mused. "I've been trying to concentrate only on the here and now when I'm on a mission. That seems to help, but when I'm not focused on it…"

Thane nodded, "Sometimes you cannot control them, something will trigger one and it will take you over." Shepard didn't bother to hide her grimace at that; she had been hoping Thane would know a way to prevent that from ever happening again. "I understand that was not what you wanted to hear," Thane said, seeing her expression, "but it is better to face the reality of the possibility than for it to surprise you one day."

She reached up and rubbed her face, "No, that's already happened once. If Garrus hadn't moved so fast to knock me down I'd have been dead…again," she added, with a wryly grim twist of her lips.

The drell blinked once in reaction to her comment, the thick outer lids of his liquid dark eyes shuttering them and then opening, and then he nodded. "I find that meditation and putting into perspective those of your memories which trouble you the most to be of assistance," he advised. "Otherwise it is more likely they will trouble you at a time of their own choosing."

More meditation, wonderful, at this rate she was going to be spending a few hours a day at it. "Alright," Shepard agreed with a small sigh of resignation.

Thane was quiet for a moment and then he offered, "If you feel yourself beginning to get caught up in a memory and do not wish to, focus on something in your environment, then switch focus randomly until the memory is no longer as strong within your mind."

She already did something like that, by focusing on something or someone in her vicinity, but she hadn't tried switching her focus randomly. It sounded as if that would work better. "I'll try that, thanks."

"I have never heard of a human with an eidetic memory before," the drell commented to her.

"It happens naturally in a few humans, but it's extremely rare and often associated with a specific type of autism." Shepard had looked all this up after learning what had happened to her memories. "Also, I've never heard of them having problems with triggering events. That's usually part of another issue in humans called flashbacks, related to post traumatic stress disorder." Her memories of her mother's death could almost be called flashbacks, but she had thankfully never quite had such a severe issue with them. Probably in thanks to the psychological counseling her grandmother had insisted upon her getting as soon as she arrived from Mindoir.

Thane clasped his hands together in front of him, "These flashbacks are considered a psychological disorder in humans?"

Shepard nodded, "Yes, usually associated with a traumatic event or series of them." She hesitated for a moment and then volunteered, "I have noticed that the memories that I've had problems with are ones that have strong emotional content or associations, but they aren't necessarily traumatic."

Thane nodded, "Yes, that is true for me as well. The more emotional the memory the stronger it is, which is why I suggested meditating on those memories to decrease the chance of their being triggered by an external stimulus." He fell silent, his countenance thoughtful. After a moment he said, "Many drell consider our memories a gift and enjoy remembering events in our lives."

If only so many of her memories weren't tied in her mind to traumatic events, that would be more easily true for her as well Shepard reflected. However, thoughts about her parents usually led to remembering their deaths, and thoughts of Liara to their breakup. There were memories not related to either Mindoir or Liara that she wouldn't mind reliving a second time, Shepard determinedly reminded herself. There had been plenty of happy moments in her life both before and after the batarian raid. Memories of her time with Mistress Leonora would certainly be both useful and very pleasant to recall, Shepard reminded herself thinking of the woman she had mentioned to Miranda. Well...most of them were pleasant, she amended that thought, but all of them had definitely been learning experiences. Also there was yesterday and the rachni Queen's messages, just allowing her thoughts to briefly touch upon her memory of the message from the Queen which Rayna had passed onto her during their meld both warmed and comforted Shepard. That was definitely a memory she would cherish. She looked over at the drell, "I can understand that," she replied. "I'm adapting to the change. It's just very different from how my memories were before."

Thane bowed his head over his clasped hands and was silent for several seconds. Finally he said, "I find it difficult to imagine such a drastic change to my mind. One's thoughts define who one is. Do you find that you feel disconnected from who you were before because of this?" he questioned curiously.

Shepard had to smile a little at his question; she had gone over this very question in her own mind so many times. "Yes and no, I still have all of my memories. I still feel and believe about things and in things, as I did before my death. I know I am still Amanda Shepard. But you are correct; there is a definite perception change because of the difference in my memories. There is a disconnect as you say between before and now, but honestly it's just one of many." He nodded at her answer. She waited a second, wondering if he had any more questions, but he remained silent. Getting the feeling that it might be time to bring the conversation to a close and leave him to his meditations, Shepard said, "Thank you for your suggestions, Thane."

"I hope I have helped," the drell replied, "I will consider what else I know that might assist your adaptation to your memories."

"I'd appreciate that," she responded. She waited for a second longer to see if he had anything else he wanted to bring up. When he remained silent, she turned and walked back to the room's entrance and exited. Shepard looked over toward her right, at the door to the Starboard Observation room where Samara was undoubtedly meditating. Right now, talking to the asari seemed like a much better idea than returning to her room to begin a solitary meditation.

"Shepard," Samara greeted her as soon as the door closed behind her and she took a few steps into the room.

Curious, Shepard questioned, "How do you know..." she stopped as she realized she knew the answer. "My aura."

"Yes," she could hear the amusement in the asari's tone as the biotic field around the justicar brightened briefly and then faded away. Samara lowered her arms, and turned her head slightly so that she could see the human out of the corner of her eye.

Shepard walked over to stand in front of the observation window, staring out at the stars for a second before turning to face the asari. "Mind if I join you for a while?"

"Not at all," with a graceful gesture, the justicar motioned for her to take a seat on the floor nearby.

Thanks," Shepard said as she lowered herself to the floor. She slipped off her shoes, set them beside her and folded her legs into a lotus posture, matching the asari's. "I was talking to Thane," Shepard said to the asari, "He had some suggestions on how to control my memories." Pale blue eyes focused on her in interest, and she began retelling what Thane had told her. Shepard had thought Samara would be interested in this given the asari's concern a few days ago about her getting caught up in her memories.

Ten minutes later both human and asari were meditating. Shepard found the slight sound of Samara's biotics as the asari resumed her own meditations reassuring. She knew that if she got caught up in a memory, the asari would help bring her out of it. She trusted Samara.

Not that trusting someone was unusual for Shepard, because it wasn't; it was the depth of trust that was unusual given how recently she and the justicar had met. She trusted Samara with the secrets of her mind to help her search for the prothean memories locked away, and with the secret of the rachni. She trusted the asari with her back in a fight; the justicar's biotics and combat ability were both formidable. In the past few days, Samara had shown with her actions and her words as well as each additional sensitive issue she was entrusted with keeping, that Shepard's trust in her was well placed. 'Value the justicar,' Detective Anaya had advised her…she did.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The Mass Effect universe is the property of Bioware/Electronic Arts. No infringement of these copyrights is intended as this is a not for profit fan fiction work.
> 
> Warning: none
> 
> Notes: This is inspired by the Beyonce song "Save the Hero," from the album I am…Sasha Fierce. This is an Alternate Universe story. The portrayal of Cerberus in my story is heavily influenced by the contents of the second and third Mass Effect books, Ascension and Retribution.
> 
> Rating: Teen
> 
> Feedback: Always welcome, feedback is what encourages me to keep writing. Please let me know what you like and what you dislike about the story.
> 
> Corrections and Revisions: Yes, please let me know about any errors you see so that I can correct them. This is un-beta'ed so it probably has a few.
> 
> Revision History: 07/19/2010

**Tuchanka**

All her research on Tuchanka and its history hadn't truly prepared her for the reality of it, Shepard thought to herself as she looked out the windows of the Kodiak at the ash laden winds and bombed out shells of buildings in morbid fascination. The planet's surface literally looked like a video or sim director's vision of a post-apocalyptic wasteland. Unfortunately there was a good reason for that...it was a post-apocalyptic wasteland. Four thousand years ago the krogan had used nuclear weapons on each other and the wounds from their use still showed in horrific detail on the surface of their world: bombardment craters, areas of radioactive rubble, ash storms, salt flats and alkaline seas. A reduced albeto meant that the planet reflected very little of its sun's light from its surface, resulting in an average surface temperature of 72 degrees Celsius, well above habitable range even for the krogan. The Council Demilitarization Enforcement Mission, or CDEM, maintained an atmospheric shroud at L1 Lagrange, lowering the surface temperature underneath to a still hot but habitable 36 degrees Celsius. The fact that the only inhabitable region of the planet was underneath the protective cloud cover meant that all the krogan on the planet were located in that one area, and directly underneath the weapons of the CDEM's orbital battlestations.

Accompanying Shepard in the Kodiak were Grunt, Samara and Garrus, who wanted to see how Wrex was doing. Tali had decided to stay on the ship rather than be amongst so many strange krogan. Besides, the young quarian hadn't really known Wrex very well since she had spent almost all of her time in engineering. Shepard was looking forward to seeing the krogan battlemaster once again. Despite their heated discussion on Virmire over the necessity of destroying the genophage, they had parted as good friends after Saren had been killed. The Illusive Man had told her that Wrex was trying to unite the clans, and Shepard was very interested in finding out how his efforts were going this time.

The shuttle started descending, aiming for the opening hatch of an underground shuttle bay. Shepard knew there were very few inhabited buildings on the surface of the planet due to the solar radiation and the radioactive rubble on the planet's surface. Most krogan lived in underground complexes, and Clan Urdnot's was one of the largest. As she exited the Kodiak, Shepard looked around the shuttle bay curiously. The post-apocalyptic theme carried through to here as well, so much so that Shepard almost expected some dark thematic music to start playing in the background as soon as she stepped onto the cracked concrete of the landing pad. Piles of broken concrete from the crumbling surface were mounded around the outer edge of the landing pad itself, and instead of repairing the broken surface steel grating had been thrown down on top of it.

A krogan with a varren lying on the floor beside him, stood near steps leading down from the landing pad. At the bottom of the steps, three more krogan guarded the entrance into the Urdnot complex from the shuttle bay. Shepard led her small procession past the krogan with the varren, down the steps, and toward the door. As she approached two of the krogan's guarding it drew weapons, and the largest of the three stepped toward her. Shepard halted, squaring her shoulders and staring with slightly narrowed eyes at the large krogan in the middle who seemed to be the trio's leader. With a nod toward one of his two fellow guards the krogan indicated that they should put their weapons away.

He stepped closer, Shepard didn't move, meeting his orange colored eyes with a steady and fearless gaze. She knew well enough to only show strength and calm control here. "The clan leader wants to speak with you," the krogan rumbled in a deep voice. He glanced over a Grunt who had come up beside her, "Keep your rutting pet on a short leash." Shepard's eyes narrowed at that, it did give her a rather unexpected indication of what exactly might be wrong with Grunt, but the pet comment irritated her. "Get him the Rite soon, or put him down."

She took a step toward the krogan, "A krogan is no one's pet, and neither is Grunt," she stated loud enough for anyone in the immediate area to hear. Grunt was of her krannt, letting him be insulted without challenging it was not something she would permit. Plus her instincts were telling her that an insult to any one of her team was actually an insult to both her and her other team members. "He has proven himself beside me in battle against the Eclipse and against the Collectors."

Krogan orange eyes stared into human light grey, neither giving any ground or flinching away. "Mmm," the krogan rumbled after a few seconds, and Shepard could hear the undercurrent of approval in the sound. "Go see the clan leader," the large male said again, waving her toward the door with one hand as he stepped out of the way. They passed through; on the other side of the door was a short hallway and then steps leading further down into the complex.

"Someday we'll get off this rock and show those turian's whose boss," Shepard heard a krogan say as she approached the bottom of the staircase. Her thoughts immediately went with concern to the turian with her, the one who had insisted that he should be fine for a short visit so long as he stayed with the group and didn't wander off on his own.

"Damn right," she heard a second krogan voice agree with the first as she reached the bottom of the stairs and stepped out into another hallway. She looked toward her right, toward where she had heard the voice. Standing at the end of hallway, where it dead ended about fifteen feet away, were two krogan and a varren. "Tear off their scales and let the pyjaks feast on them while their still alive," the one who had just spoke continued. Shepard frowned, disturbed by their conversation and the depth of the hatred she could hear in their tones.

"Hah," the other one agreed with a harsh laugh.

Deciding it was probably better to keep moving before these two took notice of them, or rather the turian with them, Shepard turned toward her left. Garrus stood there, looking past her at the two krogan. Their eyes met and she could see the anger and upset in his, but he didn't say anything. She gave him an encouraging look and then headed up the hallway towards the door at its far end. Past that door was a pile of rubble leading up to where an opening had been blasted through a wall.

On the other side she paused, taking in the cavernous area into which they had just entered. Sunlight shone down through large rents in the ceiling above, letting in hot dusty air. Noise echoed in the space, the sounds of activity and deep voiced conversations. Piles of rubble lay everywhere, the largest, off to her right, was directly underneath the opening in the ceiling and appeared to be made up of pieces of the destroyed roof itself. The top of this particular pile of rubble had been flattened and square slabs laid down to form a floor. Four krogan were up there, two of which appeared to be guards given their positioning near the ramp and their ready weapons. As for the remaining two, one was a large male with a sizable shoulder hump seated on what looked like a stone throne while the remaining krogan paced back and forth in front of him. Wrex, Shepard's eyes widened in recognition as she caught a better look at the seated krogan.

She turned and looked back at her three crewmembers following her. Grunt was looking at everything, the cables hanging haphazardly from the ceiling, the piles of rubble, and the krogan standing by what looked like small cooking fires. Certainly they didn't need them for heat; it was already warm enough in here to activate her armor's internal cooling systems.

The young krogan noticed her watching him, "This is the great krogan home world?" he said to her, his tone conveying his disbelief and disillusionment. Shepard didn't say anything, she hadn't quite been expecting this either. "The land of Kredak, Shiagur, and Veeoll?" Grunt continued. He shook his head, "This chunk of rock is barely worth standing upon. Never thought I'd miss the tank."

Something about this picture disturbed her as well. From what she was seeing, the krogan hadn't bothered to rebuild anything since the end of the Krogan Rebellions. Shepard remembered Wrex telling her that too many krogan left their homeworld, became mercenaries, and never came back because they would rather fight than rebuild their race. Was this another example of the nihilism that had gripped the krogan since the release of the genophage? Was this a sign of an underlying conviction that their world wasn't worth rebuilding since it was doomed anyway? If it was, she hoped that Wrex was making some headway against it. Perhaps in another ten or fifteen years there would be some positive change here and the krogan would start caring enough about their future to start rebuilding their world. Refocusing her attention on the young krogan she advised, "Try not to make final judgments from just this Grunt; we've hardly seen anything of Tuchanka yet," the words were as much a reminder to herself as to him.

He stared at her for a moment and then grunted, "Huh." He looked around again and then nodded. Just behind his bulk, she noticed Samara and Garrus also looking around the area. The turian did not look impressed with what he was seeing at all. As for the justicar, her expression was neutral, even remote as if she had no interest in what she was observing, but her pale blue eyes were intent as they examined her surroundings. Shepard had to wonder what thoughts were going through the asari's mind as she looked upon this. She looked back over at the mound of rubble Wrex sat upon, and shook her head at her own thoughts even as she started towards it.

She was at the base of the ramp before the two guards noticed the their approach, and came to intercept them. "Halt!" one of them commanded with an upraised hand. "You must wait till the clan leader summons you. He is…" the krogan turned his head to look behind him and finished, "in talks."

Shepard thought it looked like her old friend was bored out of his mind by whatever the green-crested krogan pacing in front of him was saying. His jaw rested on one upturned hand as he leaned on the armrest of his stone throne and stared at the other krogan. "You know what tradition demands," the krogan pacing back and forth in front of him declared, "Clan Urdnot must respond. Your reforms will not go unopposed. You risk appearing weak at a critical time."

That comment got Wrex's attention; he leaned forward to glare at the other krogan male, his orange eyes following the pacing form. He glanced over at his guards, and their eyes met. Wrex stood up, "Shepard," he said, and the warm welcome in his tone was clear.

"Good enough?" she remarked to the guard as she stepped around him and started towards Wrex.

He pushed the green-crested krogan who had been talking to him out of his way and strode toward her. When they met, Wrex wrapped her hand with a firm grip, and shook it hard enough that she was thankful for all the upgrades Miranda had put in. "Shepard!" he exclaimed, placing his other hand on her shoulder, "My friend."

She had to blink for a few moments to fight off the feeling that she might tear up; this was the warmest greeting she had gotten from any of her old crew, even Garrus and Tali hadn't made it quite so clear that they were happy she was alive. They stared at each other for a long moment. Shepard didn't think she had ever seen Wrex look this pleased before, and in response to it she felt her own warm smile stretching her lips upward. He finally released her hand. "You look well for dead, Shepard," he observed, "Should have known the void couldn't hold you."

His comment caught her by surprise and she chuckled, "I was really pleased to hear you had come back here to make another attempt at uniting your people Wrex. It seems like helping me destroy Saren and the geth has worked out for you." Feeling confident enough from his greeting to tease him, she continued with a smirk, "Glad we didn't have to kill each other back on Virmire."

"Ha!" Wrex barked out a laugh. "You made the rise of Urdnot possible." He turned and walked towards the center of the platform, passing by the krogan who had been speaking to him earlier as he explained. "Virmire was a turning point for the krogan," he stopped and turned back toward her, "though not everyone was happy about it," he glanced over at the other krogan as he said this. "Destroying Saren's genophage cure freed us from his manipulation. I used that to spur the clans to unify under Urdnot."

"You abandoned many traditions to get your way," the green-crested krogan declared with a dismissive wave of his hand as he came up to stand beside Wrex, "Dangerous." Shepard stared at him, her eyes narrowing, his tone and manner reminded of the turian Councilor. Not a flattering comparison as far as she was concerned.

Wrex turned towards the other krogan and Shepard caught the dangerous glint in her friend's orange colored eyes. In a surprisingly quick move given his size, Wrex slammed his head forcefully into the green-crested krogan's. "Speak when spoken to Uvenk. I'll drag your clan to glory whether it likes it or not," he informed the other krogan, who was still clutching his head in pain. With one last dismissive look at the other krogan, Wrex walked over to his chair and sat down in it. Shepard followed; she couldn't resist smirking just a little as she passed by the other krogan. Uvenk was still rubbing his green crest and looked a little dazed. Wrex had definitely given him a good thwack, but unlike this krogan her friend barely showed the effects.

"Now Shepard," Wrex said, "What brings you here? How's the Normandy?"

Shepard strongly suspected he already knew what had happened to the old Normandy, but she played along anyway. "Destroyed in a Collector surprise attack. I ended up spaced."

"Well, you look good." Her eyes narrowed at his tone, he was up to something. "Ah! The benefits of a redundant nervous system."

Ass, Shepard thought with an amused grin. "Yeah, humans don't have that," she responded dryly.

"Oh it must have been painful, then. But you're standing here and you have a strong new ship." Trust Wrex to point out the essentials, and like hell he hadn't already known what had happened to the Normandy SR1. Shepard had to wonder how much he knew about what she had been doing since she woke up, and how much he knew about the new Normandy. "Takes me back to the old days," Wrex continued. "Us against the unknown, killing it with big guns. Good times." His gaze went to her crewmembers standing behind her. "I see you have some new crewmembers as well as some old ones. Garrus, it's good to see you back by Shepard's side."

"There's no place I'd rather be, besides she needs someone watching her back on a Cerberus ship," Garrus responded sincerely. Shepard turned her head to look at him, their gazes met and she nodded her eyes grateful.

"Huh," Wrex grunted after a moment, "Good to know." They two of them stared at each other for a moment, krogan and turian, and then Garrus nodded to him. Shepard resisted the urge to roll her eyes at the two them. She appreciated the fact that they wanted to protect her, but really she was a big girl and more than capable of taking care of herself. Wrex turned his attention to the asari standing behind Shepard, "An asari Justicar, never thought I'd see one of those in person."

The evident respect in his tone surprised Shepard. Obviously, unlike her, who hadn't heard of the asari order before getting Samara's dossier, her old friend at least knew of their reputation. "Urndot Wrex, Justicar Samara," she introduced the two of them.

The justicar inclined her head in regal greeting, "It is rare that we leave asari space," Samara acknowledged, "but I have sworn myself to Shepard's mission and where she leads I will follow." For some reason, the asari's pronouncement stole Shepard's breath for a second. Perhaps because she had been thinking recently about how lucky she was to have Samara on this mission and helping her with her difficulties relating to the Prothean cipher.

"And this is?" Wrex's voice drew her out of her thoughts. He was staring at Grunt.

"One of the reasons I'm here actually," Shepard admitted, looking over at Grunt. "He has some type of sickness and needs treatment."

Wrex leaned forward in his chair staring intently at the young krogan. Grunt strode forward, past her, and stopped in front of the much older male. "Where are you from, whelp?" Wrex asked him. "Was your clan destroyed before you could learn what was expected of you?"

This was truly starting to sound like Grunt was merely going through a stage that all krogan's went through and not a sickness at all, thought Shepard. She hoped there was some way for Grunt to learn how to keep his aggressions in check or she might be forced to leave him here with Wrex until he learned some control. She couldn't have him terrorizing the rest of the crew and busting up the ship every few days.

"I have no clan," Grunt admitted boldly. "I was tank bred by Warlord Okeer, my line distilled from Kredak, Moro, Shiagur…"

Uvenk, who had been watching all of this from the side chose now to come forward, "You recite warlords, but you are the offspring of a syringe!" he sneered at Grunt dismissively. Shepard shot him an annoyed glare; she was really starting to dislike this guy.

"I am pure krogan," Grunt responded with admirable composure, "you should be in awe."

"Okeer is a very old name. A very hated name," Wrex stated as he rose and stepped down from his throne like chair to stand in front of Grunt

"He is dead," the young krogan responded simply.

"Of course. You're with Shepard," Wrex jerked his head her way. "How could he be alive?" her old friend shrugged as if what he was saying should be self evident.

Wrex's manner pretty much confirmed what Shepard had thought after reading Okeer's dossier. The warlord would have been a constant headache for her, and she suspected she would have likely ended up in a deadly confrontation with him. As interesting as this all was though, Shepard wanted to know what was going on with the krogan she had gotten. "I need Grunt back up to speed, what exactly is wrong with him?"

Wrex glanced over at her. "There's nothing wrong with him," he replied, motioning toward the young krogan standing in front of him with one hand. "He's becoming a full adult."

"Adolescence?" Garrus stared over at Grunt.

Almost at the same moment Samara commented, "Ah, like entering the maiden stage." The asari too looked over at the young krogan, her gaze evaluating. Shepard quietly sighed; the information wasn't really a surprise. She had suspected this was what had Grunt feeling itchy and aggressive ever since that guard stopped her at the landing bay.

Garrus turned back to Shepard and quipped, "Can't we just take him to Omega and buy him a few dances?" Shepard snorted in amusement.

"I don't care what alien's call it, or what they do about it," Wrex stated, waving off Garrus' comment. "Krogan undergo the Rite of Passage."

Something about that set off Uvenk, the next thing Shepard knew the green-crested krogan was furiously striding past her, "Too far Wrex! Your clan may rule, but this thing is not krogan." She watched at the krogan marched off, wondering where he was headed to make his complaint, for it was fairly obvious that was what he was going off to do.

"Idiot," Wrex's comment drew her attention back to her old friend. "So, Grunt? Do you wish to stand with Urdnot?"

Rite of Passage, something to clearly delineate the leaving behind of one societal role, in Grunt's case his youth, and the taking on of another, here his role as an adult krogan. Alliance Marines, just like the marines on Earth, had the Crucible for both enlisted recruits and officer candidates. Seventy-two hours of training exercises where marine recruits demonstrated that they could apply all the skills they had learned in the past seven weeks in the field. Once successfully completed, you were no longer referred to as a recruit. For Alliance Marine officer candidates, the Crucible took place at the end of their first year at the Academy. Shepard still remembered the end of her own Crucible, hearing the Drill Instructor refer to her as a marine for the first time instead of calling her a recruit had been surprisingly important to her. At that point, even if she had failed at the Academy for whatever reason, she would have been able to join the Alliance Marines as an enlisted member.

Noticing the indecisive look on Grunt's face, Shepard asked, "What does this Rite of Passage require?" She wanted to both give the young krogan some time to think without it becoming too obvious he was doing just that and satisfy her curiosity.

Wrex looked at her out of the corner of his eye, "Not for me to say, Shepard," he replied firmly. "The shaman will discuss that."

That sounded like she was stumbling up against krogan tradition. "What happens if he doesn't do this Rite of Passage?" she shifted to her next question.

"If he was left here, he would be killed," Wrex responded frankly. "The clanless are not respected. A tank-bred, probably more so." He turned his attention back to Grunt, "His disposition is what it is, rite or no. That's just him being a krogan. Okeer didn't tell you that in the tank, did he boy?"

Grunt's blue eyes narrowed slightly at that, but Shepard knew it was the truth. Otherwise the young krogan would have understood what was happening to him instead of being confused about it. She focused her attention on her young krogan crewmember, drawing his gaze. "This is his choice," she said, more to him than to Wrex.

Grunt, turned, strode toward the edge of the platform and looked out over the cavernous space watching the krogan around him go about their business. He remained there for several seconds before he turned back toward them. "It is in my blood, it is what I am for," he declared firmly.

"Good boy," Wrex approved. "Speak with the shaman – he's over on the second level." Wrex pointed over to where they needed to go. "Give him a good show and he'll set you on the path." He turned around walked toward his chair. Before he sat down, he turned back to look at her, "You too Shepard. How many times have you stepped in a mess for your crew, hmm?"

She couldn't but smile at that, reminded of how she had helped him hunt for his grandfather's armor. "A few," she acknowledged, watching as he settled into his seat. He had hated the chairs on the Normandy, too thin, too fragile; he seemed to like the wide and very solid stone chair he had now. "I'd like to hear about what you're doing here." She was very curious about his plans for his people, and Uvenk complaining about his reforms had only made her even more curious.

Wrex nodded, "What we talked about back while we were chasing Saren, uniting the clans, focusing on breeding to increase our numbers. We've made a neutral ground where all clans are welcome. Fertile females can be shared among all the clans. We will strengthen the race as a whole." He shifted in his chair and leaned back against the high stone backrest.

While she could understand the practicality of the idea, Shepard had to wonder what the krogan females thought about it. "What do the women of Clan Urdnot think about this plan?"

Wrex chuckled, "It was our female clan leader's idea. The neutral area is safe, and it encourages more female clans to ally with us." Shepard's eyes narrowed slightly at that, it implied that before he had started this the female clans had not been safe. "Attacks on Urdnot now endanger the females of every clan," he continued, "even clans that want me dead will defend Clan Urdnot."

He sounded pleased with that, and Shepard couldn't really blame him. Tactically it was a very good position for his clan to be in, and since it had been the krogan women's idea in the first place she wasn't going to second guess it. "Your females have their own clan structure?" she questioned curiously.

"Nothing is more valuable than a fertile female," Wrex stated seriously. "We know it. They know it. They isolate themselves for their own protection. We work together to set up breeding alliances. I can hardly do anything without Clan Leader Uta's approval," he commented wryly.

"How do you maintain security with so many clans in one place?" Krogans were territorial, with so many different clans in one area it seemed to her that some friction between the different groups was inevitable.

"Any clan willing to send in hostages can come in. No fighting inside the camp. Each clan punishes its own criminals. We stop conflicts before anyone dies. Then we present a simple choice: pay a fine and deal with your problems, or your clan is no longer welcome."

"That doesn't seem very harsh by krogan standards," she commented, surprised.

"Allies from other clans like what I'm doing," Wrex explained. "They help deal with the skeptics. Many are eager for an outlet. Every time I've declared a clan unwelcome, my allies have destroyed them. Word gets around."

Now that sounded like more of what she had expected, and though it was harsh, once again she had to admire the shrewdness with which Wrex had set up this neutral ground and its rules. "What's so important about maintaining individual clans?" she asked curiously, wondering why he was making such an effort to get the smaller clans to ally with him.

"Every clan has different customs," he explained. "Rites of passage, rules of behavior, battle songs, all unique. That diversity makes us great. No clan, not even mine, was meant to survive on its own."

She didn't disagree, but humanities own history showed that his goal might be impossible to obtain. Earth still had distinct cultural differences between different regions, but those differences were much less than they had been fifty years ago and much, much, less than they had been before the advent of global communications a few hundred years earlier. It seemed inevitable to her that the very process of unification would encourage cultural homogeneity, just as it had on Earth. "Urdnot is the leading clan. Doesn't that mean your culture is dominant?"

"For now," he agreed, "but every clan has unique assets. The best tacticians are Urdnot. Jorgal has the longest breeding line. Gatagog holds the oldest settlement. Other's have their own strengths. We keep going how we are, the clans will end up as craters under a nuclear haze. Even Urdnot. We need to rethink. Restart."

That was certainly true. Currently the krogans greatest threat wasn't the battlestations orbiting their planet; it was themselves, just as it had been for over four thousand years. "This sounds ambitious." Shepard was honestly impressed by his plans. "How's it gone so far?"

"Better than I'd feared, worse than I'd hoped," he replied honestly.

Shepard chuckled in response to his comment, and then more seriously she said to him, "It sounded like that krogan who was here, Uvenk, didn't agree with what you're doing."

"Traditionalists like Uvenk are chained varren," Wrex replied dismissively. "Always fighting, guarding their pathetic stick in the ground. When the smoke clears, I can plant a flag on their corpses and rally the rest around a new krogan hub."

So he expected that someday Uvenk would do more than just complain. "You're expecting a lot of bloodshed then, even after you unite," she said soberly.

"It will be slow, but I won't change who we are," Wrex stated firmly. "Krogan are judged by the strength of our enemies. Our worst insult is to say that someone's 'not worth killing'."

Unfortunately that viewpoint summed up most of the krogan race's problem in a nutshell, Shepard thought to herself. If they kept insisting on making the entire galaxy their enemy, eventually they would not survive a confrontation. One step at a time though. Right now they barely got along with each other, and it seemed as if Wrex was trying to change that. Maybe one day the krogan would realize that there was more than one way to be strong, and the strength of one's allies who stood by your side could prove your strength just as well as the enemies that stood against you. She thought that was something Wrex at least understood after their battle against Saren.

"I hope it all works out well for you and your people," she told him sincerely, and he nodded an acknowledgement of her words. It might have seemed like a dismissive response to someone who didn't know him, but Shepard could see that he was pleased. There was one other matter she needed to ask about, Mordin's student. "Besides seeing you again and finding out what was wrong with Grunt, I'm also looking for a salarian. The Blood Pack captured him and brought him here."

Wrex gave her a look that, even with knowing the krogan as well as she did, she found indecipherable. "My scout commander can direct you. He's probably near the perimeter running target practice. Don't take too much of his time. I need a constant watch on the other clans."

Shepard nodded her understanding, even as her mind was racing, wondering if he knew that the salarian in question had worked with Mordin on the genophage update. If he did know, then obviously he wasn't going to say anything about it. She glanced over at where Wrex had indicated they should go for Grunt, "I guess we should go see the shaman before Uvenk has too much of a chance to fill his ears with nonsense."

"Ha," Wrex laughed, "the shaman knows how much attention to pay to Uvenk." She turned to leave. "Watch yourself Shepard," he warned, "Tuchanka isn't safe and homey like Feros or Ilos."

Shepard turned to look back at him, one eyebrow raised at his comment. "I'll keep that in mind," she replied dryly. She turned and passing between Samara and Garrus, started down the ramp of broken concrete toward the opening that led up to where Wrex had indicated the shaman was located.

"Wrex, good luck with everything. If anyone can do this I know you can," she heard Garrus say.

Shepard stopped and turned around, silently upbraiding herself for not considering that of course Garrus would want to talk to Wrex. There had been a lot of friction between them initially, but it had mellowed into respect over time. Drinking in bars together and fighting together had helped speed that process along. Looking back at the platform, she immediately noticed that the two guards looked less than pleased that a turian was talking to their clan leader.

"Who are you and Shepard going up against now Garrus," Wrex asked.

The turian's answer was brief and to the point, "The Collectors."

"Revenge," Wrex said approvingly. "The Collectors are a strong enemy, but I'm sure Shepard will find a way destroy them."

"They're working with the Reapers," Shepard interrupted their conversation, taking a few steps back toward Wrex.

His head swung her way, and his eyes narrowed. "Hmm," he didn't sound pleased. "Then I know you will find a way to destroy them, just like you destroyed Saren."

Shepard nodded, "That's why I need everyone up to speed," she tilted her head meaningfully toward Grunt.

Wrex nodded, "Go see the shaman," he repeated his earlier statement. She nodded back to him, turned and started toward the entryway that led to where he had indicated the shaman was located. "You see that special they had on the extranet?" she heard one krogan say to another as they passed the pair and headed up a flight of stairs.

"That crap rots your brain," his friend responded dismissively, causing Shepard to smirk in amusement at hearing such a familiar statement come out of the mouth of a krogan. "You should be out hunting or fixing something if you can't hunt."

"It was a vid on the Citadel," the first one persisted. "The Citadel Presidium has a big statue of a krogan right in the middle."

The two krogan were behind them now but she could still hear then talking. "Well I'm not putting a damn asari statue up here, if that's what you want." Shepard chucked silently the second krogan's response.

"Don't be a fool. They were honoring our fight against the rachni," the first krogan retorted.

"Maybe they could have honored us by not bombing us with the genophage." The second krogan replied angrily.

Shepard sighed; it always came down to the genophage, and yet she hadn't heard one word about why the turian's had decided to use the bio-weapon on the krogan. One would think from listening to these krogan that the turians had simply woken up one day and decided to release it on a whim. Granted, turian's were too quick to pull out their weapons and start shooting with minimal provocation. The First Contact War was proof enough of that behavior. In this case however, with their brutal attacks against turian colony worlds during the Rebellions, the krogan had given the turians several very good reasons to release the genophage upon them.

Rachni and krogan: two races which by their very natures had difficulty peacefully coexisting with other races, the krogan because they were aggressive and territorial, and the rachni because they could not relate to non-rachni. Two races which had gone to war with the Citadel Races, and only after great difficulty and grievous losses had been defeated. The rachni had been thought to be extinct, wiped out by the krogan during the Rachni Wars. The krogan had been infected with the genophage by the turians and believed that they were doomed to extinction. There the historical similarities between the two races ended, the krogan seemed to have forgotten that it was their own actions in the Krogan Rebellions which had led to the genophage had being unleashed on them. In stark contrast, the rachni seemingly bore no ill will against the other races for letting the krogan wipe them out, even though it had not been of their own free will that they had warred in the first place.

Being here, seeing this planet, listening to these krogan…it lit into stark relief how difficult was the task facing her old friend. Wrex seemed to be one of the few krogan who realized his race needed to change if they wanted to create a more hopeful future for themselves that did not include them being killed off to the last krogan by the other races for starting another war. Certainly being here made Shepard appreciate rachni Queen's choice even more than she had before. The Queen had made the conscious choice to change the very nature of her race. She had given the rachni the ability to relate to non-rachni in the same way they related to each other, all in the hope that it would allow the rachni to someday join the galactic community and avoid a repeat of the Rachni War. It was such a vast, bold and sweeping change for the rachni and it still humbled Shepard whenever she thought about her part in it.

They reached the top of the stairs, as Shepard had suspected Uvenk was complaining to an older looking krogan about Grunt taking his Rite of Passage. "You go beyond yourself Gatatog Uvenk. The rites of Urdnot are dominant," the krogan Uvenk was complaining to growled back. Shepard suspected this was the shaman Wrex had told them to find.

"How do we know it will challenge him? He is unnatural. The beasts of the rite could ignore him like a lump of plastic," Uvenk complained.

"They know blood no matter the womb," the shaman retorted. "Your barking does not help your case." Shepard fought back a smirk, no need to exacerbate the situation just yet.

Her small group came up to the two arguing krogan. "I'll speak for myself," Grunt said, interrupting the staring match between the other two krogan.

The shaman turned away from Uvenk and came over to stand in front of the young krogan. "This is the tank-bred? It is very life like." The older krogan sniffed, "Smells correct as well." The shaman swung his head around to look over at Uvenk, "Your protests ring hollow, Uvenk."

This was not a place for the nicety of words that she would choose to use almost anywhere else Shepard knew, this was a place for bluntness and a certain edge to the way she spoke and acted. "I don't care what his complaints are," she said making absolutely no effort to hide her scorn for the other krogan. "Grunt has the right to be here," she declared firmly.

The shaman's dark gaze met her own; the two of them stared at each other for a moment before the shaman responded to the green-crested krogan. "There's some fire – and from an alien!" He glanced over at Uvenk, "Oh the shame this heaps on those who whine like pups." Shepard felt a surge of satisfaction at the shaman's approval. It gave her more confidence that between her own experiences dealing with sometimes hard headed young marines and her discussions with Wrex, she could handle this.

"If this must stand on ritual then I invoke a denial!" Uvenk protested angrily. "My krantt stands against him! He has no one!"

"Wrong!" Shepard immediately growled back at him. She stared challengingly at the green-crested krogan, "Grunt has already proven himself as one of my krantt. Those who chose to oppose us have all ended the same way…," she paused, narrowed her eyes and gave him a cold, deadly glare, "dead." She turned her head slightly to look over at the shaman, but not taking her attention from Uvenk in case he chose to escalate this to more than just an exchange of strong words. "Grunt will strengthen Clan Urdnot. Name our target and it will die as well."

"Spoken well!" the shaman sounded impressed. "Most aliens," he paused to look over at Uvenk, "and some krogan," he said disgustedly, "do not understand our ways. I believe this human does." The shaman's tone as he said this was an interesting mixture of wonder and approval, as if he had never expected he would make such a statement.

Uvenk's outrage at the shaman's statement was obvious, "Alien's don't know strength!" he protested. "My followers are true krogan. Everything about Grunt is a lie."

In the moment before she acted, Shepard blessed the fact that she had chosen to wear a helmet today, otherwise what she was about to do would hurt a lot more. Rearing back slightly to get some momentum, she slammed her head as hard as she could into Uvenk's greenish crest. Unexpectedly, she felt the tingle of her biotics at the same time giving her head butt extra force and cushioning the impact somewhat for her. She hadn't consciously thought about doing using her biotics, nor used any mnemonic to accomplish it. It was as if her body had known what she wanted from it and simply responded accordingly. Ignoring the fact that she had inadvertently used her biotics for the moment, Shepard watched in satisfaction as Uvenk reeled back from the blow. The krogan shook his head; it was the second time in less than fifteen minutes that he had been thwacked in the same spot, she knew it had to hurt. Her own neck was complaining at her action, but she let none of her discomfort show.

Uvenk looked at her, "You…" surprise evident in his tone before it was replace by anger, "You dare!"

The shaman started laughing, to all appearances uproariously amused by Shepard's action. "I like this human!" he declared loudly. "She understands!"

"I withdraw my denial." Uvenk's words drew her attention back to the green-crested krogan. He glared at her, "This will be decided elsewhere!" It certainly sounded like a threat, and that impression was backed up when the krogan roughly pushed past her, trying to knock her off balance.

"You have provoked them. Reason enough for me to like you," the shaman said to her once Uvenk had left. "They're your problem now."

"Is Uvenk going to be a problem during Grunt's Rite?" she inquired of him.

"He is forbidden to interfere. Will he? During the Rite of Passage, you must be ready for anything, Shepard. From what you've shown me you will not disappoint," the krogan shaman responded.

Shepard nodded. "Do we need any special equipment for this?"

"To begin the Rite, only the candidate and his krantt are required. You love battle, don't you Shepard? The last gasp of a dying opponent?" He just had to say that didn't he… Shepard managed not to grimace at his words, they certainly brought up no good memories for her. "Bring your love of the fight to Grunt's trial," the shaman continued, "and he will succeed."

She nodded, acknowledging that the shaman was at least partially right; she did love the fight, the action, the adrenaline, the challenge and striving against an enemy. That didn't mean however, that she enjoyed killing people because she didn't. After the battle and her adrenaline rush was over, she didn't enjoy looking around at the bleeding and broken bodies of her enemies and knowing that for most of them, somewhere soon a mother was going to receive the news that their child had met with a violent end. She knew the mercenaries she had killed since she woke were murders and criminals, and had willfully chosen to turn their backs on their societies and prey on them instead, but that didn't mean that they were completely evil and it didn't mean that no one would mourn their deaths. Shepard pushed those thoughts away, focusing instead on the krogan in front of her. "So how does this work?" she asked, wanting to get on with Grunt's Rite, this place was depressing her.

"Still you're impatience Shepard," the shaman advised her. "For now, know that Grunt will be tested… and that you must adapt. It is too late in the day today to begin the Rite. Come back to me early tomorrow morning and we will proceed to where the Rite is to take place."

It had taken them awhile to get approval from the CDEM for the Normandy to approach the planet and send a shuttle down. Showing up in a Cerberus marked ship, Spectre aboard or not, had made the entire process a lot more complicated and time consuming than needed. "Alright," she acknowledged, "early tomorrow morning, I'll be back with Grunt." That seemed to be all he expected from her, she turned around intending to head back to the shuttle and eventually a very welcome cool shower. Even with her armor trying to maintain a comfortable temperature, it was definitely hot here.

Garrus and Samara were both staring at her. Her turian friend's incredulity was plainly written upon his face, it was in his eyes and the slightly flared set of his mandibles. The justicar was much harder to read; the only thing Shepard could tell from the asari's composed expression was that, unlike Garrus, the asari wasn't surprised by her actions. Then again, Samara had already witnessed her act somewhat similarly while persuading that one Eclipse mercenary in the Dantius Towers to tell her want she wanted to know. Shepard motioned toward the stairs they had come up. "Humans have an old saying," Shepard said by way of an explanation for her behavior as they headed down the stairs. "When in Rome, do as the Romans do." They passed by the two krogan who had been talking about the krogan statue on the Citadel Presidium and out into the main complex area where Wrex was now talking with another krogan, one Shepard hadn't seen before.

"Well you certainly did a good job of impressing that shaman." Garrus finally commented.

She turned toward him, she was feeling rather pleased with how things had turned out, she hadn't been sure she could strike the right note in her interactions with another krogan besides Wrex and Grunt. Especially on their own homeworld where the one's she would meet would be less influenced by other cultures. Head slamming Uvenk had been a definite bonus, even if he only reminded her of the turian Councilor and wasn't actually Metellus. "That's what I was aiming for," she quipped with a decidedly cheeky grin. Her statement drew a raised brow from Samara, and a bit of a bemused look at how she was behaving.

It took Shepard a moment to realize why the asari was looking at her like that; she wasn't acting quite the way Samara was used to her acting. She was just… Shepard let out an inaudible sigh; she was just starting to feel a bit rebellious about her life. The Council had ignored her warnings about the Reapers and then after her death outright dismissed them. The Systems Alliance had first denied her a promotion because they thought she was now too much of an alien lover for them once she became a Spectre, something they had pressed for in the first place, and then after she died they dragged her name though the muck in their efforts to discredit her warnings about the Reapers. Her girlfriend had turned her dead body over to Cerberus after taking it back from the Shadow Broker who wanted to sell it to the Collectors, and then by the time Cerberus succeeded in bringing her back to life two years later Liara decided she'd rather not be in a relationship with her because she might die again.

She didn't really blame Liara for her choice, but at the same time Amanda was honest enough with herself to admit that, now that the pain of their relationship ending had faded a little, she was beginning to feel a bit angry and sore over the whole thing. Liara had gotten her into this pact with Cerberus by handing her body over to the terrorist group, and then, just when Amanda needed the asari's support the most, Liara decided it was too hard to continue being with her. Leaving her to walk this path the asari had set her upon alone. Amanda's personal and professional lives felt like a bomb had been dropped on both of them and all that was left was twisted and broken remnants. Now she was starting to ask herself if she really wanted to try and rebuild what she had before or do something else. Where did she want her life to go from here?

Shepard grimaced at her thoughts, she shouldn't be thinking about this here. She turned toward her left and the opening that led down to the lower level and the way to the shuttle bay. Before heading off that way she paused and flexed her neck, bending her head back and forth and then more slowly side to side, working out the slight discomfort she still felt from slamming her head into Uvenk's crest.

"Maybe you should leave the head butting to Wrex in the future?" Garrus suggested, noticing what she was doing.

Shrugging off her melancholy mood, she smirked at him, "And let him have all the fun?" The turian shook his head at her, an amused expression on his face. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed Samara still studying her, judging from the justicar's slightly concerned expression, unlike Garrus, the asari wasn't convinced by her outward levity. For all she knew, Shepard thought to herself, Samara was able to discern the contradiction between her expression and her actual mood in her aura, the asari was close enough to sense it.

They were in the Kodiak and on their way back to the Normandy when Samara turned toward her and said, "I felt you use your biotics when you confronted Gatatog Uvenk."

That was certainly an interesting way to describe the incident. Shepard nodded, "I didn't intend to," she admitted, "but it certainly made that head slam more impressive than it would have been. I'm glad I was wearing a helmet. Bleeding all over him and myself afterward wouldn't have made nearly the same type of statement," she commented with a grin.

Samara's brow rose, "Undoubtedly," the justicar agreed with regal detachment. "However I was more interested in discovering how you learned to use your biotics in that manner."

Shepard knew what the asari was actually asking. "Not through my Alliance training," she admitted, meeting Samara's pale blue eyes.

The asari nodded, looking as if she had expected that answer. "Perhaps after dinner we could meditate together?" Samara issued the innocuous sounding invitation.

"Sounds good," Shepard replied. After dinner they were going looking for another prothean.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The Mass Effect universe is the property of Bioware/Electronic Arts. No infringement of these copyrights is intended as this is a not for profit fan fiction work.
> 
> Warning: none
> 
> Notes: This is inspired by the Beyonce song “Save the Hero,” from the album I am…Sasha Fierce. This is an Alternate Universe story. The portrayal of Cerberus in my story is heavily influenced by the contents of the second and third Mass Effect books, Ascension and Retribution. The character of asari Spectre Tela Vasir comes from the Cerberus Daily News, where she has been mentioned several different times and from the DLC Lair of the Shadow Broker. The company name and location for Cord-Hislop Aerospace is taken from the book Ascension where it is mentioned as a Cerberus front company. The fact that red sand doesn't affect either asari or batarians is from the Retribution book, where it's mentioned by Paul Greyson.
> 
> Rating: Teen
> 
> Feedback: Always welcome, feedback is what encourages me to keep writing. Please let me know what you like and what you dislike about the story.
> 
> Errors and Corrections: Yes, please let me know about any errors you see so that I can correct them. This is un-beta’ed so it probably has a few.
> 
> Revision History: 08/13/2010; 11/16/2010

**Illium - Nos Astra, Eternity Bar – late afternoon on the same day as Normandy's arrival at Tuchanka**

Seated in a corner booth on the first floor of Eternity a blue complexioned asari, her face bare of any facial tattoos or markings, perused some information on her omni-tool. She was clothed in the latest business fashion, a long dress only a shade or two lighter than the blue hue of her skin and dark red accents. Occasionally she took a sip of the colorful drink in front of her. There was really nothing about her that would make her stand out from the crowd. She blended seamlessly into the large population of asari that lived and worked in Nos Astra, just one face among many.

Spectre Tela Vasir let her eyes wander over the news feed her omni-tool was displaying, only partially paying attention to the words. Most of her attention was focused on picking out the various conversations going on around her. Eternity was an excellent place to pick up the latest gossip around Nos Astra, and even though almost a week had passed since Shepard left Illium, the human Spectre was still a frequent topic of conversation. From what she had heard so far, Shepard had drawn attention to herself wherever she went, striding around the city in full battle armor and with enough weaponry on her back to start and finish small war.

Personally, the asari found enough surface similarity between the way Shepard behaved and the way most of the turian Spectre’s she knew behaved to amuse her. She doubted pointing out that out to either would win her much good will though; there was still a lot of tension between humans and turians because the Relay 314 incident or First Contact War as the humans insisted on calling it. Tela wasn’t going to complain about Shepard’s conspicuousness though; it certainly made it easier for her to collect the information about the human Spectre’s activities here that Councilor Tevos had requested.

That was good, because she wasn't planning on contacting the Shadow Broker for data on Shepard; in fact she wasn't planning on contacting the Broker for information on either of her current missions. His information always came with high price attached to it, thus she preferred to contact him only when absolutely necessary and only when her mission was critical enough in her judgment to warrant her paying the price that he might ask. Sometimes his price was information; sometimes he wanted someone permanently out of the way. So far none of those had been innocent individuals by any stretch of the imagination, so she hadn’t had many qualms in doing what he asked. Still neither was something she enjoyed doing, thus she always kept her requests to an absolute minimum.

The asari Spectre had taken a few hours from her primary investigation into the theft of sensitive economic data from the Council’s Ministry of Finance to visit the bar last night and she was here again now this afternoon. It had proven to be time well spent, during it she had learned that the local Eclipse mercenary groups were still trying to regroup after losing so many members as well as both Captain Wasea and Captain Enyala during Shepard’s assaults on them. In addition to that, they were facing the possibility of official sanctions from the Illium authorities; the lead detective in the case was apparently pushing hard for those given what the police had learned about the mercenary group’s activities.

Because of the news reports on Shepard and Justicar Samara, the mercenaries knew exactly who had attacked them, and the few Eclipse members she had overheard spoke of the human Spectre in tones of mixed anger and wariness. Shepard had walked into a major Eclipse base with only two others, a turian and quarian, and then emerged less than an hour later without any significant wounds. The next day she, Justicar Samara and a young krogan had completely decimated the Eclipse forces guarding Nassana Dantius. The Eclipse sisters were taken aback by Shepard's combat abilities. Tela was not; she had reviewed Shepard's record from both before and after the human had been made a Spectre. Shepard was deluded in her continuing belief that the Reapers actually existed, but there was no denying that, for her race, the human was a very competent warrior.

She glanced at the time; it was almost the end of the workday. Tela paid for her drink and slipped out of the bar. She paused for a second outside the bar to glance around casually; no one appeared to be paying any particular attention to one nondescript business suit clad asari among the throng of other busy asari dressed almost exactly like her. The Spectre headed over toward the commercial spaceport, she should be able to catch Detective Anaya working late while most of the officers assigned to this shift were out on patrol. Given the sensitive nature of the conversation she hoped to have with the detective, she preferred that there not be many witnesses around to overhear it.

After a short air taxi ride from the Nos Astra transportation hub, Tela stood outside of the Nos Astra Commercial Spaceport Police Station. She glanced though the large windows, as she had hoped there were only a few officers at their desks and yes...there was Detective Anaya. Tela had already read all the detective’s official reports to her superiors. She knew what the news reporter’s and public didn't know, that the Illium authorities had tried to interfere with Justicar Samara’s investigation by ordering the police to detaining her and that had led to the first known occurrence of a Justicar swearing the Third Oath of Subsumation to a Spectre and a human. Something the involved authorities were trying very hard to make sure never became public knowledge.

As publicly non-racist as the asari claimed to be, finding out that their own government had deliberately interfered with a Justicar's investigation, and that in turn had lead to the Justicar swearing an Oath of Subsumation to a human would have some severe political repercussions for the government officials involved. Humanity was too new to the galactic scene; they were seen as being too pushy and too brazenly forward in promoting their interests even at the expense of the other Citadel races by many asari. Combine that with Shepard’s own uncertain reputation... Yes, the first human Spectre had saved the Destiny’s Ascension and the Council, but she had also been labeled as deluded and misguided by the Council for claiming the Reapers actually existed. Unfortunately for their hope of keeping their actions secret, the local Nos Astra government's security wasn't as good as they thought it was, and certainly wasn't good enough to stop Tela from breaking into their network. What the asari Spectre wanted now were the detective’s personal observations about Shepard, the things that hadn't gone into her reports.

She stepped into the station and made her way over to the detective's desk, drawing only brief glances from the other officers before they returned to their work. Detective Anaya, who was reading a message on her data terminal, glanced over at Tela as she sat down in the chair on the opposite side of the desk from her. The detective frowned, "May I help you?" Despite her expression the detective's tone was polite.

"I was hoping you might have some information for me,” Tela activated her omni-tool and showed her credentials to the detective. Anaya glanced at the display, a half second later the detective’s eyes widened and jerked back up to meet the Spectre's. Tela inquired, "In the information you obtained from the Eclipse have you come across any mention of a group called TruthHax?" The asari Spectre already knew there wasn't any. She had searched through the Eclipse databases the police had seized from the mercenary groups’ base for any information relating to her primary investigation yesterday; this was just an excuse for her to talk to the detective.

Not surprisingly the detective didn't seem to recognize the name. Anaya shook her head, "I don't think so," she turned to her data terminal, "I'll run a quick search for it though, we got a lot of data from their base after Spectre Shepard went through there." The detective was subtle, but Tela noticed the quick side-ways glance right after the other asari mentioned Shepard’s name, looking for her reaction.

“So I understand from the news report I’ve heard,” Tela acknowledged easily. “I understand she came through this office?”

The detective turned her head to look at her directly. Their eyes met for a few seconds, Anaya’s gaze searching and curious. Tela knew her bland expression would give nothing away to the other asari. “Yes,” the detective responded, “Shepard was seeking Justicar Samara's aid for some mission. I don't know what, but the quarian with her mentioned saving a lot of innocent lives. The justicar agreed to go with Shepard in exchange for her help in obtaining some information from the Eclipse base that the justicar needed about a fugitive she was chasing.” That would have been after the detective detained the justicar under orders from her superiors, Tela knew, thus necessitating the justicar request of Shepard’s assistance instead of finding the information out on her own. “I wasn't sure if three people could take out that base,” Anaya continued, “but they did it and fairly quickly too.” The other asari sounded impressed.

“Shepard is a Spectre,” Tela reminded the detective evenly; she left unspoken the reminder that so was she.

Anaya eyed her, “So she is,” the detective agreed. Her terminal chimed, indicating that the search she had started was finished, Tela guessed. The detective glanced over at it, shook her head, “My search found no reference found to this TruthHax you’re looking for in the Eclipse data we recovered, Spectre.”

Tela shrugged, “It was an outside chance anyway, but I needed to check.”

Before the asari Spectre could start working the conversation back around to her true topic of interest, Detective Anaya leaned back in her chair and eyed her, “Shepard wasn’t what I expected, for either a human or Spectre."

Or the detective could make it easy on her, Tela thought to herself. “How so?” she asked, it was a rather vague comment.

“She’s very religious,” Anaya replied, “and has a high regard for the law. She also seems very accepting of other species. I’ve seen her with a turian, a quarian, a young krogan, and I know she recruited Justicar Samara and a drell while she was here…" the detective's gaze sharpened, "which makes the fact that she’s commanding a Cerberus identified ship, with Cerberus personnel crewing it rather odd.”

Normally the asari Spectre appreciated it more when the law enforcement personnel she interacted with proved to be highly intelligent and insightful. This once however, she would have preferred that Detective Anaya wasn’t quite so quick to pick up on the fact that she was more interested in Shepard than in finding information about TruthHax. Tela narrowed her eyes, “Spectre’s are allowed to use whatever resources they deem necessary to complete their mission,” she responded, in a cool, clipped tone.

The detective held up her hands on a mollifying gesture. “I was just pointing out that Shepard didn’t seem the type of person who would be working with Cerberus, and they’re not exactly known for working with non-humans. Both times I spoke with Shepard she was the only human in her team.”

The asari Spectre stared at Anaya for a second and then inclined her head, in agreement, acknowledging that much was true. Shepard was working with Cerberus for several different reasons, but nothing she had learned so far indicated that Shepard agreed with the terrorist group’s militant pro-human agenda. “Why would you mention her being religious?” That statement had surprised Tela; she didn’t recall Shepard’s profile mentioning that the human held any particularly strong religious beliefs. Anaya sat back in her chair and began relating what Shepard had said to the young Eclipse mercenary the human Spectre had brought back with her as her prisoner from the Eclipse base, while Tela listened with keen interest. Honoring the young asari’s plea to the Goddess that she be spared, asking this Elnora to change her ways, citing not disappointing the Goddess as a reason she was trying to reach out and help the young mercenary. This was the type of information Tela had been looking for, evidence of Shepard’s state of mind as well as her actions.

When Anaya finished, Tela stared at her thoughtfully for a second, what she had just heard was surprising given the lack of any evidence that the human had any strong religious beliefs two year ago. Shepard did believe that she had been clinically dead however, and whether true or not that might have influenced the human to reevaluate her spiritual beliefs. Considered in that light, perhaps this information was not that surprising after all. “I’ve never met Shepard,” Tela admitted, “so I really wouldn’t know what her beliefs are.” Actually only Nilus, who was then killed by Saren on Shepard’s first evaluation mission, and of course the rogue Spectre Saren had met Shepard. She privately thought that was a mistake on the Council’s part, the first human to be made a Spectre had no strong ties to any of the other Spectre’s. She would have personally preferred the opposite to be the case. At least Shepard had recruited non-humans to be a part of her crew to hunt down Saren, thus proving she had no issues working with the other Council races. From what the detective had just mentioned, and from the information the Council had on her activities, Shepard was doing so again. If Cerberus objected, she was ignoring them. “You mentioned several non-human crew members; can you tell me anything more about them?” The detective had already guessed she was actually seeking information about Shepard, Tela rationalized; at this point it was better to just ask her questions and leave.

“I know the turian with her was a C-Sec officer, he’s the one who originally put together the information on Eclipse’s operations for me,” the detective replied. “But I never heard her mention his name.”

Tela already had a strong suspicion, “Blue facial paint?” At the detective’s nod she said, “Garrus Vakarian, he was a member of her crew before.” That was a surprise, where had Shepard found him? From what Tela knew he had left C-Sec shortly after the human Spectre had been declared missing in action and presumed dead by the Alliance and disappeared.

“I suspect the quarian was Tali’Zorah then,” Anaya commented, “the three of them were very familiar with each other.”

The asari Spectre’s eyes narrowed briefly, she didn’t like being misled, not even in a minor way such as what had just occurred. If the detective suspected who the quarian was with Shepard, then that meant that the other asari had also guessed the identity of the turian as well. “The krogan and the drell?” her tone was noticeably cooler as well as carrying a hint of command.

The change in her tone wasn't missed by the other asari, who shot her a wary look before responding, "I don't know much about them. Shepard picked up the drell in the Dantius Towers though; he wasn't with her when she spoke to the officers who arrived in response to her emergency call. As for the krogan, I don't think I've ever seen one so young before. When I was giving them a ride to their ship from the towers, he mentioned something about Okeer's tank imprint not mentioning much about humans except their weak points for how to kill them. It was rather strange."

Tela frowned, the name Okeer wasn't familiar to her, but maybe she could find some information on him in the Citadel records. A tank imprint though, that sounded like something a clone would need to function. In which case her next questions were where had Shepard found this krogan clone, if her suspicion was indeed correct, and was someone out there creating more of them? She would have to go searching for the answer to those questions later though. "Anything else I should know about them?"

"I think the drell killed Nassana Dantius and not Justicar Samara or Spectre Shepard. Her guards were all killed at close range and Nassana died from an upward shot point blank into her stomach that passed through her heart. The method of death is unique, and unlike those we can definitely attribute to Shepard and Justicar Samara."

Tela had to agree, that didn't sound like your typical justicar execution. A close quarter's assassination however was another matter. "I'd like a copy of those autopsy reports."

The detective nodded, she turned toward her terminal and began pulling up the requested files. "I don't suppose you'll let me know if you figure out the identity of the drell?" she asked, sounding like she suspected the answer would be no. "If I'm right, then whoever he is, he's good. He took out three guards and Nassana Dantius while they were all within a four meter area of each other with no cover… and none of them even got a shot off at him."

Anaya sounded impressed and no wonder, if the drell was the killer he was fast, and sounded like an expert at close quarters combat. The possibility of his being a professional assassin went up in Tela's mind, which might also explain why Shepard had been interested in recruiting him. "Why do you want to know?" she inquired of the detective instead of answering immediately.

Detective Anaya shrugged, "Curiosity?"

Spectre Tela raised one brow at the detective’s reply, “Perhaps,” she replied evasively. It really depended upon what she learned about the drell’s identity and whether or not she thought sharing the information could possibly compromise any of Shepard's missions. The human Spectre's investigation into Cerberus' true motives and interest in the Collectors was too critical to jeopardize to satisfy this detectives curiosity, as was Shepard's primary mission to stop the Collector attacks on human colonies.

 

**Normandy – Engineering Deck – late afternoon on the same day as Normandy's arrival at Tuchanka**

"Jack," Shepard greeted the other woman as she took the last of the steps down to the space underneath the engineering deck the biotic had claimed as her own. The ex-convict was resting on her cot, a data pad in her hand which she had apparently been reading moments before.

Shepard," Jack's eyes narrowed on her as she tossed the pad over to rest with a few others jumbled together in a heap.

"We found out what was wrong so to speak with Grunt," she knew the biotic had to have heard about the krogan's erratic and aggressive behavior. "He's becoming a full adult krogan."

The tattooed woman's eyes widened slightly in surprise, and she sat up, "Puberty?" Her lips twitched in amusement, "Grunt's growing up?"

Shepard nodded in response, "Krogan's undergo a Rite of Passage to prove their worthiness to join a clan. Wrex agreed to let Grunt join Clan Urdnot if he completes his Rite. We're doing it tomorrow morning and I thought you might be interested going with us to stretch your legs and kill a few things." She had thought about this on the way back to the ship. Except for shore leave on Illium, Jack hadn't been on a mission in a few weeks. The biotic had to be getting antsy by now and this seemed as if it would be a good match for the ex-convicts preferred combat style. No holds barred and no worrying about collateral damage. Her main duty would be to keep Grunt and Jack focused and working together instead of charging forward and trying to kill everything by themselves.

Jack glanced over at the data pads on her cot for a moment and then back over to Shepard, "Yea that might be interesting."

"How's your data hunt going?" Shepard inquired, glancing over at the pads herself. She wished she had a better idea of exactly what Jack was looking for in the Cerberus databanks the tattooed biotic had bargained for access to in exchange for joining them. She knew the woman wanted to go after the Cerberus members who had tortured her as a child. Shepard had no real problem with that, but the ex-convict had also mentioned going after their friends and associates, people who presumably had nothing to do with what had happened to her. That was another matter entirely. She had told Jack that she wouldn't let her go on a killing spree and she meant it.

"I'm still searching through it," the other woman responded briefly.

She didn't sound as curt or angry as normal so Shepard decided to it might be a good time to get more information. "Can I ask exactly what you're looking for?"

Jack's dark wary eyes met hers, Shepard returned her stare steadily, and waited. Finally the ex-convict responded, "The research facility where they raised me. I'm looking for its location"

Shepard drew in a surprised breath at the answer, thinking through the implications of it, and then she nodded. "Ok, let me know as soon as you find the location." What they would find there she had no idea, but she could think of a lot of reasons why Jack might want to go there.

 

**Illium - Nos Astra, Transportation Hub – early evening on the same day as Normandy's arrival at Tuchanka**

Tela was still considering all that she had learned from Detective Anaya as she walked though the Transportation Hub area on the way to her hotel. A salarian male staring at her as she walked through the area drew her immediate attention and her thoughts immediately shifted from analyzing the data she had gathered into heightened awareness of her surroundings as she searched for other possible attackers. The salarian started walking in her direction; he was dressed in dock worker clothes, pockets on the legs and arms could hide several different compact weapons. She took in his non-aggressive body language and the way he held his hands carefully away from his pockets and within her sight as he approached her. He didn't seem as if he intended to be a threat to her, but he did appear to know her true identity.

“Lt. Aerlan Maleis, STG, please follow me Spectre Vasir,” the salarian said in an undertone as he drew even with her. The asari smoothly shifted directions to walk with him, it might be a trap, but chances were that he was telling her the truth. She had to wonder though what the salarian Special Tasks Group was doing here. She knew a group had been assigned to investigate the human colony disappearances in the Terminus Systems, but what was an STG team investigating in Nos Astra and what did it have to do with her?

Tela followed the salarian through one of the connector tunnels toward the main trading floor, then took an escalator to an upper floor midway and headed toward one of the arcology skyscrapers. That was interesting and vexing; it suggested there was a long term STG surveillance team permanently placed in Nos Astra. She hadn’t known about this STG team and she suspected Councilor Tevos wasn’t aware of its existence either. Granted, Illium wasn’t properly in Asari space, but it was still an asari colony world, the salarians should have mentioned they had a team stationed here. They took the elevator up to the sixty-third floor and got off, walked a distance down the hallway. The doors started getting farther apart, signifying that the units were larger.

Lt. Maleis stopped at one of the doors, Apartment 6345, Tela noted, and pulled out a pass card. He swiped it over the sensor next to the door. There was the slight sound of the door unlocking and the salarian pushed it open. He waited for her to enter before making sure it closed properly behind them. "Our team normally monitors the ship traffic and commodities both legal and illegal coming into and out of Illium from the Terminus Systems," he said as he started up the hallway, the first words he had spoken since introducing himself and asking her to follow him. "Councilor Valern contacted us a few weeks ago and had us start planning for Spectre Shepard's arrival."

"You were expecting her because?" Spectre Vasir suspected she knew, but was curious about what answer he would give her.

He stopped, turned, and looked at her with an irritated and slightly insulted expression. "Liara T'Soni is here," he answered curtly before turning to continue up the hallway, as if that should explain everything. His attitude amused the Spectre; he was right though, that was all the answer he needed to give. There was strong evidence that Shepard and the pureblood asari maiden had been lovers. It was logical to assume that Shepard would seek her out; the only question was why the human had waited so long and why Liara T'Soni hadn't accompanied the Spectre when Shepard left.

They walked into what had originally been the apartment’s living room, now it was simply a large room with several desks around the perimeter. Each desk had a data terminal and a salarian male sitting at it either watching the data streaming by or typing away at the keyboard. At one desk several displays showed the entrance to the apartment building, views of the elevators and hallway outside the apartment door. She watched the displays for a second, verifying that they hadn’t been followed. As usual for the STG, this appeared to be a well run operation.

Satisfied, she turned back to the salarian lieutenant. He was apparently waiting on her from his slightly impatient expression, “I was able to get several of my men hired as dock workers. When we got word that Liara T’Soni had made arrangements and paid for the docking fees of Spectre Shepard’s ship, we covertly arranged for them to be assigned to that particular dock. While the Normandy SR2 was docked, repairs were made and various parts of the ship were upgraded. In particular, the ship’s medical bay was extensively refitted to increase its capability to handle traumatic injuries. We were able to obtain much of the original medical equipment and repaired parts.” He indicated a door on the right hand side of the room, “If you will follow me.”

The next room held mostly shelving units and a work bench, ship and medical equipment parts were stacked everywhere. The salarian motioned with one hand at the laden shelves, “We are still tracking down the purchase orders for many of these, but so far all the data we have shows them being ordered over the course of the last two years by Cord-Hislop Aerospace, a mid-sized starship manufacturer based on the human colony world of Elysium. We had previous intelligence that indicated it could be a front company for Cerberus; I believe that once we obtain the data on the rest of these items we can confirm that.”

The asari’s brown eyes narrowed as she looked over the different pieces of equipment, “How did they get the plans to the SR1?” She thought the joint development project of the Normandy class of stealth frigates had been highly classified by both human and turian governments.

He regarded her soberly, “Cord-Hislop Aerospace was involved in the fabrication and construction of the original ship. The chairman of their executive board along with several other Alliance defense industry executives approached the Systems Alliance military with the idea of jointly developing a frigate class of ship that included stealth capabilities with the turian Hierarchy. Because of what we have learned here, we will be looking more closely into the activities of the other human executives involved in the original planning of the joint venture for Cerberus links.”

Her eyes widened for a fraction of a second in surprise at this information before narrowing again as she immediately began to analyze what Cerberus would have gained from doing such a thing. “They wanted access to turian military ship designs and technologies?” she guessed after several seconds.

The salarian blinked once and then nodded, his expression becoming more respectful. “That was our analysis as well. We knew Cerberus was well connected and well funded, but the ability to influence the development of the Normandy SR1 and the ability to build the Normandy SR2 in complete secrecy, as well as other recent evidence, indicates that they may have access to even more resources than we thought.” Tela noticed that he sounded troubled, she didn’t blame him. She remembered what Shepard had claimed about the extent of Cerberus’ infiltration of the Alliance defense industry. She had been doubtful, but it seemed as if the human Spectre might not have been exaggerating.

As soon as he finished speaking, Lt. Maleis headed toward the door and the main room. Used to salarians and their sometimes abrupt manner as they shifted from one subject to the next Tela followed him as he crossed over to one of the desks and picked up an OSD chip from its surface. He held it out toward her, “We have dossiers on every crewmember who exited the ship while it was docked,” he informed her as she accepted it. “They’re not as complete as I would like, but give us another week or two and they will be. Only two of the human crew members were previously known to be Cerberus operatives, Shepard’s executive officer Miranda Lawson and former Alliance marine Jacob Taylor. He was instrumental in stopping the batarian Ambassador Jath’Amon’s attack on the Council almost two years ago.” The asari Spectre nodded, she had heard about the attempt on the Council’s life using a bio-engineered blood plague concealed in the batarian ambassador’s hover chair.

“Mr. Taylor is not the only ex-Alliance military crew member,” the salarian continued, “we’ve also identified Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau and Chief Medical Officer Chakwas of Shepard’s original crew, and Propulsion Engineer Gabriella Daniels and Power Engineer Kenneth Donnelly who both served on the SSV Perugia during the Citadel Battle. As for the remaining human crewmembers, they all appear to have been recruited within the past two years from various human colony worlds, most of them in the Terminus Systems.”

The asari Spectre found that information interesting. It sounded like nearly all of the ship’s crew had been recruited specifically to work with Shepard for this mission and that plans for it had begun sometime shortly after the destruction of the original Normandy. “Did you note any signs of xenophobia among them?” she asked curiously.

“No,” he responded readily, “which was unexpected given their association with Cerberus. A few of the human crewmembers from the colony worlds seemed to be unused to dealing with aliens, but there were no visible signs of hatred towards us.”

“It’s not surprising if they’ve been selected specifically to work with Shepard,” Spectre Vasir pointed out, “everything we know about her indicates that she has no difficulty working with non-humans. If the claims Shepard made are true, then Cerberus is trying to win her willing cooperation, at least for right now. The Illusive Man has to know he wouldn’t get very far with that by surrounding her with humans that gave lie to his claim that Cerberus is just trying to protect humanity.”

“Hmm…” the salarian considered it for a moment before saying, “a reasonable supposition. The Illusive Man does appear to be very adept at manipulating both people and events.” Before the Spectre could reply to that he continued, “As for the specialists Shepard has been recruiting for her combat team, there are currently seven members plus the two Cerberus operatives Miranda Lawson and Jacob Taylor. There are two other human’s, Zaeed Massani a well known mercenary and bounty hunter, and a powerful human biotic named Jack. The remaining five specialist are all non-human: the asari Justicar Samara, a drell assassin, Thane Krios, salarian researcher and retired STG member Mordin Solus, Shepard’s former crewmembers the quarian engineer Tali’Zorah nar Rayaa and the turian Garrus Vakarian. There is also a young krogan around the age of puberty with them whose identity remains unknown to us except for his name, Grunt.”

Well… she had been right about the drell being an assassin, and finally something she knew which the salarian didn’t thought the asari Spectre. “I have some information about the krogan,” Tela said, and then shared with him what she had learned from Detective Anaya.

“Okeer…” the salarian muttered to himself thoughtfully, “That name sounds familiar, give me a moment please Spectre.” He went over to one of the desks and talked to the salarian working there who promptly input in some data at his haptic interface. Seconds later the two of them stared at the information his request called up on the display screen. “Yes,” Lt. Maleis said as he turned away from it to speak to her, “Warlord Okeer, exiled from Tuchanka approximately two years ago for trading other krogan to the Collectors in exchange for technology.” Strange, that was around the same time as Shepard’s death, Tela mused. “I would guess,” the salarian continued, “that some of that technology was cloning technology.”

After considering it for a few moments Spectre Vasir nodded, it was a reasonable assumption to make. “If Shepard’s looking for information on the Collectors and knew about his activities it makes sense that she would seek him out to see what he knew,” she commented. “Only how did she end up with this young krogan clone?”

“With the data we have I could not even begin to speculate,” he responded in a dry tone and then abruptly switched the subject before Tela could reply. “Councilor Valern tasked us with learning as much as we were able about Shepard’s ship. He is very interested in finding out how Cerberus managed to obtain the plans for and build the Normandy SR2 without any of our intelligence services knowing about the ship’s existence before it showed up at the Citadel. From that fact that you are searching for information relating to Spectre Shepard, I would guess that Councilor Tevos would like to know more about her activities here.”

Spectre Vasir eyed him thoughtfully as she considered her answer. He had shared with her his team's specific tasking and the information they had gathered so far, chances were he had information that could help her with her assignment. After a few seconds she nodded, “I am, and yes, the Councilor did,” the dark violet asari admitted.

He made a hrmm noise of satisfaction and bobbed his head forward once before saying, “We observed Shepard visiting Liara T’Soni’s offices above the Main Trading Floor on three separate occasions. For approximately the past twenty months, Ms. T’Soni has been aggressively seeking out information on the Shadow Broker and his operatives. We believe she is responsible for the disappearances and presumed murder of several of them, the latest of which was her secretary, an asari codenamed the Observer, who was spying on her activities for the Shadow Broker.” The asari Spectre's brown eyes widened at that piece of information, why was Liara T'Soni starting a war with the Shadow Broker? And why had she decided to enter the decidedly shady, if potentially lucrative, field of information trading instead of going back to being an archeologist?

Lt. Maleis continued, "Spectre Shepard appeared to have been instrumental in gathering the data for Ms T'Soni which revealed the identity of Ms. T’Soni’s secretary as the Shadow Broker’s agent. After that visit, and after the disappearance of the Observer, Shepard never returned to Liara T’Soni’s office even though the human did not leave Nos Astra for three more days." he paused for a second and then said to her, "I suspect a visit to Liara T’Soni might yield you some interesting information Spectre Vasir."

Tela's dark violet lips twitched upward in a slight smile, "I believe you might be correct Lt. Maleis, thank you for the information." She held up the OSD chip he had given her and added, "All of it." She was pleased with the information, but she was also concerned about what she was hearing. The Shadow Broker was not someone you wanted to make your enemy, at least not lightly and it sounded to her as if T'Soni was pulling Spectre Shepard into whatever dispute the pureblood maiden had with the Broker.

He inclined his head, "You are welcome. Also during our normal intelligence gathering we intercepted communications between Nassana Dantius and Eclipse Captains Wasea and Enyala implicating certain local authorities in illegal activities. Mostly accepting bribes to make sure port authorities ignored particular incoming shipments and that investigations into certain criminal investigations were hampered to such an extent that they were effectively stopped."

Spectre Vasir's eyes narrowed, these were serious accusations and went a long way toward explaining some of the suspicious information she had seen in the government files she had broken into while searching for information on Shepard's activities. Personally, she detested Illium. It was an asari colony world, but too often in name only and in her opinion was barely better than Omega Station. Too many asari came here because they were planning on engaging in business that wouldn't be tolerated on any other asari colony world or Thessia.

Take indentured servitude for example, a practice that wasn't legal in the Asari Republics, but was legal here. Illium authorities made the practice sound benign, but the truth was it went hand in glove with permissive lending policies, which encouraged people to take on heavy debts, and the legalization of red sand, a substance asari and batarians could not become addicted to, but humans, turians, and salarians found highly addictive. Not surprisingly, the vast majority of those in indentured servitude were there because of high debt due to their red sand addiction or playing the markets and losing.

The salarian reached over and picked up another OSD chip and held it out to her, "If you are interested in pursuing it, this is the data we intercepted."

Tela accepted it; if this information was true then Shepard had already taken care of half of the problem. She just needed to deal with the worst offenders in the other half. "Oh, I'm definitely interested," she assured him.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The Mass Effect universe is the property of Bioware/Electronic Arts. No infringement of these copyrights is intended as this is a not for profit fan fiction work.
> 
> Warning: violence, parental death
> 
> Notes: This is inspired by the Beyonce song "Save the Hero," from the album I am…Sasha Fierce. This is an Alternate Universe story. The portrayal of Cerberus in my story is heavily influenced by the contents of the second and third Mass Effect books, Ascension and Retribution.
> 
> Additional Notes: New York Military Academy is one of the oldest military academies in the United States. I am aware that currently it is having financial and enrollment problems, but for the sake of the story I'm assuming that by 2170 it has emerged from its 2010 difficulties stronger than before and become a highly respected college and military academy preparatory school and is part of the Systems Alliance Junior Officer Training Program. I thought about moving the character to another military preparatory school, but I really wanted to keep her in NY State.
> 
> Rating: Mature
> 
> Feedback: Always welcome, feedback is what encourages me to keep writing. Please let me know what you like and what you dislike about the story.
> 
> Errors and Corrections: Yes, please let me know about any errors you see so that I can correct them. This is un-beta'ed so it probably has a few.
> 
> Revision History: 09/06/2010

**Normandy – Third Deck Portside Observation Room - evening on the same day as Normandy's arrival at Tuchanka**

"Shepard," the biotic glow around the asari seated in the middle of the floor dissipated in swirling mist of fading bluish-white haze as the human female came up beside her.

"Samara," Shepard paused for a second to return the greeting with a brief smile before continuing forward to look out the large observation window at the view of the grayish swirling mass of clouds that covered part of the planet Tuchanka. Seen from space the shroud was just as impressive a sight as it was from the planet's surface. Personally she had found being underneath the swirling clouds to be more than a tad oppressive as well, a constant reminder of the tenuousness of the planet's continued habitableness and the battle stations upon which that habitableness was dependent.

After a moment the justicar rose from the floor and came to join her at the window, "You seem troubled."

Shepard smiled wryly, "Troubled still, I suspect you actually mean." She knew that Samara expected they would search for the prothean memory that had allowed her to do what she did this afternoon, but she was certain it wasn't a good idea unless she could get her mind to stop chasing itself around and around. The way her thoughts were right now she'd just flood the asari's mind with her unsettled feelings and a barrage of mental images if Samara melded with her.

Pale blue eyes studied her reflection in the thick glass before them and then Samara inclined her head in a smooth, elegant motion, "I had noticed your earlier agitation."

Shepard drew in a slow, deep breath through her nose and then let it out just as slowly, agitation…that was a good word for her current state of mind. She thought about the analogy that had come to her earlier in the day, it was an accurate and honest way of describing how she currently felt. "I feel like someone set off an explosive grenade in both my professional and personal lives," she shared her thoughts from earlier, "and now, looking around at the devastation, I'm asking myself whether or not I want to try and rebuild something similar to what I had before," she snorted, "if that's really even possible considering everything that's going on with me these days, or try something different..." Her gaze unfocused as her thoughts turned inward, "Maybe reclaim a few parts of myself that I felt I had to leave behind."

There was a long stretch of silence, when she became aware of the length of it, Shepard turned her head and looked at the asari standing next to her. Samara was regarding her with serene composure, apparently waiting for her to continue or not as she wished. Shepard's lips twitched briefly upward in wry amusement, yet another example of how several centuries of experience could apparently bequeath one with truly enviable equanimity.

She returned her gaze to the view outside the window, and her smile faded as she drew in another deep, thoughtful breath. Did she want to continue? Another few seconds passed before she made up her mind. "I never considered joining the military until the slavers attacked Mindoir and killed my parents." She turned her head to meet Samara's gaze, "I wanted to be a dancer; I had since I was six and watched a very old video program of Mikhael Baryshnikov in the Nutcracker Suite." Amanda noted the brief widening of Samara's eyes; she had managed to surprise the justicar. Her lips curved upward in a smile that was heavily tinged with sadness. She turned back to the window, her gaze resting now not upon the shroud, but upon the vastness of space beyond the planet. As with nearly all things having to do with Mindoir, this story had no happy ending.

"The recording was so old they had to re-format it to even play on modern equipment. He was so beautiful, so graceful and powerful, even at the age of six he fascinated me. I wanted to be able to do what he did, to move like that," Amanda smiled as she turned partially toward the justicar and admitted, "unfortunately at six I wasn't nearly as coordinated or graceful. I was trying to do a leap that I had watched him do when I ran into and fell over the coffee table in the living room. The vase on the table fell off and broke on the floor and I split my chin open on the edge of the table so bad I needed to go to the medical center to get it sutured closed." She chuckled as she recalled her mother's exasperation with her, "I was holding a towel to my bleeding chin and trying to talk Mom into letting me move the thing so I could try again as soon as we returned home. The doctor had to get me to stop talking long enough for him to heal it. After that Mother arranged for me to study after school with one of the high school's theater teachers, Mrs. Barden and forbid me from dancing inside the house." She thought for a second and then corrected herself, "Joanne Barden, she specialized in dance and vocal training. The colony was lucky to have her, she was Julliard trained, but wanted to get away from Earth and teach."

"Julliard?" Samara questioned when Shepard didn't immediately continue speaking.

"One of three very prestigious Performing Arts Conservatories on the North American continent, and one of the seven most prestigious Conservatories on Earth," Amanda responded. "When I was nine Mrs. Barden wrote to the woman who had been her professor at Julliard and sent her some videos of my performances. I wasn't aware of that until much later, the only thing I knew was that Madame Katherine LeCroix settled on Mindoir and took over as my primary performing arts teacher a few months afterward." Amanda continued, "Once Madam LeCroix arrived, Mrs. Barden arranged for my training to fulfill my physical education requirement and my two elective course requirements. My studies expanded from dance and vocal training, to include music theory, musical training, acting, and acting theory. I went to school with the other children from eight in the morning to noon. Then I went to lunch, spent an hour working on that day's homework, and then spent the next three to five hours dancing, singing, practicing at the piano," she smiled, "and, at my mother's insistence, learning French from Madam LeCroix."

"That seems like a very long day for a young child," Samara observed, a slight touch of disapproval coloring her words.

Amanda gave the asari a bemused look, the justicar was so duty bound that she hadn't expected this reaction. It was true that most of the children her age had been out playing or watching videos or playing games instead of practicing for hours. There had been a few adults back then who had asked her about it as well. They had left her alone after she made it clear that dancing was what she wanted to do with her time. "I guess it was a long day, but didn't really seem that long to me," she replied. "Each day was different, one day I might be dancing and then doing voice training while speaking French the whole afternoon with Madame LeCroix and then the next day she'd limit my dancing to only an hour and then I'd practice piano for another hour and then we'd sit down and she would teach me music theory or acting theory." She grinned at the justicar, "Most days, as far as I was concerned, I got out of school early and got to play for the rest of the day while the other kids had to stay in class for several more hours."

"Ah," understanding crept into the asari's tone, "you were doing something you greatly enjoyed."

Amanda nodded, "I was, when I think back to those times I remember being very happy. Even the discovery when I was twelve that I was a biotic didn't affect me much since I wasn't interested in leaving Mindoir to train and without an amplifier implant my biotic talent wasn't strong enough that I had to worry about accidentally manifesting a mass effect field." A slight frown marred Samara's expression at this piece of information and a hint of puzzlement showed in the asari's eyes. It wasn't hard for Amanda to guess the reason for it. "Cerberus augmented my biotic abilities while they were rebuilding me," she explained, "somehow they were able recreate the receptive state a human's eezo nodules enter during puberty and exposed me to another dose of element zero to increase their size. What they did more than doubled their size."

The justicar's eyes widened slightly at that, she commented, "That is a significant change."

Amanda nodded her agreement, "Since I didn't get my amplifier implant or start my training until I entered the Academy and I was never that adept of a biotic anyway. I rarely used my biotics in combat before my death. That's why I've been sticking with the few techniques I already knew, but trying to get comfortable with using them more frequently and trying to increase my confidence in knowing when to use them. Well… except for using Suiadan's biotic charge," she added belatedly, thinking of the one exception to what she had just told the justicar.

Samara gave her a keen eyed look, "That is why you usually use only one or two types of biotic attacks during combat."

"Ah…yes," Amanda admitted feeling a bit embarrassed.

"You are adapting to their use quickly," Samara reassured her, "Before now I did not realize you were so unaccustomed to using your biotics during combat, I simply assumed that there were a few techniques that you heavily preferred over others. The ones you use you execute quite well, showing exceptional control and focus over the formation and shaping of your mass effect field."

"Thank you, though the control and focus are mostly due to Lindariel and Suiadan's memories rather than the strength of my own efforts," Amanda demurred.

The asari regarded her sagely, "You are the one displaying your mastery of their knowledge and techniques."

Amanda considered this for a moment and then inclined her head in acknowledgement of Samara's words. Silence fell between them. Amanda turned back to the window and the view of space. It was time for her to continue her story and this part of her past was simply too painful to recall while facing the asari. "As I was saying, I was happy with my life for the next six years. Then, two months past my sixteenth birthday, batarian slavers attacked our colony. Mrs. Barden, Madame LeCroix, my father and mother were all killed during the attack, as was most of the rest of the colony who weren't dragged off to be slaves," she said flatly. "My teachers and my mother's deaths were in part my fault," she added quietly after a second. Amanda sensed Samara turn her head to stare at her, but she didn't look over at the asari. This would be hard enough without looking into those too seeing pale blue eyes.

"Mindoir has always been primarily an agricultural colony," she began, putting off remembering that day for a little longer. "My family owned several hundred acres of land where we grew primarily cereal crops like wheat, corn and barley that had been bio-engineered specifically for the colony. Like most of the colonists, our home was located within the closest settlement." Samara tilted her head slightly and looked puzzled at her statement, prompting Amanda to explain, "It was based on old English and later North American New England style settlement design. Farmland is assigned to each settlement family in an expanding square-grid pattern along with a block of land in the main settlement for a home. It's easier to provide community services that way, like schools and medical facilities, and it also fosters a stronger community than if everyone lived on isolated farmsteads several kilometers away from each other."

At Samara's nod of understanding, Amanda continued, "We were just finishing up with breakfast when the alert sirens sounded. Because he had served a term in the Alliance Navy when he was younger, my father was part of the colonial militia which supplemented the small Alliance garrison stationed there. Father hugged and kissed me, kissed Mother, told us he loved us, and then left to join up with the other militia members while we headed toward the settlement's shelter." Her hands reflexively clenched into fists before partially relaxing, that had been the last time she had seen her father alive. "We were part way there when we spotted a group of batarians. Mother pulled us into hiding by one of the buildings. I think she was thinking about backtracking, going around the outer perimeter of the colony or even trying our luck in the wilderness. Only I saw the batarians dragging Mrs. Barden and Madame LeCroix out of one of the school administration buildings. I don't know why they were there that early; school didn't start for another hour." Amanda paused, trying to remember. It was hard, so much of that day was only bits and pieces of scenes and scents and sounds instead of a coherent stream of memories.

"I don't know what I was thinking," she confessed, "I..." her voice trailed off as she remember the strange looking aliens with their huge looking weapons pointed at the two women, shoving them roughly along in front of them. "They were frightened. Mrs. Barden was crying. One of the batarians shouted at her, called her an animal, raised his weapon and slammed the butt end of it down on her back. He knocked her down. She fell so hard on the pavement, cried out in pain. I jumped up from where I was hiding." Amanda stopped speaking for a moment to take a few breaths, bring herself out of the memory a little bit. She was very aware of Samara standing next to her, the asari having turned away from the window to face her. "It was stupid, what was I going to do? Run out and attack them with my bare hands or my inaccessible and untrained biotics? I was just so angry at seeing those batarians treating them like that; I wanted to stop them from hurting them."

"I remember seeing Madam LeCroix's face," Amanda hung her head, "our eyes met. I think one of the batarian's noticed, he started to turn our way and she attacked him. The next thing I knew my mother was grabbing me and pulling me back behind the building. I'm not sure if Mrs. Barden joined in or not, only that there was a lot of shouting and shots fired. Then there was silence and mother pulled me around. She put her hand over my mouth and gripped my face mouthed 'silence' at me. She looked so angry. Then she grabbed my wrist and started pulling me after her. It hurt; her grip on me was so tight. We headed back to our house. The batarians had to have seen something because I could hear them talking to one another behind us and so could Mother, she kept glancing back."

"We got back to our house, in the kitchen there was this strange corner storage unit mother designed herself. It had these large multi-tiered circular shelves on a vertical axel that spun and could be pulled out on sliding rails," Amanda held her hands out about fifteen inches apart, indicating the size of the shelves, "Behind that were more shelves that moved forward once the circular shelves were pulled all the way forward. I don't know why she even had them put in," Amanda commented, "she constantly forgot about anything she put back there and had to throw it out." She remembered how her mother used to frown and fuss whenever it happened, but always put things back there anyway. She closed her eyes for a moment, remembering how she had thought it was funny that her mother kept trying to use them.

"If the circular shelves were full," she opened her eyes and continued, "which they usually were as Mother kept all her cleaning supplies for the entire house there, then it was really dark behind them. If you didn't realize you could pull out the circular shelves, you couldn't really tell there were more shelves in the back unless you actually bent down and looked for them. Mother pulled the circular shelves out, pulled the top and second shelves behind it forward, grabbed the items on the top shelf and put them on the second. Then she ordered me to crawl up on the top shelf. Snapped, 'now' at me when I hesitated," her mother's voice had been so hard, so harsh. "I was confused, frightened, by what was happening, by the way Mother was acting. I crawled up there. Mother told me to stay there and be quiet no matter what happened. Made me swear. She grabbed my hand and put it over my mouth, told me to keep it there as a reminder to be completely silent. When she did that, I thought she was really angry at me for earlier." Out of the corner of her eye she noticed Samara frown, but continued before the asari could interrupt her. "Then she knelt and bent forward, grabbed my head and pressed her face against mine for a few seconds, and then she released me." Her voice faltered, her emotional control shredding in the face of her memories.

Samara lifted her hand, reached out and rested it upon human's shoulder. "Shepard…" the asari paused for a brief moment and then corrected herself, "Amanda, you do not have to continue," she said her voice quiet, compassionate. "I believe I can guess what happened next. You do not need to tell me."

Amanda glanced over at the asari, reached up, placed her own hand over Samara's and gently squeezing before releasing it and letting her hand drop down to her side again. "This isn't the first time I've ever told this," she explained to Samara, "just the first time with these…" Amanda paused and returned her gaze to the view outside observation window before finishing, "refreshed memories. It makes it...harder," she reluctantly admitted. She looked over at the asari once again, "You're probably wondering why I'm telling you about this; it's because you'll never understand what's been bothering me, why being a Marine has been so important to me, without knowing about what happened on Mindoir and afterward."

Samara lifted her hand from the human's shoulder. "Very well," she reluctantly acquiesced.

Amanda drew in a deep, steadying breath and turned back to stare out the observation window before continuing, "After she released me, she pushed the shelf I was lying upon back into place as well as the one below it, and then slid the circular shelves back into place. She grabbed a knife and then pressed herself against the wall by the door and waited." She closed her eyes for a moment; her memories flashing back to that point in time, painting the scene upon her closed eyelids with a vividness that she cursed.

"I was lying in the dark looking out between some disinfectant wipes and a container of vinegar when the batarians came through the door. Mother managed to cut one of them pretty bad across the face before the others shot her. Her body jerked as the projectiles hit, the back of her blue shirt tore and darkened, she fell onto the floor. I didn't do anything. I laid there with my hand over my mouth and kept silent like she had made me swear I would as I watched the blood spread over the white tiles of the kitchen floor and how still she was lying there while they ransacked the house looking for anyone else. Never once did they search where I was hiding, they could see the circular shelves and never bothered to look past them. Finally they left. I crawled out of my hiding place, to my mother." Amanda's voice quieted, her next words came out as nearly a whisper, "Her eyes were so empty, there was so much blood. So dark red against the…"

"Amanda!" Samara reached over and shook the human woman realizing that she was caught up in the memory, reliving it.

The brown haired woman jerked away from her touch and turned to face her. Amanda shook her head; her haunted light grey eyes finally seemed to focus on Samara. "She might still be alive if I hadn't acted so stupidly."

"Or you might have both been captured or killed," Samara stated plainly, "you cannot know what might have happened."

Amanda bowed her head for a second before raising it again to meet the asari's gaze, "Intellectually I know that, I had two years of therapy to help me deal with my mother's death and everything else that happened during the attack." She shook her head, her shoulder length hair swaying a little around her face, "It's never really rid me of the responsibility I feel for what happened."

Samara tilted her head slightly to the side and stared at her for a long moment. "Your mother died protecting you," the asari stated when she finally broke her silence. "Now that you are of an age to have your own child would you not do the same?"

"Of course," Amanda didn't even have to think about the answer. She would protect her child with every fiber of her being.

Samara's next question came directly on the heels of Amanda's answer to the first, "If you were the teacher of a child, guiding her and teaching her all that you knew while watching her grow over the years into a young woman, would you not act to protect her from harm, even if it meant harm to yourself?"

Amanda glared at the justicar; she knew what Samara was doing. It wasn't as if the asari was bothering to be subtle about it. "You know I would."

"Yes, I do," Samara agreed calmly, seemingly not in the least bit perturbed by the narrow-eyed glare directed her way.

Amanda growled underneath her breath and turned sharply back toward the window. She wasn't happy with the turn the conversation had taken and she wasn't happy with how effectively Samara had just made her point. She had been trying to ignore these memories since she had woken up from being dead, had only been interested in getting them to stop troubling her sleep. It had been years since she had questioned whether or not her lingering guilt over what had happened was justified. She had just accepted that it was and that she was partially responsible for what had happened to her teachers, to her mother.

Samara was right though, she was old enough to have children of her own and to consider what she would be willing to do to protect them. It certainly made for a different perspective on the events of that day. Without any combat training and in the same position, she knew she would have done exactly what Madam LeCroix had done. She knew she would have done exactly what her mother had done. They had done what they could to protect her, to keep her from being captured or killed. She knew how batarians treated their slaves. She had read the military and civilian reports on the batarians brutal treatment of those they captured and then two years ago she had listened as another Mindoir survivor who hadn't escaped the batarian slavers that day, Talitha, had told her exactly how the batarians treated their slaves. Branded, forbidden to use their names, implanted with control devices in their skulls without anesthetic, then punished, beaten, and abused at the batarian's whims. Treated as less than animals, for no race that she knew of treated their animals as cruelly as the batarians treated their slaves.

Amanda had managed to talk the young woman down from killing herself and into taking a sedative so she could be treated, but what the traumatized woman had told her had been haunting. She could have so easily shared Talitha's fate instead of remaining free. Amanda didn't know how aware the adult colonists had been of how they would be treated if they were captured and became batarian slaves, but she remembered hearing the occasional comment that indicated that they probably knew it wasn't something they wanted to happen to them or anyone else. Had that knowledge played a part in her Mother's decision to attack the batarians instead of surrendering to them? Had it played a part in Madam LeCroix's decision?

Her expression now contemplative rather than annoyed, Amanda looked back over at Samara who was now standing with her hands clasp behind her back as she serenely regarded Shepard. "I've had people tell me that adults are supposed to protect children before, but I haven't had anyone put it to me quite that way…probably because I was too young at the time to understand. I'll think about what you've said." She stood there for a long moment her emotions still jumbled inside her; finally she added a sincere, "Thank you."

Samara's response was unexpected, the asari smiled at her. It wasn't an especially broad one, but it was a definite smile. "You consistently surprise me with your willingness to listen and consider what I have said Amanda." Then she added, amusement clear in her tone, "Especially when your first reaction to my words is less than welcoming."

Amanda blushed in embarrassment, she knew she had reacted poorly, "Sorry about that," she apologized, "it's been a long time since I thought about whether or not or how guilty I should feel about how everything happened that day. I assumed the question was resolved, that I was guilty for setting things in motion because of my impulsiveness. I still believe I'm at least in part responsible for the things that occurred because of what I did, but I'll also keep in mind that my mother and Madame LeCroix had their own reasons for what they did as well and that in their place I would have likely done the same thing."

"I did not say what I said to embarrass you Amanda," Samara demurred, unclasping her hands from behind her back, "That you can so swiftly overcome your initial resistance to give opinions other than your own due consideration is to be commended. As for your guilt, from what I have seen of your mother in your memories, I cannot believe she would want you to take on such a heavy burden of blame for what happened."

Amanda just stared at the asari for a few moments after Samara made the statement. When she was younger, she had believed that her mother had been angry at her just before she died. Not even her grandmother or her therapist repeatedly trying to explain to her that she had misinterpreted her mother's reaction could completely rid that belief from her mind. It wasn't until years later, after she experienced for herself what it felt like to be fearful for another's safety that she had realized that she had been wrong and they had been right. What she had seen had been her mother's fear for her and her determination to protect her. Was this a similar case? Had she mistakenly held onto this guilt for too long, and would her mother have wanted her to feel this way for so many years? "I'll add that to the things I need to think about." Amanda smiled crookedly, "You know you're not helping me quiet my mind here," she shook her head and ruefully added, "in fact you're just adding to it."

Samara regarded her with a chiding expression, "I do not believe you came to me simply for a sympathetic ear and the mindless soothing of your concerns."

Amanda let out a huff of laughter, "No I didn't," she acknowledged with a smile. She hadn't known the justicar for very long, but the very idea that Samara would do the equivalent of patting her on the head and telling her everything would be alright seemed to border on the absurd.

Seconds later, that smile slipped away as Amanda thought about the fact she wasn't done telling Samara about what had happened on Mindoir. She sighed, "Back to what happened on Mindoir…" She glanced out the window at the view of the planet below as she thought about what she wanted to say. "I don't know how long I knelt beside her," how long she had cried as quietly as she could beside her mother's body, Amanda thought, but did not say aloud, "before I finally got up and crept to the window to look outside. Batarians prefer to capture when their on a slave grab, but they have no problem killing anyone who fights them. There were a few dead bodies lying on the grass and sidewalks, I recognized most of them, neighbors and people I knew from around the colony. There were some blackened places as well, but I didn't realize until much later that was a sign that some of the batarians were using incendiary ammunition." There had been an odd smell too, burnt mixed in with a slight odor of charred meat. She was glad that she hadn't known what it was then; it was bad enough that she remembered the smell now and knew exactly why those blackened marks had smelt that way. It was one of the reasons she refused to use incendiary ammo on anything except for mechs.

"I realized that I could hear the sounds of fighting off in the distance. I snuck out of the house and carefully made my way toward it." Amanda didn't remember if she had been scared that day or not. She remembered the rising heat as the sun rose toward noon, heralding another hot summer day. She remembered how the droning of the insects around the dead bodies and her footsteps had seemed so loud while everything seemed oddly quiet and still at the same time. She remembered how she had felt numb and a bit disconnected from what was going on around her, and how she had desperately wanted to find her father or another colonist. "I think I was hoping that maybe my father was still alive and fighting the batarians along with the other colonists," she explained to Samara, very aware of the asari's intent expression as the justicar listened to her. "It wasn't though; it was a group of five Alliance Marines. The batarians outnumbered them and since there was a dead Marine lying in the grass between the aliens and where I was hiding, I guessed that the Marines were retreating."

"The dead Marine's rifle was lying on the ground about ten feet away from me. I had played enough shooter games and seen enough action videos to know that if I could get that rife and fire on the batarians from where I was behind them that it would help the Marines." Amanda fell silent, there had been another reason she had wanted that weapon. As soon as she had seen the batarians something in her had woken and driven away some of the numbness. Anger and hate for the batarians, the desire to kill them…any one of them. Over time those emotions had faded, but she still fought them within herself to this day. Almost letting that batarian on Omega die of the plague simply because of his race was proof enough of that. She bowed her head, "And by then I burned with the desire to kill them," her tone betrayed the truth of what she was saying, remembered anger a darkly ardent undertone, "I hated them all for what they had done to my mother, to my teachers, to everyone." She drew in a bitter breath, "And despite the fact that I had done what my mother told me to do, I hated myself for doing nothing as they killed her," she added quietly.

"Amanda," Samara said, sounding troubled.

The brown haired woman turned her head and held up one hand as she looked over at the asari, silently asking for a moment. She closed her eyes and took in a deep calming breath; she was neither sixteen anymore or on Mindoir. When she opened her eyes several seconds later they were once again clear. She let her hand drop back to her side, "It's alright," she interrupted before Samara could say anything else. "I've had a few years of therapy and time to come to terms with what happened that day. My dislike of batarians is still something I struggle with," she admitted, "but I don't feel like shooting every batarian I meet anymore. I'm just telling you about what I felt at the time, what was motivating me." Their eyes met and for once Amanda's gaze was more calm and accepting than the asari's. After a moment's study of her expression the justicar nodded in acceptance.

Amanda turned her thoughts back to the past, "I crawled across the grass to the rifle, keeping an eye on the batarians who were focused on the Marines firing at them, grabbed it and then crawled back behind the building as fast as I could. It took me a minute or so to figure where things were on it and how to fire it. It wasn't quite as simple as just point and shoot like in the video games I had played. As soon as I thought I understood how it worked, I knelt down and eased forward until I could see one of the batarians. I aimed the rifle at him and then I made the basic mistake of squeezing the trigger and holding it," Amanda smiled grimly, "I wasn't prepared for the recoil or the way the barrel rose. The rifle was pointed a few feet up in the air instead of at the batarian by the time I let go of the trigger. Luckily for me it didn't matter. I suspect the few shots that did hit him took out his shields and one of the Marines got him because he was lying on the grass dead by the time I thought look and see what happened to him and if he was going to shoot back at me."

"The batarians started firing in my direction. I ducked back behind the building, and tried to think of what to do. I knew one shot would hurt or kill me," Amanda hesitated, her mood turning grim as she remembered that moment, "and honestly at that particular time I wasn't really certain if I cared." It was true, she hadn't really cared if she lived or died, only that she struck back at them somehow. "As soon as I stopped hearing projectiles hit the building I was hiding behind I moved forward again and as soon as I saw another batarian I started firing at him. This time I remembered to burst fire, which was a bit more of a trick with a real weapon than simply holding down a button for a second or two."

"The batarian was turning to fire on me when his shields failed and I shot him in the head," Amanda said flatly. She heard Samara draw in a breath at this, but the justicar didn't say anything. "I knew it was my shot because of the hole I could see and the blood spattered on the crate behind him," she continued. "I felt a sense of satisfaction…. and I felt sick. Everything suddenly felt…" Her light grey eyes narrowed as she tried to find the words to explain it, finally she shrugged, "Real again, I guess, like some of the numbness was gone."

Amanda fell silent for a brief moment before musing, "I thought I had forgotten most of that, but I guess those were some of the memories which had just one pathway to them or something." She shook her head; it was strange being able to remember so much of that day once again. "Anyway, the sound of projectiles hitting the side of the building made me move back again, but this time it didn't stop. I guess the remaining batarians decided to split their attention between the Marines and me. That was enough though; it allowed the Marines to kill the rest of them."

"It got quiet and then I heard the Marines calling out to me… well to whomever had helped them really because they were shocked when I stepped out from behind the building." Amanda smiled wryly, "They were expecting someone older and were impressed at what I had done." A second went by and the smile on her face faded as she confessed, "I didn't feel like talking to them much right then. They had landed from the Alliance carrier, SSV Einstein, in response to our signal for help. They wore armor and had weapons, seemed so strong and confident, and they were there to stop the batarians." Her jaw set in a grim line, "And I had hidden while my mother was killed. I'm sure they didn't understand why I wasn't exactly eager to tell them how I had managed to escape capture. Or why I didn't seem to be feeling especially proud of how I had helped them. All I was thinking about as I felt the weight of the rifle in my hands was that if I had one of these earlier I might have been able to do something besides hide and keep silent as the batarians killed my teachers and my mother. But I hadn't and I didn't. All I knew was how to pretend fight and make it look good on stage, the time I had spent goofing off and playing video games seemed more useful right then than anything I had learned studying with Madame LeCroix."

Beside her the justicar shifted her weight from one foot to the other and Amanda could almost sense the asari's desire to disagree with her, but Samara didn't say anything. She looked over and gave the asari a reassuring look, "It's alright, there's a lot of difference between how a teenager interprets a situation and how an adult interprets the same situation. I know now that if I'd had a weapon back then I'd probably just have gotten myself and anyone with me killed. The video games I played might have given me a clue about how to aim and shoot a rifle and to duck when someone shot at me, but their definitely inadequate at teaching how real combat feels and how real sentient opponents fight." Her lips curved upwards in a wry smile, "Besides," she added dryly knowing that this was the truth, "if I'd had found a rifle and picked it up my mother would have taken it away from me so fast I'd barely had time to register that I'd actually managed to hold it for a second."

Her comment had the welcome side effect of lightening the solemn mood between them, and she was pleased to see Samara's lips curve upward in an answering smile. "I had seen recruitment videos," Amanda continued, "and I had heard the arguments about the Alliance not doing enough to protect the colonies. As I mentioned, my father was ex-Alliance Navy. He served a regular five year enlistment before getting out and going back to school to get a dual degree in business and agriculture. Every time someone complained he always counter argued that if more people joined the military then the Alliance might have a large enough force to garrison something more than a small scouting unit on every colony world. That we might get enough troops stationed on Mindoir to actually dissuade the batarians and pirates from attacking, and if they did attack would be big enough to defend us instead of relying on the Alliance Navy patrols getting the alert and responding in time to stop the attack before too much damage was done."

Meeting Samara's gaze, Amanda stated, "That was the moment I first began thinking about joining the Alliance Marines when I got old enough instead of continuing my performance art training." She had expected to feel as if the justicar's pale blue eyes were staring right through her, instead she found the asari's calm gaze steadying. "It was a few hours before there were enough Alliance forces on Mindoir to drive off the batarians." She began summarizing the last few hours of the attack and the following two days. "The slaver's attack was well coordinated and they had a sizable force. By the time it was over, the batarians had killed most of us and dragged the rest off to be slaves. I was one of the very few survivors left. I later learned that my father had died early on in the attack. My only remaining living relative was my father's mother, Alexandria Shepard who lived in New York City."

"The Appellate Court Judge," Samara said, recalling their conversation in the docking bay with Detective Anaya.

Amanda nodded, "The Alliance had me on a ship headed back to Earth and my grandmother two days after the attack." Her memory of her grandmother had her cocking her head to the side as she studied the justicar, "You remind me a bit of her," Amanda said thoughtfully, "the wisdom in your eyes. The sense of having seen many things, both good and bad."

Samara stared back at her for a moment looking faintly surprised at her comment, and then gracefully inclined her head in acknowledgement. "I do not doubt that your grandmother gained much experience with both during her time as a judge for your people."

"She had been a judge for thirty-eight years when I came to live with her," Amanda thought about that for a moment and then added, "not in the same court of course. She started out as a New York State assistant district attorney, then became a state criminal court judge and worked her way up to being a federal judge." Her thoughts turned toward the day the ship had arrived at Earth, "I hadn't seen her since my grandfather's funeral five years earlier. She came onto the ship, met me in my room and just wrapped her arms around me." Her eyes closed, "We cried," she felt the sting of tears as the memory of her grandmother's arms around her drew up emotions from long past. Amanda felt a few slip free and trail warm down her cheeks. In the quiet of the room, she heard Samara draw in a deeper breath. She drew in a shaky breath of her own, opened her eyes, and raised her hand to wipe her tears away. It was time to move on.

"I wanted to enlist in the Alliance military as soon as I was old enough," she willed her voice to be steady, "but my grandmother talked me into completing high school and then applying for the Academy to get an officer's commission." As she continued speaking, the painful emotions eased and it became easier to speak. Finally she felt able to glance back over at Samara as she spoke, "Though she didn't initially like the idea, I ended up going to New York Military Academy, a military preparatory boarding school about sixty miles north of the city in the Hudson Highlands area. Mindoir wasn't a crowded settlement, and quite frankly at the time I found New York City to be a bit overwhelming," she ruefully admitted. "I liked the idea of getting out of the city, and my grandmother had to acknowledge that work kept her really busy during the week so I wouldn't have seen much of her anyway. Instead we both concentrated on the weekends, she came up and rented a hotel room or picked me up and I spent the weekend with her." Amanda turned toward the asari and away from the window, "We made it quality time together."

"I know my grandmother hoped that military boarding school life would cause me to rethink my decision to join the Alliance Marines." Remembering her grandmother and some of the discussions they had had about her future, Amanda smiled. Then it had been rather annoying, though neither of them had allowed their discussions to become arguments. "She didn't want me to give up my dreams of becoming a dancer. Failing that, she would have preferred that I follow in her or my grandfather, John Shepard's, footsteps and become a lawyer, or if I needed to protect people, my great-grandfather's, Philip Mistotakis, footsteps and be a police officer." Amanda drew in a sighing breath, "She especially wanted me to stay on Earth instead of going back out to the colonies. That didn't happen. The more I studied, trained, and participated in military and athletic activities like martial arts and soccer, the more I was certain that joining the Alliance Marines was exactly what I wanted to do." Amanda chuckled, "In which case, I was still following family tradition on all sides of my family, Shepard, O'Neill, Lewis and Mistotakis."

Amanda noted the gleam of curiosity in Samara's eyes at her comment, but decided not to elaborate. Her grandmother had been a bit of a genealogist, she didn't want to get side-tracked into a discussion of her ancestry and her ancestors who had served in Earth's various militaries. "Grandmother didn't press going to law school with me once it was clear that wasn't an interest of mine. I suspect she learned the pitfalls of that with my father. As I mentioned, both of my grandparents were lawyers, and I know they wanted my dad to follow in their footsteps and go to Columbia University School of Law. He wasn't interested in getting a higher education then, so instead he joined the Alliance Navy and went to the Alliance's technical school to learn how to be an equipment maintenance technician." Amanda shrugged, "I think my dad just preferred doing things with his hands, he loved being out in the fields and working on the farm equipment." She had never truly understood her parent's love of the land. She had loved her home and she had loved them, but their passion for working with the soil...she hadn't shared that love with them. She had and still loved doing things with her body.

"I too had no desire to continue my scholarly studies past those required of all young asari," Samara remarked when Amanda didn't immediately continue speaking, drawing Amanda's attention away from her thoughts. "I decided to go into commando training instead. Were your grandparents displeased with your father's choice?"

"Eh," Amanda raised her hand and waggled it from side to side, "I wouldn't say they were displeased, but they would have rather he went to an Academy and became an officer. I know my grandmother was relieved that she talked me into that much. It wasn't difficult for her to do; even then I knew I'd be much happier being an officer and at least have a chance of making the decisions, or at least have a voice in making the decisions, which I would have to carry out."

For a few brief seconds Samara smirked, Amanda had time to look once and then, with a double-take, look again to verify her first impression before it was gone. "You do not seem the type to meekly follow another's orders unless they are ones with which you are in agreement," Samara observed in an amused tone.

Feeling a bit defensive, Amanda replied, "I can follow orders."

"I did not say that you cannot," Samara responded mildly. "Leadership comes naturally to you and you are gifted at it. I cannot see you meekly following the orders of someone less gifted than you, especially if you judged those orders to be morally wrong or likely to result in unnecessary casualties."

She couldn't, and more importantly didn't want to, disagree with that statement. "True," Amanda acknowledged with a nod, "I would have serious issues with such orders. Fortunately, the Alliance doesn't have the numbers to tolerate grossly incompetent officers who get people killed. As for orders which are in violation of military law, or which would require me to violate my honor as a Marine or sully the reputation of the Alliance Marine Corps, I've certainly never been given such an order and would challenge it and the issuer if I were given one." And that was a contributing factor to her current dilemma. She had not had any significant issues with her superiors, subordinates, or the Alliance military in general until she had been made a Spectre, and then a whole host of people suddenly thought they needed to question her competence and/or loyalty.

"Being a Marine is very important to you isn't it?" Samara's pale blue eyes were keen upon her.

Amanda realized she had unconsciously straightened and squared her shoulders as she spoke, and made an effort to relax her stance. She sighed, "That's not quite the right way to think about it. It goes beyond just being important to me. When the Systems Alliance military began training its own Marine recruits, they examined over six hundred years worth of recruit training methods and then sought the assistance of sociologists and psychologists. Our training today is directly based on the Marine training of the old United States Marine Corps and the British Royal Marines. Alliance Marine Basic Recruit Training is twenty weeks of intensive training and…" she smiled wryly, "well they call it character conditioning, but it's really indoctrination." She met Samara's eyes, "By the end of boot camp you haven't just learned the skills and knowledge required to be a Marine, you are a Marine or you've been failed out of training."

She grimaced, her memory reminding her of a few notable exceptions. "Of course there are always those who somehow manage to slide through without the drill instructors realizing they aren't Marine material, but honestly that's rare. I've only run into three and I helped get all three of them court marshaled and discharged. They were using their positions in supply to smuggle illegal technology and drugs between colonies. I contacted NID with my suspicions and then worked with them to get all three put away in jail." Seeing the slight frown form on Samara's face, she explained the acronym, "Systems Alliance Naval Investigative Division." Realization lit the justicar's pale blue eyes and the asari nodded in understanding.

Amanda sighed, and gestured to the floor, this discussion was turning out to be more involved than she had anticipated. "Mind if we take a seat for the rest of this?" She didn't really expect that Samara would object and wasn't surprised when the justicar merely shook her head and went to sit in her usual spot. At least the asari still seemed very interested in the conversation, even if it was taking her awhile to get to the point of it.

"I've been a Marine ever since I completed the modified version of basic training Marine officer cadets take during the summer that follows their first year at SAMA," Amanda commented as soon as they were both settled. "Twelve years of active service, nine as an officer, and eight as a Special Forces officer. When I went to the Citadel to ask the Council for assistance, Captain Bailey of C-Sec took care of straightening out my legal situation as far as the Citadel and Council are concerned. That didn't include the Alliance military however, there's a specific way you're supposed to repatriate POW/MIA personnel in the Alliance which I short-circuited by getting reinstated as a Spectre and then immediately heading out to stop the Collectors."

"You remember that I said I had been considering whether or not I should resign my commission before I died?" Upon Samara's nod Amanda continued, "I could have taken the time to fill out the paperwork and send it in through Anderson if I'd been really serious about it." She leaned forward and supported the weight of her upper body by resting her elbows on her thighs. A deep frown formed upon her face, "I could send in the paperwork now, authorize Anderson to act as my legal proxy for this and get things at least started if not completely squared away with the Alliance."

"I've been giving that some serious thought since Illium, telling myself that I've made the decision to resign my commission, why not just go ahead and put in the paperwork and get it done." Amanda hesitated a second before reluctantly admitting, "Only the more I thought about actually sending in that paperwork, actually resigning my commission…the more I realized how hard actually taking that final step is for me." Her voice got quieter, "It's made me realize just how much I've shaped my life around being a Marine and an officer." Her eyes sought the justicar's, "I thought that maybe talking about it with you would help me resolve it one way or another so I could put it behind me."

Samara studied her intently, her expression thoughtful. Finally she nodded. Still she didn't immediately speak. Several seconds passed before she said, "There are many challenges, both personal and mission related, which currently confront you. Are you certain this a decision that must be made before we pass through the Omega 4 relay and confront whatever lies on the other side?"

Amanda responded with a rueful smile. It was a good question, "I've asked myself that already, but I can't get this out of my head. I learned the same day as I awakened that the Alliance and Council began discrediting both me and everything I'd said about the Reapers immediately following my death. Then I went to the Citadel and spoke to the Council and heard it for myself. I managed to mostly avoid thinking about it for almost two months after that, and then I finally read the files the Illusive Man sent me while in transit to Illium. In the past week or so it's really started to dominate my thoughts, but I can't seem to get anywhere with making a firm decision about it." Amanda grimaced as she admitted, "My thoughts and my feelings are just chasing each other around in my head. I was hoping that if I talked about it with you I might start thinking about all of it more logically and less emotionally."

Silence fell between them once again while Samara considered the human across from her. "You began this conversation by saying that you felt as if both your professional and personal lives had been shattered," the justicar commented when she spoke next, "and that you were trying to decide how you wished to rebuild them. I believe I understand why you became a Marine, but I do not understand why the actions of the Alliance and Council following your death are affecting you as strongly as what you have said to me would indicate. Before today I was not even aware this was a matter of such concern to you."

Amanda stared at the justicar in some bemusement as she realized that although this had been a frequent topic of her recent thoughts, she had not actually said much about it to anyone. Just the brief mention of it last week aboard Rayna's ship. "I guess I haven't spoken much about this," she responded, "it's really only dominated my thoughts…" Her mouth twisted in a somewhat bitter smile as she realized exactly when this had become an issue, "It's only dominated my thoughts since I started getting over being bothered by how many cybernetic and synthetic parts I have in me now. I seemed to have sorted through one issue only to have another one come to light," she said with a frown.

Samara's expression gentled, "I am pleased to hear that you are coming to terms with the changed nature of your body, Amanda."

Shepard was at first confused and then touched by the asari's words. Samara was right; it was a major milestone, even if it had been promptly replaced by yet another issue. She nodded. "It's taken me awhile but I think I'm finally coming to terms with what Cerberus did to me to get me back on my feet…and even to appreciate some of it."

The asari smiled at that before her expression turned more thoughtful. "Perhaps is not surprising that you would come to terms with one difficulty only to discover another that had been overshadowed by the first," Samara commented thoughtfully. "If you explained further why you feel so troubled by the Alliance's actions, you might, as you indicated you wished, begin to think about them less emotionally, and I would better understand why this distresses you so."

Amanda grimaced at that, she hated to think of herself as distressed. Children were distressed, innocent maidens were distressed…Marines were never distressed. But then again wasn't that part of the problem? And it wasn't as if she could exactly disagree with Samara's characterization of her current emotional state.

Annoyed with her thoughts, Amanda expelled her breath in a short huff, and nodded in response to Samara's request. "Then I need to explain something I've only just realized… to what extent I've built my life and identity around being a Marine." Across from her, Samara shifted slightly, settling into what appeared to be more comfortable position. Judging from the justicar's intent expression, the asari seemed to be quite interested in what she was saying.

"As I mentioned," Amanda said, "it started at the New York Military Academy. They had a Systems Alliance Junior Officer Training Program, or SAJOTP, designed to help interested cadets get prepared either for entry into SAMA, the Systems Alliance Military Academy, or going into enlisted training for either the Systems Alliance Navy or Marine Corps. I joined as soon as I started school there. Becoming an Alliance Marine seemed the perfect way to make sure I never had to feel what I felt on Mindoir ever again. I never wanted to feel that helpless again, to never again have to hide and just watch while someone I loved died for me. I wanted to be strong and able to protect others and myself, and I wanted to be able to stop what had happened to my home from happening to anyone else."

Amanda noticed the slight narrowing of Samara's eyes at that and the slight facial shift as the asari subtly frowned. "Naive I know," she acknowledged with a sigh, "no one and no amount of training can guarantee that, but that's what I hoped at the time." Samara's expression softened and she dipped her head briefly in a minute nod. Seeing it Amanda's own expression became softer as she regarded the asari who was rapidly becoming one of her closest confidants. After a moment she continued, "All the energy I put into my dancing and other performance arts skills I promptly put into learning everything my SAJOTP advisor, Chief McDougal who was a retired Systems Alliance Marine, told me would guarantee me a slot at the Systems Alliance Military Academy. I took martial arts training, joined the marksmanship team, and finally the soccer team because he told me having a team sport on my record would look good and it would both teach me how to work with others in a unit and how to keep up with what was going on around me." Flashes of memory from various matches she had played rose within her mind and she smiled, "Chief McDougal was right it did, soccer's a very fast paced game. You have to keep up with the ball, the placement of your team and the opposing team, what they are likely to do, and what tactic you need to use to score."

"I turned eighteen, graduated from the New York Military Academy, and was accepted by the Systems Alliance Military as an Alliance Marine Corps officer candidate," Amanda summed up the ending of two years during which she had left behind one possible future for a completely different one into a single sentence. "Instead of a summer break that year, I along with every other plebe or incoming cadet took two weeks and then started what is known as Plebe Summer. An eight week course designed to introduce new cadets to military life and get us into shape to actually start the Academy in the fall. Unlike some of the other office candidates, most of it was fairly easy for me," she commented with a smile. "That was when I began molding myself into being the best Marine officer I could be."

She paused for a second to collect her thoughts before saying, "I mentioned the character conditioning or indoctrination that goes on in both enlisted training and in officer training." When Samara nodded, she continued, "All militaries indoctrinate their members into certain ways of thinking, and historically the Marines more so than most other militaries. It's where the saying once a Marine always a Marine comes from, the mindset that's drilled into you from the very beginning of your training. It's a code of values, beliefs and behaviors that span the ranks from the lowest enlisted to the highest ranking officer…or it should," Amanda amended darkly.

"Marines have three core values that define them," without consciously thinking about it Amanda raised herself up from the way she had been leaning forward with the weight of her upper body resting partially upon her elbows and straightened her back. "The first is Honor." Amanda's voice strengthened and deepened as she began reciting the three values from memory. Something she didn't notice, but which was definitely noted by the listening asari. "Marines hold themselves to the highest ethical and moral standards. Marines treat others and themselves with respect and act in a manner befitting their standing as a member of the Alliance Marine Corps at all times. The second value is Courage. To a Marine, courage is a combination of mental, moral and physical strength. Courage steadies a Marine and allows them to overcome challenges that might otherwise prevent them from doing their duty. Marines know that courage does not mean an absence of fear, but not letting fear overcome them or stop them from accomplishing their mission. The third value is Commitment. Commitment is what drives Marines to serve the Alliance and those we are sworn to protect with dedication and determination in everything we do and with unswerving vigilance."

Amanda paused as she noticed how intently Samara was staring at her; something she had said had definitely attracted the asari's interest. "Those are all very noble ideals," Samara finally spoke, "and from what I have observed of your actions thus far you consistently strive to uphold them." The justicar's piercing gaze focused on her, "It is admirable."

Now Amanda understood. She had just given the asari a key to understanding her motivations. Not the only one by any means, but an important one which Samara hadn't possessed before since as far as she knew nothing like the Marine's existed on Thessia or the asari colony worlds. "I do my best to," Shepard responded. There was one thing she felt she needed to point out though, "I had a strong foundation of beliefs and morals which I learned from my parents and my grandmother, the Marines just built on what was already there."

Samara merely looked at her for a moment before mildly stating, "I did not think otherwise," in her usual serenely even tones.

Amanda could feel a slight blush heating her cheeks, obviously the justicar considered her previous statement to be self-evident. She nodded and then continued, "The Alliance Marine Corps, the Marines Corps of the United North American States and the Marine Corps units of several nations on Earth all use the same motto. Semper Fidelis. It is Latin for Always Faithful, to the mission, to each other, to the Alliance and Corps, and to those we are sworn to protect." Shepard paused for a second and then said, "I know I mentioned this before, but it bears repeating in this context. Semper Fidelis also refers to the fact that becoming a Marine is a transformation of the self, one that will stay with you throughout the rest of your life." She drew in a slow breath before admitting to the justicar, "Is that perhaps idealistic? Yes of course it is. There are Marines that only give lip service to the Corps ethics and values. That doesn't mean they are well liked or trusted by the rest of us, or that we regard them as being true Marines. They may complete the mission," Shepard reluctantly allowed that as a fact, "but rather like Cerberus they leave such a mess and ill will behind them that others have to fix that they frequently create more difficulty and trouble than they ever solve."

Shepard scowled thinking of the massacre of the surrendering batarians at Torfan and the Marine responsible for ordering it. She was aware that he claimed his actions had actually discouraged anymore batarian attacks. She didn't think so; she thought that the destruction of the pirate's main base of operations had broken their ability to mount any more large scale attacks in the Traverse. What was certain was that now whenever humanity tried to take the ethical high ground with the batarians or anyone else, the massacre at Torfan was always brought up into the conversation. Taking those batarians prisoner and putting them on trial for their crimes, instead of murdering them after their surrender, would not only have still wiped out the base there, destroying the pirates ability to mount anymore major attacks on human colony worlds, but also avoided giving humanities opponents a weapon to use against them. In one hour that Marine had caused the Alliance decades of difficulty in the political arena and besmirched the reputations of both the Systems Alliance and Systems Alliance Marine Crops.

"What are you thinking about?" Samara inquired curiously.

Shepard grimaced. "Torfan," she responded briefly.

Shepard noted sourly that Samara didn't need to ask what she was talking about; it was obvious from the expression that crossed the justicar's face at the word that the asari already knew. "You disagree with what was done there?" the justicar inquired.

"Of course I do," Shepard retorted. "Torfan is a prime example of what I was describing; Sgt. Martin caused the Alliance much more harm that day than he stopped."

"You see it as an instance of taking the expedient path instead of the right path," Samara said, referring to a statement she had made when they first met.

Shepard nodded, "He didn't need to kill those batarians, he let their taunts get to him and then he let his emotions take over. He didn't think about the fact that we would have never released those prisoners to the Hegemony as they were claiming." She shook her head, "They weren't prisoners of war. They were pirates and murderers. The only place they were going was a prison cell for the rest of their lives. Elysium has some tough murder laws. All the Alliance had to prove was that those batarians were knowingly involved in either planning or carrying out the attack in and they would have been charged with a count of murder for every person who died in the attack exactly as if they had pulled the trigger themselves." Seeing Samara's puzzled expression Shepard explained, "Participation in a felony which leads to murder nets you the same charge and sentence as the actual murderer."

"Ah," Samara uttered, now understanding. Shepard could only agree, the prosecutors would have only had to implicate them in some manner with the attack on Elysium and those batarians would have never seen the light of day again.

"Well back to what we were talking about before we got sidetracked onto that," Shepard said after a moment. "There are several other unofficial mottoes besides Semper Fidelis. One of the most honored by us is 'No Marine is left behind.' It's such an integral part of the service that not only do operational plans detail how the tactical recovery of material assets and personnel, more commonly known as TRAP plans, will take place for every mission, but also each unit has several TRAP specialists whose sole duty is to ensure that recovery takes place." She paused for a second, wanting to emphasize this one point, "Marine units plan ahead before the mission so that no Marine is behind in the field, whether alive or dead, unless there is simply no body to recover."

Silence fell between them until finally Samara, realizing that Shepard was waiting for some acknowledgement of the statement, nodded.

Shepard reached up to rub her face with one hand; from here it got slightly painful again. Thinking about some of the things that happened even before her death angered her, it had at the time and it still did now. "I was a Special Forces Marine officer," she began, "I knew something was up as soon as I got my posting to the SSV Normandy SR1. XO of some experimental frigate," Shepard shook her head, "that was a post that should have went to some Navy officer not me. I was expecting a groundside posting or maybe being put in charge of one of the larger Marine units aboard a heavy cruiser. When I got there and found out that not only was there another N7 aboard, but the other N7 was Captain Anderson I knew something was up. Two N7's for a shakedown cruise of a frigate, one of which was the most decorated N7 in Alliance history?" her voice as she told her story held her remembered disbelief. "And then the turian Spectre came aboard to purportedly keep an eye on the Council's investment. I wasn't that surprised when it turned out the actual mission was to transport a prothean artifact that had just been discovered on Eden Prime." She smiled wryly at Samara, "I was surprised though when I found out I was being evaluated to join the Spectre's. Then Sovereign, Saren and his geth attacked Eden Prime and everything started to fall apart. Nilus got killed, and I accidentally came into contact with the beacon and received its warning message."

"After a bit of running around," she had to smile just a little at that summation of two days hunting down leads on the Citadel and the finale of shooting up Chora's Den, "We heard about a quarian that had information about the Geth and Saren. It was Tali; she had salvaged some information from a geth memory core, part of that was an audio record of Saren talking to Lady Benezia. The recording was enough proof of Saren's actions to persuade the Council to revoke his Spectre status. I was made a Spectre by the Council in a public relations media event, and then told to go see Ambassador Udina to get everything else squared away. Udina commandeered the Normandy from Captain Anderson and assigned it to me. It was still crewed by Alliance personnel and registered to the Alliance. Also all maintenance and purchase requisitions still went though and were funded by the Alliance instead of the Council, and I was still paid my regular Lt. Commanders pay. In many ways it seemed as if nothing had changed, except now I had the title and some powerful rights and privileges I hadn't before. Udina gave me some leads on Saren and sent me off after him."

She chuckled at the bemused look on Samara's face after her recitation. She had felt much the same as the Normandy left dock, never had she been given so little information about what she was supposed to do and about her mission parameters. "What the Council members said to me when they made me a Spectre and what I could find in the codex entries, was about the extent of what I learned about I should be doing."

Samara shook her head, "It is truly difficult to believe that the Council would give you so little information about your new duties and responsibilities. I spent years training to become a justicar. By the time I was entitled to wear these," the asari reached up and touched the red symbols on her forehead, "I knew exactly what was required of me."

"It was more than a bit disconcerting to me as well," Shepard replied drily. Her mood sobered, "Especially since that's when things started falling apart when it came to me and the Alliance." She was aware of Samara's gaze sharpening upon her. "I first became aware something was wrong when my requisitions to pay for basic supplies and armor for Garrus and Tali were denied because they weren't Alliance and no one had authorized their presence aboard the Normandy." Her jaw tightened in remembered anger, "And no, I didn't have sufficient rank to authorize them myself since I was still only a Lt. Commander as far as the Alliance was concerned. They even denied my request for reimbursement for the new armor and weapon's I bought myself, Williams and Alenko. I got a message back from disbursement that we had been issued armor and weapons, and anything over and above that was our own responsibility."

Shepard felt the need to move, with a brief apologetic look a Samara she rose to her feet and paced over to the window. She crossed her arms over her chest as she stared out hard eyed, "It left me scrambling for ways to pay for the things I knew my team needed. Special Ops training had taught me that anything that hampered the mission was a challenge to be adapted to and overcome." She looked over at the asari who had risen as well, "So that's what I did. Back then the Systems Alliance was paying a bounty for the survey locations of valuable mineral deposits. Between that and reselling the functional weapons and technology we scavenged from the geth during our hunt for Saren, we actually ended up doing quite well and managed to get the weapons, armor and upgrades we needed to stand up to Saren's forces."

"My second notice that the Alliance brass was displeased with me was I returned to the Citadel after rescuing Liara from Saren's geth and Admiral Malkeovitch was waiting on the dock for me." Her eyes narrowed as she remembered her disbelief, her sense of confusion and betrayal at being confronted by an Admiral in such an insulting manner. "Right in front of my crew he asked me if I still remembered the color of my blood. Bluntly implying that was betraying humanity and the Alliance because I had let a turian and other non-humans aboard the Normandy."

"Granted he finally allowed that maybe I was making the best use of the Normandy possible," Shepard reluctantly allowed, "but no one had told me that I was supposed to be the Alliance's personal human centric Spectre that was actually only loyal to them instead of to the Council and all the Council races. Nor did they inform me beforehand that I was supposed to be humanities poster girl, only there weren't supposed to be any non-humans in that picture with me. Udina wasn't shy about letting me know that he did not appreciate the fact that every time I was on camera there was someone who wasn't in an Alliance uniform standing behind me. Said that it implied that humanity couldn't handle this own their own, that they had to have help from the other Council races to get anything done."

Shepard shook her head, "I devoted myself to learning what I needed to learn to become the best Marine possible even before I went to the Academy. Once there, I devoted just as much effort into becoming the best Marine officer I could be. I rallied the civilian defense forces on Elysium two months after graduating from the Academy and managed to delay the pirate raiders attacking the colony long enough for the Alliance to drive them away. Then I qualified for Special Forces training and once again I devoted my entire being to passing the training and then being the best Special Forces Marine Officer possible. I was one of the youngest to achieve my N7 ranking, which is the highest skill level you can achieve as a Special Forces member."

She looked over at Samara, "All of that and it took the Alliance brass less than a month to start questioning my motives and loyalty once I became a Spectre. They listened to the turian Councilor and Udina, and believed that my contact with the prothean beacon had made me mentally unstable. They denied me a promotion because I had a multi-species crew. They questioned my decision to save the Council and Destiny Ascension because Liara was my lover. They ignored all the solid tactical reasons for my decision in favor of believing that it was only because of her that I spared an asari ship and an asari led Council. And once I died, they lost no time tearing apart everything I had said and denying my warnings. They publicly tarnished my reputation and insinuated that I had cracked under the stress of combat while pursuing Saren."

She paused for a long moment and then quietly added, "Finally, they left my body where it fell on Alchera. They left it there for the Blue Suns to find and for the Shadow Broker to buy so that he could trade it to the Collectors. I went down to the site where the ship crashed and found the helmet I had been wearing when I died. It's in the Armory now, sitting on one of the shelves. Jacob repaired it."

In the silence of the room Shepard could hear the quiet sound of the ship around them, the hum of the ship's massive eezo core, and the sound of air being forced through the ships vents. Shepard just listened to quiet sounds for a moment longer before she turned and looked at Samara. "I know that I wouldn't be alive now if the Blue Sun's hadn't found me." Her voice became firmer as she continued speaking, "I know that it's a good thing that the Alliance didn't recover my body because what I'm doing now has to be done. The Collectors have to be stopped. We have to get the information we need to persuade the Council that the Reaper threat is real."

"But in doing all those things they broke faith with you," Samara said, coming over to stand in front of her. "They failed to value your years of faithful and honorable service to them, and showed that their own honor, courage and commitment were easily discarded when they prove obstructive to their purpose. In the end they lessened themselves in your eyes, and now you question whether or not you wish to be commanded by them any longer."

Well that was everything pretty much in a nutshell, Shepard had to acknowledge. She bowed her head, "I feel like a hypocrite though," she admitted.

When the justicar didn't immediately respond, Shepard reluctantly lifted her gaze. Samara was staring at her searchingly, the asari's pale blue eyes keen and piercing. After a moment the asari chided her, "Why? Because you do not regret being alive? Because you now have another chance to fulfill your duty? You should not," the justicar stated without hesitation.

"I told you the first time we spoke that I have been a justicar for over four hundred years," Samara continued speaking, "and that I gave up all of my possessions and my family to join the Order. I undertook rigorous training that has a high causality rate and memorized all five thousand sutras of the code. I said earlier that by the time I was entitled to wear the symbols of the order I understood exactly what was required of me. That is true; it is also true that by the end of my training I had done more than just learned how to be a justicar." Samara's eyes were solemn as she declared, "I am a Justicar now, the Code is central to my life. When you speak of your training doing more than just teaching you the skills necessary, but also transforming you into a Marine… When you speak of embracing that transformation with all your being because it is what you both desire and need... I understand, for in my past I have undergone something similar."

Human and asari stared into one another's eyes, and Shepard could tell that Samara did understand. She nodded, maybe she had unconsciously known that, maybe that was one of the reasons she felt comfortable discussing this with the justicar. "And now we come back to the decision facing me," Shepard said, crossing her arms once again. "On one side I have all the reasons I decided to leave my childhood dreams behind me and become a Marine in the first place. On the other side…" she looked into Samara's eyes, "you're absolutely right. I'm not sure I want to put myself in a position where the Alliance feels it has the right to command me again. I'm feeling pretty disillusioned with the entire organization right now."

Shepard paced forward a few steps, "They made themselves very difficult to work with even before my death." She stopped and turned to face the asari, "If I hadn't been trying to keep in Admiral Hackett's good graces, I probably would have gone after Saren at least a week earlier. I swear, every time I turned around he was contacting me saying I know you're a Spectre now and don't have to do this, but your still human and you're still Alliance, so while you're in the area could you look into…" she flung out her hand in a gesture of frustration, "this base we've lost contact with, this hostage situation that needs to be peaceably resolved and so forth."

She shook her head, her expression a cross between irritation and disbelief, "You would think I was the only competent N7 in the entire Alliance, when I know for a fact there are around a thousand active N7's," she exclaimed to Samara. Shepard choked back a bitter laugh, "I don't know what it says about me and this situation that one of the foremost reasons in my mind for leaving the Alliance is so I don't have to hear another Admiral say, 'I know you're a Spectre but…' ever again."

Her shoulders slumped and she hung her head, "I think of the Alliance brass now and I just feel disappointment and anger. I feel like maybe I was naive in believing everything I was taught me about being a Marine. Or maybe it is all just politics and backstabbing at the levels I was suddenly expected to play in." She looked up at Samara and explained, "Before being made a Spectre, I had only talked to an Admiral while giving a briefing, and then I was only answering their questions. I wasn't ready to deal with them, especially when I couldn't figure out how I was supposed to treat them. I had no idea if they were still my superiors or not," Shepard growled. "At least Admiral Hackett didn't seem to mind that I had non-human crewmembers, and back then he trusted my judgment enough that when I asked he committed the entire Fifth Fleet and saved the Destiny Ascension. So maybe all those missions I did for him paid off, at least for them and the Council," Shepard said, more speaking to herself than to Samara at this point.

Shepard sighed, turned toward the window and the view of space, "I've spent most of the last ten years fitting into the ideal of the perfect Marine and perfect officer because I believed that was the best way I could defend those that couldn't defend themselves." Shepard shrugged a bit despondently, "I guess I was right. After all, the moment I stepped outside of the approved image of the Special Forces Marine officer to be a Council Spectre the Alliance started questioning me." She turned and started pacing toward the bookshelves on one side of the room, "Only now I'm starting to wonder if fitting myself into that mold is really something I want to continue doing or if it's even really necessary anymore." She stopped, turned and looked at Samara who was still standing in the same place watching her, "Would I stop being a Spectre just because I can go to a nightclub and dance as well as anyone there including most of the asari?" She asked and then continued before the bemused looking asari could answer. "Or because I can sing and play a keyboard? Am I any less a competent Marine because I can put on makeup, wear four inch heels without breaking an ankle or falling down, and be very feminine for a night out on the town? Am I any less a person or worthy of respect because I happen to like sex, and being sexy?"

She noticed the puzzled expression on the asari's face, and with a sigh said, "Sorry, human male-female issues. We've come far, but some men," she growled underneath her breath, "and some women, still have narrow-minded notions of how women are supposed to act. Humans have a tendency to want to put people in little square holes and then get upset when you don't fit. Respectable female Marine officers are supposed to all act a certain way. Special Forces officers are supposed to act in slightly another," Shepard explained. "I don't actually fit into either, I just stopped doing the things that jarred with the image I needed to maintain in order to do my job and be an effective officer. You simply cannot get most human males, and some human females," she added, "between the ages of eighteen and approximately twenty-five to pay attention to you as an officer if their too fixated on the fact that you actually do possess breasts and a vagina instead of being some vaguely asexual being."

The startled and slightly dubious look on Samara's face as her eyes flitted up and down Shepard's body for a second was priceless. It was obvious the asari was wondering exactly how one ignored the fact that Shepard was a female of her species. She smiled, it did seem to defy common sense, but it was also true. "You can't let them see you as a sexual being. You are at most a female Marine and a female officer, not a woman," she attempted to explain. "It was bad enough that I was gay and they had all these images in their pea brains about me being with another woman to distract them. Add in a few titillating things on top of that and it got very difficult to maintain proper command and discipline over them. Either I was too soft and they kept looking at me inappropriately, or I was too harsh and they thought I was a twisted bitch who enjoyed punishing them." She paused, a slight and not entirely nice smile curving her lips and a dark glint showing in her eyes, "That certainly wasn't true, if I'd been punishing them that way I would have gotten a lot more enjoyment out of it than I did," she muttered to herself.

Amanda did notice the sudden sharp look Samara directed her way which was evenly laced with frowning confusion, but ignored it for the time. She remembered how the first asari she had ever been with, Mareena, had been surprised by how she had reacted to certain stimuli, the questions she had asked, and the things she had suggested. It hadn't taken long for surprise to turn into intrigue and then into a very satisfying two days of sexual exploration for both of them since it was Mareena's first time with a human as well. Amanda still had no idea if the asari, with their different physiology and social structure, naturally explored power exchanges during sex or not. Certainly Mareena hadn't been familiar with it, and Amanda hadn't touched on the subject with either Shi'ara or Liara. She would have eventually with Liara, but she hadn't felt any desire to explore that with the young maiden during their two months together and aboard the Normandy was not the appropriate place for such exploration in any event. If asari did play sexual power games with each other, then Samara certainly hadn't, because the justicar would have figured out what Amanda meant by her comment and it was obvious that Samara was unsure. She didn't feel like informing the justicar either, maybe later or if Samara asked, but not right now.

"Either way, it was impossible to function." Shepard continued, and then thinking about what she had just said and the way she knew it sounded, she grimaced. She wasn't being fair. "I am being overly harsh, it wasn't even most of them, but it was enough of them to make it clear that it would be a continuing and possibly growing issue if I didn't quash the rumors about my sex life. Because of that, I made the decision to leave that part of my life behind me." She frowned remembering her acute annoyance and resignation at the time. Mistress Leonora hadn't been pleased, but she had understood. She owned her own business and had to keep the fact that she was a Dominatrix very low key. Amanda shook her head and sighed, that was the past and this was now. "When I met Liara I hadn't had a serious relationship in several years. During the two months we were together, because of my position as commanding officer, we were never publically affectionate with one another." She lowered her gaze to the floor, "Quite frankly she deserved better," she said quietly.

"Perhaps," Samara responded after a moment's contemplation, "but from what you have told me separation of your personal life from your command was necessary."

Shepard frowned, "True," she had to reluctantly agree. That didn't mean however, that she didn't regret the necessity of it. She mused over the conversation so far, "I've mentioned a lot of reasons for leaving the Alliance haven't I," she said quietly. She crossed her arms, "I guess that means I've made my decision. Just… where do I want to go from here?" She shook her head, "I'm thirty-one and I'm trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up, how lame is that?"

Samara's brow rose and in a dry tone she informed the human, "I was not a maiden when I decided to become a justicar."

Amanda stared back at her nonplused by her comment for several seconds, and then she grinned, "I'll quit digging that ditch before I fall well and truly into it then. So… your advice then is that I shouldn't feel too embarrassed about that?"

Samara lips twitched in a brief smile, "That would be my advice." The asari's expression was serene, but Amanda could see the faint traces of humor still lingering there in the lightness of it.

"I'll keep that in mind," Shepard replied, glad that the justicar wasn't actually offended, or at least not that offended.

Samara's expression became more serious, the asari's pale blue eyes solemn and thoughtful as they rested upon her. Seconds passed without the justicar saying anything. By now Amanda was beginning to feel rather wary, what was Samara thinking about that would make her look that way and take her so long to come to a decision upon? Finally the justicar asked of her, "Do you feel you have atoned enough for living while your mother died?"

Part of Amanda couldn't believe Samara had just asked that and part of her just winced at the dead on accurateness of it. "There's been more to the last ten years of my life than just that," she protested defensively. There was more to her time in the Marines than just a reaction to her mother's death… and yet she couldn't deny that Samara was right. Joining the Alliance military had been a way for her to atone for her mother's death.

"Undoubtedly," Samara readily agreed. The asari then proceeded to emphasize her point, "As I understand it, when you died you were persuading Mr. Moreau to leave the helm of the Normandy. Do you feel as if he should spend the rest of his life trying to atone to you because his actions played a part in your death?"

Shepard frowned at her, "Of course not," she replied curtly, "And yes I know Joker's atoning in a way, but he's also satisfying his need to be a pilot of something other than a merchant ship after the Alliance grounded him." She looked Samara directly in the eye, "I won't let him sacrifice his life for mine," she said, making a forceful cutting motion in the air with her hand at the same time. "There's no need for it. I was responsible for all the lives aboard that ship. It was my duty to ensure their safety before I ensured my own. That's why the commanding officer is always the last to leave."

Samara simply looked at her, her expression at once serene, compassionate and wise. Amanda's face twitched as her mind filled in what the asari wasn't saying, that it was a mother's duty to protect their child. If she felt there was no need for Joker to atone, why did she feel as if she had to atone for her mother's death? "You enjoy dropping these logic bombs on me don't you?" she asked the justicar, a slight frown turning down the corners of her mouth. She wasn't really upset, but she wasn't exactly appreciative at the moment either.

"No, Amanda I do not," Samara informed her sternly. "However, that was the only reason you mentioned for staying with the Alliance."

Stuck by the seriousness of the asari's expression, Amanda stared at her, now thinking about what Samara had said in a different light. Yes, it had been direct, but she knew it had not been meant to hurt her. Only to make her see what was holding her back from being able to take that final step. She felt her sorrow rise and show itself in her expression, knew that it was by the way Samara's own expression altered. Amanda whispered, "I can't help what I feel, and maybe it was a way for me to hold onto her." She turned away from the asari, turning instead to look out the observation window. Her thoughts wandered in a meandering path between memories of her mother, her time in the Alliance, and her oath as a Spectre. Had she atoned enough for that one well meant, but thoughtless action?

"You have mentioned more than once that part of you has been transformed into a Marine, Amanda," Samara's composed voice broke the silence. Amanda turned her head slightly that way to indicate that she was listening, but didn't turn to face the asari. "And that part of you will always be a Marine. If you are certain that is the truth, then you are only asking yourself whether or not you wish to remain an active member of Alliance military." Amanda frowned thoughtfully as she considered that point, she did believe within herself that she would in some way always be a Marine. "Your honor, courage and commitment have made you the strong and yet compassionate leader you are today. Those who trained you may have been skilled at persuading you to accept the values they were trying to teach you, but you were the one who chose to instill those values so deeply within yourself that you have remained true to them thus far."

By the end of Samara's statement Amanda had turned to face the asari once again. Searching Samara's pale blue eyes with her own, wondering if the justicar truly believed what she was saying. She could only see sincerity reflected within them. Maybe that was what she needed to hold onto. Semper Fidelis, Always Faithful, no matter what anyone else did or how they failed to measure up to the standards they claimed to uphold. Samara was right she would always be a Marine; nothing could take that away from her. She would have to turn her back on the values and beliefs the Alliance Marine Corps, her parents and grandmother had instilled within her first.

Amanda looked at the justicar and let the raw gratitude she felt show, "Thank you Samara for braving my temper to tell me what you knew I needed to hear."

Samara's eyes widened slightly, presumably at the evident emotion in Amanda's voice. The asari inclined her head and then let out a sigh of her own, "This has not been an easy conversation," the asari allowed, "painful emotions have been close to the surface and easily touched upon." Something about Samara's voice drew Shepard's attention. She stared intently at the justicar taking in the pensive expression on the asari's face before Samara noticed her attention and then it was gone, replaced by the justicar's usual serene mask.

Amanda's brows drew together in concern, was Samara saying that something about their conversation touched upon something painful for her? There had been enough hints dropped so far for Amanda to get the clear picture that something traumatic had happened in the asari's past, something that had influenced her to become a justicar. She stared at Samara for a moment longer, figuring out what she wanted to say before finally speaking. "Detective Anaya told me to value you and I do," she had the asari's full attention, "for your strength and wisdom, and I hope for the friendship we are building." She noticed that Samara looked conflicted but pressed on, "It's a two way street, I've spoken to you more than one for an opinion outside of my own. You are always welcome to come to me as well, and I will try to help in whatever way I can."

The asari stared intently at her. Shepard could tell that the justicar was still conflicted, but about what she had no clear idea. Finally, seeming to come to some internal decision, Samara said, "I have always thought it wiser that a Justicar not get too deeply attached to anyone, especially when you do not know them well enough to judge whether or not their actions and the Code might conflict at some point in the future. And yet somehow you have managed to slip past that resolve from almost the beginning. You are so young and yet you have already seen and faced many challenges, been confronted with the necessity of making decisions which would give a matriarch almost a thousand years your elder grave concern. Your experiences have given you wisdom and insight beyond your years and yet you can also be tempestuous and impulsive." Samara smiled, "Which is more of what I had expected of a human. You are an interesting person Amanda Athene Shepard."

Shepard grinned and couldn't help but repeat the almost same thing she had said to Aria, "Well at least I'm not boring to have around."


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The Mass Effect universe is the property of Bioware/Electronic Arts. No infringement of these copyrights is intended as this is a not for profit fan fiction work.
> 
> Warning: none
> 
> Notes: This story was originally inspired by the Beyonce song "Save the Hero," from the album I am…Sasha Fierce. This is an Alternate Universe story. The portrayal of Cerberus in my story is heavily influenced by the contents of the second and third Mass Effect books, Ascension and Retribution.
> 
> Additional Notes: _Anar Hathol_ or Sun Swords will be based off the Halo series energy swords as far as having blades composed of magnetically shaped plasma and the energy source and controls in the hilt. Other than that though, there will be some significant cosmetic differences between the two. What can I say, Jedi have their lightsabers, Sangheili their energy swords, and here _Dragahîr_ have their _anar hathol_ or sun swords (which are neither lightsabers or energy swords).
> 
> Rating: Teen
> 
> Feedback: Always welcome, feedback is what encourages me to keep writing. Please let me know what you like and what you dislike about the story.
> 
> Errors and Corrections: Yes, please let me know about any errors you see so that I can correct them. This is un-beta'ed so it probably has a few.
> 
> Revision History: 09/18/2010

**Normandy – Third Deck Portside Observation Room - evening on the same day as Normandy's arrival at Tuchanka (continued)**

Amanda stared out the window at the view of space and Tuchanka thinking about what Samara had pointed out to her about her mother's motivations, about her own guilt and need for atonement. As hard as what the asari had said to her had been to listen to and think about, Amanda knew she had needed to hear it. She needed to consider what had happened that day from more of her mother's and an adult point of view rather than as the teenager she had been at the time. Certainly as she had matured she had reevaluated parts of that day in light of a more mature understanding, but for whatever reason she hadn't reevaluated the entirety of that day before now. It made things look very different.

She still had no idea what about their conversation had disturbed the justicar, the asari hadn't addressed it again after shaking her head a little at her quip about not being boring. As for Samara's reply to her offer to listen if the justicar ever needed to talk, the asari's response hadn't quite been a reciprocal declaration of friendship, but Amanda suspected it was the closest the justicar had permitted herself to come to having a friend several hundred years.

Shepard thought she understood, Samara kept an emotional distance between herself and the rest of the world for her own protection. Getting close to someone and then being forced to choose between her feelings for them and her oath to follow the Justicar Code if they broke that Code…. Either kill a friend or break what should be an inviolate oath, a terrible situation for the asari either way. Amanda glanced over her shoulder at Samara who was once again meditating. If she truly wanted to be a friend to the justicar, perhaps she ought to have a better idea exactly those five thousand sutras of the Code covered, Amanda mused, just to make sure she had a feel for what it defined as just and unjust. She would hate to put Samara in that position, especially if it were something she could have avoided with a basic understanding of what the Code covered.

She turned back to the observation window and the view of the planet they were orbiting. She still needed to address what had happened earlier today with Gatatog Uvenk, especially since there was the possibility that the memory might show up at the most inconvenient time tomorrow such as during Grunt's Rite. All day she had avoided thinking about the headbutt and how she had used her biotics, worried that might be enough to trigger the recall of a prothean memory.

The good news was their conversation seemed to have accomplished what she had hoped. She didn't feel as conflicted or emotional about the idea of leaving the Alliance as she had before. Oddly enough, given how much she had been struggling with it, the idea of resigning her commission actually was beginning to feel freeing. She felt that parts of herself she had purposefully buried deep within herself were stirring at just the possibility that she wouldn't need to deny them any longer. She didn't know in quite what direction she wanted her life to go, but she did feel as if she needed a more whole and more honest version of herself to weight against the influence of the prothean memories she bore. Or maybe it was actually more of a counterbalance that she needed; there was a lot of similarity between the prothean sense of honor and honorable behavior and her own marine sense of honor and duty. Sometimes she could swear she felt the two of them merging a little bit more into one another as each day passed. Something that had probably influenced her growing intolerance and anger about the way the Alliance had treated her as well as her willingness to leave once they proved unable to live up to their own code of honor.

Shepard knew that with every memory the possibility that she would think more like a prothean increased, but how could she pass up the possibility she might learn something that would prove to be as useful as Suiadan's biotic charge? The answer was she couldn't. She couldn't pass up on an opportunity to learn a skill or discover a technology that might help her win the battles to come, no matter the possible risk to her sense of identity.

Amanda turned around and looked at the meditating asari thoughtfully, she felt ready to do this now. Hopefully, whatever had bothered Samara about their conversation hadn't disturbed her so much that they wouldn't be able to do this because of the asari's unsettled thoughts. "Samara," Shepard said quietly, not wanting to startle the justicar. The focused mass effect field between the asari's hands dissipated, and Samara looked up at her from where she was sitting on the floor inquiringly. "If you still feel like it, I think I might be ready for us to search for that memory. If I think of what happened today, it should be fairly simple to find." Amanda grimaced, remembering what had happened before and added, "At least I hope it will be simple."

The asari's initial faint look of surprise changed into contemplation as Samara considered her request. "Your use of biotics today was unusual and subtle; there was just the barest shimmer in the air to indicate that you had formed a mass effect field. I doubt that either krogan noticed," Samara commented after a moment. "I am not certain that I could duplicate the effect without much practice," the asari admitted. "It indicates you possess the memories of an extremely proficient biotic."

Shepard nodded, "Which is why I'd like to find that memory before it finds me," she pointed out, "and possibly finds me at a very inopportune time such as during Grunt's Rite." Samara stared at her, her face almost expressionless for a moment longer before the justicar nodded once. Suddenly uncertain about this course of action given the asari's behavior, Amanda hesitantly offered, "If this isn't a good time for you though it can wait." She didn't want to push Samara into doing this if the justicar didn't feel like it for whatever reason.

Samara gazed at her for a moment longer, and then the asari's expression eased, became imperceptibly warmer. Finally it altered into one Shepard was more used to, serene calmness. The justicar gestured toward the floor directly in front of her. "Please sit down Amanda."

Amanda stared at her searchingly, looking for signs that the asari wasn't as composed as she sounded. Their eyes met, and after a moment Amanda nodded in acquiescence. She lowered herself gracefully to the floor directly across from the asari and with their knees almost touching, just as they had before when they did this. Knowing what was coming Amanda closed her eyes, lowered her mental barriers and told herself to relax even though she felt a little vulnerable without them shielding her mind.

"Relax Amanda, open your mind and reach out for the threads that bind us all together," she heard Samara say in a calm voice, "Open yourself to the universe. Embrace eternity."

This time feel of the asari's mind merging with her own didn't automatically trigger a defensive reaction on Amanda's part as it had the first time. Instead she found Samara's strong, calm presence within her mind reassuring and familiar. Before they went looking for the memory though there was one thing Amanda felt she had to do, and that was to let Samara know in more than just words how much the asari had helped her earlier. Especially with the way she had acted at the time.

From the asari, Amanda got a faint feel of surprise, then a clear sense of pleasure before that emotion was closed off and Amanda knew that Samara would prefer that they proceed with finding the memory instead of continuing this. There was nothing unkind in the justicar's thought, just the sense that Samara would prefer to focus on what they were here to do. Amanda was a little disappointed, but after a moment's reflection, not surprised.

Onward it was then, Shepard thought back to earlier in the day when she had used her biotics to assist her in head butting Gatagog Uvenk. She remembered being thankful that she was wearing a helmet, she had reared back and felt the faint tingle of her biotics…how had she known to do that, from where had she learned it? She felt Samara within her mind examining the memory as well and then…

Thalion flowed underneath the blow, letting his student's staff pass harmlessly over him. Turning and spinning he brought up his short staff in a graceful arc, and in a sweeping move neatly caught his student behind the back of the knees. Branwen's legs buckled and the younger man fell back upon his rear.

He took a step back, "That would have been a deadly move with an _anar hathol_. You need to be more mindful of the flow of combat, and of the placement and likely actions of your opponent or opponents. As soon as I began my spin, you should have foreseen my action and moved to block my staff or withdrawn from range of my attack and then decided whether there was an opening to attack or prepared to defend yourself." He watched as the young man rolled to his feet. "Your dedication to mastering your biotics and your studies into tactics are admirable Branwen. To become a master of battle however, you must take the time spar as often as possible with your fellow students. There is no other way to teach your mind and body how to sense and anticipate the flow of combat other than to engage in it. Seek to balance your training better between your studies and your sparring.

Branwen rose, clasp his long fingered hands before him and bowed, "I will heed your wisdom, _Dragahîr_."

Thalion inclined his head in approval, "Let us repeat each of our attacks and blocks from your attempted strike. This time be prepared to counter."

The younger man nodded, "Yes, _Dragahîr_," he acknowledged and then moved back a few paces his dark eyes intent and determined.

Thalion was pleased to see it, Branwen was a promising student. He believed the younger man would be ready to advance from _Dragasen_, Apprentice or Student, to _Dragaran_, Journeyman, in another year or so if Branwen applied himself as diligently to his combat practice as he already did to his biotic and scholarly studies.

As soon as Thalion was ready, Branwen swung his staff; once again the older prothean ducked underneath it and spun. Only this time instead of being unprepared for the counter-attack the younger man half knelt with his arm lifted in a defensive block. There was a blue shimmer as he formed a focused mass effect field around his shin and defensively raised arm. Even as he pulled his strike in preparation for being knocked back, Thalion's _dolthond's_ or headroots curved in pleasure at his student's response. Withdrawing would have been easier and simpler, but Branwen had chosen to shield instead, an offensive defense and a difficult one to master as well. If the attacker was not prepared for it, a biotic shield gave the defender a very good opportunity for a follow-up attack. The shield was a combination of a focused and hardened barrier and a timed biotic push pulse. It took a great deal of skill and practice to master both of the biotic skills involved as well as the correct timing of the biotic push pulse.

Thalion's short staff struck the biotic shield and was forcefully repulsed back towards him; this was why a shield frequently gave the defender an opportunity to attack. Expecting it, Thalion simply took two steps backward, controlling his retreat and keeping his guard up, instead of letting it knock him off his feet or off balance. "Very good," he praised Branwen as the younger male straightened, "with a full strength pulse you might have still had an opening to exploit on a counter-attack."

The younger man was the last of today's student's to spar with him; it was time to move on to other lessons. "Branwen, Mirima please get out the practice balls," he motioned toward the proper container at the end of the room which held the weighted and padded balls. "The rest of you form a line in the middle of the room," he instructed. He turned towards the two students he had asked to get out the practice balls and held up his hands. Mirima noticed and instead of tossing the ball in her hands to one of the other students she threw it to him.

Thalion caught it and then waited until each of the students had a ball as well and Branwen and Mirima joined them in the center of the hall. "This exercise is familiar to all of you," he started by saying. "Use your biotics to lift," he looked over at the ball and with a slight gesture of his hand formed a mass effect field around it that lightened its mass and lifted it into the air. "Then throw the practice ball," a sweep of his hand sent the ball flying toward the far wall. Immediately he reached out and formed another field, "Then use pull to bring it back to you before it reaches the far wall," he suited actions to words and the ball came back towards him. He leaned forward raising his arm and formed a focused biotic barrier around it, "Shield," he watched the ball closely as it came towards him and then with perfect timing as it impacted the shield pushed against it in a pulse. "Repulse it back toward the wall in front of you," he said as soon as he was done. He reached out his hand and, "pull," he suited words to actions and then, "evade stepping out of the way of the ball," he smoothly stepped back allowing the ball to pass by him this time. Again he reached out with his biotics, "Pull again," he brought up his arm and formed another shield, "this time shield and pulse only enough to stop the balls momentum," a slight push and when the ball impacted against the shield it bounced back about two feet and dropped to the floor. He looked at his students, "Then begin the cycle again as soon as you are ready."

He stood back and watched as his students began the exercise, watching them closely and noting where they needed more training. He noticed some of the less experienced student's balls were bouncing off the walls instead of being pulled back before they reached it. That wasn't surprising, the most difficult part of this exercise was the constant concentration needed to form so many different types of mass effect fields within seconds of one another. He noted who they were and simply continued watching for now, after several decades of teaching he knew that most would improve with further practice. A few might need further training in maintaining their battle focus. There were three or four who, though they were competent warriors, would be never move beyond their current initiate status of _Dragasen_. He could already tell they simply didn't have the discipline and focus necessary to obtain the proficiency in combat, biotics and tactics required to become _Dragaran_ of the Order of Varnor, much less obtain the rank of _Dragahîr_. For their own sake, it was best that they come to that realization now, instead of after they wasted decades of both their lives and his.

He frowned as he noticed that some of the students were forming noticeable mass effect fields. The balls were light and not moving fast. At most he should see a slight ripple in the air and the bluish white glow as they shielded, and not the display of biotic energy that a few of them were making. "Halt," he called out firmly, and waited as the students either caught the balls or let them drop to the floor and then turned to face him. "As you are already aware, creating mass effect fields takes energy from you. Always create the least field necessary to achieve the effect you desire. During a battle you never know what may happen, how long you may need to fight or what may occur that will cause you to need to create one last mass effect field to save your life or the life of another. Always be mindful of conserving your energy, both biotic and of the body, you may have vital need of them later."

"Yes, _Dragahîr_," they raggedly chorused when it became clear he had finished speaking. Those to whom his speech was especially addressed looked embarrassed; they were aware of what had prompted it.

That one principle had saved his life more than once. Most citizens who lived on the core worlds of the Empire were unaware of how dangerous and lawless it could be on the fringes of _Edhel_ space. There were always those who chose to walk an honorless path. Such people naturally gravitated to such places and took up criminal activities such as piracy and smuggling illegal goods and substances. There were even those who had fallen so far into dishonor and evil that they would trade in the lives of their fellow _Edhilr_. He still remembered his first encounter with slavery. He had been very young, only thirty-seven, and the idea that there were _Edhil_ who were so completely without honor that they would sell and trade other _Edhilr_ as if they were merely things had been almost more than he could take in.

He glanced up at the timepiece hung on the wall and motioned with his hand, "Continue with your practice," he instructed them. They had about forty more _hanté_ in this training session. When the training session was over, the students quickly dispersed to their respective bathing halls to clean up before leaving for either their homes or the dormitories provided for off-world students.

On the way out of the Order's training facility, Thalion stopped by the statues of the god Thalion and his twin sister the goddess Callionel, the Protectors of the Empire which stood on either side of entry hall. Unlike the seated statues of the aged sages which were popular in the public gardens, these statues depicted _Edhil_ in their prime. They stood tall and proud in their armor, with their _anar hatholr_, or sun swords, held upright in their gauntleted hands. The blades of the twin's weapons, made from the molten matter of the home world's sun, were stylistically represented with artificially grown crystals that were lit with a warm yellow-orange light.

Thalion had been named after the God, and in many ways he found it fitting that he had joined the Order of Varnor, the Order of the Protectors of the Empire, and eventually proven himself worthy of the title _Dragahîr_, or Battlemaster. He bowed low to each and then proceeded out of the hall, if he tarried any longer his wife, Adanessa, would have to wait dinner on him and he had promised his daughter Alassiel that he would help her with her schoolwork tonight.

'Amanda', the word caught Thalion's attention and he stopped to turn and look back into the hall uncertain if he had heard someone call out or not. 'Amanda Athene Shepard', the words were louder, more insistent. There was a moment of confusion as Amanda was caught in between her memories of Thalion and her own memories, and then prothean cultural mindset faded and she was aware once again that she was in a meld with Samara. They had found the memory.

The justicar stayed within her mind for a moment longer, and Amanda had the impression that Thalion's memories were as much of a surprise to the asari as they were to her. She had expected to find the memories of another biotics teacher from the university, not some type of prothean templar or knight who had seen several centuries of combat before retiring from active service to train the next generation of initiates. Not that that was bad, Amanda realized, thinking about her relative inexperience in using her biotics during combat. Thalion's memories could prove quite instructive and helpful to her. She sensed that Samara didn't exactly agree with her and then the asari withdrew from the meld. She opened her eyes, and looked quizzically at the justicar who was gazing back at her.

"While his memories may prove instructive," the justicar responded to her unspoken question, "I believe you will find them no substitute for actual combat experience."

"Hmm," Shepard uttered as she mulled over the asari's comment. She couldn't help but remember Thalion's comment to Branwen about there being no other way to teach mind and body how to react other than actual combat practice. "You're probably right, but I suspect his memories will still be helpful, especially the ones about combat biotics." She rose and looked around the room; there was something she really wanted to try herself. She looked over at the bookshelves, the books would not do, but one of the more durable sculptures on display in amongst them might.

She walked over and examined them closer, they were all replicas made out of heavy polycarbonate and magnetically clamped to the shelves by their base to ensure they didn't become dangerous projectiles during combat maneuvers. Among them was a familiar looking globe, an atlas of Earth. She detached it from its holder and hefted it, examining the ridges and dips of its contoured surface. It had some weight to it and looked like it would stand up to some abuse. It was close enough to what she needed, to do for now. She turned and walked back to where she had been standing in front of the observation window, which also happened to be approximately in the center of the room… lengthwise at least.

She was aware of Samara regarding her intently, but didn't say anything, certain that the asari had already guessed her current intention.

Using her biotics to lift things was something she was familiar with if not particularly practiced at doing; there hadn't been much use in being able to lift at most a few pounds worth of weight. Now recalling the way Thalion had done it she held the ball in one hand, lowered it and then formed a mass effect field around it to lift it up into the air. It felt oddly normal. Not that she hadn't been getting used to using her biotics, because she had, it was just that it felt different this time. More as if she was using a tool that she simply hadn't picked up in awhile, but still felt familiar in her hand. Was this how using their biotics felt like to an asari? The stray thought wandered into her mind, momentarily distracting her and causing the globe to wobble a bit as the mass effect field around it fluctuated.

Shepard returned her full attention to it, watching as the globe stabilized. Now for the next step, this was also a biotic skill with which she was already familiar. She concentrated on the globe thinking about what she wanted to do and then with a swipe of her hand propelled it across the room toward the wall above Samara's bed. Now to pull it back toward her, she began to form another mass effect field around the ball… and watched in dismay as the globe impacted against the wall, bounced off it and landed on the floor just missing the asari's bed. Shepard stared at the sphere as if it had betrayed her by not doing as she wanted for a second and then frowned at it. It wasn't the globe, it was her and she knew exactly what she had done wrong. After all, hadn't she just watched some of the students in Thalion's class do the exact same thing? She hadn't been quick enough to form the next mass effect field. Maintaining a battle focus, Thalion had called it in his mind.

She reached out and with a motion of her hand formed the correct mass effect field and pulled the globe back toward her, reaching up and catching it before it hit her. Shepard stared down at it the sphere in her hands thoughtfully, how did Thalion do it? Obviously it was more complicated than it seemed from his memories. She frowned, her eyes narrowing in concentration as she searched his memories for a hint as to what she was doing wrong and how to correct it.

She had been taught to first think about what she wanted to do with the mass effect field, begin to create it, and then associate a muscle movement with that particular biotic feat. Over time the muscle movement became associated with the complex thought patterns and a specific type of mass effect field, it became a trigger that allowed one to perform what was actually a fairly complex combination of mental imagery and mass effect field formation in rapid succession. The problem with learning biotics that way was that you still had a tendency to need to concentrate and think before actually doing, even with the biomechanical trigger of the specific physical motion.

Protheans were initially taught that way as well, Amanda realized, but then a lot of effort was spent to teach them through rigorous repetition to let the process become almost instinctual. It strongly reminded her of her dance and martial arts training. You first had to learn and think about what you were doing and how you were moving. After enough practice however, your movements became instinctual. At that point thinking too hard about what your body was doing, while you were doing it, was actually counter-productive and usually slowed you down. Your consciousness needed to be focused on what was going on around you and what needed to happen next, not on the specifics of exactly how your body was moving.

That was what she was doing wrong; her mind was literally getting in her way right now. She was still actively thinking about how the mass effect field should be formed, then forming it, and then doing the action. She needed to stop thinking so much about what she was doing and simply let her body do what was needed to perform the desired action. This was just like dancing, Amanda told herself. She no longer needed to think about how to move, the proper way to step or the precise angle her foot should be from the other, she just stepped.

She closed her eyes and thought about her martial arts training, her dancing, the mental concentration and energized focus required for... Her eyes opened wide in surprised realization as her memories of her martial arts training pulled out more of Thalion's memories and found a familiar concept. Mushin her Sensei, or martial arts teacher, had called it. It was a Zen word meaning 'mind of no mind', or a state of no-mindedness that was held up as the ideal mental state a martial artist wanted to obtain during combat. When one attained Mushin one was not troubled by emotion or thought, the mind was clear and yet focused, the body in a state of readiness and able to react almost spontaneously and without conscious thought to the actions of an attacker.

Her lips quirked up into a smile, and she had to smother a chuckle…Zen biotics. Maybe if she lived though dealing with the Collectors she should write a book on the Prothean technique, Shepard thought to herself in amusement. Still, that seemed to be exactly what Thalion meant by battle focus. Her eyes narrowed in concentration, trying to remember both the meditative techniques her Sensei had tried to teach them and hoping that she would find more of Thalion's memories. After almost half a minute, once she felt as though she had some idea of what she needed to do, she closed her eyes once again.

She breathed slowly in and out. As Zen teaching described it, she wanted to become the still pond that perfectly reflected both the sky and moon. As Thalion's memories described it, she wanted to be the still mind that existed in this moment, aware of its surroundings, of both the past and the future, but which was focused in the now. Slowly her mind cleared, she let go of her concern of failing again, she let go as best as she was able her constant awareness of the Reapers and their plans. Fear, anger, concern…those were all distractions that rippled the still pond. Slowly she cleared her mind, distractions fading away. She breathed in and out, mind still, body still, yet both poised and completely aware. Her thoughts touched briefly on the awareness in her dreams, the silence and stillness, the consciousness of being one with the universe and yet uniquely herself, both finite and infinite.

Amanda opened her eyes, looked down at the globe in her hands. A mass effect field formed around it lifting it up in the air. She breathed in, keeping her mind clear and focused on what she wanted to happen instead of the precise steps that needed to occur for it to happen. That could and would take care of itself if she trusted her body to understand what it needed to do. A wave of her hand formed a slightly different biotic effect as she sent the globe toward the wall again. She reached out after the globe, closed her hand as if capturing it, and then drew her hand back toward her. At the same time a matching mass effect field formed around the ball and propelled it back towards her before it could reach the wall. She raised her arm in front of her and formed a shield as the globe came back at her, closer…she smoothly shifted her weight forward and the biotic field around her arm pulsed, sending the globe back toward the wall once again. Again she reached out her hand after it, bringing the globe back to her again. This time instead of stopping it she stepped gracefully aside as it came towards her and let it pass by her, pivoting smoothly on one foot to follow its path. Immediately, she reached out after it and brought it back towards her before it hit the bookcase on that side of the room, then raised her arm and shielded as the globe came towards her. The globe stuck the shimmering mass effect field and then dropped to the floor, all of its momentum canceled out by the slight biotic push she had used as it impacted.

Shepard breathed out a deep breath and relaxed her concentration. She smiled; she had done it, she thought in a rush of satisfaction. She stared down at the globe, her expression turning thoughtful as she realized something interesting about the biotic effect she had just used to stop it. The biotic shield she had just learned to form was almost exactly the same as what she did coming out of a charge, only without the charge component and on a much smaller scale. Or at least the one's Thalion had his student's practicing were on a much smaller scale. It wasn't actually a new skill, but one she already knew used in a different manner.

That had been both easier and harder than she had imagined, and she knew it was one thing to manage it here and another thing to achieve that state of mind in the midst of weapons fire and explosions. She was impressed that Thalion had made it seem so effortless and been able to explain what he was doing as he did it as well. It had required her full concentration.

She turned and looked over at Samara, as she had expected the justicar was watching her. "Impressive," the asari commented as she rose to her feet, "I am not familiar enough with human biotics to judge your abilities relative to your own race, but most asari cannot form mass effect fields as quickly as you just demonstrated. Only those asari who have worked diligently to hone their biotics could match you." Samara walked over to her, "The state of mind required is difficult to master."

"Mushin," Shepard said, drawing a curious look from the asari. "It's a Chinese word for a Zen concept that translates as, mind of no mind. I learned about it when I first began learning martial arts at the New York Military Academy," she explained to the justicar.

Realization lit Samara's pale eyes, "It was not completely unfamiliar to you then."

Shepard nodded, "It just took me a moment to realize it was essentially the same concept as what Thalion was referring to as battle focus."

Samara regarded her with a thoughtful expression, "It is intriguing how although humans, asari and protheans are very different, yet there are also many similarities between us."

Her thoughts went first to Liara's rejection of her and the crushing of her dreams of their future life together. Then to Lindariel's many nights of lonely grief as she mourned the loss of her husband, Suiadan taking comfort in the loving arms of his wife after he had lost his student, and Eriathwen's desperate clinging to her husband in her relief and joy when she realized she had lived and not died. "Companionship… love… loss… the desire for a mate and children… those feelings and needs transcend the barriers between most sentient species," she responded to the asari quietly. This very subject had occupied her thoughts more than a few times since she had first found Suiadan's memories.

"Indeed," Samara replied after a moment's contemplation of the human, "The asari have long believed that to be true." The justicar was silent for a moment as she regarded the human standing across from her. "I am certain it will come as no surprise to you that your aura has shifted once again," the asari said next.

Shepard groaned in dismay thinking of all the hours of meditation she would be doing, and nodded in acknowledgment. It was nothing more than what she had expected coming into this night. "I guess that will happen every time?"

"I would be surprised if it does not, your meditations should help…however…" Samara's voice trailed off and the asari appeared to be troubled by something. Samara twisted around and turned her head to the side, giving Shepard a good view of the back of her head, and the cartilaginous ridges of blue skinned flesh which protected the almost purple hued skin of the sensory organs between them.

Amanda stared at her, caught between bewilderment and amusement at the asari's action and then her eyes widened as she realized what Samara might be doing and why. She was looking at the reason right now; asari's sensory organs for sound, and she was now thinking faint electrical fields, were located between the ridges of flesh along the entire back of their head. If she was right, then it explained two other instances that had seemed strange to her at the time, when she had first met Shi'ara, the Consort, and when she had first met Aria T'Loak. Both asari had been standing with their backs to her and had her pause a few feet from them for awhile before turning and approaching her. What if they had been taking the equivalent of a very long look at her bioelectrical field or aura before taking a visual look at her?

Shepard quirked an eyebrow at the asari, "However?" she questioned hoping to prompt some more information out of Samara. If her suspicions were correct, then it had something to do with her aura.

"It is as I thought," Samara said when she turned around a few seconds later. "I was not familiar enough with humans when we met to realize that your aura was unusual for a human of your age. If I had, I would have simply assumed that it was due to your experiences first as an Alliance officer and then as a Spectre." Samara pinned her with a keen look, "That was before we found Thalion's memories. Now, if you came up from behind me and was only paying cursory attention to your aura, I would assume you to be an asari on the cusp of her matron years. I would be very surprised to see that you were human, and very curious as to what your life experiences were that would cause your aura to rival that of an asari of the same relative age."

In other words an asari that was three hundred or so years old, Shepard translated the justicar's meaning. "Thalion was four hundred and thirty-seven years old in that memory," she searched through the Battlemaster's memories, Eriathwen was three hundred and fifty-six, Lindariel five hundred and fifteen years old, and Suiadan was around three hundred and thirty."

Samara gracefully inclined her head in acknowledgement. "That is a substantial amount of combined life experiences," the asari pointed out.

"I don't remember their entire lives," Shepard corrected, "just parts of it, but yes I guess it is, isn't it." She grimaced, "So you're saying that pretty much any asari I come across is going to be able to tell there is something strange about me."

Samara shook her head, "No, very few asari spend the time required to develop the sensitivity to more than sense auras at a basic level or have the experience required to interpret what they are sensing. Asari matriarchs would be among the most common, followed by some matrons who have a reason to develop the skill. It would be highly unlikely for a maiden to understand what they were sensing. However, most asari will sense that you are unusually experienced and will be curious as to why." Samara paused for a second and then with an indecipherable look commented, "You will be of interest to them."

Shepard frowned a little in confusion at the comment and then let it drop; she was more concerned about the asari who could figure out what they were sensing rather than the ones who were simply curious. She got from what Samara was saying that it was a difficult skill to learn, which explained why not every asari did that, and why the two who had were Shi'ara and Aria. The Consort made her living off reading people, and Aria depended on it to help maintain her control over Omega's cutthroat environment. She inquired, "Is there anything I can do to decrease that effect. Or hide it somehow?"

"If I am close to you, they may assume it is actually my aura they are sensing," Samara replied promptly. That sounded reasonable to Shepard, why think it was the short-lived human when there was a justicar nearby. "As for decreasing the effect," Samara continued, "your meditations will help, but as you find new memories I believe even that will only slow the inevitable." The asari frowned, "If you did not remember these memories as if they were your own then perhaps it would be different." Pale blue eyes focused upon her, "However that is not the case, and I suspect you are drawing on their memories to understand situations as you face them as well as your own experience." Samara looked inquiringly at Shepard who nodded. "Then, depending on how many more memories there are, eventually you will not be able to hide the effect from any asari," Samara confirmed.

Shepard stared at the justicar for a moment, hoping, though it was highly unlikely, that the asari would tell her that she had been joking. Samara didn't. Wonderful, that meant that she not only needed to worry about the influence the prothean memories had on her own thoughts and feelings and their making her less human and more prothean, but also that every older asari she met would be interested in why her aura indicated she had several centuries of life experiences instead of only a few decades. "Shiala estimated there might be as many as ten to fifteen," she informed Samara, knowing exactly what that meant as far as her aura was concerned. The asari's steady look in reply only confirmed it; Samara thought that would be more than enough to permanently affect her aura.

Shepard wanted to keep the knowledge of the existence of her prothean memories limited to as few a number as possible. It was bad enough that the Illusive Man knew about them. She definitely didn't want him to know anymore than he already did and she'd prefer that the Council and Alliance remain in the dark about them as well. They didn't believe that the Reapers were real, and she was afraid that if they knew about the Cipher unraveling they would promptly lock her up somewhere with a group of eager scientists to find out everything she knew. 'Goddess that sounded paranoid', Shepard thought, but with Eriathwen 's technical knowledge alone she had in her mind some very interesting information that several people would want to get their hands upon if they knew it existed.

All she had to remember was Anderson's briefing about finding the beacon on Eden Prime, and the Council's concern that the Terminus systems might be willing to risk war to claim it, to send a strong chill of warning down her spine. She had much more than a beacons worth of prothean knowledge within her mind. Granted, much of it wouldn't really be of more than an academic interest about how the Protheans had lived, but the mere fact that she possessed such knowledge and had the potential to find more would be enough to make her a person of interest to several different groups. The truly sad thing was the protheans hadn't really progressed that much further than the current knowledge level of the Citadel races from what Shepard could tell. It was just the belief that they had created the mass relays and Citadel that made everyone so eager to claim any scrap of prothean knowledge.

 

**Normandy – Third Deck Portside Observation Room - night on the same day as Normandy's arrival at Tuchanka (continued)**

Samara stared out the observation room window at the view of the stars and planet below. After a less than perfect beginning, Amanda had displayed her rapid understanding of the mental focus necessary to successfully form one mass effect field after another in rapid succession. Thus demonstrating the advantage her prothean memories gave her when it came to mastering new skills.

Although it had taken less than a minute to complete, the human had almost looked as if she were dancing as she went through Thalion's exercise, each motion… each step… elegant, precise, and graceful. A dancer, a singer, and performer, there had been hints that the human hadn't always wanted to be a marine, but Samara would have never guessed that Amanda wanted to be a dancer as a child. Now she knew why Shepard moved as gracefully as she did whether she was simply walking or rushing to another position during combat. Physical skills learned during the developmental years tended to stay with one for asari, and apparently with humans as well judging from how well Amanda retained the skills she had learned during childhood.

As for what she had learned of Amanda's past tonight… Samara bowed her head for a moment and then rose to her feet. She walked over to the window and gazed out at the stars just as Amanda had done so many times while speaking to her. Amanda's mother had died for her, and in return her child had devoted her life to atoning for her part in her mother's death. To be loved so well, Samara's gaze became unfocused as the thought crossed her mind. The stars little more than points of light as her mind focused inward rather than outward. Amanda's loss and her reaction to it was in some ways a mirror of her own life. Both of them in reaction to tragedy had taken up a difficult and demanding path to atone for their part in that tragedy. Both of them held fast to a strict code of behavior which in many ways defined them as people.

Instead of dying for her child however, she was sworn to kill the eldest of her daughters. It had been over four hundred years since she had last seen her other two children. They had been very young when she took the Oath of Solitude which barred her from seeing or speaking to her family. Now they were almost half way through their lifespan, if they had been born without the genetic disease which had doomed all of them they would be matrons now and likely with families of their own. That future however, had been denied both them and her. She allowed herself only a moment to mourn that fact, and then discipline reasserted itself. There was no use in railing against the fate that had befallen them; it would not change a single thing about her or her daughter's lives. She was sworn to the Justicar Code now; she had given up her family, all her possessions, and the woman she had been to become one, to gain the strength and resolve she needed to keep her oath to stop her murderous eldest daughter.

The justicar lifted her head and stared out the window at the closest CDEM battlestation. Amanda had sought out her out to discuss her decision to leave the Alliance, when she had joined the Spectre and told her that she would give her opinion when necessary she hadn't envisioned that she would become one of Shepard's primary advisers. She had begun to sense that might be part of the role she needed to play after their visit to the temple and the revelations about the Reapers there, but not to this extent. She was rapidly becoming enmeshed in the human's personal life to an extent which she had not allowed herself with anyone since becoming a Justicar…and she was allowing it.

Perhaps it was feeling the depths of the human's despair over the ending of her relationship with the young asari maiden when Shepard had shared memories with her the first day they had met. Perhaps it was the fact that from the very beginning, instead of either fearing her or seeing her as a hero, the Spectre had treated her as the human treated everyone else. Perhaps it was the fact that even though the asari hadn't known the human for long, everything she knew about Amanda indicated that the human was honorable, just, fair and when possible kind. Amanda had called what was between them the beginnings of a friendship and she hadn't objected. The human Spectre was a very honorable and moral person; perhaps a friendship between them was possible.

 

**Normandy – Captain's Quarters – late night on the same day as Normandy's arrival at Tuchanka (continued)**

Shepard lay down on the bed and looked up at the viewport above her. She had taken the globe with her and practiced with it awhile in the limited space of her quarters, then explored Thalion's memories a little more. The last thing she had done before laying down to sleep was to meditate in an effort to re-center herself in her own memories of the past and what made her the human she was today.

The Thorian seemed to have retained a large number of Thalion's memories and Shepard suspected that she had just begun to delve into them. She had come upon memories of biotic feats which she had seen other more experienced biotics perform, but which she had never learned herself. One was a chained effect of a mass lightening lift field which was then rapidly inverted to a mass increasing field, the target rose into the air only to be slammed back down as their mass abruptly increased. She had witnessed Miranda performing this biotic skill to great effect the day they had fought against the Eclipse mercenaries to save her sister. The second biotic effect she had seen Liara use in the past and more recently Miranda, it involved fluctuating micro mass effect fields that worked on a principle similar to disruptor torpedoes, the rapid mass changes literally ripping the target apart. The third biotic skill was one she had only witnessed Liara use, the creation of a dark energy sphere which literally warped the space-time continuum and created an intense gravity well that drew all nearby objects to it. It was a powerful ability when used correctly, but which required careful placement and was very draining to the biotic due to the intensity of the mass effect field that had to be created to form the singularity.

Just as interesting as those memories, were Thalion's memories of a prothean sword, the _anar hathol_, or sun sword. He and Branwen hadn't been practicing staff sparring, but sparring with a staff in the place of the sun sword both because Branwen wasn't allowed one and because the sun swords were simply too dangerous for anyone but two masters to practice with the actual weapon. By Empire law and tradition, possessing and wielding an _anar hathol_ was permitted only to _Dragaran_ and _Dragahîr_ in good standing with the Order of Varnor.

The original _anar hathol_ wielded by the twin Prothean deities Thalion and Callionel, were gifts from their mother, Beriana, who with the god Barthon, created the universe. Myth had it that the goddess Beriana had reached into the sun itself and drawn forth the shining blades from its center to give to her children. Historic _anar hathol_ were specially shaped swords made of metal. The _anar hathol_ of Thalion's time though, used magnetic fields to shape and contain superheated plasma, forming it into a blade and making them closer in nature to the mythological swords after which they were named.

Amanda wanted one, from Thalion's memories two strikes with a sun sword would drain most barriers and cut through all but the heaviest of armors. From his memories she knew how to use one and how to maintain it, but Thalion hadn't been an engineer, he didn't know exactly how the weapon was made. Given time and combining Thalion's memories with Eriathwen's, Amanda might be able to design one but it would certainly be easier if she could find one that had remained hidden until this time. Amanda chuckled at the idea; all the remaining Prothean ruins had been thoroughly picked over by looters for millennium. She knew that sitting in a lab for a few weeks and trying to build it herself was much likelier to produce results than searching for one. After the Collectors then, if there was an after, there was no way she was going to work on such a thing on the Normandy with the Illusive Man keeping tabs on everything.

In the darkness of the room, Amanda sighed and shut her eyes. Even with all of Thalion's knowledge there was one overriding fact that she couldn't forget. With their advanced knowledge of biotics and technology, the Protheans still hadn't been able to stop the Reapers from destroying them. Whatever knowledge she found within the Cipher, while useful, would not be enough to defeat them.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The Mass Effect universe is the property of Bioware/Electronic Arts. No infringement of these copyrights is intended as this is a not for profit fan fiction work.
> 
> Warning: language, violence
> 
> Notes: This is inspired by the Beyonce song "Save the Hero," from the album I am…Sasha Fierce. This is an Alternate Universe story. The portrayal of Cerberus in my story is heavily influenced by the contents of the second and third Mass Effect books, Ascension and Retribution.
> 
> Rating: Mature
> 
> Feedback: Always welcome, feedback is what encourages me to keep writing. Please let me know what you like and what you dislike about the story.
> 
> Errors and Corrections: Yes, please let me know about any errors you see so that I can correct them. This is un-beta'ed so it probably has a few.
> 
> Revision History: 10/07/2010

**Tuchanka – Morning of the second day**

Shepard, along with Jack and Grunt, stood on a two tiered slab of concrete with a set of stairs leading up to the top level on both the front and left sides; around them were the broken remnants of the last krogan city to fall during the Krogan Rebellions. It was fairly clear they were standing in the remains of what used to be a building, twisted off remains of both functional pillars and what appeared to be decorative pillars provided several places for them to take cover. Shepard didn't like the look of the decorative pillars; they appeared to be little more than piping and sheet metal, nothing she would trust to hold up well under fire. The other pillars, the one's with conduit and piping sticking out from their broken off tops, looked much more substantial. Behind them a mammoth structure rose toward the sky, the heart of the destroyed city the Shaman had informed them, the keystone. A few krogan bodies, the ones who had not survived the Rite of Passage, lay on the raised platform as well. A quick glance into one of the armored helmets showed that only hard bone remained, the flesh having been stripped from them, probably by insects Shepard guessed. A strong wind blew from the direction of the keystone; whipping up dust and anything else light enough for it to carry. Thankfully, up on the platform, the structure of the keystone itself blocked most of the wind. You could look to either side and up and see dust and trash sweeping swiftly by, but on the platform itself Shepard could feel only a steady light breeze.

Even though it was morning, the day was already heating up; making Shepard very pleased she had decided to wear her N7 helmet again today. The hardsuit's built in cooling unit was already working at keeping her from getting overheated and the cooler air on her face was welcome. She looked over at her companions, Grunt was staring around at the ruined city an eager look in his blue eyes as he waited for whatever might happen next. Jack was scowling at the landscape around them. A fine layer of dust coated the ex-convicts bare skin, dulling the colors and lines of her tattoos. The biotic looked like she was already regretting agreeing to come along for this jaunt.

"First the krogan conquered Tuchanka… and mastered a natural world only we are fit to hold," the Shaman's voice boomed out from hidden speakers.

Shepard looked up and watched as the cylinder in the center of the keystone rose up high into the air. At the end of the shaman's speech, the massive cylinder dropped, slamming against its base so forcefully that it not only sent a booming noise though the air that vibrated against Shepard's chest and echoed off the nearby hills, but also caused the ground beneath their feet to shudder. Well if that didn't get something's attention nothing would, Shepard though reaching behind her and drawing her rifle while scanning the landscape around them. She had no idea what to expect, the only advice the Shaman had given them was to adapt and thrive no matter the situation if they wished to survive the Rite. The area around them provided excellent cover for any attackers, with ruined walls and high mounds of rubble lying everywhere. Almost as if to prove her concern prophetic, movement between the piles of rubble drew her eye.

"Varren," Grunt called out, identifying them before Shepard could get a good enough view to do so herself.

Varren were pack hunters with strong jaws, they closed with their prey and dragged it down using their weight and numbers. Given that and the fact that the four legged hunters could come quite close to the platform they were standing upon without her team getting a clear shot at them, their best strategy seemed obvious to Shepard. "Stay back here," she called out sharply, noticing that Jack and Grunt were moving forward. "We need the full width of the platform to fire on them as they're coming up either stairway. Grunt take out the ones coming up the steps to our left and Jack you focus on the steps in front of us, I'll help out wherever it's needed." Both krogan and tattoo covered biotic hesitated and Shepard had to remind herself that they were not marines; they wouldn't just follow her orders without question. "There's too much rubble for them to hide behind and sneak up on us if we move forward, the stairs will force them out into the open and into one area," she explained her reasoning.

"Making it a kill zone," Grunt said as he backed up, immediately comprehending her reasoning. All Shepard got from Jack was a grunt of acknowledgment as the biotic backed up the few steps she had taken and chose a position where she had a good view of the stairs in front of them. Good enough for now Shepard decided, but she needed to take both of them on more missions, there wouldn't always be tine for her to explain the why behind her orders.

"Here they come," Grunt announced just before the first varren charged up the stairs and was met by their combined gunfire. Moments later it slid face first into the concrete, red blood pouring from its many wounds and pooling on the dirty concrete beneath it as it died. More varren followed on its heels. The three of them kept up with the first few and then the varren seemed to smarten up; they started charging up the stairs in small packs instead of separately. Shepard felt Jack forming a mass effect field beside her, moments later, and timed with an angry sounding yell from the tattooed woman, the biotic rhythmic booming of a shockwave knocked back the three varren charging up the stairs in front of them. Not a bad idea, thought Shepard as she helped Jack take out the trio. She really should use this occasion to try out a few of the things she had learned from Thalion's memories last night. Since she went into something very like Mushin during combat, Shepard was already almost in a battle focus. She didn't have time to think too long about where to dive for cover, or over analyze when to rise, aim and fire.

She glanced to her left, two varren were currently charging up the stairs Grunt was covering, she shifted her aim and helped the young krogan finish them off. Before the last one stopped moving she was pivoting to her right, checking the situation with the other stairway. Two more varren were midway across the platform headed for Jack and three more were charging up the stairs. In rapid succession, Shepard drew in a breath, focused her thoughts on what she wanted to occur and then thrust her free hand toward them. The biotic shockwave undulated across the concrete pad, knocking the varren into the air and back. It wasn't the most powerful shockwave she had ever created, but it served its purpose, and more importantly it had only taken her a few seconds to form the mass effect field and form the shockwave instead of several seconds. In combat, a few seconds could make all the difference in turning a bad situation into a survivable one or dying.

It wasn't long after the shockwave passed before the varren were shaking their heads and rolling to their feet, some of them more slowly than the others. Her attack had given Jack the time the tattooed woman needed to unleash her own, more powerful shockwave. Of the five varren that had come up the stairs, only two survived both biotic shockwaves to come charging back towards them and it didn't take long for them to fall as well. Shepard glanced over toward the other stairway seeing that the one in front of them was clear for now. Dark bulbous fish-like eyes staring at her, a broad purple stripped head, and an open slavering mouth with sharp teeth rushing toward her was all Shepard's mind had time to register before without conscious thought she snapped out her arm and sent the attacking varren tumbling literally head over heels away from her, a faint haze of bluish white biotic energy trailing behind it. Shepard actually stared after it for half a second, nonplussed by her reaction, before snapping back to the present, raising her rifle, and killing it with a clean shot between the eyes before it could do more than rise to its feet.

While she had been busy helping Jack, Grunt had moved from his spot near her closer to the staircase he was guarding. Currently the young krogan was being overwhelmed by three varren, who were trying to seize his arms and drag him down to the ground. Two more of the creatures were charging up the stairs toward him. The young krogan was shooting at one, while fending off another with powerful blows of his fist. They were all so close to Grunt that Shepard hesitated to fire her rifle for fear of hitting him.

Remembering her exercises with the globe of Earth last night, Shepard focused her mind on one of the two remaining varren attacking Grunt, he had killed the other varren with his shotgun. She reached out her hand… in response to her will a mass effect field formed around the varren lifting it into the air where it thrashed about in confusion. That lasted only a fraction before Shepard drew back her hand, sending the varren slamming into the concrete and metal barrier behind them. She then snapped her arm forward as if she were throwing a fast ball, propelling the dazed and dying creature forward with her biotics into the other three attacking Grunt, knocking them down and away from her teammate.

That was all the young krogan needed, with a roar he started firing his weapon at the nearest varren struggling to rise while Shepard and Jack fired upon the other two. When the last varren fell, and the last echo of weapons fire died away, the three of them stood watchful and still, straining their senses for any further sign of attack. None came, and after several seconds Shepard relaxed, if there were more varren sulking about out there they had decided to leave them alone.

"Ah ha," Grunt slammed his fists together in excitement. "That was fun, I liked the thing you did with the varren," he swung his arm in the air, enthusiastically mimicking Shepard's biotic mnemonic.

"Yea, nice use of your biotics," complimented Jack offhandedly as she lowered her shotgun.

"Thanks," Shepard replied to them both, smiling at Grunt's enthusiasm and feeling rather good about the unexpected praise from the ex-convict. Jack was more likely to hand out curses and sneering comments than compliments. Using improvised weapons wasn't new to her, Special Forces training encouraged the same type of thinking after all. Thalion however, had been a master at it. Anything that could be lifted with his biotics could be hurled at the enemy, frequently with devastating results if the attack were timed well. The Eclipse Captain Wasea had tried the same thing back on Illium with the canister of Minagen X she had thrown at them. Only the mercenary leader should have pinned them down with gunfire and then thrown the chemical at them when they couldn't move without exposing themselves to the mercenaries' weapons fire instead of using it as an opening attack.

"Take a breather and a drink if you need it," Shepard said suspecting that Jack, even more than she needed a moment to recover from their first round. The day was rapidly getting hotter and she noticed sweat running down the biotic's back, streaking the grayish yellow dust that coated her.

Grunt who had been looking at the ruined landscape around them and up at the keystone abruptly said, "Push the trigger for the keystone, I'm ready for another round." The krogan started toward the control that would raise the cylinder when Shepard didn't immediately move, apparently not paying any attention to the fact that she had just told them to take a moment to rest and drink if they needed it.

"Stop!" she commanded him sternly, her tone was enough to have the young krogan turning toward her with narrowing eyes. She hadn't spoken to him in that way before. She met his gaze evenly, "It's a leader's duty to make sure that everyone is combat ready before making the choice to engage the enemy when you have that option. What is your team's physical condition? Do any of them need medical treatment or an evac? Do they have enough thermal clips for the next engagement? Are there any weapons issues that might impact their fighting ability?"

The young krogan stared at her uncertainly for a moment and then swung around to look at Jack who was calmly pulling out a small canister of water. Undoubtedly, just like Shepard's it was actually an energy drink made especially for biotics to use in the field. She took a drink out of it swished it around in her mouth and then forcefully spat it out on the ground. "This damn dust is for shit," Jack complained, seeing them watching her, "and it's fucking hot." She took a deep drink and then ran a hand irritably over her shaved head, glowering at it when it came away covered with grime. She turned that gaze to Shepard next, "Get off the ship, fight a few things," she parroted the Commander. "Fuck you Shepard, next time I'm checking out the damn environmental data for wherever we're going before I agree to anything."

Shepard had to bark out a laugh at that, "You think this is bad, you should check out the Black Swamp on Cuervo, the Alliance uses it for Special Forces training. It's as hot as this, but humid instead of dry, big leeches," she held up her hand with her forefinger and thumb about two inches apart, "fish that try to eat you, and oh yes poisonous snakes."

Jack looked at Shepard as if she were crazy and shook her head. "You may like that sort of stuff, but I don't," the biotic retorted.

Still smiling, Shepard turned back to Grunt, "If you have a lull in combat, take full advantage of it," she advised him. "Your krantt's level of preparedness may make the difference between them winning or losing the next battle." She looked around at the varren corpses that surrounded them, her smile changing to a grimace, "And while we're at it, let's clear some of these dead varren out of the way or we'll be tripping over them."

When they were done and rested from moving the varren bodies, Shepard walked over to the console and tapped it. "Then the krogan were lifted to the stars to destroy the fears of a galaxy, an enemy only we could chase to their lair." Again the keystone sent a booming vibration through both the air and the land.

The rachni, thought Shepard, but surely there were no rachni here for the krogan to fight. Or maybe what the Shaman said was simply part of the Rite and had nothing to do with whatever the keystone happened to summon on any particular day. She heard something... in the air? Shepard looked up and her eyes widened at the sight of what was flying toward them out of the haze of dust laden winds.

_"Noroth vilmaleuca,"_ Shepard said the prothean name for the creature somewhat disbelievingly, as the sight of the creature triggered a veritable flood of information from Thalion's memories. Shepard shook her head and determinedly focused her attention on the here-and-now to keep herself from slipping into the prothean battlemaster's memories. The prothean words literally meant a giant flying worm, which is how it had been described by the first terrified survivor of one of the creature's attacks. The name had stuck even though the animal wasn't a worm, but a massive arthropod. At least twenty-five meters in length, the creature had a long sinuous neck covered with a segmented chitin exoskeleton and viscous looking pincers on either side of its mouth - to Shepard it looked a lot like an enormous flying centipede with only four legs.

"Shit!" Jack swore as she came up beside Shepard. "That's a harvester," the biotic gave a more up-to-date name to the creature as it landed on the ground some distance away from them. "They drop these things called klixen," Jack started to say, but she was interrupted by Grunt's yell.

"Crawlers!" the young krogan shouted, drawing Shepard's attention away from Jack. She looked at where he was pointing, there were two_ nárëonna_, or crawlers, or klixen, depending on which name she wanted to call them, making their slow but steady approach to the platform.

"Klixen," Jack snapped the correction at him. "They breathe fire and as for using incendiary ammo you might as well not bother."

"Whatever you want to call them," Grunt growled back at her, "Ammo piercing rounds will break through their shells." He informed them as he switched the ammo setting on his massive shotgun. He was right, Shepard thought as she followed suit, armor piercing ammunition would work well to hammer through the thick chitin that covered the klixen.

"Biotics are good to keep them back" Jack said, her eyes sharp on the approaching pair of klixen. "We need to kill them before they get close to us because they explode when they die."

"I'm familiar with them," Shepard informed her briefly. Crawlers or klixen were large insectoid creatures with a thick reddish colored chitinous exoskeleton and two large spikes projecting from their backs. Their abdomens contained bladders filled with different chemicals that when mixed and then exposed to oxygen burned. This flaming breath was their main attack, the second danger they posed wasn't an attack, but a natural result of their deaths. When they died the chemicals that they combined to produce their flame attack mixed, as soon as air came into contact with that mixture in their gullets they exploded in a mess of sharp chitinous shards and burning organic matter. Shepard glanced at Jack's bare skin, being near an exploding klixen would not be very pleasant experience for the biotic. That reminded Shepard she needed to broach the subject of the ex-convict wearing something more protective than a few leather straps sometime soon.

"So, how do you know about harvesters and klixen Shepard? They're not that common," Jack questioned as all three of them moved closer to the staircase and raised their weapons. They would withdraw as the klixen got closer. If necessary, they had the entire width of the platform to retreat as needed to keep away from the insects flaming breath attack.

"I've heard about them from other people. This is the first time I've actually seen one though," Shepard replied vaguely. For once she was actually happy that _Dragaran_ Berioelir had been so proud of his team's battle with one of the rare _noroth vilmaleuca_ and the _nárëonna_ that it dropped that he insisted on telling every new person about what they had done in excruciating and rather graphic detail. She must have heard the tale at least fifteen… Shepard's thoughts trailed off, those were Thalion's memories not her own, she forcefully reminded herself. Sometimes remembering as if she were the person was disconcerting, especially when she thought about the fact that everything she remembered had happened well over fifty thousand years ago. In any case, now was definitely not the time to be caught up in the prothean warrior's memories. Shepard looked for where the approaching insects would have to break cover to come up to the platform and aimed for where she thought they would appear.

"Uh," was Jacks comment on that just before any possibility of conversation was drowned out by the noise of their weapon's firing as the two reddish colored insects finally came fully into view heading toward the stairs on the left side of the platform.

The insect's exoskeletons were indeed as tough as Thalion's memories indicated; it took from the time the lead klixen appeared until it was almost to the stairway for their concentrated fire to shatter the hard chitinous exterior enough to kill the creature. The second klixen was at the bottom of the stairs and starting up them when the first died. Now was the time to see if _Dragaran_ Berioelir had been exaggerating. Shepard started counting, "One," she reached out and with her bioitcs lifted the live klixen. Jack and Grunt stopped firing on the oversized insect, watching what she was doing curiously instead. "Two," with a gentle movement of her hand thrust it backwards, "Three," to land on top of its dead companion. A second later the dead klixen exploded with the live one still struggling to get back down to the ground. The creature screeched in agony as its less armored underside was shredded.

"Damn. Good idea," Jack said, sounding impressed as the wounded klixen finally struggled to its feet and began coming up the stairs toward them. Shepard felt a powerful biotic surge from Jack just as she raised her rifle again and then the insect was sailing back down the steps to land a few feet away from them.

Shepard started firing on it before it even rose to its feet, "Concussive shot to its side Grunt," she yelled, Hopefully a round from the krogan's powerful shotgun would knock the klixen over. The young krogan let out a yell of enthusiasm as he caught on to what she wanted. He stepped forward while changing his ammunition, aimed carefully and then fired. "Good shot," Shepard congratulated him as the concussive shot knocked the klixen over on its side revealing its shredded and oozing abdomen. She shifted her aim immediately and began firing in controlled bursts at the deepest looking wound, Jack following suit from beside her. The rifle was not as accurate as her usual pistol, but it had a much larger clip, meaning that she didn't need to reload as often. Of course, when you did need to reload it was often at the worst possible moment...such as now. Shepard cursed underneath her breath as she brought the rifle down from her shoulder to quickly eject the thermal clip and put in a new one.

Thankfully, the klixen was having a hard time getting back on its feet with both Grunt and Jack using shotguns, the force of their shots kept knocking it back on its side. The thermal clip changed out, Shepard raised her rifle only to hear over the noise of the shotgun blasts the beating of wings. The harvester was returning, probably to drop off another pair of klixen. Depending on Grunt and Jack to kill the wounded one, Shepard turned her attention to the skies around the keystone, the direction from which she could hear the creature. Abruptly the harvester appeared from out of the dust laden haze and swooped in low over the platform to land on the opposite side. The massive arthropod had landed much closer than the first time and Shepard kept her rifle trained on its centipede like head as she watched the creature warily.

From Thalion's memories, _noroth vilmaleuca_ or harvesters were omnivores. They preferred fruits and tubers, which was probably where they got their current name, but they wouldn't pass up carrion or a live creature if they thought they could easily kill it. For something so big, they were oddly disinclined to attack anything directly themselves. Perhaps it was due to the fact that, because they needed to be light enough to fly, they had a thinner exoskeleton than most other arthropods. It made them relatively vulnerable to attacks. The Protheans hadn't known exactly how intelligent the creatures were, they had only made guesses based on the fact that they were intelligent enough to purposefully use the klixen as weapons. Obviously this harvester was familiar with two legged creatures that carried weapons, and knew they were not the easy prey they might otherwise appear, which was why it hadn't attacked them itself and was instead flying back and forth bringing the klixen.

Shepard didn't take her eyes off of the harvester even when the sound of Grunt and Jack's shotguns firing ceased and then there was the muffled sound of the klixen exploding. A few seconds later she heard the sound of their boots crunching on the rubble as they came over to join her.

"Big," was Grunt's simple and to the point comment as he stared up at the harvester. Shepard glanced over at him and grinned a little. He had a thoughtful expression on his young face. Considering that one of the more common things Grunt put a lot of thought into was killing, she suspected he was wondering if they could take the creature. It wasn't easy, from what she knew they had a tendency to retreat as soon as they were wounded.

"Yes it is," Shepard agreed with him. Movement drew her eye, the two klixen that the harvester had just brought were making their way toward them. With a loud screech, the harvester sprang back into the air, its wings beating furiously as it struggled to gain altitude. It flew past the keystone structure and disappeared, most likely to get more klixen, Shepard suspected. She turned her attention back to the two who were already here and raised her rifle to her shoulder. They were within firing range for her, Jack and Grunt would need to wait for them to get closer before their shotguns would have any effect. She began firing at the lead klixen's head, a few seconds later the forceful booms of the two shotguns punctuated the steady bursts of fire from her weapon.

Shepard waited for the two klixen to close to about ten meters away before she lowered her rifle and concentrated on forming a mass effect field. She had never attempted to do this before and she wanted to make sure she did it right. She raised her hand and focused her mind, shaping the mass effect field into the very specific composition and form that she needed. A dense sphere of swirling dark energy formed above her hand. As soon as Shepard was satisfied with it, she propelled it toward the two approaching klixen with a sharp gesture. Beside her, she noticed Jack pause for a moment in her firing as the biotic saw what she was doing. When the dark energy sphere reached the two klixen, it collapsed in on itself, forming a point of near infinite mass which in turn created an intense gravitational field that drew the klixen upward into the air where they struggled helplessly.

While she recovered from the momentary feeling of fatigue brought on by her creation of the singularity, Shepard snapped her rifle back up to her shoulder and took the opportunity to briefly fire a few shots at one of the insects abdomen's as it hung twisting in the air. A few seconds later, feeling recovered, she concentrated again summoning another mass effect field. Instead of a dense sphere of dark energy however, she formed a more diffuse cloud inside which the mass effect fields fluctuated rapidly between increasing mass and decreasing mass. She lifted her free hand and thrust it toward the suspended klixen, sending the dark energy she had just formed in their direction. As soon as the warp field came into contact with the singularity the rapidly fluctuating mass effect energy destabilized the subatomic point of near infinite mass at its center, causing it to rapidly expand. In other words, to forcefully explode, exactly as Shepard remembered from the times Liara had combined these two different types of biotic effects.

First affected by the fluctuating mass effect fields of the warp field and then thrown several feet backward by the force of the detonation, the two klixen had not fared well. One of them was pulling itself forward primarily by its front legs, its left rear limb twisted and useless. The second klixen was better off, it still had the use of all of its limbs, but it appeared dazed and uncoordinated as it staggered toward them.

Jack and Grunt had both stopped firing when the two mass effect fields had combined and exploded. Out of the corner of her eye, Shepard noticed the biotic look over at her sharply, a slight surprised expression on the tattooed woman's face. Little wonder, they had only been on one other mission together and Shepard had barely used her biotics at all that day. Grunt was the first to start firing once again followed quickly by Shepard and then Jack. All three of them focused their fire on the klixen in the lead, who seemed to be recovering from whatever had affected it. Over their gunfire, she heard the sound of wings and a feeling of foreboding touched her, the harvester was returning, and they hadn't killed off the first two klixen yet.

The sound of the harvester's wing beats got louder, and closer. Concerned, Shepard risked a glance over her shoulder. Her eyes widened in alarm, the giant arthropod was flying very low, much lower than either time before. As it swooped overhead, low enough to have to avoid the metal towers and make Grunt and Jack both reflexively duck, and dropped the two klixen it was carrying on top of the platform with them. Shepard whirled around to face the new threat. She moved forward toward the two newly arrived klixen, leaving Jack and Grunt to deal with the other two. As soon as she was close enough, Shepard thrust out her hand and sent the nearest reddish colored insect tumbling backward and off the far side of the platform with a forceful biotic push.

With a thump that echoed through the concrete underneath their feet, the harvester landed on the lower level of the raised platform upon which they were standing. The massive creature was close enough to attack, something Shepard was acutely aware of even as the second klixen that it had dropped on top of the platform turned towards her. It was close enough to attack as well. Shepard held out her hand and with a biotic lift raised it off the concrete hoping that would distract the insect enough to keep it from attacking her.

"Fuck," she heard Jack curse behind her.

"Stay on the other two, we're in deeper trouble if they get up here too," she ordered Jack and Grunt without looking away from the massive winged arthropod in front of her. Its head was easily over two meters wide, more than large enough to swallow her whole. Most of its neck was smooth segmented chitin, except for the lower part which had short, dark brown spikes on each segment. It towered over her, its head easily eight meters or so in the air. It reared its head back, opened its mouth wide and with an almost deafening screech snapped its head down and toward her. That was what Shepard had been waiting for, she quickly swung her arm forward and with a biotic push directed the suspended klixen into the wide open, whitish-colored maw coming toward her and then leapt as far as she could to the side. Shepard put all of her strength into it, not really registering in the urgency of the moment that she was utilizing her biotics to lighten her mass. She heard a loud snap behind her as the harvester's mouth closed on thin air where she had just been. She landed first on her left foot, and continuing forward stepped wide onto her right. Bleeding off her momentum, she pivoted with bended knee on the ball of her right foot, spinning with her left leg extended in a move that was more akin to a low leg sweep than anything else to see the results of her action.

She was only two meters away from the brownish colored massive head, close enough see its eye pit and the structure of the mandible on the side of its mouth. She was certainly close enough to clearly hear the sound of the klixen exploding in its mouth. She rose from her crouch and started backpedaling away from it, unaware of the shimmer of biotic energy that formed protectively around her as she subconsciously created her first biotic barrier in response to the threat. The harvester screeched again, this time in pain as the remains of the klixen as well as the creatures on blood spewed from its mouth. Then it swung its head toward her. Shepard desperately threw herself backward. At the same time, more on instinct than anything else, she dropped her rifle, thrust both of her hands forward, and in a swirl of bluish-white dark energy used a biotic push to force the creature's head up and over her supine body.

The brownish colored head passed only feet above her, and she could have sworn that one of its mandibles had just clipped her helmet. The summoning of so much biotic energy at one time her feeling as drained as if she had just completed a long march with a heavy pack, but Shepard knew she was not safe yet. Shepard grabbed her rifle, and forced her body to roll over so she could stagger to her feet. Reason told her the harvester would attack again. She glanced over toward Grunt and Jack, right at the moment they were both looking back at her. Jack's eyes were almost comically wide for the normally 'I don't give a fuck about anyone else besides myself' woman. Past them the klixen with only three legs was dragging itself up the stairs, they must have killed the other one Shepard realized. She reached out her hand towards the reddish insect, forcing her tired body to respond, lifted it and then twisted around, causing the wounded klixen to sail past a startled Jack and Grunt and into the open maw of the harvester headed rapidly toward her. The attack that both instinct and logic had told her would occur. Shepard once again leapt out of its way and then sprinted forward for a few steps to get a bit more distance between her and the creature. For a second time the harvester got a mouthful of klixen instead of Spectre.

There was a dull thumping noise from inside the massive head as the insect in its mouth exploded. Shepard spun around looking back at the creature; she knew it had to be hurting by now. The harvester jerked its head back and then screeched even louder than before spraying a gruesome mixture of klixen shell shards, shredded flesh and organs, and bloody viscous fluid. Only this time Jack and Grunt were standing almost directly in front of it. The krogan and biotic sprang apart dodging the remains, blood and spittle, and then with uneerily similar snarls of anger, both began firing upon the harvester with their shotguns. Shepard stared at them for a moment and then lifted her rifle and began firing at the creature's eye. The harvester screeched, drew back its head and once again tried to attack them, snapping at Jack this time. The biotic hurriedly backpedaled out of range while the harvester plowed its head into the concrete. The massive arthropod raised its head, blood dripping from the sides of its jaws and lunged forward snapping a second time at Jack who simply kept retreating as she fired on it. By now the harvester appeared to be enraged, the option of retreating didn't seem to be in its mind at all.

Shepard stopped firing long enough to raise her hand and focus on creating her second ever warp field. She gestured and propelled the dark energy mass toward the harvester's head. Almost at the same time, Jack snarled at the harvester, "I will hurt you!" Biotic energy swirled around the tattooed woman and then she thrust her hand forward.

The two bluish-white dark energy fields met at their target, merged together and then imploded. The harvester's centipede-like head whipped high in the air as it screeched at the sky and then fell back toward them. Shepard turned and ran as did Jack and Grunt. A second later the harvester's head slammed into the concrete of the platform. Shepard stopped, and turned to look at the creature. The massive arthropod didn't move. Shepard's eyes traced along the segmented neck to the rest of its body, the harvester's wings and legs were limp, and it didn't appear to be breathing. Just to be certain she activated her omni-tool and scanned the centipede like head, the omni-tools sensors didn't detect signs of life. The harvester was dead. Shepard let out the breath she had just taken in pure relief and let herself relax a little, that had been a hard battle and one very close call for her. She was very thankful now that she had forged on last night and found Thalion's memories.

"Yea! I am krogan!" roared Grunt in triumph it sunk in they had won. Shepard had to grin at the excited young male; it was obvious he was still feeling the effects of the adrenaline rush from the battle. So was she, she was just more used to it, and time and experience had taught her to not to let it make her reckless.

Suddenly remembering the last klixen, the one she had pushed off the platform with her biotics, Shepard hurried over toward the left edge of the platform. Looking quickly back and forth and scanning the area she didn't immediately see it. Shepard frowned, where could it be? Then she spotted it…or rather the remains of it. There were two distinct areas where klixen shell shards and remains were splattered across the concrete from where the insects had exploded, at the base of the stairs where they had killed the first two, and then a single smaller area a several feet away. She stared at the second set of remains in bemusement, had the harvester stepped on it perhaps?

"Hey were did that last one go?" Jack questioned, apparently noticing that they hadn't accounted for one klixen as well.

Shepard pointed at the remains, "I think the harvester stepped on it."

"Haha," Grunt responded to that bit of news with amusement.

Jack's shoulders slumped as the tattooed woman finally relaxed. "Shit," the biotic commented, looking at the dead harvester, "And krogan have to live through this to become adults?"

"I don't think the harvester attacking is usually part of it," Shepard responded, "They're reputed to not like endangering themselves. I suspect the young krogan undergoing their Rite usually fire at it, and the fact that we didn't caused it to think we were easy prey."

"We were not, as it learned," Grunt said as he swung around to glare at the dead harvester.

Both Shepard and Jack continued watching the krogan for a moment before the biotic turned back to face her. "I wasn't aware you were that good with your biotics," Jack said with a narrow-eyed look, "You even used them to help you jump out of the way when it was trying to eat you."

She had? Shepard stared at the other biotic bemused for a few seconds before her mind started going over those two instances when she had escaped the arthropod's jaws. Both times the harvester had been aiming dead center for her; to have jumped as far as she did when she turned around to look back at the creature meant that she had leapt at least three meters if not more in full armor and with a full weapon's load-out on her back. She was much stronger now, but not that strong, which meant that she had lightened herself, exactly as Samara had when she jumped out of the window after the Eclipse Lieutenant.

"I haven't seen you use them much before," Jack continued, interrupting Shepard's thoughts.

"I'm trying to get in the habit of using them more instead of relying on my weapons," Shepard replied truthfully. She looked over at Jack, weighing whether or not to tell the other woman about the biotic upgrades that had done. Finally she said, "Cerberus did a few things while they were patching me up, one of which increased my biotics ability by quite a lot. I'm still getting used to it." She was still getting used to a lot of things, Shepard thought to herself.

"Is that what you've been doing with the asari?" Jack asked after a moment.

Shepard eyed her, so the biotic wasn't as unaware of what went on in the ship as she would have thought given her near recluse status. She nodded, "Among other things such as meditating together," she replied evasively. She was not going to tell Jack about the prothean memories floating around in her brain.

She reached down to one of the cargo pouches on the utility belt around her waist and pulled out an energy drink, after that biotic push she was definitely feeling the need for it. If things continued in the same vein, she could only guess what might be in store for them next. Hell for all she knew it would be a thresher maw… her hand stopped in the process of lifting the drink in her hand. Her eyes narrowed as her mind raced, that would fit only too well. She looked over at the nearest krogan body, examining their armor would tell her if she was right, nothing could dissolve armor quite like thresher maw acid. First things first though, she needed to find out if there were even thresher maws here, "Grunt, does Tuchanka have thresher maws?"

"Yes," the young krogan replied staring at her curiously.

"Start examining their armor," she pointed at the dead krogan. "Look for deep pitting or holes that look like something dissolved the material of the armor."

"Damn it," Jack swore forcefully and then strode angrily over to the nearest body, Grunt followed her. Shepard sucked down her energy drink quickly, stored the empty pouch with the first and then crossed over to a different still form. She stood over the dead krogan examining what she could see of its armor to try and determine how it had died. The corpse was laying on its front; she could see nothing wrong with the back or side of its armor. Bending over, she grabbed a shoulder pad and heaved it over onto its back. A deep rent across the chest piece that tore through it as if it were tissue paper told its own story. Only a few things had the strength and ability to tear through thick armor like this, a thresher maw was one of them.

"Whoa," Shepard heard Jack exclaim just before Grunt called out her name, drawing her attention away from the body she was examining.

She walked over to where the young krogan and biotic were staring down at one of the dead krogans. As she had done, they had rolled the heavily armored body over on its back to reveal the cause of death. The krogan's armored chest piece was almost entirely dissolved away, instead of thick armor plating and shield generators there was a large circular hole with irregular edges. Whatever had destroyed the young krogan's armor had eaten though the krogan's entire body and even into the back armor. Shepard looked at the rough irregular edges of the hole, noticed other places where the armor had been deeply pitted. "Thresher maw acid," she said grimly, "Nothing else I know of can eat through armor and a body like this."

She drew in a deep breath looking at the two of them, she'd bet she was the only one of them with any experience in taking down the dangerous worms. "Jack do you have any experience fighting thresher maws?" she asked, hoping that despite her suspicion the biotic would answer in the affirmative.

The biotic shook her head, her expression serious, "No, do you?"

Shepard nodded, "If I'm right, this will be the sixth one of them that I've killed, but only my third on foot. We killed the other three in a Mako. Quite a bit safer and easier… well as safe and easy as going up against a thresher maw can be," Shepard corrected herself.

"Only your third one on foot?" Jack echoed disbelievingly, it was obvious the biotic wasn't certain she was telling the truth.

Shepard smiled wryly, "Three in the Mako, two on foot, so yes if we get a thresher maw it will be my third kill on foot." Seeing the frown on Jack's face she explained, "We had to buy our own equipment when we were chasing down Saren too; one of the ways we did that was by turning in the location of significant mineral deposits to the Alliance for a discovery fee. Usually that meant going down in the Mako to an uncharted planet or moon and physically checking out the site and placing a survey marker nearby. Between a few missions we went on for the Alliance and that, we ended up running into a few of them. Funnily enough," Shepard commented, "it was Wrex who taught me what signs to watch out for that indicated a nest and how to fight them on foot and survive." That drew Grunt's attention, Shepard noticed, as the young krogan ceased his restless scanning of their surroundings to eye her with increased interest.

"Want to share that information with us?" Jack asked irritably.

Shepard nodded, deciding it was probably best to just let the other biotics attitude go unremarked upon. If she had known it was going to be this interesting, she would have probably asked Garrus to accompany them instead of Jack, he at least already knew how to fight the huge worms. Then again, she had the feeling that she was gaining Jacks respect in a way that she hadn't before, so perhaps things were working out for the best…provided she could keep everyone alive through their next engagement of course. "Thresher maws like to come up underneath you if possible, either killing you outright or right after as you're trying to escape. If you're within striking distance, a thresher maw can strike as quickly as any snake on earth. Don't let their size deceive you; they're extremely quick and those claws near its head can tear into any known armor. Even a Mako can only survive one direct strike and that one usually disables it so you can't escape the second." She noticed that both Grunt and Jack were giving her their complete attention. "A general rule of thumb is to stay at least two thirds of the thresher maws height above ground away from it to keep it from trying that attack."

"If you're not close enough for it to strike at directly, the thresher will spit acid at you," Shepard continued her briefing. "They're extremely accurate," she nodded toward the dead krogan at their feet who had been probably been hit exactly where the thresher maw had been aiming. "So you have to wait until they're just about to spit at you to start moving and then you need to move as fast as possible because you need at least two meters of space between where you were when the acid hits to avoid being splashed by it. Just as Wrex did for me, I'll call out when to move for this one if we don't have any cover to get behind."

Shepard paused for a second thinking about what she had covered so far, and what else she still needed to tell them. "Just as you don't want to get close enough for it to strike at you; you also don't want to get so far away from the maw that it can't spit at you. If you do, it will go underground and attempt to burrow up underneath you once again. So two thirds its above ground length one way and four above ground lengths the other way is your zone for keeping it stationary and only attacking by spitting at you. Also, don't underestimate how fast they can move underground. A thresher maw is easily able to overtake a runner or moving Mako." She stopped speaking to look around at the area, "It doesn't appear as if we have to worry about that here. If we did, this concrete slab we are on would be demolished already so it's thick enough that the thresher maw can't get through it. I'd guess we are safe on this tier or the lower one, anything past that I wouldn't bet on."

"I won't lie to you," Shepard stated quite seriously, "This is probably one of the most deadly creatures you will ever come up against. Thresher Maws are quick, strong, and if any of its attacks succeeded, barring a miracle, you are dead." The corpse at their feet gave mute testimony to that fact.

Grunt growled at that but nodded, "So we make sure they don't," he said and slammed his armored fists together for emphasis.

Shepard's lips twitched at his behavior, "That about sums it up," she agreed. "As I said, I have killed five of these and survived. Their most vulnerable spots are the four sensory organs on their heads; the rest of their body is covered with an exoskeleton with a high mineral and metal content. You can chip through it with enough time, but it's better to concentrate your fire on their eyes if possible." She paused for a second and then added for completeness. "The inside of their mouths is also vulnerable, but I'm sure I don't have to elaborate on the dangers of standing around and firing at it while it's mouth is open and it's spitting acid at you," she said in a dry tone. Shepard knew she could get off one or two shots, but she didn't want either of them trying it during their first time. When it came to a thresher maw, timing and managing your distance from it was everything.

She glanced around them and pointed at one of the decorative looking pillars, "I don't think those will hold up well against a maw's acid attack but," she twisted around and indicated one of the other pillars, one of the ones with conduits and piping sticking out, "those should. We just need to make sure the thresher maw can't get close enough to them to attack us if we're standing behind them. I'll take the left, Jack you take the front and Grunt you check the right. Use your omni-tool sensors to check how far from the front of the pillars the foundations extend."

Ten minutes later they had both verified that the foundations of the destroyed building should extend far enough for them to be safe on the lower levels as well as work out a plan of attack. "Ready?" Shepard asked, standing over by the console. At Jack and Grunt's nods, she taped out the commands to begin the last challenge in the Rite of Passage.

"Now all krogan bear the genophage, our reward, our curse. It is a fight where the only goal is survival!" the Shaman's voice rang out again as the massive cylinder at the center of the keystone structure rose high into the air. For a third time it fell, slamming into its base and sending its summons through the air and land.

The vibrations from the keystone echoed back from the hills around them before dying away, leaving only the incessant sound of the wind blowing across the shattered landscape. For several seconds nothing happened and then Shepard began to feel the faintest hint of a vibration in the concrete underneath her feet. As the vibration grew steadily in strength, Shepard kept a sharp eye out for the tell-tale ripple of an approaching maw, but saw nothing. She frowned, that was unexpected and worrisome. In her experience, given the way the concrete underneath her feet was shaking, she should see some sign of the thresher maw that was causing it.

Shepard heard a muffled sounding roaring screech above the wind and then the thick concrete underneath their feet shuddered as if the keystone had been struck once again. "Feel that?" Grunt said, looking around them. "Everything is…shaking. I am ready!" Shepard had felt it alright, had the thresher maw come in further underground than normal and slammed into the foundation of the platform?

At that moment two thick aqua blue colored tentacles shot up out of the ground, one on either side of the tunnel entrance where they had been dropped off to start the Rite. Shepard had seen a thresher do this only once before. At the time she had been standing on an old prothean beacon site, the beacon long since gone, and the thresher maw had been searching for them. She knew then the giant worm had to be right below them, underneath the foundations of the ruined building upon which they were standing.

"What the hell is that?" Jack turned midway and growled the question at her.

Shepard shot her a narrow eyed look in response even as she replied in a clipped tone, "Feelers from the thresher maw."

"It's out there?" the other woman pointed towards the front of the platform.

"Part of it," Shepard answered truthfully.

"Part of it," Jack repeated, her dark eyes narrowing, "Where the hell is the rest of it?"

Shepard pointed straight down.

"Shit!" the biotic swore and turned to face toward the two tentacles once again. Somehow Shepard got the idea that, despite the fact she had told them the creatures grew to be eighty or more meters long, Jack was just now comprehending exactly how big thresher maws were and that they made the harvester they had just killed look mid-sized.

"I'll let it know where we are," Grunt declared as he raised his shotgun and fired at the nearest tentacle.

"Grunt, normally one's commander makes the choice of when to engage the enemy," Shepard informed him in a crisply clear command voice that had him instantly turning his head to look at her. Whatever expression was on her face, it was enough to cut off any defense of his actions that he wanted to make and simply nod.

That was all she had time for because in the next moment the ground of the hillside in front of them developed a moving ripple that drew her full attention. "Thresher," she yelled pointing toward it while simultaneously reaching over her back and pulling the Collector particle beam weapon they had found on Horizon from where it was secured on her weapons pack. "Take your positions," at her command, both Grunt and Jack took off for different pillars. Grunt on the first tier of the platform, and Jack behind one of the two pillars along the front side of the second tier. Shepard stood her ground in the middle, it was her job to attract the thresher maw's attention and give them time to get in position since she had the most experience evading the creature's acid attack. Jack was standing by her pillar and Grunt had almost made it to his when rubble and dirt sprayed high into the air and with a roaring screech the thresher maw erupted from the ground. Buff-colored, stone like chitin segments covered its body and armored its head except around its mouth area and the four light blue sensory organs or eyes.

"Holy…" Shepard's voice trailed off as she saw the width of the creature's head, and then the massive worm just kept rising out of the ground. "Fuck!" she exclaimed, "What the hell do they feed the thresher maws here?" Shepard yelled to Grunt, who had just ducked into cover behind his pillar, as she raised the Collector weapon to her shoulder. It had to be the largest thresher maw she had ever seen, easily thirty-five or more meters tall, and that was just the part that was above ground. The thing was probably more than a hundred meters in length overall.

"Krogan," yelled Jack before Grunt could reply. Shepard snorted in amusement at the biotics answer even though she knew it wasn't something they shouldn't joke about considering how likely it was that the thresher maw **had** eaten several krogan.

"Then they were weak!" Grunt retorted as he stepped out from behind the pillar and began firing at the thresher maw. Shepard joined in, aiming the Collector weapon at the giant worm's faintly glowing lower right eye. The thresher maw screeched in pain as the particle beam cut into it, reared back its head and promptly spat a large glob of viscous acid at her. Shepard started moving as soon as she saw the thresher actually spit; at that point it was committed to a specific trajectory. She sprinted forward and to the left, holding her weapon at the ready, and stopping only after she was certain there was enough room between her and where the acid would land.

She raised her weapon, aimed at the same eye and fired again. This time, instead of spitting at her, the thresher withdrew back into the ground. Along with Jack and Grunt, Shepard kept her weapon raised as she watched the hillside and waited. Would it come back up again in the same spot or move? She saw the ripple start at the same time as she felt the ground beneath her feet start vibrating once again. It was moving; Shepard lowered her weapon and started jogging along with the creature. In the next second, the thresher maw rose from the ground again, this time near the pillar Grunt was taking cover behind.

Shepard snapped her weapon up and began firing as soon as she targeted the same sensory organ on the thresher maw's head that she had wounded before. From their respective places, Jack and Grunt leaned out of cover and began firing at the creature as well. Again the thresher maw reared back and spat its deadly acid at her, this time she sprinted right. She hadn't really been paying attention to the fact that she had stopped near one of the decorative appearing towers until the acid hit it. Whether it was the force with which the thick fluid hit or just the flimsiness of its construction, Shepard wasn't sure, but it was enough to knock the pillar down. Pipes and metal sheeting fell towards her at the same time as the thresher reared back to spit at her once again.

A slight pivot to face the falling debris, while snapping the Collector weapon into position for a defensive block, was enough for Shepard to send a strong enough biotic push in the direction of the falling metal and poles to keep them from landing on her. She then dove forward planting her weapon on the ground as she rolled over it, keeping her knees bent and ending in a kneeling crouch as the large globule of acid passed above and to the right of her. Shepard was firing at the thresher maw as soon as she raised her weapon to her shoulder. Once again the giant worm screeched in pain and withdrew swiftly back below the surface. Shepard took the opportunity to rise to her feet even as she glanced quickly around her to place in her mind the location of both the debris from the one pillar and the placement of the others. She didn't want to find herself in the same situation a second time.

Catching everyone by surprise, the thresher maw erupted from the earth in the same area at it had before, only closer to the pillar Grunt was taking cover behind. A frown turned down the edges of Shepard's mouth as she took note of the giant buff-colored worm's location, the thing had to be right up against the foundations of the building to get that close to the young krogan. She looked at the size and length of the pincers on either size of the thresher maw's head, measured with her eyes the distance between the worm and Grunt's location. The pillar the young krogan was standing behind was the only solid pillar on the first tier, far to the right of where they had entered and close to the edge of the ruined building. Shepard had been thinking of the thresher maws she had fought before when they had measured the distance between it and the edge of the foundation and she declared it safe. This maw however was far larger and longer than any she had fought before and was a good ten meters farther out of the ground than what she had been expecting. That particular fact, Shepard realized with a rush of sharp concern, put Grunt's location within attack range. Shepard fired at the thresher maw, she needed it focused on her and not on the fact that the young krogan was within its striking distance. The particle beam had no more than struck the creature's wounded eye than it retreated once again, withdrawing swiftly into the protective embrace of the ground below.

She ran over to the stairway that was nearest the krogan's location. "Grunt," she had time to yell to him before the thresher maw rose once again in exactly the same place. _"Vá,"_ she shouted in denial as she reached out her hand, she knew what was going to happen next. Grunt was only five meters away from her, the glow of her biotics surrounded the young krogan and she drew back her hand, pulling him desperately towards her just as the thresher maw lunged forward as quickly as any striking snake. Its pincers swept swiftly in from both sides, fast enough that the sound of their passing could be heard above the wind. They wrapped around the pillar and then separated with a vicious slicing motion that left two deep gashes in the thick metal as the thresher maw withdrew. If Grunt had still been there, he would have been severed in two despite his armor. Instead he was sprawled on the ground at the base of the stairs.

She raised the Collector weapon, aimed at the same eye she had every time before and fired, by now the creature's eye was badly damaged and oozing a thick clear substance mixed in with dark orange blood. The thick, rock like armor around the eye was deeply pitted and scored from all three of them firing at the same place. The thresher maw began drawing its head back, "Move Grunt! Spit!" Shepard commanded the young krogan who was just now getting to his feet. He didn't stop or hesitate, no doubt his wide field of vision allowed him to see what she was seeing, he charged forward just as the thresher maw spit at him. The deadly acid landed where the krogan had been a moment later, but Grunt was far enough away by then to not even be splashed by it.

Her face set in determined lines, Shepard aimed and started firing again; this thresher maw was going down. Whether it was the fact that its size indicated it was older or the fact that it was used to hunting krogan, it seemed slightly more intelligent than the other thresher maws she had killed. Once again, the giant worm screeched and retreated back underground to escape their concentrated fire. Shepard ceased firing with an angry snarl as it disappeared; this one was definitely smarter than the other five she had killed. None of them had ever had the sense to retreat once they were injured.

The stone surface upon which she was standing shook once, and then again. This time there was no doubt in Shepard's mind that the thresher had just slammed into the foundations of the destroyed building. The vibrations hadn't even died away before the thresher maw burst from the rubble covered ground. Now it was midway along the right side of the platform and just a few feet away from the low stone edging and pipe that marked where walls had once stood. The giant worm spat acid at Shepard as soon as it possibly could, forcing her to dodge of the way instead joining Grunt and Jack's renewed attack.

This time Shepard had moved swiftly forward and to the left to avoid the thresher maw's attack. As soon as she felt she was clear, she raised the Collector weapon to her shoulder and fired on giant worm, adding her weapon's fire to Jack and Grunt's. Then the thresher maw did something she had never seen one do before, it lunged forward over the pipe and low stone border, digging it's pincers into the large flagstone surface of the lower tier and pulled itself up onto the stone surface. Shepard's light grey eyes widened in pure shock even as she heard Jack yell at her, "What the fuck, I though you said it would stay out there!"

Shepard didn't stop firing at the ruined and weeping eye even as she answered, "We seem to have gotten one that took an extranet course in how to kill tiny, but annoying, bipeds."

She heard Grunt laugh at that even as Jack retorted, "So you're saying that besides being big it's also smart? Lucky us."

The thresher maw raised itself up, its mouth opened wide and the bluish proboscis snapped forward. Shepard dove to the side to avoid the acid globule it had just spat at her. She did an awkward one-handed side somersault and ended up crouched on the balls of her feet and knees with one hand on the ground and the other holding the Collector weapon against her chest. Again the thresher maw raised itself up. Shepard tensed; expecting another acid attack, but the thresher maw lunged forward with its pincers instead and pulled itself further onto the lower level. Now it was only a meter or so away from the edge of the upper level of the platform.

Shepard rose to her feet, raised the Collector weapon to her shoulder, aimed at the same eye and fired. What had been a bluish colored sensory organ was now a pulpy looking crater in the creature's head that oozed and bled. Shepard knew they had to be close to killing the creature; they just needed to succeed before it succeeded in killing them. She started backing up across the upper level, firing steadily at the ruin of the thresher's eye. She was keeping a mental note of where she was and devoutly hoping that she wasn't about to step in one of the many puddles of acid that she knew were splattered all over the area behind her. In addition to that hazard, she was also well aware of that fact that the corpse of the harvester was blocking the stairway behind her. She didn't think the thresher maw would come that far out of the ground though; the more of it there was above the ground the harder it would be for it to move…at least she hoped that was the case.

Again the thresher maw reared back its head and opened wide it's mouth, again the bluish proboscis shot forward and the giant worm spat its deadly, corrosive acid at her. Shepard dove forward and toward the right, she didn't want to go left and risk crossing Jack and Grunt's line of fire. Using her outstretched left hand and forearm to keep enough distance from the ground so her weapons pack cleared, Shepard rolled on top of it and then to a kneeling position. No sooner had she done that than the thresher maw reared up again, but this time without opening its mouth.

"Sh..", Shepard pushed off with all the strength in her legs from her kneeling position in a desperate lunge forward, knowing without looking that the maw's pincer was descending towards her. She ducked her head and somersault over her hands at the same time as she heard the thresher maw's pincer slam down into the shattered stone of the upper pier immediately behind her. She swore she felt some rock shards hit her armor its strike was so close. She landed on her feet, had to take a long step forward to keep from falling on her face, and then whirled around in time to see the thresher maw lift its massive body up and forward in a move that tore and bent the metal railing along the sides of the second level as it came across and then down upon it. Suddenly the giant worm was up on the platform with them and way too close to her.

Shepard stared for a second at the jagged-edged narrow claw looming above her; if she had been a tad bit slower the thresher maw would have succeeded in spearing her. Her light grey eyes narrowed, she had moved quickly enough however, and it was time to end this battle. Her gaze shifted to the shattered surface of the platform searching for the Collector weapon. She had let it fall from her hands that last move, knowing she would need both hands free to tumble correctly and not break her neck. It was easy to spot; unfortunately it was also next to the thresher maw's pincer. She was hardly going over there to get it; instead she reached out and with a motion of her hand pulled it toward her with her biotics, catching it as it flew through the air at her.

She tucked it securely against her side and held it there with one hand while focusing her mind on generating a powerful mass effect field. Then, her entire body glowing with a thick haze of bluish white energy, Shepard darted underneath the thresher maw's pincer and ran toward its head. When she got to within a few meters of the giant worm, Shepard skidded to a stop, raised her free hand and shaped the dark energy she had just generated into a darkly glowing cloud of rapidly shifting mass effect forces. She then thrust her hand forward and sent the mass of dark energy soaring toward the creature. The warp field seemed to wrap itself around the front of the thresher maw's head, creating a thin nimbus of dark bluish energy around its mouth and eyes. The thresher maw raised its head and screeching in pain, sending Shepard backing quickly away from it with a wince, her ears ringing.

She heard Grunt roar, "I am krogan!" The next thing she knew the young male came into her view from her left, charging at the thresher maw, ramming his shoulder into the fleshy tentacles around its mouth hard enough to make the creature's entire head shudder. Considering that the thresher maws head was easily three meters wide and just as tall that was no mean feat. The young krogan shoved his massive Claymore shotgun as far into the thresher maw's mouth as his arm could reach and then began firing it point blank into the vulnerable flesh. The thresher maw screeched again and flailed at krogan both with the fleshy mandibles around its mouth and with its bluish proboscis. Grunt grabbed onto the ring of muscle that encircled the thresher maws mouth to anchor himself, settled deeper into his combat stance, and kept firing, ignoring the maws efforts to dislodge him.

Seeing how ineffectual and weak the thresher maw's efforts were to get rid of him, Shepard realized that the creature was finally dying. She still wanted to yell at him for being so reckless, but she knew it was her own attack that had stirred him up. This was Grunt's Rite of Passage and so far she and Jack had been doing the majority of the killing with his assistance. If it was at all possible, and it didn't endanger his life, Shepard knew she should let him finish off the thresher maw. She didn't need the respect of Wrex's clan. Grunt however, did need it, and killing this monster would help him gain that respect.

Meanwhile Grunt had continued firing round after round into the thresher maw, literally shredding the inside of the creature's mouth with the powerful blasts from the weapon. Shepard frowned; realizing that the giant worm wasn't reacting to the damage Grunt was doing nor trying to knock him away. She took a few more steps back, staring at the body of the thresher maw. It wasn't moving, either her warp or Grunt's point blank shotgun blasts or a combination of the two had killed it. Jack stopped firing and then Grunt finally noticed that it was dead and stopped firing as well.

The young krogan backed away from the thresher maw, and looked at it in silence for a few seconds. He straightened and looked down at his Claymore, used his hand to wipe off some of the gore around its muzzle before holstering it on the weapons pack on his back. He looked at the dead thresher maw again and this time he made a satisfied sounding growl and slammed his fists together forcefully before turning towards them, "A good fight against a worthy enemy," he declared, "Today we proved that we were stronger!"

Shepard's thoughts went back to the day he had spoken of being built for strength, but not earning it. She suspected that today had gone a long way toward making him feel as if he was worthy of that strength. "That we did Grunt, that we did," she agreed firmly.

Jack walked over, "Do things usually try so hard to kill you Shepard?" the tattooed biotic asked her sardonically.

Shepard raised one eyebrow at the question, and then she snorted in wry amusement. "Actually…yes they do," she had to admit with a shake of her head and a smirk. Saren and Sovereign had certainly tried hard enough.

The tattooed biotic stared at her for a moment and then started laughing, "I guess it's a good thing you seem to be better at killing them than they are at killing you then."

Her mirth took bit of a sour dive, "I guess so," Shepard responded lightly, managing to keep her smile. As far as she knew neither Jack nor Grunt knew the true extent of Project Lazarus, most people seemed to assume she had still been alive, if very badly injured, when Cerberus found her instead of dead. She turned to Grunt, her expression growing more serious, "Sorry about misjudging the distance it could reach," she apologized, her gaze went to the dead creature behind him. Shepard shook her head, taking in the massive size of the creature with a measure of awe now that it was dead. " I didn't even realize thresher maws could get that big," she admitted. "It's at least thirty meters longer than any I've seen before."

Grunt turned to look back at the thresher maw. "We lived and it did not," was all that he said in reply when he turned back around.

Shepard stared at him for a moment and then nodded; she remembered that Wrex had never been overly interested in analyzing a battle afterward either. The most he had ever said was "We survived, do better next time." Letting the matter drop, she asked, "So, do you feel like your worthy of joining Clan Urdnot?"

"You'd better fucking feel like it or the next thing that shows up I'm tossing you at it," Jack informed him. The tattooed woman was trying for irritated, but it was fairly clear she was feeling a bit of a rush at having survived two very close and difficult battles. A small smile curved her lips, and there was a gleam in her dark eyes.

Grunt stared at the tattooed woman for a second, and then his lips curled in amusement, "Ha! You can try!" Before things could escalate between them, a shuttle appeared out of the haze. It passed over them and landed to the left of their location, past the massive corpse of the harvester. "We have company," Grunt said staring after it. "Good. I want more."

Due to the body of the harvester blocking the stairway, the three of them had to jump down off the upper platform to make their way over to where the shuttle had landed. Gatatog Uvenk and some of his clan members were waiting for them.

The green-crested krogan stared at them from where he stood on top of a low wall. "You live," he finally spoke, "and you brought down both the harvester and thresher maw. Our history tells that some of our greatest warriors killed both during their Rites of Passage, but no one in living memory has achieved the same," Shepard was pleased to detect a hint of respectful wariness in his tone. "No one has killed a thresher maw in generations; the last one to do so was Urdnot Wrex."

Grunt replied, "My krantt gave me strength beyond my genes. Which are damn good."

The krogan's gaze moved from the young krogan in front of him to the two humans standing beside him. Shepard met it unflinchingly; so far nothing about this krogan that impressed her. Uvenk's gaze returned to Grunt, he jumped down from the wall. "Hmm, this will cause discussion. I wonder… you say you are pure? No alien meddling in your construction? Just the warlord Okeer?"

"Now that you've seen for yourself how powerful Grunt is your ready to rethink your position?" Shepard couldn't help but shake her head a little, this krogan and Udina would get along well. "You're sounding a lot like a politician, what are you after Gatatog Uvenk?"

Uvenk gave her a hard stare, but he did answer, "Grunt will command much respect now. His strength may be artificial, but it is a tolerable loophole."

Grunt shook his head, "A what?"

"A reason to accept you," Uvenk responded, "You are a mistake, but your potential could tip the current balance of the clans."

"You spit on my father's name!" Grunt responded angrily. "On Shepard's name!" he glanced momentarily over at her. "But now you stop ranting because I am strong?"

His anger didn't even seem to register with Gatatog Uvenk, "With restrictions," the green-crested krogan continued blithely, "You could not breed of course, or serve on an alien ship, but you'd be clan in name." Shepard could only stare at the krogan in offended disbelief, what arrogance and gall Uvenk had to insult Grunt with such an offer when the young krogan had just won the right to be a full member of Wrex's clan.

"You just want to use him, you're not offering him shit," Jack took a step toward the green-crested krogan and snarled, her hands in tight fists.

Shepard could only agree with the other woman, "Clan in name only," she repeated Uvenk's insulting words frostily. "Why should Grunt accept your honorless, empty offer when he's already proven himself worthy of joining Clan Urdnot?"

Uvenk glared at her and then turned back to Grunt and said with a sneer, "You claim to be krogan, but let these humans speak for you?"

"My krantt speaks the truth," Grunt growled back, "your offer is an insult." With that, Grunt lowered his head and charged the older krogan, knocking Uvenk to the ground.

Shepard had been keeping an eye on the clansmen Uvenk had brought along with him during the conversation. As soon as Grunt charged their clan leader, they raised and readied their weapons. Several meters back, next to their shuttle, one of them brought what looked like a grenade launcher up to his shoulder and fired. Shepard reacted...somewhat instinctively. Reaching out with her biotics, lifting an object, and then propelling that object on an intercept course with the grenade was instinctive. Making the choice for that object to be the Gatatog Uvenk, who had been struggling to his feet, was not so instinctive, as was indicated by the smirk on her lips as she sent the bellowing krogan on his way with a motion of her hand and will.

She didn't wait to see if she had judged things correctly, because there were three other krogan firing at them by then. Instead she joined Grunt in darting back to the low wall behind them, vaulting over it and then ducking down behind it. The sound of an explosion and a roar of pain and anger behind her as she was jumping over the low wall answered the question of whether or not Uvenk had intercepted the grenade. Shepard doubted that the krogan had been seriously injured by it, but the explosion had probably damaged his armor.

She reached over her shoulder to retrieve her rifle; she would have thought Uvenk would be smart enough to just let them be after their performance in Grunt's Rite, but apparently he was not. Shepard straightened just long enough to take a quick glance over the wall and then ducked back into cover. It took her only a moment to recall what she had seen and pick a target; she rose again and started firing as soon as her rifle cleared the wall. This was one aspect of her drell-like memories that Shepard definitely appreciated - perfect short term recall. It was proving rather handy to have during moments like these. In a foolhardy move, the krogan she was firing at attempted to rush her position. He made it half-way across the open space between them before his shields were gone and her rounds penetrated through his armor, killing him. Seconds later the krogan Grunt and Jack had been firing at died as well. Now there was just Uvenk and two more of his clan members.

Shepard grinned as she spotted Uvenk about twenty meters away standing behind a pillar, there was large dent in the chest piece of the krogan's heavy armor and it generally looked a lot less shiny than it had earlier. As she had thought, the grenade hadn't really hurt him, but it had certainly done a number on his armor. Her gaze went from Uvenk's position to his two remaining warriors who were well forward of him. Her amused grin changed to a sneer of disdain; it appeared as if he was quite content to let his clan members fight for him while he hid in the back.

One of the two remaining warriors moved forward from his position by their shuttle to get a better firing angle on them. Jack stood up, dark energy swirling around her body and with a yell unleashed a powerful shockwave that sent the krogan several feet into the air and backwards to slam into a wall. The ex-convict took the opportunity to move forward to the next low wall, closing the distance between herself and the three remaining krogan.

Shepard cursed quietly to herself for a moment and then accepted it; she had known that maintaining control would be an issue with these two. She just needed to keep Grunt from following Jack, "Maintain this position," she took a moment to say to him, "watch for flanking attempts." It was what she would do if she were going up against a biotic, force them to divide their attention between attackers and take them down. Moments later when the one krogan managed to shake off both the shockwave and his impact with the wall that's exactly what the two krogan did, proving that they did have at least some tactical sense.

"You take left, I'll take the right," she directed Grunt, shifting her aim to the right most krogan that was rushing forward towards the wall Jack was crouched behind. She started firing in steady bursts at the krogan who was headed for Jack, counting on Grunt to keep the other krogan busy and pinned down with his shots. Movement caught her eye, Gatatog Uvenk had finally decided to move forward and take advantage of the developing situation. For now Shepard ignored him, at this moment it was more important to stop the krogan who was almost within charging distance of Jack than it was to worry about Uvenk. The krogan they were firing at obviously had much better armor than the one Shepard had first killed because he was still alive and still coming directly at the tattooed biotic. He even managed to make it around the end of the wall Jack was hiding behind before their combined fire finally tore through his thick armor and took him down.

Shepard turned her attention to the two remaining krogan coming up on their left. While Jack and she had been busy with the one on the right, Uvenk had joined his one remaining clan member and together they were keeping Grunt pinned down. "Jack on your left," Shepard called out the warning, a little bit more and they would have a clear shot at the tattooed biotic. The other woman spun around, and seeing her danger, started moving backward toward the end of the wall.

Shepard shifted her attention back toward the two krogan, focusing in on Uvenk; she aimed her rifle at him. That was when she noticed a bluish white haze forming around the Gatatog clan leader...he was a biotic. As the krogan raised his hand and the dark energy began to take on a distinctive shape and appearance, Shepard's eyes narrowed in recognition. She stood up and thrust out her hand sending a strong biotic wave his direction. Uvenk had just pushed his hand forward, sending his warp field towards Jack, when her mass effect wave intersected with it. The resulting biotic explosion knocked Uvenk back and to the ground.

That was all Shepard had time to notice because the other Gatatog krogan was now firing at her and her shields were about to drop. She ducked back down behind the wall to give her shields a chance to recharge. As she did, a thought crossed her mind and she felt like thwacking her own self upside the head for forgetting she could do this now. A thin blue nimbus of dark energy formed around her body as she called up a biotic barrier as another layer of defense in addition to her shields. She rose and started firing; it didn't take long at all for their combined weapons fire to take the Gatatog warrior down.

Now there was only Uvenk left, Shepard looked around, at some point after he had been knocked to the ground he had disappeared. There weren't that many places to hide, just a few stacked storage containers and pillars that had probably supported a second floor of the building at some point in the distant past.

"Where's the idiot krogan who started this?" Jack growled as she looked around for Uvenk.

Shepard shook her head, rising and jumping over the low wall she had taken cover behind for the entire fight and advancing forward carefully. She motioned silently for Jack and Grunt to spread out a little as they searched for the clan leader.

Motion by one of the pillars in front of her drew Shepard's attention. Roaring, "Die human!" Gatatog Uvenk came charging from behind it directly toward her. She knew she was blocking Grunt's line of fire and Jack couldn't see Uvenk yet from where the tattooed biotic was standing. She was facing a full adult krogan in the prime of his strength and berserker infuriated with her for destroying his plans and dooming his clan to their likely destruction.

For a fraction of a second, Shepard almost dove out of the way. Before finding Thalion's memories last night, that would have been exactly what she would have done. Today wasn't yesterday however; instead of diving out of the way in that moment her mind calmed…she was the still pond, body and mind prepared to act as needed. She stood motionless, straight and tall as she watched the krogan charging her. Thalion's instincts and his centuries of combat experience told her when she needed to act. Close...dark energy wreathed her body in a striking display of biotic power. Closer…she stepped aggressively forward in a strong, determined motion, raising her arm to meet him, dark energy surrounding it in an intense bluish white corona as she created a biotic shield and like two rams contesting their strength they slammed together. Her biotics pulsed in a single powerful wave and Uvenk went flying back through the air to slam forcefully into the wall several feet away.

Shepard stalked toward him with long, swift strides, closing the distance between them before he could recover. The green-crested krogan had time to look up and register the fact that her rifle was in his face before she rested the barrel just underneath the protective head plate and pulled the trigger. His body jerked as the rounds entered his brain and then he went still. Shepard stopped firing; she looked down at him for a moment before shaking her head at his stupidity and holstered her rifle. She turned around to face her two team members, Jack was eyeing her; the expression on the biotics face was an interesting mixture of wariness and curiosity. Shepard could guess what was going on in the woman's mind; Jack was probably wondering how she had learned how to use her new biotic abilities so well in such a short time. Samara teaching her how to use her biotics was one thing; displaying such a level of proficiency in such a short time period was another thing entirely.

As for Grunt, the young krogan was staring at her in a way that somehow reminded her of their first meeting when he was deciding whether or not to accept her offer of joining the crew under her command. He blinked and then looked down at the dead Gatatog clan leader. "Uvenk is meat," he said, "Let's signal at the keystone that we are ready to go and leave him to rot."

Honestly, Shepard could only agree with that sentiment. It had been a long, hard day; even Grunt seemed to be finally ready for a bit of rest. They started back toward where they would meet up with the Tomkah that would take them back to the Urdnot compound.

As they were walking Grunt turned around and regarded Jack steadily, "You look like you are weak, but you are not. I am glad that Shepard chose you to be the other member of my krantt today."

Jack stared back at him, her expression guarded and then a smile curved her lips, "Yea, you weren't so bad yourself krogan, it was a good fight."

Shepard kept her eyes on their goal and a smile of satisfaction off her lips, the last thing these two needed to figure out was that part of the reason she had invited Jack was in the hope that the ex-convict and young krogan would discover that they could get along with one another. She needed to form these people into a cohesive fighting unit, to do that she needed them to see they could count on one another. Jack was probably her toughest sell on that idea, but today had given her the first chink in the tattooed woman's attitude.

She noticed that Grunt was walking a little straighter, a little more confidently, or perhaps it was more there was a level of surety to his confidence that hadn't been there before, Shepard mused watching him with a small smile. The tank-grown krogan had known he was strong, but hadn't felt as though he had earned it, that had changed for him today. Before they entered the tunnel for their trip back to the Urdnot camp, she turned around to take one last look at the keystone and the bodies of the harvester and thresher maw before they left. Clansmen from Urdnot were beginning to swarm around them, cutting into them and carving out edible meat to feed their people.

After killing both the harvester and maw, and defeating Gatatog Uvenk and his clansmen Shepard too felt a little more confident and clear headed than she had last night or this morning. She remembered how conflicted she had been feeling all last week, how she had felt last night while talking to Samara. Part of her still felt a little that way, but a larger part of her didn't anymore. They were headed to the Citadel next; she would see Anderson and get the paperwork started for her resign her commission in the Alliance. It was past time for her to have done it already, she needed to be free to do what she needed to do to save the galaxy from the Reapers, and that didn't include the Alliance thinking they were either entitled or able to order her around.

It wouldn't of course be that simple, Shepard suspected she would still have moments of doubt and maybe even regret or two in the future. They wouldn't last though, because she knew this was the right decision for her. The reality was that the Alliance was part of her old life from before she had died, but now she had a new life. She wasn't going to turn her back on her past or forget what she believed in, but it was time for her to accept that things had irrecoverably changed, that she had changed and would probably continue to change. Her body, her mind, her life…they were never going to return to the way they had been before her death.

Perhaps more than just Grunt had needed a Rite of Passage to acknowledge that they had moved on from one stage of their life and entered another, Shepard mused to herself as she turned to follow Jack and Grunt down the tunnel to where the Tomkah waited.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The Mass Effect universe is the property of Bioware/Electronic Arts. No infringement of these copyrights is intended as this is a not for profit fan fiction work.
> 
> Warning: minor violence
> 
> Notes: This is an Alternate Universe story, and is inspired by the Beyonce song “Save the Hero,” from the album I am…Sasha Fierce. The portrayal of Cerberus in my story is heavily influenced by the contents of the second and third Mass Effect books, Ascension and Retribution. The Prothean language I’m using is a mixture of Quenyanna and Sindarin, languages originally created by Tolkien.
> 
> Rating: Teen
> 
> Feedback: Always welcome, feedback is what encourages me to keep writing. Please let me know what you like and what you dislike about the story.
> 
> Errors and Corrections: Yes, please let me know about any errors you see so that I can correct them. This is un-beta’ed so it probably has a few.
> 
> Revision History: 11/13/2010

**Normandy – Third Deck Portside Observation Room – in stationary orbit around Tuchanka late afternoon of the second day**

“Then he told the Shaman that I was his battlemaster,” Shepard said to Samara, still feeling a bit of the surprise and humbleness she had felt at the time. They were seated in what were becoming their usual spots for these conversations; Samara where she had been meditating when Amanda entered and the human sitting on the asari’s right. “Besides leading him in battle though, I’m not sure what my other responsibilities to him are,” Shepard admitted to the asari. “If he was a young eighteen year old human under my command, I’d have him studying ethics and morals to make up for his deficiencies in those areas, as well as studying Alliance combat techniques and running drills every day.” Shepard shook her head, her expression serious and slightly troubled, “But he’s not human, he's a krogan. I can’t treat him the same way, both by culture and biology krogan’s are competitive and aggressive. Unlike humans who evolved in an environment that rewarded cooperative social groups over lone hunters, krogans evolved in an environment that rewarded the ability to survive period, whether lone hunter or not. I can't expect Grunt to value honor, courage, mercy and compassion for the same reasons that I do. Even if I could teach him, I'm not certain it would be the best choice for him. While I don’t agree with many of the krogan ideas, I need to make sure he can function in krogan society, or I might as well not have bothered helping him complete his Rite of Passage this morning.”

Samara regarded her in contemplative silence for a moment before responding, “Yet that does not mean that he cannot learn something of honor and justice from you.” The asari looked quite serious as she continued, “Krogan’s value strength and being victorious over their enemies, you have shown that you are able to do both while remaining true to your ideals. Does not young Urdnot Grunt deserve to learn how to do so as well? To be accepted and respected by other krogan for being strong and victorious, but also among non-krogan for being an honorable warrior?” The justicar paused for a second, and then, her pale blue eyes knowing as she stared into Shepard’s own light grey ones, she added the pièce de résistance to her argument, “Is that not why you respect and honor Urdnot Wrex and name him as one of your friends?”

A thoughtful frown creased Shepard’s brow, could she do that? Could she teach Grunt to be more like Wrex and herself rather than like most of the other krogan she had met? She hadn’t known much about krogans when she had first met Wrex, only their general reputation among humans and the other races: that they were physically strong, hard to kill due to their redundant organs, and were ruthless, brutal killers who would start a fight over any trivial matter just for the opportunity to fight. Wrex had defied all of her and the crew’s pre-conceived ideas of what krogans were and how they acted during their search for Saren, and forever altered her viewpoint of the entire race.

Unfortunately, since then she had realized that Wrex was a rather unusual krogan. Nearly all the other members of his race she had met had been like what she had thought krogans were before she had met him. That had been why she hadn’t offered to serve as Patriarch’s krantt even though she had felt sorry for the old krogan, he was like most of the other krogan she had met, more than willing to take the quickest path to achieve what he wanted no matter how brutal or how many innocents got caught in the crossfire. In her mind, Wrex, even though she knew he was far from perfect and certainly had his ruthless side, now stood as an example of what the krogan could be if they looked past their own selfish interests and to the good of their race as a whole. Shouldn’t Grunt have the same opportunity to grow beyond what most of his race were now to what they could be?

“I remember Wrex commenting on the krogan statue on the Presidium,” Shepard mused aloud. “He said that the krogan had once been a proud and fierce nation, and not just brutes hired out to the highest bidder.” The thoughtful frown on her face deepened as she said, “I’ll think about it, try and come up with some way that will allow him to both survive in his own culture and operate within the greater galactic society as well.” She wasn’t sure yet how she would do that, but she would try, for Grunt’s sake as well as her own. The possibility of him turning on her someday just to see which of them was the stronger wasn’t something she enjoyed thinking about

A few seconds later, Samara commented, “You did not mention before that you were quite skilled at narrative speaking.” The asari’s words broke the silence that had fallen between them and distracted Shepard from her internal musings about Grunt.

“Oh, only a little,” Amanda demurred. She blushed, feeling unexpected embarrassed at having it pointed out by the asari. Samara had listened so intently to her description of their battle with the varren that she had slipped into storyteller mode rather than sticking to a dryer debriefing type retelling of their battles with the harvester, thresher maw and Gatatog clan. She had realized what she was doing partway through her retelling of their battle with the harvester, since Samara hadn’t seemed bothered by her more descriptive retelling she had continued on in the same manner. “Probably the Irish in me and hours of listening to my mother tell me tales of old Ireland and Europe. I don’t really have any formal training,” she explained.

“That is a nation state on Earth?” Samara questioned her after a moment during which the asari observed her embarrassment with a subtly amused expression.

“It’s currently part of the European Union,” Amanda responded, “but yes, Ireland was a sovereign nation for many centuries and still has its own distinct cultural heritage.”

The justicar’s pale blue eyes were curious and her dark plum colored lips curved into a slight smile as she asked, “The Irish are known for their storytelling abilities?”

Amanda nodded, “The ancient Irish or Gaels had a highly respected class of poets known as the filid who were entrusted with keeping a factual oral history as well as serving as priests, judges, lawgivers and passing along official news during their travels. Sometime prior to the fourth century those duties were divided out with the brehon taking on lawgiving and judging, the filid retaining their duties as keepers of history and as well as poets and philosophers, and the druids the priests. With the coming of Christianity and the rising influence of Anglo-Norman culture over Gaelic culture the old filid classes slowly died out and by the fifteenth century they essentially no longer existed except in the seanchaí, or Irish storytellers, which still exist in Ireland this day.”

“You seem to be quite informed on this subject,” Samara noted with an inquisitive tilt to her head when Amanda stopped speaking.

“My mother’s family has been heavily into the Celtic Revival movement in Ireland for almost three hundred years now. Back in the 1900's they changed their surname from the anglicized Daly back to the older Gaelic O'Dalaigh. Many of them speak at least some Irish Gaelic, and they emphasize teaching their children the traditional Irish arts like music, dancing and storytelling. My mother trained as a seanchaí in her teens and even though she went on to her degree in Agricultural Management, she kept it up as a hobby. I can remember her going into school and telling some of the old stories from England, Ireland and France.”

“Would it be accurate to say then that the Irish have a strong tradition of respecting those skilled in the oral arts, whether they are poets, historians, lawyers or priests?” the asari inquired.

Amanda nodded, “They do,” she acknowledged, and then with her eyes dancing with amusement she said, “They also known for their love of music and dancing, beer and whiskey, brawling,” she paused, smiled with only a hint of sadness, and added, “and close families.”

The justicar’s brow lifted a little at this list, “A wide and diverse range of characteristics to be noted for,” the asari observed.

Amanda inclined her head in agreement, “I suspect her love of the arts was one of the reason’s my mother didn’t try and discourage me from being a dancer. My dad wasn’t as enthusiastic about it,” that had made her unhappy and a little bit angry with him at the time. “I understand his reasons better now that I’m an adult. He wasn’t sure I could make a decent living for myself as a dancer.”

“What was your mother’s name?” Samara asked curiously.

“Fionna Marie O'Dalaigh,” Amanda replied, “born 2116 in County Donegal, Ireland. My dad was Robert Philip Shepard born in New York City in 2112. They met while he was in the Alliance Navy. Mother was in New York City visiting for a few weeks with her younger brother, Ruari, who lived there. He played the fiddle in an Irish band as a hobby. While she was visiting, her brother’s band had a gig at one of the local Irish pubs so she went with them to listen to them play. Dad was out with his friends on leave; they ended up sitting next to one another at the bar and started talking. Dad always said that between her accent, beauty and personality he fell in love with her that very night. They stayed in contact, dated as often as Dad could arrange to get back to Earth and two years later, once my father’s enlistment was up, they married.”

If she hadn’t been looking at Samara right then she wouldn’t have caught the fleeting expression of sorrow that crossed the asari’s expression. Amanda added it to the rest of her clues that the justicar had suffered some type of deep personal loss in the past. Something to do with a mate or family was Amanda’s guess, and something which pained Samara to this day despite the fact that asari were supposed to take a long view of their relationships.

“So by ethnicity, I’m half Irish, a quarter Greek and a quarter American,” Amanda commented, letting her observation go unremarked. If Samara wanted to share the asari would, otherwise it would be very unkind to go digging at what was obviously still a painful wound just for her own curiosities sake.

“I was born on Thessia, the asari home world, in the city state of Serrice as were both my parents,” Samara said, sharing a piece of her own past. “I do not think of myself as having any unique cultural heritage because of that however, while Thessia is divided into autonomous city states, there have been no distinct cultural differences between them for several millennium."

“That’s happening on Earth too, the old cultures are slowly being replaced by a more global one,” Shepard replied. “We’re losing some of our uniqueness, but gaining a more unified culture. As a result there’s less tension between the different national-political groups. At least over cultural differences between them,” Shepard amended quickly with a rueful shake of her head.

On and off throughout their conversation Amanda had noticed the asari studying her intently. Samara was doing it again now. “What is it?” she commented with an uncertain smile.

“You seem more..." Samara hesitated, studying her intently for a moment before continuing, "at peace today.” Samara’s description caught Shepard by surprise. The asari gave her an assessing look, “Perhaps even more so than I have seen you before now.”

“I…” Shepard began and then bowed her head and fell silent as she thought about what the asari had just said to her. After a few moments she raised her head and met the justicar’s serene gaze, “I am feeling less conflicted than I have been, I didn’t realize it showed so much.”

Samara inclined her head, “It is quite noticeable, especially given our discussion last night.”

Shepard’s gaze turned introspective as she sought a way to explain what had happened between last night and now. “Talking to you last night," she began slowly, her light grey eyes refocusing on the patiently listening justicar, "finding Thalion’s memories and then participating in Grunt’s Rite this morning - the fights with the varren, harvester, and thresher maw and then standing up to Uvenk - it brought some things into sharp focus for me." Her expression became contemplative. "This morning I used my biotics in ways I never dreamed of being able to before my death. Having Thalion's skills and his knowledge of when and how to use my biotics changed the entire complexion of that battle." Shepard shook her head, "I can't say it would have gone better or worse without having Thalion's memories, but it would have gone very differently."

"You told me that having access to these memories would change me. At the time..." Shepard paused, her brow knitting in a frown as she reconsidered what she had been about to say. "Actually I guess I understood as well as I could at that time,” she finally allowed, knowing that it was the truth. Some things could not really be taught or explained, they had to be experienced to be fully understood, and this seemed to be one of those things. "Now that I have these memories, it's not as if meditating on my past will mean that I won't use my biotics more now that I have access to Thalion's centuries of combat experience, or affect the fact that I now feel naked if I don't have my mental barriers up. It also won't change the fact that my aura is showing that I have centuries more life experiences than any human should, and that the effect will only become more obvious as I find more prothean memories." She paused for a few seconds, and then said quietly, "This knowledge I have now, the biotics, the mental barriers, love, loss...life. I can't ignore it or forget I know it, it's now a part of me and for good or bad affects what I think, say and do." Shepard wasn't surprised when Samara simply nodded once in acknowledgement, the asari's expression understanding. She had suspected that might be the asari’s response, though these things were a revelation to her, they were not news to the many centuries old Justicar.

Silence fell between them for a moment, and then Shepard drew in a deep breath, “I don’t know where this path that I seem to be on is taking me, but I do know that looking behind me and feeling angry and resentful over what happened in the past is not what I want to be doing any more. Last night you reminded me that I’m not turning my back on my past or forgetting what I believe in or who I am by choosing to move forward in a different way than before. I will keep up my meditations so I don’t lose the core of who I am as a person and as a human, but maybe I don’t need to fight so hard against the changes the prothean memories are causing, maybe not all of them are so different that I can’t open myself to them and fully embrace what I can learn from them.”

Samara didn’t appear quite as enthusiastic about her idea as Shepard had hoped...in fact she seemed rather troubled by it. "Last night we were speaking of you leaving the Alliance military because they seemed unable to respect your responsibilities as a Council Spectre," Samara reminded her, her expression turning stern, "not embracing your Prothean memories."

"I will make sure I don’t start thinking that I actually lived those lives," Amanda hurried to reassure her, remembering with a chill the moment she had confused Thalion’s memories as her own when thinking about how to fight the harvester. "I do understand that would put me in danger of losing myself in a very real way. It just that I don’t think I can afford to turn away any scrap of knowledge that might improve our chances of succeeding against both the Collectors and the Reapers." Samara’s plum colored lips turned downward in a slight frown, but Shepard forged on ahead, “As for what we talked about, I’m going to talk with Anderson while we’re docked at the Citadel and get the paperwork started for me to resign my commission in the Alliance military.”

“Amanda, you are charting a way within unknown waters,” the asari warned, her pale blue eyes and tone serious, “I have never heard of someone receiving memories or experiencing them as you do these memories from the Prothean Cipher. I have no clear idea of how they will affect you, and the only counsel I can offer you is to meditate daily and let sufficient time pass between seeking out another set of memories. Do not let impatience and a fear of what might happen in the future drive you into making an imprudent decision now.”

Shepard’s gaze softened as she realized that Samara was only concerned for her, “I will, I promise. I’ll take it slow and carefully, make sure I have one set settled in my mind and I’m not mistaking their memories for my own any more before we go looking for another.”

Samara’s posture stiffened and her gaze sharpened on Shepard, “That still happens?”

Amanda shook her head, “Now that I’m doing the meditations you showed me, that rarely happens and if it does it’s only for a few seconds. This morning’s instance was triggered by seeing the harvester, and it only brought up a short memory of Thalion’s. It didn’t’ affect me but for a few seconds, and I brought myself out of it,” she reassured the asari. “That’s how I knew what the harvester was and how to fight it,” she further explained.

The justicar’s eyes searched the human’s light grey ones, satisfied with what she saw there the asari nodded, “That is its purpose, to help you retain your sense of self and keep the other memories separated from your own.”

“And I mediate daily, either in the morning or in the evening,” Amanda reassured her. Silence fell between them, it seemed like a good time to wrap up the conversation, which had gone a bit differently that she had hoped, but still she thought ended on a good note. “Before I go, I wanted to let you know that the team going down tomorrow to find Mordin’s student will be you, Garrus, Mordin and I.” Amanda rose to her feet, “We’ll head out at ten hundred ship’s time.”

Samara looked faintly surprised for a moment, undoubtedly because of the slightly increased team size, and then responded, “I will be ready.”

Amanda was surprised to hear Grunt’s voice as she exited the Observation Lounge and headed toward the Main Battery controls to let Garrus know he would be going down with them tomorrow morning.

“Then Shepard used her biotics, snatching the crawler we had been shooting at and just before the harvester tried to eat her threw into the harvester’s mouth and jumped out of the way,” her jaw dropped as she entered the Mess Hall and saw the young krogan speaking to Garrus, Thane, and some of the Cerberus crewmembers including Gardner and Kelly Chambers. “The crawler exploded, shredding the harvester’s mouth even more. It screeched in pain, spewing the crawlers remains everywhere. Jack and I started shooting at it with our shotguns,” he held up his hands miming shooting.

Shepard ducked back into the hallway before anyone could see her, and then peered around the corner, an amused smile on her face as she listened to him retell the battle.

“The harvester tried to snap at Jack twice but she just kept backing away from it, never stopping firing her shotgun. Then Shepard and Jack used their biotics on it. The harvester screamed when they did, it’s head rose high in the sky and then it fell,” Grunt slammed his hand on the table for emphasis, causing some of the Cerberus crewmembers to jump, “dead in front of us.”

Shepard lifted a hand to her mouth, stifling her chuckle behind it. Unfortunately her movement drew the drell’s attention; Thane looked over at her, and then Garrus, noticing that Thane was looking at something, turned to look as well. That was all it took to attract enough people’s attention that Shepard came forward rather than making it seem even more as if she had been doing exactly what she had been doing, hiding and listening to them.

“Afternoon,” she greeted everyone as she came up to the group. She ignored the somewhat wide-eyed and somewhat awed looks from the Cerberus crewmembers. It had been a few years, but she had sort of gotten used to that type of reaction following the attack on Elysium. With any luck, if she acted as if everything were normal it would fade away after a few days.

Grunt turned and looked at her, “Shepard,” he said, “I was telling them about our battles this morning.”

"So I heard when I came in," she acknowledged with a slight smile. "It was quite a battle and you fought very well. Proving yourself a worthy addition to Clan Urdnot," she attempted to turn the focus of the conversation back to Grunt, after all this was his day.

"He couldn't have done it without you and the tattooed girl, Jack," Gardner pointed out.

"No young krogan goes through the Rite of Passage alone," Shepard responded evenly, "But today wasn't for Jack and me."

Thane’s dark eyes met hers for a moment; he blinked once and then turned back to the young krogan. “Shepard is correct, I saw your abilities when you fought against the Eclipse, but today you proved yourself before all krogan.” Grunt straightened and the same seriousness and pride she had seen on his face when Wrex had officially welcomed him into Urdnot showed in his expression at the drell's comment.

Kelly glanced between Shepard, Grunt and Thane and then chimed in, “That’s right, today was a Rite of Passage for you Grunt, marking that you are now an adult and a full member of the Urdnot clan. If I’m correct, I believe you can now own property, join the army, and serve with a battlemaster.” Shepard eyed the redheaded woman, surprised her yeoman knew that information.

"I already serve under a battlemaster," Grunt declared, "Shepard."

All eyes turned Shepard's way again, "I think this may be the first time a krogan had a battlemaster that wasn't another krogan," Garrus commented.

"I don't care about that," Grunt waved the comment away. "The Urdnot Shaman accepted Shepard as my battlemaster, and Clanleader Urdnot Wrex followed her into battle against Saren."

"Grunt, you're starting to remind me of Wrex," Garrus commented in amusement when the krogan didn't say anything more, "Short and to the point."

Shepard smiled, "Wrex always could get his point across with a minimum amount of words.” She focused her attention on the turian, “If you have a moment, I need to talk with you.” She motioned toward the main weapons controls where he could frequently be found. She planned on telling him about finding Thalion’s memories and didn’t want their conversation to be overheard.

 

**Normandy - Captain’s Cabin - in stationary orbit around Tuchanka very early morning of the third day**

**Dreams**

It was spring on Aeglir, one of the newer Edhel colony worlds, just outside the old Empire borders. With its rugged, mountainous landscape, Aeglir was a very beautiful world. Several great mountain ranges crossed its surface, their snow capped peaks rising toward its sapphire blue sky. On this late spring afternoon, the air was crisp and clean, but not cool, and the sun shone down upon the brilliant white snow capped peaks surrounding the small capitol city of Dalath.

Thalion had been wandering the streets of the small city, enjoying the sights and the truly magnificent views of the surrounding mountains. He had just been admitted into the ranks of the Dragaran a week before and two days ago he had received orders placing him with the 75th Reconnaissance Squadron of the 7th Defense Fleet patrolling the Empire’s borders. A supply ship from the fleet was due in to Aeglir tomorrow; he would be on it when they left to report into his squadron. He had spent the last twenty years as a Dragasen learning the arts of battle and committing himself to following the ways of Thalion and Callionel, the twin protector gods of the Empire. Before that he had served for ten years as a Defense Forces Marine, thus this assignment was a return to familiar duties and familiar places for him. It was during his time as Marine when he first realized that the greatest threat to the Empire wasn’t the few alien races which didn’t share his people’s beliefs in honor and honorable behavior, but his fellow Edhel who did not share them and treated them as mere impediments on their way to more power and wealth.

The smell of freshly baking massa caught Thalion’s attention, reminding him that it had been several hours since he had eaten breakfast. He looked around, searching for the source of the appetizing odor and spotted a besoneth cafe, or bakery cafe, across the way. A thick slice of toasted massa with ferna nut spread and a tankard of míruvórë, a fermented beverage made from honey and spices, to drink with it would be nice he decided, his steps turning toward the store as he crossed over to it.

Sweet, fragrant odors filled his nose as soon as he opened the door, increasing his appetite. The female standing beside the display counter seemed very familiar to him, his eyes narrowed as he stared at her trying to place her and then widened in recognition. Indilwen…the sight of her stirred bittersweet memories and emotions, it had been almost fifteen years since he had last seen or spoken to her.

“Mother,” the young girl standing next to Indilwen said, looking up at her, “I want that one.” The child pointed at one of the sweet rolls in the case, she looked to be no more than ten years old. Indilwen turned and he caught sight of the infant in her arms just before their eyes met.

They stared at one another silently for a long moment and then her eyes went to the handle of his anar hathol hanging by his side. “Dragaran Elendel,” Indilwen greeted him formally, a faint bitter undertone coloring her words. A few more uncomfortable silent seconds passed by with Thalion at a complete loss for words before she commented, “I see you are well on your way to gaining your soul’s true desire.”

He shifted uneasily; she had said those words among others just before she stormed out of his apartment in heartbreak and anger. “Brennil…” his voice trailed off as he realized that he had no idea who she had married.

She raised her head proudly, “Ealoval,” she supplied her mate’s family name. Of course, thought Thalion as soon as he heard the name. Mandaer Ealoval had always had his eye on Indilwen when they were together, little surprise that the other male had stepped in when Indilwen and he had parted ways.

“Brennil Ealoval. You have two beautiful children,” he responded, glancing down at the young child in her arms. A boy he thought judging from the infants clothing and features. When he looked back up he was surprised to see a hint of pain and anger in her dark eyes. Thalion bit back on the apology that sprang to his lips, he had made enough of them years ago when they parted. They had done little good then, he had no doubt they would do less good now that over a decade had passed since they had last spoken to one another.

He had certainly never set out to hurt her, never anticipated that events would turn out the way they had when they first met and been instantly attracted to one another. It had been his primary instructor, Dragahír Sellion Kevabrin, who had taken him aside and informed him that he could either put off starting a family for several hundred years, get a posting on the Empire's borders so that he could maybe get enough personal combat experience to prove himself worthy of the rank of Dragahír, or that he could have a family, make Dragaran, find a position in a local police department so that he could stay with his mate and family, and likely never rise above that rank. Until then he hadn’t even really realized that Indilwen had begun thinking of a union with him or of starting a family. He had taken almost a month to struggle with the decision, he had felt strongly for her, but he also had felt strongly about becoming a Dragahír.

“This is my daughter Saerthea and my son Ainion," Indilwen introduced her children, pulling his thoughts back to the present.

He looked down at the young girl who was leaning against her mother and looking up so shyly at him. For a moment he felt an odd ache in his chest, these could have been his children. Then the side of his hand brushed the handle of his anar hathol, the tangible symbol of his new rank. He had made his choice, and he knew it was the right one for him. Giving up his long held and cherished dream for her dream of having a family would not have been a good foundation for them to have joined their lives together upon. He knew himself well enough to know that he would have always yearned after it and wondered if he could have achieved it if he had made a different choice no matter his feelings for her.

"Greetings Elleth Saerthea Ealoval," he greeted the young child formally, causing her to both hang back further behind her mother and smile at him.

"Saerthea," Indilwen chided her daughter gently, "you know what to say to Dragaran Elendel."

The child peered up at him and then almost inaudibly returned his greeting in a whisper, hesitating a little on his title. Thalion smiled at the child’s effort, and then more warily returned his gaze to her mother. The clerk shifting a bit impatiently behind the counter was both a reminder that they had an audience and a welcome distraction. Indilwen turned her attention to the male and placed her order.

As the clerk was preparing her items, she turned back to him and asked in a neutral tone, "When did you make Dragaran?"

"A week ago,” Thalion responded. She looked surprised at his answer. It reminded him that she had never made the effort to really understand, beyond the basics that everyone knew, what the Order of Varnor stood for or why those who made Dragaran and above were respected as some of the finest and best trained warriors of the Empire. He suspected part of that had been due to her not wanting to consider the possibility that the Order would turn out to be more important to him than her and her dreams of their future together, so she had avoided the subject altogether.

“Where do you go now?” Indilwen asked, her voice quieter.

“To the Empires borders, there have been reports of piracy and…” he paused as he briefly glanced down at her young daughter and lowered his voice, “slavery.”

Her eyes showed her shock at this and her dolthond reflexively tightened protectively close to her neck, “But I thought…those were only rumors.”

“Unfortunately not,” he replied. “It is not often spoken of on the worlds closer to the Empire’s core, but it is a perpetual problem on our borders.”

The young clerk placing a tray with the food and drink Indilwen had ordered on the counter, halted their conversation. Knowing that she had her hands full with her children, Thalion graciously offered to deliver the tray to a table. After placing and receiving his own order, he was surprised when she motioned for him to join them.

For the first few seconds after he sat down there was an uncomfortable silence. The young girl, Saerthea, stared at him in unwavering curiosity as she ate her sweet roll. "Do you know where Maerilla Nalleme is these days," Indilwen broke the silence by asking about one of their former mutual friends.

Thalion was grateful for it, "She made Dragaran and secured an assignment to the Office of Justice four years ago," he replied and the conversation flowed from there. They stuck with inconsequential topics and caught each other up on where people they had both known were doing now. They talked for a little longer than it took for everyone to finish their food and then Indilwen glanced at the time. She looked back up an apologetic expression on her face, "We must be going; we needed to meet up with Mandaer." She stared at him for a moment longer, her dark eyes carrying a hint of wistfulness, “It was pleasant speaking to you again Thalion.” Despite the regretful emotion in her eyes her tone conveyed something else, a note of finality and acceptance.

"It was good to speak with you as well," Thalion said sincerely as he stood, “I wish you love and good fortune in your marriage, may it be blessed by both Barathon and Beriana.”

She nodded, “Take care and may Thalion and Callionel guide your way and watch over you. Honor to you Dragaran.”

He watched her leave the cafe; her hand in her daughter’s keeping the young girl close while holding her young son against her shoulder.

******

Amanda woke slowly, stretching and pulling the covers from around her shoulders with the motion. The dream was still vivid within her mind. She looked over at the time; it was only 0546, still early in the morning. Bright blue sapphire sky and mountains everywhere, offhand she knew of no planet that matched Thalion’s memories of Aeglir. It could even be behind one of the inactive relays. As for Indilwen, as far as Amanda knew they had never spoken again, and Thalion had gone on to marry Adaneassa several centuries later. Thalion had two daughters with Adanessa, first Thenidiel and then fifteen years later Alassiel.

She sat up in bed and swung her legs over the side so that she was sitting on the edge, something about the dream was nagging at her. Thalion had chosen his long held dream of becoming a Dragahír over becoming Indilwen’s mate and having a family with her. That decision had lead to a rather explosive breakup between them, at least by prothean standards. Then they had met again almost fifteen years later, and everything between them had been different. Indilwen had a mate and two children; Thalion had made Dragaran and was on his way to fight on the Empire’s borders. They were in many ways two different people from the young male and female just beginning their lives who had met and almost fallen in love. Given that Thalion’s memories of those months after she had stormed out were filled with how lonely his life had been without her and that he had almost gone after her several times to apologize and tell her he had made a mistake, they probably would have fallen in love if they had stayed together. He hadn’t however, and when they had met again fifteen years later, time, differing experiences, and separate interests had divided them. That had been what Indilwen’s tone had conveyed, her acceptance of the fact their time had passed and even her hurt and anger needed to be let go.

Amanda sighed; she rose from the bed and headed up the stairs to her desk, now she knew why the dream had caught her attention. Pulling out the drawer where she had put Liara’s picture, she pulled it out and turned it over and stared down at the image of the young asari maiden. Her thoughts and emotions as she looked down at it were conflicted, a mixture of regret, heartache, and more than a touch of anger.

The Liara she knew…or rather had known, would have been sensitive and caring enough to sense how stressed and embattled she was feeling and would have at least asked if there was something the asari could do to help. Instead she had gotten one brief hug and kiss and then rejection. When she had tried to figure out what was happening in Liara’s life, she had gotten requests to go hack terminals. The asari hadn’t wanted to tell her it was over between them. Part of her understood that, and the rest of her truly thought that she shouldn’t have had to force the issue, not after what had passed between them and the closeness of their lovemaking. Liara knew, or should have known, how much she valued honesty and openness in a relationship, yet the asari would have let her leave Illium without knowing whether she was still in a relationship or not.

The past two years had definitely changed the asari, in many ways Amanda felt as if the woman she had met on Illium was a stranger to her. She understood that seeing her walk into Liara’s office when the young asari had known without a doubt that she had been dead when she was handed over to Cerberus had to have been more than a little strange and jarring. Though she hoped that Liara hadn’t, perhaps the asari had seen how damaged her frozen body had been: the broken and pulverized bones from impacting upon Alchera’s surface, the burns from the ship exploding and reentry, and the state of her face and eyes. Amanda didn’t know exactly what she had looked like, but she couldn’t imagine that it would have been pleasant to see.

She devoutly hoped Liara hadn’t looked, but she couldn’t get it out of her mind that perhaps knowing how much of her had been replaced, that her body had been actually dead…a corpse, was too much for the asari to forget or accept. Perhaps that had played a silent, unstated part in Liara’s rejection of her; Amanda didn’t know and suspected she might never know. She did know that there were subtle differences between her body now and her body before that she could physically feel. Most of those differences were due to the fact that biosynthetic muscle was firmer than normal muscle. That meant that the flesh underneath the skin of her face felt slightly firmer than it had before. As for the biosynthetic muscle elsewhere, Amanda hoped that as she worked out the differences would disappear as her own muscles firmed up to match. Besides the biosynthetic muscle, the most noticeable difference was in the appearance of her spine. No longer could you faintly see and feel the individual bones that compromised the spinal column, the protective plates over them meant that her spine was one smooth column running up the middle of her back.

Everything considered, Amanda knew couldn’t blame the asari for losing hope as the months passed that they would be able to bring her back to life. She would have never want Liara to endlessly mourn her death, she would want the young asari to get over her and move on, eventually find someone else who made her happy. Only she wasn’t dead, at least not anymore, and there was still something between them, those last minutes they had spoken together in Liara’s office proved that beyond any doubt. Amanda bowed her head, except that Liara didn’t want to stir those embers to life, didn’t want to take the risk that she could be hurt again if she fell to the Collectors or Reapers.

Slowly Amanda’s head rose, decisions made in moments of extreme emotions could later be regretted and rethought once those emotions settled. Maybe Liara would change her mind… a spark of hope lit within for a moment and then faltered as Amanda remembered the dream. Even if the asari decided what they had was worth rekindling, would they each be at a place within their lives where they could rebuild their relationship? Or would they have moved so far apart from one another that they would stare at each other as Indilwen and Thalion had in the dream and know that the time for it had passed?

Amanda knew she was changing, even the way she viewed her and Liara’s relationship had shifted since that night she had cried in the shower just over a week ago. That was due in no small part to the fact that she had found three sets of prothean memories during that interval, giving her access to several centuries worth of their life experiences from which to view and reinterpret what had happened. Liara seemed young, angry and lost to her, passing by and pushing away the person whom she had loved and risked her life for in order to pursue her vengeance against the Shadow Broker. They could have been together, sharing their fears and strengthening each other, secure in the knowledge that there was at least one person who they could trust and depend upon.

Right now she could feel the way Suiadan had felt when his wife, Erulassë, had held him so tightly the day his student had died, almost wrapping her body around his. She could feel the way Eriathwen had felt when her husband, Idhrenion, had been there when she awoke in the hospital and had quietly but ardently thanked all the gods for her survival as he carefully held her. Or she could feel the way love felt during the quieter times, such as how Thalion had felt after entering his home that night and his wife, Adaneassa, had turned from what she was doing to smile at him.

Amanda could reach out to those memories, feel what they felt for their wives and husbands and know how very close it was to what she had felt for Liara. That was the emotion that the asari valued less than the life she led now, that was the emotion the asari wasn’t willing to risk the pain of loss for because she might die again. She might die crossing the street; Eriathwen certainly hadn’t expected to almost die on the way to the grocery store. The vehicle that had hit her sped out from between two buildings and crashed into her own before she could react, sending both vehicles plummeting down to the ground far below. The driver of the other vehicle hadn’t survived, and Eriathwen had gotten very lucky, even if she had lost her hand. Lindariel’s husband, Calanon, hadn’t expected to die that day he went to work to check how the construction of the skyscraper his company was building was going and the mixture of an inexperienced crane operator and a sudden storm had resulted in him sliding off a level of the building and falling to his death. If Liara was seeking a guarantee that her next lover would live until old age took them then she was the one sadly mistaken in how the universe worked.

Amanda was all too aware of how suddenly life could end. She knew it from her own perspective of being the one who died, from her own and Eriathwen’s perspective of having narrowly escaped it, and from Lindariel’s perspective of being the one left behind and alone. Even during the heartrending times of love, such as those times when Lindariel would think of her husband, Calanon, and the times they had shared together and miss him so intensely that it brought tears to her eyes, Lindariel had never thought to herself that she wished she had never met him or fallen in love with him.

Realizing what she was doing, Amanda shook her head, this was getting her nowhere. With a frustrated sigh she dropped the picture frame back onto the desk and sat down in the chair. Her anger was only partially at Liara, most of it was at the situation she could sense developing. Even if Liara changed her mind once she got used to the idea that Amanda was back and if they managed to defeat the Collectors and live, there was still the fact that she was changing. She had said it to Samara earlier this evening, there was before her death and then there was after and she was making the choice to move forward and embrace the changes that would made her stronger while remaining true to herself.

That choice however, might mean that she and Liara were like two tall ships of old sailing away from one another with a heavy fog drifting in, if one of them didn’t turn around very soon and search out the other then they would never find each other in the future. Liara in many ways seemed just as young to her now as when they had first met with the asari hanging in the barrier curtain. She knew that much of the reason for that were the prothean memories and the knowledge and life experiences she had gained from them. They had found four of the ten or more significant prothean memories that the Cipher contained, if Liara seemed young to her now what would she think of the asari maiden once they found those six or more that Shiala thought existed?

She picked up the picture once again and stared at the young asari displayed there, “May the Goddess watch over you Liara,” Amanda whispered, feeling the full weight of the possible consequences of her choice to move forward settle upon her shoulders. She would leave the Alliance because of it, and now she realized that she might also be leaving behind any future chance of being with Liara if the asari changed her mind.

 

**Tuchanka – late morning of the third day**

They had fought through the ruins surrounding the hospital which was their target from where the Urdnot scout had dropped them off as close to Weyloc territory as he thought possible without the tomkah they were riding in being targeted by the enemy clan’s artillery fire. Upon entering the hospital, they had come upon the corpse of a human male. Bruising around the body’s wrists and ankles showed that he had been restrained, and a scan of the body showed marks from repeated injections as well as sores and tumors. Mordin’s conclusion, the Weyloc clan was using humans as test subjects in their efforts to cure the genophage. The position of the tumors suggested their attempts were targeting the adrenal and pineal glands and aimed at modifying their hormone output to overcome the effects of the genophage.

Shepard had stared down at the dead body, her eyes grim. Once again human’s greater genetic diversity had made them a target, except this time it was the krogan and instead of the Collectors. Incidents like this were what Cerberus used to whip up anti-alien sentiment among humans and make their preaching that humanity had to be stronger than every other race to protect themselves seem reasonable.

They had proceeded further into the hospital, only to find their way blocked by the Weyloc Clanspeaker, several krogan warriors and a small pack of vorcha. The Clanspeaker had been waiting for them and what the krogan had said to them had been chilling as well as confirmed Shepard’s suspicions that there was a deep, deep well of anger in the krogan against the rest of the galaxy for the unleashing of the genophage upon them. Weyloc’s Blood Pack were planning on wiping out Clan Urdnot and then conquering the rest of the krogan before extracting their vengeance upon all the other races who had been involved in the releasing of the genophage.

Shepard had tried to point out that they would only succeed in uniting the rest of the galaxy against them, but the Clanspeaker wasn’t interested in listening. He was only interested in ranting about the Weyloc’s future glory, ignoring the fact that as soon as the rest of the galaxy found out the genophage had been cured steps would be taken to stop the krogan from starting another war.

“When we cure the genophage Weyloc Guld will rule all krogan! The Krogan Rebellions will become the Krogan Empire! The surviving races will frighten their children with tales of what the Blood Pack did to the turians! The asari will scream as their Citadel plunges into the sun! We will keep the salarian as slaves and eat their eggs as a delicacy!”

The Clanspeaker had declared and then ordered the warriors and vorcha with him to attack them. The Weyloc krogan had been well armored, even with her newly gotten mastery of her biotics it had been a difficult battle. When the last krogan fell, Shepard suspected that Weyloc Guld had just thrown most of his available troops at them. A suspicion that was borne out by the lighter resistance they faced as they drove their way deeper into the hospital seeking out where the Weyloc clan was holding Mordin’s former student, Maelon.

They were making their way along a wide corridor when Mordin paused and sniffed, causing the entire team to halt as well. "Can smell a hint of antiseptic as well as dead flesh in the air, suspect we are nearing the location of the laboratories," the salarian professor explained. Shepard was impressed; she could barely catch a whiff of antiseptic in the air.

“I hope we have a chance to avenge this,” Samara said, as the justicar came up beside her. The cool anger in the asari’s tone comment surprised Shepard, she hadn’t realized that Samara had been as disturbed by what they had seen and heard so far.

Another few turns and Mordin was proven correct as they entered what appeared to be an area that was being used as a morgue. Rubble and broken equipment was piled in the corners and the walls were pocket marked with bullet holes. Hardly the most sterile of environments, thought Shepard to herself as she looked around. There were two large open rooms, one on the right side of the hallway they were standing in and one on the left. The one on the right contained a few tables with shrouded bodies; the area on the left was empty except for a data terminal.

“Active console, may contain useful data. One moment,” Mordin said as he headed over toward the terminal and started typing commands into its interface. Shepard followed him, motioning for Garrus and Samara to stay in the hallway and watch door at the far end. As data began to scroll across the screen in front of him, Mordin commented, “Genetic sequences. Hormone mutagens still steady. Protein chains, live tissue, cloned tissue. Very thorough.” The salarian turned to look at her and explained, “Standard treatment vectors. Avoiding scorched-earth immuno-suppressants to alter hormone levels. Good, hate to see that.”

Shepard’s eyebrows rose and she couldn’t help but point out, “Most people wouldn’t be so casual about developing a sterility plague, Mordin.”

“Not developing, modifying,” he was quick to rebut. “Much more difficult working within confines of existing genophage. A hundred times the complexity. Errors unacceptable. Could cause total sterility, malignant tumors. Could even reduce effectiveness, worse than doing nothing. Had to keep population stable. One in one thousand. Perfect target, optimal growth.” He paused for a second and then added helpfully, “Like gardening.”

She just stared at her salarian crew member for a moment, her mind questioning whether or not he had actually made that comparison, and then shook her head, grateful that she had decided against bringing Grunt along with them. She couldn’t imagine his reaction to Mordin’s comment, except that it would likely be negative, and the last thing she needed was another two team members who had issues with one another like Jack and Miranda. She commented, “I’d suggest you not repeat that in front of any krogan. I doubt they would see the issue the same way.”

He stared at her for a moment and then a small grin appeared, “Point taken Shepard, doubtless you are correct.”

She didn’t smile back as she hadn’t meant her comment to be humorous and found nothing about the current situation with the krogan amusing, but she let it go. Instead she leaned against the console and asked, “So you were trying just as hard to make sure the krogan population doesn’t fall?”

Mordin nodded, “Yes, could have eradicated krogan. Not difficult. Increased mutation to degrade genetic structure further. Chose not to. Rachni extinction tragic. Didn’t want to repeat. All life precious. Universe demands diversity.”

She gave him an inscrutable gaze, the rachni weren’t extinct, but she wasn’t going to mention that to him. At least not without a good reason, and she didn’t have one yet for bringing him into their little conspiracy against Cerberus. She briefly glanced over at Samara and Garrus who were standing out in the hallway keeping watch, while they searched for information. “If there’s nothing here that indicates where they’re holding Maleon then we should move on.”

He turned away from the terminal, “No, nothing here to give indication as to his location.”

As they stepped out into the hallway one of the shroud covered bodies on the metal morgue tables caught her attention, it was larger than the rest but small for a krogan. She frowned, motioned toward it, “Mordin, could you check that out? That’s a rather big body for a human.”

The salarian doctor nodded, “Might be krogan female,” he commented as they walked over toward it. As they got closer, Shepard noticed a data pad lying beside the body. Mordin picked it up and began reading the information on it, after a moment he laid it back down and then scanned the body with his omni-tool. “Krogan female, tumors indicate experimentation. No restraint marks, volunteer.” Volunteer? Shepard frowned, why would someone let this be done to them? Mordin sighed, drawing her attention back to him, “Sterile Weyloc female willing to risk procedures. Hoped for cure. Pointless. Pointless waste of life.”

Shepard looked at him, her eyes narrowing in thought, after talking to him about the genophage a few weeks earlier she knew that he saw the bioweapon that had been used against the krogan as a regrettable necessity. Given what she had seen and heard over the past two days, she didn’t exactly disagree with him, she just wished that the genophage worked in a different manner. Something that wasn't as noticeable as the near constant miscarriages that the krogan females currently experienced.

The only thing she really had a remaining issue with was that Mordin didn’t seem to appreciate the impact of the genophage on the krogans and the new issues it had created, both for the krogan and for the galaxy as a whole. Shepard indicated the body, “I have no doubt in the post-genophage krogan culture a sterile female is looked down upon as next to useless because they can't bear children. She probably considered her own life pointless, does it really surprise you that she would consider the risk of death worth the possibility that she might be able to bear a living child?” She noticed both Samara and Garrus glancing over their way, splitting their attention between the door at the far end of the hall and the conversation between her and Mordin.

The salarian doctor looked down at the body of the female krogan as well, “Goal was to stabilize population. Never wanted this," he said, his voice filled with regret. "Can see it logically…but still unnecessary. Foolish waste of life. Hate to see it.” He placed his hands on the edge of the table and leaned against it, shaking his head, “Worth more than ability to bear children.”

“She obviously didn’t think so,” Shepard pointed out, she didn’t want to be harsh, but she really felt like Mordin was refusing to acknowledge the full range of negative effects the genophage had on the krogan besides the most obvious one. “Releasing the genophage on the krogan solved the immediate issue of the Krogan Rebellions,” she said, “and it was a better option than genocide. I don’t dispute that fact,” she reassured him, sensing that he was about to argue his case again with her. “But at the same time it introduced so many other problems and issues…the nihilism I see everywhere I look, the virulent hatred towards all the Citadel races that you heard from the Clanspeaker, and this,” she indicated the body, “the reducing of the krogan female’s worth to little more than their ability to produce children. As it now stands, we’ve got a tiger by the tail and now we don’t dare let it go.”

Mordin just stared at her, “Not familiar with that Earth animal,” he admitted after a moment.

“It’s a large Earth feline, weights around 300 kg, about 3.3 meters long and has 10 cm long incisors and 5 cm long retractable claws,” Shepard gave him a brief description of the animal. “The saying means that you don’t dare let go of the tiger's tail because the other ends all pissed off fangs and claws.”

The salarian looked taken aback for a few seconds and then nodded with an inhaled breath, “Meaning now clear.” After a few seconds he reluctantly acknowledged, “Accurate description of current situation.”

“I know that salarian dalresses’ regularly lay clutches very similar in size to a krogan female’s clutch that they chose to let go unfertilized in order to keep your race’s population under control. I’ve never heard anything about the idea of those unhatched eggs being particularly traumatizing to your people,” Shepard said to him, “and I suspect the original developers of the genophage assumed that the krogan would be just as unaffected. However, that certainly isn’t what happened. Whether that’s because it was forced on them or something more innate to their outlook on life I don’t know,” she looked directly into his large dark eyes, “but as it now stands their reaction to the genophage is one of the main reasons why the genophage has to be kept in place.”

They stared at one another over the body of the dead krogan female for a long silent moment before Mordin said, “Agreed. Krogan reaction to unviable eggs unexpected. Before genophage krogan never showed any attachment to hatchlings before they were able to survive escaping their birthing pool.”

“And so we arrive to the situation we are in today, one tangled thorny mess,” Shepard sighed and pushed away from the table and the body. “Did your team ever come back to Tuchanka after releasing the modified plague?”

"No. End of project, went separate ways," Mordin replied. "Watching it end, watching birth rates drop. Personal. Private. Not appropriate for team. I came back for yearly recon missions. Water, tissue samples. Ensure no mistakes. Superiors offered to carry it on. Refused.” The salarian dropped his gaze to the covered body resting on the table, “Need to see in person. Need to look. Need to see,” he said quietly. “Accept it as necessary. See small picture. Remind myself why I run a clinic on Omega.” He looked all of his age in that moment as he stared sadly down at the body of the krogan female. He held up his hand over it, “Rest, young mother. Find your gods. Find someplace better.”

“Religion, Mordin?” Shepard questioned noncommittally. With that one statement, that he had come back to monitor his own work and make sure the modified genophage was acting exactly as expected, he had garnered a measure of respect from her.

"Genophage modification altered millions of lives. Then saw results. Ego, humility, juxtaposition. Frailty of life. Size of universe. Explored religions after work completed. Different races. No answers. Many questions,” he explained.

“It was just an interesting scientific problem to be solved until you saw the results of your work on the krogan themselves?” She put together different things he had said to her before and their discussion now.

"Modified genophage project great in scope,” Mordin held his slender arms wide as he proclaimed this, “Scientifically brilliant.” His arms dropped, soberness returning as he continued, “But ethically difficult. Krogan reaction visceral, tragic. Not guilty, but responsible. Trained as doctor. Genophage affects fertility. Doesn’t kill,” he said defensively. “Still caused this. Hard to see big picture behind pile of corpses."

Shepard shook her head, giving him a stern look, “That might work on the uninformed Mordin, but after having Wrex on my team I used my Spectre clearance to look up information on the genophage. It affects offspring viability not fertility. It causes a mutation that either renders a female completely unable to bear children or deforms her unborn children to the point that a vast majority of them die and are aborted or if they survive past that point, are stillborn. Most people would call that borderline infanticide or outright infanticide depending on their beliefs of where life begins. I can guarantee you the krogan see the actions of the genophage as the ongoing murder of their children.”

At her statement, she noticed Samara turn and glance their direction a moment before the justicar turned her attention back to watching for attackers. She ignored the asari; she was still a bit vexed with the justicar commenting on the krogan pitting their varren against one another was unacceptable to her when there were so many larger issues at stake on Tuchanka. The last thing the krogan needed was to be taught compassion at the end of a rifle. While she had no problems with Samara following the Code again after her Oath was done, the justicar needed to return to asari space to enforce asari values and laws and not try to force them on the krogan. Maybe it would do Samara good to hear the truth about what the genophage was actually doing to the krogan as opposed to the sanitized lie that it was a sterility plague.

Shepard pointed back toward the way they had just come, from the direction where the Weyloc Clanspeaker had spoken to them about what the Weyloc clan would do once the genophage was cured, “You don’t get that type of anger from a lack of fertility; you get it from seeing a female get pregnant and then fail to be able to carry her children to term. You get it from looking at the thousands of deformed fetuses, and now all krogan grow up with that as a reality of their lives. Can you really just rationalize the truth of the genophage away? Is it that easy for you to justify the myriad consequences of infecting the krogan with a plague that kills their unborn children?” She indicated the body of the sterile female who, for a slim hope of being able to bear live children, had risked death and lost all.

Mordin looked briefly upward with an audible inhale before turning his gaze to her, "Wheel of life. Popular salarian concept. Similar to human Hinduism in focus on reincarnation. Appealing to see life as endless. Fix mistakes in next life. Learn, adapt, improve." Well it was hard to argue with that one wasn’t that what she was trying to do now? Learn from the mistakes she had made before her death, and improve by adopting and adapting the biotic and life lessons she was getting from her prothean memories? "Refuse to believe life ends here,” Mordin continued, drawing Shepard’s attention back to him, “Too wasteful. Have more to offer. Mistakes to fix. Cannot end here. Could do so much more."

Upon that they were in complete agreement, Shepard thought to herself. She stared at the salarian, he was still looking down at the body on the table, his expression set in unhappy lines. The light in here was harsh to him, emphasizing his age; at nearly fifty years of age Mordin had already exceeded his race’s average lifespan by a few years. She didn’t need to continue arguing this with him, “Stopping the Collectors isn’t a bad one.”

He looked at her and then smiled, “No, is not.”

With a motion of her hand, she said firmly, “Come on, let’s go find Maelon and shut this place down.” Then they could get off Tuchanka and for a little while maybe she wouldn’t have to think about the krogan and the genophage and the fact that she had realized over the course of the past few days that Mordin was right. As the situation currently stood, the krogan had to be prevented from having a population large enough for them to go to war with the rest of the galaxy. She felt like a traitor to Wrex, but she could see no other alternative, at least not right now. Maybe in the future another solution could be found for the krogan, one that didn’t leave her and the galaxies hands stained with the blood of millions of krogan children who were never given a chance to show whether they would have been a threat or not.

Mordin glanced down at the body of the krogan female one last time and then turned toward her. “Yes,” he agreed resolutely.

They proceeded through the door at the end of the hallway and into another area, there was still no sign of anyone and Shepard was starting to wonder where the remaining krogan guarding this hospital were waiting for them. A locked door caught her attention, and she motioned towards it with her rifle. Garrus and Samara promptly positioned themselves in either side of it. She palmed the door interface, quickly stepped to the side and raised her weapon as the door opened revealing a small cell containing two krogan. One was alive and sitting on the floor, the other laying a few feet away, dead. The krogan on the floor wasn't armed, Shepard lowered her weapon, and in fact it seemed as if he might be a prisoner.

"You killed the Blood Pack guards," the male looked up at her and stated as they entered the small room. Shepard frowned; the krogan wasn't making any effort to get up and sounded confused about what was happening.

Mordin spoke up, “Not Blood Pack, not a member of Clan Weyloc. Wrong clan markings.”

"I’m an Urdnot scout. Weyloc guards got me. Brought me here," the seated krogan replied.

This was the krogan they had been asked to keep an eye out for, Shepard realized, "The chief scout told us to watch out for you. We’ve taken out the guards. Get back to Urdnot."

The krogan shook his head, "I can’t, the Weyloc did things to me. Drugs. Injections. Said I was sacrificing for the good of all krogan. Experiments to cure the genophage. Everything’s blurry. Hard to think. Have to stay."

Well, that explained the way the krogan was acting, he'd been experimented upon and drugged realized Shepard. She turned to the salarian, "Mordin, can you get him back on his feet? Stims maybe? Something to booster his system against what their trying to do to him?"

"You don’t understand," the krogan scout protested, "I’m not too sick to leave. I have to stay. They’re curing the genophage. They’re going to make it all better! I have to stay!"

Mordin leaned over and whispered in her ear, “Caution Shepard. Patient unstable, susceptible. Brainwashed.”

She had been getting that idea herself, but she didn't really get the feeling that they had any reason to fear this krogan. “Why do you want them to keep doing the tests?” she questioned the scout.

“This is my fault, I got caught. Wasn’t strong enough, not good enough. This is the best I can do, this is all I can do," Shepard frowned, that was obviously something the Weyloc guards had told him after drugging him up, but he seemed to have taken it to heart. He looked up at her, "I’m not big enough to have a real shot with the females," he explained. "I’ll never have kids of my own. But if I help undo the genophage then I mattered!”

Shepard's expression softened as she stared down at him, realizing why the Weyloc guards had been able to so easily persuade him to cooperate with them and the lies they had told him. She wanted to help him, but you didn't coddle a krogan and offer them a shoulder to cry their woes out upon. She hardened her expression into sternness and knelt down in front of him to look him in the eye, "Millions of children will be born - Weyloc children. They plan on destroying the other clans. Is that what you want to happen to Urdnot?"

“But…no,” he protested, sounding confused. “No, they said I was helping Urdnot!”

“If you want to help Urdnot then you need to get back to camp and report in to the Chief Scout,” she responded firmly. “But it would take a real badass to make it back to camp while injured," she declared while at the same time giving him a dubious glance.

“I can do it!” the krogan scout protested.

He was reacting exactly the way she had hoped. “You?” she questioned him, making sure her tone was incredulous enough to sting his pride. “I said a real badass, all I see right now is a krogan who is sitting on the floor whining about the fact that his head feels fuzzy.” That lit some fire back into his eyes, she noticed, now to channel it in the direction she wanted, “A real scout would know that it’s not his size that matters, but his cunning and his determination to get the information that he was sent after back to his clan.”

“I can do it!” He repeated as he forced himself to stand. “I’m up,” he announced. “And I’m going to the female camp!"

Shepard resisted the impulse to smile at his comment, "Damn right you are!" she firmly agreed. Her tone that mixture of command and encouragement that, at least in humans, served well to motivate even exhausted marines into reaching down into themselves to give that extra effort, she looked up at him and said, "You will return to the Chief Scout with your report! You will show them what you’re worth! Now move out!" she ordered.

The krogan flexed his arms and growled out a, “Rah!” before heading out of the cell.

She stepped out into the hallway and watched him for a second. "Like you’ve got a purpose, Scout!" she called out after him and noticed with satisfaction that his pace immediately picked up a little. Satisfied she had done what she could for him, she turned back to her team. Samara's brows were raised and her expression was one of...surprised respect? Shepard wasn't really sure.

Mordin was staring at her; he blinked once and then commented, "Interesting motivational method."

As for Garrus, he looked like he was on the verge of breaking out into laughter, "There's no pep talk like a military pep talk." Yes the turian was definitely amused by the whole thing.

Shepard shook her head, a wry smile forming, "It worked didn't it?" She motioned toward the entrance not really giving anyone a chance to reply.

Moving forward they finally ran into more resistance, a group of mixed Blood Pack vorcha and a few krogan awaited them as they stepped out into an open area where diffuse light shown down from the sky above and staircases went down deeper into the hospital. Shepard opened fire on them as she sprinted forward to take cover behind the thick concrete balustrade that edged the walkway. Samara and Garrus were only a half-second behind her, sliding into place on either side while Mordin found cover on the other side of the turian.

Movement caught her eye; one of the krogan was rushing across the walkway that connected this side of the building with the other. Trusting that her shields would protect her for a few seconds, Shepard focused her mind, stood, and snapped her hand forcefully forward. Her biotic field caught the charging krogan near the end of the walkway, sending him flying off his feet and toward the railing. He flailed his arms wildly trying to halt his flight, to grab the railing...he didn't succeed. He hit the barrier, flipped over it and then fell with an angry sounding yell.

Shepard didn't know how far down it was to the bottom, but it was hopefully far enough to take him out of the fight. She ducked back down behind the railing just as her hard suit began warning her that her shields were taking hits; she had made herself an attractive target for the vorcha firing at them by standing up that way. Garrus, Mordin and Samara had kept up their attack on the group and after letting her shields recharge, Shepard joined them. With all four of them focusing on the vorcha and the sole remaining krogan, it didn’t take her group long to dispose of that group off attackers. Just in time too, because another group of krogan came rushing out of a doorway further down on the other side of the atrium like area as the last vorcha fell.

She glanced over to her right, approximately three meters away a shipping container held two drums of fuel, prominent warning labels showed that it was highly flammable and explosive. If she were correct, the shipping container she could just see on the other side of the walkway that appeared to be an exact match to this one held the same thing. She crouched and rushed around Mordin and Garrus, keeping low, now she was closer to the walkway that connected the two sides and could see the container on the other side more clearly. She smiled, she could just make out the drums now and the warning labels on them. She turned to look at the container now only a meter away; it would be the heaviest thing she had attempted to lift thus far. Well…except maybe for the harvester the other day and that hadn’t exactly been lifting but a strong push field.

Before attempting to lift the drums, she glanced over at the other side, searching for where the Blood Pack krogan were now. She was just in time to spot one of them lifting a missile launcher to his shoulder and fire. “Incoming,” she warned her team as she ducked down low behind the barricade. The missile impacted on the other side of it and the resulting explosion left her head ringing as well as causing the walkway they were standing upon to shudder.

Shepard’s eyes narrowed as she glanced over at the drums near her, she was lucky the krogan hadn’t thought to aim at them. On the other hand, he hadn’t and…she concentrated on building up a mass effect field, this would take a bit more than a quick moment to manage. It took her only two seconds to create what she thought was enough dark energy to do what was needed; she reached out her hand and lifted the container of unstable material. Even thought she felt a quick flash of exultation that she had managed to lift it, she didn’t celebrate just yet; she still had to propel it across the almost seven meter distance between here and the other side. Shepard snapped her head around to face the other direction, immediately focusing on the container on the other side. Then, focusing on exactly what she wanted to do, she brought her arm forward in a slight arc sending the explosive drums of material in a similar arch through the air toward container on the other side.

The Blood Pack krogan were just passing the container on their way toward the connecting walkway when she made her move. Seeing the container come sailing through the air at them they scattered. They were not quick enough however, not to escape the fireball that was created when the first container smashed into the second and both exploded. Orange and red flames rolled high enough to blacken the ceiling above and wide enough to encompass the entire width of the walkway on the other side. The Blood Pack krogan, beating frantically at the flaming chemical splattered on their armor and coughing at the chemical laden smoke stumbled out of the flames a second later. They were disoriented and disorganized; at that point it was a relatively simple matter to finish them off.

When the last krogan fell Shepard rose from her crouched position behind the balustrade and turned to face her team. Garrus was staring at her, his expression one of astonishment as his gazed moved to where the chemical fire still burned on the other side, “You told me that Cerberus had improved your biotics, but I never guessed…”

Shepard smiled wryly as his voice trailed off, “That I really wasn’t kidding when I said they more than doubled my biotic ability?” she finished for him.

“Yea,” he agreed after a moment, glancing between the fire and his commander.

She chuckled and glanced back over toward the fire. It already looked as if it was burning itself out; she estimated that they would be able to cross the area in a few more minutes.

“Interesting,” Mordin said, drawing her attention to the salarian. “Curious to find out how Cerberus managed such a thing.”

Shepard responded, “You’ll have to ask Miranda, I don’t know the details.”

“Will do so,” he promptly replied. She looked at him for a moment and then nodded, if he didn’t already know of her death he would soon.

Returning her attention to the area across the way Shepard noticed that the fire had almost burned itself out. “Let’s get moving,” she motioned toward the connecting walkway. They passed by the still burning drums and proceeded cautiously up the walkway, their weapons raised and ready. At the end of the walkway there was an open doorway and a ramp that led down to the level below.

Deep throated yells of encouragement from the open doorway had Shepard and her team scrambling for cover. There wasn’t much to choose from, Shepard sprinted forward and ducked down behind a shipping crate just seconds before a pack of varren came racing from the doorway. They were closely followed by a two Blood Pack krogan who immediately began firing upon them; it didn’t take a lot of thought for Shepard to realize they were trying to pin them down so their varren could attack. Considering that a varren could exert close to two metric tons of pressure with its jaws, more than enough to pierce some armors, the animals were a serious threat to her team.

In the next moment Shepard rose, thrust her arms forward and sent a biotic shockwave down the walkway. A half-second later she felt another biotic surge nearby. One of the varren, already thrown several feet backward by her shockwave, was abruptly thrown forcefully even further backward and into the two krogan who were behind the animal and had been knocked down by her dark energy wave. Shepard didn’t bother looking for the source of the extra attack, there was only one other biotic with them on this mission. Samara had acted almost at the same moment, taking advantage of Shepard’s attack to launch her own and no doubt discerning the same thing about the krogan’s strategy.

The human Spectre felt a flash of satisfaction at the way she and Samara worked together, falling into an easy synergy without even particularly trying. Fighting with Liara had been very similar, Amanda remembered with a stab of sorrow, they had just seemed to sense each other’s strategy and react accordingly. Maybe it was just that all asari were just gifted at that type of thing, thought Shepard, because she had fought alongside only two asari and both of them showed the same ability.

Even as she was thinking all this, the Spectre was kneeling and firing along with the rest of her team at the varren from behind the shipping crate. As fierce as the creatures were, their thick skins were not armored and they fell quickly to her team’s weapons fire. That left the two krogan by themselves, not a good position for them and they knew it. With an angry sounding growl one of the krogan charged towards Mordin’s position behind a thick support pillar, intent on at least taking the salarian with him. Seeing the massive, seven foot tall krogan bearing down on him, Mordin tried to backpedal away, but there was really no where for him to go except over the railing. Not really a viable option for the salarian. Shepard rose up, a bluish-white mass effect field forming around her hand, and thrust her arm forward towards the charging krogan. The dark energy intercepted him and sent him flying off his feet and backward into his companion.

Mordin took that moment to grab a grenade from his utility belt, step out of cover and send it sailing after them. Shepard was at first surprised and then impressed with the doctor’s quick thinking as she ducked back down behind the shipping container; she had gotten used to thinking of Mordin as a doctor and researcher and sometimes forgot he had been a much respected STG operative as well. Seconds later the grenade exploded, the detonation was followed by sound, extreme pain and fear sounded remarkably the same no matter from who it was coming. Shepard rose from behind the crate, Mordin had used an incendiary grenade, and the material from it was rapidly burning though the krogan’s armor and bodies. Amanda fought back memories of blackened concrete and the stench of burnt flesh that wanted to overwhelm her as her rifle found its targets and quickly silenced them.

She stood there staring at the burning bodies of the krogan until a touch on her shoulder drew her attention away from them; Samara’s pale blue eyes looked back at her. Serenely calm, the asari’s gaze drew Amanda back from her memories Mindoir. Though Shepard had talked about the slaver attack with the asari the other night, she didn’t think Samara had ever seen this in her memories. Noneless it seemed justicar had guessed what was happening, and acted to quickly bring her out of it. Shepard nodded her thanks to the asari, and then started forward past the bodies of the two krogan. The area the krogan had come from was simply an open room with no exits, the only way further into the hospital and finding Mordin’s student was down the ramp to the level below.

Shepard stepped off the ramp and looked around. This level appeared to be similar to the one above, except that there were two connecting walkway across the open space between the two sides instead of only one and there was no ramp that she could immediately see to the level below this one. She started forward, senses alert, her weapon raised, she was expecting an attack she just didn’t know from where or when. Motion…she snapped her head to look to the left, across to the other side of the open space. A massive krogan in silver armor stepped out of the shadows into the sunlight.

His orange eyes narrowed as they stared at one another and then he shouted, “Tremble and die, offworld scum! I am Weyloc Guld, Chief of Chiefs! Blood Pack attack!”

Krogan came out of open archways both further down on their side of the walkway and near where the Weyloc chief stood on the other side. “Suppressive fire, withdraw to the upper level,” Shepard immediately ordered. They were outnumbered and she didn’t want them to get pinned down by the group of krogan in front of them and then flanked by the ones on the other walkway.

A moment’s concentration and focusing of her biotics brought up a barrier to supplement her shields as Shepard focused on keeping the krogan in front of them ducking for cover while Mordin, Garrus and Samara retreated up the ramp while firing at the krogan on the far side. Once her people were almost at the top of the ramp, Shepard began her own careful retreat. Frequent fire from both groups of Weyloc krogan focused on her as she retreated steadily stripping away the biotic barrier she had created and then starting in on her shields. As she neared the top, Shepard had reason to be grateful for her forethought in forming it because her hard suit began warning her that her shields were almost gone as she stepped onto the upper level and ducked back behind the concrete and metal balustrade.

Now they had the advantage of height, couldn’t be flanked, and there was only one way up to them. As if to emphasize that fact and the advantage it gave her team, a krogan attempted to rush up the ramp. Before Shepard could act, Samara rose from behind the balustrade and with deadly gracefulness swept her hand toward the charging krogan. The asari’s biotic push sent the krogan slamming into the thinner railing of the ramp, which bent and crumpled underneath the force of the krogan hitting it, and sent him plummeting downward.

"Nice," Shepard complemented the justicar as Samara ducked back down the thick concrete.

The justicar looked over at her and there was a slight smile on Samara’s plum colored lips as the asari commented, “It is good to remind them that they face two biotics.”

Was that a joke? Shepard stared at the asari in surprise and then grinned, “True.” Samara’s action seemed to be enough to teach the other krogan that attempting to storm up the ramp wasn’t their best idea because that was the Weyloc’s last attempt.

Shepard then focused her weapon’s fire on the one krogan in silver colored armor, Weyloc Guld, reasoning that if she took out the Weyloc Chief it would demoralize the rest of his forces… Or it would make them angry and they would attempt to charge them en mass. As she aimed for the krogan’s head and then squeezed the trigger, firing off a short burst, Shepard wasn’t sure which of the two possibilities was more likely. Her aim was true; the rounds struck the Weyloc chieftain in between his wide-set eyes and below his crest, cutting off midstream his bellowing of orders to his clansmen. Shepard watched in satisfaction as the massive krogan crumpled to the floor and did not move.

There was a lull in the Blood Pack weapons fire as they realized that their leader had just been killed. The brief moment of silence was followed by a howl of angry outrage from several krogan throats, and then her second option of their reaction came into existence. Several of the Weyloc krogan rose from behind wherever they had taken cover and started toward the walkway that connected the one side of the atrium to the other. Unfortunately for them it just made them easier targets for her team to take down. Between their weapons, her and Samara’s biotics, and Mordin’s liberal usage of incendiary grenades, the battle was over in just a few minutes.

Shepard rose, formed another biotic barrier around herself and then silently motioned for the other’s to follow behind her as she started for the ramp. There were only two krogan still alive below; first one and then the other krogan fell to their weapons fire. Now unopposed, they proceeded across the nearest connecting bridge and turned to the right. Shepard spotted what she had been looking for, a ramp leading downward to the lowest level of the hospital. If they didn’t find Maelon there, Shepard knew they would have to start backtracking and looking for another section of the hospital that they hadn’t yet explored.

The ramp lead downward and then downward again after a short hallway, they stepped out into another hallway; at one end was a small room and the other a sealed doorway. It wasn’t locked; Shepard cycled it open revealing a large room. At the far end, a lone salarian stood in front of a haptic computer interface manipulating data upon the large display in front of him. There was no one else in the room, or at least no one alive, Shepard revised her thoughts as she spotted a shroud covered form on one of the several metal examination tables that lined either side of the room.

Mordin stared at the other salarian, “Maelon. Alive. Unharmed.” They stepped into the room, “No signs of restraint. No evidence of torture. Don’t understand.”

“For such a smart man Professor, you always had trouble seeing evidence that disagreed with your preconceptions,” the younger salarian observed, finally turning around to face them as they walked up. “How long will it take you to admit that I’m here because I wish to be here?”

“He wasn’t kidnapped. He came here voluntarily to cure the genophage,” Shepard stated, staring at Maelon who nodded and then drew back from her as he noticed her decidedly unfriendly expression.

Mordin was clearly taken aback by this possibility, “Impossible,” he declared. “Whole team agreed! Project necessary!”

“How was I supposed to disagree with the great Doctor Solus?” the younger salarian sneered back, “I was your student! I looked up to you!”

“Experiments performed here. Live subjects! Prisoners! Torture and executions. You’re doing?” Mordin said, his anger obvious as he pointed his finger accusingly at the younger salarian.

“We’ve already got the blood of millions on our hands, Doctor. If it takes a bit more to put things right, I can deal with that,” Maelon replied, not flinching at all from the older salarian’s anger.

Shepard stared at him; he seemed to feel no remorse at all over his actions. He had used unwilling and helpless humans in his experiments, experiments which had eventually killed them. From the marks around the bodies ankles and wrists, the Weyloc’s human captives had struggled to escape, had probably even plead with Maelon to stop what he was doing to them and let them go. “You honestly think the experiments you did here are justified?” her tone was chill with controlled anger.

Maelon drew back from her for a moment but then quickly rallied. “We committed cultural genocide! Nothing I do will ever be justified!” he proclaimed bitterly. “The experiments are monstrous…because I was taught to be a monster,” the younger salarian’s eyes went to Mordin as he laid this accusation at the older salarian’s feet.

Shepard immediately turned to her crewmember, “Mordin, did you ever perform experiments like this?”

The salarian doctor shook his head, “No,” he stated emphatically, his disgust with the very idea of it clear. He turned back to his student, “Never taught you this, Maelon.”

“So your hands are clean! What does it matter if the ground is stained with the blood of millions!” the younger salarian waved away Mordin’s words. “You taught me that the end justified the means. I will undo what we did Professor. The only way I know how.”

It was becoming obvious to Shepard that Maelon was obsessed with curing the genophage. He could see nothing else but it: not the crimes he had committed in his research, not the risk that what he was doing would lead another galaxy spanning war that would threaten both the Council races and krogan alike. He seemed completely blind to the fact that curing the genophage and giving that cure to Clan Weyloc meant the unleashing of the Blood Pack upon the galaxy to carry out their plans of genocide against the turians and the enslavement of his own race. That thought gave her pause, he did seem completely blind to the fact that working with the Weyloc clan would lead to such a terrible future for his own kind. Shepard frowned, and her eyes narrowed upon the younger salarian as she studied him more closely, she crossed her arms and asked, “And what do you think will happen once the genophage is cured?”

“A krogan cultural renaissance!” Maelon declared. “Currently krogan fight over fertile females, become mercenaries or pirates because they see no other alternative. Curing the genophage would remove the cause for both, and allow the krogan to once again have hope in their race. They will thrive and in time become a true part of the galactic community,” he turned toward Mordin and said accusingly, “As they would have if we had not decided that they deserved to continue being punished with the genophage.”

“Inaccurate,” the older salarian immediately rebutted. “Krogan population resulted in war. Simulations were clear!”

Shepard stared incredulously at the younger salarian throughout all of this, was he really that blind to the probable consequences of his decision to cure the genophage? After a few more moments she decided that he was, he seemed to actually believe what he had just told them. “What happens if the genophage is cured and the krogan expand once again?” she questioned him, bringing up what she thought was the far more likely outcome rather than Maelon’s rosy view of the future. “That will be on your head.”

“We justified this atrocity by saying that the krogan would cause havoc and war if their population recovered,” the younger salarian replied to her question heatedly. “But look at the galaxy! Batarian attacks in the Traverse, geth attacks on the Citadel. Is this a more peaceful universe?” Before she could reply that what they now had was definitely better than what things would be like under the Weyloc’s Krogan Empire, he continued, “The assault on your Eden Prime might never have happened if we let the krogan recover. We’ll never know.”

The mention of Eden Prime completely confused her, “How would a krogan population explosion have done anything to stop Saren and the geth?”

“An increased krogan population would have forced the Council to take steps, likely involving colony rights in the traverse,” Maelon replied. Shepard raised an eyebrow, she doubted that would be the step the Council would have decided upon taking in such a scenario but she’d let it go for now. “The turian fleets would be vigilant for any military activity in the area. They might have stopped the geth at Eden Prime.” Or Sovereign might have destroyed them bit by bit since the turian fleet would have been spread out over the entire region, Shepard thought, thinking of how the Reaper ship had torn through most of the Citadel fleet.

“Supposition. Impossible to be certain,” Morin replied to him, shaking his head as he stared at his former student.

“Don’t you see?” Maelon pleaded with them. “We tried to play god and we failed! We only made things worse…and I’m going to fix it.”

Shepard was beginning to think that that Maelon had a very weak grasp on reality; he seemed to be living in his own version of the universe, one that didn’t quite work by the same rules as the one everyone else lived within. In other words, she was starting to suspect that Mordin’s former student wasn’t entirely mentally stable. If she was right, then she would guess that something had happened to him either during or after the STG had modified the genophage to cause it. Still, he seemed to be in a mood to explain his actions and there were a few things she was curious about, “Why work with clan Weyloc? And how did you access the genophage data?” she questioned him.

“The data was easy to obtain. We all still had clearance. We were heroes. All I had to do was ask,” the younger salarian explained. “As for the Weyloc, they were the only clan with both the resources and the commitment.”

“Urdnot had a larger camp than Weyloc,” Shepard prodded, looking for more of an explanation than he had just given. “Why not use them?”

“Urdnot Wrex is too soft,” Maelon replied with a shrug. “He wasn’t willing to do the experiments I needed.”

Ah old friend, Shepard thought to herself at once amused, proud and irked with Wrex. She understood that he couldn’t come right out and ask her to stop Weyloc from discovering a genophage cure. To do so would have been political, and perhaps even literal, suicide for him given how angry a majority of krogan were about it. She would have appreciated it thought if he could have come up with a way of letting her know what she was actually walking into here. Still, she was pleased that he had refused to help Maelon once he knew the extent of the experiments the salarian was planned on doing.

“It’s Urdnot’s loss and Weyloc’s gain,” Maelon continued. “Their clan will be the first to recover from the crime we committed.”

Shepard shook her head, she had heard enough now to conclude there was a strong chance that Maelon was indeed mentally unstable, and she had come to a decision on what she was going to do with him. Curious to see what Mordin’s solution to the problem would be she turned and asked the older salarian, “Maelon clearly doesn’t need rescuing. What do you want to do Mordin?”

“Have to end this,” the older salarian stated decisively.

Surprising her with his quickness, Maelon pulled a pistol and pointed it at Mordin, “You can’t face the truth can you? Can’t admit that you’re brilliant mind led you to commit an atrocity!” Garrus moved drawing Maelon’s attention, it was all Mordin needed, he moved forward slamming his fist into the younger salarian’s face. He snatching the pistol away from his former student and pointed it at Maelon’s head, “Unacceptable experiments. Unacceptable goals. Won’t change. No choice. Have to kill you.”

Before he could act on his thoughts, Shepard intervened; knowing that to let him go through with this action would be a bad idea for the older salarian. She had pushed him pretty hard earlier to think about his actions, and then he had been confronted with this…she needed to control this situation and prevent him from doing something he would regret later. “Wait. You don’t have to do this Mordin.” Almost comically, Maelon frantically shook his head in agreement with her. “You’re not a murderer,” she stated softly but firmly. The younger salarian’s head shake quickly changed into a rapid nod. Shepard wished he would just stay still, even as she sardonically noted how quickly Maelon’s tune had changed about Mordin now that there was a gun in his face.

“No,” the older salarian almost gasped out the word. “Not a murderer. Thank you Shepard,” he said, his gratitude plain to hear in his voice as he stepped away from the other salarian. “Finished Maelon. Get out. No Weyloc left. Project over.”

“Not so quickly, Mordin,” Shepard interrupted him, “Garrus, Samara take him into custody.” She had no intention of letting Maelon just wander free. His questionable mental condition and his knowledge of the genophage and his intent to cure it made him much too dangerous for her to allow that. The turian and asari moved quickly each moving forward and taking a firm hold of one of the salarian’s slender upper arms. “This is a hospital; can you find something to anesthetize him with Mordin? We’ll put him in a stasis pod and deliver him to the Citadel, let the Council and/or the Salarian Union decide what to do with him.” The salarian STG had created this problem, and as far as she was concerned they could take on the responsibility for deciding what to do with him.

“No,” Maelon began to struggle against the hold Samara and Garrus had on him, “They’ll try me for treason.”

She turned and gave him a cool, dispassionate look, “And several counts of murder,” she added. She wasn’t about to tell him she planned on recommending that he be given a through mental evaluation before any decisions were made about charging him for his actions, or that she guessed he wouldn’t be getting out of the secure mental institution they would probably put him in before his short lifespan was over. “Perhaps that was something you should have thought about before you decided to commit your crimes.” Maelon went still and stared at her for a moment, blinking his dark eyes rapidly as he took in what she had just told him.

As Mordin began looking around for something to knock out his former student for the trip back to the Normandy, Maelon began to struggle even more frantically than before against the hold her two crewmembers had on him. Shepard wasn’t concerned that his efforts would bear fruit however, he had as much chance of getting away from Samara and Garrus as the human victims of his experimentation had been able to get away from him.

“Anapherzone,” Mordin announced picking up a bottle from one of the laboratory refrigerators. “Suitable for salarian physiology.” Shepard looked over at him; he was already preparing a syringe.

It took longer for Samara and Garrus to hold Maelon still enough for Mordin to actually administer the drug than it had for him to find and prepare it, finally though it was done. Already starting to slump as the drug took effect, his former student had one last thing to say before he went under, “The krogan didn’t deserve what we did to them, Professor. The genophage needs to end.”

“Not like this,” Mordin replied as he watched the other salarian slip into unconsciousness. He scanned his former student with his omni-tool and then turned to Shepard and nodded. “Vitals good. Should last for four hours.”

“I’ve got him,” Garrus said to Samara, indicating that the asari could let him take the drugged salarian’s full weight.

“Apologies commander,” Mordin said to her. “Misunderstood mission parameters. No kidnapping. My mistake, thank you.

Shepard shrugged, “It sounded like a reasonable assumption to me as well. How are you doing?” She looked at him inquiringly.

“Killing him easier than listening,” Mordin replied somberly. “Easier for him too. Experiments indicate how far he has fallen. Expected it from krogan. Not one of mine.”

She stared at him, weighing various answers that came to mind. Finally she settled on one, “The genophage has many costs associated with it. As I said before, it’s created almost as many issues with the krogan as the single one it was created to address.”

Mordin nodded, “Yes. So many variables. Stress responses. Impossible to truly predict. Something to think about.” He walked over to the data terminal where Maelon had been working when they came in, “Maelon’s research. Loose end. Could destroy it. Closure, security. Still valuable, though.”

Shepard frowned, caught between wanting to tell him to get rid of the data because of what had been done to obtain it and the tactical value of keeping having it available to them if they needed it. Though she would be hesitant to cure the genophage because of what the krogan might do afterward, if it came down to needing the krogan to defeat the Reapers this information most likely be very useful. “Make two encrypted copies on your omni-tool, one for evidence and one for us to keep just in case it’s ever needed. Then make sure you destroy the information here.”

Garrus gave her a sharp glance, “You think that the krogan would be useful against the Reapers?”

She shrugged, “Probably not since they don’t have many ships, but you never know. I’d rather have it and not need it, than need it and not have it.” The turian’s mandibles flared once at that and then he nodded his expression grim. It matched the expression on her own face, she didn’t like thinking of entire races as chess pieces on the board against the Reapers, but to a certain extent she knew she had to now. She noticed that Samara didn’t say anything; the justicar was merely observing what was going on with an intent look.

Mordin turned his attention back to the terminal, “Capturing data. Wiping local copy. Maelon’s research still years away from cure. But still better than starting from scratch.” After a minute or so he turned back to her and announced, “Done. Ready to go. Ready to be off Tuchanka. Anywhere else. Maybe somewhere sunny.”

“Next stop is the Citadel, its daylight there all the time,” she smirked at him. “It’s sort of like sunny.”

Mordin looked uncharacteristically hesitant; it was enough to make her give him an inquiring look. Finally he admitted, “Shepard, not certain entire Council was aware of project.”

Somehow that didn’t surprise her at all, “Well that should make things more interesting, shouldn’t it?”


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The Mass Effect universe is the property of Bioware/Electronic Arts. No infringement of these copyrights is intended as this is a not for profit fan fiction work.
> 
> Warning: Sexual Content - Sexual Domination
> 
> Notes: This is an Alternate Universe story, and is inspired by the Beyonce song “Save the Hero,” from the album I am…Sasha Fierce. The portrayal of Cerberus in my story is heavily influenced by the contents of the second and third Mass Effect books, Ascension and Retribution. The Prothean language I’m using is a mixture of Quenyanna and Sindarin, languages originally created by Tolkien.
> 
> Chapter Notes: Sources of inspiration for Mistress Leonora Myers are Lady Heather from CSI, and Mistress Janeway as characterized in NovaD’s The Secret Logs of Mistress Janeway. (Now available on Amazon if you’re interested.)
> 
> Rating: Adult
> 
> Feedback: Always welcome, feedback is what encourages me to keep writing. Please let me know what you like and what you dislike about the story.
> 
> Errors and Corrections: Yes, please let me know about any errors you see so that I can correct them. This is un-beta’ed so it probably has a few.
> 
> Correction Note: Chapter 23 has been undergone a minor rewrite to flesh out the character of Tela Vasir more thoroughly.
> 
> Revision History: 01/04/2011; 02/20/2011

**Illium - Nos Astra Main Trading Floor**

Spectre Tela Vasir had put off meeting with Liara T'Soni for several days. Shortly after she had traded information on Shepard and her team with the salarian STG unit, she had come across a solid lead on her primary mission, tracking down the members of a group calling itself TruthHax and discovering who they were, why they had broken into the Citadel's Ministry of Finance, stolen classified data and then published it on the extranet. TruthHax claimed to be an activist group who thought that all information collected by the government should be freely available to its citizens, but Citadel Intelligence believed whoever was behind the break in at the Citadel had other motives that had nothing to do with the groups stated manifesto and a lot more to do with a certain volus clan's business interests.

Tela now knew that both things were in a way true, the TruthHax cell which had broken into the Ministry of Finance was composed of ten individuals who fell into two distinct groups. Six were young and seemingly naive hackers, two humans and four salarians, all males, who seemed to actually believe TruthHax's manifesto. The other four cell members were volus and were different matter entirely. They had ties to a rather powerful financial company which was majority owned by the Nao Clan and had profited greatly from the public release of the stolen data.

The asari Spectre had already made up her mind how to deal with them, the hackers she would give a second chance to learn some wisdom during their stay in prison. Their volus backers however, were a different matter. Right after the break in and data theft at the Ministry of Finance, Citadel Intelligence had immediately started looking into the possibility that the Volus Protectorate and the Nao Clan in particular were behind it as they had been the most outspoken critics of the Council keeping their economic statistical sources secret. In response to Citadel Intelligence's investigations, the Nao Clan had very publicly declared that they had nothing to do with the break in, were indignant and offended that the Council would suspect them of such a thing, and condemned the actions of those who perpetrated it. Now she had proof of what Citadel Intelligence had suspected all along, that their claims of innocence were outright lies.

Unfortunately the evidence she had was not enough to conclusively prove Nao Clan's involvement. If she brought her evidence to the attention of the Council and they acted on it, she was almost certain that the Nao Clan would proclaim that the Council was unfairly accusing them yet again and would promptly produce evidence and witnesses to prove their unquestionable innocence. And then they would probably be insolently arrogant enough to suggest the Council and she owed them an apology for making the accusation. No, openly was not the way to handle this situation. That didn't mean however there wasn't a way to punish them for their actions against the Council. Executing their representatives would send Nao Clan a clear message, especially if the four volus in their pay were pointedly singled out. Yet another reason to let the two human and four salarian hackers live.

Right now though, two of the four volus were off-world and not due to return for a few days. She needed to take the group down all together, otherwise the other two would try to disappear and it would take her weeks to track them down. She wasn't interested in doing that, thus it seemed a perfect time to follow up on the STG Lieutenant's suggestion, which was why she was currently back in her business suit and on her way to T'Soni's office. She took the stairs up to the Administration level and turned to the right, the receptionist’s desk immediately outside T'Soni's office was unmanned. Apparently the maiden hadn't replaced the Shadow Broker agent who had been posing as her receptionist yet. Tela waved her hand across the door sensor and waited.

After a few seconds there was a response, "Spectre Vasir, may I inquire as to the purpose of this visit?"

Tela was reluctantly impressed at T’Soni’s knowledge, "Spectre Shepard." There was silence for several seconds and then the door opened, revealing a relatively spacious office with an excellent view of the main trading floor and Nos Astra skyline. Liara T'Soni was seated at a large and expensive looking desk directly opposite the doorway. The maiden didn’t rise when she entered, and Tela was suddenly certain that the other asari had a weapon pointed at her underneath the desk. The asari Spectre's brown eyes narrowed on the maiden, her expression foreboding. Playing on her hunch she said, “You should know from having fought with Shepard that it can be detrimental to your health to point a weapon at a Spectre.”

T'Soni didn’t deny it, nor did she look particularly intimidated, “I know that some Spectre's go to the Shadow Broker for information, for all I know you could be here on his behalf to kill me,” the pureblooded asari maiden responded coolly.

Tela stiffened at the almost accusation. Still...it didn't sound as if T'Soni knew for certain that she dealt with the Shadow Broker. The other asari was probably trying to see if she could provoke a betraying reaction. Therefore her best course of action would be to simply ignore the attempt, “I’m here at the request of the Council."

The two of them stared at one another for a long moment before T'Soni, raised her hand and placed a very deadly looking pistol on her desk. Vasir noticed that the other asari kept her hand nearby it, if needed the maiden could grab it very quickly. Paranoid but smart, Tela mused, technically the other asari had just complied, but she was still prepared for betrayal.

“And what does the Council want?” T'Soni's tone was no warmer than it had been before; if anything it seemed as if mentioning the Council chilled the already cool tenor of the conversation even further.

Well this conversation was certainly starting off well, the asari Spectre thought to herself sarcastically. “The Council is concerned about Spectre Shepard’s mental state…”

That was as far as Vasir got before T'Soni interrupted her with an angry snarl, "The Council is concerned about Shepard! The Council and Alliance were so concerned about her that they didn’t even attempt to recover her body. They barely waited for her funeral to finish before tearing apart her reputation so that they could portray her as unstable and misguided."

Tela's eyes narrowed at the interruption, she hadn’t been expecting such a hostile reaction to her inquiry and she was belatedly aware that perhaps she should have expected it. After all, everything T’Soni had just said was the truth, it made sense that if the maiden and Shepard had been lovers that T’Soni would be angry at how the Council and Alliance had acted after the human Spectre’s reported death. The thing that truly caught her attention, however, was the level of certainty with which T'Soni had just spoken about Shepard dying during the attack on the Normandy SR1. Thinking over the information Councilor Tevos had shared with her after she had left the Citadel on her mission had made Tela realize a few things that had to be true in order for Cerberus to have found Shepard in time to place her into stasis and then resuscitate her. “Shepard was in your office a little over a week ago, you know that she is alive. I suspect she told you that Cerberus found her right after the attack, probably before Alliance ships even arrived to rescue you. In fact, given how quickly Cerberus was there after the attack, I wouldn't be surprised to find out they might have had something to do with it.”

T’Soni’s brow rose and an expression of scornful disbelief crossed her face, “I doubt that was what Shepard told the Council.”

The asari Spectre fought the impulse to grind her teeth together in aggravation at T'Soni's general attitude and the fact that the maiden was entirely correct. On the other hand, it certainly seemed as if T’Soni might know quite a bit about the circumstances surrounding Shepard’s reappearance and what had happened in the past two years since Shepard’s death. Now she just needed to bring this conversation back under control and ensure that she got that information from the maiden. Tela chose her next words carefully, “Shepard didn’t say very much about what happened to her when she spoke to the Council. Only that Cerberus found her very badly injured, resuscitated her and then kept her in a coma while they repaired the damage to her body." She certainly wasn’t going to mention that they had gotten far more information about what had happened to Shepard a few weeks later via Chief Williams than they had gotten directly from Shepard. The maiden’s blue eyes narrowed on her as if the other asari suspected something was being held back from her. “The Council is trying to figure out exactly what happened to her and what Cerberus’s true motives are in this. I certainly wouldn’t put it past them to have lied to her about what they did to her and how long it actually took them to heal her to make her feel indebted to them.”

T’Soni's blue eyes briefly narrowed even further before returning to a more normal width. The maiden stared at her with a thoughtful expression on her face for a long moment before replying, “Your supposition about them having something do with the attack would be a logical one had Cerberus found Shepard before or shortly after she died, however Cerberus did not find Shepard’s body. The Blue Suns found her on the surface of Alchera among the wreckage of the Normandy. Where the Alliance would have found her had they made even a single attempt to recover her body,” the maiden added bitterly.

Tela frowned, on the surface of the planet? That would have meant that Shepard had survived entering the atmosphere and landing on the planet’s surface. That seemed impossible. “How do you know this?” Had Shepard told her that was what happened?

The asari maiden’s expression hardened, “I know what happened because I was the one Cerberus contacted about the bounty the Shadow Broker had put on her body so that he could turn it over to the Collectors in exchange for money and technology. I know because I was the one who took her body from the Shadow Broker’s agents and gave it to Cerberus.”

Shocked enough by what she had just heard for her expression to betray her emotions, the asari Spectre stared at the maiden across from her in disbelief and dismay, her mind scrambling to make sense of the completely unexpected information she had just gained. Two years ago Collectors had tried to acquire Shepard and the Shadow Broker had brokered the transaction for them? Tela knew he was involved in some highly illegal transactions, but putting a bounty on a Spectre for the purpose of trading them to the Collectors was beyond even what she had thought the Broker would do, and left her feeling very uneasy considering her own dealings with the mysterious information dealer. As important and surprising as that information was however, she was more interested in finding out something else, something that absolutely did not make any sense to her. “Why would you give her to Cerberus instead of bringing her back to the Citadel?” T'Soni was reportedly Shepard's lover, why would she do such a thing?

T’Soni stared silently at her for several seconds, her expression oddly grim and serious for one so young. Finally she replied, “Because they said they could bring her back to life instead of placing her body in a casket.” What the other asari had just said seemed so preposterous that Tela just stared at the younger asari in disbelief. “The Cerberus project to bring back Shepard was named Project Lazarus for a very good reason, Spectre Vasir,” T'Soni continued, “Shepard was dead when I gave her to them.”

The maiden wasn't sounding as if she meant that the human had been clinically dead but rather more than that. “What?” Spectre Vasir asked faintly.

What twisted T’Soni’s mouth then was not a smile, and Tela recoiled from the expression on the other asari’s face. “She was frozen solid, had third and second degree burns over most of her body, and her right side was so shattered from falling onto the surface of the planet that scans of her body only picked up pulverized bone in her right arm and shoulder. Not that the rest of her was in much better shape, there wasn't a bone in her body that wasn't broken or at least fractured. Thankfully her helmet saved her skull from severe damage otherwise there would have been no hope of bringing her back.” The words and the grim reality of them hung in the air between them. T'Soni looked her straight in the eye, “She was dead. If I had taken her body back to the Citadel, the Alliance would have buried her."

Their conversation didn't last for very much longer, T'Soni wasn't interested in sharing the details of how exactly she had gotten Shepard's body away from the Shadow Broker, and she didn't know anything about how Cerberus had managed to bring Shepard back. Nor would she answer Tela when then the asari Spectre asked why the maiden was still on Illium instead of with Shepard after going through so much to bring the human back. In fact that question had led to T'Soni becoming completely uncooperative and all but threatening to forcibly remove Vasir from her office. Realizing that her question had touched on a very sensitive nerve, Tela decided her best course of action was to simply leave. After all, if she needed more information from T'Soni in the future, it would be difficult to obtain it if the pureblooded maiden was dead. Though apparently bring dead was slightly less permanent than she had believed earlier in the day.

As soon as she was away from the main Trading Floor, Tela stopped at a small cafe and ordered some tea. She needed to think about the information she had just obtained and what exactly to do with it. Without a doubt, Councilor Tevos would be very interested in this information and would want to receive it as soon as possible. Unfortunately, Tela felt that it was also sensitive enough that she wasn't comfortable with the idea of trusting it to their possibly compromised intelligence channels. That meant delivering it in person, and that would have to wait until after she resolved her current mission. Fortunately, finishing up with the TruthHax cell shouldn't take very long once the two volus returned in a few days; with any luck she would be on her way back to the Citadel in less than a week.

Her mind made up that she would deliver the information after her current mission was completed, Tela's thoughts turned towards the implications of what she had just learned. Shepard's neural pathways had been preserved by being frozen so quickly after she died, Cerberus had only needed to repair her body and then resuscitate her. Tela shook her head that was a rather big ‘only’ and left unanswered questions of exactly how Cerberus had not only managed to keep those neural pathways intact after they had thawed Shepard out but also been able to repair what had been, from T'Soni's brief description of the state of the human’s body when the maiden recovered it, some very extensive damage.

The asari Spectre stared out at the view of Nos Astra before her as she sipped her delicately spiced tea. If T'Soni had told her the truth, then Cerberus had succeeded in bringing someone back to life after they had been dead, and not just clinically dead, but with no brain activity or any other sign of life. T'Soni had made it very clear that she had given a body to Cerberus, and now, two years later, Shepard was alive again. Tela shook her head in disbelief, Goddess, that shouldn't be possible. Why hadn’t Shepard informed the Council of any of this when she spoke to them?

Why would she? The counter question popped immediately into Tela's mind, reminding her of the way Councilor Metellus and the other Councilors had spoken to Shepard when the human Spectre came to them for help. Shepard knew they didn’t believe her about the Reapers, why would she think they would believe her if she told them she had been dead and Cerberus had brought her back to life? And once the meeting was underway and it was clear that the Council wasn’t inclined to either believe her or give her much in the way of assistance, why would Shepard think they would do anything other than believe the turian Councilor was right, that she was crazy, and lock her up somewhere if she told them? In Shepard's place, Tela couldn't say she wouldn't have made the same choice to keep silent. Especially if she were convinced as the human Spectre appeared to be that the Reapers were real and that she was the only one along with Councilor Anderson who was not dismissing the threat of them.

Also what of Councilor Valern and Tevos’ suspicions that Cerberus was ultimately behind the Collector attacks? If that were true, then why had the human terrorist organization intervened with the Shadow Broker’s transaction with the Collectors? Why inform T’Soni and bring her in to prevent Shepard’s body from being turned over to the Collectors if Cerberus would have ended up with it anyway? The corners of Tela’s lips turned slightly downward in a small frown, while the information she had gained from T'Soni was important and would be of great interest to Councilor Tevos, none of it seemed to support the Councilors’ theory that Cerberus was working with the Collectors.

The asari Spectre’s frown deepened; it seemed that, although she had gathered quite a lot of data on Shepard and on Cerberus’s activities during her time here, she would leave Illium with more questions than when she had arrived. She took another sip of her tea; at least her meeting with T’Soni had resulted in her learning enough information to answer one of her own questions. She now had a good idea of why the asari maiden had left her archeological digs to become an information broker and work against the Shadow Broker.

Speaking of what she had learned while gathering information about Shepard, Tela mused, she still had the information Lt. Aerlan Maleis had given her on the communications they had intercepted between the now deceased Eclipse Captains Wasea and Enyla and the local politicians they had paid off. She was certain she had at least two days before the two volus involved in her TruthHax investigation returned to Illium, she might as well take advantage of that time to take care of some of the local governmental corruption. The asari Spectre had few illusions about how permanent anything she did here would be. She had no doubt that things would return to the way they had been before she or Shepard had come here within a very short period of time. The only thing she would really be doing was leaving them with an example of what happened to those who drew too much attention to themselves with their actions.

************

Liara stared down at the bustling figures moving about on the Trading Floor and nibbled uncertainly at her lower lip. She hoped she had just done the right thing, that what she had just done would help Amanda instead of making things more difficult for her. From what Spectre Vasir had said to her, it had sounded as if the Council had just enough information about what had happened to Shepard that, given the conclusions they had reached in the past, they would come to an incorrect one and decide that Shepard was working with Cerberus willingly and had been for some time. Why though had Shepard not told them the truth already? Or had she and they had not believed her?

The asari scowled, that would not surprise her. She would have to keep in touch with her sources on the Citadel, find out what was being said about Amanda's return. See if anyone had heard anything about the Council's reaction to it. Spectre Vasir had said that she had been sent by the Council, but Liara honestly doubted that was entirely true. However she would believe that at least one Councilor was seeking out more information on Shepard's activities, and Liara would bet on it having been Councilor Tevos. Both because of the asari Councilor's past willingness to at least hear Shepard out and the fact that it was Tela Vasir who had been sent on the information gathering mission.

The asari’s gaze moved to where, until a few days ago, the Normandy SR2 had been docked. Amanda hadn’t returned to see her after the last time the human had been in her office. That had been a very hard day and part of her cried out in anguish against the finality of what had been said between them, that she had essentially told the person she had wanted to be her bondmate that she didn’t want her any longer. Her blue lips twisted into a deep frown, two days afterward she had spotted Amanda walking with the asari Justicar she had recruited, the two of them walking side by side, their matching strides purposeful. Part of Liara had wanted to storm down and shove the older asari aside, tell the matron that was her rightful place by Shepard’s side. Yet she had done nothing, simply stood by the window looking down with her fists clenched, and Amanda hadn’t even looked up toward her office.

 

**Normandy – Third Deck – in stationary orbit around Tuchanka late afternoon of the third day**

Maelon was now safely stowed away in one of the medical bay stasis tubes. They were meant to preserve the life of an ill crew member whose needed treatment exceeded the ships medical facilities. In a pinch, they also served nicely as a way of ensuring that troublesome prisoners couldn't escape or commit sabotage of the ships systems. In this case, it also ensured their prisoner didn't become aware of the fact that there was an AI on board and then share that fact with anyone else. That would be a disaster given that the Council's standing orders concerning AI's were to destroy them as soon as they were found.

Dr. Chakwas looked up as Shepard entered the medical bay, "Our guest doing well?" There had been some question earlier when the salarian had been brought aboard unconscious.

The older woman gave her a reassuring smile, "He looks fine. As you know, I was a little worried about putting him under before he had recovered from the anesthetic Dr. Solus had given him, but it's completely out of his system now and all his vitals look normal for a salarian of his age."

"That's good," Shepard was relieved. She would have felt...well honestly she would have felt equally aggravated and regretful if Maleon had died due to her order that he be kept in stasis until she could turn him over to C-Sec. After stopping Mordin from killing him and then going through the trouble of getting the unconscious salarian safely back through the Urdnot compound and up to the ship, that would have been a stupid way for him to die. Shepard talked a few more minutes with the doctor and then made her excuses; she had another stop to make before calling it a night.

She was...well honestly she was feeling a bit uncomfortable with her earlier anger at Samara's comment about the varren pit fights. The asari was a Justicar through and through, which meant that Samara followed her Code to the letter. That apparently included forbidding the pitting of varren against one another for entertainment. It wasn't that Shepard disagreed, she thought it was barbaric as well, it was just that when she thought Samara going back to Tuchanka by herself and starting a battle with Clan Urdnot, and by extension it's Clanleader, she wanted beat her head against a wall in frustration at the idea of the asari and krogan trying to kill one another.

Shepard paused outside the door to the Starboard Observation Lounge; she needed to think about what she wanted to say to the asari before she went in there. She wanted to not only make sure things were alright between the two of them, but also talk Samara out of the idea of going back to Tuchanka if it were at all possible. She was still standing there over a minute later when the door in front of her opened, startling her into looking sharply up from her abstracted staring at the floor. Samara stood in the opening looking back at her, slightly bemusement apparent on her regal features.

“Shepard,” the asari tilted her head inquiringly, “did you wish to speak to me?”

“Umm…yes.” She actually wasn’t ready yet, but she was hardly going to admit that, she had no doubt she looked silly enough already.

The justicar nodded, “If you would give me a few minutes.”

Shepard looked at her puzzled and then realized what the asari meant, “Oh, of course,” she said, embarrassed as she hastily stepped out of the way so that Samara could pass by her. Space aboard any ship was limited, thus only Amanda and Miranda actually had their own shower and toilets inside their quarters. The remainder of the crew used the general female or male shower facilities and restrooms on this level. Thankfully, no one passed by or noticed her as Shepard waited outside the Observation Room for Samara to return; doubtless they would have stared at her curiously wondering what she was doing just standing there. When the asari stepped back out into the hallway, she motioned for Samara to go first and then followed her into the Observation Room.

When the justicar reached the spot where she usually sat to meditate, the asari turned to face Shepard, “I suspect you wish to discuss my comment earlier today about the pitting living beings against one another for the entertainment.” Shepard nodded, but before she could respond Samara continued, her tone turning sterner, “The code is quite clear upon this subject, such a thing is unjust and those engaging in it must be punished.”

Amanda merely nodded her agreement once again; she did understand that, “Actually I wanted to apologize for my earlier reaction. I do understand that your Code requires you to condemn such behavior.”

“Even before I was a Justicar, I would have condemned such a thing,” Samara immediately countered.

“It is barbaric and they shouldn’t do it,” Shepard readily agreed. “But I’ll be truthful here; I would feel more strongly about it if it were a species other than varren. One which needed a bit more goading to fight each other than just their owner’s permission to attack.” That was true; she’d have already had a serious discussion with Wrex if his clan had been pit fighting dogs from Earth. Varren however were barely domesticated and would readily attack and kill anyone or anything they hadn’t been raised to recognize as members of their pack. Light grey eyes met pale blue as human and asari stared at one another. Samara didn’t look particularly pleased by Amanda’s statement, but she did incline her head in acknowledgement of it. Shepard drew in a breath, that was the easy part over, what she had to say next probably wouldn’t be as well received. “I was more bothered by the fact that Wrex would be forced to fight you if you attacked Clan Urdnot, and then one of the other of you would be dead, if not both of you.”

Samara straightened, her posture stiffening, “You object because you fear for the life of your friend?”

Shepard had expected the justicar to disapprove of her initial statement and had her response ready, “More than that,” she replied. Before she could say anything more however, the door to the Observation Lounge opened revealing an angry looking Grunt.

The young krogan stomped into the room, "Shepard," the young male said as soon as he crossed the threshold, "You have the cure for the genophage?"

This scenario Shepard hadn’t expected, and it took her a moment to decide how to reply. “No,” she responded briefly meeting his determined gaze, “I have research data on a possible genophage cure, but it’s still a ways from being completed.” Samara, who was standing behind Grunt, glanced sharply over toward her. The justicar was undoubtedly wondering why she was making such an admission.

“Is the salarian working on it?” Grunt sounded and looked as if he were just as wary of that idea as eager. Considering what Mordin had worked on in the past, Shepard grimly thought to herself, the young krogan had more reason to be distrustful of that idea than he would hopefully ever know.

“Mordin’s still working on the Collector data we’ve gathered,” Shepard responded to his question before turning and walking over to the observation window. She looked down upon the swirling shroud maintained by the battle stations in orbit around the planet below. She turned her head far enough so that her face was in profile to the young krogan standing behind her, “And I fear that curing the genophage would start a chain of events that would end with the final demise of the Krogan race.”

Out of the corner of her eye she saw the confused expression that crossed his face. “Curing the genophage would save the krogan,” he argued.

Shepard didn’t reply to that, she suspected that it would do her little good to dispute his statement before she explained her thinking. “Come here and tell me what you see Grunt,” she indicated the view in front of her.

He strode over, his every stride betraying his rising agitation with her. “I see Tuchanka, the home planet of the Krogan,” he replied impatiently.

She suppressed a sigh at his answer, “What you do see between us and the planet." She would swear he was being deliberately obtuse.

"Battle stations and the shroud," he responded curtly as he gave her an irritated glance.

Finally, Shepard thought, "And the shroud’s purpose?"

He frowned as he turned back to look out the observation window, "To make part of Tuchanka habitable."

"What is given can also be taken away," she said softly. She activated her communications node in her omni tool, "EDI."

The A.I.'s holographic representation popped up next to the door, "Yes commander?"

"What would happen on Tuchanka if the CDEM Battlestations stopped powering the shroud?" Samara's gaze sharpened briefly upon her before the justicar turned to gaze out the window as well, a slight frown creasing the asari's brow. Evidently Samara had not considered this possibility before either. Shepard grimaced; that meant that out of the three of them she had been the only one to consider the shroud’s possible tactical value in the case of a second Krogan uprising.

"That would be catastrophic for the krogan living there," EDI replied. "The nuclear wars the Krogan carried out against one another four thousand ago left the planet barely habitable. The extensive damage caused by the bombardment of the planet’s surface by the Turian Hierarchy at the end of the Krogan Rebellions further damaged the planets already fragile ecosystem and albedo. The shroud is now necessary for continued habitation of the planet." The A.I.’s response to her question was short and to the point, she could see from Samara and Grunt’s expressions that they now understood just how dependent the two billion krogan living on the planet’s surface were on the shroud that the CDEM maintained.

“Do you know of any other worlds with any population of fertile krogan females?” Shepard asked EDI next, wanting to make it very clear to Grunt what the krogan would be risking by provoking the Council into making such a decision.

“No Commander,” Normandy’s A.I. responded, “both extranet and Cerberus data sources indicate that all krogan females currently reside on Tuchanka.” There was a moment’s pause before EDI added, “If the CDEM ceased powering the shroud then the effective result would be the genocide of the krogan race unless the krogan females were evacuated and resettled elsewhere.”

Grunt’s hands clenched into fists as he stared out the window and then the young krogan whirled around to face her, “Then the krogan must take the battle stations, ensure that the Citadel’s forces cannot do that to us.”

Shepard stared at him nonplused, not really having expected this response. After a moment she replied, “I suspect those battlestations wouldn’t be very easy to take over. They’re in perfect position to prevent ships from both leaving and reinforcing Tuchanka and the main bulk of the Citadel fleet is within one or two relays away from here, meaning that they can easily reinforce the CDEM’s forces if needed.” Before Grunt could argue the krogan’s ability to take over the stations despite the forces arrayed against them, she continued, “And even if you could defeat the CDEM forces on them and the Citadel forces didn’t come in and take them back, how would the krogan maintain several battlestations? You saw the state of things down there, the krogan barely have the skilled personnel necessary to maintain what technology remains on the planet’s surface.”

“We…” Grunt began fiercely and then abruptly fell silent an expression of frustration crossing his face as he turned to stare out the observation window. He abruptly swung back around to face her, “We have to do something,” he protested, “You saw how it was on Tuchanka.” He flung out his arms, “The krogan used to be a mighty race, feared by our enemies…” His arms dropped to his sides and his blue eyes focused on her, “And now because of the genophage we are only focused on our survival.”

“You’re right,” Shepard agreed, meeting his angry gaze unwaveringly, “and Wrex is doing something about that. But the answer, as much as I wish it was not so, is not to cure the genophage. Not right now. Not when doing so has such a high chance of provoking the Council into doing something drastic in response.” He didn’t look as if that answer satisfied him, and honestly Amanda would have been surprised it if had. “Trust in your Clanleader Grunt,” she advised him. “Wrex is smart, forward thinking and has the best interests of the krogan race at heart; he knows what he is doing.”

“Why do you say that?” He stared at her, his gaze intense as he waited for her answer. His manner and the tenseness of his body betrayed how important her reply was to him.

He wanted to be persuaded that she and Wrex knew what they were doing, Shepard realized, that would make convincing him to let this go for now so much easier. “Wrex knew that Maelon wanted to work on curing the genophage, because Maelon came to Urdnot first, only Wrex refused to support Maelon’s research when he found out that the salarian wanted to use human captives and infertile krogan females as research subjects.” She brought up those two facts first, knowing that they would make the most impact. “Wrex was the one who told us where Maelon was located. He either knew or guessed that Weyrloc Guld was planning to cure only his Clan of the genophage and then use Clan Weyrloc’s superior numbers to destroy all the other Clans.” Grunt now looked more thoughtful than angry, something Shepard was pleased to see, it meant he was listening and thinking about what she was telling him. “I suspect that it would be political suicide for Wrex and Clan Urdnot to stop research on a genophage cure. When I asked about Maelon, Wrex must have seen the perfect opportunity to stop Clan Weyrloc from succeeding in their plans…by sending us.” She paused for just a moment to let that sink into Grunt’s mind before making her final arguments, “Our actions today removed a threat to Urdnot and made their position on Tuchanka stronger. If that isn’t enough proof for you that Wrex understands that curing the genophage isn’t the right answer for the krogan at this time, then consider that he knew where we had been, he knew we had Maelon with us, and still he let us proceed unhindered through the length of the Urdnot Clan compound and take Maelon with us back to the Normandy.”

“He let you take the salarian,” Grunt repeated, sounding somewhat incredulous. “He knew you had the information on the cure?”

“Wrex has been on enough missions with me to know that I wouldn’t have destroyed that data,” Shepard replied firmly. Now she was exaggerating, Wrex probably hadn’t known whether she had kept the data or judged it too dangerous, but she didn’t need share that particular fact with her young krogan crewmember.

Grunt twisted his upper body to look out the observation window, “Does he know that the shroud could be used as a weapon against the krogan?”

Shepard snorted and crossed her arms over her chest, drawing the young krogan’s attention back to her. “Wrex is a canny and intelligent fighter as well as being a very good tactician,” she responded dryly. “Honestly, I would be surprised and disappointed in him if he hasn’t thought about it.” Grunt didn’t say anything in response; instead he stared at her for a long moment and then turned again to look out the observation window.

Shepard gazed at the young krogan; he looked lost in thought and more than a little uncertain. This wasn’t the type of problem that hitting it hard and killing it would work as a solution and Grunt didn’t appear to know quite how to deal with that realization. “Wrex once told me that the genophage was only part of what was killing the Krogan,” she shared, causing her young krogan crewmember to turn back around and focus his full attention on her. “The other part was themselves and the fact that almost all krogan would rather hire out as mercenaries and fight than do what was needed to rebuild the Krogan race. Wrex is trying to change that, to get your people to care once again about their race and about being more than they are now. Change like that won’t happen overnight. It may even take a few decades or centuries to happen, but I have faith that if anyone can do it Wrex can do it.”

Grunt nodded slowly, “I will think about what you have told me battlemaster.”

“That’s all that I ask,” Shepard responded solemnly, inside she was quite frankly relieved that things had ended this way. She knew that it could have gone so much worse and was glad that Grunt had barged in on her and Samara instead of her and nearly anyone else. The asari had remained silent and let her handle the confrontation instead of jumping in and perhaps worsening the situation.

“Commander,” EDI’s electronic voice drew all their attention to the console near the door where EDI’s blue globe representation had just formed, “I have received several messages from Clan Urdnot. Your actions on Tuchanka seem to have caught the attention of the female Clans allied with Urdnot. Urdnot Grunt has received four breeding requests.” Grunt just stared at the holographic globe, his expression showing his surprise at this unexpected turn of events. Shepard smirked in amusement at him, before she could say anything however, EDI continued, “I also received one breeding request for you Commander.”

Amanda’s mind went completely blank… “What?”

“Ha!” Grunt barked out a laugh at her.

“Krogan females admire strong warriors,” Samara commented, drawing Shepard’s attention. To her surprise she noticed that the justicar’s countenance, though still serene, nonetheless conveyed a distinct air of amusement. “In killing both the Harvester and Thresher Maw you seem to have won yourself an admirer among them Shepard.”

Amanda felt her jaw drop a little at the realization that Samara was unbending enough to tease her. That was the second time the asari had joked with her today, she was setting a record. “Since you seem to know more about this than I do, maybe you can help me with drafting a polite rejection of the offer,” she retorted with an amused smile before turning her head to look back at the blue globe, “Thank you for the messages EDI.”

“You are welcome Commander. Signing you out,” the A.I. responded before ending the communication.

As the blue holographic globe disappeared, Shepard looked back over at her two crewmembers. Samara was still watching her, a slight smile gracing her lips. The asari inclined her head to Shepard, “If you were serious about your request, I will be pleased to assist you.” The justicar’s expression turned more solemn, “Also, you should know that you have made your case to me.” The slight smile returned to the asari’s plum colored lips, “Quite well, in fact,” she added, her tone complimentary. “For as long as the circumstances which you described remain, I will not return to Tuchanka unless it is by your side.” Grunt looked back and forth between them confused, but Amanda knew exactly what Samara was telling her and was relieved at it.

 

**Normandy - Captain’s Cabin - en route to the Citadel, near midnight**

**Dreams**

Four touch lamps, their light settings turned down, softly illuminated the room. The flickering flames of the fire in massive fireplace, which dominated one wall, further lit the scene. Thick dark blue carpet covered the floor, rich cream-colored fleur-de-lis embossed wallpaper with dark cherry wainscot the walls. The room was relatively empty except for the executive desk and chair placed in one corner, and the leather armchair with accompanying end table next to the fireplace. There was one other piece of furniture in the room, if that’s what it could be called, a slanting beam from floor to ceiling with thick padded cushions at various heights along its length. At its base was another beam, about four feet in length, which was bolted to the floor. It would have been relatively innocuous seeming, if strange, piece of architecture if it hadn’t been for the black leather cuffs fastened mid-length along the length of the beam and near the ends of the short beam at its base.

“Undress for me Amanda,” Leonora’s voice was low toned, sensual, and undeniably commanding.

Her light grey eyes locking with the older woman’s dark ones Amanda complied, raising her hands and beginning with the top button of her shirt. Leonora leaned back in her armchair, the warm cream color of the dyed leather emphasizing the dark red of her shirt. The older woman’s legs were crossed, and she held a glass of burgundy hued wine in her right hand. As Amanda was watching, she lifted the glass to her lips and sipped a small amount of wine from it with an expression of appreciation before placing upon the end table beside her chair.

Amanda kept her movements slow and steady as she unbuttoned each button in turn until the last and then with a shrug let it slip from her shoulders and fall to the floor. This was hardly the first time she had undressed in front of someone else, but usually they were either doing the same or would be shortly. Leonora’s unwavering gaze and manner offered her no respite from the knowledge that she was disrobing at this woman’s command and for this woman’s pleasure.

She stepped out of her shoes, unbuttoned her black jeans and then pushed them downward exposing royal blue silk panties. Amanda understood this was all part of setting the scene, that didn’t stop her from feeling a confusing mixture of nervousness and anticipation. She was twenty years old, she had been with a few women since becoming sexually active a few years earlier, but she had never been involved in any type of sexual domination scene before now. In truth, she had never even considered it before meeting Mistress Leonora. While she didn’t know exactly what was going to happen tonight, the idea of being bound to that post, of being helpless while Leonora touched her as the dominatrix wished made her feel excited, aroused…and slightly fearful. What if she liked this too much? What would that mean for her and for her future?

She slipped her legs out of her jeans and then let them drop to the floor with her shirt, now she was clad only her matching panties and bra. She hesitated; now that it came down to it she was feeling oddly shy about removing her two last pieces of clothing. Leonora didn’t move from her chair, the dominatrix merely continued watching her, waiting with apparent patience as the younger woman gathered her courage. Amanda lifted her chin, met the older woman’s dark eyes and reached up behind her, undoing the clasp of her bra.

Moments later the two royal blue bra and panties joined the rest of her clothing on the floor. Amanda forced herself to stand there without trying to hide herself, knowing that the effort would look rather silly to the older woman. It wasn’t as if she wasn’t doing this of her own free will. Leonora had made it quite clear that she had no interest playing ‘unwilling submissive’ games. While other dominants might relish the challenge and opportunity to prove their ability to bend their submissive to their will, Leonora did not, she expected all her submissive’s to be willing and ready to obey her. To Amanda, the knowledge that Leonora would never force her in any way to do something she did not want to do was reassuring and the primary reason she felt safe enough to allow what was happening tonight to happen. She was here because she wanted Leonora to do this. She would not act as if she were some reluctant maiden.

Leonora rose from the armchair and approached her, “Stand still and let me appreciate you,” the dominatrix instructed her. The older woman walked slowly around Amanda, making no effort to hide the fact that she was appraising the younger woman’s nude body. Leonora paused beside her, reaching up and placing her hand on Amanda’s shoulder. She trailed her fingers across Amanda’s collarbone to the center of her chest before tracing downward between her breasts.

Amanda was more than aware that her body was reacting in a very visible manner to the light caress and that the older woman had most certainly noticed it.

“You have a beautiful body,” Leonora said softly as her hand trailed further downward and across Amanda’s bare stomach, pausing for a moment as the muscles underneath clenched in reaction. “I can tell you work hard to keep it in this condition. You should be proud of it.”

“Thank you Mistress,” Amanda responded softly. The praise did make her feel a little more confident. She had expected to feel the power inequity between them; bondage and dominance/submission were about that after all. She just hadn’t expected it to feel so different from anything she had experienced before, or herself to feel so unsure.

Leonora’s hand came to a halt on Amanda’s waist, and she pulled the younger woman closer to her. Amanda looked up at her surprised by the action. That was what Leonora had wanted; she bent her head and claimed the younger woman’s lips with her own. For a second Amanda didn’t react and then she relaxed and leaned into the kiss, bringing around her free arm to hold the other woman. She was surprised when Leonora pulled away from the kiss at her touch.

“I did not invite you to touch me,” the older woman said, her voice firm but not unkind.

Amanda flushed, “Sorry Mistress,” she apologized as she let her hand drop back to her side.

Leonora’s fingers stroked along her side, “Do not try and rush things, you can say volumes to a lover or potential lover by how you kiss. Stop thinking about what may come next and focus on the sensations of the moment.” The older woman bent her head again and when their lips met Amanda tried to do as she asked. She kept her hands to her sides and attempted to focus her thoughts only on how Leonora’s lips felt as they brushed and then pressed more firmly against her own. Time passed as they kissed, their mouths opened to one another, their tongues met and caressed against each other. Amanda moaned as Leonora tilted her head a little more and deepened the kiss, the older woman’s arm around her tightening, pulling her closer. It felt as if Leonora was claiming her with her kiss. When the older woman pulled away once again, Amanda couldn’t tell exactly how much time had passed.

“Very good,” Leonora said her voice slightly husky. Feeling a bit dazed and very aroused, Amanda certainly agreed. “Move over to the desk.” The command surprised Amanda; she had been expecting Leonora to direct her to the beam in the middle of the room.

Amanda dipped her head, “Mistress,” she acknowledged the command and pulled away from the older woman’s body to obey. She stopped in front of the desk, there was only one object resting upon it and her eyes widened as soon as she saw it. Made of thick black dyed leather, it was two and a half inches wide and perhaps fifteen inches long.

“Some dominants prefer specialized furniture for their submissive's to rest upon while being paddled,” Leonora said as she came up beside her. “I prefer this,” she reached out trailing her fingers over the glossy surface of the wood. “It’s become a very potent symbol of authority in our culture hasn’t it?”

“Yes Mistress,” Amanda agreed thinking more of the symbolism of the leather paddle placed so prominently to one side of the desk’s surface than the symbolism of the desk itself.

Her rising uncertainty must have been obvious in her voice because Leonora turned toward her to say, “When done correctly being paddled is something many submissive’s enjoy. If after a few strokes you truly do not like it, we will move onto something else.”

Amanda stared into the older woman’s dark brown eyes for a few seconds, taking in the calm steadiness of the older woman’s gaze. Slowly she nodded her head, “Yes Mistress,” she acquiesced.

That won her a brief approving smile before Leonora gestured toward the desk. “Bend over the desk and rest the full weight of your upper body upon it.” Drawing in a short breath and stiffing her back Amanda moved up to the desk. She rested her hands upon it before bending forward and resting her upper body upon its cool, hard surface. No sooner had she done this than Leonora said, “Spread your legs about two feet apart.”

Amanda froze, heat rushing to her face. As aroused she already was, there was no way the older woman would not notice her current state. She bowed her head and then reluctantly did as the older woman asked, sliding her feet slightly further apart and then waited with an inhaled breath for some comment to be made. Leonora said nothing however; instead she felt a hand on her back. She opened her eyes and glanced behind her with mixed wariness and curiosity.

“Grip the edge of the desk and hold still,” the older woman directed her and with widening eyes she obeyed.

The first stroke fell, low on her buttocks and unsettlingly close to very tender flesh. Amanda gasped, both at the shock of it and the heated stinging pain resulting from it. Her gasp was followed by a sharp, surprised inhale as the sensation seemed to slowly migrate inward, settling deep within her sex where it transformed into a sensation of heat and pleasure. Before she could even fully absorb that disconcerting fact the second blow fell a little above the first, this time the sensation wasn’t as intense, but it was still undeniably there.

Leonora said, “As a dominant, I think less of defining things as painful or pleasant and more about defining them as being strong or mild sensations.”

The unexpected lecture momentarily distracted Amanda from the heated sensations in her backside. That didn’t last; as two more precisely placed blows from the leather paddle fell in quick succession, higher again on the same side. The pain from them was sharp for a moment, causing Amanda to grip the desk harder, and then it settled into still heated but duller throbbing that seemed to echo deep inside, notching up her level of arousal.

“For most people,” Leonora spoke again, “strong sensation over thick muscle is interpreted as pleasant, that is even more likely to be true when they are sexually aroused.”

It was almost like being in class with the professor lecturing as they demonstrated, Amanda thought distractedly just before the next two strikes of the paddle. She drew in a pained breath; those had been on the opposite cheek of her buttocks extending the area that stung with a heated pain.

“Bending over tightens the muscle over the bone, that increases the amount of sensation you feel. It also allows me to use lighter strokes than I would if you were standing upright.”

The next two strikes of the paddle ended with the last one almost opposite of the first. Amanda gasped at the fiery pain the paddle left behind and then her hands clenched the edge of the desk tighter as that pain transformed into heat and need, building upon the sensations she was already experiencing.

“The lower and inner buttocks are particularly sensitive, and sensation there is highly likely to be felt as pleasurable.”

No kidding, Amanda thought to herself and then gasped in pain and reared up a little off the desk as two more quick strikes fell, this time lower than the previous strikes and on each cheek of her rear. She gritted her teeth together as the pain seemed to travel inward to her core and once again morphed into something else entirely. She rested her forehead upon the desk; never would she have thought she would feel this way. Her entire ass felt like it was on fire from the paddling, it hurt, and yet that hurt radiated downward and inward and transformed into an intense aching sexual need the likes of which she had never experienced before. She was terribly aware of how aroused she was and how she was literally aching for Leonora’s touch.

“An interesting side-effect of being paddled is that it makes the skin extremely sensitive,” cool fingertips trailed up each burning cheek of her rear. Amanda arched her back in reaction seeking after more such contact and whimpered. It was a raw, pleading sound of want and desire, and one that she couldn’t stop herself from making. In the next moment the older woman seized each burning and sensitive cheek and squeezed firmly. Amanda drew in a pained shocked gasp and tried to pull away, for the first half second it hurt as badly as if the dominatrix had struck her once again and then she clenched her legs together as a powerful heated throbbing sensation settled into her nether regions.

“Mild sensation and strong sensation,” Leonora said as she released her painful grip and once again began stroking the sensitive and still painful flesh underneath her hands with a gentle touch. The abrupt change in sensation from painful to almost painfully arousing wrenched a barely muted groan from Amanda. “We are taught that one feels either pain or pleasure, but sometimes the two sensations are not so easily separated.” The gently stroking ceased as the dominatrix stepped away from her. “Do you feel that you now have a better understanding of this?”

It took Amanda a second to realize that the other woman expected a response, “Yes Mistress, I do.” It was hard to think right now, she desperately wanted Leonora to touch her again, to take her from behind, thrust into her with her hand or a dildo. Deep, slow, forceful…and yes, dominating. The images in her mind… the way she wanted Leonora to take her… Amanda shuddered; she had never expected herself to respond so strongly.

“Stand back up and move over to the beam,” the older woman ordered.

Leonora’s command caught Amanda by surprise; the older woman had to know how much Amanda needed her. “Leonora…,” she shook her head at the mistake, “Mistress, please I need you,” she twisted around to look at the dark haired woman, surely she wouldn’t be denied.

“No you don’t,” Leonora stated as their gazes locked, “not yet, but you will.” That was a promise Amanda realized with shock. “Now, move over to the beam,” the tone was pure command.

Amanda stared into the other woman’s dark eyes and realized with growing dismay that the older woman meant it. Feeling slightly resentful and confused she pushed herself off the desk and turned to look at the beam in the center of the room. She could of course end this with just a word, but she didn’t want to do that and the aching need in her demanded that she not do anything to end this before it was satisfied, even if that meant waiting. “Yes, Mistress,” she said quietly as she dropped her eyes away from the older woman’s.

She crossed over to the beam, pausing in front of for a few seconds to take a long look at its padded surface and the restraints fastened to it before turning and leaning back against it. The slant of the beam meant that she was leaning slightly backward, part of her weigh supported by the padding she was now resting against. Her gaze returned to Leonora, the older woman was staring at her intently, her gaze moving slowly over her body. Their eyes met and Amanda’s breath caught in her throat at the heated look in the other woman’s dark brown eyes. They stared at each other for a moment and then Leonora turned and strode over to the desk opening a drawer and pulling something out, when she returned Amanda realized she was holding a blindfold in her hands.

“Close your eyes,” the older woman directed her.

Amanda drew in a breath and, with one last searching look into the dark eyes of the woman she had agreed to let be her Mistress tonight, obeyed. After the blindfold was fastened firmly behind her head, she felt a gentle touch on her cheek. Leonora’s fingers stroked lightly over her skin, leaving behind a tail of warmth and awoken nerve endings. It was reassuring. Amanda opened her eyes, but could see nothing; the soft fabric over them prevented her from seeing even a sliver of light.

“Raise your arms,” that command provoked a strong flutter of nervousness in her stomach. Still she raised her arms, letting the other woman guide them to the waiting cuffs. Once these would have been secured with buckles, now self-adhesive fasteners provided a quicker, more adjustable, and safer method. Amanda felt Leonora check how tight the cuffs were; briefly inserting her fingers between the material and Amanda's skin to make sure they weren’t too tight. Seconds later hands guided her feet and then cuffs were wrapped around her ankles, fastening her legs securely to the cross beam fastened to the floor. Her breathing picked up and she tensed, fighting against the impulse to test her restraints. She had seen enough to know that she was well and truly bound now and without Leonora’s aid would not be able to get free.

“Like this you are vulnerable, naked, and completely open to my touch.” Amanda felt Leonora’s hand rest upon her chest, “Your heart is beating quicker, you are aroused but you are also alert, aware and a little on edge by the situation you have placed yourself within.” Well that was pretty accurate, Amanda thought to herself. “Do you feel truly unsafe Amanda, or merely vulnerable?” Leonora asked, her tone soft and reassuring.

It had its intended effect, Amanda calmed, “Vulnerable, Mistress.”

“Good, your trust is important to me,” the older woman replied easing Amanda’s nebulous fears even further. “I will never knowingly abuse it. Relax and allow yourself to focus on your senses. You are in no danger here.” Leonora knew of her past, knew some of what had happened on Mindor. Enough to know that letting herself be tied up, to be helpless, wasn’t something that came easily to the younger woman.

Blindfolded, deprived of the sense of sight, Amanda focused on her other senses, straining to listen, feel or hear something that would tell her what would happen next. Seconds passed and then she felt Leonora’s body press against her and then warm lips covered her own. The contact felt good, reassuring, she breathed out though her nose in a sigh as she relaxed and parted her lips in surrender to the other woman. Deep and demanding, Leonora’s kisses soon had her forgetting her momentary fear and focusing once again on what the other woman was doing to her body.

Fingertips trailed down her neck, across her shoulders and then slowly down to her breasts where they circled in a caressing, teasing touch. Amanda arched her back, trying to increase the pressure, trying to show that she wanted more. She moaned in pleasure as Leonora seemed to understand, palming and cupping her breasts and grazing their crests with her fingers.

Fingers teased her nipples, captured them and then pressed with gradually increasing pressure. Amanda hissed in protest as the sensation become painful and the increasing pressure ceased. Leonora did not let go however, her fingers kept squeezing the flesh between them for another few painful heartbeats before relenting and releasing them. Amanda’s nipples throbbed, protesting their abuse, and then she gasped as a warm mouth descended upon one. Leonora’s began relentlessly attacking the sore bud, alternately between gently running her tongue over and around it in a soothing manner and then raking it almost harshly with her teeth.

Amanda had no idea how long a time passed before Leonora ceased her torment. It was long enough that her nipples felt raw and swollen when the other woman began sliding her mouth down her stomach and lower still. Amanda froze; half-believing that Leonora would stop before she reached the tender, aching flesh between her thighs.

Leonora did not. Amanda sucked in a breath as she felt the other woman gently spread her outer lips apart, exposing her intimate flesh to the dark haired woman’s gaze. Nothing happened for several seconds, making Amanda want to squirm in both embarrassment and arousal at the thought of Leonora staring at her, and then a warm mouth pressed against her sensitive flesh drawing a breathless cry from Amanda who could barely believe it was actually happening. Leonora’s tongue began moving in long slow strokes over her flesh. Amanda shuddered, moaned and began rocking her hips into the delicious contact. She was just starting to relax into the long soft strokes when, with an abrupt change of tempo, the other woman pressed her mouth down hard over her clit and began to mercilessly lash the sensitive nub with her tongue.

Amanda let out a gasping cry, and jerked, whether away from Leonora’s tongue or against it even she did not know. In either case, the choice was taken away from her as the other woman grasped her hips and held her still with a firm grip. Leonora began alternating between the long gentle strokes and the fiercer attention to her clit, back and forth, never settling on one long enough for either Amanda to get used to the gentle strokes or for the lashing of her clit to become truly painful. Amanda didn’t think she had ever been this aroused before, and she couldn’t help but whimper, moan and thrash in her bonds as the dominatrix both teased and tormented her.

The other woman pulled back, before Amanda could protest fingers drove into her in a sudden and unexpected movement, stretching and filling her. Amanda arched her back, her head slamming into the thick padding behind her head. After having needed, after having ached for this for so long, it was almost shocking to have her need fulfilled. She was so close, she could feel her inner muscles tightening, the tension in her body coiling, a few more strokes and… Amanda let out a harsh protesting cry as the fingers within her abruptly stilled.

“Do not come,” Leonora’s voice, her almost harsh tone, sliced through the sexual haze clouding Amanda’s mind. “You accepted me as your Mistress tonight, that means you will not come until I tell you to or I will be very displeased with you.” The other woman’s tone was stern, and there was the clear, if unspoken, threat that this might not happen again if the younger woman disobeyed.

Amanda clenched her teeth together on the protest she wanted to make, her body tautening as she fought to control it, to keep her body from doing what it so desperately wanted to do. She trembled in her bonds, she had asked her body to do many difficult things in her twenty years, but denying its own pleasure had never before been one of them.

Leonora’s mouth returned to her nipples as her fingers thrust and twisted and rubbed, mercilessly pleasuring the younger woman and making it clear the dominatrix had no intention of making her command easy to follow. Amanda gave up the fight to suppress her cries and moans; it was all she could do to prevent herself from losing control and coming.

“Please, please, please,” she was barely aware of the fact that she was chanting the words. Leonora’s fingers within her stilled once again, giving her a slight respite. She felt lips brush against her own and the younger woman whimpered at the teasing contact, her head straining her head toward it.

“No,” was whispered against her lips. The younger woman was so focused on the feel of the older woman’s lips so close to her own that it actually took a second for Amanda to realize that her plea had been denied.

Leonora’s fingers withdrew and then drove forcefully back into her. Amanda’s entire body tightened, she sobbed fighting feeling herself losing the battle against what her body so wanted to do…she made a wordless pleading cry. The blindfold was abruptly removed, Amanda blinked, momentarily disoriented from the unexpected action.

Leonora reached up, wove her hand through Amanda’s hair and then gripped it firmly. Amanda’s eyes opened to stare dazedly into the older woman’s. Their gazes locked, “Come for me Amanda,” Leonora commanded her as her fingers thrust deeply within the younger woman, twisted, and then pressed.

The orgasm began in Amanda’s core and then seemed to ripple upward and outward, an intense sensation of pleasure that seized and shook her and made the edges of her vision grey out. Throughout the older woman’s fingers inside her never ceased moving, thrusting, rubbing against the place inside her that drove her mad. She came as Leonora bid, over and over while the dominatrix’s dark commanding eyes were locked on her own, the other woman’s hand in her hair preventing her from turning away from the dark haired woman’s gaze. Watching, drinking in her reaction, her pleasure.

Finally the shudders rippling through her slowed and then ceased. The hand in her hair gentled, cupping her head now instead of holding it still. Leonora stepped closer, pressing her clothed body against Amanda’s naked one. The fingers within her withdrew and then cupped protectively over the still twitching and over stimulated flesh.

Amanda breathed in soft gasping breaths, dazed and shaken by what had just occurred. The older woman held her close, their cheeks touching. “Very, very nice,” Leonora whispered softly in her ear, “You are an absolute delight to touch and watch in your pleasure.”

Amanda turned her head slightly to increase the contact between them and closed her eyes. The other woman was still dressed and she was still bound and helpless. She hadn’t been allowed to touch her and Leonora had controlled everything, including the timing of her climax. She didn’t know what to think right now, though she had suspected she would enjoy it, she hadn’t thought she would react so strongly. This was by far the most intense sexual encounter she had ever had, and, oddly enough, seemed more intimate than many.

****

Amanda woke at the sound of her morning chime, the dream, or rather the recalled memory, clear within her mind. She hadn’t thought about her first experience with Mistress Leonora in awhile and the fact that it had surfaced now was probably due to her discussion with Miranda the other day. Amanda smiled wryly as she sat up and then rested her back against the headboard behind her. She had been so certain at twenty that she understood herself and her sexuality. Ah, the arrogant confidence of youth. Mistress Leonora must have been terribly amused by her the entire time the older woman had been skillfully seducing her into agreeing to be her submissive. She had been filled with sexual curiosity and overconfident in her ability to please a woman, making it ridiculously easy for Leonora to reel her in. She might have well as delivered herself gift wrapped and with a bow to the dominatrix.

After that night, fascinated both with the woman and with the intensity of sensation she could experience at her hands, Amanda had been the Mistress’ willing slave her remaining two years at the Academy and then whenever she had the time to visit the woman. She had taken a hiatus during the time she had been with Sharon and then gone back to Mistress Leonora after the relationship ended. Only her realization that she could not both be a Marine Officer and continue to be a part of the D/S scene had ended her willing submission to the older woman.

During her time with the dominatrix, Leonora had insisted that she learn how to master herself, explaining that a good submissive could not give their dominants control until they had it over themselves. Once Leonora was satisfied in her level of mastery over herself, the older woman had begun teaching her how to be a Mistress. In doing so, the older woman provided the answer to the question Amanda had first asked her. How to project an aura of command and sensuality, and taught her what she needed to know to do the same.

Shepard rose from the bed, passed by the fish tanks and went up the stairs. The idea that had just begun to percolate in her mind was probably foolish, and it was definitely an indulgence. She wasn’t even certain why she was thinking about it except for the fact that part of her was insisting that she go back and pull out parts of her past before deciding the shape of her future. She sat down at her desk, her gaze falling upon the drawer where she had placed Liara’s picture as she did so and felt an impulse to take it out and look at it.

‘I can’t, not again,’ Liara’s words during their last meeting ran though her mind.

Shepard shook her head and turned instead to her terminal. Tali had submitted a request for the ship to go into dry-dock to upgrade Normandy’s kinetic barriers with a Quarian developed technology she called Cyclonic Barriers. The upgrade would greatly increase the rate of oscillation of the ship’s kinetic obstructions, hopefully allowing them to stand up to the Collector ships fire. Tali estimated that the shield refits would take almost a week to complete and test. The work involved wasn’t that technically difficult, it was just extensive and some of the components they needed to replace were in difficult to get at places.

Shepard activated the terminal and began typing in a request for docking and repair facilities on Terra Nova. She had scanned midway down the list before she found the name of the company she had hoped to see, Crossroads Engineering, owner: James Thornton. Ten years ago she had known him better as Master Thornton, a close friend of her Mistress. He had been much more into the Dominant/Submissive lifestyle than Mistress Leonora, having two live in submissives. He had always treated them very well from what she had seen and the two women had appeared to be quite happy with the arrangement.

That had been his private life however, publicly he was known as an excellent engineer and his company was well respected in the Alliance shipbuilding industry. She hoped that both were still true because it would solve a delicate issue for her. Even though she had submitted the engineering request Tali was understandably reluctant to hand quarian developed technology over to Cerberus. As for Shepard, she would rather have the work done by someone she could trust to share the profits of further development of the technology with the Flotilla.

If the work was done on Terra Nova by Crossroads Engineering, Shepard had no doubt she could work something out with James Thornton and give the crew a week’s liberty at the same time. She knew that some of the Cerberus crewmembers had personal business they needed to take care of; a week’s leave would give them the chance they needed to take care of such things and get back to the ship. Given that she had been helping out everyone she had personally recruited to settle their outstanding business, it only seemed fair to give the Cerberus crew that chance as well.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By Kudara
> 
> Disclaimer: The Mass Effect universe is the property of Bioware/Electronic Arts. No infringement of these copyrights is intended as this is a not for profit fan fiction work.
> 
> Warning: Politics!
> 
> Notes: This is an Alternate Universe story, and is inspired by the Beyonce song “Save the Hero,” from the album I am…Sasha Fierce. The portrayal of Cerberus in my story is heavily influenced by the contents of the second and third Mass Effect books, Ascension and Retribution. The Prothean language I’m using is a mixture of Quenyanna and Sindarin, languages originally created by Tolkien.
> 
> Chapter Notes: How did I arrive at the causality numbers for the Krogan Rebellions? I looked at the combined civilian and military causality number for WWII which lasted four years and then multiplied them for a century long conflict that spanned multiple planets instead of only one. I gave the majority of that resulting number to the Krogan's because of the tactics the Codex describes them using at that time and then divided out the remaining number among the Citadel races.
> 
> Rating: Teen
> 
> Feedback: Always welcome, feedback is what encourages me to keep writing. Please let me know what you like and what you dislike about the story. Thank you to my beta readers on the Kudara.fiction yahoo group for their suggestions and feedback which lead to this being a much better chapter than it would have been otherwise.
> 
> Errors and Corrections: Yes, please let me know about any errors you see so that I can correct them. This is un-beta’ed so it probably has a few.
> 
> Revision History: 01/29/2011; 02/08/2011

**Normandy – Deck 5 Workout Area – enroute to the Citadel**

Shepard let the mass effect field she had just formed dissipate, a pained grimace twisting her lips. She closed her eyes and pressed her fingertips against her temples. This had begun as a mild headache, but the longer she had practiced her biotics the worse it had become. Now it was a constant hammering in her temples and the lights in the cargo bay suddenly seemed overly bright.

She felt a steadying hand on her back, “Shepard what is wrong?” Shepard instantly recognized Samara's familiar tones. The justicar had been in the cargo bay with her practicing what looked very much like martial arts katas, but were obviously asari in origin.

“Headache,” Amanda mumbled. Damn it, this almost seemed like one of those nasty migraines Kaidan used to get from his L2 implant, she thought to herself.

"Has this happened before?" the asari inquired, and Shepard could easily discern the undercurrent of concern in her voice.

"No, first time," she responded, not wanting the justicar to think she had been ignoring a potential problem.

"Your biotic amplifier is a prototype, is it not?" Samara noted thoughtfully.

Shepard frowned, that thought had occurred to her as well. She had explored a few more of Thalion’s memories last night before going to bed and found a more advanced biotic training exercise than the relatively simpler lift, throw, pull, repulse exercise she had learned previously. It involved blending two different mass effect field types, a mass lowering field or lift and then a mass effect field to either throw or pull it forcefully away or toward you. Since she had never attempted to create two distinctly different mass effect fields at the same time, much less blend them together, this required a higher level of concentration and mental focus from her than the previous exercise.

"It is,” she replied to the asari’s question, “and yes, I know I need to go see Dr. Chakwas about this.”

"That does seem wise," Samara agreed. The justicar's hand on Shepard's back urged the human forward, apparently they were going now and the asari was going to escort her. Instead of getting uptight about it as she had just over a week ago when Samara had pointed out she wasn't getting enough sleep, Shepard just bowed her head to hide the smile on her lips. It felt rather nice to know the asari cared enough to push the issue and make sure she got there.

***************

Shepard’s headache had begun to ease even before she had stepped into the Medical Bay with Samara trailing behind her and explained to Dr. Chakwas why she was there. Now, thirty minutes later and after a battery of tests, it was completely gone, making it seem even more likely that her headache had something to do with her biotics and amplifier. The doctor had suspected that as well, which was why the older woman had pulled the information from the VI program embedded in Shepard’s biotic amplifier on her mass effect field generation and usage.

Now, as Dr. Chakwas sat down in the chair opposite her with a data pad in her hand, it seemed as if the doctor might have some answers for Shepard. “What have you been trying to do with your biotics Commander?” the older woman asked her with an inquisitive look. “The readings I got of your amplifier indicate that it simply cannot keep up with the demands you are placing on it. Considering that’s a new experimental implant, I’m rather curious.”

Shepard just stared at the older woman sitting across from her for a moment; she had never considered that her biotic amplifier might not be capable of doing what she needed it to do to perform the biotic techniques she was learning from Thalion’s memories. “I was blending a mass effect lightening field with a pull field,” she replied. “I did manage to do it,” Shepard pointed out, “even if it did give me a headache.”

Dr. Chakwas nodded, “And you pushed your amplifier's programming and capabilities to its limit and a little beyond, which is why you developed a headache.” The doctor studied her for a moment before asking curiously, “What possessed you to try that? I’ve never even heard of a biotic attempting to do such a thing. Is it from your prothean memories?”

Shepard nodded, before she could reply however, Samara, who had been leaning against one of the examination tables while she listened to them, responded to the doctor’s question. “It is not unheard of among the asari; however, it does require advanced training to master the skill.”

The doctor turned to the justicar with a frown, “I’ve never heard of the asari using a specialized amplifier?”

Samara shook her head, “We do not, however asari are natural biotics. Our physiology is adapted to the manipulation of biotic energy, thus we do not require it.”

Dr. Chakwas’ gaze returned to Shepard, “The Protheans were natural biotics then?”

Shepard frowned. From the prothean memories she had found so far, biotics didn’t seem to have been as rare among the protheans as they were among humans, but were they all biotics like the asari? That she didn’t know. Her light grey eyes narrowed in thought as she searched her memories; surely there was something in either Thalion or Lindariel’s memories that would answer this question…..

 

Biomedical Engineer Haerion Vandhen pulled up the data from the last series of tests and began studying them. They were for a hundred and forty year old male prothean, Ainion Dlaralthir, who had just earned the title of Dragaran and had been accepted by the Ministry of Justice. The biomedical technician didn’t know what position the Dragaran had been accepted for, only that the authorization had come in from the Ministry for Ainion Dlaralthir to have his current amplifier, which was over a hundred years old, replaced with the latest military rated amplifier.

Unlike the amplifier Dragaran Dlaralthir currently used, the latest military rated amplifiers were designed to work in conjunction with a neural fiber and secondary amplifier node network. That was where Haerion’s expertise was required; it was his job to determine where the neural fibers and their associated secondary amplifier nodes needed to be surgically implanted within Dragaran Dlaralthir’s body so they would interact correctly with the eezo nodules spread throughout his nervous system. The neural fibers and amplifier nodes would improve the Dragaran’s dark energy generation as well as his control and ability to manipulate the mass effect fields he created with that dark energy. Haerion’s second task would be to fine tune the primary amplifier’s VI program and firmware as well as the firmware in the secondary amplifier nodes so that everything was specifically tuned to Dragaran Dlaralthir’s individual neural activity and physiology.

The prothean engineer frowned in concentration as he began entering the numbers from the latest tests into his formulas. He would use the results to lay out a basic pattern for the neural fibers and their associated nodes and then import that data into a simulation program to see how the configuration would actually behave within the body. The data from those simulation runs would be used to fine tune the placement of the neural fibers and nodes. At the end of the process, he would have the Dragaran’s optimal neural fiber network configuration to ensure the smoothest and most powerful dark energy production from the Dragaran’s eezo nodules and the most precise manipulation of his mass effect fields possible with the current technology. Combine that with the most advanced military grade primary amplifier, and Dragaran Dlaralthir and the Ministry of Justice should be quite pleased with the results.

Haerion transferred the data from the formulas to the simulation program and began running the data though various models. His attention was so focused on his work that he completely ignored the noise at first. It was only until it became quite insistent that he pulled his attention away from the stream of figures and looked in puzzlement around his office.

“Amanda Athene Shepard.”

Why was someone standing in the hallway calling out what sounded like a name? Haerion wondered, glancing impatiently back at his terminal with an annoyed frown. He wanted to get this done, there was a symphony at the Vanloth Amphitheater this evening and he was supposed to meet Dragasen Ahdasiniel Orval there. Strong lithe limbs, graceful controlled movements, mahogany brown smooth skin, dark intense eyes: just thinking about the female Dragasen evoked a veritable flurry of emotions within him, excitement, nervousness, anticipation, and yes, intense attraction. He could hardly believe that such an accomplished female warrior was interested in him, but she was the one who had invited him and he was not going to disappoint her by being late. In fact, he wanted to leave a little early so he could get ready for tonight. Shrugging, he twirled his chair back around to face his data terminal. Interruptions were not in his plans for today and doubtless whoever it was out there wasn’t looking for him.

“Amanda Athene Shepard.”

Haerion startled, his dolthond stiffening protectively around his neck as he whirled his chair back around to face the door. That sounded like a senior matron, and one that was beginning to sound rather annoyed. Perhaps he should find out who she was looking for and direct her to the right place to find them. Then she would go away and he could get back to work. He rose from the chair….

 

There was a moment of confusion, her mind caught between Haerion Vandhen’s thoughts and her own, before Amanda recognized Samara’s distinctive mental presence within her mind. They were in a meld? She had no sooner made that realization than the mental connection between her and the asari ended. Shepard opened her eyes and focused on the light blue face of the justicar which was just a few feet away. The asari was kneeling in front of her and holding her hands.

Their eyes met and Samara’s lips curved upward ever so slightly as she raised one brow. “Haerion was very intent on finishing his work,” the asari commented, a faint wry amusement apparent in her voice. The justicar released Shepard's hands and rose to stand beside Dr. Chakwas, who was watching them with a concerned and questioning expression.

Shepard blushed as she remembered how, trapped in Haerion’s memories, she had completely ignored the asari’s first few attempts to bring her back to herself. He had been very intent on getting his work done so that he could go home and prepare for his date that evening. Then her eyes widened as what had just happened sunk in, she had just found another set of prothean memories and she now knew the answer to Dr. Chakwas’s question as well as how the Protheans had overcome their natural limitations.

She looked up at the older woman, debating how much to say about the memory she had just found. She was wary of what might happen if the Illusive Man realized just how much prothean knowledge she had access to and potentially how much more was locked away in her mind. No matter how worried she was about that however, Shepard also knew she needed to get every edge she could against the Collectors…she needed to learn everything she could from Thalion’s memories and since she had already reached the limits of her current amplifier that meant she needed to recreate the one she had just seen in Haerion’s memories. Shepard knew she couldn’t engineer the amplifier by herself. She would need help making it, and then she would need Dr. Chakwas’ help to remove her current amplifier and put the new one in along with the neural fiber network and secondary amplifier nodes. She’d just have to worry about what the Illusive Man and Cerberus did with the information later.

Her decision made, Shepard confirmed, “The Protheans were natural biotics. They weren’t as powerful as the asari, nor did they have the same level of instinctive control over their biotics, but they made up for both with their amplifier technology,” she explained. “We’re just beginning to experiment with using programming built into the amplifier to measure and replicate neural activity so that the biotic can maintain a mass effect field with less effort, and to track neural activity so that the amplifier can anticipate what type of mass effect field the biotic wants to generate and assist so that it requires less mental focus. These technologies were mature among the Protheans and had been around for a few centuries during the time of the memory I just found.” Shepard went on to explain how the Protheans combined advanced firmware with an onboard VI in the primary amplifier to monitor and assist the biotic in creating and maintaining mass effect fields along with a neural fiber network and secondary amplifier nodes to supplement the biotics ability to generate dark energy from their eezo nodules and to finely control the mass effect fields generated from that dark energy.

As soon as she finished her explanation, Dr. Chakwas, looking rather concerned, pointed out, “As interesting as this neural fiber and amplifier node network sounds, there is a hard upper limit to how much dark energy a biotic can manipulate without physically damaging their nervous system. That varies by race, but from the readings I pulled off your amplifier a few days ago you came rather close to what I would consider a safe cut upper range for a human Commander.”

Shepard’s brow creased in thought, and then here eyes widened in realization, the Harvester it had to have been when she pushed its head up and over her. She was aware there was a hard upper limit to any race’s biotic power, but she hadn’t realized she had come close to her own at that moment of desperation. After a moment, she met the doctor’s green eyed gaze, “Then I won’t get as significant of a power boost from changing my amplifier, but it will allow me to have the same level of control over my mass effect fields as the Protheans had over theirs and that’s what I need.”

“Do you have the knowledge necessary to recreate these neural fibers and the amplifiers,” Samara inquired.

Shepard turned her head to look at the asari, “I believe so yes,” she responded. “I’ll search for more of Haerion's memories for thoroughness sake, but I think all I need to know is in that memory.”

The justicar inclined her head in acknowledgement, “If you wish to continue improving your biotics then it appears you will require a prothean amplifier.”

Shepard nodded, “That’s exactly what I was thinking.”

“A completely unknown biotic amplifier from an extinct race…” Dr. Chakwas objected, “You realize you’re going to have to extensively reconfigure it to work with human physiology?”

“The programming’s designed to be individualized to each user’s unique physiology. I don’t think it will be as hard as you think Doctor,” Shepard responded to the grey haired woman.

Though Dr. Chakwas didn't look particularly pleased by her response, the older woman said, “Then I guess we’d better get Ms. Lawson in on this, I understand she has extensive knowledge of your L5n amplifier.”

That surprised Shepard; she hadn’t known that Miranda had any specialized knowledge to contribute to the project. She nodded briefly in acknowledgement and then added, “I believe Tali and Mordin will be able to contribute as well.”

Samara shifted her weight, drawing Shepard’s attention to the asari. “If I am no longer needed,” the justicar said, “I will return to my meditations.”

Shepard shook her head, “No, and thank you for bringing me out of the memory Samara.” The justicar inclined her head in acknowledgement and then strode out of the Medical Bay. Shepard stared after her for a moment, admiring the asari’s upright carriage and graceful movement. Definitely a regal warrior, she thought to herself before turning back to the Doctor.

Dr. Chakwas waited for the door to close behind the asari before turning back to Shepard, “So Samara has been assisting you with finding these memories?”

Shepard let out a little sigh; she really hadn’t wanted anyone besides Garrus and Tali to know that particular fact. “It seemed safer to go looking for them rather than have them finding me,” she remarked dryly. “Plus this way she can bring me out of them before I start wandering around thinking I’m a prothean on a strange ship full of aliens who have kidnapped me and respond accordingly. I'd hate to hurt or kill someone because I didn't know they weren't a threat."

The doctor looked dismayed, “I hadn’t thought about that possibility,” the grey haired woman admitted.

“I did,” Shepard said on an exhaled breath, her expression grim.

Silence fell between them until Dr. Chakwas shook her head, drawing Shepard's attention. The older woman's expression shifted from serious to amused. Shepard gave her an inquisitive look, wondering what the Doctor was thinking. The grey haired doctor responded, “You realize most people would be very nervous about the idea of letting an asari Justicar into their minds? It says something very good about you Commander that you are not.”

The doctor’s remark surprised Shepard. “I’m no saint,” she demurred with a smirk, “but my indiscretions are more the type to earn me a look, a shake of the head and probably the thought ‘maidens’ from Samara rather than violating her Code.”

Chakwas's brows rose at that and then older woman laughed, “Ah, youth." Shepard just grinned and joined in with the older woman’s laughter.

 

**Normandy – Deck 3 Starboard Observation Lounge – enroute to the Citadel**

"Shepard," Samara greeted the human woman as she stepped into the room and the door behind her closed.

"There's something about the prothean amplifiers that I didn't mention to Dr. Chakwas," Shepard said without any preamble as she strode further into the room. She passed by the seated asari and stopped near the observation window before turning around. The mass effect field the justicar had been focusing upon dissipated as the asari looked up at her questioningly. "Their amplifiers allowed them to alter their natural biotic frequency and their aura’s, or _órë_,” she said the prothean term, “to either match, or be at a dissonance with another prothean’s. That's how they were able to create such strong mental barriers and stop others from melding with them unwillingly." Shepard frowned and then with a sigh admitted, "And why I now suspect my mental barriers aren't as strong as I thought they were."

Samara’s expression was of someone who had been given a satisfying answer as she unwrapped herself from her meditative pose and rose from the floor. The asari tilted her head slightly to the side and commented, "I had begun to wonder as we progressed in our lessons."

Shepard grimaced for a brief moment before nodding, “I should have caught on to it sooner. There had to be either a physical or technological reason why they were able to keep someone from melding with them after all. Turns out it was mostly technological, if you keep altering your bio-electric field by even a small amount you make it nearly impossible for someone to successfully meld with you.”

Samara inclined her head in the barest nod of agreement, her countenance thoughtful. She commented, “You stated earlier that the Protheans did not have the same level of instinctive control over their biotics as my race. Did that affect their ability to meld with one another?” the asari asked curiously.

The question took Shepard by surprise, and she frowned for a second before the answer came to her from several different memories. “It did,” she responded, still sorting though the bits of memory that had just made themselves known, “before they developed this type of amplifier they could only meld with other protheans whose bio-electrical fields were similar to their own.” She paused, her attention caught by something rather interesting within the memories. “Huh,” she uttered a sound of surprise at the information she had just found.

The justicar’s brow rose a little at the noise and she directed an inquisitive stare the human’s way.

Noticing it, Shepard began explaining, “Before the advent of this type of amplifiers, protheans had a limited range of other protheans with which they could meld. However, all melds were not created equal. If two protheans either had very similar bio-electric fields or fields that were within a specific harmonic range with one another, then they could meld more closely than normal…”

Shepard’s voice trailed off as a rather passionately evocative image passed though her mind along with some rather heated emotions. The image was of a long fingered prothean hand, Thalion’s. Two fingers delicately stroked the smooth inner surface of one of his wife’s dolthond’s, which were slender and yet strong, like the roots of the Orn tree, and arched tautly outward away from her neck in a perfect bow of arousal. Odd, Amanda though distractedly, she hadn’t realized Adaneassa was so beautiful before. In the next moment, her eyes opened wide as she realized what she was thinking.

By now Samara was staring at her with an expression that hinted rather strongly at the fact that the asari had a fairly good idea of what was going on within her mind.

For a long moment, Amanda could only stare back at her, knowing that she was blushing heavily. She coughed uneasily, “Err, well a more intense meld.” Damn they needed to get off this subject. “Anyway,” she said determined to get the conversation back on track and her mind away from those particular memories, “There was a lot of cultural emphasis on finding a mate whose aura was close to your own, it was believed to help strengthen the relationship and conversely if that wasn’t the case then it was believed that would eventually drive the two protheans apart.”

Samara stared at her for a moment longer, something flickered in her pale blue eyes and in that moment Shepard was very aware of the justicar's centuries of experience. “The ability to meld closely with a partner can help sustain a relationship," the asari stated, "but only if both also communicate with each other outside of those moments will it last.”

True enough, thought Shepard, her mind going instantly to Liara, intense bonding and wonderful sex had not guaranteed the survival of their relationship.

After a few seconds the asari spoke again, “Perhaps you should spend the time we have before our arrival at the Citadel in meditation.”

Shepard nodded, that sounded like a good idea to her. She rubbed her face as she exited Samara’s domain; maybe between a cold shower and some time spent in meditation she could clear her mind enough to deal with bureaucrats and politicians at the Citadel.

 

**Normandy - Serpent Nebula, Citadel approach**

Joker tapped the communications control on the amber hued haptic navigation interface in front of him, “Citadel Control this is SSV Normandy SR2 requesting permission to approach the Citadel.”

“Stand by for clearance Normandy,” the reply came back after a moment. Joker couldn't tell if it were a female human or asari who spoke. “Clearance granted, please proceed to Zakera Wards dock 34.”

“Negative on that docking berth Citadel Control,” Joker smirked, though he was careful to keep his tone respectful. “Spectre Shepard requests a suitable docking berth for the transfer of a high security prisoner over to the custody of Citadel Security.”

There was a pause of several seconds before the same feminine voice responded, “Understood Normandy, transferring you to Citadel Security for a docking assignment.”

Joker grimaced, “Roger Citadel Control, Normandy out.”

A few seconds later a new voice, male this time and human Joker thought instead of turian contacted them, “Transmitting docking coordinates for Citadel Security Dock 7, Normandy. Executor Pallin wishes to speak to Spectre Shepard before transferring your prisoner.”

“Understood, I’ll pass that message onto her,” Joker responded as he input in the course correction. He switched the communications channel over to Shepard’s personal code, “Ah Commander, Executor Pallin wants to speak with you before we transfer that salarian to them."

"Good," Shepard replied, “bring us in and await further orders. I’m not sure whether we will be staying at this dock after we complete the prisoner transfer or not.” Joker nodded, that sounded reasonable and he hadn’t been looking forward to traipsing through the middle of C-Sec every time he went out anyway. “Understood Commander,” he replied and cut the channel.

He still didn’t know what had gone down on Tuchanka and from the close lipped way the ground team for that last mission acted he guessed it was a good idea he didn’t, though he was curious about the salarian they brought back. This was the first time Shepard had taken someone prisoner. Whatever this guy had done, it was apparently something big enough that the Commander thought the Council would want to deal with him directly.

**********

Moments later, in the Normandy’s Captain’s Quarters.

“EDI, could you open a communications channel with Executor Pallin please,” Shepard requested as she finalized her report to the Council. As soon as they docked she would forward it to Councilor Anderson and the rest of the Council members.

The blue globe like representation of the A.I. activated by the doorway, “Establishing communications channel now, Commander.”

Pallin didn't even bother with a greeting before growling at her, “Spectre Shepard, you were reported as dead and now you show up here in a Cerberus ship, working with a known terrorist organization and wanting to dock at my facilities."

She was really getting tired of this particular refrain. “I was dead. That’s the problem with technology these days,” she said flatly. “You think your dead and then you wake up and someone tells you how many parts they had to replace to get you breathing again. As for the ship," she continued, her tone half deadly serious, half flippant, "The Council is perfectly aware of whose resources I'm using and, as they have no objections, I can only assume their getting a twisted a sense of enjoyment out of the thought of Cerberus footing the bill for this assignment." She leaned back in her chair, “I’ll have to say it is a rather inventive way of siphoning off money from them and actually getting something useful to the Council done at the same time.”

Silence from the other end of the connection was her reply.

Shepard smiled thinly, and added, “See, you’ve just been looking at it the wrong way.” She snapped into a more professional manner, “Now, about my prisoner transfer, I’d like to keep him in stasis until the Council decides what to do with him.”

It took a moment before Pallin replied, sounding wary, "An unusual request, may I ask why."

“He’s talkative and what he likes to talk about very few people need to know,” Shepard responded, her tone matter of fact.

"Hmm... Security level?" the turian asked.

Shepard crossed her arms as she considered the question. Citadel Security Classification Levels ran one though five, with one corresponding more or less to Alliance Confidential level information and Citadel level three to Alliance Top Secret. The levels above that simply limited the distribution of the information even more and then you had secondary designators that could limit the information to specific groups such as the Class five-C level she had assigned to the information she sent though Chief Williams which meant only the Council should have access to the information. More than just the Council though already knew about this situation; however the potential for damage if the information was made public was still high. "Class four."

"Class four," Executor Palin questioned, his voice heavy with doubt, "You're certain that's necessary?"

"Very," Shepard replied coolly thinking of all the headaches that could arise if it were generally known that the salarians had altered the genophage because the Krogan were adapting to it and how close this one salarian had come to curing it.

"Well, I won't be the one looking foolish when the classification level is lowered by Citadel Intelligence," he replied dismissively. "You haven't been around for very long Spectre Shepard, few things are that sensitive."

Shepard's eyes narrowed as she contemplated several angry retorts. It seemed that the turian had the same chip on his shoulder about humans that he had when she first met him. Then she drew in a calming breath reminding herself that someone who was easily angered rarely impressed anyone. "Class four, Executor," she repeated with cool firmness.

"Very well Spectre,” he sounded as if he were gritting his teeth. “We will be ready to transfer your prisoner to our medical unit in an hour.”

Shepard rolled her eyes at what she was sure was an excessive time, but all she said was, “Please have your medical unit coordinate the transfer with our Chief Medical Officer, Dr. Chakwas.”

 

**Citadel - Zakera Wards, Level 27 Docks**

As she had suspected, as soon as Maelon’s transfer over to C-Sec was complete Executor Pallin had requested that the Normandy relocate to their usual docking area on the Zakera Ward arm of the Citadel. Shepard didn’t protest as she suspected several of her crewmembers, Garrus being one of them, would prefer not to go through C-Sec Headquarters every time they left or came back to the ship anyway. Instead, she used the opportunity to transmit her report to the Council while they were docked at a secure location and then ordered Joker to move the ship.

Those events had all occurred about two hours ago. Currently, Shepard was standing near the C-Sec Customs entrance; she had a sabotage, infiltration and extraction specialist to recruit. The instructions the Illusive Man had passed on instructed her to pick up a message with further instructions at the advertisement terminal in this area. Fortunately there was only one such terminal located here.

"Commander Shepard," the image of a hooded woman appeared on the terminals surface as she approached, "Enter the password and receive a free gift."

Shepard's eyebrow rose at this and she immediately began scanning the area. It was possible this was just a stored message encoded to her identity, but it seemed just as likely that she was being watched. No one looked in the immediate area looked as if they were watching her however, which either meant they weren’t or they were a skilled spy. Her gaze rose and her eyes narrowed as she noticed the catwalks running above.

“Got problems with Collectors?” The last word definitely got Shepard’s attention; she glanced sharply back over at the advertisement terminal. “Try Kasumi’s credit services!”

She tilted her head and looked upward at the catwalks once again, if she wanted to remain unseen while scouting out a locale that would be where she would position herself. It had a clear line of sight and an easy route out of the area if needed.

“Commander Shepard we have the finest companions waiting for you. Perhaps something petite, smart, and Japanese would be your style?”

Shepard smirked in amusement; she might actually like this woman, thief or not. There…her eyes sharpened as she finally spotted what she had been looking for - a slightly blurred spot against the background. She stared at the blurred shape long enough to make sure the thief knew she had been spotted before turning and walking over to the terminal.

“Please tell me your password Commander Shepard,” the image on the terminal said politely.

The Spectre crossed her arms over her chest as she replied, “Silence is golden.”

“Good to finally meet you Commander Shepard. Kasumi Goto. I’m a fan.”

Shepard’s brow raised, “Nice to know,” she replied politely. Her gaze took in the area, humans, asari, a hanar; this was not the place to have an extended conversation about the mission. “I suggest we take the rest of this conversation to a more private location.”

“Hmm…probably a good idea,” the thief agreed. “Plus you look pretty silly standing there talking to an advertisement. Shall I meet you onboard the ship then?”

And that was another reason to avoid having an extended conversation in this location Shepard thought to herself sourly, certain people already thought she was crazy. “Sounds good to me,” she responded, “how long do you think you will need to settle in?”

“Not long,” Kasumi replied airily, “I travel light…I’ve already slipped my things aboard your ship.”

Shepard couldn’t help glancing out the large observation windows to her right where she could see the Normandy. They had docked here a little over two hours ago; this woman was quick and impressive if what she were saying was true. It also indicated that she needed to review the ship’s security procedures with Miranda, maybe even see if Garrus and Thane had any helpful suggestions. “Unless something comes up,” she said, “I’ll see you in an hour.” That should give the Japanese woman time to settle and for her to get a few things done as well.

“I’ll see you on the ship,” Kasumi replied. The image of the hooded woman disappeared from the terminal’s surface and then the entire terminal started descending into the floor.

Shepard turned towards the Customs entrance. When she had been here before, she hadn’t taken the time to peruse the various shops. After being denied any aid by the Council except for having her Spectre status reinstated, she had just wanted to leave as soon as Gardner’s food supplies were onboard. She was determined there was not going to be a repeat of that situation this time. If the Council wanted to speak with her about what had happened on Tuchanka, she would remain in control of herself no matter what provocation a certain turian Councilor, or any other Councilor for that matter, offered. In furtherance of that resolution, she had already announced that they would be docked at the Citadel for at least forty-eight hours. That would give everyone time to get some shopping done, go to the bars and drink, in general relax a little before they headed out again. No matter what happened with the Council now, they would not be leaving immediately short of an emergency situation.

 

**Normandy – Deck 3, Port Observation Deck**

When Shepard returned to the ship she found out that Kasumi had settled into the Observation Deck on the opposite side of the ship from Samara. Shepard thought it made for a rather odd balance between the two observation rooms, law enforcer on one side and law breaker on the other.

When she walked through the door, Kasumi was in the process of hanging a painting on the wall. Shepard looked around; the three couches in the center of the room had been there previously as had the two bookcases, which had books on them now instead of being empty, and desk. The bed next to the bookcases was new however, as was the nightstand next to it. She walked over to stand beside the thief as the woman stepped back from the now hung painting.

The artwork was interesting; Shepard couldn’t quite tell whether the element at the top of the painting was supposed to represent an eye or perhaps some type of mechanical iris.

“This is my favorite piece,” Kasumi said to her, “it was painted for me by a child prodigy from Elysium. She was the cutest thing. She was kidnapped by slavers who hoped to sell her on Omega.” Shepard tensed and turned toward the other woman with a frown. “I wasn’t about to let that happen. I set up an ID as a buyers rep to get a special tour of the slavers’ vessel. Once aboard, I freed the girl and smuggled her off the ship. She painted that for me on the way home. I’ll never forget how it felt to watch her work.”

Shepard turned her head to look at the paining once again, for that one act alone she could forgive Kasumi quite a few transgressions. She took a few more moments to appreciate the child’s work before turning to the Japanese woman, “Obviously you already know we’re going up against the Collectors. Do you have any questions about the mission?”

“Not at the moment,” the thief replied, “I would like to know when we will be headed toward Bekenstein though; we only have a week before the party.”

“Bekenstein? Party?” Shepard frowned in confusion.

The thief’s eyes underneath the shadow of her hood widened, “They didn’t tell you?” she asked and Shepard shook her head. “And they call me secretive,” the thief commented wryly.

Shepard closed her eyes, reached up and rubbed the bridge of her nose, this sounded like the fiasco with Massani all over again. “No they didn’t,” she replied opening her eyes once again, “What do we need to do on Bekenstein and why do we need to go to a party to do it?”

Shepard listened patiently as the woman told her about a greybox, a neural implant used to store memories, which she wanted to recover from Donovan Hock. Kasumi also told her about her partner, Keiji Okuda, who Hock had killed to get the greybox.

Shepard’s eyes narrowed at the first mention of interstellar war and that humanity could be in trouble if whatever information Keiji Okuda had found and stored in his greybox became known to the other Council races. Aside from the fact that Cerberus had promised Kasumi she would help, this had just become her business as a Spectre. Whatever was in that greybox could not remain in this Donovan Hock’s hands to be sold to the highest bidder, not if it threatened the galactic peace.

EDI’s blue globe activated above the console next to the door, interrupting before she could ask the Japanese woman if she had any more information about the data stored on the greybox. “Shepard, Councilor Anderson has just contacted the ship. He requests that you and the ground team which accompanied Dr. Mordin Solus report to his office within the hour. The Council wishes to discuss your report.”

 

**Citadel – Presidium, Human Embassy**

She would not let herself be provoked. She would not let herself be provoked. Shepard repeated the silent mantra to herself as her small group entered the Human Embassy. Marines and Naval Officers had gotten in her face and tried to rattle her, two Reapers had attempted to intimidate her into giving up all hope of winning the battle against their designs…they had all failed. She would not let the turian Councilor manipulate her with his damn snippy attitude and insulting comments.

A light touch on her arm drew her attention to the asari keeping pace beside her; Samara glanced over at her, a faint look of concern coloring the justicar’s expression. Shepard felt her mood instantly lighten, “Just reminding myself why I shouldn’t let Councilor Metellus get under my skin today,” she whispered just loud enough for the asari to hear. She thought she saw surprise in those pale blue eyes and then a brief flash of anger that if she hadn't been looking at the justicar right then she would have missed.

"I see," Samara commented, her tone understanding. Shepard was confused by the asari's response until she recalled that she had mentioned the turian Councilor's covert campaign two years ago to have her Spectre status revoked while they were on Rayna's ship discussing the rachni Queen. A moment later Samara spoke again, “You should not be concerned Shepard, though you were more merciful than the Code would allow, your actions in regards to the salarian showed admirable restraint considering his actions and a desire to see justice done…” Samara paused for a moment, ensuring she had the human's full attention, and then added, “in accordance with the rule of law.”

Shepard knew exactly what the justicar was referring to as her mind flashed to that moment in the Cargo bay when she had spoken to Samara and Detective Anaya about her personal resolution to uphold the law whenever possible.

The red clad justicar continued, her tone stern, “If the turian Councilor does not appreciate the fact that you strive to uphold the Council’s own laws then that is his failing, not yours.”

Shepard’s eyes widened slightly at the asari’s tone and then she smiled, “Thank you, Samara.” She didn’t have time to say anything else as they were approaching their first security check point. A desk placed beside a locked doorway leading into the side of the Embassy where Councilor Anderson’s offices were located.

A young man in Systems Alliance Marine dress uniform and with a sidearm rose to his feet at their approach. “Commander Shepard, the Ambassador is expecting you and your companions,” he greeted them politely.

She stared at him silently for a moment, her brow creased in though. Did she want to begin this battle now? Yes she did, she decided. “Spectre Shepard, Lance Corporal,” she corrected him, “one traditionally uses a person’s highest acknowledged rank.” She raised her brow, “Unless the Systems Alliance does not recognize the authority of the Council over them?” They were currently standing in an atrium like area just inside the embassy building with multiple hallways and doors leading off of it. It wasn’t crowded, but they were hardly the only ones here either. Some were just passing through, others stood in little groups of humans or groups of humans and asari, turians, or salarians. Shepard was aware of the other conversations taking place in the area quieting as people’s attention turned their way. She ignored them.

The young man gaped at her for a second and then straightened, “No ma’am,” her eyes narrowed on him causing him to hurriedly correct himself, “Uh... I mean yes ma’am they do. My apologies Spectre Shepard.”

She stared at him for a moment longer, waiting until he had reached a satisfactory state of stiff nervousness before she nodded a curt acknowledgement. Now was the time to address the wary uncertainty in his gaze, a Marine never denied being a Marine. “Lance Corporal, if Councilor Anderson had been a Marine Officer instead of a Naval Officer, would it be proper to continue greeting him as Captain Anderson?”

The young man glanced at her uncertainly, unsure where she was going with this. His reply though was prompt, “No ma’am.”

Since just about everyone was listening in anyway, Shepard decided to speak loudly enough for them to hear. Her tone was not harsh, but it was sternly authoritative as she said, “Duties and responsibilities change and the proper way to address someone changes in acknowledgement of those duties and responsibilities. That does not mean that a Marine is not always a Marine, but it is still not proper to continue to address them by their former military rank especially when their new duties demand that they act with more than just the interests of the Systems Alliance and Humanity in mind.”

The Lance Corporal had stiffened to rigid attention almost with her first words, now his blue-grey eyes and only his eyes rotated her way. Shepard’s brow rose, she hadn’t thought she had been overly harsh with him, but he was certainly acting as if she had been.

His eyes snapped forward, “Understood Spectre Shepard, I meant no offense.”

Shepard noted with satisfaction that the uncertainty in his tone was gone and that he now spoke with crisp professionalism. “And I took none Lance Corporal Smith, I was simply correcting an error,” she replied.

The young Marine glanced her way and then apparently reassured nodded. He took a step forward and input a few commands into the console in front of him. The door unlocked, “Councilor Anderson is waiting for you ma’am," he repeated.

“Practicing being a hard ass Shepard?” Garrus inquired from behind her when they were far enough away that the young Marine would not hear.

His question elicited a brief smile, she paused and said over her shoulder, “Correcting something I should have corrected long ago.”

“Commander Shepard,” Anderson rose from behind his desk and greeted her warmly as she stepped into his office.

“Spectre Shepard, Councilor,” she corrected him with gentle firmness, and a certain sadness as she removed her helmet and ran an armored hand though her dark brown hair to straighten it. This was it then; this was the first step of letting go of an identity that she had lived and breathed for the past thirteen years.

Anderson’s expression froze for a brief moment, and then he looked at her as if she had just said the last thing he expected. She returned his stare with a level of composure that quietly surprised herself, finding a certain sereneness slipping over her now that she had firmly committed to the decision.

He drew back a little upon taking in her demeanor and the two of them stared at each other for a long silent moment. He frowned, glanced over at the still empty holographic communications podiums before returning his gaze to her, “We’ll address this after the meeting…Spectre Shepard.”

She nodded; her earlier nervousness was mostly under control. Yes, she had been overly emotional during her last meeting with the Council. That did not mean this meeting would go the same way and it would not if she kept a tight rein on her emotions and controlled her actions. She turned towards her crew-members standing behind her, "My team for the mission, you already know Garrus Vakarian, this is Dr. Mordin Solus, and Justicar Samara." No sooner had she finished her introductions than the images of the other three Councilors activated behind the three podiums on the far left of the office.

Anderson held up one hand indicating silently that they should wait and then strode over to stand before his fellow Councilors. Shepard could see the other three searching the area, doubtless looking for them. “I thought we were ready to begin this meeting,” Councilor Metellus said testily.

“Spectre Shepard and the team that accompanied her on the mission are here,” he said with a subtle emphasis on the first word and then motioned them over. As she and her companions strode over to him, Shepard noticed Councilor Tevos tilting her head slightly and giving Anderson a slightly narrow-eyed inquisitive look.

Shepard stopped beside Anderson and her team fell into place behind her. “Councilors,” she greeted them politely. She noted Councilor Tevos’ gaze slip from her to just behind and slightly to her right, where Samara was standing. The Councilor dipped her head in respectful acknowledgement of the Justicar’s presence and Shepard could only guess that Samara did the same in response.

“Commander Shepard,” the salarian Councilor began, "We have questions about the situation you encountered on Tuchanka."

"And I will answer them," Shepard replied evenly, “however; I request that I be addressed as Spectre Shepard not Commander Shepard. Due to my death, I am not currently an active member of the Systems Alliance Military." All four Councilors paused in their actions to stare at her, an examination she bore stoically.

Councilor Metellus was the first to respond to her statement. "We are not here to discuss your supposed death," the turian sneered dismissively.

Shepard just stared at him for a moment, and then nodded, “You are correct Councilor, that is not the purpose of this meeting.” She really should have expected that, he had always found some way to either disagree with or insult her.

"That may not be our purpose," Councilor Tevos interrupted, "but I for one desire to know if Spectre Shepard plans on reinstating her rank within the Alliance Military."

Shepard met the asari's gaze, "I do not Councilor Tevos."

The turian Councilor pointed a finger at her, "It is a little late for you to decide to do what you knew you were required to do two years ago Commander Shepard," he condemned, putting a harsh, insulting emphasis on her rank.

Shepard frowned, but before she could say anything, Anderson interrupted. "Wait a moment," he protested, "What are you talking about? What requirement?"

Councilor Metellus turned his attention to the human Councilor, "Commander Shepard knew she was required to end her duties with the Alliance Military within half a standard Citadel year of her becoming a Spectre.” The turian’s sternly disapproving gaze shifted to Shepard, “A requirement which she failed to follow."

“I knew of no such requirement when I made the recommendation that we allow her to be considered as a Spectre candidate,” Anderson immediately rebutted.

“I knew of no such requirement either,” Shepard added her voice to his. “Nor did I come across it in any of my research into the Spectre’s.” If she had that would have made things so much simpler for her. She wouldn’t have been happy about it back then, but it would have meant she wouldn’t have spent so much time trying to please both the Council and the Alliance.

The three Councilors stared at her with varying expressions of disbelief. Councilor Valern finally spoke, “Spectre Shepard the requirement was clearly stated and came within the data package we sent Ambassador Udina immediately following your induction as a Spectre.”

Shepard knew her expression had to be thunderously angry, “Udina,” she growled, her mind immediately connecting several dots and forming the image of a web of deceit and manipulation. That absolute bastard, he had purposefully kept that information from her knowing he would have lost all leverage over her actions if she knew she had to resign her commission. She straightened, briefly met each of their eyes in turn, leaving the asari for last. Tevos was the lynchpin of the Council, she was the one Shepard needed to convince. “Councilors I received no such data package,” she stated firmly.

“I can verify that,” Anderson backed her up, his expression a mixture of anger and confusion, “I was with Udina the entire two days before Shepard left for Therum. If he received a data package he neither mentioned it to me nor forwarded it to Spectre Shepard."

She and Councilor Tevos were still staring at one another, the asari’s eyes intently searching as a frown creased the Councilor’s brow. The asari asked, “Spectre Shepard you mentioned researching the Spectre’s. What resources did you use?”

Shepard fought against the urge to shift uncomfortably underneath the asari’s steady gaze. Even as a holograph it was intimidating, especially as it was becoming clear to Shepard that she had let her contest of wills with Ambassador Udina get in the way of what she should have done: inquiring if there was any further information on what she should be doing as a Spectre. “What each of you said during the induction speech and searching the extranet, which yielded a substantial amount of information on the responsibilities of the Spectres' and the extent of their authority,” she admitted promptly. The asari Councilor’s eyes narrowed and Shepard thought the asari grimaced slightly at her reply, though it was hard to tell with the flickering holographic image.

“Did it not occur to you that you should have asked the Council for more information if you had questions regarding your duties?” Councilor Valern inquired.

Now it was her turn to grimace. Shepard inclined her head, acknowledging the salarian Councilor’s point. “In retrospect it’s rapidly becoming clear that I should have,” she replied. “At the time…well I thought perhaps it was some type of test to see how I handled being a Spectre. You did mention that Spectre’s were expected to be self-reliant and I knew I had enough information to figure out what I needed to do… So evaluate, adapt and overcome.”

“The unofficial Alliance Special Forces motto,” Valern noted and Shepard nodded.

Councilor Tevos' gaze shifted from the human Spectre to her team members standing behind her. “Perhaps this matter should be discussed at a later time with Spectre Shepard alone.”

“Agreed,” Councilor Metellus remarked with a frown.

The salarian Councilor gazed past Shepard at her crewmembers standing behind her, “In case you are not aware, Council briefings such as this are classified. You are not to discuss what is said here outside of a secure location and only with those present now.”

"Understood," Mordin responded, "Would not be good for it to become widely known that the first human Spectre was sent to the field unprepared."

Dead silence followed her salarian crewmember’s observation, each Councilor stiffening in such a way that showed their displeasure at something they obviously would have rather went unstated. Shepard set her jaw against the snort of laughter that wanted to escape, even though the situation wasn’t really funny at all. How much discord had been stirred between her and the Alliance and between her and the Council because of Udina’s scheming?

There was an awkward moment as everyone, including the Councilors, seemed to need a second or two to remember what they had been doing before getting so far off track. Councilor Valern was the first to speak again, “As I mentioned earlier Spectre Shepard we have a few questions about the events in your report,” the salarian said. “I am curious as to why you recommended that Maelon be given a physiological evaluation before being charged with any crime.”

Shepard turned her attention the salarian Councilor. “He behaved erratically, paced back and forth in front of us, spoke loudly, overemotionally and with excessive gesturing, and his beliefs of what the krogan would do once cured were…decidedly out of touch with their actual plans.”

“That sounds like you and your obsession with these mythological Reapers,” Councilor Metellus remarked condescendingly.

Shepard’s brow rose as she turned her head to look at him, unexpectedly she found herself more amused by the turian’s obvious attempt to rile her than anything else. “No, I’m sure if I were to behave like Maelon all four of you would be tapping the button within a fraction of a second of each other for someone to take me away and put me in a thickly padded room decorated in a suitably soothing color instead of just you Councilor.”

The two of them stared at one another; the way the turian Councilor’s mandibles fluttered and the expression on his face seemed to indicate that he was both shocked and angered at her display of humor. As for Shepard, his behavior was only reinforcing her opinion of him as dishonorable and now it seemed she could add immature to that as well since he apparently could not let any opportunity to needle her about the Reapers pass by him.

“Is there any possibility that he was compelled into cooperating with the krogan?” Councilor Tevos asked, interrupting their staring match.

“Psychological torture and or drugs,” Shepard replied as she turned to look at the asari. “I considered that as well, especially since they did that to an Urdnot scout we found imprisoned there, but,” she grimaced as she shook her head, “that was before I found out Maelon went to Clan Urdnot with his offer first and Wrex turned him away when he found out Maelon planned on experimenting on humans and infertile krogan females. That clearly indicates that Maelon had decided not only to cure the genophage, but also thought out his research plan before he ever approached Weyrloc Guld with his offer.”

“That does seem conclusive,” her demeanor serious, the asari Councilor agreed. “Dr. Solus he was your assistant, do you agree with Spectre Shepard’s assessment?”

“Shepard’s logic sound,” Mordin replied, “Also, forced behavior modification, whether from Reaper indoctrination or drugs always results in mental degradation. Maelon’s research displayed no loss of higher cogitative functions.”

Shepard whirled to look at him, “Reaper indoctrination?” When had he studied that and why hadn’t he mentioned it to her before?

Mordin drew back a little startled by the suddenness of her movement and her intensity, “Hmm… did study on it. Published paper. Quite well received.”

Shepard’s eyes narrowed on him thoughtfully and then she smoothly pivoted back around to look at the salarian Councilor. Valern looked suspiciously as if he had not wanted that piece of information to come out, his posture was stiff, his expression carefully emotionless. She was not the only one staring at him either; both Councilor Tevos and Councilor Metellus were looking at him as well, as was Anderson beside her.

Shepard knew that none of the Councilor's, save perhaps for Anderson, would want to make more obvious the split she saw right now the Council or that the STG was keeping information to themselves. If she wanted this brought further out into the open she would have to make it happen. "Where did you obtain your data?" Shepard turned to Mordin and asked. "Did the salarian Lieutenant we freed," she paused a second searching her memory for his name, "Ganto Imness manage to clear the blast area?"

Mordin smiled at her, "He would be pleased to know you remembered his name. Yes he did. Picked up later, but only small part of study. Most work done on asari cadavers recovered from Noveria."

Shepard stiffened, realizing immediately whose bodies he had to be referring to, Matriarch Benezia and her commandoes.

“You found evidence of indoctrination such as reported by Spectre Shepard?" it was Councilor Tevos who spoke. Shepard turned her head to glance at the asari; the Councilor did not look pleased.

She returned her attention to Mordin as the salarian replied, “Extensive neural damage and scarring present in all asari cadavers." his head turned Shepard's way, "Personally surprised Matriarch Benezia was able to fight off indoctrination long enough to give information on Saren’s activities as you reported given the amount of damage to neural centers." He paused for a breath and then added, "Impressive.”

Shepard's expression turned solemn. She subconsciously straightened her stance and lifted her chin before replying, "Lady Benezia was a very strong and determined individual. Knowing that Saren would never allow her a second chance to act against him, she chose that moment as her best chance to strike back at him for what he had done to her and to those asari who followed her. It was my honor to fulfill her last request and stop Saren."

Mordin studied her for a moment, "Hmm body found placed in respectful pose away from place of death. Your doing?" Shepard inclined her head, acknowledging that she had been the one to move Benezia's body to a nearby table. The matriarch didn't deserve to be left lying in her own blood and Liara didn't need to see her mother that way.

“I’m curious about the STG’s conclusions and why I am hearing about this just now,” Anderson asked his tone angry but subdued by the previous conversation.

Councilor Valern quickly responded, "There was not enough supporting evidence to conclude that Sovereign was a sentient ship rather than under Saren’s control."

"But enough evidence to conclusively show that ship had the ability to indoctrinate," Shepard asked, her mind racing.

"Something had the ability to indoctrinate, Spectre Shepard," the salarian Councilor stressed. "There is not enough evidence to prove whether it was part of the ship itself or technology Saren acquired and installed onboard it."

"There seem to be a growing number of things about Sovereign of which there is not quite enough evidence to prove something conclusively one way or another" Shepard observed dryly. "I have to wonder when the sheer number of inconsistencies will add up enough for you to realize your theory that the Geth built Sovereign is equally as unlikely as you currently feel my claim that it was a Reaper."

"Not this again," the turian Councilor waved his hand dismissively, “The purpose of this meeting is not to discuss your irrational belief in Saren's lies."

Shepard raised one eyebrow and observed him with faint amusement. Considering he had been the one to bring up the Reapers first, that was a bit hypocritical of him. "Very well Councilor. I shall refrain from responding to any mention of them for the remainder of the meeting unless it is made clear that I should."

By the turian's aggravated reaction after a few seconds, Shepard was able to tell exactly when Metellus worked out why she had just said what she had said and that he had been the one to bring up the subject first. She turned her attention back to Councilor Valern, ignoring the look of disapproval Councilor Tevos was giving her. "You had more questions about what happened on Tuchanka?" she asked the salarian Councilor.

"I still don't understand why you brought him back at all," Metellus commented irritatedly before the salarian Councilor could respond, "He cruelly tortured several humans and is a traitor. Insane or not, he deserves death for his actions."

What Samara had said not less than twenty minutes ago concerning her decision to not kill Maelon and why she had made it, rose within Shepard's mind. "All true," the human Spectre solemnly agreed, "however, I believe Citadel law, as Alliance law, forbids the execution of mentally incapacitated individuals?"

"You are a Spectre, you are not bound by those rules," he shrugged off her response as if it were inconsequential.

Perhaps it was to him, Shepard thought with barely veiled contempt. She took in a few measured breaths to master her rising temper before inquiring coolly, "I am entrusted with the responsibility of ensuring the stability of Citadel Space, am I not?"

"Find that out in your extranet search?" the turian responded snidely.

"That is correct Spectre Shepard," Councilor Tevos intervened before either one of them said anything else. The asari was beginning to look quite irritated, most likely with the both of them Shepard suspected.

Shepard directed her next statement to the entire Council, "The rule of law is one of the foundations upon which rest not only human civilization and government but also the civilizations and governments of the various Citadel races. As the stability of Citadel space depends in turn upon the stability of its constituent governments, I believe that I should obey those laws until the point they jeopardize my mission. Detaining Maelon did not jeopardize my mission, therefore I obeyed Citadel law."

Shepard shifted her attention to the turian Councilor, "Unless of course Councilor Metellus you disagree with me and wish to make the argument that the rule of law is not something Specters should strive to uphold whenever possible?" Councilor Metellus looked furious with her. She returned his angry stare calmly. Whether prejudice against humans, revenge over her exposing of Saren, or just a petty bureaucrat enamored of his own power, he wasn't worth bringing herself down to his level.

"You dare mock me?" Councilor Metellus' voice rose angrily as he glared at her.

"I do not," she rebuked him sternly. Both he and the other Councilors visibly reacted to her sudden change of tone, and it was only because the seriousness of the moment that she didn't find their startled attention amusing. "Just because I have the authority to ignore the law does not mean that I should ignore the law. In order to fulfill their duties, Spectre's are given a great amount of power. I believe that with that power comes an equal burden of responsibility to use the authority we are given wisely and with restraint. I am not willing to break the law simply because it would be easier for you to not have to decide what to do with him Councilor," she said, her tone underlain with a fine edge of disapproval.

"Enough," Anderson finally snapped. Her former Captain turned and looked at her in stern warning. Shepard met his gaze directly and then inclined her head; she would yield to his authority. Besides she had achieved what she had set out to do, display the turian Councilor's hypocrisy and dishonor for himself and the other Councilors to see.

The human Councilor turned his attention to his Turian colleague, "Councilor Metellus, if you continue your taunting and attempts to bait Spectre Shepard I will lodge a formal protest of your behavior with the Hierarchy. You might have gotten away with that type of conduct before I was made Councilor, but no longer."

Incredibly, the turian Councilor looked stunned at being called out for his actions.

"Surely that will not be necessary Councilor Anderson," the salarian Councilor said, seeking to smooth over the situation.

"I just stated my requirement for it not to be necessary Councilor Valern," Anderson's tone made it clear he was not going to be mollified. "I will not stand idly by and let Spectre Shepard be treated with such disrespect."

"We understand Councilor, but you must understand, as must Spectre Shepard, that the Council is not generally lectured to by its agents," Councilor Tevos stated while staring disapprovingly at the human Spectre.

It was a look Shepard met with steady composure, she was not in the least bit shamed at having defended her beliefs or her honor. Councilor Tevos' eyes widened slightly and the asari's disapproving expression was replaced by a more searching one that held a hint of bafflement. It was then that Shepard realized she was thinking and behaving a little too much like a prothean and not like a thirty year old human. Hypocrisy and dishonor? For all she knew, neither Councilor Valern nor Councilor Tevos saw anything so terribly wrong with either. Thankfully the asari Councilor was not here in person and thus, if her aura had shifted along with her thoughts, could not tell there was truly something unusual about her.

"Perhaps Councilor," Anderson responded to the asari, drawing Tevos' attention away from his former subordinate, "but I for one am pleased to know that Spectre Shepard holds herself to a rigorous standard of conduct." He might as well of went ahead and added unlike Saren, everyone in the room was aware of the unstated comparison he was making.

Councilor Tevos' lips briefly thinned in displeasure before the asari's expression smoothed back to its usual watchful calm. "And that is to be admired," the asari stated. Interestingly, the Councilor sounded as if she actually meant that, Shepard noted. "However, we expect our Spectre's to treat each Council member with the respect due their position."

"Respect goes both ways," Councilor Anderson stated firmly. "I'm certain if Councilor Metellus treats Spectre Shepard with the respect due her that she will treat him with the respect due him."

It was obvious from her expression that the asari Councilor hadn't expected such a strong response from him. The asari glanced between the two humans with a slight frown. After a moment she said, "Very well, let us continue then."

Shepard stifled a sigh, aware that she might have lost an ally, no matter how tepid, by standing up to Metellus. At least she had Anderson on her side, and that was more support than she had ever had in these meetings with the Council.

Councilor Valern barely let the asari Councilor finish speaking before saying, "I am interested in Clan Urdnot and the intentions of its Clanleader, Urdnot Wrex."

Shepard turned to face the salarian before beginning her explanation of how Wrex had created a neutral ground for the Clans allied with Urdnot to come together. That the female Clans had joined together as well and were located in the neutral ground where they were under the protection of all the allied male Clans.

Councilor Valern asked when she finished, "You are aware that by eliminating Weyrloc Guld and several members of Clan Weyrloc you strengthened the political position of Clan Urdnot?"

Shepard nodded, "I suspected something was going on by the way Wrex responded when I asked him if he had heard about the Blood Pack bringing in a captive salarian. I was certain after I found out that Maelon had approached Clan Urdnot first and Wrex turned him away. Wrex needed Clan Weyrloc stopped, but it would have been political suicide for him to take any direct action against them in case it became known they were researching a cure for the genophage,” she explained. “That’s where I and my team came in, we could go in and rescue the salarian the Weyrloc's were holding without raising any suspicions and without causing any political fallout for him. After returning to the ship, we heard that not only had Urdnot raided the Weyrloc base for weapons and supplies, but that the females and children from Clan Weyrloc had been adopted by them as well."

Mordin chimed in, "Intelligent move. Surprising from Krogan. Glad to see it."

Councilor Tevos stared thoughtfully at Mordin for a second or two before returning her attention to the human Spectre, "Are you aware of what Urdnot Wrex's goal is in uniting the krogan?" Shepard was relieved to see that the asari didn't appear to be upset with her anymore or if the Councilor still was, wasn't going to let it show in her behavior.

"His first goal is to get the remaining Clans to stop fighting one another and focus on breeding. Prove that the Krogan can continue to exist as a race despite the genophage. After that..." she paused with a grimace, "I doubt he's planned much beyond that since getting that far will be difficult enough. Ultimately begin rebuilding I think. I know he wants the Krogan to be more than the mercenaries for hire so many of them are now."

Anderson, who had been listening to her with a concerned frown, spoke next, "He was part of your former team Shepard. You know him best. Will he unite the clans only to start another war?"

Ah so this was their concern, Shepard thought as she shook her head, "Wrex knows the dangers of that idea. He knows that the rest of the races would promptly unite and destroy them. I'm also sure that, just like I did, Wrex has looked up and realized that the shroud, or rather its absence, could just as easily be used as a weapon as its current beneficial usage." Shepard noticed the turian, salarian and asari Councilors all glance sharply at her as she mentioned that, making her wonder if they thought it a secret. She continued, "His trouble is going to be persuading the other krogan that it's not a good idea."

Anderson stroked his chin thoughtfully, "You’re concerned he won't be able to maintain control over the various Clans once he unifies them?"

"That has always been the Krogan's problem," interrupted Councilor Metellus, "they're bloodthirsty savages who like nothing more than to fight, whether each other or anyone else does not matter to them." He stared at her challengingly, as if daring her to disagree with him.

Except for a briefly raised brow, Shepard met his gaze calmly, her attitude more thoughtful than offended. Unfortunately, except for his blanket characterization of the entire race, she knew he was right. Certainly the Krogan were more than just bloodthirsty savages, but their propensity for violence was indeed a substantial impediment to their future integration with the rest of the galaxy.

Shepard knew that side-stepping or downplay the issues that Anderson and Metellus had brought up would ultimately only weaken any argument she made on Wrex's behalf. She needed to acknowledge them, but to also be careful not to make them seem insurmountable, otherwise someone might decide the best thing to do would be to kill Wrex and ensure the Krogan never united. That would certainly be the expedient answer and one she wouldn't put past either Metellus or Valern.

For a moment she regretted keeping Maelon alive and bringing him to the Citadel, then good sense reasserted itself. The Council, or at least the STG, either had already noticed that Wrex was trying to unite the Clans or would soon figure it out. In either case, the Council would have these concerns whether she brought Maelon here or not. At least this way she knew about their fears and Wrex had an advocate to speak for him before the Council instead of none. Besides, she had intended Maelon to be a reminder to the Council of the negative side effects of their genophage; she might as well take this opportunity to stress that as well.

Feeling as if she finally had an idea of how to frame her response so as to get them to listen to her, Shepard began, "The Krogan evolved in an incredibly harsh environment which rewarded the ability of the strong individual to survive equally or more than rewarding the survival of the strong group or tribe. Their culture glorifies proving oneself worthy in battle and teaches them that they should define themselves by their ability to prevail against the strength of their enemies. Added to those challenges is the blood rage that became prevalent in the populations genetics several millennium ago, making them further susceptible to their own violent impulses especially during the first few centuries of their lives. Those are the undeniable facts of the Krogan’s environmental and biological past and the reality which, along with their past choices, has shaped their present circumstances." Anderson, Metellus and Valern all looked baffled by Shepard's segue into the Krogan's evolutionary past. Tevos was the sole exception, the asari Councilor was listening to Shepard with an intent expression and watchful manner. It made the human Spectre slightly nervous, why was Tevos watching her so closely?

Still she had already begun this logical argument, at this point it was better to continue than to retreat and rethink. "Looking into the Krogan race's past made me appreciate in a way I have never before the fact that Earth's environment taught humanity that we needed to band together in groups to survive, that the individual was almost certainly destined to perish, and those who forged and gathered roots and berries as well as those who hunted and brought in game, were equally necessary for the tribe's survival. Early on Humanity learned to value the ability of individuals to work together for the common good and to value the contributions of more than just those who could fight. We came to understand during our feudal ages that physical might cannot and should not be the sole determining factor of one’s worth, or of one’s right to lead, or of even whether or not ones actions are wise or correct."

She knew from the way the turian Councilor was acting that she needed to come to her point quickly before he interrupted her with a complaint. "All of our respective races have had much of the same environmental histories; have learned the same or very similar lessons. Sadly that is not the case for the Krogan, and thus I think of them as having some very daunting challenges to overcome before they can join the galactic community as contributing members."

Councilor Metellus snorted in derision. "That’s not likely," he dismissed the idea with a wave of his hand.

Shepard had expected as much from him, so his response didn't even faze her. She continued as if he hadn't even spoken, "Councilors what is your end goal for the Krogan?"

"They are contained and being punished for their actions during the Krogan Rebellions," Councilor Metellus was unsurprisingly the first one to reply. "Or are you a Krogan apologist and think the genophage should have never been used?" He made the word apologist sound like an insult as he spat out the question.

Shepard didn't even have to consider how to answer; this had been part of what she researched before they arrived at Tuchanka. "Raetia, Dalmatia, Uchalda," she named the three turian colony worlds that had been destroyed during the Rebellions with quiet and grave respect, "840.6 million Turian, 2.9 billion Asari, 2.5 billion Salarian… over ten billion estimated Krogan deaths." She soberly met the turian Councilor's surprised stare, "No, I do not underestimate the circumstances or the desperate necessity of the genophage 1,485 years ago." she paused only a second before adding, "I do question whether the solution then is the optimal solution now."

"In the enclosed report by Professor Solus he mentioned you bringing up the possibility of an alternative to the genophage," Councilor Valern jumped into the conversation before the turian Councilor could respond to the human Spectre’s statement. "One that would still limit the Krogan birth rate, but would terminate the pregnancies earlier and thus result in less of an emotional response from the Krogan."

Shepard looked at him hopefully, but saw immediately that his expression was not promising. "That was our initial intent for the genophage. Unfortunately it resulted in live birth rates of only one in approximately four thousand, much lower than what we knew would be needed to preserve the Krogan as a race. The researchers modified the genophage to make it less lethal, but that had the side affect of lengthening the duration of the pregnancy before the cumulative fetal defects caused its termination." He paused for a moment to give emphasis to his next statement, "It was never our intent to commit genocide against the Krogan."

"I understand that," she assured him, "Dr. Solus explained the intent of the genophage to me the first time we talked." She had listened to the salarian's explanation with growing dismay, realizing that her hope that the genophage could be modified to make it less objectionable had been tried first and discarded as unworkable. Now her mind raced, trying to come up with an alternate solution even though she knew she did not know nearly enough about the subject. There was only one other possibility she had considered, "Would preventing the fertilized eggs from implanting in the uterus have the same issues?"

Proving that he knew at least as much as she about these types of things, Councilor Valern responded, "The prevention of the blastocysts from implanting in the uterine wall? Yes, that would cause an unacceptably high rate of pregnancy termination as well."

Even though she had been expecting the answer, Shepard grimaced at his confirmation. "So, no easy answer," she commented with a resigned sigh.

"No, unfortunately not," the salarian Councilor affirmed.

"Why are we even wasting our time discussing this?" Councilor Metellus growled. "The Krogan issue is settled. If they want the genophage cured, then it is up to them to overcome their violent behavior and prove to the rest of the galaxy that they can be trusted to control themselves and their population levels." His mandibles flared as he gestured at Shepard, "Something I doubt they are even interested in accomplishing. They would rather sit on the bombed out shell of their home world...which they themselves destroyed, and complain how unfair it was that we wouldn't let them conquer us. They are all bloodthirsty thugs and have no interest in being anything else."

"I imagine you think I am going to disagree with everything you said,” Shepard mused aloud once he was finished, drawing a surprised and then amusingly wary look from the turian Councilor. He wasn't the only one; all the other Councilors appeared to be surprised by her comment as well. "I am not," Shepard continued. "I found myself continually dismayed at how the Krogan characterized the genophage as their repayment for defeating the Rachni as if nothing of note had occurred between those two events."

“They deny that the Rebellions took place?” Councilor Tevos questioned with a frown and an expression that bordered on incredulous.

“I don’t know that I would say that,” Shepard replied, striving to be accurate. “They simply do not generally mention it, not even in context with the genophage where one would expect to hear an acknowledgement of it.”

“See, they cannot accept responsibility for the consequences of their own actions,” Metellus interjected forcefully.

Shepard regarded him steadily, “I suspect it’s a bit more complicated than just that,” she disagreed mildly.

“What do you think the reason is?” Anderson asked her curiously.

“Quite frankly I only have vague suspicions at this point, but I suspect that being defeated equals not being able to survive within the krogan mind or something very like that. So much of their culture emphasizes proving themselves strong enough to survive and win against whatever they face, that I suspect the genophage is psychologically difficult for them to deal with on many levels, some of them probably subconscious. I think not mentioning the Krogan Rebellions is a psychological defense mechanism so that they don't constantly think about the reality that they were defeated and in a way are constantly still being defeated to this day by the effects of the genophage."

Seeing an excellent opportunity to move the direction of the conversation in the way she needed it to go to make the case for Wrex, Shepard quickly continued, "What I found equally disturbing however was the amount of hatred I heard directed toward the other Citadel races. Each new generation of krogan grows up with the graphic reality of the genophage before them: the unhatched eggs and the psychological toll of the genophage upon their mother's and the other krogan females around them. They are told that it is a crime against them, that the rest of the galaxy is at fault for it and are just waiting for the krogan race to die off, and that it’s right to hate every other race for what the genophage does to them. Humans have a saying for that, taught hate along with mother's milk, and it is the kind of hatred that is so deeply ingrained that it is rarely logically reconsidered."

There was a reason the kind of hatred that she had witnessed on Tuchanka had disturbed her so greatly, and a brief recall of human history had provided the answers as to why. The century’s long battles between the Catholics and Protestants in Northern Ireland and between the Jews and Arabs in the Middle East were grim reminders of what types of atrocities such hatred could justify.

"If the krogan were able to acquire a cure for the genophage, as things now stand, they would attempt to immediately attack as soon as they thought they had the numbers. The sheer level of anger and hatred present within the general population would demand it. If we failed to stop them, then the Second Krogan Rebellions would make the first seem like a pleasant exercise," Shepard stated grimly. "Then they were trying to prove themselves the stronger, this time they would want to make the Citadel races suffer for every Krogan child that did not draw their first breath due to the genophage. And when humanity joins in the battle, as we would because the lessons of the first Krogan Rebellion are very clear, they would extend that to hatred Humanity as well."

"We would, if we didn't they would overrun us in a few generations anyway," Anderson confirmed, his expression set in grim lines.

"It would never come to that, we would destroy them first," vowed Councilor Metellus.

"You do not exactly seem to be presenting a strong case for allowing the Krogan to unite Spectre Shepard,” Councilor Valern noted after the human and turian had spoken.

Shepard noted that Councilor Tevos hadn't yet commented; instead the asari remained silent and watchful of her. "Oh but I am," Shepard responded to the salarian Councilor, her tone quietly confident. "What I have described is the current situation with the krogan and unfortunately the foreseeable future as well if nothing changes. The galaxy faces millennia of maintaining the genophage, of maintaining the CDEM, of needing to keep a constant and careful watch on the krogan lest they find a cure." She let the silence after her statement weigh, saw by the expression on the Councilor’s faces that they knew she was correct.

"With the genophage in place and with the krogan united under a leader willing to listen to reason...willing to envision a different way for his people..." Shepard turned her gaze to the turian, "This is where I must disagree with your statement that all krogan are bloodthirsty thugs, Councilor Metellus. Urdnot Wrex is not; otherwise I would not have allowed him to join my team against Saren."

"One unusual krogan," the turian Councilor immediately rebutted, "does not mean that I am wrong about the majority of the Krogan race."

"He is unusual," Shepard agreed, silently pleased that he had given her just about the perfect response. "As far as I know, Wrex is the first krogan to attempt to unite the Clans since the end of the Krogan Rebellions whose stated goal is not to start another war, but to ensure the survival of his race. He is also the first Krogan who has made the choice to pass up not one but two opportunities to cure the genophage because he understood in both cases that it wasn't the best course of action for his people. He is a rare individual, concerned for more than just himself, worried about the survival and state of his race, possessing both intelligence and wisdom, and in control of his blood rage. A fact which he proved numerous times during our pursuit of Saren two years ago."

She paused only a brief moment before continuing smoothly, "Urdnot Wrex as Clanleader of Clan Urdnot presents the Council with a chance to avoid the possibility of millennium of watchfulness by way of a unique future tactical opportunity. One of those points in the timeline where a carefully chosen action has a greater than normal effect."

"You are able to predict the future now?" Metellus mocked her, and yet she could also hear in his voice a wariness of her.

Shepard smiled briefly, "No, merely pay attention to the lessons of history along with a basic understanding of the Krogan," she assured him. Her demeanor turned more serious, "I know that Wrex faces an uphill battle just trying to get his fellow krogan to see the advantages of joining together for their common good and their continued survival as a race. If he manages to actually unite them, his next challenge will be to persuade them that they should not see that as an opportunity to go to war again."

She continued almost without pause, "The Council would know with very good accuracy when this flashpoint has the chance of occurring, and already has in place the decisive means to contain it if it happens in the form of the CDEM Battlestations and the Citadel Fleet. That gives the Council the freedom to make a diplomatic overture without undue concerns about the repercussions if the attempt fails." High reward, low risk, what politician wouldn't like those odds, Shepard thought to herself. "Ideally it would be a change to how the genophage works, but if that is not possible then some other gesture to assure the Krogan that the Council does not want to see their race die out and that there is the possibility that one day the genophage will be lifted. Something to give them hope for the future and to strengthen Wrex's position and his message that going to war is not the right path for the Krogan."

Shepard paused for only a brief moment to let the Councilors think about what she had just said before beginning her closing arguments, "With the clans unified and the leader who unified them speaking out against another war, my thoughts are that any such diplomatic move by the Council will have a greater impact upon the Krogan as a whole and a greater chance of persuading them to give Urdnot Wrex's plans to develop a unified Krogan government a chance to succeed."

"Your thoughts," the turian Councilor all but pounced on what he saw as the weakness in her argument.

"Yes, my thoughts," Shepard acknowledged, her manner calm and assured. "I am well aware that Wrex may fail, that the opportunity may never happen. However, I also believe that there is a definite possibility that he will succeed and the moment I described will come to pass. The question before the Council is this: Is that possibility real enough to be patient with the current situation and see if it develops in a way that is favorable to the Council's interests? If it is, then there is an opportunity for the Council to subtly guide the Krogan into a less violent mindset that will serve both the Krogan's future interests and the Council's."

Shepard felt like a heel for essentially advising the Council to take advantage of Wrex's efforts for their own purposes, but in all honesty she could see no way to ensure they didn't decide to put a stop to his unification efforts. Then there was the simple fact that if the Krogan wanted the genophage lifted, they had to stop relating to the rest of the galaxy as opponents to prove their strength against. Krogan culture needed to change in that specific respect in order for their race to thrive instead of simply surviving. The Council couldn't make the Krogan realize that, but they could certainly create an environment in which such change was either discouraged or encouraged. She was hoping they realized encouragement was the clearly better alternative.

Councilor Tevos glanced over at Councilor Valern next to her, in response the salarian gave her a quick nod; apparently she had sufficiently persuaded him. Tevos then looked to Councilor Anderson, that surprised Shepard for a second until she realized what the asari was doing, going after the more certain yes votes first in an effort to make Metellus vote with the clear majority. After Anderson indicated his agreement, the asari Councilor turned to look at the turian Councilor. Metellus nodded jerkily, all the while giving Councilor Tevos an angry glare which the asari appeared to completely ignore.

"We will consider your recommendation Spectre Shepard," the asari Councilor said as she turned back to Shepard. The human Spectre was heartened by the fact that the Councilor sounded intrigued by the possibility she had raised, that indicated the Council might take her proposal seriously and give it a chance to succeed. "In the meantime," Tevos continued, "I believe we should take a recess and in two hours meet with Spectre Shepard alone to discuss Ambassador Udina's past actions."

Once the three holograms of the other three Councilors had faded away, Shepard closed her eyes for a moment and allowed her relief to show. Hopefully she had done it, persuaded them to support Wrex instead of working against him or trying to kill him.

When she opened her eyes Anderson was regarding her with a small smile, "Good job, Shepard," he praised her, "It's good to see your thinking instead of reacting. Now, while your companions should leave," he said apologetically, "I'd like for you to stay, we need to discuss why Udina kept that information from you before the next meeting with the Council."

Shepard nodded; this could have some serious repercussions for the Systems Alliance and Humanity. She had the feeling that the Councilors suspected Udina had tried to manipulate her, but they didn't realize to what extent he had tried to dictate her every action.

She turned to face her team; it didn't come as a surprise to her that Samara was giving her a look which clearly indicated the asari wanted to speak with her later. That indicated that her aura had changed and that she was lucky Councilor Tevos hadn't been personally present. Really lucky, Shepard reiterated to herself, remembering the way Samara had reacted the first time the asari had felt it happen.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The Mass Effect universe is the property of Bioware/Electronic Arts. No infringement of these copyrights is intended as this is a not for profit fan fiction work.
> 
> Warning: none
> 
> Notes: This is an Alternate Universe story, and is inspired by the Beyonce song “Save the Hero,” from the album I am…Sasha Fierce. The portrayal of Cerberus in my story is heavily influenced by the contents of the second and third Mass Effect books, Ascension and Retribution. The Prothean language I’m using is a mixture of Quenyanna and Sindarin, languages originally created by Tolkien.
> 
> Rating: Teen
> 
> Feedback: Always welcome, feedback is what encourages me to keep writing. Please let me know what you like and what you dislike about the story. Thank you to my beta readers on the Kudara.fiction yahoo group for their suggestions and feedback which lead to this being a much better chapter than it would have been otherwise.
> 
> Errors and Corrections: Yes, please let me know about any errors you see so that I can correct them. This is un-beta’ed so it probably has a few.
> 
> Ch. 29 revision - Realized I hadn't at all mentioned that Shepard hitting the upper end of her biotic ability occurred on Tuchanka when she bounced the Harvester's head to keep it from crushing her so I went back and added that in.
> 
> Revision History: 02/18/2011

**Citadel – Presidium, Human Embassy, Councilor Anderson's Office**

To say that Anderson was upset with Udina after Shepard finished relating the things the Ambassador had done was a definite understatement. Her former Captain had heard Udina complain about the way she had handled a few of the missions, but hadn't realized the extent of the Ambassadors actions or the almost complete lack of support she had received from the Alliance after becoming a Spectre.

Thanks to the Council's announcement that she was supposed to have separated from service anyway, Shepard didn't have to convince Anderson that leaving the Alliance was the right thing for her to do. Something she had anticipated would take her some time and persuasion. In fact, they took the remainder of the time before the next Council meeting to fill out the paperwork for her to resign her commission. The fact that her resignation was now by the order of the Council instead of her request would make the entire process quicker. That cleared a lot of procedural obstacles out of her way and guaranteed that the request would be granted.

Near the time for the Council meeting, Anderson received a message that resulted in him ushering her out of his office and the meeting with the Council being delayed by one hour. Faced with some unexpected free time and yet not enough time to return to the Normandy, Shepard decided to have lunch in the Embassy's dining facility. Dealing with the Council for the second time in one day was not something that should be done on an empty stomach. Though the idea of Udina finally having to account for every petty action he had taken against her two years ago certainly made this particular meeting with the Council seem more palatable.

Now that Humanity was a full member of the Citadel instead of an associate member, their embassy was not located in with the associate members where it had been before, but in a new, larger complex of offices. Much to Shepard's surprise the embassy's dining facility looked more like a mid-grade restaurant than the cafeteria she had been expecting and boasted a decent selection of food and drink from Earth and it's colony worlds. That included Shepard's Pie and Guinness Irish Stout beer on tap, two things Amanda hadn't tasted in over three years. She made a beeline for the bar, sat down on an empty stool, and gestured for the bartender.

An hour later she and Anderson were waiting in front of the three holographic emitters as they activated, showing the forms of the other three Councilors. "Councilor Anderson, Spectre Shepard," Councilor Tevos greeted them before turning her attention to the human Councilor, "We have reviewed the Alliance records you forwarded Councilor Anderson, they were very informative."

There was an undertone of displeasure in the asari Councilor's voice which the human Spectre devoutly hoped was not about to be directed her way. Tevos rarely betrayed any sign of an emotional reaction to anything besides reasoned calm, and the fact that the asari was coming into this meeting so obviously irritated at what she had read made Shepard wary. She was also completely caught off guard by this unexpected turn of events. When had Anderson even had the time to request these records? It must have been during one of their breaks, she realized, and was why the meeting had been delayed. The Councilors had needed that time to read and discuss the information in them.

Councilor Valern turned toward her, "Spectre Shepard, it appears that you have never been reimbursed for your initial weapons and armor purchase from Citadel Security's Supplies and Requisitions after you were made a Spectre?"

Alright, so it appeared they were going to start with confirming the information they had found in the Alliance records, Shepard mused. "I have not Councilor," she replied with a slight frown. Did that mean she should have been?

Councilor Tevos spoke next, "The Alliance also refused to pay for any expenses related to non-Alliance members including even essentials such as food and medical supplies?"

"That is also correct Councilor," she responded. Obviously Anderson had requested this data after they discussed that particular fact. He had been livid about it and, like she, had suspected Udina's special brand of pettiness behind the Alliance's denial of her supply requests.

She had barely finished her reply to the asari Councilor before Councilor Valern asked his next question, "From these records it appears you financed the armor, weapons, food and supplies you needed for yourself and your team by surveying mineral deposits for the Alliance and turning over several significant archeological finds to their respective governments for reward fees?"

Shepard nodded, "Normandy's crew would begin scanning the entire system as soon as the mission team left. After the mission was completed we would follow up on anything interesting they detected. We also refurbished and sold any weapons we seized to either the Alliance or Citadel Security."

"Yes," the salarian Councilor responded, not sounding particularly pleased, "It does seem to have been quite the profitable system you had set up to finance your primary mission...and also time consuming."

Ah, so that was his problem with it, and probably the fact that they had continued long after the point when it was strictly necessary. By then the crew had divided into three survey teams, one for each of the sensor stations available, and were informally competing against one another to see which team could locate the most resources the fastest. She hadn't wanted to call a stop to something which had turned into a game for them and was keeping morale up. "We tried to be as efficient as possible Councilor, but yes, it did take time away from our efforts to find Saren. However, the supplies, ammunition and weapons we bought with the funds were necessary for our success. We would have not prevailed against Saren's forces without being equipped with the best armor and weapons available."

"While I do not dispute that fact Spectre Shepard," Valern commented curtly, "my problem lies with the fact that you continued to accumulate credits after that point. Records show the Normandy Fund's total at disbursement was close to nine million credits."

"Morale," Shepard answered simply, drawing puzzled expressions from all four Councilors, even Anderson. "We started out of necessity and then the crew turned it into an informal competition between the three survey teams. Each team even worked out their own sensor algorithms trying to develop the most sensitive and accurate ones possible. Once we had the equipment we needed and the credits to buy enough supplies for four months, I let them continue with the caveat that we would only spend a maximum of three extra hours in any system since the entire crew was still intensely interested in the project." She smiled wryly, "That only encouraged them to develop plans to maximize the credits we could make in that amount of time by going to only the most promising finds and making multiple Mako drops and retrievals. Joker got very good at dropping the Mako close to the target location." She met the salarian Councilor's gaze and with all seriousness said, "That practice was one of the reasons he was able to successfully drop the Mako in a twenty meter landing zone on Ilos and one of the reasons I trusted him to make it." The other reason had been that Joker hadn't been bragging when he said he was one of the best pilots in the Alliance Fleet, he was that good.

The salarian considered her answer for a few seconds before nodding, "Very well, Captain Kirrahe commented upon the lack of living space aboard the Normandy given the size of the crew. I can understand why crew morale would have been of significant concern to you."

Shepard had to contain her amused smirk at his response. She would bet Kirrahe had commented extensively upon both. Though grateful for their survival, the salarian STG Captain and his surviving team members had been quite happy to leave their makeshift accommodations on the Normandy's Storage deck for the more familiar and relatively spacious surroundings of an STG vessel.

"I assume you are also unaware that Spectres receive a salary from the Citadel government as well as the standard governmental employee benefits such as medical and disability insurance once they cease any other prior employment?" Councilor Valern stated his question, making it clear he expected only one response to it.

After a moment's surprise Shepard nodded, the realization that was why Nassana Dantius had made the comment about her being paid well for being the Council’s hired killer, going through her mind. She had been part of the military for so long that she had forgotten she would need things like medical insurance, and she had to wonder exactly what kind of salary Spectres received.

"We do not expect our Spectres to fund themselves," Councilor Valern continued, his tone dry enough that it was quite clear he thought she was rather ignorant to have thought they didn't pay their Spectres. "They are supposed to be performing their duties, not trying to figure out how they will get to their mission site, the equipment necessary to complete the mission, or basic essentials such as food, shelter, clothing and medical care."

"Such a lack of funding would also make it difficult for us to compete against employment offers from private companies and retain the services of our Spectres," Councilor Tevos added, her tone slightly condescending. Beside the asari, the salarian Councilor nodded his agreement with her statement. Shepard fought the impulse to scowl at them, they didn't need to rub it in the fact that they thought she had made a stupid assumption quite so much, maybe this was a bit of payback for earlier.

She was half expecting Councilor Tevos to ask the next question, but Councilor Metellus spoke instead, "Alliance records show that you went on no less than six missions for the Alliance at the direct request of Admiral Hackett." The turian pointed at her and lectured, "This is why Spectres are especially required to resign any military or governmental positions once they are accepted, they cannot be answerable to any other authority but the Council's."

"I did, and you are correct," Shepard agreed readily. "That was one of the primary reasons why I was planning to resign my commission even before you informed me it was required. However, I would like to point out that accepting those missions worked out well for you, Councilors," she stated firmly.

"Why do you say that Spectre Shepard?" inquired Councilor Tevos, before any one else spoke.

"When the Normandy showed up at Acturus station and asked for the Alliance's help Admiral Hackett gave it, and when I suggested he use the distraction the Destiny's Ascension provided to attack the Geth fleet first and then Sovereign he followed my recommendation without even asking me to further justify my reasoning. I'm not sure either would have happened without the goodwill I cultivated with him by agreeing to investigate those situations and resolving them successfully," she answered frankly.

The three Councilors didn't look as if they liked her answer, but they did seem to accept it, which indicated they had been surprised when the Alliance intervened to help them. They should be, Shepard hadn't been certain Admiral Hackett would follow her suggestion. There was not a great deal of camaraderie in the Alliance military toward the Council or the Council races. Humanity had agreed to the Treaty of Farixen, which severely limited their production of dreadnought class ships, on the assurance that the Citadel Fleet would assist in protecting human colonies if they were ever attacked. However the Council had yet to ever act to protect any human settlement. The widely accepted sentiment in the Alliance military was that it was unlikely they ever would and in reality humanity was on it's own when it came to protecting itself except in the unlikely event that Earth, or Berkenstein since it was so close to the Citadel, came under attack. Their refusal to help after Saren and the Geth attacked Eden Prime had only strengthened that viewpoint, thus asking the Fifth Fleet to help the Citadel Fleet's flagship had been a fairly significant request for her to make.

There was an uncomfortable moment of silence before Councilor Anderson finally spoke, "You stated to me earlier that the Illusive Man had provided you with copies of your Alliance Personnel records." He looked directly at her, "Was what you read in them the real reason you were planning to resign your commission?"

"What I read in them sealed my decision," Shepard stated firmly while meeting his gaze unswervingly. "As I mentioned earlier, I realized before my death that I couldn't go on trying to be both a Spectre and an Alliance officer. The information in my records only showed me how right that decision had been and encouraged me to go ahead and start the process."

Her former commander stared at her for a moment longer and then with a slight sigh, nodded.

"I will be placing a formal protest of Ambassador Udina's actions in passing along confidential diplomatic communications to the Alliance military, Councilor Anderson," Councilor Metellus' words caught Shepard completely by surprise. She turned her head sharply to look at the turian, not quite able to actually believe that he meant it. "Spectre Shepard," the turian Councilor addressed her, "my comments were never meant to be seen by your military superiors and should have never made their way into your official military records to mar a distinguished military career."

Her eyes narrowed on him in bemusement. Who was this turian and what had he done with Ferox Metellus?

"I still do not think you should be a Spectre, however," he announced.

Shepard's brow raised and her lips curved just slightly upward in amusement. Oh, never mind, she thought to herself, it's still him.

"Even though you are clearly not xenophobic," Metellus allowed, "you still do not understand what it means to be a citizen of the wider galactic community. You cannot because Humanity simply has not been a part of it for a sufficient amount of time." He must have finally caught on to her amusement because he paused for a second to frown at her. Shepard immediately smoothed her expression into what she hoped was a suitably grave one. "You are rash," he continued with a bit more of a growl to his voice, "Make impulsive decisions based solely on your emotions and without regard to the future safety of the galaxy. Most importantly, you do not have any loyalty to the Council," he finished as if that was the direst accusation of all.

Shepard's eyebrows rose, so that was his main problem with her? She wasn't blindly obedient and loyal like a proper turian would be to him? "You are right Councilor," she replied crisply, "I am not, nor do I see why you would expect me to be loyal." That certainly seemed to surprise him. "Loyalty is something earned, something personal between two people, it’s not something that comes along with the title. If you believe you have the automatic loyalty of a human then you believe a lie. The most you can expect is their duty...which is exactly what you have of me." She could see the sneer forming, her tone and demeanor altered, "Considering what I've done so far out of duty, I wouldn't be too quick to scoff at it or to toss it aside as meaningless," she advised him sternly.

She ignored Anderson jerking his head around to stare at her searchingly. He had done that in the earlier meeting as well, but not as openly as now.

Councilor Tevos observed the two of them for a moment before asking her next question, "Spectre Shepard, do you have an opinion on why Ambassador Udina kept the information about the Spectres from you?"

"To control me," Shepard promptly replied, she had given quite a lot of thought to this during her hour long break. "As the senior Ambassador to the Council he had a lot of political clout with the Alliance military. He was quite open about using it to make my life difficult and ruin my military career if I didn't do what he wanted."

The three non-human Council members looked taken aback by her frank response. Perhaps they hadn't considered that he would act so openly, not that she blamed them she had been rather stunned at the time as well. "What did he want you to do," the asari Councilor inquired after a brief glance at her colleagues.

"First, get rid of all the non-human crew I had taken on since he thought that they detracted from the message that Humanity was strong enough to get things done on their own. Two, complete my missions the way he wanted: in the Alliance's clear favor and so that my actions reflected well on his career. From what I could tell," Shepard shrugged, "I was actually supposed to be his and the Alliance's personal Spectre. With my ultimate allegiance not to the Council, but to him and the Alliance. When I deviated from that plan, he went after me, probably believing that I would cave in to his demands."

"What I fail to understand," the salarian Councilor commented both to her and to his fellow Council members, "is how he expected his deception would continue to go unnoticed? Eventually we would have mentioned the requirement for Spectre Shepard to leave the Alliance military and it would have become clear what he had done."

"Would it have?" Shepard responded before anyone else could reply, drawing the Council's attention back to her. "You didn't know me or have any particular reason to trust me and neither did I have any reason to trust any of you." And still don't, Shepard thought to herself. "If I had been the type of person to cooperate with him, he could have claimed to have just found out you were forcing me to leave the Alliance at the six month mark and kept my allegiance to him and the Alliance intact. Neither you nor I would have realized what he had done." She paused for just a moment before continuing, "As I was not, I'm sure he had some way of making it appear as if I had received the data packet but had ignored it. According to his plans and given the roadblocks he put in place to hamper me, by that time I should have only been able to partially accomplish my mission or completely failed at it. At that point I'm sure it would have been a simple matter to persuade you to revoked my Spectre status and ignore what you would have seen as my excuses."

"You believe he would have sacrificed your colonies to Saren and his Geth?" Councilor Valern sounded doubtful.

"I have to agree," Anderson didn't look very pleased as he said this, "Udina can be self-serving, but he wouldn't let human colonies be destroyed."

"Yes, but consider my history," Shepard pointed out grimly. "It's the same thing Cerberus is playing on now, that I wouldn't let those colonies get wiped out. What he didn't count on was me finding a way around the obstacles he put in my path."

Councilor Metellus pointed at her, "Your emotions are a weakness if they allow you to be manipulated Shepard, one that you need to learn to control."

Shepard thought that was the first piece of genuine advice that the turian Councilor had ever given her, even if it was a double edged sword for him given how frequently he tried to provoke her. She observed him contemplatively for a moment and then inclined her head in agreement. "You are correct Councilor Metellus, there is a fine balancing act between letting one's emotions be a source of strength and letting one's emotions become a way for others to control your actions."

The turian Councilor stared hard at her, catching on quick to the more subtle meaning in her reply as she calmly returned his gaze.

"You have presented an interesting theory," Councilor Valern smoothly commented before the turian Councilor could say anything more.

Shepard turned her attention to him and nodded, unfazed by his pointing out that it was just a theory because he was correct. Without any evidence it was just her theory, she might be wrong. She didn't think she was however, or at least she didn't think her guess was too far off. "And without investigation into his records it's the best guess I have about his motives and thinking," she replied.

"There is one other issue to address before we end this meeting," Councilor Tevos said after a moment when no one else spoke. "Spectre Shepard, you stated to Chief Williams that you had concerns about Cerberus implanting you with a control chip."

The sudden shift in topics surprised Shepard. "Concerns that they might, yes I do," she replied, wondering where exactly the asari was going with this and how concerned she needed to be.

"We have arranged for a medical scan to be taken of you to ensure there isn't already such a device implanted within you. Will you agree to this?" Councilor Tevos asked her.

Shepard stared at them bemused that they still hadn't bothered to ask her about what had happened to her in the past two years. Then she shrugged, she didn't really want to discuss it with them anyway, and perhaps this was their way of verifying or disproving what she had told Ashley. "I have no objections to that. I would of course like to know the results." She wondered what they would say when they got the results and saw the extent of what had to be replaced.

"Of course," the asari agreed readily, "the results will be available to you once the analysis of the scans is completed. I do not believe it would be wise to forward them to you."

With that Shepard had no disagreement, "No, it would not and I wouldn't trust what the message said in that case anyway. Not with Cerberus monitoring every communication that goes in and out of that ship."

Councilor Tevos paused for a moment to stare at her searchingly before nodding. The asari glanced at the other Council members, verifying they had no further comments or questions and then returned her attention to Shepard. "Good luck in your investigations Spectre Shepard," the asari stated with a meaningful look just before the holographic projection of her wavered and disappeared along with the salarian and turian Councilors.

Shepard narrowed her eyes, had that meant what she thought it meant? She turned to Anderson who held up one warning hand before she said anything. It certainly looked like it did, the Council agreed with her plan to investigate Cerberus as much as possible and determine if they had any less than altruistic motives behind going after the Collectors, while trying to stop the Collectors. Anderson silently motioned for her to follow him; they exited his office and turned left, going further into the building. Two high security doors later they paused outside of a room with a prominent No Unauthorized Access sign. Shepard's brow rose as Anderson entered a code, put his hand on a DNA sensor, leaned forward for a retina scan and stated his name aloud.

He exhaled what sounded like a sigh of relief as the door unlocked and commented, "If I messed up any one of those we would have had a squad of Marines here in less than ten seconds." Shepard smiled, now comprehending his reaction and followed him into the room. She recognized the look of it instantly; this was a secure room for viewing and discussing top secret information. It was bare-walled and minimally furnished with only a table and chairs to make it harder to bug and easier for the technicians doing the daily surveillance sweep to certify that it was still secure.

Anderson waited until the door closed before turning to her and saying, "Now we can discuss your investigation into Cerberus."

Shepard leaned against one smoothly polished metal wall and crossed her arms over her chest, "So how much of what I told Ashely did they believe?" She wasn't holding out any great hopes, but obviously the other three Council members had believed something.

"Not the part about the Reapers," he responded with a resigned shrug and Shepard nodded, she hadn't expected them to believe that part anyway. "However I was able to argue that we needed to find out who is controlling the Collector's and what their plans are for the colonists they have abducted. Between the nature of the plague they released on Omega and the fact they have taken nearly a million humans so far, it wasn't that difficult to persuade them that whomever or whatever is controlling the Collectors might be a danger to Citadel space and needed to be investigated."

Shepard straightened at that piece of surprising news, "So they acknowledge that something is operating behind the scenes and controlling the Collectors?" She was a bit bewildered about why they believed that part of what she had told them was true when they didn't believe her about the Reapers, but she would take what she could get at this point.

"There wasn't any room for doubt," Anderson replied, "not after the research team who studied the Collector corpses you sent presented their report."

Now intently curious, Shepard asked, "What did they find out?"

Anderson replied, "That they are genetically modified protheans for one..."

"What? They’re not protheans," Shepard interrupted him, repulsed by the very suggestion. How could they think that? The Collectors looked and definitely acted nothing like the Protheans.

Anderson frowned at her, startled by her response, "No their not, at least not anymore. The Reapers genetically modified then to serve as organic tools. The researchers were very certain that the Collectors are now incapable of independent thought."

"The indoctrinated," Shepard whispered, her stomach churning with horrified realization, "the Reapers didn't leave all of them to die."

"That would be the obvious conclusion," Anderson agreed grimly, "but more importantly it means they could be doing the same to our colonists." Shepard jerked her head up to stare at him, he was right it made only too much sense. "By the way you were right," he continued, "a ship claiming to be an Alliance vessel landed on Horizon a day after the attack and took every Collector and husk corpse on the colony. If you hadn't insisted Williams take those corpses with her then we would have had nothing. As it is, now the other Councilor's are very concerned about the idea of Cerberus getting their hands on the technology that made the Collectors. And I think Councilor Tevos and Councilor Valern aren't as certain as they were that the Reapers don't exist. Finding out the Collectors were once Prothean shook them up."

Shepard saw the concerned way Anderson was staring at her; it was enough to make her realize she was reacting far too strongly to the news. But the Collectors...it hadn't been enough that the Reapers had methodically wiped out the Edhel, they had mutated some of their indoctrinated slaves into mindless abominations as well and were probably in the process of doing the same to the colonists they had captured. She wanted to do something to express her anger and outrage... White-blue dark energy rippled around her as her biotics reacted to her emotions and only Anderson stepping back hastily from her made her aware of how this must look to him.

Shepard stared at him as the mass effect field around her dissipated. He was wary of her, she could see it in his dark eyes...it didn't make her feel good. She turned sharply away from him, pacing toward the far wall as she took a few deep breaths and repeated Lindariel's mantra to herself - build a wall, a smooth, cool wall between the emotions and the memories, tall and white and cool and still. Now was not the time, she would deal with her feelings later. She pivoted, facing her old commander once again, but now with a solid measure of calm.

"I apologize for letting my emotions get the better of me," she said quietly.

Seeing that her temper was back under her control, Anderson relaxed. "I don't think I've ever seen you show any evidence of your biotics before," he commented, still watching her closely.

Shepard hesitated for a moment, not sure she wanted to discuss this now and then realized that the medical scan she had agreed to would clearly show the changes in her eezo nodules. "That would be because my biotics were hardly worth using before." Anderson's confused frown prompted her to explain, "While I was dead, Cerberus gave me an upgrade. They did something to my eezo nodules to make them receptive like they are at puberty and then exposed me to a dose of eezo. I'm a lot stronger of a biotic than I used to be. It's been quite a change," she admitted, "for one I never really had to worry much before about my biotics reacting to my emotions. I started so late in my training that it took a lot of concentration to do anything with my biotics much less worry about my eezo nodules firing without me concentrating on them." Shepard grimaced, "As you just saw that's not the case anymore."

"I thought that was impossible," Anderson exclaimed, his confusion very evident.

Shepard smiled wryly, "I did too, but there's no arguing with the fact that my biotics are far stronger than they were before I died." If Anderson didn't want to ask her what had happened to her, she wasn't about to bring up the fact that what Cerberus had done could only be done to a corpse.

He appeared taken aback by her frank comment, then he nodded and asked, "Are you training with someone?"

It was Shepard's turn to nod, "Samara is training me."

After his initial surprise at her answer, Anderson's his expression turned thoughtful. "I imagine she's quite experienced," he commented.

Shepard snorted, "I'd be surprised if she's not around 700 or older. She's been a Justicar for 400 years and is a very powerful combat biotic. I'm learning quite a lot from her." She paused for a second before admitting with a wince, "Though I'll admit I'm not looking forward to confessing what just happened to her, I suspect there will be more meditative exercises in my future. She is a firm believer in self-discipline."

At that comment he grinned in amusement and remarked, "It's good for you."

She mock scowled at him, "I'm sure I'll think about that when she's lecturing me on the necessity of self-control."

That just widened his smile. Certainly Shepard was exaggerating to the point of an outright lie, though it was quite possible that Samara would have something to say about the matter and that the asari might recommend a specific form of meditation or exercise to help her maintain control over her biotics when she was feeling emotional. There was a reason for it however; she wanted to make sure Anderson didn't feel as if he needed to arrange for a biotic trainer. She could hardly tell him her primary biotic teachers were prothean and had been dead for quite some time, not without opening up a can of worms that she absolutely did not want opened right now.

Anderson's smile faded and he drew in a deep breath, uncertainty flickering for a moment across his features before resolve replaced it. "Shepard are you alright? You reacted pretty strongly to what I said, and from what Ashley said to me about how you reacted on Horizon you reacted pretty strongly there as well."

Shepard stared at him; she would have given anything for him to have asked that during her first visit. Now...well several different people, Rayna and the Rachni Queen, Samara, Garrus, and Tali, as well as the collected life wisdom in her prothean memories, had gotten her past the point where she needed this kind of support from him. "I'm doing alright," she responded reassuringly. She suspected it had been her temper and her refusal to look at the scan Ashley had taken of her head which had set off alarms within his mind, "I even have a good idea of exactly what the medical scans they're going to do of me will show. I sat down with Miranda Lawson, the Cerberus operative in charge of the team that got me back on my feet, and asked her how they managed to do it a little over a week ago."

"That's good to know, what about what just happened?" he didn't sound persuaded.

Shepard paused, what exactly to tell him without revealing the facts she wanted to keep hidden. "That had more to do with the Cipher and the beacon message; over time it’s become clearer and more understandable... as have the thoughts and emotions of the prothean who sent it."

"Wait, the beacon message isn't just images and sound, but actual thoughts?" Anderson said his astonishment clear.

Shepard found it interesting that he and Miranda had assumed the same thing. She explained, "That's why the message was initially so confusing and stayed that way until I...well I guess you would say I processed the information in the Cipher enough to understand not only the language spoken, but his thoughts as well."

"His?" Anderson latched onto the word.

"Ksan Ishad, the Chief Overseer of the research facility on Ilos, he was the one who sent the message," Shepard explained.

Anderson was silent as he considered that piece of information, and then he frowned, "That’s very interesting, but what does that have to do with the way you reacted?"

Shepard knew she had to be careful not to sound too knowledgeable; she didn't want to imply she knew any more than was needed to understand the beacon message. "Because in order to be able to understand someone's thoughts you need to have a basic understanding of their culture. From what I can tell, Prothean culture was in many ways a cross between one of the stricter versions of our Asian honor based cultures with a very turian like emphasis on placing the good of the Empire and their people ahead of their personal goals as well as an inclination for public service."

She continued, "Ksan Ishad was repulsed and appalled that protheans had been indoctrinated and forced to betray their people. To know they had been turned into mindless abominations in the service of the very race that wiped out the Empire..." Shepard shook her head, to be trapped in an honorless existence with no hope of escape was a truly horrifying fate, but perhaps whatever remained was as soulless as a machine as well. "I can only think that his opinion of that would be much worse."

Shepard met Anderson's gaze, "You aren't personally affected by the information that the Collectors were once Protheans," she said to him, "but in essence I know one prothean and I know how upset he was when they found out that some of their people had been indoctrinated. It makes it have more of an emotional connection for me, almost as much as the idea they are doing the same to the human colonists they've taken."

His dark eyes widened a little in understanding before he nodded, "Alright that makes sense, but still...”

"I know," she acknowledged ruefully, "I can't go around flaring my biotics every time I get upset about something. I'll find some training information on the extranet and talk to Samara, find out how biotics control it."

He stared at her searchingly for a moment trying to discern her level of sincerity and then nodded, "If those don't work out let me know, I know a teacher at Grissom Academy who can help."

Shepard was surprised at the offer and touched by it, "I will," she promised, though she doubted she would need it.

Now that they seemed to be done with the topic of her mental well being, at least for the time being, Shepard focused her attention on the information that had elicited the reaction from her. That the Reapers had transformed some of the indoctrinated Protheans into Collectors and that the Collectors were nothing more than organic tools incapable of independent thought. She forced herself to consider the situation logically, what else could she infer from the information?

Well, given that Cerberus had taken Collector and husk corpses from the colony before the Alliance team could arrive, the Illusive Man was probably already aware of this fact and hadn't wanted to share it with her or her team and evidently didn't want to share it with the Alliance or Council either. Why hadn't he and why wouldn't he? Or maybe the better question to ask was what advantage did he get from keeping the information from everyone? Maybe because he knew that she and the Council would suspect the same thing, Shepard mused, that he was interested in the technology the Reapers used to create the Collectors.

Well she had suspected there was a less than altruistic ulterior motive behind Cerberus' actions in bringing her back and in sending her against the Collectors and this certainly fit the bill as a strong possibility. "Cerberus has tried to create obedient shock troops in the past," she remarked, "the Council has a very good reason to be wary of the idea of them getting their hands on that type of technology. I have no doubt they would use it if they thought it would give them an advantage."

She drew in a deep breath, there was something else she had no doubt the Illusive Man would dearly like to get their hands on as well. "They would also be very interested in the Reaper's indoctrination technology," Shepard pointed out. "I'm certain he would consider the ability to 'persuade' key political figures to subtly support Cerberus' agenda to be a very useful one." Honestly she wouldn't trust anyone not to give into the temptation to use the technology if they had access to it.

Anderson looked as if he wished she hadn't brought up the possibility. "That technology alone could set all of us at each other’s throats," he commented, his expression set in grim lines. "It would set off a galaxy wide paranoia even if some way could be found to detect those affected by it."

Shepard nodded, "I understand, we cannot risk such technology falling into Cerberus' hands..." She hesitated for a moment and then with a grimace continued, "Unfortunately, I don't think remaining in total ignorance of the technology is a prudent idea either. We need to understand it well enough to detect it and hopefully even develop a method to combat it, because the Reapers will use it against us just like they did with the Protheans."

Anderson frowned as he listened to her and Shepard could see that she had made her point. "Then it needs to be given to all of us. With everyone watching each other, any one race will hopefully be less likely to use it." Their gazes met, each one holding no delusions as to how trustworthy any government, no matter whose, would be with this kind of temptation placed before them.

Shepard had nothing else to add to the subject of Cerberus' possible intentions and when Anderson didn't immediately speak up she asked, "Did you have anything else for me?" As soon as he shook his head, she said, "Recently I received a piece of rather interesting news I think you might want to hear."

Anderson looked both hopeful and curious and Shepard gave him a slight smile, it was nice to be able to give him some new ammunition to use in his battle to get them to believe. "First let me give you some background information about the salarian researcher who sent me the message. Right after I was made a Spectre, Ashley and I happened to notice this salarian acting furtively around one of the keepers. We stopped to question him and found out that he was scanning them." At his frown, she lifted one hand to forestall his comment, "Yes I know it was illegal, but his scanner worked and the keepers weren't disturbed by it. No one had able to successfully do that before, and I felt the opportunity to learn more about them and perhaps the inner workings of the Citadel was too good an opportunity to pass up so I decided to help him out. Three weeks ago it paid off..."

That statement certainly got Anderson's attention, "Chorban sent me a message, he's learned some very interesting things from his scans and he mentioned something else I think you will find quite intriguing." She held up her omni-tool and tapped in a few commands to transfer a copy of the salarian's message to him. "He's able to show that the keepers are bio-engineered. More importantly, he took some scans of some material from Sovereign and was able to tell that both were engineered millions of years ago by the same people."

To her surprise Anderson looked shocked by this news, "Millions of years," he repeated disbelievingly.

Shepard tilted her head slightly to the side and regarded him with a measure of bewilderment until she realized what was going on. She had already suspected that the Reapers had been doing this for quite some time, therefore Chorban's figure, while grim, wasn't unexpected. Anderson apparently hadn't made the same realization. "There's a reason why the Reapers are so arrogant and certain of their ability to defeat us," Shepard said, "it's because they've been doing this for a very long time, but they’re not used to dealing with any setbacks either. Sovereign had no backup plan once it realized it couldn't just transmit to the Citadel and open the relay. That's why it had to attack the Citadel and why I'm fairly certain that whatever Harbinger is planning will eventually involve another assault here as well."

With a heavy hand, he pulled out a chair and sat down upon it. "I hadn't really wanted to think about that," he admitted.

Shepard understood, but she couldn't ignore what she knew was the most likely scenario. She stared him for a moment as he brought up Chorban's message on his omni-tool to read for himself before turning her attention to another matter. She had told Miranda that at a minimum the Citadel Fleet needed to be upgraded with the same armor, weapons and shields as the new Normandy. There had to be some way to persuade the Council to do that whether they believed her about the Reapers or not.

Thinking about what she had learned today an idea sparked within her mind. The more she considered it and examined it for flaws, the more she thought it just might work. "You realize that if the Council were right that the Geth built Sovereign," Anderson looked at her in surprise as she began speaking to him, "Then it would be logical to assume that the Geth developed indoctrination technology as well and indoctrinated Saren to believe their ship was a Reaper to get his assistance. That explanation has less logic issues than the idea that Sovereign was built by the Geth and then for some reason they completely forgot that fact and believed Saren when he claimed it was a Reaper. If it were true that they both built Sovereign and developed indoctrination technology advanced enough to even indoctrinate a well respected asari matriarch, then I'd be concerned about the idea of the Geth building more such ships."

“Except that we haven't seen significant signs of any major Geth activity,” he pointed out, his dark eyes searching as he tried to figure out where she was going with this.

"Have you scouted inside the Persus Veil?" she immediately countered.

"No, we haven't," he admitted after a moment.

She could tell he was still trying to figure out where she was going with this line of reasoning. "Then how would you known they simply aren't taking the time to build a few of them to ensure their next attempt doesn't fail?” she questioned lightly. “I’d still be worried about them if I were the Council, maybe even take some steps to prepare for the possibility of another attack in the future.”

Anderson's eyes widened briefly and then he smiled, "If that were true, then what would you suggest Spectre Shepard?"

Shepard returned his smile, "With the armor they have, the Destiny Ascension held up pretty well to the Geth's attacks, and I understand the turian's have reverse engineered one of Sovereign's weapons," that got her a sharp look, and not a look like he didn't know, but more a one of how did she know that. Blithely she continued, "In a few weeks, a ship building company on Terra Nova will be working out a deal with Tali’Zorah vas Neema for the rights to use a recently developed quarian technology for a rapidly oscillating kinetic barrier design called a Cyclonic Barrier. I’ll be adding that to the existing barrier defenses on the new Normandy as soon as that happens. It should allow our kinetic barriers to actually stand up to a few attacks from a Collector ship instead of simply failing as they did in the first Normandy. If I were the Council, I'd be very interested in acquiring that technology for their ships."

His expression grave he warned her, "The Council won't be pleased to hear that Cerberus knows about the Thantix Cannon. I assume your ship already has the Silaris armor as well?"

Shepard didn't give a damn if the Council didn't like it; they weren't giving her any support. "Yes it does,” she verified, “and I’m sorry they might feel that way, but we're going to need every edge we can get if we're to have any chance at success at stopping the Collectors and whatever Cerberus has planned," she stated firmly.

"Cerberus is not providing you any support; it's just your ship?" Anderson sounded surprised...and worried.

Shepard smiled bitterly, "Yes I know, it does cause one to wonder. As many times as the Illusive Man has mentioned this is a suicide mission, I have my suspicions that he might be anticipating we won't be returning from it. I'm sure that figures into a crew that’s either almost completely inexperienced or former Alliance, as well as his willingness to let me recruit non-humans.” She crossed her arms and looked him directly in the eyes, “Sometimes I even get the impression he might just prefer that outcome for his own reasons."

 

**Citadel - Presidium, Central Medical Facility, Medical Research Wing**

Shepard stormed out of the room, leaving the salarian still babbling his apologies from where he was huddled in one corner. She needed to leave before she did anything truly violent to the overly enthusiastic young salarian researcher with whom she had been left alone after the asari doctor stepped out to take a call. Shepard didn't think he had intended to be completely insensitive and inappropriate in his commentary or in his prodding and supplementary scanning of her body, but he had certainly managed to do both very well.

The medical scans had been completed; she had only stayed to see if the doctor happened to have noticed anything suspicious about them. She hadn't stayed to be informed by the doctor's research assistant that over half her skeletal structure and musculature was now biosynthetic, or that the young salarian had never seen or heard of anyone else who had so much of their original body replaced and augmented. She had been dealing with him, if feeling increasingly stressed by his commentary, until he had begun talking about the fact that all of her skin had been replaced. Then he had scanned her groin, wondering aloud if there had been any need to reconstruct her genital region and if so how it had been done and if any synthetics had been used in that reconstruction as well.

Fortunately for him, he had been using a hand held scanner at the time because she had ripped it out of his hand with her biotics before he so much as glanced at the results and had warped it into electronic fragments without even consciously thinking about what she had been doing. The thought of Wilson rebuilding or even touching her down there was enough to make her feel nauseous and pray that Miranda had personally handled any such reconstruction that had needed to be done. If she felt the need to find out she would ask the other woman, but she would definitely not learn the answer from this salarian who sounded as if he had in mind publishing a paper on the details of her reconstruction.

"Enough!" she had declared sternly as she raised her arms, her biotics lifting everything in the room with her gesture that wasn't bolted to the floor about 15 cm in the air. Then, with clenched fists and a jerk of her arms downward, she had slammed them back down forcefully upon the floor. The resulting sound, a rather loud boom as a desk, a few chairs, and an examination table struck the hard, dark grey surface of the floor all at the same time, had been the perfect emphasis to her chastisement and had terrified the salarian. That had been the point when he had dove for the nearest corner and had started frantically apologizing in an effort to appease her wrath.

She was getting a flare of pain from her amplifier about the profligate use of her biotics now, but it had been worth it to see the salarian realize that perhaps pissing off the biotic human Spectre hadn't been the brightest thing for him to do. No one, asari, turian, salarian, human, volus, or even the one elcor, made any effort to stop her; instead they quickly cleared out of her way after one glance at her forbidding expression as she strode swiftly through the halls on her way out of the building.

Shepard thought she had put to rest most of her issues with what Cerberus had done to bring her back to life. Judging from her reaction just a few minutes ago however, it seemed that simply wasn't true. Not that she had learned anything truly unexpected, just unthought of... For example, she hadn't known that her hands had been extensively rebuilt, she certainly hadn't ever thought about the possibility that very personal parts of her body might have needed to be reconstructed, and Miranda hadn't mentioned exactly what percentage of her body had needed to be replaced with synthetics. She paused for a moment as she exited the building, glancing around to get her bearings; she hadn't been to this part of the Presidium before today.

"Commander Shepard," the young looking asari in a consort acolyte's gown took an uncertain step back as the armed and armored human whirled around to face her.

Seeing the distinctive gown, Shepard made an effort to control her temper and gentle her demeanor. "It's Spectre Shepard actually," she corrected the lavender hued asari in carefully even tones, "how may I assist you Acolyte ?"

The young asari smiled, "Aeryna, Spectre Shepard," she introduced herself. "Consort Sha'ira wishes to speak with you, she sent me to deliver her message."

Shepard had written back to Sha'ira and thanked the Consort for the kind message the asari had sent her right after her first visit to the Citadel. Perhaps this summons concerned the rather cryptic advice the Consort had given her in that message about ensuring that those who fought with her now did so with clear minds and glad hearts. She would certainly appreciate a little more explanation than what had been in the message. "Very well Acolyte Aeryna," she replied with unconscious formality, "Did Consort Sha'ira wish to see me now or at a later time?"

"Now would be fine Spectre Shepard, she is awaiting you," the young asari pointed across the lake in the direction of the Presidium Financial District. "If you wish, I could summon us a cab or we could walk?"

Shepard didn't have to think about her reply, between the unexpected news that the Collectors had once been prothean and the unpleasant experience she had just had with the young salarian, she needed to clear her mind before speaking with Sha'ira and walking there would give her that opportunity. "If you would go on ahead and let the Consort know I will be arriving shortly I would appreciate it, I need a little time by myself before meeting with her."

She was bemused by the brief look of disappointment that crossed the asari maiden's expression, but then with a short bow Aeryna replied, "Of course, Spectre Shepard I will deliver your reply to her."

Puzzled by the asari's behavior, Shepard watched for a few seconds longer as the acolyte turned and departed before turning toward the nearest bridge across the lake. She was half way across it before realization dawned, causing her steps to falter and then stop. Shepard stared out over the carefully groomed and landscaped vista before her, her mind only briefly registering its beauty before focusing on her thoughts. She hadn't thought about Samara's warning that asari would find her interesting even if they couldn't read her aura well enough to understand why she felt different from other humans since the night the justicar had informed her of the influence the prothean memories were having upon her aura.

Shepard was certain that Sha'ira would prove to be adept at reading auras and would quickly sense that her aura had shifted rather drastically in the two years since she had last talked to the asari. She needed to decide how she was going to answer the Consort's inevitable questions before their meeting. Perhaps she should make up an excuse and not meet with Sha'ira especially with everything else that had happened today? Shepard considered the question for a long moment as she stared out over the waters of the lake. She suspected that was probably the smartest decision and yet she didn't really want to do that because she remembered how much Sha’ira had helped her two years ago. The Consort was a very wise and compassionate person, and quite frankly there were some things she would be more comfortable discussing with Sha’ira than with Samara. The negative thoughts and emotions brought on the what the young salarian had told her, the unpleasant possibility he had brought up, and his treatment of her as a thing to be prodded, studied and written about without a thought as to how she might feel about it was one of them.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The Mass Effect universe is the property of Bioware/Electronic Arts. No infringement of these copyrights is intended as this is a not for profit fan fiction work.
> 
> Warning: Sexual content
> 
> Notes: This is an Alternate Universe story, and is inspired by the Beyonce song “Save the Hero,” from the album I am…Sasha Fierce. The portrayal of Cerberus in my story is heavily influenced by the contents of the second and third Mass Effect books, Ascension and Retribution. The Prothean language I’m using is a mixture of Quenyanna and Sindarin, languages originally created by Tolkien.
> 
> Chapter Notes: Liuhebafla is an actual martial art. The word is Cantonese and translates as Six Harmonies Eight Methods. The six harmonies are the reason I chose it for this story: Mind and Body Combine, Mind and Intent Combine, Intent and Chi Combine, Chi and Spirit Combine, Spirit and Movement Combine, Movement and Emptiness Combine.
> 
> Rating: Adult
> 
> Feedback: Always welcome, feedback is what encourages me to keep writing. Please let me know what you like and what you dislike about the story. Thank you to my beta readers on the Kudara.fiction yahoo group for their suggestions and feedback which lead to this being a much better chapter than it would have been otherwise.
> 
> Errors and Corrections: Yes, please let me know about any errors you see so that I can correct them. This is un-beta’ed so it probably has a few.
> 
> Ch. 28 revision: Added a few things to the end of the first section with Tela Vasir on Illium where the story is written from Liara’s point of view.
> 
> Revision History: 03/26/2011

**Citadel - Presidium, Financial District, Consort Sha’ira’s Chambers – early evening of the first day of 48 hours Citadel shore leave**

Twenty minutes after the acolyte had delivered her message Shepard walked into the Consort's Chambers. Sha'ira was waiting for her seated on one of the couches to the side. In front of the Consort was a tray with an asari styled teapot and two cups as well as a selection of fruits and cheeses upon a low table.

Sha'ira rose as she entered, "Amanda," the asari said with warm welcome as she came to greet the human. The Consort rested her slender, elegant hands on the human's arms and pressed the side of her face against Amanda's in an almost human-style Continental greeting.

"Sha'ira," Shepard murmured in reply, reaching out and lightly placing her hands upon the asari's waist while drawing in a breath of familiar perfume that immediately brought up pleasant memories of their time together. The Consort pulled away after a moment, a slight frown upon her face as she intently studied the human woman. Amanda stifled a resigned sigh, well that hadn't taken very long at all.

"I know my aura has changed," Amanda responded to Sha'ira's unspoken confusion, suspecting that the fact that she knew about auras at all, much less knowing that hers had perceptibly changed, would surprise the asari. "I've been through a few things since I last spoke with you at Nelyna's memorial," she explained. Her lips curved in a wry smile which held more than a touch of bitterness that had to be one of the biggest understatements she had made in her entire life.

Sha'ira did look surprised and then concerned as the asari took in Amanda's expression. The Consort's deep blue eyes searched the humans light grey ones for several silent seconds before she finally commented, "Not many humans know about auras."

So she was right, Amanda thought, "Samara taught me about them after mentioning mine was different."

The asari tilted her head slightly to the side, "Justicar Samara," Sha'ira commented with an intrigued expression, "she came with you?"

Had everyone heard about her adventures on Illium, Shepard wondered. In retrospect, she was surprised that none of the Council members had mentioned anything about it; she hadn't exactly been discreet in her actions there. "Yes she did," Amanda confirmed, "and has been Goddess sent as far as I'm concerned. It's been good for me to have someone around with whom I can speak to freely without my rank or position being a concern."

The Consort's brow rose slightly at that, the asari observed her intently for a moment longer and then a subtle smile curved her lips as Sha'ira commented, "Not many beings would chose a Justicar to confide in Amanda."

Amanda frowned; this was the second time in as many days that someone had commented upon the oddity of her choosing Samara to be the one she confided in instead of someone else. She would have expected Sha'ira of all people to understand, "While she is always a Justicar, Samara is also more than just her position, just as you, Sha'ira, are more than just a Consort...and I am more than just Commander or Spectre Shepard." That was a part of why she trusted both of these asari, they understood what it was to be their positions and yet to also be a person behind the title and role.

"And thus you show your wisdom," Sha'ira responded thoughtfully. "Perhaps you are just coming into your own..." The Consort placed her hands upon Amanda's forearms, as the human's hands were still resting upon her hips and closed her eyes. The asari bowed her head and then remained like that for what seemed like several minutes before finally opening her eyes once again.

Sha'ira seemed absorbed within her own thoughts for several seconds before her gaze finally focused upon the human in front of her. A subtle frown of confusion creased the asari's brow as she stared searchingly into Amanda's eyes. "When I first met you," she finally spoke, "your aura held so much sadness and loss, and yet that loss was balanced by such strength and an indomitable will. Now I sense yet even more loss, so keen that it pains me to feel it even in your aura..." the asari's deep blue eyes closed for a moment. When she opened them again she admitted softly, "I have never felt it's like before."

Amanda drew in a sharp, surprised breath, she hadn't thought that her vague, nebulous dreams of something infinitely precious being riven from her when she was brought back into the mortal world, the dreams she still inevitably woke from with tears dampening her face, would reveal themselves in her aura.

"Yet there is still strength of will and now such a fierce determination to protect," Sha'ira continued as she reached up and gently touched the human's face, her eyes wondering and confused, "But I also sense a depth of maturity and experience about you now that seems impossible for you to have gained in the time since we were last together."

Amanda reached up, wrapped her own hand around the asari's and tugged it downward to rest their entwined hands against her chest. "I am sorry Sha'ira, but I cannot tell you the reason for it," she said firmly, but gently. This, she had decided during her walk here, was the best approach: deny nothing, for the asari would not believe her over the evidence of the Consort's own senses, and simply refuse to address the topic. Sha'ira would assume it was because it was classified, and in a sense it was as everything led back to the Thorian and the Cipher.

"So you know the reason for it," even though her gaze betrayed her continuing concern, the asari was clearly intrigued at that piece of knowledge.

Amanda gave the Sha’ira a reproachful look that was tinged with amusement at the asari’s rather transparent attempt to elicit more information, but otherwise remained silent.

Her response seemed only to intrigue the asari even more though Sha'ira did not say anything else. Instead the asari pulled away and moved back over toward the couch with an undoubtedly purposeful, graceful sway of her hips, which the human Spectre allowed herself a moment to watch and appreciate before following the Consort and taking a seat next to her. Sha'ira poured them some tea and placed the tray of fruits and cheeses between them before she began the conversation again, "Aeryna informed me that you seemed rather upset when she first spoke with you outside the Medical Center."

Amanda glanced over at the asari, impressed with the careful neutrality with which Sha'ira had spoken. "Yes I was," she admitted.

"Is everything well?" careful tones couldn't quite hide the Consort's concern or more likely weren't meant to hide it, Amanda decided; she knew the asari was a very skilled conversationalist.

Shepard abruptly realized that Sha'ira was most likely operating on the assumption that she had been to the Medical Center because she was ill, and that she had left upset because of bad news. "As far as I know," she shook her head a little at the fact she was about to even make this statement, "medically speaking I'm fine." She drew in a breath before asking, "Sha'ira what do you think happened to me these past two years?"

The asari briefly glanced away, "You were reported as being dead."

Shepard could hear the slight withdrawal in her voice. "I was," she replied simply.

Sha'ira's gaze immediately sharpened on woman seated next to her. The asari frowned as she stared, her eyes searching, her gaze growing more troubled as she took in her companion's grave demeanor. She shifted on the couch so that she was angled more toward the human Spectre before quietly asking, "Can you tell me what happened?"

"The Normandy was attacked and destroyed by a Collector vessel," Amanda said, her voice already shading toward a flat tonelessness as she strove to control her emotions. Part of her wasn't certain that she wanted to do this at all, the other part was sure she needed to talk about it. "I was helping Joker...Jeff Moreau my pilot, get to an escape pod when they made their final attack. I didn't make it into the pod, but I did manage to hit the release for it so that Joker made it before I was flung into space by an explosion." She glanced over at Sha'ira, the asari hadn't said a word yet, but her attentive attitude made it clear she was listening.

"Sometime during all that my air supply was damaged. It didn't take long for it to bleed out into vacuum." Amanda kept her eyes moving constantly focusing on different items around her to make sure that the memories flooding her mind didn't take over, the last thing she wanted was to be trapped within them. She was unaware that her hands had clenched into fists upon her thighs, betraying her agitation to the watchful asari. "The last thing I remember before I died was staring through my visor at the planet we were near when we were attacked. It was an ice planet, white clouds upon a white snow and ice covered surface...quite beautiful actually."

Amanda paused, focused her attention on Sha'ira, "Everything I say to you is confidential correct...even from the Council?"

"You don't want the Council to know about this?" the asari's expression and tone was carefully neutral as she watched the human Spectre closely.

Shepard's eyes narrowed as she replied with a hint of bitterness, "I want them to have the decency to ask me in person instead of assuming what they have heard from third parties is true."

Only the slightest widening of Sha'ira's eyes betrayed her reaction to Amanda's tone. "Everything you say here is confidential. Only if I believed you were a danger to yourself or others would I be required to inform Citadel Security, and then I would only tell them that and not any details of why."

Amanda nodded, that sounded very similar to the rules military psychologists were required to follow. Reassured, she continued her tale, "The Collectors contacted the Shadow Broker and through him put up enough of a bounty for my body to get every mercenary group in the Terminus Systems looking for it. The Blue Sun's were the winners; they found my body among the wreckage of the Normandy upon Alchera." She paused for a second, reaching for the cup of tea she had placed on the coffee table and taking a few sips of the delicately spicy brew before continuing. "That would have been the end of me except that friend of mine managed to get my body away from the Shadow Broker's agents before the Collectors could claim it.” Amanda paused for a second still baffled over the fact that Liara would have gone through so much danger and difficulty to claim her body and then turn away from her once she was alive again. Then almost imperceptibly she shook her head, she knew full well that the desire to avoid pain was a powerful motivator and that fear of pain was what was driving Liara now. She refocused on what she had been saying, “And then they handed my body over to Cerberus because they said they could bring me back to life instead of simply burying me."

She glanced over at Sha’ira; the asari appeared composed and calm. One would think the Consort was quite familiar with such situations except for the intensity with which the asari was listening to her. Her gaze dropped to the half full cup in her hands, "I was frozen solid, my body shattered from planetfall, and burned both by the explosion of the Normandy and from entering Alchera's atmosphere. Bio-synthetics and implants were used to replace the parts of my body that were too damaged to be repaired.” She took a deep breath and then a few sips of the tea, using the time to decide what she was comfortable sharing with Sha'ira. She glanced down at her right arm, "I apparently landed on my right side upon Alchera, because the bones of my arm and shoulder were...pulverized. They had to completely replace the shoulder and arm due to the amount of damage done to the bone and tissues." She rotated her wrist and flexed her arm, "They did a good job, if it weren't for the slight difference between the feel of bio-synthetic muscle tissue and regular muscle tissue I'd barely know the difference."

Sha’ira was still listening to her with solemn, thoughtful intentness and seemed quite willing to let her talk at her own pace. "They had to replace other bones too, my right femur, some of my pelvis," Amanda hesitated for a moment and then recalling something the salarian had said added, "the left tibia, radius and ulna bones as well as some of my lumbar vertebrae." Amanda placed both hands around the delicate tea cup, and then flexed them open, holding the cup up between the sides of her palms, "My hands...some of the bones survived, but the skin, most of the muscle tissue and most of the blood vessels didn't." She glanced over to the asari, Sha'ira's gaze was focused upon her hands, but then the Consort looked up and their eyes met. The asari gave her an encouraging nod.

Amanda wrapped her fingers around the cup again before continuing. "Due to the damage done to face," she paused and scowled, "which was worsened when the Blue Sun’s took off my helmet on Alchera, they had to completely rebuild my face using bio-synthetic tissue and skin as well as replace my eyes with cybernetic implants." A memory of glowing orange in the darkness had Shepard shaking her head to drive it away.

Abruptly eager to be done with her explanation, Amanda finished up hurriedly, "Between being frozen and the burns my body received both during the destruction of the Normandy and during reentry, they needed to replace all of my skin. Cerberus also used an experimental technique to increase my biotic abilities." She stopped there, not quite willing just yet to share the fact that her memories had changed along with the rest of her body. "I believe I was dead for almost a year and a half before they actually resuscitated me." She glanced over at the asari, wondering how Sha'ira would respond to what she had told her. Whatever the asari might have expected her to say, it couldn't have been anything like this.

The Consort returned her gaze calmly and didn't immediately say anything. Instead she seemed to be deep in thought about what Amanda had told her already. When Sha'ira finally spoke, she said, "When there has been no blood supplied to the brain for a long period of time, it's usually the neural functions doctors are worried about, the autonomic processes in the brain that control your involuntary muscle systems so that you know how to breathe and your heart to beat. Equally of concern is the state of your neural pathways, your memories, and your higher brain functions. I would think that all of those issues would have quickly become a concern for the Cerberus doctors working on you as well."

The asari wasn't certain whether or not to believe her, Amanda realized, or rather to believe that what Cerberus had told her was the truth. "They were concerned with that," she looked away, "but they ensured my neural pathways were stable early on and then kept me frozen until they were ready to start repairing my body." She paused and then barked out a harsh laugh, "For all I know they kept my head frozen longer than the rest of me." Silence fell between them; Amanda still didn't look over at Sha'ira. She hadn't really wanted to discuss this along with everything else, but it seemed as if it would be necessary.

The silence ticked on for a few seconds longer before Sha'ira inquired, "Do you know how they ensured your neural pathways were stable?"

Amanda let out a resigned breath and finally turned her head back toward the asari. Sha'ira was watching her, the edges of her purple colored lips curved slightly downward in a frown of concern. "They flooded my neural tissues with synthetic drell neurochemicals to make sure I didn't lose my memories...I guess it must have worked on everything else you mentioned as well."

Concerned blue eyes met reticent grey, the asari was silent for several seconds before she softly inquired, "Has that had any side affects?"

Amanda gaze shifted to the now almost empty tea cup in her hands, she nodded, "It has," she admitted. "It permanently changed my past memories and has affected how my new memories are formed and stored. My memory is drell-like now. Fortunately for me I have a drell crew member who’s taught me how to deal with my memories so I don't get caught up in them while remembering past events."

Sha'ira made an ‘ah’ like sound as if she had realized something. Startled by it, Amanda looked over at her inquisitively. "Your gaze keeps shifting around the room. It seemed familiar to me, but I knew you didn't do it two years ago."

"It helps keep me focused in the present moment so I don't accidentally get caught up in my memories," Amanda explained. "It's something that I partially figured out on my own and then Thane further helped me with the technique and explained to me why it works."

The asari nodded and then glanced at the cup still in her hands, "Would you like some more tea?"

Distracted by the change in subject, Amanda glanced down at her cup. What was left of her tea was cold and partially dregs of various herbs and spices. She passed the cup over, "Yes, please."

While Sha'ira was brewing another pot of tea for them, the asari indicated the platter of food on the table in front of Amanda with a graceful gesture of her hand, "Please do have some."

Unfamiliar reddish-yellow skinned fruit with a reddish interior lay in slices next to a more familiar sliced apple from Earth. Amanda had no idea what the cheeses were only that the various cubes ranged in color from dark yellow to almost white. It did look appetizing and her lunch had been several hours ago now. "Thank you," she said as she picked up one of the reddish fruit slices and bit into a small portion of it. If she didn't like it she didn't want to have to swallow a big mouthful. Tangy and sweet, and rather like a cross between a tart plum and a ripe nectarine. She took a larger bite the second time, not really noticing that between the familiar actions of eating and a brief respite from the asari's questions she was beginning to relax her after having tensed up during the previous conversation.

Amanda had eaten a few pieces of fruit and cheese by the time Sha'ira brought over second cups of tea for both of them. The asari leaned back into the couch as she took a sip from her cup, observing Amanda over the rim of it. "So how far would you say you have come to adapting to the changes?" Sha'ira asked as she lowered the cup from her lips.

Amanda frowned thoughtfully as she considered the question, before today she would have claimed she was adapting very well. "Less well than I thought I was," she replied truthfully.

Keenly intelligent deep blue eyes observed her, "Did something happen while you were at the Medical Center?" the Consort asked.

Shepard drew in a deep breath, this was what she had wanted to discuss with Sha'ira she reminded herself. "The Council requested that I be scanned by one of their doctors. That part went well, it was after Dr. T’Rani left me alone with her salarian research assistant that things went downhill," she said with a faint grimace.

"What happened then?" Sha'ira probed delicately, having noticed the brief expression.

"From what I gathered, he had never seen anything quite like my scans," Amanda commented, and then told Sha'ira about the young salarian's excitement about how much of her original body had been replaced, where he had noticed extensive use if bio-synthetic bone, muscle and blood vessels and arteries. He then went on to comment on the types of augmentations Cerberus had done, the bone, muscle and skin weaves to make her stronger and quicker to heal, the presence of the blood purifiers, the protective plates over her spine, and her experimental biotic amplifier. "Then he started on the fact that all my skin had been replaced. I was managing until he brought up the possibility that..." Amanda's fists clenched as she once again confronted this possibility, she firmed her jaw and forced the words out, "that my genitals might have needed to be reconstructed as well. Then he stuck his scanner practically between my legs to take an up close and personal scan to confirm or deny the possibility."

The asari's professional demeanor cracked slightly at that, her expression briefly betraying her shocked dismay. After a moment, Sha'ira cautiously asked, "How did you react?"

"I didn't hurt him," Amanda quickly reassured her. Though from the level of fear in the research assistants voice as he made his frantic sounding apologies, he had been concerned that violence to his person and perhaps worse was a distinct possibility. Even though it was slightly cruel of her, she found that thought rather satisfying and was feeling only a small amount of guilt about it. Maybe the experience would teach him to think about what he was doing and how the other person might react to it in the future. "I did destroy his medical scanner before he could read it, and I did let my displeasure with his actions be known."

An inquisitive look from Sha'ira prompted Shepard to continue, "I did say that my biotics had been improved; a warp took care of the scanner, and then I...lifted a few things in the air and then brought them back down again." She winced at how lame what she had just said sounded, and glanced over at the asari out of the corner of her eye. The Consort was looking at her with slightly raised brows, which rose even higher at this behavior. Amanda turned to look fully at the asari, aware that she was just making herself look silly. "I raised a few pieces of office equipment and then slammed then back down," she stated plainly. "Rather theatrical I know, but I believe it left him with the clear understanding that I felt his behavior was unacceptable."

Amanda almost expected disapproval, instead the asari continued to stare at her thoughtfully. "I understand your anger in those circumstances," Sha'ira said after a moment, "but I sense that it has more causes than just what happened today."

It wasn't as if she hadn't known the Consort was very perceptive, Amanda though as she returned the asari's stare. "I died to explosions and the void of space," she said, "I woke the first time before they intended me to in the most agonizing pain I have ever experienced and was quickly sedated again. The second time I awoke there were explosions, weapons fire, alarm klaxons, and Miranda's voice over the medical bay speaker telling me someone was trying to kill me…again. Then I found out that I was on a Cerberus Space Station, that I had died and it had been two years, what condition my body had been in and what had been done to repair it…and that the man who had spent the most time rebuilding me was entirely willing to kill me so he could sell my body to the highest bidder." Amanda looked down into the rising steam from the cup of hot tea in her hands, “I know that it doesn't really make a lot of sense considering that he rebuilt the rest of me, but the thought of him doing that…rebuilding that part of me, makes me feel nauseated.”

Sha'ira set her cup of tea down on the table in front of them, rose and then sat back down beside the human woman. The Consort gently placed one well manicured hand on her knee. “It makes sense to me,” the asari assured her, “When we are at our most helpless, wounded and sedated, we need to trust that the people striving to heal us have our best interests in mind. In this instance neither was true, instead of wanting to heal you he intended you harm. It does not surprise me that the thought of this man touching you in such a manner without your permission or knowledge repulses you.”

Amanda’s tense shoulders slumped as Sha'ira’s insightful words clarified her previously confusing feelings; yes that was indeed the primary source of her discomfort. “I keep telling myself that perhaps if it needed to be done then Miranda had the decency to it herself.” She snorted, "It's still not great, but at least the thought of her doing it doesn't leave me feeling sick inside."

“Miranda is?” the asari inquired.

“Miranda Lawson," Amanda explained, "the person in charge of the Lazarus Project and currently my XO on the Normandy.” There was a lull in the conversation following her statement; during it her omni-tool briefly flashed a message on its display that she had received an encrypted message from Dr. T'Rani. She must have made a slight noise of surprise because Sha'ira gave her an inquisitive look. "It's a message from the doctor who scanned me,” Amanda explained briefly as she brought it up and decrypted it by verifying her identity. She did wonder if it was going to be an apology or an angry note that the doctor was going to report her behavior to the Council.

It was an apology for her research assistant's actions, and a very sincere sounding one. In it the doctor emphasized that her assistant had acted without her permission, that she had reprimanded him for his actions and would ensure that he received appropriate training so that such an incident did not happen again. Dr. T’Rani also assured her that he did not have access to her medical data and none of her medical information would ever be published without her specific authorization in accordance with Citadel law protecting patient and patient medical data privacy rights. At the end, in a very careful worded way, Dr. T’Rani stated that she had checked the scans she had done and that the possibility her research assistant had raised was not true. She hoped that laid Shepard's concerns to rest and assured the Spectre that she would meet with her and discuss the results of the scan whenever Shepard wished to do so.

Amanda closed her eyes for a moment, relief flooding in at the information. Several seconds later, when she re-opened them, she commented, "Now I feel rather silly." At Sha'ira's curious look she simply turned her omni-tool so that the asari could read the doctor’s message for herself, seeing no reason to keep it private from her since the Consort was counseling her about it.

"There is no reason for you to feel silly Amanda," Sha'ira disagreed as soon as she finished reading it. "While this is certainly welcome news, it does not invalidate your feelings and concerns about the way your body has changed."

Amanda considered that, "Your right it doesn't," she agreed, “but I still feel silly now that I made such a fuss about it when it wasn’t true. And…I’m troubled about the fact that the possibility of it so easily undermined the progress I thought I’d made.”

"When it comes to one’s emotions, progress is rarely made in a straight path Amanda," Sha'ira gently chided her. "How long has it been since you awoke that second time?"

"A little over three months," she replied.

"Three months," the asari repeated and shook her head, "so impatient with yourself. Would you expect anyone under your command to have completely recovered from similar experiences in three months?"

Amanda made a rueful noise and bowed her head. Maybe the ability to make her see when she was being unreasonable with only one or two short and to the point observations was an ability all older asari shared? She sighed, "No."

The asari seated beside her remained quiet, giving her time to contemplate the point that had just been made. Amanda knew she had come a long way from the confused, angry...and yes, occasionally frightened and overwhelmed person she had been the first few weeks after her resurrection when dreams of her death, the prothean beacon, and Mindoir had tormented her nightly. Thankfully, those nightmares had tapered off over time. In fact, Amanda realized with some surprise, she hadn’t had any in almost two weeks, not since Rayna had delivered the Rachni Queens message to her. Almost as if her psyche had resolved whatever had been causing her unconscious to dwell on those events along with the tears she had cried on Rayna's shoulder. She really had come quite a long way from where she had been three months ago…even if she wasn't quite as far along as she wanted to be when it came to accepting the changes to her body.

Sha'ira lifted her hand from where it rested on Amanda's knee, causing the human to glance over at her. To Amanda's surprise and bemusement the asari reached up and gently cupped her chin, encouraging her to hold still while the Consort studied her face intently. "I look at your face and eyes," the asari said after several seconds, "and I can see no evidence of the reconstructive work that was done. Yet when you described the trauma done to your body, those injuries and what had to be done to heal them seemed to trouble you the most."

Amanda lifted her chin and Sha'ira immediately let her hand fall back into her lap. Yes, the Consort was definitely perceptive, Shepard ruefully thought to herself. "That's because my face is completely healed now," she explained. "Due to Wilson's attack, Miranda had to wake me almost two week earlier than she originally intended. My body wasn't fully healed; you could see the orange glow bio-synthetic tissue though the open places where the skin hadn't grown together both on my face and several other places on my body. Also, the pupils of my eye implants visibly glowed in dim lighting." She hesitated for a second, remembering what it had been like immediately after she had woken. "My crew could barely look at me when I first came onboard and I even tried to attack my image in the mirror one night while still half-asleep. My skin covers everything up now, but I can't forget what's actually underneath. I wish I could," Amanda admitted, there were some things which her new drell-like memories did not help at all.

Amanda glanced over at Sha'ira, noting the deeply thoughtful expression on the asari's face as the Consort gazed back at her. "You said that you have made quite a lot of progress in accepting the changes to your body, and I agree. Considering that it has only been three months, you seem to be doing quite well." With barely a pause, the asari then inquired, "Have you been doing anything specific which you feel is helping you adapt to the alterations to your body?"

Shepard took a few moments to consider the question before replying, "Constantly being reminded of how different my body is now has probably been one of the things that have made it most difficult for me to just accept the changes. It's not like a prosthetic replacement where the replacement is designed to be as close to natural as possible," she explained to Sha'ira. "Cerberus reengineered my entire body for combat and combat survivability. Skin weave to make my skin resistant to damage and easier for medigel to heal, heavy muscle weave to make me stronger and deliver medigel directly to injuries, heavy bone weave to protect my bones from breaking and if they do break to hold them together so medigel can set it. Replacement joints and tendons designed to hold up to the load I can put on my muscles and bones now because of the weaves."

Sha'ira was reclined back into the couch, the asari observing her with a solemnly thoughtful expression. Amanda had to wonder what the Consort thought of what she had heard so far, did Sha'ira even believe that she had actually died and been rebuilt? She pushed that sour thought aside before continuing, "The changes have been both a boon and a burden, on the one hand what the Lazarus Project did while rebuilding me did has saved me from serious injury or death several times already. On the other hand, as I said, they've made it impossible for me to ignore them. One of the most noticeable changes has been to my strength; I can lift things with ease that I would have struggled to lift before if at all."

"As to what I've done to adapt," Amanda said to the asari, "since I wanted to reduce the tactile differences between my bio-synthetic muscles and those they didn't have to replace, I decided to begin some strength training. If I couldn't ignore the differences, then I figured working out would help me get used to the extra strength as well as learning the limits of it. That has helped, even if it is still strange to see the amount I'm lifting these days." At Sha'ira's inquisitive look she said, "Before my death I was lifting 13.5 kg in single arm curls, I started out at 23.5 kg after my death and am already up to 29 kg in about three weeks of regular strength training."

Sha'ira's eyes widened briefly in surprise, "That is quite a difference."

Shepard nodded in response and then said, "I've just begun learning liuhebafla from Samara." Last night Amanda had finally asked what type of martial art Samara was doing after her strength workout. The flowing movements of the katas had reminded her strongly of tai chi, and it turned out there was a very good reason for that as the two were very similar though liuhebafla was quicker paced and more physically demanding on the practitioner.

"Our young huntresses are taught that art," Sha'ira commented, sounding approving of the idea, "it helps bring mind and body into harmony."

Amanda smiled, "So Samara informed me right before she offered to teach it to me. My hope is that it will help me accept my body as...being mine." Amanda's thoughts went to Eriathwen's memories and the prothean woman's gradual acceptance of her prosthetic hand, "Otherwise, I know that time itself will help me adapt. As the weeks pass, I'll continue to get used to the changes in my body until they won't seem as new or different to me anymore. Eventually, though I'll never forget I've changed, I will accept them...become accustomed to them. They will stop surprising me and instead seem normal."

Her gaze refocused on the asari sitting beside her, Sha'ira was regarding her with keen interest. "Normally I have to persuade people of that fact," the asari observed thoughtfully, "but you sound as if you have firsthand knowledge of it."

For a second, Amanda froze before she forced herself to relax and return the Consort’s stare as if nothing had happened. "I read about the necessity of forming a new body image in situations like mine. It seemed like a perfectly reasonable idea to me and as the months pass it seems to be proving true."

Sha'ira regarded her searchingly for a moment longer before inclining her head, "It is good to know that you are seeing the truth of it already." After a moment, when the human didn't say anything, the asari asked, "Is there anything else you are doing to help yourself adapt?"

Had she really gotten off that easily, Amanda wondered. "No, nothing else," she replied. "Though I am, of course, open to suggestions."

The Consort smiled and shook her head, "You seem to be doing quite well. Most importantly, you are embracing the idea of accepting and adapting to what has happened to you." Then, changing the subject, the asari commented, "You haven't mentioned how you’re dealing with your death."

Stalling for time, partially because she didn't know if she wanted to answer and partially because she wasn't certain how to answer, Shepard wryly observed, "I doubt that's something you've had much reason to say to anyone else."

"A few times actually," Sha'ira gently corrected her. "Though no one else who wasn't resuscitated within a short period of time," the asari allowed.

Shepard smirked, "Undoubtedly." There was a long silence during which neither one of them spoke until Amanda drew in a deep breath. She exhaled it in a long sigh before admitting, "Honestly, most of the time I try hard not to think much about it, other times..." Her voice trailed off. "Whatever I experienced, I don't think I would have experienced what other people do when they die. I don't believe that our Creator is bound by time as we are; therefore she would have always known that I was only there temporarily, that when the proper time came my spirit would need to be reunited with my body once again."

Sha'ira stared at her, astonishment in her eyes, "You remember?"

"How can I possibly remember," Amanda immediately and somewhat defensively disagreed. "Memories are stored within the brain. Mine was frozen for months while my body rested on a table in a medical bay on a Cerberus research station. The vague impressions I have are undoubtedly from the months they kept me in a coma while rebuilding my body."

Deep blue eyes stared into Amanda's own, "And yet you don't fully believe that," the Consort stated after a few seconds.

Silence. Finally, realizing Sha'ira was not going to let this go, Shepard replied evasively, "I believe I was somewhere, that I simply didn't cease existing during that time." Her eyes finally locked with the asari's, "but nothing more," she finished firmly.

The two of them stared at each other, the Consort searchingly, Amanda defensively challenging. After a few seconds the asari settled back against the couch once more and, reclaiming her serene demeanor, inquired, "Do you find that belief comforting?"

The familiar sharp edge of loss, the keen yearning for a perfection known, caught her, stealing her breath away for a moment. And yet there was her duty, her responsibility to stop the Reapers. Comfort…she tasted the word, "Yes there is comfort in it," she agreed. Someday, sometime, she knew she would go back.

She didn't notice Sha’ira stiffening nor the asari's blue eyes darting her way, "Do you wish to...return?" The Consort asked her tone carefully neutral.

Amanda glanced over at the asari with a slight smile, having noticed the hesitation, "Things become a bit odd when you start talking about having been dead," she commented lightly. "As for your question, no, I feel I'm supposed to be here. I have a responsibility to you, to the living...a duty to fulfill."

Sha'ira was silent for a long moment before she asked, "You don't count yourself among the living?"

Amanda just stared at her for a moment, the question catching her completely by surprise. She hadn't thought about what she had just said being interpreted in quite that way. "That’s not what I meant, I know I'm alive..." she stopped speaking, realizing she needed to think about this before saying anything else. She had explained some of this to Samara, but the justicar had watched the changes occur. She met the deep blue eyes of the Consort, "Sha'ira there was my life before my death, and now there is my life after my death. So many things have changed, my body, my mind, even my memories... We just spent the last thirty minutes or so talking about the fact that I can barely do anything without one or more of those reminding me that things are irrevocably different for me now."

"You do not feel as if you are the same person," Sha'ira stated her question.

"I'm not," Amanda immediately responded without any hesitation or doubt. "What happened before led to the person I am now, but no, I'm not the same person, I've changed too much to still be her." Abruptly realizing what the asari's true concern was, she said, "Someday I will die again, that's not really something I have to worry about not happening just because I've done it once already,” she smirked, amused at the idea. “I'm not suicidal; I won't rush my death just because I'm not overly enthused about being back here." Belatedly she realized how harsh that sounded, "Err," she glanced over at Sha'ira who was regarding her with raised brows. "Not that it's bad, I mean it's just..." she sighed, her momentary levity fleeing as she felt the weight of her responsibilities settle back upon her shoulders, "There’s a lot I have to do." She rotated her head, feeling the tenseness of the muscles there and trying to stretch them out a little. While talking to the Consort was definitely proving helpful, this wasn’t the most relaxing of conversations to have with someone.

"Is Liara T'Soni among your companions?" Sha'ira asked her.

Something about the asari's careful manner as she asked the question made Amanda think that the Consort suspected what her answer would be. It wouldn't surprise her to find out that Sha'ira knew about Liara's current profession or the changes the last two years had wrought in the maiden. "No," Amanda replied curtly and then sighed, rubbing the back of her neck. This was certainly not helpful to her attempts to lessen the tension in her neck and shoulders. "She has other things she's focused on now," she explained briefly. "Two years is a long time, especially when you think someone is dead..." she snorted derisively, "Well I'm sure you get the idea."

Now it was the asari's turn to exhale a soft sigh, "I am sorry." As Amanda had suspected, Sha'ira was not surprised.

Amanda nodded, but didn't say anything as she flexed her shoulders. Maybe she would ask Samara to show her more liuhebafla forms when she got back to the Normandy. It would be nice to loosen up and de-stress before attempting to go to bed.

"Tense muscles?" Sha'ira inquired.

"My neck and shoulders, yes. It's been a day," Amanda commented, thinking of her two meetings with the Council and then the meeting with the doctor.

Sha'ira rose from the couch, "Would you like a massage?"

Once she would have accepted without thought, now Amanda hesitated; if she hadn't already told Sha'ira about the changes to her body she would have immediately turned down the Consort's offer. However she had told the asari about them, surely Sha'ira wouldn't offer if she wasn't prepared for those differences. "You're sure?" she asked, wanting to be certain.

"I would not have offered otherwise," Sha’ira assured her firmly. The asari's tone caught Amanda's attention, and she stared curiously at the Consort for a moment before realization dawned; Sha'ira had suspected she would hesitate. That might even be the primary reason the asari had offered to give her a massage, to get her over this concern about her body being different.

She stared into Sha’ira’s deep blue eyes, seeing the understanding and calm acceptance there. "Alright."

Of course it wasn't quite as simple as that, Amanda had her armor and weapons to deal with first. Fortunately Sha'ira had secure storage meant just for such things; ten minutes later she was stripping off her armor underlay and foundation wear and donning a robe. When she stepped out of the small dressing room, the Consort was waiting beside a massage bed which was a rectangular cushion whose base was smaller than its top and was covered with an oil resistant coating. Sha'ira had changed clothes as well from the traditional Consort's dress she had been wearing was poorly suited for a masseuse, now she wore form hugging slip on pants and a simple short-sleeved tunic, both in a deep blue which complimented her skin and matched her eyes.

The asari smiled and gestured toward the massage bed, "Please take off your robe and lay down on your stomach Amanda." She then turned away and busied herself with unfolding a sky blue sheet while Shepard disrobed and made herself comfortable upon the bed. When Amanda was done, Sha'ira turned around and draped the sheet over the human's legs and hips. The Consort began by parting the human’s hair over her neck and letting it fall to either side, the asari’s fingers brushed along its length before Sha’ira turned to dispense some heated oil onto her hand. “You’ve let your hair grow longer,” she observed as she began to spread the oil over Amanda’s back with smooth gliding strokes.

Amanda made a rueful sound which was partially muffled by the elongated donut shaped headrest, "I should get it cut while I'm here, another few weeks and it will be too long to go under a helmet without putting it up and occasionally time is of the essence."

"Ah...pity," Sha'ira observed, "it looks good at this length, but your safety must come first."

"Huh," Shepard almost lifted her face from the headrest to glance curiously back at the asari, "I never really noticed. Well I don't have to get it hacked off, I can just have them trim it."

The asari began massaging her shoulders, her hands moving in long, firm strokes along the muscles to begin to relax them. After several seconds she said, "I wanted to thank you for the exceptional kindness you showed Erinya T’Nara. Stop squirming," Sha'ira admonished Amanda as the human shifted uncomfortably underneath her hands. "You do not like being thanked, do you?" she commented lightly.

Shepard shrugged, "Neylna nearly always made time to give me a massage whenever I stopped by the Citadel." She stopped speaking for a moment as she considered what to say next and then exhaled a quiet sigh, "I will always regret that we did not get here in time to prevent her death during Saren's attack. Helping her mother see the wrong that she was doing seemed the least I could do to honor Neylna. I cannot imagine how horrified she would have been to find out what her mother was doing in reaction to her death.”

The movement of Sha’ira’s hands upon Amanda’s back stilled for a moment before the asari resumed her massage. It was a longer moment still before Sha'ira replied, “Erinya merely mentioned that she had met you and that you had helped her deal with her daughters’ deaths. She didn’t mention anything else.”

Shepard was silent for several seconds as she absorbed that piece of information. Finally she replied, “That was what I did, as for the details…the situation was resolved to the satisfaction of all the parties involved. If Erinya didn’t’ mention what I helped her with specifically, then I will not either." Her own words reminded Amanda of her first meeting with the Consort and Sha'ira's refusal to tell her exactly why General Septimus was carrying out a smear campaign against the asari to destroy her reputation and business.

"I would not have you betray a confidence," Sha'ira responded gravely, though Amanda could hear just the hint of amusement mixed in with the solemness.

Her attention caught by that note of humor, Amanda lifted her head to inquire, "Are you thinking of what you said to me when I asked why Septimus was spreading rumors about you?"

"Yes, I was," the asari confirmed, her amusement more evident than before.

Amanda huffed a short laugh and then lowered her head, allowing it to rest on the table's headrest once again. The longer Sha'ira massaged her neck and back without any sign the asari was repulsed by the feel of the bio-synthetic muscles underneath her skin or the metal plates over her spine the more Amanda relaxed underneath the Consort's hands. Quite frankly it felt good to be touched this way, she closed her eyes and let out a soft sigh of contentment.

Relaxation didn't become mixed with awareness of the fact that she was nude and a very beautiful and desirable asari was touching her until Sha'ira turned the sheet further down to expose her rear and proceeded to continue her massage. Being touched on her ass had always been a turn on for Amanda, and as the asari's hands firmly kneaded and stroked along the thick gluteal muscles, this time proved to be no different. By the time the Consort finished massaging her legs and had Amanda turn over, her reaction was noticeable, though Amanda was sure that the asari already knew that relaxation had shifted into desire before being presented with the visible evidence of it.

Amanda kept her eyes closed as Sha'ira began massaging her upper chest and shoulders. Should she act on this desire? What about Liara? What would...she opened her eyes and looked up at Sha'ira, admiring the asari's features. The Consort was beautiful, desirable, and a friend. What would her ex-lover think of her if she did act? But that was just the point wasn't it – ex-lover. Liara had told her their relationship was over, the only reason she hesitated now was the faint hope the young asari might change her mind in the future and she knew that was a very faint and vanishing hope. The changes the _Edhel_, the Prothean, memories were making within her were pushing that possibility further and further away with every one she found.

Light grey eyes met deep blue ones...all of these questions were pointless if Sha'ira wasn't interested as well. They looked searchingly into each other's eyes for a few seconds before the asari's lips curved upward in an inviting smile. Sha'ira leaned down and their lips met, opened to one another's explorations. Amanda reached up and placed her fingertips on the asari's jaw as she tilted her head so that the kiss could deepen. She focused her entire attention on the meeting of their lips and tongues, her recent dream reminding her of Mistress Leonora's admonishment to focus on what was occurring instead of anticipating what might happen next. Lips moved against one another, tongues pressed and stroked, heating her blood and raising her desire.

Finally Sha'ira pulled away, her cheeks flushed a purple hue, her deep blue eyes glittering, her breathing a bit deeper. The asari also looked a bit surprised, and it took a moment for Amanda to think of why. Their time before, though intense, had begun much slower and the general tenor of it had been different. She had been distracted by the events on Eden Prime and she had focused on Sha'ira and their lovemaking to drive the images, sounds and smells from her mind. This time was different, and while she still wanted to fill her senses with the sight, sound, smell and taste of the asari, today she was not seeking comfort and forgetfulness in Sha'ira's arms. She was seeking... She stared at the asari for a second before the answer came to her - a reminder that there was joy and passion and caring here, that there was more to being alive than just duty and responsibility.

Amanda sat up, slid off the massage table and then faltered as a wave of sorrow rose up within...this was what she would have shared with Liara had the young asari not broken up with her. She let out a soft sigh as she continued forward, sorrow shifting to resignation and acceptance as she rested hands upon the slender waist of the asari who was with her here and now. What was...was.

She pulled Sha'ira closer, feeling the softness of the fabric of the asari's clothes against her bare skin as she slowly brushed her cheek against the area of the Consort's neck where the ridges that protected the sensitive sensory organs began. It was a sensitive area for asari and what she was doing was similar to delicately stroking along the edge of a human's ear. She inhaled the fragrance of the asari's perfume, letting it fill her senses; it was definitely the same intoxicating scent she remembered from two years ago.

Sha'ira's arms wrapped around her and the asari's hands pressed against her back, returning her embrace. The Consort tilted her head to the side with a soft, pleased sounding sigh, exposing more of her neck. "You certainly seem to have remembered what I taught you," the asari murmured.

Amanda smiled and turned her head. She began tracing along the now more exposed sensitive ridge with her lips, feeling the thickness and almost spongy like texture of the asari’s skin here before she paused long enough to respond, "As I said, my memory is very good now. A year, ten years, a hundred... I'll be able to remember exactly how you smell, every nuance of how you taste..." she paused for a second as Sha'ira shivered and the asari's nails dug into her back. Amanda smiled, apparently that thought was a definite turn on.

She slid her hands upward, underneath the deep blue material of Sha'ira's shirt and onto warm bare skin, tracing the muscles to either side of the asari's spine as her lips went back to tracing the ridges along the asari's neck, her tongue occasionally joining in with teasingly brief touches. Amanda was in no rush, and Sha'ira evidently wasn't either since the asari was making no effort to encourage her to progress faster, apparently quite content to simply enjoy the gentle touches along her neck and the stroking of her back, so it was a little while before the human slipped her hands from underneath the tunic and grasped the hem. She stepped back far enough so that she could lift it up, exposing first the slender, subtly muscled stomach and then the lovely curves of the asari's breasts with their berry hued nipples. Sha'ira lifted her arms, allowing Amanda to completely remove the tunic and toss it upon the massage bed behind her. Amanda immediately stepped forward, sliding her hands back around the asari's waist. Their lips met a slight second before their bodies, warm bare blue skin to paler olive toned caucasian.

Sha'ira's hands settled upon her back, just above her waist as they kissed. The asari’s hands slid up and back down, not pausing at her waist, but continuing over the curve of her behind. The asari cupped the lower curve of each tautly muscled ass cheek and then dug in her nails with purposeful intent into the sensitive flesh for several seconds before relenting.

Amanda growled at the sensation and pulled away long enough to give the asari a heated look before capturing the purple lips, which were just slightly tilted upward at the corners in a hint of a smirking smile, once again. Apparently Sha'ira hadn't forgotten what turned her on either, and that made her wonder if the asari's offer of a massage had been entirely innocent or if the Consort had hoped it to lead to just this outcome all along. If that were so...she drug her lips down the line of the asari's jaw, slowing once to let Sha'ira feel the scrape of bare teeth against her skin, an action which elicited a sharply indrawn breath...then she was amused....she continued down the column of the asari's long neck and across the top of one shoulder...and had to wonder what made the asari decide she needed this. Perhaps Sha'ira had realized that she needed to remember that life was about more than just duties and responsibilities, no matter how important, before she had even considered the question. It wouldn't surprise her to find out that was true.

Pausing for a moment Amanda placed a kiss upon the blue skin of the shoulder underneath her lips and then started back along the asari’s collarbone, toward the center of Sha’ira’s chest. Once there she paused a moment torn between several different possibilities of what to do next. Her hands resting upon cloth decided her course of action; she pressed a kiss first against the inner slope of one blue breast and then the other before kneeling on one knee in front of the asari. She nuzzled her face against Sha'ira's stomach, as her hands went to the waistband of the pants the asari was wearing. She felt the asari's fingers threading through her hair and stroking delicately along the edges of her ears as she began kissing the smooth blue skin underneath her lips even as she slid the asari's pants and underwear together slowly downward until Sha'ira moved back to step out of them, leaving them lying upon the floor.

Still kneeling, Amanda tossed them upon the massage bed along with the already discarded tunic. She reached up and gently pulled Sha'ira back toward her by the waist, once the asari was close Amanda buried her face against her warm blue skin once again. There were subtle differences between asari and humans besides the obvious ones; in addition to the pigmentation differences, an asari’s skin was slightly thicker and more resistant to injury than a human’s. It was a difference that was subtle, but one that her first asari lover and then Liara had found particularly intriguing because, compared to their own, human skin felt delicate to asari, and certain places on humans felt especially delicate to an asari’s touch.

Amanda drew in a deep breath, catching a hint of Sha’ira’s distinctive personal scent. She smiled as she brushed her lips across the asari’s stomach feeling the muscles tense underneath her touch; she remembered that scent and the taste that went along with it. A wild thought crossed Amanda's mind and without considering it any further one arm went behind the asari’s knees as Amanda rose to her feet while her other hand supported the asari's back.

Sha’ira gasped in surprise, her deep blue eyes going wide and her hands grasping at the human’s shoulders as Amanda stood and she was lifted into the air without any warning. The asari’s eyes narrowed as Sha’ira noticed the mischievous smile curving Shepard’s lips; the human looked quite pleased with herself.

Bearing the asari’s weight with ease, Amanda moved gracefully over to the circular bed in the corner and laid Sha’ira gently down upon its surface. She moved to join her, but the asari stopped her with one upraised hand. “There is something I would like to use if you’re willing,” Sha’ira said with a hopeful looking smile as she pointed a finger to the side and downward, “There is a drawer there along the pedestal, if you would open it please.”

Amanda drew back and looked down, indeed there were drawers inset into the base of the large circular bed. She opened the one the asari was pointing at and smiled as she drew out the light blue object nestled protectively within a cushioned box. The color was different from what she was used to, but she was definitely familiar with what she now held in her hand. Mistress Leonora had been especially fond of using one on her and she had even used one on a few occasions.

The smile still upon her lips, she responded with, “I’m willing,” as she handed the light blue dildo over to Sha’ira, guessing that the device was calibrated to the asari’s anatomy. It would transmit the sensations of touch, texture, and temperature directly to the asari’s nerve endings, making it seem as if the device was actually part of her anatomy. Even though Amanda wasn’t especially interested in men, that didn’t mean she did enjoy the feel of something inside her and knowing that Sha’ira would feel everything and enjoy it too was even better.

“Good,” Sha’ira’s tone and the anticipatory gleam that appeared in her deep blue eyes let Amanda know that the asari was looking forward to this as well.

Amada watched with interest as Sha’ira parted her folds and carefully seated the device against herself. Just as with a human female, part of it fitted within the asari while the remainder rested against the sensitive outer flesh. When Sha’ira was done, the stylized device jutted proudly from her groin, its shade an exact match to the asari’s skin. This dildo was not designed to look like a human penis, though it was penis sized and shaped, it was a smooth blue shaft with a series of thick, raised concentric wavy ridges along its entire length and a slightly larger bulbous head.

Amanda suspected it would feel quite good inside her, but before that happened…she smirked in anticipation. Hopefully she remembered how to do this without gagging, because that would ruin the entire effect of what she had planned.

Sha’ira’s head pressed back into the soft padding of the bed and a groan was wrenched out of her as the human unexpectedly bent down and slowly took the entire length of the phallic device into her mouth – there was heat, suction, and the sliding motion of the human’s tongue pressing against her. “Tla’ide,” the asari gasped in surprise as her hips flexed instinctively toward the source of her pleasure. It was an asari exclamation that roughly translated into English as damn or fuck, and in the next moment she breathed out in irritation as she noticed Amanda’s shoulders shaking in amusement at her use of it.

Dancing grey eyes glanced up at her and the asari couldn’t help but raise one brow and smile a little at Amanda, her annoyance dissipating as an intense tingling of arousal shot through her at the sight of the human’s rose colored lips wrapped around what seemed now to be a very sensitive part of the asari’s anatomy. Amanda reversed directions and the asari felt and watched as the woman’s lips moved back up the dildo’s shaft. The human finished with swirling her tongue around the sensitive head, an action that drew another sharp inhale of arousal from the asari, before Amanda lifted her mouth away. Sha’ira knew that human males were aroused by such sights and sensations, but she had not suspected she would react in exactly the same way.

Though the human’s current levity was unexpected given the seriousness of their earlier conversation, Sha’ira suspected she should just go along with this. After all, she had never seen Amanda act this light hearted before now and she found it to be an intriguing and welcome change. Sha’ira smiled and raised her arms, placing her hands comfortably behind her neck. The asari then wiggled her hips causing the blue hued dildo to sway back and forth. Her blue eyes were challenging as with a slight smile she inquired demandingly, “Well? You aren’t going to continue?”

Amanda’s light grey eyes widened for a second before her smile broadened and then turned mischievous. The asari should be careful challenging her in this arena, Mistress Leonora absolutely adored oral sex with a sensory dildo and she had learned how to please her Mistress very well during the six years she had been lovers with her. “I would certainly hate to disappoint you,” she replied, her voice taking on a sultry tone that, from the momentary widening of Sha’ira’s eyes, wasn’t lost on the asari.

****************

Sha'ira watched her fingers as they stroked gently along the pale skin of Amanda's forearm, the human was fast asleep, and the asari had no intention of waking her. After bonding with the human she had, to her silent and private dismay, realized that Amanda had needed this even more than she had initially thought. Feeling the corrosive self-doubt almost radiating from Amanda, realizing that the human had actually been uncertain that she would be willing to touch her… While she understood the psychological reasons behind the human’s emotions; still it had shocked, saddened and even angered a part of her to feel those emotions and thoughts from the formerly self-confident human Spectre.

Sha’ira settled her head back down upon the pillow, and then, with great care not to wake the human, she rolled over so that she could see Amanda’s face. The human female had looked youthful, if still troubled, during the few minutes she had napped in this same bed two years ago. That was not the case now, even in sleep Sha’ira could see the signs of maturity set upon Amanda’s features. Was it just the experience of her death that had done this or that combined with the secrets she was keeping? Even in their bond Amanda had kept her secrets locked away in a display of mental control which had astonished the Consort. Two years ago the general feel of Amanda’s mind had been exactly what Sha’ira would expect from a human of her age and military experience, now Amanda’s mental discipline rivaled that of any well-trained asari.

She shook her head in complete bemusement; it didn’t seem possible for the human to have gained the knowledge of how to control her mind in a mere three months, yet it was obvious that she had done just that. Perhaps at some later point Amanda would feel comfortable enough to discuss the reason or reasons why with her, she had no doubt that if she mentioned it now that the human would simply withdraw and refuse to discuss the matter. It would take time and keeping the confidences Amanda had shared with her today to win the human’s further trust.

As for Amanda’s issues with her body, given the nature of her death, the extent of her injuries and what had been done to repair them; Sha’ira thought that the human was actually doing very well in adapting to and accepting what had happened to her. Especially considering it had only been three months since she had awoken. Much of Amanda’s progress had to do with the human’s own determination to come to terms with her death and everything that had happened because of it, and to move past it. The human Spectre had a strong will, Sha’ira had no doubt that she would continue to progress at a swift pace.

Still though…Sha’ira’s gaze dwelled upon the fine muscle definition of the forearm underneath her fingertips and then moved up to the noticeable curve of a bicep, there even though the human’s arm was relaxed. Amanda was visibly more muscular than she remembered and she found that very appealing. Asari, even physically strong ones, had a tendency to stay slender and display what the humans called wiry strength rather than developing well-defined muscles. Why Amanda had thought she might be unwilling to touch her…the asari’s expression showed her disbelief, the human had a beautiful body before, but now? A smile curved her lips, massaging the human Spectre, letting her hands explore the taunt fitness of Amanda’s body had been a true pleasure for her.

Her thoughts going to what had happened between them earlier in the night, Sha’ira’s expression softened; their lovemaking had been filled with moments of teasing playfulness and genuine caring. She knew Amanda wasn’t in love with her, but the human did think of her as a friend and hadn’t been shy about letting her feel that in their bond. There had been other thoughts and visions she had sensed in the bond as well, quite a few of which had been very interesting indeed. During their time together two years ago Amanda had been quite adept in the arts of lovemaking, and now the asari knew why. The human had been carefully trained in them and Sha’ira had to wonder with amusement if the Alliance or Council knew about this particular part of their first human Spectre’s past. She would guess not, given the human’s secretive feelings about those memories.

Even before witnessing the fleeting images of those particular memories she had known the human enjoyed sexual dominance/submission play, the human’s responses had indicated that in several different ways two years ago and had been one of the reasons she had brought up the idea of using the sensory dildo tonight. That had certainly turned out to be an interesting decision on her part given the way Amanda had reacted to its usage. When she suggested it, she hadn’t realized that the human’s former Mistress had made extensive use of such a device or that bringing it into their lovemaking would bring that side of Amanda out in full force and demanding to play. Tonight had been full of both subtle and not so subtle power plays on Shepard’s part.

Sha’ira found it rather amusing that Amanda had the impression that asari either didn’t engage in sexual dominance play or didn’t engage in it that often and therefore she didn’t have much experience with it. The asari had done nothing to disabuse the human of her erroneous assumption, in fact she had let the human win a few of those power plays while winning a few of them herself simply to see how Amanda acted in both situations. Finding out the answers to her question had been rewarding in and of itself, the human was a skilled and tender dominant as well as a very sensual and responsive submissive. Whichever role either one of them had taken at any particular point in their lovemaking tonight; their play had made things intense and very satisfying for both of them. It was rare for Sha’ira to feel so sated and pleasured as she did right now except for the occasional times she spent several hours with another skilled asari.

As for Amanda’s assumptions of naivety in the arena of sexual dominance and submission…Sha’ira regarded the slumbering human with amused fondness, she was certain that the perfect moment would eventually present itself to prove exactly how adept she was at such things. She had after all been a Consort now for over four centuries; one did pick up a few skills as the years passed.

***************

Sha’ira insisted Amanda stay for breakfast the next morning and provided an assortment of asari fruits and pastries along with coffee for the human and tea for herself. It was a leisurely affair and the discussion during it covered a number of subjects including human expressions of sexual dominance and submission: a topic prompted by the human’s thoughts during their lovemaking. Amanda gave the Consort Mistress Leonora’s contact information. She wouldn’t normally have done such a thing, but she trusted Sha’ira to be discrete and if the asari had clients who were asking about such things it was best that she get her answers from someone who actually lived the lifestyle instead of just dabbling in it. Before she left for the Normandy, Sha’ira stroked her fingers along the side and jaw of human’s face, gently kissed her, and bid her to take care of herself as well as her crew.

 

**Normandy – Second Deck, Airlock entrance - morning of the second day of 48 hours Citadel shore leave**

“Commander,” Miranda was standing there waiting for Shepard as she entered the ship. Amanda turned toward her with a frown; warned by the aggravated tone of the other woman’s voice that Miranda was not pleased with her...and she had been having such a good day up until now between waking up beside Sha’ira and then having breakfast with her. “Did you think about informing your XO of your plans to spend the entire night on the Citadel?” the Cerberus operative scolded her. “At least we figured out where you were from the locator signal in your armor and knew the Council hadn’t incarcerated you or someone had attacked you.”

Shepard frowned, but didn't immediately reply because she knew Miranda was correct; she should have updated her status with the ship. Part of the reason she hadn’t however, had been because she didn’t want anyone to know about her visit to the Presidium Medical Center nor say anything about her visit to the Consort. After a moment she nodded sharply, “You’re right I should have updated you. I needed to unwind after meeting with the Council all day, so when an acolyte from Sha’ira found me after the last one I accepted her invitation to visit.”

The startled look she received at that piece of information both amused and annoyed Shepard, it was as if no one quite believed that Sha'ira and she were friends. At least Miranda didn't comment on the fact that she had spent the night with the asari, instead the Cerberus operative inquired, “What did happen with the Council? You were in meetings with them all day."

“I persuaded them to extend an olive branch to Wrex if he manages to unite the clans instead of trying to sabotage his efforts," she replied feeling rather smug about it, winning a debate with the Council was something be proud of as far as she was concerned.

The other woman's eyebrows flew upward in surprise at her response though it didn't take her long to ask, "And the second meeting?"

"More of the same, only with questions they weren't interested in anyone else overhearing," Shepard informed the Cerberus operative and then glanced meaningfully toward the cockpit where Joker was playing with his navigation interface. She knew from the way he had his head turned just slightly towards then that the pilot was listening to their conversation.

Though she would love to spread around the fact that Udina had finally gotten his due, she knew it wasn't a good idea. Aside from the fact that the Council had made it clear the entire discussion was classified, it would make the Systems Alliance look very bad and bring up the question of whether or not Saren could have been stopped before the rogue turian Spectre had attacked the Citadel. Everything the Alliance had gained in their defense of the Citadel could be brought into question and some factions might decide that the attack was ultimately the Alliance's fault.

Miranda's eyes followed her gaze and narrowed as they fell upon the pilot. "Not surprising," the Australian woman commented as she looked back at Shepard, "The idea of a united Krogan government is going to make a lot of humans and aliens nervous, but what I've heard with Urdnot Wrex leading them it's also an opportunity. I'm just surprised you managed to actually persuade the Council of that fact."

"It took some thought and some careful talking," Shepard acknowledged, "but I think I managed to persuade both Tevos and Valern that Wrex is their best chance for a real change among the Krogan which doesn't include another war. Neither one is pleased with the idea of having to maintain the CDEM for another few millennium, so I'm hopeful they will actually give him some support or at least not interfere with his efforts to unite the Krogan clans."

“Impressive work Commander,” Miranda sounded as if she meant it. Then she added, “If you have some time, I'd like to go over our current finances with you.”

It wasn’t the Australian woman’s most adroit attempt at discretion, Shepard thought with an internal wince. "Certainly," she nodded even as her mind raced. There were several reasons why she shouldn't share with Miranda what happened in either meeting with the Council, and especially shouldn't share what had happened in regards to Udina. The primary one was to keep the Illusive Man from finding out. She didn’t trust him to keep what Udina had done a secret if he thought there was an advantage to Cerberus in publicizing it - no matter the damage it might do to the Alliance’s reputation.

She started walking in the direction of the CIC and elevator with Miranda keeping pace beside her. "We are still doing alright even with the unexpected purchases on Tuchanka?" Shepard hadn't expected to come across any useful weapon upgrades while visiting Wrex's clan, but they had and she had immediately made the arrangements to purchase them and have them sent up to the ship.

"We are, and I was able to get a very good price from the Sirta Foundation representative here for the excess iridium and gold we had on-hand," Miranda confirmed as they passed by the navigation map in the center of the CIC and continued on toward the elevator.

Miranda waited for the elevator doors to close before she said, “So, I hope that since the Consort invited you that I won’t be receiving a bill for an entire afternoon and night with her?”

Shepard’s eyebrow rose at the question, she glanced over at the other woman, “You won’t.”

“Good,” Miranda said with emphasis, “because I can’t even imagine how much she would charge for that amount of time.”

Shepard hadn’t even considered that, given how Garrus and Wrex had reacted two years ago she suspected it would come up to quite a healthy amount. She shrugged, “No idea,” she commented and then smirked, “and you forgot breakfast.”

Both of Miranda’s brows rose, “She fed you…”

The smirk didn’t fade as the elevator door opened and Shepard stepped out, leaving the other woman to follow her as she started toward the XO’s office/quarters.

“Commander,” Gardner saying her name had her pausing and looking at him expectantly. “I’m almost finished serving breakfast, did you want something before I start cleaning up?”

“No thank you,” she replied, “I already had breakfast this morning.” Shepard only then noticed Garrus coming from the direction of the main ship weapon’s battery.

The turian stopped by the mess area counter. “With the Consort?” he asked slyly.

“I had breakfast with Sha’ira, yes,” she replied, emphasizing the asari’s name.

His eyes widened for a moment at her tone and he held up his three taloned hands in a mollifying gesture, “No disrespect meant Shepard; I know she’s a friend of yours.” He paused for a moment before carefully asking, “So, she…offered you somewhere to sleep last night?”

Her eyes glanced right as Samara entered the mess area, their eyes met and the justicar nodded to her. Shepard nodded back before returning her attention to Garrus, “When it got late, yes she did,” she answered his question.

The turian’s mandibles fluttered in what appeared to be surprise, “I don’t think I’ve ever heard of her doing that before.”

Shepard raised one eyebrow, “I’m sure she has had friends over before,” she said dismissively. “People have either not noticed or simply not mentioned it. Probably the latter since someone having a friend over for the night isn’t really that newsworthy.” Now she was getting surprised looks from both Garrus and Samara.

“It is with Sha’ira,” the turian immediately disagree, “or did you forget General Septimus?”

She frowned, “What about him?”

Garrus stared at her disbelievingly, “Sha’ira’s an asari matron.”

“Yesss…” she drew out the word and then added exasperatedly when he didn’t respond, “there are a few of them around.” Out of the corner of her eye she noticed Samara’s lips twitch briefly upward at her remark.

He looked impatient with her, “There’s a lot of interest in whether or not she will take a bondmate because that usually means asari stop being consorts. If anyone noticed you leaving this morning, there will be speculation about the seriousness of your relationship with her.”

“You’re joking,” Shepard stated flatly. More attention paid to what she was doing was the last thing she needed, not to mention the fact that it meant Liara would probably soon know about it.

“Unfortunately, he is correct,” Samara finally joined the conversation. “Consorts are generally well known and well connected. Consort Sha’ira is most likely even more so as this is the center of galactic government.”

“I’m serious, Shepard,” the turian sounded apologetic as he realized she honestly hadn’t realized how much attention was paid to the Consort’s choice of companionship.

Shepard rolled her eyes, “People seriously need to get lives and quit paying so much attention to what other people do,” she complained. Beside her Miranda snorted in derision at the idea and Shepard had to admit the other woman had reason, gossip seemed to be a universal constant among all intelligent species. “We’re good friends, nothing more,” she protested.

"So you’ll admit that more happened between you than just singing duets?" Garrus jumped on her statement with all the eagerness of a cop jumping on an inadvertent confession.

"Huh?" Gardner, who had been listening into the ongoing conversation with a highly entertained expression, turned toward the turian with a confused expression, "Singing?"

Shepard snorted in amusement; Garrus could explain his remark himself. "On that note...” she could almost hear the groans. “Miranda and I have financial reports to go over," she said as she turned toward the door to the XO’s quarters. Shepard knew it would take some careful verbal tap dancing to satisfy Miranda without telling her anything she didn’t want the Cerberus operative to know, but that was exactly what she needed to do in the next fifteen to twenty minutes.

Unfortunately that didn’t work out as well as Shepard had hoped. “You’re not going to tell me are you?” the other woman accused her angrily.

She regarded the other woman as impassively as she could manage. It seemed that Miranda already knew too much about what had went on in those meetings. “Not a lot of it, no,” she responded evenly.

"So now you’re loyal to the Council?" Miranda accused her, "After their complete lack of help and dismissal of the Reaper threat?"

Shepard bit back the instinctive defensive response she wanted to make and instead forced herself to think through what she was going to say. It had proven to be a very successful tactic with the Council, why not try it here as well. "Curious," she noted, "I had this same conversation with them yesterday. Am I loyal to them...no, but I am dutiful and some things should not be widely known.” She frowned reprovingly at the other woman, “You, out of everyone on the team, should know that."

Miranda crossed her arms and scowled. "If you're referring to the news that Udina kept information about the Spectre's from you,” she said, sounding defensive, “then Garrus has already spoken to Joker about it."

"What?" Shepard snapped, at once angry, disbelieving and concerned. Exactly how many discussions about what classified meant did it take for Garrus to understand he was supposed to keep his mouth shut and not talk about them? "Who else knows?" she demanded.

The Cerberus operative just stared at her for a second before replying, "I don't know. Why?"

Shepard reached up and pinched the bridge of her nose, taking a moment to control her exasperation before she responded. "Miranda, if you added up all the time we spent gathering weapons to sell and mining over the course of hunting for Saren it would probably add up to a little over a week. Time enough for us to have beat Saren to Ilos and prevented the attack on the Citadel.”

The black haired woman frowned, "You don't know that,” she disagreed.

"No I don't," Shepard admitted, even though part of her was wondering if it were true. "But it would be very easy to make that claim and accuse the Alliance of being ultimately at fault for the attack."

Miranda inhaled sharply as she abruptly realized the potential negative implications to the Ambassador’s actions. "There is intense resentment in some quarters over Humanity gaining a Council seat so quickly. This could be used to bring that decision into question.” Her gaze refocused on Shepard, “What is the Council going to do about it?"

"Their favorite," Shepard replied with a wry smile, more than aware of the irony of it, "hush it up. It doesn't reflect well upon them that they didn't realize what he had done either."

Miranda’s eyes narrowed in thought, “So they’ll quietly get rid of him and make sure the Alliance knows to ensure that he doesn’t say anything about what happened.”

“That would be my guess,” Shepard agreed. “As much as I’d love to see him get punished I know it’s not likely to happen.”

Miranda began pacing back and forth, her brown knit in a thoughtful frown. "We need to find out who else Garrus and Joker have told about this,” she said, pausing and turning toward Shepard, “see if it can be contained.”

Shepard nodded, “Agreed, hopefully the situation won’t need a lot of damage control. EDI.”

“Yes Commander,” the smooth tones of the ship’s AI replied as the blue holographic globe activated at a control panel near the door.

“Using their personal channels, inform Misters Moreau and Vakarian that they are to report to the XO’s office immediately.” Her light grey eyes narrowed as she added, “Also tell them I said they were to see if they could exercise some discretion for a change and keep their mouths shut until they get here.”


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The Mass Effect universe is the property of Bioware/Electronic Arts. No infringement of these copyrights is intended as this is a not for profit fan fiction work.
> 
> Warning: none
> 
> Notes: This is an Alternate Universe story, and is inspired by the Beyonce song “Save the Hero,” from the album I am…Sasha Fierce. The portrayal of Cerberus in my story is heavily influenced by the contents of the second and third Mass Effect books, Ascension and Retribution. The Prothean language I’m using is a mixture of Quenyanna and Sindarin, languages originally created by Tolkien.
> 
> Rating: Teen
> 
> Feedback: Always welcome, feedback is what encourages me to keep writing. Please let me know what you like and what you dislike about the story. Thank you to my beta readers on the Kudara.fiction yahoo group for their suggestions and feedback which lead to this being a much better chapter than it would have been otherwise.
> 
> Errors and Corrections: Yes, please let me know about any errors you see so that I can correct them. This is un-beta’ed so it probably has a few.
> 
> Revision History: 04/20/2011

**Citadel – Zakera Wards – early afternoon of the second day of 48 hours Citadel shore leave**

“The asari Sha’ira, more commonly known as the Consort, has declined to name the next race most likely to gain Council membership. However, she suggested an announcement could come soon.” Shepard’s attention was drawn toward a large display screen where a Galactic Citadel News Network anchor, a purple hued asari, was reporting.

“Isn’t that your asari friend that the crew’s been talking about?” Jack asked, nodding toward the screen.

The tattooed woman’s tone was casual, as if she were talking about nothing of particular import. Certainly reason enough for Shepard to eye the other woman suspiciously as she responded, “Probably.”

“So what,” Jack continued, “she was happy to console you over losing the other one on Illium?”

Amanda’s eyes narrowed, she halted and turned toward the other woman with a deep frown, not at all pleased with the idea that her and Liara’s failed relationship was a topic of gossip among the crew. “What do you know about Liara?” she demanded.

“Chill Shepard,” Jack lifted her hands, looking wary of her reaction. “Sometimes Tali and Garrus talk just outside of Engineering, they seem to forget I’m right below them.”

Shepard breathed out an annoyed sigh. She really didn’t want to have to talk to Garrus again about watching what he said and where he said it. The lines between professional and personal relationships was blurring, especially between her and the old crew who had come back to serve with her, and she had found it difficult to reprimand either Joker or Garrus as harshly as she knew they deserved. As it was, she knew Garrus would probably be sulking for a few days, the turian hadn’t said anything, but she knew he thought she had overreacted to the entire thing. Oddly enough Joker hadn’t, he had gone quiet and thoughtful instead and then promised not to mention it to anyone. Maybe mentioning to Tali that she and Garrus should choose another place to talk would be a better choice, she decided.

The tattooed biotic turned partially away from her, “I haven’t said anything to anyone about it.”

Amanda was surprised, unless she was completely wrong it sounded as if Jack was trying to reassure her. “Thank you. And no, we didn’t discuss Liara. I needed someone to talk to about dying and Cerberus being the one to put me back together.” The ex-convict jerked her head around to stare at her in surprise. “I trust Sha’ira a great deal more than our Cerberus supplied Ms. Chambers.”

Jack snorted derisively, “The last time she came down to bother me I threatened to turn her into paste. She hasn’t been back.” She added with a growl, “Like I would talk to some Cerberus flunky about anything.”

Shepard knew she should say something to Jack about not threatening the crew, but honestly she didn’t feel like it. Kelly claimed to be a psychologist, she should have known this particular crewmember wouldn’t want anything to do with her and left Jack alone after the biotic made it clear she didn’t want to talk the first time instead of pushing the issue.

“So, where are we going Shepard,” Jack abruptly changing the subject.

“Not far actually,” Shepard turned and pointed to a store about thirty or so feet away, just close enough to see the ‘BadAss Armor Official Reseller’ sign next to its entrance. She started walking in that direction again.

Jack frowned as she followed Shepard. “I don’t need armor,” it was her usual protest, but this time it carried much less emphasis and conviction than usual. That was most likely due to the fact the ex-convict was looking over the mannequins in the store’s windows, which were dressed in various pieces of BadAss armor, with ill-disguised interest.

BadAss Armor wasn’t Shepard’s usual choice since they specialized more in a particular look than well-rounded protection. However any armor would be better than the leather straps and pants the tattooed biotic wore now, and as soon as she had noticed the displays the day before she had hoped that Jack might actually find this armor acceptable.

Without saying another word, the tattooed woman stomped into the store. The young man standing beside the counter was dressed in an interesting manner. Piercings along his ears, one in his nose and one in the right eyebrow, dark makeup and black hair in a Mohawk, he was wearing a carefully faded black duster coat with a black shirt, worn appearing black jeans and black boots. Jack gave him an up and down look, she must have approved because the scowl on her face actually lessened.

As for the young man, he straightened up at Jack’s entrance giving her a similar appraisal, surprisingly he didn’t leer. Either he had good survival instincts or he was as impressed with the amount of ink on her body as his interest in them seemed to indicate. “Nice tats,” he complemented her.

Jack eyed him for a few seconds and then replied, “Yea,” she replied briefly and then turned her attention to the various vests, armored pants and boots that were on display.

He stared at her for a moment longer and then shrugged, evidently not particularly offended by her attitude. He then turned to look at Shepard, eying the weapons holstered in the weapon’s pack on her back with wary curiosity, “How did you get those weapons though C-Sec?”

“Spectres aren’t required to relinquish their weapons anywhere in Council space,” Shepard explained matter-of-factly.

“Spectre?” he scoffed, “the only human Spectre was Shepard and she’s…” his brown eyes widened in belated recognition as his voice trailed off.

Amanda smirked, amused by the young man’s reaction as he stared at her in disbelief.

“Hey,” Jack came over and snapped her fingers at him. “What the hell’s wrong with you?” she smirked, “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

That startled a snort of amusement from Amanda, especially since it was such an accurate observation. He did look rather like he’d seen a ghost. Taking pity on the young man, she decided to distract Jack. “See anything you like?”

With one last amused look, the tattooed woman left the young man alone. “Yea,” she walked over to one of the display mannequins wearing an armored black vest, black armored pants and high black buckled engineering boots. “I like the looks of this.”

Shepard stepped closer her attention drawn to the sleeveless black shirt underneath. “That’s an underlay shirt,” she commented, intrigued with it.

“That’s from BadAss’s newest line, Renegade,” sensing a sale, the young man found his voice again. “It uses the most advanced ballistic cloth, kinetic padding and ablative armor plating available. The onboard microframe computer system located in the belt manages both the armors shields and the first-aid interface which comes standard with a trauma module upgrade. The medigel delivery only works with both the armored pants and vest though unless you purchase the arm guards…well arm wraps really, and then it works with them as well.” He fell silent and watched them examine the armor for several more seconds before offering, “I’m pretty sure we have it in your size if you would like to try it out?”

Jack looked thoughtfully at the display for a moment longer and then nodded, “Sure.”

Ten minutes later the tattooed biotic walked out of the dressing room. Shepard, who had been leaning against the wall straightened in surprise, the difference in the other woman’s appearance was amazing. “Nice look Jack,” she complimented and meant it. The woman’s other clothing had been meant to show off the ex-convicts tattoo’s, this was meant for intimidation factor and it succeeded.

“Any microframe upgrades for it?” Shepard asked the young man as she watched Jack examine herself in the mirror.

“Sure,” he replied, “our most popular upgrade to the microframe is the Sentry system which works with a visor to optimize the armor’s shield management.” He pointed toward a display of what looked suspiciously like reflective shades, “Any of our visors will work with the system, they just have to be properly synched.”

The tattooed woman immediately walked over to the display and grabbed a wrap around visor with a hint of a reddish tinge. She returned to the mirror. “Shit,” Jack said, stared at herself, her eyes hidden behind the reflective targeting visor, “Not bad.”

Shepard smiled, feeling very pleased; finally she had Jack in some…almost actual armor. “We’ll take the entire set, the visor and the Sentry system upgrade.”

They exited the store a few minutes later and 167k credits poorer. Jack had been surprised at the amount, Shepard had fully expected it. This was designer armor, and came with a premium price tag, but it was worth it to her to have the biotic in something with ballistic fabric, ceramic ablative plating, shields and first aid software with automatic medigel delivery. Jack had decided to wear her new armor instead of changing back into her old clothes and the clerk had assured them he would have her old gear and the armor’s storage case delivered within the hour to the Normandy. The ex-convict paused, looking uncomfortable, “This is some nice armor, thanks,” she blurted out.

“You’re welcome,” Shepard replied, and left it at that simple response. She knew that anything else was likely to backfire on her with the volatile woman, especially given how shocked Jack had been that she would spend so many credits on armor for her.

“Six members of a group calling itself TruthHax have been arrested for the illegal uploading of sensitive economic data from the Citadel Council,” the asari news reporter was saying as they passed the display screen once again. The two of them paused to listen, “An additional four members of the group were shot to death in what appeared to be an internal struggle. Tela Vasir, the Spectre assigned to the case, had no comment on her role in these matters, saying only that she considers the case resolved and is pleased with the rapid results.”

“Huh,” Jack said, glancing over at Shepard. “You ever met her?”

“Tela Vasir?” Shepard asked and at the tattooed woman’s nod shook her head, “No, I’ve only ever met two other Spectres. One of them was supposed to evaluate me; he was killed by Saren on Eden Prime. The other Spectre was Saren.”

“Damn Shepard, maybe it’s best if she doesn’t meet you,” Jack commented dryly.

Shepard snorted, “Maybe,” she agreed.

She had turned in the direction of the docking bays, ready to head back toward the ship when Jack said, “Hey Shepard.” The tattooed woman’s uncharacteristically hesitant tone stopped her mid-motion.

“Yes?” she turned back toward the other woman.

“Your biotics, you seem to be getting the hang of them really quickly,” Jack commented.

Shepard was puzzled as to where this was going, “I did have Alliance training before what Cerberus did to me, it’s helped a lot,” she replied.

Jack scowled, “I mean you seem to have a lot of control over them. You’re always calm...even when that krogan was charging you.”

And Jack was not, Amanda realized. She stared at the other woman thoughtfully, carefully considering her answer before replying, “It’s a combination between my combat training, my original biotic training and Samara’s training. Neither Marines or Justicars are big on allowing your emotions to rule you, instead they emphasize self-control and clear thinking even in the midst of combat.” She paused for a second before commenting, "I think you have more self control than you give yourself credit for Jack. People who let their emotions cloud their judgment usually get themselves killed. While you tap into your biotics with your anger, I've noticed that you generally don't let it dictate your actions."

Jack glared and kicked irritably at the floor, "That’s self-preservation."

Shepard watched the other woman for a few more silent moments, noting her growing agitation, before offering, "Would you like to learn a different way of tapping into your biotics? I can talk with Samara and come up with a training plan."

"I'm not good with that meditation stuff," Jack spoke quickly, looking as if she already regretted bringing up this subject.

That piece of information did not surprise Shepard, "Actually I was thinking we could both learn the asari martial art Liuhebafla, I've just begun learning it myself."

The tattooed woman scowled, "What does that have to do with learning biotics?"

Since she had been half-expecting the question Shepard had an answer ready, "People who have problems clearing their mind in meditation often do better with martial arts. In either, what you want to attain is focus, self-discipline, and awareness. Martial arts teach all three along with the forms of the particular martial art. When I listed the reasons I'm doing so well at my biotic training, I should have included the martial arts training I participated in both before, during and after joining the Alliance." At that moment her omni-tool flashed, indicating an incoming message for her. Besides a brief glance she ignored it, this discussion was more important. “I do think it will help you get the control you want Jack…and there are some mental exercises that might help as well.” That was how prothean children started out, Lindariel’s memories informed her, by controlling their minds first and then controlling their biotics.

Jack’s face twisted, a mixture of anger and sadness, “Martial arts, mental exercises,” she snarled. “I figured out how to use my biotics when I got tired of having the shit beat out of me.”

That's because the people who had you were inhuman monsters, Amanda thought but didn't say. It would only get Jack more worked up and derail the conversation. "You learned because you wanted to survive, but that's not the only way to learn. It's not even the best way. They did what they did because they wanted to control you, to turn you into a weapon for them. The way I and Samara will teach you will train you to take back your control over yourself and your biotics."

"Ha," Jack immediately scoffed, staring at her challengingly, "You say that, but your using me as a weapon too Shepard."

"I am," she readily agreed, there was no need to argue against something that was true, "but do you really think I don't also see you as a person, as an individual?" She could tell by the way Jack looked away that she had made her point. “Just think about it,” Shepard encouraged the other woman, “and you’re welcome to come and just watch us practice.”

After a moment, though she still didn’t look at Shepard, Jack nodded.

Sensing that any more scrutiny would just irritate the tattooed biotic, Shepard turned her attention to her omni-tool, reading the message that had come in while they were talking. She frowned; it was from Dr. T’Rani asking for her to meet with the asari doctor before she left the Citadel. First things first though, she looked over at Jack, “Something just came up I need to take care of, you alright getting back to the ship?”

The tattooed woman glared at her incredulously, “What, I need Mommy to walk me back?”

“Right…” Amanda shook her head, mostly at herself for being so distracted by the message that she had really said that to the tattooed biotic. “Pretend I didn’t actually ask that?”

Jack snorted, shook her head and then just walked away. At least it was in the direction of the ship and not further into the ward, Shepard noted.

“In other news, Ambassador Donald Udina, a longstanding member of the Alliance’s diplomatic team, will be retiring this month.” She turned to look at the nearby display, “The Systems Alliance has not yet announced who will replace the Ambassador.”

Well that had been about what she had expected, Shepard thought, as the asari news caster moved quickly on to another topic. The Council had decided to keep what had happened quiet, and the Alliance was cooperating.

 

**Citadel - Presidium, Central Medical Facility, Medical Research Wing**

Shepard had no idea why Dr. T’Rani had asked to meet with her and could only assume the asari had noticed something unusual in the scans she had taken. Had she completely misread Miranda? Had the Cerberus Operative lied to her and there was a control chip implanted within her somewhere?

“Spectre Shepard,” Dr. T’Rani rose from her chair, “I’m pleased you could make time to speak with me before you departed the Citadel.”

Amanda nodded and then asked tersely, “I assume you noticed something in my scans?”

The purple complexioned asari matron looked startled by her manner, and then the doctor’s green eyes widened in realization. “I haven’t found any evidence of a control chip,” Dr. T’Rani hurriedly assured her.

Shepard frowned; though she was relieved at Dr. T'Rani's reply she was also confused. Why had the doctor all but insisted she come by as soon as possible if the asari hadn’t found anything?

“However,” the asari stepped out from behind her desk, “I would like to discuss the results of your scans with you.” The doctor motioned toward a corner where two comfortable looking chairs were arranged in front of a large display screen which hung on the wall.

Her frown deepening, Shepard reluctantly walked over and carefully sat down, mindful to leave enough room for the weapons pack on her back. She had talked this out yesterday with Sha’ira and really didn’t feel like telling this asari doctor, who she had just met, what had happened to her. Still she suspected there would be no graceful way out of it and truthfully, even though she almost wished she didn’t, she understood why the doctor was asking her. After going over her medical scans, if she were in Dr. T’Rani’s place she would want to talk to her too. After all the asari had to report to the Council, doubtless they would ask her to explain what they were seeing in her scans and why it had been done as if the doctor could look at her medical scans and magically divine Cerberus’ reasons.

Also, though she would rather the Council actually ask her these questions instead of assuming she was either lying or being mislead and believing the Illusive Man’s fabrications about what she had been doing the last several months she was aware that her opinion vacillated on the matter. Away from the Council she wanted them to ask her about her death, but while standing in front of them yesterday and faced with the prospect of explaining it to them while faced with three doubtful and one hostile set of eyes she had been relieved that they hadn’t. Provided she could persuade the doctor to believe her, Shepard mused, perhaps letting Dr. T’Rani explain things to the Council was ultimately for the best.

Dr. T’Rani didn’t immediately begin speaking however, instead the doctor studied her for a long silent moment and Shepard had no doubt the asari matron was aware of her less than positive attitude. Finally the doctor said, “Before we start, I’d like to repeat my apology for my research assistant’s behavior yesterday.” A frown creased the asari’s brow as embarrassment showed briefly in her expression, “I never considered that he might act in such an inappropriate manner or I would have not let him assist me with your medical scans. It came as quite an unpleasant surprise to find out what had occurred when I returned to the examining room.” Green eyes met her grey ones, “I would have sent you an apology earlier Spectre Shepard, but it took me awhile to calm him down and then to get him to admit to what he had done.”

Shepard set her jaw and concentrated on not smirking or showing her amusement. After speaking with Sha’ira, the events of yesterday seemed a lot less serious today than they had when they occurred and immediately afterward. When she thought about what happened now, she mostly thought of it with amusement, as unkind as that was, and was still not feeling particularly guilty about scaring the young salarian with her biotic fit of temper.

Dr. T’Rani offered, “Do you need to speak with a counselor about what occurred?”

Shepard shook her head, “No, that’s alright. I’ve already spoken with someone about it.” The last thing she wanted was to have to fend off some psychologist that would probably be required to report to the Council on whether or not she was fit to continue her duties.

Intelligent, emerald green eyes studied her for a moment before the doctor responded, “Very well.” The asari shifted in her chair so that she faced the display screen on the wall and using her omni-tool brought up an image. Shepard immediately recognized it as a picture of her skeletal structure. The bio-synthetic replacement bones showed up as denser material than the bones which remained from her original skeletal structure. “How much do you know about the reconstructive surgery necessary to heal your injuries after the attack on your ship Spectre Shepard?”

That was certainly a nice, medical-type way of asking about Cerberus’ rebuilding of her, thought Amanda. “I know that the denser looking bones,” she motioned toward the image of her skeleton, “are bio-synthetic replacements for the bones that were so damaged that they couldn’t be repaired.”

The purple hued asari stared thoughtfully at her for a moment before inquiring, “Do you know how they were damaged?”

“Freefalling from orbit without proper reentry equipment isn’t recommended if you want to keep your body intact,” Shepard quipped. “This shoulder and arm were so pulverized from impact that I understand the fragments barely even showed up on a regular medical scan.”

Dr. T’Rani sort of froze for a moment, her eyes widening in surprise before the asari regained control of her expression. “You remember getting caught in the planet’s gravity well?” There was something about the sheer neutrality of the doctor’s tone which told Amanda that Dr. T’Rani didn't quite believe her previous statement.

Shepard shook her head, focusing carefully upon the asari’s face and a little beyond her, mapping out where she was going to look to keep her attention focused on the now. “No, my rebreather apparatus was damaged by debris from the Normandy. I asphyxiated before that happened, though I do remember the sight of Alchera filling my view while I died. It was very close.” Thankfully, except for a few unpleasant flashes of imagery and recalled emotion, she barely needed her precautions to keep from getting caught up in her memories. Perhaps she was getting so used to telling this part that she didn't actually think too much about the event itself anymore, Shepard mused.

The asari regarded her with an uncertain frown, “The information given to me said that you were clinically dead Spectre Shepard.”

“Ah, Ashley,” Shepard said softly, understanding from where the doctor had gotten that information. “No, I was not clinically dead, I was dead.” The asari’s frown deepened. “Chief Williams is very religious,” Amanda explained, “she couldn’t accept that I said I was dead since only one man has ever and will ever be resurrected in her belief system. Therefore I was clinically dead because I could not have been dead and then brought back to life any significant amount of time later.” She waited a moment for that to sink in before adding, “It wasn’t worth arguing the point with her, especially since I had a very limited time window to speak with her.”

A few seconds later, when the asari spoke again, the careful, neutral tone was present once more, “So this organization, Cerberus, informed you that they found your body among the wreckage of the Normandy?”

Shepard smiled crookedly; everyone doubted that she had been told the truth. She didn’t really blame them, from the Council and Dr. T’Rani's point of view the simplest explanation was that Cerberus had lied about bringing her back to life. She would doubt it too if there weren’t some very persuasive reasons for her to believe it was true. “You know how much of me they had to replace: bones, joint, muscles, circulatory system, skin, a blood purifier for the spleen I lost, the repairs to my spinal column, the replacement cybernetic eyes and the rebuilding of my face. Why would they have done all of that if it wasn't necessary?"

The asari doctor’s eyes narrowed, but at least she looked thoughtful now instead of doubtful. "If that's not enough for you,” Shepard added, “then perhaps the fact that I found my helmet on Alchera's surface among the wreckage of the Normandy is enough proof that my body did end up there.”

Astonishment flashed across Dr. T'Rani's expression, "Your helmet?"

"Yes, my helmet,” Shepard replied. “The one I was wearing when I died..."

A glint of light off a reflective surface caught her eye among the whiteness, she crossed over to it. It was another dog tag; she bent over and picked it up. Hector Emerson, it took her a second to recall the man's face: young, only nineteen; blonde with blue-grey eyes; one of Lt. Adams' engineers. She stored it in with the other dog tags she had found and continued her search pattern, climbing up a steep rocky slope to a higher ledge. Once there she scanned the area, looking for anything that didn't fit in the snow, ice and rock. She froze as her gaze focused upon a dark object lying discarded next to the cliff that bordered the ledge of ice she was standing upon. An Alliance breather helmet, dark grey in color with a blue stripe and a red N7 insignia. Her breath caught...pain, fear, struggling to breathe, the flash of red cybernetics in her pupils and orange synthetic muscle glowing underneath her patchwork skin.

"Spectre Shepard," a terse and yet concerned voice drew her out of the memory.

She blinked coming back to the present and realizing with a chill that she had just gotten caught up in a memory. Of all the damn times...Amanda thought, focusing on the asari sitting off to one side. The doctor was sitting forward in her chair and staring intently at her. "It was intact except for some deep gouges and scorching and still had my frozen blood, skin and hair in it." Her words flowed evenly as if she hadn’t abruptly stopped speaking for several seconds in the middle of her statement; with any luck the doctor wouldn't be certain what had just happened.

Dr. T’Rani didn't immediately respond, instead the purple complexioned asari continued to silently observe her for several seconds before asking, "Do you often have flashbacks?"

So much for luck... Shepard leaned back until she felt her weapons pack touch the back of the chair and considered the question. Flashbacks, is that what they really were, or were they just memories? Or perhaps they were a bit of both? She sighed, "Not often."

"How frequently is not often," the asari doctor inquired smoothly. "Once a month, once a week, once a day?"

Shepard frowned at the question, remembering the small incident on Tuchanka and Thalion's memories of how to combat a harvester. Did it really count when it wasn't her own memories she was recalling, she wondered with a bit of wry amusement. “It varies…” she fell silent, her gaze dropping to the table between them as she debated whether or not to mention the drell neurochemicals or remain silent and hope Dr. T’Rani didn’t ask. Which would be worse, Shepard mused silently, the Council thinking she suffered from flashbacks or her own version of drellish solipsism? It took a few seconds for her to come to a decision, once she did Shepard lifted her eyes meeting the asari’s intent green eyed gaze and inquired, “Were you planning on asking how they kept my memories and higher brain functions intact?”

Her unexpected question had the doctor staring at her in surprise for a moment, it didn’t take long however for surprise to change to intrigue. “They told you how they preserved your neural functions?”

Shepard wasn’t certain if the asari actually believed that she had been dead or not, but at least the doctor was listening. Then Amanda realized something, Dr. T’Rani was a research doctor, of course the asari would be far more interested in the details of how Cerberus had managed to piece her back together than how she was dealing or not dealing with the situation. "They did, they saturated my neural tissues with drell neurochemicals to keep my memories stable,” Dr. T’Rani’s eyes widened in surprise at that piece of information. “That’s one of the reasons why I’m not sure if I’m actually having flashbacks or just getting caught up in certain memories.”

The doctor stared at her, and Shepard could almost see the thoughts turning behind the asari’s emerald green eyes. Dr. T’Rani quickly brought up her omni-tool and tapped out a few commands, changing the skeletal display showing on the screen to one that Shepard recognized as a neurological scan and not just any but her own. "That would explain the unusual synaptic pathway potentiation I noticed in your neurological scans,” the asari remarked, her keen-eyed gaze shifting back and forth between the rotating display and Shepard.

Shepard tensed; she had wondered if the battery of scans the doctor had done had included brain scans. Now she was looking at them, which meant the asari had most certainly noticed the Cipher memories as well. Hopefully though, the asari had not noticed the second set of Prothean cultural memories alongside her human ones. Given that Dr. Chakwas’ scans hadn’t spotted them until Shepard had been actively thinking of the beacon message, they shouldn’t have shown up in these scans.

”You've experienced changes to your memories due to this?" Dr. T’Rani’s questioned, sounding fascinated.

Shepard’s lips quirked a slight smile, she had been right about what would hold the doctor’s interest. Recalling Dr. Chakwas' explanation about the changes to the long term potentiation of her neural pathways, Shepard began explaining how and why her past memories were sharper and more detailed and her memories of recent events were extremely accurate. “This is why I’m not sure I would call them flashbacks,” Shepard remarked, “their usually not traumatic memories, just intense ones.”

“I do not have much experience with drell physiology,” Dr. T’Rani admitted, “much less their specific neurology and psychology, so I cannot say whether or not you are correct Spectre Shepard." The asari researcher’s expression became very serious, "However I would strongly suggest that you speak with a professional psychologist about your memories and the times when they are stronger than your awareness of your current surroundings. You are a Spectre, a very hazardous occupation in the best of circumstances; even the briefest loss of awareness of your surroundings could be very dangerous.”

Shepard grimaced; she knew she couldn’t disagree with the doctor, if it weren’t for Garrus knocking her down to the ground she would have gotten herself killed on Horizon while remembering the conversation with the hologram of Sovereign on Virmire. Unfortunately, qualified and trustworthy psychologists which she also had the time to see were in short supply. "I’ll take your suggestion under consideration doctor," she said eliciting a frown from the asari. She continued on before the doctor could argue with her, “but it will have to wait until my mission is completed. Until then, one of my crew is a drell and is helping me adapt to the changes in my memory.”

“Spectre Shepard,” Dr. T’Rani began, her tone conveying her dissatisfaction with the human’s response.

Shepard straightened, “No, doctor,” she interrupted the asari, her voice abruptly taking on a sternly authoritative tone. “I am a Spectre, which means my mission comes first. I will adapt to these changes and overcome any difficulties associated with them. I will not allow them to interfere with the completion of my duty."

The expression on Dr. T'Rani's face was one of unusually obvious surprise, at least for an asari of her age and profession. Emerald green eyes wide, mouth still slightly parted on the next word the doctor had intended to say before Shepard interrupted her, an expression of astonishment upon her purple face as the asari stared at Shepard. Amanda was completely bemused by the doctor's reaction to what she had said; surely it wasn't that surprising for a Spectre to refuse to be sidelined over something like this.

"You..." Dr. T'Rani uttered and the snapped her mouth shut as she whipped her head around, as far as possible giving Shepard a good view of the side and part of the back of the asari's head.

Amanda stared at the protective cartilaginous ridges running up and down the side of the asari’s head and the deeper, almost black purplish skin covering the sensory organs between them in confusion. 'Oh shit,' the silent curse blazed through Amanda's mind as she realized why the doctor was reacting the way she was, she had been thinking like Thalion while she spoke and her aura must have shifted during her statement a moment ago.

As quickly as she had looked away the asari snapped her head around again to look at Shepard, only now her expression was one of confusion.

"Doctor?" Amanda inquired, being mindful to sound innocently puzzled at the asari's behavior. Dr. T'Rani might have seen through her attempt to pass off her segue into memory earlier, but if, as she suspected, her aura had shifted toward prothean for only a brief moment and then quickly back again, then what the asari sensed would be like someone catching the hint of scent upon the breeze that was just as quickly gone. If that was indeed the case, there was a good chance she could act her way out of this, especially since it wasn't supposed to be possible for ones aura to change like that in the first place. "Is something wrong?" she glanced over with a confused frown to where the asari would have been looking if the doctor had actually jerked her head around to look at something with her eyes rather than what she had actually been doing.

When Shepard looked back she met suspicious, narrowed emerald green eyes, unsurprisingly Dr. T'Rani wasn’t so easily misled. Still, Amanda could tell that from the doctor’s expression that the asari wasn’t certain what she had sensed. She raised one eyebrow and gave the doctor a questioning look. Shepard knew she didn't need to completely persuade Dr. T'Rani that the asari hadn't sensed anything; she just needed to make the doctor doubt the veracity of what she had sensed enough to let the matter drop for now. From what Samara had told her, very few asari developed their ability to read auras, and most of those were older matrons and matriarchs. Chances were slim that Dr. T'Rani, who looked to be around 400 years old and therefore in the early part of her matron years, was one of those few asari.

After a few further seconds of intense scrutiny, during which Amanda maintained her mask of bemused though beginning to feel annoyed at being stared at innocence, the asari gave a small shake of her head. "Nothing,” Dr. T’Rani said with a slight frown, “My apologies Spectre.” Shepard had to be careful not to show her relief too noticeably as the doctor activated her omni-tool and expanded part of the neurological scan on the display screen, focusing on an area of neurological activity which Amanda recognized from when Dr. Chakwas had shown her the same type of image. “Well, let’s move on, in your neurological scans I also noticed memories in an unusual location for a human…”

“But not an asari,” Shepard interrupted her, drawing the asari’s attention away from the display and to her.

The doctor’s gaze sharpened, “You already know about this as well.”

“I do,” Amanda confirmed, “but I don’t know what classification level you’ve been cleared for Dr. T’Rani.” That earned her a deep frown from the asari, who looked like she was about to argue before Shepard smoothly continued, “Therefore I will only tell you that an asari transferred some knowledge that I needed from her mind to mine. It seems to have ended up in the same place as it would in an asari.”

The two of them stared at one another. “That is all you will tell me?” Dr. T’Rani finally questioned her.

“Yes it is,” she was not about to tell the doctor about the Thorian or the Cipher. “You can always ask one of the Councilors about it if you really want to know. I suspect however, that without a greater reason than your own curiosity, they will not tell you.”

Dr. T'Rani didn't appear to be particularly pleased with her response; the asari did however seem to accept she wouldn't be getting any more information on the subject, at least not from Shepard. The doctor used her omni-tool once again to change the image showing on the display screen. It was a scan of Shepard’s full body, but one that only showed darker dots spread throughout her limbs and a few in her torso. Those were almost evenly divided on either side of her spine and extended upward to her skull. Amanda leaned forward in curiosity; this was something she hadn't seen before.

“I suspect you’ve noticed a difference in your biotics?” the purple complexioned asari asked her.

“These are my eezo nodules,” Shepard realized what the scan she was looking at was displaying.

The doctor flicked briefly toward the display screen before returning to the human, "Yes they are,” the asari confirmed, “and they are over twice as dense now. I was wondering if you knew how Cerberus accomplished this."

Shepard repeated what Miranda had told her, "Cerberus was able to force my eezo nodules into a receptive state, similar to the way they are during puberty, and then exposed them to another dose of element zero to increase the nodule density."

Dr. T’Rani tilted her head a little to the side as she considered this additional information, still she did not look very convinced. “Such a procedure has been theorized,” she allowed, “but as far as I am aware there are still substantial difficulties to be overcome.”

Shepard leaned back as much as the weapons on her back would let her. "Such as killing the person due to burning out their neural pathways from the resulting mass effect field fluctuations in their eezo nodules?" she commented.

The asari’s emerald green eyes narrowed upon her. "That would be one of the issues, yes,” Dr. T’Rani confirmed after a moment, her gaze intent. “Cerberus found a way around the problem?"

"No they didn't," Shepard commented drily, garnering herself a sharp look from the asari. "I was still dead and frozen when they did it, they were able to insulate my neural pathways from my eezo nodules and bleed off the fluctuations before they caused too much…” she smiled with sour wryness as she finished, “more damage to my body.”

Dr. T'Rani stared at Amanda, a frown creasing the asari's brow, and then the asari's gaze went abstract as she considered what she had just been told. Eventually her gaze refocused upon the human. Interestingly enough, Shepard noticed that the frown creasing the asari’s brow was even more apparent rather than less. “Yes, I can see how that might…be possible,” the doctor said slowly, her voice carrying a strange, uncertain undertone.

At first Shepard was confused by the way Dr. T'Rani was regarding her, but then it dawned on her that perhaps the asari was finally beginning to believe that, just as she claimed, she had actually been dead. She sat back, letting the weapons on her back press against the back of the couch, and simply waited for the asari research doctor to work through her thoughts.

Finally Dr. T’Rani spoke again, “I suspect you also know about the bone, muscle and skin weaves?”

“Yes, prototypes from Sirta Foundation,” Shepard confirmed.

The asari doctor tilted her head slightly to the side as a thoughtful expression crossed her face, “Do you think Sirta Foundation is involved with Cerberus?”

Shepard gave the idea almost a minute’s worth of consideration before she shook her head, “Rather the other way around I suspect and Cerberus has a few operatives within Sirta Foundation.”

Dr. T’Rani gracefully inclined her head in agreement, “That does seem more likely,” the asari agreed.

The doctor lifted her arm, activated her omni-tool, and began scanning through some information on it. Shepard watched her with uneasy curiosity. They had covered everything she knew about her new body, what else could the doctor have to show her?

The information scrolling by on the holographic display of the doctor’s omni-tool halted and Dr. T’Rani stared at whatever was shown there for a long moment with a troubled frown. The asari finally looked up from the display to her, “Spectre Shepard, are you aware of any other changes to your body?”

Had she heard a hint of hopefulness in the asari’s tone, Amanda wondered uneasily. She frowned, “No, should I be?”

Dr. T’Rani shifted in her chair in what looked like discomfort, “The Council requested that I compare your medical scans from two years ago with the scans I took yesterday and find the differences. There is one change which you have not mentioned so far Spectre Shepard.”

Something about the doctor’s demeanor, the seriousness with which the asari spoke chilled Amanda. Whatever Dr. T’Rani knew that she didn’t was not good news for her.

The asari’s expression became sympathetic, “I can think of no way to ease what I have to tell you Spectre Shepard,” she said her voice softening noticeably. “Your ovaries or more specifically the oocytes within them have been damaged.”

Amanda just stared at Dr. T’Rani, whatever she had expected to hear, this wasn’t it.

After a moment, apparently uneasy with her continuing silence the asari continued, “To remain viable human oocytes or egg cells must be frozen quickly and at a specific temperature, otherwise ice crystals will form within their cellular structure and rupture them. From what you have described to me about the conditions of your death, I suspect that your body froze too slowly to preserve them.”

 

**Normandy – Third Deck Portside Observation Room – enroute to Bekenstein**

Her hands clasped behind her back, Samara gazed out the Observation Room window at the swirling purple and blue gasses which made up the Serpent Nebula. The Normandy had left the Citadel a short time ago and was on its way to the nearest Mass Relay, their next destination was Bekenstein to recover an item for the newest recruit to join the crew Katsumi Goto. Normally she would have allowed herself to quietly enjoy the unparalleled view of the nebula this room afforded her, now though her enjoyment of it was diminished. Shortly before they left the Zakera Ward Docks Amanda had come to speak with her. Cerberus had not been able to restore all of her; her human friend would never be able to bear a child of her own.

Samara had watched as the human paced back and forth as she talked, saw the conflict on Amanda’s face as she related what the doctor she had spoken to had told her. Amanda had fallen silent for several seconds and then stated that she had never seen herself bearing a child due to her choice of occupation, neither a Special Forces Marine nor a Citadel Spectre was the best of career choices for a mother who needed to be there for her child. Amanda had stopped pacing after that statement and had instead stared silently out the observation window at the view of the Citadel. When the human had spoken once again, she had admitted that the closest she had come to thinking about a family was with Liara T’Soni and then she had imagined the asari maiden bearing their child and not her.

Samara knew that Amanda was vacillating between mourning a possible future that was now lost to her and telling herself that she had never intended to be a mother anyway and therefore the news should not bother her. She had not spoken much, nor had she the impression that Amanda expected her to say much, only to do what she had done, listen as a friend. The only comfort she had felt able to offer was her presence; she knew only too well that no words could salve such a loss even if Amanda had no true comprehension of what it was that she had lost. Samara wasn’t surprised at the human’s lack of understanding. It hadn't been until she was a mother herself that she understood the joys of watching your children grow, take their first steps, speak their first words, nor had she understood the agonizing pain that one could suffer when all your dreams and theirs fell apart and you were powerless to stop it from happening.

Though the prothean memories were rapidly maturing the human woman, Amanda was still only three decades old. The human was much too young to give up the possibility of having children someday in the future. A born leader, charismatic and strong, just and honorable, kind and generous...young Liara T'Soni may have judged the risk of Amanda dying again to be too high to remain with the human, but any asari matron would recognize the worth of Amanda Shepard both as a bondmate and as the sire of her daughters. An older asari would also know and accept that life never came with a guarantee of either happiness or longevity.

Of course it was quite possible that Amanda might find a human woman to take as a mate as well. Samara suspected that another human female would be attracted by the same characteristics as an asari. In either case, Amanda deserved to know the joys of parenthood. Samara could easily imagine Amanda cradling an infant in her arms, either asari or human. She had no doubt the human woman would make a wonderful parent, the justicar smiled, if perhaps a slightly overprotective one judging from the way Amanda treated her crew.

 

**Normandy – First Deck Captain’s Quarters – in orbit around Bekenstein**

Amanda tilted her head slightly back, held her eyelids apart and deftly inserted the colored contact lens on her fingertip into her left eye; she blinked for a few moments after it was in and then did the same with her right eye. After she was done, she examined her appearance in the mirror with satisfaction; her eyes were now a darker bluish-grey instead of light grey.

Moving closer to the mirror, she turned her head first to the left and then right as she examined her skin. She had used a chemical tanning solution to darken her skin to an olive tan earlier in the day, now she looked less spacer pale and more as if she spent at least some time planet side and in the sun. The care she had taken when applying the solution to her face had paid off and she had tanned evenly, which was good because she hadn't bought any foundation powder during her early morning shopping trip on Bekenstein as she had known her skin tone would be changing.

She turned her attention to the bag resting on the closed toilet lid and pulled out a container of blush, a milk chocolate brown for contouring, and a lighter color for highlighting. She would use all three to subtly alter the appearance of her cheekbones. She opened the container of blush, reached for a brush and swept it lightly across the makeup's surface, picking up a small amount of reddish powder on its bristles. Returning her attention to her image in the mirror she began carefully applying it to her face. It had been awhile since she had last done this, yet Amanda found that Madam LeCroix and later Leonora's lessons in using makeup and clothing to create a specific appearance were quickly coming back to her. She had always found it fascinating that such small changes could significantly alter ones appearance. When she was done, she wouldn't look much like the person the Alliance had used in their recruitment videos after her death.

Shepard was actually looking forward to this mission, pretending to be someone else, sneaking into a vault, and maybe even not having to shoot anyone. She smirked, it sounded rather different from her usual approach. Of course there was another reason she was happy to have the mission to focus upon, it meant that she had something else to think about rather than the bombshell Dr. T’Rani had dropped on her. She still didn't understand why it was occupying her thoughts to such an extent. As she had told Samara, her dreams of having a family with Liara aside, it wasn't as if she had ever really planned on having children anyway.

After coming back to the ship yesterday, Amanda had needed to speak to someone about what she had learned. Her steps had initially taken her toward the Medical Bay and Dr. Chakwas, but when she got there she hesitated, realizing that she didn’t feel comfortable enough with the older woman to talk about how she felt about losing yet another part of herself. Instead she had headed toward the port side Observation Room and the asari to whom she had already entrusted her deepest thoughts and emotions about her death. Samara hadn’t said much, but when she had finished and turned to look at the asari something in those light blue eyes told Amanda that the justicar understood, perhaps even better than she did what she was feeling.

Her attention returning to the present, Amanda pulled out the eyeliner she had bought and began the task of carefully stroking a thin line of black along the edge of her upper eyelid. This, some blue eye shadow and mascara would deepen the apparent blue of the contact lens she was wearing.

Ten minutes later, her war paint finally applied to her satisfaction, Shepard began putting on the black hose she had bought to go with the little black dress that Katsumi had chosen for her. She would have chosen something that quietly spoke of power and danger instead of the nice, but relatively nondescript, dress the thief had picked out, but then again they were going to be sneaking around. Standing out and attracting attention would be rather counterproductive to this evenings purpose.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By Kudara
> 
> Disclaimer: The Mass Effect universe is the property of Bioware/Electronic Arts. No infringement of these copyrights is intended as this is a not for profit fan fiction work.
> 
> Warning: none
> 
> Notes: This is an Alternate Universe story, and is inspired by the Beyonce song “Save the Hero,” from the album I am…Sasha Fierce. The portrayal of Cerberus in my story is heavily influenced by the contents of the second and third Mass Effect books, Ascension and Retribution. The Prothean language I’m using is a mixture of Quenyanna and Sindarin, languages originally created by Tolkien.
> 
> Rating: Teen
> 
> Feedback: Always welcome, feedback is what encourages me to keep writing. Please let me know what you like and what you dislike about the story. Thank you to my beta readers on the Kudara.fiction yahoo group for their suggestions and feedback which lead to this being a much better chapter than it would have been otherwise.
> 
> Errors and Corrections: Yes, please let me know about any errors you see so that I can correct them. This is un-beta’ed so it probably has a few.
> 
> Revision History: 05/21/2011

**Berkenstein, Donovan Hock’s Estate**

Located in an exclusive location with several other large estates and beautiful views of a large lake and the capital city in the distance, Donovan Hock's home certainly made a statement about how well the arms dealer had done for himself. Shepard stared up at the multiple-story mansion for a moment as the air car landed in front of it. To take advantage of the lake view afforded by the buildings location, almost this entire front and back of the mansion was one large expanse of glass panes from the ground floor to almost the third story. It was impressive looking, and undoubtedly meant to give that exact impression.

Swinging both legs smoothly over the side of the vehicle, Amanda rose to her feet. She took a few steps forward, the three inch heels of her shoes tapping a staccato against the flagstones, before halting and waiting for Kasumi to make her way around from the other side of the air car. A golden glitter caught her eye; Hock's men were unloading the statue of Saren that was her 'gift' to their host. Shepard didn't even want to know where the Japanese woman had found such an object.

Kasumi came up quietly beside her and they observed the careful unloading process for a moment before the thief said with a wave of her arm, "You first Ms. Gunn."

Shepard smiled at the name and proceeded forward. Allison Gunn, her identity for this evening, a mercenary in the Terminus Systems with a small but talented team who enjoyed some moderate success. Kasumi had assured her that was exactly the type of person Donovan Hock admired.

"Hold a moment ma'am," the guard, who was wearing an alternate black with white version of Eclipse armor, said as they approached him, "There seems to be an issue with your statue." Shepard paused, giving him a coolly inquisitive look while eyeing his armor at the same time. Eclipse should really consider changing their color scheme to this, she mused, black with a white emblem looked much better than the mercenary group’s standard yellow with black markings.

"Is there some problem here?" a deep voice with a noticeable Afrikaans accent interrupted. Shepard glanced over toward the source, a dark haired man in a cream colored suit coming down the stairs toward them. Amanda recognized him from the pictures she had found on the extranet; this was Keiji Oduka’s killer, Mr. Donovan Hock.

"No Mr. Hock," the guard quickly assured him as he held up his omni-tool, "Just doing a scan."

The Afrikaner turned his attention to them, "I don't believe we've met," he stated while straightening his stance. "Donovan Hock."

"Allison Gunn," Shepard reached out to shake hands, but at the last moment realized that Hock's were still firmly behind his back. Smoothly altering the direction of her movement, she raised her hand and gestured toward the mansion behind him, "You have a beautiful home Mr. Hock."

The man stared at her for a moment, his brown eyes narrowed before he smirked and nodded, "I do, Ms. Gunn and am quite proud of it."

"Sir, the scanners aren't picking anything up," the guard announced, diverting Hock’s attention and stirring Shepard's suspicions. Had the guard had expected to find something?

Hock walked over to the statue and stared up at it for a long moment. Finally he said, "Hmm... I don't think our guests would come all the way here from Ilium just to cause trouble. Do you?" The guard shrugged looking rather uneasy as he gave his employer an apologetic look. Hock shook his head and then turned back toward the two women, "You may pass through Ms. Gunn. You were invited after all. But I will ask your companion to remain outside. You understand I hope."

Shepard raised one eyebrow, "Care to explain why my friend has to stand outside?" she inquired, her voice purposefully mild. Between the guard’s behavior and now this she was definitely getting suspicious, though how Hock could possibly know who they were evaded her.

"I don't like the look of your 'friend' so she stays outside," Hock stated, his tone becoming slightly aggressive. "Simple as that."

Amanda stared at him for a moment and then shrugged, "If it makes you feel more secure," she replied lightly.

His brown eyes narrowed a little at her tone, but all he said was, "Good to see we're not going to have a problem. Enjoy the party."

Shepard motioned for Kasumi to follow her and headed back toward the air car they arrived in, "Any reason why he should suspect you’re a threat?" she asked the other woman quietly.

"No," the Japanese woman replied, "We've never seen each other in person, and no one knows what I look like."

"Any reason for him to be on the lookout for someone in general coming after the greybox?" Shepard asked next as they stopped at the vehicle.

"Mmm...Maybe," Kasumi commented sounding doubtful. "He's probably just watching his ass, I’m sure, which is a smart choice. We can still go on with the plan," she continued, "you will just have to do all the talking while I stay cloaked."

"Alright," Amanda agreed, turning back toward Hock's mansion. The guard who had scanned the statue was still watching them. She turned partially back toward her companion, "Give me a few and then follow once that guard's attention is focused elsewhere."

“Good idea," Kasumi agreed her eyes flickering toward the guard for a moment, "I'll let you know once I'm inside."

Shepard strode back toward the mansion, passing by the watchful Eclipse guard with only a brief acknowledging glance and slight smile to let him know she was amused by his behavior. An uncomfortable shift from one foot to another and an answering glare assured her he had noticed. Glass doors slid open smoothly at her approach, Shepard passed between them and into a wide hallway. Comfortable looking chairs and expensive looking paintings lined the walls leading to an open foyer with a globe sculpture and two tiered fountain in the center and another expanse of glass looking out over a view of the lake. Softly playing classical music could be heard along with the constant murmur of conversation.

Amanda strolled down the hallway, taking her time and examining the paintings while striving to control her rising levels of alertness and anticipation. She needed to wait until the guard outside stopped paying attention to Kasumi so the thief could slip in behind her. She was admiring the painting of a mountain scene when her aural implant activated, “I'm in," Kasumi announced, the thief’s voice sounding almost as if it were within Shepard’s head. "We need to find the door to the vault and case the security. We'll figure out our next step then."

She was headed towards the foyer area when a snippet of conversation from a gathering of six people in a small alcove to her left caught her attention. "Commander Shepard is still alive…really?" said one of the women in the group. She sounded as if she were responding to something someone else had stated.

"Oh, please," scoffed one of the men, "It's just wishful thinking at best."

“I’m just repeating what I heard on the news reports coming out of Illium,” another one of the women replied defensively.

Shepard glanced over at the small group and then away, wondering exactly how long it would take for the Citadel bases news services to catch on to the fact that there were entirely too many reports of her appearances to be ignored and discarded as fiction. Probably too soon for her tastes, she wryly decided after a moment’s reflection. Her attention turned toward a locked door on her left that looked interesting simply because it was locked.

Apparently Kasumi thought the same, and had either already checked it out or knew something about the layout of Hock’s mansion, “That goes to a security room. We’ll probably have to get in there at some point. Hock’s vault is to the right of the fountain and down a set of stairs.”

Already had an idea of the basic layout of the place then, Amanda decided, as she turned toward the indicated direction and continued down the center hallway. She would have to have a talk with the thief about sharing such information with her while they were preparing for the mission instead of mentioning she had it during the mission after they were done here. Shepard passed by Hock, who was standing near the fountain and talking to a man and woman she didn’t recognize, and then glance toward her right. Two asari, both with the relatively rare teal skin hue and the first asari she had seen among the all human crowd, sat on a long couch draping themselves with casual elegance on either side of an older looking human male. Behind them was an open space, a clear indication of a stairway leading downward, exactly what she was searching for.

“What’s your read on that Archangel guy?” the asari on the right asked as she passed by the trio.

“I hear he’s dead, or gone, or something. Good riddance, I say,” the older man responded.

She looked casually back only to meet the closest asari’s narrowed blue eyes, she had been noticed, whether it was because of her aura or something else about her Shepard wasn't sure. She nodded politely to the asari and then turned her attention to a conveniently placed painting, pretending an interest it. If it was because of her aura, all she needed to do was keep her distance from the two asari for the rest of the mission.

“She’s looking back the other way,” an invisible Kasumi alerted her several seconds later, “you can go down the stairs.”

Pivoting smoothly on her toes, and verifying with a quick glance that the asari was indeed no longer paying attention to her, Shepard proceeded down a single flight of stairs. There was a single locked door here and then another set of stairs going up to the other side of the foyer.

Kasumi appeared beside Shepard as the thief deactivated her cloak. The Japanese woman brought up her omni-tool, “Just a moment,” she murmured as she began hacking the lock on the door. A few seconds later it slid open. Amanda was impressed, she was no slouch when it came to electronics herself, but she suspected she would still be trying to break the encryption on that particular lock.

“Very nice,” Kasumi commented as she stepped into the room, “there’s more here than I expected.” The room wasn’t very large, and was mostly bare except for the various pieces of security equipment, a locked door further protected by an kinetic barrier, and the statue of Saren they had brought with them.

The thief crossed over to the other side and began examining the security controls while Shepard paused for a second to stare with narrowed eyes at the statue of Saren. She still couldn’t understand why he had so easily fallen prey to Sovereign’s lies, but that just proved the insidious nature of indoctrination.

“Password protected voice lock,” the thief remarked, drawing her attention away from the statue. “Kinetic barrier. DNA scanner – looks like and EX-700 series. Everything a vault needs to be impenetrable.”

Shepard frowned, “This going to be a problem?”

“Please,” Kasumi sniffed dismissively as she stared at the door with the barrier across it, “Remember who you’re talking to.” The Japanese woman turned around to face her, “We’ll need to get a voice sample for the voice lock. You’ll have to go chat up Hock for that. We’ll have to find a password too. DNA? Child’s play. We should find plenty of DNA samples in Hock’s private quarters.” The thief turned back toward the vault door, “And the barrier? Cut the power. Never fails…” Kasumi twisted her body around to look back at Shepard and added, “If we can find it.” The thief turned back toward the door, “Keiji could get through a system like this in his sleep, and I’m better.” The Japanese woman turned away from the door and crossed over to Shepard, “Let’s get to it; I believe I noticed the power feed for the barrier in the hallway outside.”

Amanda followed the other woman out into the hallway, keeping her doubts about exactly how easy the tasks Kasumi had so blithely listed would actually be to accomplish to herself. No matter how easy or difficult, they needed to be done and the greybox recovered before Hock broke the encryption on it.

“I was right, the power cable runs underneath the floor here,” the thief pointed to a conduit pipe running along the base of the wall, “I’ll set your omni-tool to scan for electromagnetic fields.” Of all their tasks, Shepard suspected cutting the power would be the easiest and also likely the last they should do before heading into the vault. She would be very surprised in a building as modern as this one if there wasn’t a VI program monitoring the state of the energy grid. Still though, there was no reason not to locate a convenient place to cut the power for when it was time.

Shepard headed up the staircase as Kasumi re-cloaked, a casual appearing glance around as she reached the top assured her that no one seemed to be paying any particular attention to her movements. She followed the power fluctuations as they ran underneath the floor and then into a wall enclosing what appeared to be a small library with couches for sitting and reading. On the left-hand side of the room a bored looking Eclipse mercenary stood guard beside a locked door leading off into another wing of the mansion.

“I think Hock’s private quarters are that way,” Kasumi said through her aural implant.

Amanda nodded to indicate that she had heard and then returned her attention to tracing the power conduit…which ran underneath the large fountain in the center of the foyer. Shepard frowned; hopefully she would pick it up on the other side instead of losing track of it altogether. She began walking around the fountain and spotted their host, Donovan Hock talking to a man and a woman. Perhaps she should talk to him and get the voice print Kasumi needed.

The thief must have been reading her mind because the next thing Amanda heard in her ear was, “Thinking about talking to Hock?” Shepard nodded. “I’m ready whenever you are,” Kasumi said, “just try and keep him talking for long enough for me to get a good sample. Pull out the charm on this one Shepard.”

Charm…for someone she’d much rather arrest than have a pleasant conversation with that might be a bit difficult. Still, she managed to be mostly polite to the turian Councilor and she dearly wanted to punch him in the face. Comparatively speaking, this should be easy.

Shepard waited for the conversation Hock was currently engaged in to wind down before approaching him. “Ms. Gunn,” the Afrikaner greeted her as she came up, and unlike before readily held out his hand for her to shake. “I hope the scene at the door hasn’t soured your evening?”

“I understand the need for security,” Amanda replied, releasing his hand, “but who would try and break into your home?” She glanced around meaningfully, “Not to mention the questionable wisdom of attempting it while you are hosting this particular gathering of people.” She could swear she heard Kasumi snort through her aural implant.

Hock barked out a laugh at her dry comment, “True enough,” he agreed with a thin lipped smile. “Gunn, in our line of work, we attract a certain element. Few understand the pains we take to keep the barbarians at bay.” He turned away from her and took a few steps towards the fountain lifting up his arms in a theatrical gesture, attracting the attention of those around them, “People these days want entertainment, comfort, love.” He dropped his arms and turned back to her, “They don’t see that the galaxy is fragile. They only have to worry about simple luxuries. Why? Because people like me – and you – are doing the terrible things that keep the galaxy spinning. This party is for us. The cleaners. The support structure for the galaxy’s gleeful delusions of peace.”

Shepard watched him with a slight amused smile as he once again raised his arms and proclaimed, “May there always be a market for the things we do.” The people around them who had heard Hock’s little speech clapped enthusiastically, and she added her own acknowledgement to theirs. The man himself, reveling in the attention, nodded politely to his guests.

Hock must have noticed her expression, “What, you find that amusing?” he questioned her, sounding a bit offended.

Shepard shook her head, “Only in that I suspect it’s a fairly safe wish.”

He considered that for a moment and then laughed, “True, Ms. Gunn true,” he agreed. “We’re not likely to be put out of business anytime soon.” He stared at her for a moment and then asked, “So how do you find Illium and the Terminus System’s Ms. Gunn?”

She was about to violate Kasumi’s warning not to talk business with him, but Shepard thought she could handle this question. She smiled, “A place where those who take the time to listen, plan intelligently and act both quickly and decisively when the time comes to act can succeed Mr. Hock.” Her answer was purposefully vague, but at the same time truthful.

“Hmm true,” Hock agreed, his brown eyes keen upon her, “the Terminus Systems reward neither the stupid nor the slow.”

“No they do not,” she could agree with that whole-heartedly. “But then I am neither,” she said, allowing a dangerous edge to color her tone.

His eyebrows rose for a moment and then he smiled as he tipped his glass of wine towards her, “So I hear Ms. Gunn. Please do enjoy the party.”

“I said get him talking and you got him talking,” Kasumi’s voice said in her ear. “We’ve got enough of a voice sample, let him go.”

Shepard inclined her head to him in a short bow, “I’m sure I shall Mr. Hock.” She stepped away from him and continued on around the perimeter of the fountain, she had a power conduit to find. Fortunately her omni-tool picked up power fluctuations exactly where she had hoped to find them. From there, it was a simple matter to follow the conduit’s path underneath the floor and into another reading room. Unlike the reading room across from it on the other side of the atrium, this one had several pieces of artwork upon the walls as well as books. Inset into one wall was a small fireplace with a burning fire. Book shelves surrounded it. Shepard frowned and crossed over to it. No, it wasn’t an actual fireplace at all, only a very realistic image of one on a display screen.

“I bet that hides a control panel,” Kasumi said as she uncloaked beside Shepard and began scanning the fake fire with her omni-tool. “Oh how quaint,” she commented after a second. She looked over toward Shepard, “Could you pull the top of that statue toward you?”

The statue she had to be referring to, since it was the only one nearby, was an Egyptian pharaoh head statue. Amanda gave the thief an incredulous look even as she did as the Japanese woman asked. Just like in an old style movie the statue was actually a lever which caused the display screen to power off and slide up out of the way, exposing a control panel for the power system.

“I know,” Kasumi agreed, sounding amused, “I guess Hock likes 21st century movies.” The thief brought up her omni-tool and began typing in commands.

“Alarms?” Shepard said while keeping a wary eye out, anyone walking in right now would quickly realize they were up to something.

“I’m disabling them,” Kasumi responded, sounding quite confident in her abilities. “There,” she murmured a few seconds later, “that should take care of the barrier. Now let’s close this back up…” She suited words to actions as the screen slid down once again and began displaying the image of a fireplace with a lit fire, “and we’re done.” The Japanese woman activated her tactical cloak once again, disappearing from sight except for a slight blur in the air.

As much as Kasumi had characterized getting past the DNA scanner as child’s play, Shepard wasn’t surprised that getting the DNA and discovering the vault password were the last things left to accomplish. They needed to figure out how to get past the guard and into the other wing of the mansion where Hock’s private quarters were located. Of course maybe they didn’t need to get past the guard at all, Shepard mused, perhaps Kasumi could find another entrance that wasn’t so well guarded. The best place to get a view of that wing was outside on the deck overlooking the lake. “Kasumi?” she said in a low voice to the shimmer in the air beside her.

“Yes?” the thief replied. Shepard took a few moments to explain her idea. “We won’t know until we look,” the Japanese woman replied when she was done.

The view outside was spectacular, the sun was setting and the lights from the city on the far side of the lake were becoming more noticeable. Shepard took a moment to appreciate the sunset, the view and the breeze off the lake. She was enjoying herself, something that was a bit unusual for her while on a mission. At the same time she felt uneasy, this all felt hauntingly familiar, as if she had done this or something like this before…only she knew she had never participated in any other mission like this one.

Shepard shook her head she couldn’t figure it out and speaking of missions, staring at the view wasn’t going to get this one done before the party was over. She began making her way toward the best view of the wing of the mansion which contained Hock’s rooms only to spot a data pad lying apparently abandoned on one of the patio benches.

It was likely to be nothing but…she made her way over to it and then casually picked it up. Activating it she saw that it was neither locked nor encrypted, instead there was a message showing on the screen.

_Pvt. Reems, _

_No way we can sneak out of that party. The place is locked down tight, and Security Chief Roe’s in charge. No way Roe would let that get past her. _

_I’d rather stand around bored on guard duty than risk her wrath. Sorry. _

_Samuels_

Her senses pricked in warning, and then she saw the slight blur in the air beside her. Kasumi she realized relaxing, and tilted the pad so that the cloaked thief could read it as well.

“Chief Security Roe huh, sounds like a hard ass,” the thief observed quietly. “If we could tap into the guards’ communications, I could probably use this information to our advantage. I can’t see any way into Hock’s quarters from here. I suspect our next step is sneaking into the security room. Quietly taking out the guards, and then seeing what we can find there.”

Shepard glanced over at what she could see of the wing that housed Hock’s rooms. She had hoped there would be another way in, but it seemed that wouldn’t be the case. She nodded, placed the data pad back where she had found it and then headed back inside. Fortunately, the group that had been talking in the alcove near the security door when she arrived had either dispersed or moved somewhere else. There was no one else there when she stepped into it from the central hallway.

“Give me a moment,” Kasumi whispered and then didn’t even uncloak while hacking the door. As soon as the indicator panel changed from orange to green Shepard slipped through the door and into a short hallway with another door at the other end. The hallway was empty and there appeared to be no camera’s monitoring it, a rather poor security choice on Hock’s part.

After the door closed behind them, Shepard jerked her head toward the other end of the hallway. “Any idea what’s on the other side of that door and how many Eclipse mercenaries will be in there?” she said in a low tone.

“The architectural plans indicate it’s a five by five meter room,” Kasumi replied, uncloaking. “I’d guess no more than three Eclipse, and more likely just two, to monitor the security network.”

Alright," Shepard began walking up the hallway toward the door; they needed to take down the guards quickly before they could alert anyone. The question was exactly how to accomplish that…Shepard frowned, her mind ticking through several different possible tactical options

Approximately a minute later she nodded to Kasumi. The thief was cloaked and ready to open the door. She was outlined in a nimbus of bluish white dark energy which was most heavily concentrated along her right arm and hand. The two sides of the door slid back from one another, revealing a large room beyond with an office like area and orange colored holographic displays taking up most of the far wall. Shepard saw only two guards; she thrust her hand swiftly forward and released the mass effect field in a smooth arc toward the two armored figures.

The dark energy sphere soared across the room to a spot just above the two Eclipse mercenaries where it coalesced into a biotic singularity. Gravimetric wells, of which the singularity was one type, were destructive to both armor and flesh and the two men began screaming in pain as they were pulled off their feet and upward into the air. In the next moment, two well placed shots from the thief’s weapon silenced them. As the singularity would make no distinction between friend and foe, Kasumi and she waited until the dark energy dissipated and the bodies of the Eclipse mercenaries fell to the floor before moving further into the room.

"Hmm I have an idea," Kasumi said, slipping around the long workstation counter that divided the rest of the room from the security office and sitting down in front of an open security console. They had successfully taken the guards completely by surprise, neither Eclipse mercenary had time to either alert anyone or close their station down. "See what you can find while I see what I can do here."

Shepard watched for a few seconds as the thief began exploring the mansion’s data system, the feeling of déjà vu was stronger now even though she still had no idea why. Finally she turned away to begin her own search. It didn’t take her long to spot the data pad lying upon a desk, crossing over to it she picked it up.

_Nance—_

_I have that problem too. So many passwords around here, can’t keep them straight. The password for tonight is PERUGGIA, so it’s not even that easy to remember._

_It’s no big deal. That voice scanner means the password’s only useful to Hock anyway._

_After this party want to grab some beers? Let me know._

_\--Samuels_

Shepard shook her head in disbelief at their luck. The Eclipse mercenary in charge of Hock’s guard force, Chief Roe, might be a hard ass, but he or she was lax at enforcing basic operational security measures.

“Got something?” the thief inquired as Shepard came up beside her.

“Yes,” the Spectre replied, handing the pad over, “the password we needed believe it or not. Hock’s guards seem to like leaving critical information lying around.”

“No kidding,” Kasumi agreed as she took the pad, “bad for them, but good for us. Huh,” the Japanese woman commented, “Peruggia, that’s the name of the man who stole the Mona Lisa. Nice.” The thief laid down the pad on the desk in front of her. “I’ll just take the voice sample we got from Hock and…” she activated what looked like a voice synthesizer program on her omni-tool. “Got it,” Kasumi declared victory after a few minutes work. “Now we can crack that voice scanner.” The Japanese woman rose from the chair, “I’ve tapped into their communications and that gives me an idea about how to get past that private room guard. Just tell him Chief Roe sent you and I’ll take care of the rest.”

Kasumi’s plan worked like a charm, the guard was only too eager to let her by when ‘Chief Roe’ confirmed her authorization to enter. After collecting enough DNA samples from around Hock’s private quarters and finding information which showed that Hock still hadn’t been able to break the encryption on Keiji’s greybox, they left the way they had come. With only the briefest glance in the Eclipse guard’s direction as she walked confidently past him, Shepard headed down the stairs to her left toward the vault. The barrier that had been across the door at the end of the room was down, all they needed to do was bypass the other two security measures and they could get into Hock’s vault.

Her armor and their weapons were stored in the base of the statue. While Kasumi kept watch in the hallway, Shepard stripped out of her dress, heels and stockings and began putting on the tight fitting underlay for her armor. Standing in the small room with Saren’s statue staring fixedly at her while she undressed down to her underwear was a very strange experience. To say that Shepard felt very relieved, not to mention a lot less vulnerable, once she got the underlay and then her armor on was definitely not an understatement.

Kasumi slipped inside the room, “I’ll go ahead and open up the vault while you finish up.”

Shepard nodded; she just needed to secure her assault rifle, pistol and knife, which were the only weapons there had been room for in the limited space inside the pedestal given that her hardsuit and Kasumi’s SMG and pistol had to be fitted as well, and she would be ready.

“DNA identification confirmed. Welcome Mr. Hock,” a computer generated female voice declared as the Japanese woman used the DNA they had found to fool the security system.

“Password required,” the computer requested next.

Kasumi’s fingers played over the haptic interface of her omni-tool. “Peruggia,” it sounded just like Hock.

“Voice ID accepted. Welcome Mr. Hock.” The lock indicator on the door changed from red to green and then opened revealing the clean silvery interior of an elevator.

“There are security cameras in here,” Kasumi warned, “I’ll set up a recording loop so they won’t notice us using it.”

Shepard kept watch on the entrance to the room they were in as the thief worked. As soon as Kasumi turned and nodded to her she left the doorway she had been standing in and entered the elevator with the other woman. The doors closed and the elevator descended into the subfloors beneath the mansion, phase one of their mission had been completed successfully.

When the elevator doors opened once again, it was to a massive room that looked to be the size of a football stadium and at least three stories tall. The first thing Shepard noticed as they stepped into the area was the head of the statue of Liberty displayed prominently in the center of the long rectangular room. It was only after she stared at in disbelief at for a few seconds that she really began paying attention to all the other works of art. Statues of various krogan upon pedestals, famous warlords she suspected, predominated, but there were other species depicted as well, including one rachni.

“So this is Hock’s vault,” Kasumi said, drawing Shepard’s attention away from the rachni statue, “Very nice.” The thief turned around and then exclaimed, “Michelangelo’s David. Just…wow!”

Shepard turned to see what the Japanese woman was talking about, and her eyes widened as she looked up at the seventeen foot tall statue to the right of the doorway. Either this was the real Michelangelo’s David or it was a very good fake. She followed the thief over to stand in front of the tall statue, her memory reminding her that the famed statue had been stolen a few centuries ago and never recovered. If she was looking at the real thing, then Hock had a very important piece of Human culture locked away in his vault. It wouldn’t be staying here, she decided. No matter how much money Hock had, he would soon find out that not everyone was willing to turn a blind eye to his activities, especially when it came to Humanities priceless artifacts like this statue.

“Think we could get this out the door?” Kasumi mused thoughtfully.

The thief’s question came as a complete surprise to Shepard, who regarded the Japanese woman with an incredulous gaze. After a moment she replied succinctly, “No.”

Kasumi sighed, “It is a bit big to sneak out," she allowed.

Shepard’s eyebrows rose as she glanced briefly upward at the seventeen foot tall statue, “Just a bit.”

The thief gave the statue one last longing look and then turned away, “Keiji’s greybox is in here somewhere, we just need to find it.” The Japanese woman raised her arm and activated her omni-tool, the holographic interface glowing a familiar orange around her hand and forearm, “I’ve got a scanner that should help us narrow down the location once we get close.”

Shepard looked after Kasumi for a moment as the woman headed toward the center of the room, presumably to begin a search pattern for the greybox. So far it looked like their entry into Hock’s vault had gone unnoticed. Her gaze went once again to the statue of a rachni Queen, as important as finding Keiji’s greybox was she wanted to take a closer look at it while they were down here.

The statue was many times smaller than the real thing. Shepard stared at the sculpted image of the rachni: the mouth open in a harsh, frozen screech, the tentacles swept forward, sharp pods on their ends spread in deadly attack. Endlessly attacking, endlessly hostile, ultimately forcing an ending which led to their extinction – this was the image the galaxy had of the Rachni. Only Shepard knew that the rachni were more complex than this statue would imply. She remembered the Queen’s personal message to her, the kindness, the concern…and yes, the love that had wrapped around her consciousness soothing her pain and loss. Rayna’s tale of how, after her ship’s crash landing, rachni soldiers had found her on the verge of death and had sung reassurances to her before helping the wounded asari. Then there was her own influence upon the rachni, her addition to their song, it was something she tried not to think about too often, but it was also something that she couldn’t forget.

Shepard shook her head, annoyed at herself; this wasn’t the right time to be musing about the rachni and the challenges they faced in the future. She turned away from the statue, sweeping her gaze over the pedestals around her looking for something small and out of place. Or more likely it was stored in a drawer somewhere either in one of these pedestals or in the wall. A neural implant didn’t really seem like something one would just leave lying about in the open with all these pieces of artwork.

She began wandering from artwork to artwork, her eyes searching for any sign of the greybox as well as any sign of drawers or storage space within the pedestals. Shepard glanced down curiously into a display case as she passed by; there was a piece of masonry within with a very familiar looking script artistically carved upon it. She frowned and then moved around the case to the other side. The script on the piece of stone was in Eldalie or Prothean, the only reason she hadn’t immediately recognized it was that it had been upside down when she first looked at it.

“I’m getting a signal over here,” Kasumi announced from where she was standing near the Statue of Liberty head.

Shepard barely heard the thief; she was busy reading the very intricate and artistically detailed script which was an example of artwork in its own right. Written upon the piece of stone were four short phrases.

_Barathon a Brienna eressë ëa  
Barathon né gelir ósina  
Ómerë ontanë mir ëa  
Maurë a náma cargelir_

Only Barathon and Breina existed  
Barathon was content with this  
With a yearning to bring forth into being  
Need and desiring to please her

Amanda frowned at the four sentence fragments. The phrases seemed very familiar to her, like a story she knew but couldn’t quite remember….

 

In the beginning only Barathon and Beriana existed, the infinite was both empty and filled with their essence. Barathon was content with this state of being, but his mate Beriana was not. Eventually she became restless and was filled with a yearning to bring forth into being a creation which was of them and yet not them.

Barathon, knowing of her need and desiring to please her, agreed. They gathered together a portion of their essence, imbued it with their purpose, and then began the flow of time within it. Released, their essence expanded to fill the place created by Barathon and Beriana for it, becoming the galaxies, stars, planets and moons. Thus the universe and all within it came into being.

Senior Hand of Justice Yáviel Aldaelwa tilted her head in apparent interest as she read the familiar words inscribed in the stone pedestal supporting the stylized stature of the Mother Goddess Beriana. Only a fraction of her attention was actually focused upon what she was reading however, the greater portion of it was focused upon a male standing approximately six meters away speaking with another male. Two body guards stood behind their employer, solid unmoving presences whose eyes constantly swept across those around them searching for threats.

Neither bodyguard paid more attention to her than to any one else around them. Centuries of training and experience had taught her how to not betray her interest or her inner tension. Other than to note their presence with a curious look, much as everyone else around the trio of males was doing, she didn't look directly at them or act in any way as if she even particularly noticed them. Neither did she pay any particular attention to her fellow Hand’s of Justice stationed around the area, Mandil Kialta, Lyion Aldavaul, Ialaralda Tallothsyr, and Revion Nallloth.

Two low toned beeps in her ear indicated the activation of her team's channel through her aural implant. “Report, Aldaelwa,” the feminine voice speaking to her belonged to her supervisor, Maeriel Laranas.

Yáviel turned partially away from the three males she was observing. "My team is in position and our target is in sight. He has two bodyguards and appears unaware of our presence," she responded quietly, keeping it brief.

“Hold your positions. We are still awaiting word from the Office of Justice on their decision,” Laranas informed them.

“Understood,” Yáviel replied. Her target, Calanon Haeeth, was well-known, rich and powerful. He was also the head of a small, but well-organized, criminal organization, dealing in drugs, illegally trading controlled technology, and possibly even in slavery. The local Justice Departments who had investigated his activities in the past had never collected enough solid evidence to convict him. Although they had arrested him for the illegal possession of controlled technology on three separate occasions, each time the prosecuting attorneys had failed to conclusively make their case to the presiding jury that Haeeth was guilty.

The Empire’s Office of Justice, however, followed different standards of evidence. They were allowed to weigh all the evidence that had ever been collected on a particular person of interest to them and whether or not it had previously been used in a trial did not matter. In addition, the Empire’s Office of Justice was not focused on the commission of any one crime, but rather proving a pattern of egregious criminal behavior.

It was the Office of Justice’s duty to uphold the very tenets of their civilization: honor, nobility, truth and duty to the Empire and Emperor. The Hands of Justice all understood how fragile those values were, how easily tarnished and damaged if they were not carefully protected. To keep them strong justice had to follow injustice as day followed night, as summer followed winter. The unjust must never prosper or evade the consequences of their actions.

The office of Justice and the Hands of Justice existed because of criminals like Calanon Haeeth. Edhil like him believed that notions of honor, duty and truth were nothing but impediments to their selfish desires. They ignored and trampled upon the laws and values of the Empire as if they were rubbish underneath their feet, and thought that gaining personal wealth and power was more important than preserving the Empire and the morals that kept it strong. While he lived and was free, Calanon Haeeth was an affront to every true and loyal citizen of the Empire…

“Hands of Justice, the Office of Justice has issued the warrant for his arrest,” Maeriel Laranas’ voice broke into her thoughts. “Move in!”

Yáviel, turned smoothly away from the statue of Beriana, her eyes automatically going to the rest of her fellow Hands as they began moving in on Calanon Haeeth and his two body guards. Her dolthond stiffened protectively around her neck as her hand went to her pocket for her badge of office at the same time as she began walking steadily towards her target.

Perhaps he would attempt to run or fight once they moved into arrest him, Yáviel mused to herself. Any attempt to evade or resist arrest by the Hands of Justice was considered an admittance of guilt and an attempt to escape from the judgment of the Empire. Then she and the other Hand’s would be duty bound to carry out their secondary function as Executioners of Justice.

Though they carried no weapons due to the covert nature of this operation, Yáviel knew that neither she nor her team needed them to stop Haeeth and his bodyguards should they chose to attack. Their biotics would be more than sufficient to overcome any resistance. Between her personal interest in and self-training of her biotic abilities in addition to her more formal professional training, Yáviel was one of the more skilled biotics among the Hands of Justice. That fact did not mean that her other four team members were not highly competent biotics as well; one did not get an offer to become a Hand of Justice unless you were at least a Dragaran of the Order of Varnor and among the best law enforcement agents in the Empire.

As the team leader, Yáviel had the honor of being the one to inform Haeeth that he was under arrest and which court had originated the warrant. As the Hands closed in, Calanon’s bodyguards stiffened and reached for their weapons, but then paused uncertainly as they saw the Empire Office of Justice ID's and recognized who exactly was approaching. Attacking a Hand of Justice was an immediately actionable capital offense and required the Hands to respond with deadly force and they bodyguards well knew it. Yáviel held out her badge as she approached him, “Calanon Haeeth,” she declared in a firm tone, “the Empire’s Office of Justice has…”

 

Noise…a loud voice speaking… Yáviel brought her hand up to her face and shook her head feeling slightly disoriented. She looked up and then took a startled step backward. Monstrously huge, an alien face hovered in the air above her. Two eyes, a protruding nose with two breathing holes and a fleshly lipped mouth…and she could see the wall of the room behind it; a holographic projection the Hand of Justice realized quickly and one that was speaking in it's strange alien sounding language. Not to her though, its attention was directed behind her.

Yáviel turned around, rows and rows of display pedestals with strange statues upon them and in the middle a carving of a huge head whose features looked very similar to the alien in the holographic image. She stared at her surroundings, completely bewildered at her abrupt change in locale. Where was she? Where were the other members of her team? For that matter, where was Calanon Haeeth who she had been about to arrest?

A voice drew her attention; a slim bipedial alien dressed in grey form-fitting clothing which clearly displayed the outline of breasts had just spoken. A cowl covered the alien female’s head and obscured its features preventing Yáviel from determining the figure’s species. She suspected however, the female alien was of the same race as the one in the holographic image. Speaking of which, that alien was talking once again, apparently in response to whatever the mysterious female alien had said earlier. The holographic image of the alien continued speaking for awhile, giving Yáviel time to examine her current surroundings more closely. The statues and artwork she had noticed earlier were all unfamiliar to her save one. There was a statue of an aged sage, the kind most often placed in memorial parks, further down and to her left.

She was staring at it when the alien female called out attracting her attention. She frowned; the alien seemed to be speaking to her and was pointing at something behind her. The Hand of Justice turned just as a door approximately five ranga behind her cycled opened revealing a room; a closed door inset into the far wall of that room; and six aliens in pale yellow armor with black markings, some of which wore helmets and some who did not. Judging from their similar but slightly different body shapes, Yáviel suspected she was looking at both male and female members of the alien’s species. They each held a weapon raised and ready to fire and upon seeing her pointed them toward her.

She turned fully toward them, raising her empty hands, “Hold aliens,” she ordered with firm authority. Whoever they were they surely knew of the Empire and its laws. “I am Senior Hand of Justice Yáviel Aldaelwa of the Edhel Empire’s Office of Justice. Lower your weapons immediately and I will not take any action against you.”

The aliens looked confused at her words, she could see them glancing at each other and muttering to each other in their own language. Was it possible they didn’t understand her, Yáviel wondered doubtfully. That seemed highly unlikely to her, the Empire’s influence extended throughout the entire galaxy, it was impossible for any space faring race to be unaware of the Empire and not to have access to a translation matrix.

Currently, the Empire's stance toward the few space-faring species the Edhel had encountered was to isolate those races and refuse them entry onto any Empire world and restrict their travel through Empire space. Their ways had been judged to be too violent and degenerate for the Empire to permit them unrestricted movement and cohabitation with the Edhel. Such restrictions would only be lifted once a race petitioned for inclusion to the Empire and demonstrated they were ready to fully embrace the Empire's laws and culture and become truly civilized.

Yáviel was aware that some aliens took the Empire's stance toward non-Edhel races as an excuse to reject anything and everything having to do with the Empire. Even though she had never heard of any race matching the appearance of these particular aliens, they likely belonged to one of those groups. If they did not have the means to translate Eldalie into their language it was by their own choice. Unfortunately for them, their willful ignorance did not absolve them from following the Empire's laws when it came to the Empire's citizens and especially the Empire's Hands of Justice.

One of the aliens, and from the body shape a female one, stepped forward away from the others and raised what appeared to be some type of assault rifle to her shoulder. The alien barked out something in her language that Yáviel suspected was an order for her to surrender. Yáviel stared at the female alien for a moment debating her next course of action.

There were six of them and only one of her, they were all armed and armored while she had neither weapons nor armor. Yáviel was confident in her ability to protect herself with her bioitcs, but she could not shield herself for very long against six assailants with assault rifles. There was also the possibility these aliens had something to do with her being here, however her abduction had been accomplished.

Her thought were interrupted by the female alien stepping forward and shouting angrily at her, apparently not at all pleased with her lack of response to the female's earlier demand. The five other aliens behind their leader raised their weapons as well and Yáviel noticed the female alien's finger tightening around the trigger of her rifle.

Yáviel's mental focus automatically shifted from alert into battle awareness, the alien’s intent to kill her if she did not surrender to them was now unmistakable. “Very well, you have decided your fate,” she said calmly. The Empire’s laws were clear and applied equally to all whether citizen or non-citizen. A shimmering barrier of dark energy formed around her at the same time as her hand thrust forward, bluish-white energy swirling, gathering around it, and then releasing in a rush of energy. The mass effect field caught the aliens, lifting and slamming them forcefully into the closed doorway behind them with a loud booming noise.

Yáviel gaped in surprise at the result of her attack, her biotics felt very sluggish, as if her amplifier wasn’t working properly and yet her abilities were more powerful than normal. She had little time to ponder the strangeness of it as the aliens began to push themselves up from the floor while making angry and hurt sounds. That was enough to bring her back to a sharp awareness of her current situation; she had injured them, but not incapacitated them. That was easily remedied; she turned toward one of the alien statues. She didn’t know what race it was carved in the likeness of, but it was tall, solid and suitable for her purpose.

Dark energy flared around her body in a bluish-white corona as she gestured at the statue and then expanded to surround the carved stone figure, lightening the mass of it and lifting it from its pedestal. Immediately after doing so, her head began to ache with the slight incipient flare of pain just above and behind her eyes. It felt exactly as if she were stressing her amplifier, which made her feel certain that there was something wrong with it. The aliens began firing upon her perhaps sensing her intent, but her barrier held, deflecting their attack. Centuries of dedicated practice and actual combat experience allowed Yáviel to maintain both the barrier wrapped protectively around her body and keep the statue aloft in the face of both their weapons fire and her gradually increasing headache. Another gesture of her arm sent the statue accelerating forcefully toward the group of attacking aliens.

A few of them, quicker than the others, dropped to the floor in an effort not to be crushed by the massive projectile suddenly headed their way. Three of the alien’s succeeded; the rest did not and were crushed underneath the massive weight of the statue. Yáviel didn’t give the survivors’ time to recover, she was weaponless, but then she didn’t need a weapon in hand to defeat them. Ignoring the increasing pain in her head, she focused her will and felt a prickling sensation along her body as biotic energy gathered about her and then formed a swirling corridor of bluish-white dark energy around and in front of her. In the next instant, she charged directly into the midst of the aliens, her target the same female who had stepped forward earlier and spoken so harshly to her.

The alien female had been in the process of standing when Yáviel began her charge. When the Hand’s body, preceded by a concentrated shockwave of biotic energy, slammed into the alien the female went flying backward to slam into the wall two ranga behind her and then fell down limply onto the statue now resting upon the floor. Yáviel didn’t check to see if the alien were alive or not, she strode forward, seized the alien’s head between her hands and then with a smooth, practiced motion snapped the female’s neck.

As she released the now certainly dead alien’s head, one of the two remaining aliens, a male by its build, roared in anger and rushed toward her while the other one, a female, raised its weapon, aiming it at her. Long habit had a barrier forming around her before the female alien even began firing and a quick step backward placed the male between Yáviel and the female alien, putting him within her field of fire.

As the male closed in on her, the Hand of Justice gestured in a brief motion, forming a mass effect field right in front of her that would lighten anything entering into its field of effect. Instead of ramming into her and overwhelming her with his greater strength and mass, the male alien found himself instead weighing next to nothing. In a quick, fluid series of movements, Yáviel took another step back, seized his arm to guide his body in front of her and then released it as his shoulders came even with her torso. In a swift movement she then grasped his head with both hands and twisted, using the male alien’s own momentum against him. His hands reached up to grab her own, but it was too late for him, she heard the snap and felt his body go limp.

She released the alien, letting the body fall and slide along the floor until the mass effect field lightening it dissipated and it came to rest. Now there was only the single female left as well as the alien in the form fitting grey suit who had warned her of the other aliens’ incipient arrival. Yáviel turned to look at the lone alien in yellow armor standing nearby; in the silence she could hear the female breathing with loud harsh breaths within her helmet. The alien said something harsh sounding to her, the Hand of Justice didn’t understand the words but she could hear the shock, anger and grief in the female’s voice right before the alien raised her weapon once again.

Yáviel had been expecting that, the female was standing less than two ranga away, well within range of her biotics. A quick gesture of her hand and she pulled the weapon from the alien’s grasp sending it flying past her. Fear finally broke the alien’s resolve; the female darted swiftly by her and started running out the entrance that Yáviel had charged through earlier.

It was unfortunate for her that she had already attacked the Senior Hand of Justice; by law Yáviel could not let her go. She reached forward and with a summoning motion pulled the fleeing alien off her feet and though the air back toward the edhil. Yáviel clenched her hand into a fist, summoning a mass effect field around it and when the female sailed past her struck the alien hard against the back of the head. The mass effect field both protected Yáviel’s fist and added damage to her blow, when the female struck the wall and slid limply down it the Hand knew she was already dead.

Yáviel paused a moment to take stock of her current situation, her headache wasn't growing any worse which was reassuring. That indicated that whatever was wrong with her implant wouldn't prevent her from using her biotics so long as she didn't utilize them excessively. She walked back out into the large room with all the statues, there was one more alien about and perhaps this one knew how she had gotten here and why. She stopped just after entering the cavernous area, looking around searchingly for the grey clad female. She didn’t immediately spot her, had the grey clad female left when the fighting began or was she hiding somewhere among all these pieces of alien artwork?

Before she could investigate the room further she noticed a slight blur in the air out of the corner of her eye. She whirled around to face it, falling into a defensive stance as a biotic barrier shimmered into existence once again around her body. Yáviel knew what it was she had spotted, she had used enough camouflage devices herself to recognize the signs of someone else using one.

The grey clad female alien appeared as she deactivated the device, her weapon pointed at the floor in a sign of non-aggression. The female spoke to Yáviel, and though she could not understand the alien’s speech she did catch the tone of puzzlement in the grey clad alien female’s voice. The Hand of Justice stared at the alien in equal amounts of confusion, why did it seem as if she expected Yáviel to know her?

“Who are you,” Yáviel asked the friendly seeming alien hoping that this one had a proper translation program, “And where am I?”

The alien spoke only one questioning word in reply, but at least it was a familiar sounding one. The edhil frowned, repeating the sound the female had made in her mind. It didn't mean anything in Eldalie so why did it sound like something she should know?

"Shepard?” this time the word the alien spoke seemed recognizable…but why?

 

She brought up a hand to the clear faceplate of her helmet, suppressing a groan of pain at the headache that throbbed behind her eyes. Amanda’s mind wavered back and forth for a brief moment between her human memories and the memories of Yáviel Aldaelwa before settling into Shepard’s own memories of who she was, where she was, and why she was here.

Her mind finally fully clearing of the Hand of Justice’s memories, Shepard’s eyes went wide in dismay behind the sheltering screen of her hand as she realized what had just happened. She had gotten caught up in a prothean memory right in the middle of a mission, and she was not with Samara, Garrus, or Tali…or even Miranda. “Kasumi,” she acknowledged the Japanese woman’s presence.

“Well that’s a relief,” the thief commented, “both to hear you say something I understand, and for you to recognize me.”

Except for a brief sideways glance at the Japanese woman, Shepard didn’t immediately reply. In between silently swearing invectives at the current situation she found herself in, Shepard's mind raced, searching for a way to avoid explaining what had just occurred. She didn’t know anything about Kasumi Goto other than what information Cerberus had included in her dossier, what the Japanese woman had told her about her mostly stolen possessions, and their discussion about this mission and Kasumi's deceased lover Keiji. Despite their short acquaintance she liked the Japanese woman and felt confident in her abilities, but sharing information about the Cipher with her was another matter entirely.

Her expression guarded, Shepard removed her hand from her helmet's faceplate, and reached over her shoulder for her M-96 Mattock heavy assault rifle. Her amplifier induced headache was already easing and at least now she remembered she had weapons and was wearing armor. "We need to get moving, they'll be sending more squads at any moment," she said firmly.

Kasumi tilted her head slightly to the side as she regarded the human Spectre, "So, we're avoiding the topic. Is that just for now or always?"

Shepard sighed, resigning herself to the fact that the Japanese woman wasn't just going to forget about what had just happened. Not that she could really blame her. "I haven't decided," she admitted. "It's a sensitive topic and classified so this isn't the place to be discussing it anyway."

The thief regarded her for a moment longer before replying, "Alright. By the way I came across something that might be of interest to you." Kasumi unclipped a submachine gun from the weapons pack on her back and handed it to Shepard who took it and looked it over curiously. It appeared to be a perfect match to the one the thief was holding, which Shepard would swear wasn't the same SMG as the thief had brought with her. "Hock had the Kassa Locust, the one that was used to kill two presidents and a perfect replica. They’ve been modified to take thermal clips; I thought you might like one of them."

Shepard didn't bother asking which one of the two Kasumi had given her; she would be very surprised if she were holding the original. “Thanks,” she said as she twisted her arm around to store the weapon in the empty lower back spot of her weapon’s pack. She didn’t normally use a SMG or even bring one on missions; several other crewmembers did however, and would probably be more interested than she in the new weapon. “I hope you’ll understand if I stick with my assault rifle for now. I prefer to not use an unfamiliar weapon during a mission.”

“Of course,” Kasumi responded easily. “There was also an OSD with fabrication specifications,” the thief fished said OSD out of one of her belt pouches and held it up for a second before returning it to its storage spot. “I’m sure Jacob could make good use of it.”

“I’m sure he can,” Shepard agreed with an amused quirk of her lips. Taylor would doubtless be delighted at the opportunity to examine these particular weapons.

“Since going back the way we came in is probably a bad idea,” Shepard commented, eliciting a smirk from the Japanese woman, “What is our best way out of here?”

Kasumi pointed toward the open door and the room where she had killed the mercenaries. On the far side of that room was a closed door. “There’s a landing pad to the east,” the thief said, “through that door.”

“Joker,” as they started toward the door, Shepard activated her communications channel and contacted the Normandy, “There’s a landing pad on the east side of Hock’s estate, tell the shuttle to be ready to pick us up as soon as we get there.”

“Will do Commander,” the pilot affirmed. Shepard frowned at the military title, but didn’t say anything; it wasn’t like she had announced to the entire ship that she was no longer a part of the Alliance.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By Kudara
> 
> Disclaimer: The Mass Effect universe is the property of Bioware/Electronic Arts. No infringement of these copyrights is intended as this is a not for profit fan fiction work.
> 
> Warning: Violence
> 
> Notes: This is an Alternate Universe story, and is inspired by the Beyonce song “Save the Hero,” from the album I am…Sasha Fierce. The portrayal of Cerberus in my story is heavily influenced by the contents of the second and third Mass Effect books, Ascension and Retribution. The Prothean language I’m using is a mixture of Quenyanna and Sindarin, languages originally created by Tolkien.
> 
> Rating: Teen
> 
> Feedback: Always welcome, feedback is what encourages me to keep writing. Please let me know what you like and what you dislike about the story. Thank you to my beta readers on the Kudara.fiction yahoo group for their suggestions and feedback which lead to this being a much better chapter than it would have been otherwise.
> 
> Errors and Corrections: Yes, please let me know about any errors you see so that I can correct them. This is un-beta’ed so it probably has a few.
> 
> Revision History: 07/02/2011

**Bekenstein, Donovan Hock’s Estate con’t,**

Shepard’s steps faltered as she came upon the body of the woman she had executed while trapped in Yáviel's memories; as the Hand of Justice, she hadn't felt any satisfaction or enjoyment at killing the scared and fleeing woman. That was a relief to Shepard; it would have been disturbing to remember feeling either emotion. There hadn't even been a sense of victory over her opponents, something that in the past she had admittedly felt after some battles. There had only been a brief moment when she had pitied the woman her fate and then that emotion had been overwhelmed by strict necessity of carrying out the requirements of Edhel law.

Shepard had never before felt as if the dictates of law were literally forcing her into one action without even the possibility of disobedience. Letting the woman go, showing her mercy hadn't even crossed her mind as an option she could take, it had been as if the Eclipse mercenaries death had been set in stone from the moment she chose to attack. As she looked down at the dead woman, Shepard wondered if that was how Samara felt while carrying out the dictates of her Code. She would have to ask, Amanda resolved as she stepped around the body of the woman, but that needed to happen later, right now she needed to focus on getting both of them out of here in one piece.

She moved over to the unlocked door on the far side of the room and opened it, revealing what looked like an underground garage. They stepped from well-maintained tile flooring onto scraped and oil-marked concrete and asphalt, from filtered air to the chemical overlay of cleaning solvents and lubricant - quite a change from the interior of Hock’s mansion. As the door closed behind them, Shepard looked around the area, which appeared to be a maintenance bay. Storage containers were scattered around in stacks and to her right was a parked M-080 IFV or infantry fighting vehicle. Just then the heavy garage doors on the opposite side of the bay rose with the audible sound of gears and hydraulics, sending both she and Kasumi diving for cover. It was a fair bet that whatever was on the other side of them wasn’t friendly.

They weren't...Eclipse mercenaries began firing upon them as soon as the garage doors rose far enough for the mercenaries’ to spot them. Shepard concentrated; wrapping mass effect fields around herself in a protective barrier, and then rose and fired back at the Eclipse. The M-96 Mattock she was using for this mission was a single fire heavy rifle that relied on accuracy and punch to take down targets rather than firing rate. At close range it was particularly deadly, two quick head shots and the nearest Eclipse mercenary stumbled backward from the impact even though his shields. That was all the opportunity Shepard needed, she fired three more times, the first two visibly damaging the armor plating of his helmet and the third punching though it. The mercenary, a male human, fell limply upon the rough concrete presumably dead and if not definitely taken out of the fight.

There were far, far fewer Eclipse than Shepard had expected given the amount of time the mercenaries had to organize a welcoming party for them, only three of them...movement at the far end of the stretch of asphalt paving that extended from the maintenance bay they were in into the remainder of the garage space caught her eye. Correction, there were three mercenaries and an YMIR mech left. Shepard shifted her aim to the mercenary Kasumi was firing upon. The Kassa Locust had a decent rate of fire and was fairly accurate; she suspected the guy’s shields were down by now. Before she could fire, the mercenary’s body jerked several time as the SMG’s ammunition penetrated his armor and then he was down.

“Sweet,” Kasumi commented giving her new weapon an appreciative look.

A smile tugged briefly at Shepard’s lips, unfortunately there wasn’t really time right now to tease the thief. “The group at the far end of the garage has an YMIR mech with them, I can see it from here,” she informed Kasumi.

The Japanese woman stood, leaned over and then, accompanied by the distinctive sound of a mass accelerator cannon activating, dropped back into a crouch behind the crates all in less than a second. In the next moment a barrage of fire from the mech's cannon slammed into the crates and whizzed over their heads.

“Move,” Shepard ordered tersely, as she dived to her right and behind the solid bulk of the M-080 IFV. The storage crates they had been crouched behind were not nearly solid enough to stand up to the amount of firepower the YMIR could bring to bear on them. Kasumi disappeared as the thief activated her tactical cloak, where she moved to then Shepard had no idea.

“That’s going to be tough to bring down,” the Japanese woman observed though her aural implant.

Memory teased, flirting along the edges of her consciousness. Amanda closed her eyes better to chase it down - a mech, similar looking but not the same as this one, there was the building of dark energy along her body, intense mental concentration and then the release of biotic energy in a rush of power. Amanda’s light grey eyes opened wide for a brief moment in surprise and then narrowed once again as more of Yáviel’s memories flooded her mind, feeling more than a little bit of awe as she realized exactly what she had just found. The Hand of Justice had fought mechs similar to this one before and had developed a rather interesting way of dealing with them. Amanda hadn‘t ever thought about using her bioitcs in exactly that manner even though it made sense now that she had a good idea of how to do it.

Shepard looked around, her gaze searching the immediate area; she needed a suitable projectile to pull this off. There…her eyes snapped right to a bench along the wall and the two meter long M-080 IFV driveshaft that rested upon it. “Kasumi can you bring the mech’s shields down?” she asked the thief, her gaze never straying from the long cylindrical object. It was perfect for her purposes, long and sturdy and with enough mass to give it a decent amount of force when accelerated.

“Easily,” the thief replied, “I'm actually close enough to do it from where I am now, but it will recharge them in less than five seconds.”

“That will be long enough,” Shepard replied, leaning out and taking a quick glance up the side of the vehicle. The YMIR was now approximately twelve or so meters away; they needed to take care of it now. “Wait for my mark and then do it.”

Her attention returned to the driveshaft and her eyes narrowed as she concentrated upon it. Her entire body tingled as dark energy gathered around her in a thick bluish-white field. She reached out toward the metallic cylinder with one hand, and the biotic energy flowed from her to wrap around its form. The drive shaft levitated off the bench and floated toward her, then stopped about a meter from her and then began to rotate. The mass effect field around it intensified, almost hiding the shape of the cylinder completely as it rotated faster and faster until it was an indistinct blur inside the bluish-white energy field.

“Now,” Shepard ordered curtly, struggling to maintain her mental focus upon the drive shaft. What she was trying to do was very similar to her biotic charge, only it would not be her, but the drive shaft that was accelerated within the mass effect corridor. With no need for a cushion or control to protect her body from being crushed, she could channel all of the dark energy into accelerating the makeshift missile to its target.

With her command, Shepard edged forward and peered carefully up the side of the M-080 toward the YMIR mech, now only nine meters from the front end of the M-080 she was sheltering behind. She couldn’t maintain both a barrier and this particular type of mass effect corridor without stressing her amplifier and she didn’t want to get her head shot off by the thing. She apparently wasn’t careful enough, barely a second passed before the YMIR’s head turned her way, its sensors targeting her. The mech began raising its second arm, the one equipped with a missile launcher, toward her. What was Kasumi doing?

Mid-motion the robot paused and shuddered. “Done,” the Japanese woman announced in her ear, “its shields are down.”

That was what Shepard had been waiting for, her eyes narrowed and in the next instant she released the driveshaft from her mass effect corridor. Trailing a plume of bluish-white dark energy, the makeshift missile shot toward the YMIR mech faster than the eye could follow. The rapidly spinning driveshaft penetrated the mech’s chest armor, drove though the machinery inside its body and out the other side. The force of the driveshaft striking it rocked the massive robot almost knocking it completely over. It straightened with an audible grinding of gears and a second later the housing around the mech’s missile launcher attached to its raised arm spread open in preparation for it to fire. Shepard watched, dumbfounded that the YMIR was still moving with an M-080 IFV driveshaft literally sticking through its chest, and then the mech exploded, sending shrapnel everywhere.

The two Eclipse mercenaries who had been following along behind the YMIR where thrown back and down upon the asphalt by the explosion. Shepard leaned out and began firing at the one she had the best line of sight to, the mercenary on the right before he could rise to his feet.

Return weapons fire pinged off the side of the vehicle and impacted her shields. Shepard glanced in the direction it came from, there was a third Eclipse mercenary behind the other two further back and firing over a short stack of storage crates. She must have missed seeing him before or he had only just arrived.

Kasumi uncloaked directly behind the mercenary, her omni-tool activated for a brief moment causing the mercenary to jerk and stop firing. The thief followed her initial attack up with a strike to the back of the man’s neck, Shepard couldn’t tell what the Japanese woman was holding in her striking hand, but she had a suspicion it was a high powered tazer when the mercenary dropped like a rock. They could be set to deliver an electrical charge that was anywhere from incapacitating to lethal, and Alliance Special Forces infiltrators used them to silently take out armored personnel. Shepard knew basically how they worked and how to use them, but she didn’t have a lot of personal experience with them since that hadn’t been her specialty.

The thief then used the same crates for cover and began firing upon the two remaining Eclipse. Caught in a crossfire between her in the garage and Kasumi at the far end of the room, the mercenaries didn’t last very long at all.

“This way,” the thief called out to her as Shepard came up the side of the M-080 IFV, “through the garage door at this end.”

She picked up her pace, jogging first past the scattered pieces of the YMIR mech and noticing that the chest section with the drive shaft still embedded through it was still relatively intact though sans head, and then past the bodies of the last two mercenaries.

“They’re out of the vault. Seal them in!” Shepard came to an abrupt halt as she heard the sound of Hock’s voice coming from the helmet of nearest body. At the other end of the garage she heard the brief sound of hydraulics activating and guessed that Hock's Eclipse guards had just closed the garage door at the far end they had planned on going through.

Kasumi cursed, “Damn it, we’ll have to find another way,” confirming her suspicions.

Shepard looked over to her left, up a flight of stairs was a landing leading into a room. There was a door there and from the green glow of the control panel it wasn’t locked. “Here,” she pointed toward the stairs and then started that way herself. She hadn't wanted to fight her way out of Hock's mansion, but she didn’t see any other choice at this point.

The door led to an equipment storage area, with stacked containers and two full racks of LOKI mechs in their folded storage position lined the far wall. A wide archway to their left and at the far end of the room was their way out, past that point it seemed as if the Eclipse guard force had finally mobilized to stop them. They stepped into a large storage bay and promptly had to dive for cover.

A full squad was waiting for them, four mercenaries with assault rifles, a heavy weapons specialist with a missile launcher, and a tech expert who kept trying to take out their shields. A singularity, followed up with a warp to detonate it and then a shockwave disrupted the mercenaries attack, wounding and disorienting them. While they were still reeling from the successive attacks, she and Kasumi took out the woman with the missile launcher and then the two remaining men with assault rifles. The tech specialist and other two Eclipse had died sometime during Shepard's biotic attacks.

After the last mercenary fell, Shepard remained crouched down behind the crates she had taken shelter behind during the fight. She held out her hands and looked at them, she could still hold them steady and fight, but she could tell she was suffering from energy depletion from her almost constant use of her biotics. "I need a moment," she informed Kasumi. While her eezo nodules were certainly still willing, her body was screaming at her that if she planned on continuing to throw around her biotics like this then it needed some more fuel to support them.

She pulled a clear container out of one of the pouches on her belt which contained four three centimeter wide oblong yellow spheres. She didn't know how Mordin had laid his hands these, but from what he had told her they had been recently developed by an asari company for use by the Asari Republics Defense Forces. Each capsule was completely edible and contained a heavily concentrated nutritional gel which provided 1500 kcal of energy over the course of an hour. Given that the differences between an asari’s digestive tract and a human’s were negligible, these should work as well for her as for an asari. Shepard fished out one of the capsules and bit into it, she promptly frowned at the strange fruity taste of the gel inside. Still it tasted better than an Alliance energy drink; those were someone's demented idea of a lime flavored drink and were horribly sweet. This at least wasn't super sweet, though it took a few sips from her canteen to get the thick gel down her throat. She could tell it was working as the tell tale symptoms of biotic energy depletion quickly faded. "Alright, can you scout ahead?" she asked the thief as she rose to her feet. "I'd prefer not to just run into another group like that one."

"Sure," the Japanese woman breezily assured her as she cloaked. "Was that some type of energy pill? I've heard biotics have to watch out for that."

"Yes it was, something Mordin picked up for me while we were at the Citadel," and after their mission to find out what had happened to Maelon. He had probably seen her grimacing in distaste as she sucked down one of the energy drinks she usually used, Shepard realized. She would definitely have to thank him when she got back to the ship for thinking of her.

"Two LOKI mechs and two Eclipse, one of which is an asari, are coming up on the other side if the transport truck," Kasumi whispered on their communications channel.

The transport truck was right in front of her and what the other Eclipse had been standing upon when they attacked them. As for the asari, she might be a problem or she might not, a lot of the Eclipse asari didn't seem to be especially skilled biotics. "Can you get in a position to take out the asari without her sensing you?" Shepard asked the thief.

"I can once her attention is focused on you," Kasumi responded, her tone light.

Shepard chuckled, "Ok, one diversion coming up." Using one hand as a brace, she vaulted over the row of shipping containers in front of her and then crossed over to the transport truck. Without breaking stride she leapt, placing one foot on the top of the wheel well of the truck and the next further up on the edge of the cargo bed. Solid metal railings had been installed on both sides of the flat cargo bed by the Eclipse to make their firing position. She vaulted over it and then crouched behind the far railing, using it as cover to fire upon the mercenaries and their mechs.

Kasumi was as good as her word, only a few seconds after they had spotted and begun shooting back at her the asari was down.

In a quick move, while she knew where the thief was located, Shepard thrust her hand forward at the remaining mercenary and two LOKI mechs, dark energy quickly gathering and then releasing in a narrow arc in front of her. The single mass effect wave pushed the trio forcefully off their feet and several feet down the incline they had been advancing up just moments ago. The two LOKI mechs now sprawled upon the concrete floor sparked and jerked and then with a crackling sound went still. The remaining Eclipse mercenary, a male wearing a helmet, was struggling to his feet when Kasumi uncloaked behind him, causing Shepard to mutter a curse as she had been about to fire on him and would have hit the thief. In a repeat of what she had done before, the Japanese woman shorted out his shields and used her tazer on him.

Shepard walked over to the body only to realize the mercenary was still breathing. "He's alive," she commented on the obvious.

"Yes," Kasumi responded warily.

"Out for awhile?" Shepard questioned, she could tell the thief wasn't sure if she was about to kill the man.

"A few hours," the Japanese woman confirmed.

"Good," Shepard responded, while she didn't like Eclipse's criminal activities, she was hardly about to execute the unconscious man just because he was a member of the mercenary company. Or at least she wasn't now that she wasn't thinking like Yàviel; Shepard corrected herself with a brief grimace.

She turned away from the unconscious mercenary to examine their surroundings, smiling a little at the thief's relieved sounding sigh. To her left were cargo containers and a loading platform with a parked M-080 in front of it; on the right side of the area was a small room with no doors. The incline she was now standing upon led to another lowered and locked garage door. Shepard frowned, there seemed to be no way out and yet the Eclipse mercenaries had arrived from somewhere...her gaze refocused on the now locked garage door, unfortunately she had a good idea of where. Smart Eclipse, still there had to be another way, she refused to let them be trapped here.

Her gaze went once again to the parked M-080 IVF to her left, it had been modified to transport cargo, but it still had its armaments. By happenstance, its mass accelerator canon was pointed directly at three pressurized tanks against the far wall; depending on how thick the cement wall was behind them it was possible that she could make her own door.

The three cylinders exploded with an impressive red-orange, orange and yellow fireball, a great deal of noise, and enough force to shake the vehicle underneath her feet as well as blast a sizable hole on the wall behind them. Shepard jumped down off the back of the M-080 to the ground, bending her knees to take the impact of the six foot drop.

“What the hell are you people doing down there?” it was Donovan Hock’s voice once again, this time she and Kasumi were able to hear it though the helmet of the last Eclipse mercenary the thief had rendered unconscious.

Shepard smirked in amusement; apparently the explosion had affected a lot more than just this area. It sounded like the entire mansion must have shaken from the explosion for Hock to react that way. She and Kasumi stepped though the jagged-edged hole made in the almost meter thick wall from the explosion, and jumped down the two foot drop to the asphalt surface on the other side. They appeared to be in another storage/garage type area; this entire sub-floor underneath the mansion seemed to be riddled with passageway after passageway, all paved and wide enough to move around armored vehicles and transport trucks. There were small fires here and there, and the bodies of several Eclipse mercenaries who had been standing in this area and were caught by the explosion.

Weapons fire zipped around her and was blocked by her shields, she turned and in the process of finding cover searched out their attackers. As she knelt down behind a crate Shepard grimaced, she had counted three mercenaries and behind them another YMIR mech. She rose just until she could fire over the crate, targeted the closest mercenary and then fired at him until her shields beeped at her in warning. She ducked back down and took a moment to look around the area while she considered how to take out the YMIR mech.

Even though she could use one of the chunks of concrete as an effective blunt projectile, she knew the most she would do was take out its shields and maybe damage its armor. It would be a lot of effort and energy expended for very little gain since she couldn’t launch a second one before its shields recharged. Unlike the area they had been in earlier, she could see no clear way for Kasumi to safely get close to the mech without exposing herself to enemy weapons fire. Of all times to not be able to bring a heavy weapon with her, Shepard thought ruefully, but there had only been so much room to hide both her armor and both she and Kasumi’s weapons in the base of the statue.

“Kill Allison Gunn and bring the other girl to me,” Hock’s voice though the helmet of the nearest dead mercenary, which was only a meter away from her, was barely discernible over the noise of all the weapons fire.

It seemed as if her cover was still good, Shepard mused, Hock must have assumed that Kasumi had hired Gunn to assist with this heist. The Spectre rose again and started shooting only to find herself the sole target of the mercenaries. She managed to bring one down before she had to duck behind the crate again to let her shields recharge. Hock’s order meant that the Eclipse were mostly ignoring Kasumi and focusing on her now…how lovely.

In the meantime, the large mech was getting ever closer. Shepard had an idea about how to take it out. If she had misjudged her abilities…then things could get very dicey indeed, but if she was right, and she was quick enough compared to the mech, then it would be a relatively safer way of taking out the YMIR than what they were doing now. She took a quick peek over the top of the crate; yes there were still only two mercenaries and the assault mech firing at them…or rather at her. She ducked down again.

Shepard sighed, this was going to make her headache come back she knew it. Before she did anything though she needed to switch out weapons, as much as she loved the Mattock Heavy Assault Rifle it was a trifle long for what she intended and although she didn’t like using new weapons the Kassa M-12 Locust Kasumi had given her was perfectly suited for what she planned. She folded the assault rifle and put it on her back and then pulled out the shorter SMG, now she was ready.

She focused, first on creating a biotic barrier around her body and then on gathering the dark energy necessary for her to charge across the intervening distance between her and the mercenaries. Bluish-white dark energy shimmered around her as she stood and took a few steps back, trusting her barrier and shields to keep her safe from the barrage of fire from the Eclipse and mech. Then she focused, the biotic energy around her rushing forward, creating a mass effect corridor around and in front of her. “Charging,” she announced to Kasumi and then she hurled herself forward across the ten meters of distance that separated her from the mercenary that was her target. Everything blurred except for him and then she was there knocking him down and back while she rushed forward. Shepard knew she only had seconds to act before the heavy assault droid reacted to her abruptly altered position.

At point blank range, she fired a quick burst from the Locust directly into the eye sensor of the mercenary’s helmet, its weakest point. Once she saw blood she didn’t bother to look at what she had done more closely, the jerking of his body and then the stillness told enough of a tale for her drell-like memory to hold. Now for the other, she turned her head; the YMIR was only two meters away from her and was swinging its mass accelerator cannon her way. The last Eclipse mercenary was kneeling behind a crate a few feet away and had pivoted to fire his rifle at her, wearing away her barrier. She focused, reached out, pulled with her biotics. The mercenary yelped in surprise as he was abruptly pulled from his crouch and though the air toward her.

The heavy mech fired, only now the Eclipse was between them. Shepard didn’t wait to see the results of being fired upon by a mass accelerator canon from about a meter away. Eclipse heavy armor was decent, but not that decent. Releasing her biotic hold on the now undoubtedly dead mercenary she darted forward, moving as swiftly as she could force her body to move alongside the YMIR’s upright right arm. One step, two, three, she pivoted, now behind the mech, and then leapt toward it. There was a narrow piece of armor along the pelvic area of the mech that protected the gears there, it was about an inch thick and had an inch gap between it and the body of the mech. Higher up, between the mech’s shoulder blades was a thick square bar of metal. Two inches wasn’t much, but it was enough to put her boot on and balance, and the bar was certainly sturdy enough to hold onto.

Now balancing on the mech’s pelvic armor with the toe of one foot and holding onto the bar with her left hand, she aimed the Locust one handed at the back of the heavy mech’s head and pulled the trigger. Her weapon was too close for the mech's shields to stop the bullets, and while the front of the mech’s faceplate was heavily armored the back was less so. The Locust was made for close in firing, and its projectiles equally designed to penetrate barriers, shields and armor. The YMIR mech, which had been still for a brief moment as its inner processor sorted through its sub-routines and decided how to react to her being on its back, began moving once again.

Shepard was prepared for this, she knew a little bit about how mechs were programmed. The heavy mech began to swivel from side to side and rotate its arms as far back as possible, trying to knock her off. Unfortunately for the YMIR they simply weren’t designed to move swiftly so it wasn’t difficult to brace herself and hang on. What she had to actually be wary of was when…at that moment the mech shuddered, the Locust’s rounds had penetrated the armor and were shredding through the electronics inside.

The mech began to slowly slump forward; this was what she had to be wary of, mechs quite frequently exploded when you disabled them. Shepard thrust with her legs, forcefully pushing herself off the mech’s back and through the air, twisting as she did so that instead of facing the ceiling she was now facing the floor. She bent at her waist, rotating her body around in a simple single somersault so that she could land on her feet. Other than to bend her knees a little she didn’t try to absorb her forward momentum when she landed, using it instead to rush forward. This wasn’t a gymnastics competition and there was nothing but shrapnel in the back to be had from sticking a landing. No sooner had she dove for cover behind one of the crates than the YMIR mech exploded behind her.

A few seconds after the last pieces of the mech had fallen to the ground Kasumi uncloaked a few feet away from her. “Damn Shepard, I’ve never seen anyone do that with their biotics,” the thief sounded impressed. The Japanese woman turned to glance behind her at the remnants of the YMIR mech for a moment before facing Shepard again, “Or take on a heavy mech quite like that before actually.”

“It was somewhat risky,” Shepard admitted as she switched out the Locust SMG for her Mattock Heavy Rifle, “but I was fairly sure I could to do it.” She looked up the passageway; she didn’t want to give the Eclipse mercenaries too much time to get ready for them. “Let’s keep moving.” They continued down the passageway, the widely spaced out lights near the top of the wall brightly illuminating the area directly below them and leaving darker areas in-between them. They passed by a glassed in office area to their right which Shepard walked by with only a curious glance as there was only a door leading into it and not one out.

Then the passageway opened up into another storage area which was full of crates and the machinery for moving them around. Kasumi had mentioned that Hock was a weapons dealer and smuggler. Shepard had assumed that he ran his business out of a warehouse, but it seemed he had a warehouse’s worth of space underneath his residence. After seeing the amount of shipping crates that were being stored down here, Shepard was beginning to wonder if Hock was using this underground area to store and move goods that he would rather not come to the attention of the authorities.

The sound of wheels rolling upon pavement and the quieter sound of an engine caught her attention. In the next moment, a transport truck sped out of a passageway on the left side of the storage area and then came to a rapid halt about fifteen meters in front of them. Just as with the other transport truck, thick metal railings had been placed on both sides of flatbed to provide protection for the attacking Eclipse squad.

As she sprinted for cover behind one of the stacks of crates, Shepard had to give the Eclipse guards credit for the idea, they had come up with a way of quickly and easily providing mobile firing positions for their people with the materials and equipment available to them. Very tactically sound thinking on someone's part, Shepard thought to herself approvingly as she leaned out, sighted on an Eclipse mercenary's helmet and squeezed the rifle's trigger firing off four shots in rapid succession and then two more as the woman staggered backward from the force of the shots. Her final shots took the female mercenary down, and she withdrew back behind the crates to let her shields recharge.

Unexpectedly, Hock's voice boomed loudly in the enclosed area, “Don’t fight me Kasumi. You know what happened to your boy toy when he fought back.” Even the Eclipse mercenaries stopped firing as the sudden noise startled everyone.

"You don’t talk about Keiji like that!" the Japanese woman yelled back. "Murderer." The thief's voice seemed to remind the Eclipse squad of what they were supposed to be doing, because immediately afterward the mercenaries began firing upon them again.

“Don’t let him provoke you into doing something rash Kasumi,” Shepard warned, wary that the thief might let herself be provoked, “that’s what he wants.”

She saw the Japanese woman glance over at her from where the woman had taken cover behind another stack of crates to her left. “I know, and I won’t,” Kasumi replied before rising up to fire off a few bursts from her Locust.

In a swift motion, Shepard glanced around the crates to spot the Japanese woman’s target and then leaned out and rapidly fired several rounds from her Mattock at the same mercenary. His shields must have been close to being depleted, because her second round impacted against his armor. In the next moment the mercenary went limp as a round penetrated his helmet and then slumped out of sight behind the barrier. Shepard wasn’t sure if it were her or Kasumi’s shot which had taken him down; they had fired almost at the same time. Now there were only four Eclipse mercenaries still firing at them, one of which was a deep purple hued asari, Shepard noted.

Having two of their number killed in almost as many minutes had made the mercenaries more cautious, Shepard realized after moment. They were ducking down behind the barrier after just snapping off a few shots and not giving her or Kasumi a chance to fully deplete their shields. Shepard knew they couldn’t afford to get slowed down by this group or it would give the Eclipse force a chance to regroup, she needed to get the mercenaries out from behind that barrier.

Amanda’s mind focused, creating and gathering dark energy around her form. She held up her hand creating the very beginnings of a singularity, and then stepped out from behind the crates and thrust her hand forward sending the swirling sphere of dark energy in a graceful arch toward the Eclipse mercenaries kneeling behind the barrier on the transport truck’s flatbed. What she hadn’t expected to see was the asari begin to glow with a familiar bluish-white energy, stand, and then quickly send a biotic warp in an intercept course toward her approaching singularity. “Get down,” the asari yelled at her squad mates just before the two mass effect fields met and detonated.

At first surprised, Shepard stared for a second or two at the metal barrier and then the beginnings of a smirk tugged at the corner of her lips. This was the first time one of the Eclipse biotics had been skilled enough to counter her. Rather than be annoyed, she found herself actually feeling rather entertained by it even though it certainly meant that taking down this particular group was going to take longer than she wished. Shepard stepped swiftly back behind the stack of crates as the mercenaries rose from behind the barrier and promptly concentrated their fire at her. Her eyes narrowed, they could be focusing on her because she was a biotic or to…dark energy wrapped protectively around her body in a biotic barrier as she quickly peered around the edge of the crate.

With her retreat behind cover, the three human Eclipse mercenaries had shifted their aim to fire at Kasumi. Confirming her suspicions, the single Eclipse asari was wreathed in whitish-blue dark energy which was visibly denser around her left arm and hand. A warp field…Shepard thought she recognized the biotic attack, or it might be a singularity as well. Whether it was a warp or a singularity either was easily detonated by another warp and the warp field did not even have to be fully formed to do what it needed to do.

"Whoa, a biotic duel," Kasumi commented, "you read about them, but I never expected to see one in person." She paused for a second and then added, "Or at least not quite this close and in person."

Shepard didn't reply to the thief, her full concentration on what she needed to do next. There was nothing quite like the pressure of needing to perform a new, at least for her, biotic technique perfectly and with precise timing. With Yáviel's memories, Amanda had a much better idea of how to alter already existing mass effect fields, most commonly a biotic barrier, to another type of mass effect field. It was an advanced biotic technique she remembered from Thalion's, and now Yáviel's memories, and had seen Samara executing during fights as well, but hadn't felt as if she fully understood until now.

Her mind and body acting as one in her battle focus, Shepard shifted a portion of the dark energy forming her biotic barrier, concentrating it around her hand and altering its current mass effect fields into alternating warp mass effect fields. She waited a second more until the purple complexioned asari began swinging her arm forward and then stepped out of cover and swiftly thrust her left hand forward, launching her counter-attack. Speed was her intent here not the coherence or strength of her warp field, she merely wanted the asari’s warp to detonate as close to the Eclipse forces as possible. The asari mercenary did not shout out a warning this time, she must not have realized what Shepard had done, but then the relatively small warp field Amanda had created was just a barely noticeable shimmer in the air.

Trusting in her counter-attack to succeed, Shepard held out her hand and focused, simultaneously increasing the density and strength of the mass effect fields around her and siphoning off a sizable portion of that energy to shape into another singularity. The two warp fields met and detonated less than two meters away from the Eclipse position, sending the mercenaries reeling backward. No sooner had it done so, than Shepard thrust her arm forward again and sent the swirling sphere of dark energy that had formed above her hand in an arc aimed so the gravimetric well would form just above the metal barrier the mercenaries were taking cover behind.

This time there was no countering warp to detonate the singularity, but then there was no asari either Shepard noticed as only three shouting forms in Eclipse armor were drawn upward into the air. As shouts turned to pain filled screams, she and Kasumi took aim and began firing. As when she had used a singularity against the guards in the office above, the three mercenaries’ shields were already depleted, thus it took only three quick rounds from her Mattock to silence her target.

Movement...Color... Shepard whipped her head around to look to her left; the Eclipse asari had worked her way around behind the crates to flank them. There was an intense and very familiar looking bluish white flare of biotic energy as the asari mercenary thrust her hand toward their position. Amanda didn't think she reacted even as the asari was completing her attack, the human Spectre's hand coming up and the mass effect fields around her rippling and flowing down her outstretched arm as she gathered and released the energy in an irregular series of waves to counter the other biotics attack. Ideally they would cancel each other out or at least break up the coherency of the asari's mass effect field. Then Shepard expanded the protective barrier around her body to reflect whatever residual mass effect energy remained.

Only a slight amount did, forcing her back a little as the asari’s biotic attack impacted against her barrier, a testament to the effectiveness of her counter attack. Amanda took a moment to enjoy the shocked expression on the purple colored asari mercenary's face before she made a summoning gesture with her hand exactly as she did while practicing with Thalion's lessons. Instead of a ball however, it was the asari that Shepard drew forcefully toward her. Shock turned into wide-eyed alarm as the asari sailed across the rapidly diminishing space between them struggling impotently against the biotics holding her. Shepard was ready for her, holding up her arm in a strong shielding position. Instead of crashing into one another, the asari met with a single, well-timed pulse of the shielding barrier Shepard had formed about a foot from her upraised arm and then rebounded almost two meters before dropping to the ground.

The asari landed on her knees, wavered for a second her eyes open but vacant, and then slumped to the floor unconscious or dead. Shepard glanced over toward the transport truck and the singularity she had made in time to see it dissipate and drop the three Eclipse it had been holding in the air. None of them moved, and Shepard wasn't sure if Kasumi had dealt with them while she had taken on the asari or if the singularity had been enough on its own.

The Japanese woman stepped over to the prone form of the asari and waved her omni-tool over the alien. "She's alive. She's unconscious and has a few fractured ribs mind you, but alive," the thief announced as she straightened. "What was that you did? The blue light pulse thing, I've never seen anything like that."

Shepard took a moment to close her eyes and just breathe steadily in and out, trying to ease the tight band of pain across her forehead. Now that the rush of battle was over, in addition to feeling rather fatigued from the rather extensive use of her biotics during the past few minutes, the headache she had suspected she would give herself was making itself known. "It was a pulsed biotic wave to counter the biotic wave the asari used against us," she responded after a few moments.

"It was different from what you two were doing before?" Kasumi inquired curiously.

"Yes," Shepard responded, opening her eyes as the pain receded slightly. "Those were warp mass effect fields and singularities, both take time to form the mass effect fields correctly so another biotic has time to counter them if they're quick. A wave takes much less time to shape and use; she wasn't expecting me to be able to react to it." Amanda knew she wouldn't have been able to if it weren't for her prothean memories allowing her body to instinctively react with the proper counter.

"She did look very surprised," the Japanese woman noted with a bit of an amused note to her voice, before asking another question. "So a wave is like what you used on the mechs and that one Eclipse merc that sent them sailing?"

Shepard nodded, "That is what used on them." She didn't really want to get into an in depth discussion of her biotics with the thief, especially not right now, therefore a useful distraction was in order. She looked at the storage crates around them, "You said Hock was into smuggling and illegal weapons dealing. I'd like to know what's in these shipping crates he's keeping down here."

"That's easy enough to find out," Kasumi responded, walking over to the nearest crate and activating her omni-tool. The thief slowly moved her arm over the exterior while looking intently at the haptic display, “Interesting, the crate is shielded. We’ll have to open it to see what’s inside.” It took the Japanese woman a minute or so to hack open the lock on the crate. They slid off the top of the crate revealing a row of deadly looking assault rifles, each one individually cradled in protective foam. “Diamond Back Assault Rifles made by Hahne-Kedar Shadow Works, the Alliance militaries answer to the turian’s Armax Arsenal for their Special Forces units,” Kasumi sounded impressed as she recognized them.

“And not authorized for sale except to the Alliance military,” Shepard added. This had been exactly what she was looking for, thought Shepard as she brought up her own omni-tool and scanned the weapons, additional evidence of Hock’s illegal activities to turn into the Bekenstein authorities. That done, Amanda took stock of her own state, her headache had eased once again and she was no longer feeling fatigued. The asari made energy gel was working and working well, she’d have to ask Mordin exactly how much of the stuff he’d managed to acquire. “How much further?” she turned and inquired of Kasumi, she didn’t have a map, but it seemed to her like they should be near the east end of the mansion by now.

“Not far,” the thief said confirming her suspicions. Then the Japanese woman paused and corrected herself, “Well not far if this subfloor doesn’t extend past the boundaries of the building above.”

Shepard grimaced, “Let’s hope it doesn’t.” The passageway the Eclipse had driven the transport truck though was now sealed but up a short set of stairs there was another door on that same wall which was unlocked. Beyond it was another large room with several conveyor belts for moving cargo which appeared to be the main shipping and receiving area judging from the look of it.

There didn't appear to be any Eclipse waiting for them, something which made Shepard's light grey eyes to narrow suspiciously. Hock's guards had to know she and Kasumi would be headed through this area, she paused for a second in the doorway, taking another more detailed look around the large room. There...her gaze zeroed in on a betraying shadowy outline of a crouching silhouette. She drew Kasumi’s attention to the shadow with a jerk of her chin as she whispered in her helmet, "I'll shockwave and then be careful with my biotics as you cloak and take out targets of opportunity."

"Sounds like fun," Kasumi commented just as quietly as she activated her tactical cloak and disappeared from sight except for a slight shimmer in the air.

Shepard waved the thief back as she both focused and cleared her mind, knowing that it wouldn't be long before the Eclipse mercenaries figured out that their trap had been spotted. Realizing that she needed a much broader shockwave than normal, she decided to try a slightly different technique she had come across in Thalion’s memories. Bluish-white and dark purple motes of dark energy began swirling around Amanda's armored form as the Spectre concentrated on building up the mass effect field around her as quickly as possible.

One second...two seconds...she saw the distinctive yellow of an Eclipse helmet peek around one of the crates. That was her signal, Amanda let the Dragahîr’s memories take over and as the mercenaries rose almost as one to fire at them, she thrust her arms forward in one smooth, simultaneous motion, focusing on channeling the powerful mass effect energy equally through both and as a result creating a much broader than normal shockwave. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom...the pounding of the biotic wave as it traveled down the length of the room echoed loudly in the enclosed space as it knocked back both mercenaries and shipping crates, disrupting the Eclipse attack and leaving the mercenaries in complete disarray as they struggled to their feet in its wake.

Shepard didn't give them the time, as soon as she released the shockwave she formed a mass effect corridor and charged toward the nearest Eclipse mercenary, an asari. The blue complexioned female had been knocked around and down onto her stomach by the biotic wave and was in the process of standing when Shepard charged into her, sending her head first into the wall in front of her. The asari groaned once and then slumped to floor, never even seeing what had hit her from behind. From that point onward, the battle disintegrated into the Eclipse trying unsuccessfully to pin down the human Spectre and thief down as Shepard exchanged weapons fire and the occasional devastating biotically thrown crate and Kasumi randomly appeared behind various mercenaries and knocked them out with her tazer. Approximately five minutes later, there were no more Eclipse mercs left standing.

“This place looks like a small tornado went through it,” Kasumi observed as she uncloaked in front of Shepard looking around the room at all the upended crates, some of which had burst open spilling their contents across the floor, and dead or unconscious mercenaries. She pointed toward a door at the far end of the shipping and receiving area. “That’s the way out.”

Finally…Shepard looked at the view in front of her. They had stepped out into a loading dock area; beyond it she could see the lake and the city on the other side of it. The sun was almost setting and as she glanced that way a flock of birds flew over the lake and out of view. She glanced up; there was a wide overhang above her extending almost the entire length of the dock. She wasn’t certain what it was as to her right across an expanse of trees she could see Hock’s mansion and the balcony she had stood upon an hour before.

She frowned, above the sound of the insects there was another noise, manmade and familiar. Recognizing it, she informed Kasumi as she glanced around for sturdy cover, “Incoming gunship.” Just in time, the Mantis gunship had no sooner risen above the level of the docks than it began firing at them with its twin M350 machine guns. Even from the brief glance Shepard had of it she immediately noticed one rather important difference between this gunship and the one she, Tali and Garrus had faced on Illium. This one had a shield generator installed on it that was powerful enough that you could actually see the shimmer of the barrier around it, which meant that it would be a much harder target to take down.

“You could have done this the easy way Goto. Allow me to show you the hard way.”

Behind her crate, Shepard raised her eyebrow at Hock’s announcement though the speakers on the gunship. What exactly did that mean? Just then the crate shuddered and rocked as two missiles slammed against it and exploded, causing Shepard to duck even further down even as she braced against the storage crate to keep it from moving. Fortunately the storage crate seemed to actually be as sturdily built as it appeared and held together through the barrage.

Kasumi filled in the final piece of information, “Eclipse, coming up the far stairs on the left.”

The gunship was still firing at them with both machine guns, maintaining a veritable barrage of high-powered rounds that kept them pinned down. This then was apparently the hard way; Hock using the gunship's superior firepower to keep them from counter attacking, allowing his Eclipse guards to surround them and then either kill or force them to surrender. Well...kill her and force Kasumi to surrender, Shepard corrected herself. Hock didn’t seem to have any interest in letting Alison Gunn live.

As she had earlier, Shepard focused her mind on what she desired and concentrated. Dark energy began accumulating rapidly around her body, building up a supply of raw mass effect energy for her to use. Drawing off a portion of it, she formed a protective barrier around herself, and then rose to her feet. She ignored the stream of tracer rounds coming from the gunship’s machine guns toward her, trusting in both her biotic barrier and the shields of her armor to hold for a few seconds, and thrust out her arm, releasing the accumulated dark energy in a biotic shockwave. The nearest Eclipse mercenary, either a human female or asari, was only four meters away from her when the sinusoidal mass effect wave hit her, lifting her into the air and knocking her back several feet. The shockwave did the same to every other mercenary and LOKI mech who had come up onto the dock as well as shifted quite a few of the crates and containers around.

Shepard lifted her Mattock and fired off several shots at the mercenaries as they struggled to their feet. She intended to wait until she began to feel drained from maintaining the protective mass effect fields around her body to duck back into cover, but twin flares from the gunships nacelles as it fired missiles made her instantly rethink that plan. While she was confident in her barrier, she didn't really want to test her biotic abilities out against two missiles unless there was absolutely no other alternative. She dropped behind the sturdy storage crate in front of her. Fortunately by then, the mercenaries who had attempted to rush them were either dead or had retreated.

Shepard glanced briefly over the top of the crate at the gunship which was hovering at the end of the dock and still firing on their position with its machine guns. They seemed to be at a bit of an impasse; Hock seemed to be wary of bringing the gunship in close enough to take them out due to the wide overhang above them, and it was blocking their way off his estate. Without a heavy weapon the gunship was a rather intimidating target to take down, so they needed to improvise…

“I don’t suppose you can take out that thing’s shields?” she asked Kasumi.

The Japanese woman didn’t reply for a few seconds, and then she spoke up, “I can overload its shield generators and take them out until they’re repaired, but I’d need a clear path to it and I’d need to very close to it.”

Shepard turned her head to look over at where the thief was crouched behind another crate, “How close is very close?”

“Within a meter of the cockpit,” Kasumi confided after a moment.

Shepard grimaced, that would not an easy task to accomplish. "Alright, we'll keep an eye out for an exploitable opportunity. How much time will you need to prepare once we get it?"

"I'll load what I need into the buffer of my omni-tool now," the Japanese woman's arm glowed with a soft orange light as her omni-tools haptic interface sprang into being. Her hand moved rapidly over the controls for few seconds before she announced, "Done, so none."

"Good," Shepard commented and then snapped her head forward as she caught a hint of movement out of the corner of her eye, more Eclipse coming up the stairs. Actually, many more Eclipse, and the gunship, which had been hovering near the end of the dock, was advancing with them. Now she realized why Hock and his guards hadn’t attempted to advance since their last attack failed, they had been waiting for enough forces to arrive to overwhelm them.

"Lay down your weapons and surrender, you can't win," once again Hock spoke though the speakers on the gunship.

Shepard raised her eyebrows at his pronouncement; she had no intention of either putting down her weapons or of losing. What she needed was to break up the Eclipse attack, force them into disorganization and chaos, and hopefully create an opportunity to do something about that gunship. Shepard glanced behind her, dark energy beginning to gather around her body. Four shipping crates were stacked up against the wall of the building; whether they were empty or full she didn't know, it didn't really matter for her purposes. She extended both arms, her hands open and upraised. Biotic energy flowed from her to the crates, lifting all four of them into the air. There they hovered, enveloped in a haze of dark energy and rotating in slow spins as Shepard rose from behind the crate she had been kneeling behind and snapped her arms forward, sending the crates flying down the length of the loading dock toward the mercenaries coming up the stairs.

She ducked back down as her armor shrilled a warning that her shields were dangerously depleted. Hock’s gunship had zeroed in on her almost as soon as she stood with both machine guns, sending a rapid stream of rounds her way which then impacted against her armor's kinetic barriers. Her Kestrel Armor had one of the more robust kinetic barrier generation systems available in a hard suit, but even it couldn't stand up for long against that type of firepower.

Shepard began rapidly building up dark energy once again; the crates had only been the first part of her planned actions. In order to be effective, she needed to follow her first attack with a second almost immediately. She held out her hand and focused her thoughts. A bluish-white dark energy sphere began coalescing above her outstretched palm and then began to swirl around a central point as she formed the foundation of a powerful gravimetric well. She took a moment to peek over the crate she was kneeling behind, pleased to see that the crates had all landed where she had wanted, near and upon the stairs the Eclipse had been coming up. As she had hoped, her attack had completely disrupted their planned rush. Once again she rose from her crouch with a smooth motion. She snapped her arm forward as if she was fast pitching a ball and sent the singularity toward the mercenaries, its planned destination near the top of the stairs.

Just after Shepard had thrown the crates and attracted the gunships attention, Kasumi had taken the opportunity to fire upon the Eclipse with her new SMG and had taken out two of the closest mercenaries. That had caused Hock to switch targets once again, which mean that the gunship was currently focused on the thief's position giving Shepard the opportunity to fire four quick shots at the salarian Eclipse mercenary who had just shown himself. Her shots sent the salarian reeling back and then down as the Mattock’s rounds penetrated first his shields and then his armor.

In the meantime the singularity had reached its intended destination, either there had been no biotics among the Eclipse close enough to counter it or they had not been experienced or quick enough to do so. Now it hovered approximately six feet in the air. Both mercenaries and crates had been caught up by its gravimetric field and now orbited it in a confused chaos of colliding bodies and objects. The sound of metal slamming against metal and the sound of the pain filled screams from the mercenaries echoed across the metal surface of the dock and reflected back from the building behind them. Her jaw set against her own memories, Shepard was grimly aware that this was not a kind death for them. It had achieved her objective however, to cut off access from the stairway up onto this level and to break up the Eclipse attack and give her and Kasumi a chance to survive it.

Her biotic attack was enough to draw Hock's attention and make her the next target of the gunship’s machine guns and two more missiles. In the moment before Shepard ducked back down to escape both the withering stream of rounds and the explosions, her attention was drawn by movement on the left side of the loading dock area. A squad of Eclipse mercenaries was just coming into view from that direction. Given that the area was littered with stacks of crates and containers, it was quite possible there was another staircase that simply wasn’t visible from her current location. Shepard’s eyes narrowed; there were several large pipes which came up from below the dock, rose between four and seven meters into the air, and then ran across and down to another location on that side of the dock. They might provide a way for Kasumi to get near enough to the gunship to do what she needed to do to get rid of its shields.

Shepard didn’t have to look to know that the mercenaries were closing in on their position, hoping to catch them by surprise. Once again dark energy formed around her body in a deep blue and white haze as she reached over her back and put up her rifle. She wouldn’t need it immediately on the other side. “Charging, follow me cloaked,” she announced tersely as she rose and turned in the direction of the Eclipse, the biotic energy flowing forward and forming into a swirling cylinder in front of her. Out of the corner of her eye, past the bluish-white corona of dark energy surrounding her, she saw bright flashes from the nacelles of the Mantis gunship. Hock had just fired two missiles at her.

Discipline, her own as well as both Thalion's and Yáviel's, kept Shepard's mind calm and focused on the most distant mercenary, allowing her body to be carried along by the mass effect corridor she had formed just before the missiles reached her location. In the next instant she slammed into the armored man, her arm raised in a shielding motion as she knocked him several feet backward and into a storage container. Her charge had carried her all the way over on the left hand side of the dock area, about six meters from the edge and almost underneath the pipes she had noticed earlier. "Kasumi?" she queried sharply, she could swear she had felt heat and pressure just before the mass effect corridor had pulled her away.

"I'm here," the Japanese woman responded instantly, "that was close for you though. I actually thought they had hit you for a moment. That's a pretty handy biotic skill to know how to do."

As Kasumi was speaking to her, Shepard pivoted smoothly upon the balls of her feet to face the direction from which she had just come, knowing that the mercenary she had charged into would be dazed for several seconds by the impact. She had intentionally focused on the furthest mercenary wanting to end up behind the main force of the squad. There were four Eclipse mercenaries in front of her just turning around and aiming their weapons at her. She reached forward with both hands, dark energy instantaneously forming around her arms and then extending toward the two closest. Then without bothering to worry about exactly where they would be going, she snapped her arms back toward her, jerking the two mercenaries, a human male and a salarian, off their feet and sending them sailing though the air to either side of her.

The last two Eclipse mercenaries opened fire on her. She was about to do the same to them when Kasumi uncloaked behind one of them, quickly took down their shields and then knocked them out before re-cloaking. Just in time too as the gunship swung around to face them, Hock apparently having finally figured out where they had gone. It took only a fraction of a second's thought for Shepard to form a protective mass effect field around herself as the gunship began firing at her once again, giving her the extra time she knew she needed under its merciless barrage of fire. Then, siphoning off a small portion of dark energy from it, she reached out with her right hand, forming a lightening mass effect field around the remaining mercenary and lifting the female into the air. She took a step back and pivoted, turning toward the left edge of the dock.

There was no sign of the two mercenaries she had thrown through the air; they must have gone over the side. The man she had charged into was lying on the dock unmoving, the impact evidently either having killed him or rendered him unconscious. She swept her right arm forward, sending the female mercenary over the side of the dock after the other two in a flailing of limbs before sprinting for cover. A moment later, as she dove behind a nearby storage crate, she heard the sound of splash over the gunships fire and glanced briefly in that direction. The noise had come from where she had thrown the Eclipse mercenary, which indicated that side of the dock had water underneath or near it. Provided their armor was watertight that was fortunate for them because they could walk out; if it were not then it was unfortunate, because they certainly weren’t swimming out in that heavy armor.

Shepard returned her attention to the gunship in front of her. She needed to figure out how to get it to where she wanted it while simultaneously watching out for the Eclipse. Simple enough right… She looked around and then up, she was almost right underneath the large pipes she had noticed earlier, the ones that rose almost seven meters into the air.

“What did you tell your friend Kasumi? You were doing this for love?”

Hock spoke though the Mantis’s speakers once again and Shepard’s light grey eyes shifted their focus to the gunship which was moving steadily closer. They were not as close to the wall of the mansion here and he seemed to feel a bit more comfortable with the idea of sliding the gunship in underneath the wide overhang above them. If the Mantis got much closer, the crate she was currently behind wouldn't provide much cover for her unless she literally lay down on the floor. No doubt that was his plan; it would be hers in his place. Also, if she were them, Shepard rose from her crouch and snuck a quick glance over the crate. Yes, the Eclipse mercenaries were up on the dock and advancing on her position.

She ducked back down behind the crate as several tracer rounds from the gunship streaked toward her, “Kasumi are you close?”

“About three meters to your right, Shepard,” the thief replied.

“Good,” a plan was forming in her mind as she listened to the deep thrumming sound of Hock’s gunship get louder and closer. It was daring, but with any luck it would work. “Can you get up on these pipes in a hurry?”

“Easily,” came the confident reply from the Japanese woman.

Shepard focused her mind, letting the dark energy produced by her eezo nodules begin build up around her body. What she had planned would take a lot out of her, but they needed to take out Hock’s gunship. “Lay down some suppressive fire on the Eclipse until the gunship focuses on you, and then stand by. I’ll let you know when to move.”

She let the energy build up until she ceased to feel the relentless hammering of rounds against the crate she was kneeling behind. “Got his attention,” Kasumi confirmed what she had guessed. Shepard rose, her body shrouded in swirling deep indigo blue and white energy. The human Spectre thrust out one hand and first sent a biotic shockwave toward the Eclipse advancing upon their location, the force of the mass effect wave hurling the mercenaries into the air and backward to land several feet away from their former locations. Then she focused her attention upon the gunship hovering above and in front of her. As she had thought from the sound of the vehicle, Hock had brought the Mantis in quite close to their position. If her plan succeeded, that was going to work against him.

Both gunships and aircars were based off a small eezo core to negate their mass and allow them to become airborne while thrusters of some type propelled the vehicle forward and allowed the operator to steer. Automatic systems within the eezo core allowed for some variance of weight. However those were all geared towards an increase in the amount of mass that needed lifting, not a decrease, and definitely not a significant decrease.

Her face was set in a mask of concentration, Shepard stretched out her arm as dark energy gathered around her open hand, wreathing it in a corona of intense bluish-white. Then, with a thrusting motion, she released the biotic energy and sent it toward the gunship. The bluish-white sphere soared up toward the Mantis and then appeared to wrap around the vehicle. In an instant, the mass effect lightening field significantly reduced the gunship’s weight, exceeding its navigation systems ability to compensate.

The Mantis shot up into air, slamming forcefully against the thick concrete overhang above them. The resulting booming noise of the impact which echoed through the entire docking area left Shepard’s ears ringing from the loudness of it. Then, as Hock overcompensated in his steering, the gunship plummeted back toward the dock and the pipes. The Spectre’s light grey eyes widened as she saw the armored vehicle plunging downward and realized how close it would crash to her if its descend continued. Fortunately Hock managed to get the back under control just before it slammed into the pipes, halting it just meters above them.

This was their moment of opportunity, Shepard realized, “Kasumi now!” She sprinted forward until she was directly underneath the gunship, focused, reached up, and with her biotics pulled it toward her, setting both her body and her mind into the task of holding it in place long enough for the thief to act. From where she was, she couldn’t see how the Japanese woman managed to get up the pipes so quickly, but in a few seconds the thief was perched on the pipes next to the Mantis, her omni-tool glowing around her hand and forearm. Shepard ignored the first sporadic bursts of weapons fire from the mercenaries, her attention focused on the gunship above her as Hock began to try and steer the gunship away from the pipes, increasing the sense of pressure and drain on her body as she fought to hold the armored vehicle in place.

The barrier around the ship flickered and then bluish arcs of electrical energy began crackling around the exterior of the gunship as its electrical systems were overloaded. Shepard felt the sudden decrease in resistance to her biotics and then she had an entirely different issue to deal with as the Mantis began to pitch and yaw wildly, threatening to both knock Kasumi off the pipes and crash into them. “Uhh,” Shepard grimaced in effort and growing fatigue as she strained to maintain her biotic hold on the gunship. Then realization struck, she no longer needed to hold the armored vehicle in place.

In fact, she could even let the gunship do what it was trying to do…and even give it a bit of help. Going with, instead of against, the Mantis’ erratic movements, Shepard took advantage of one pitch to the right to pull the gunship away from the pipes. As the armored vehicle started yawing in the other direction she changed the focal point of her biotics to the tail end of the gunship, causing it to rotate around that point to face the other direction. That was a movement she went with as, using her entire body, she accelerated that motion by actively pulling the tail around toward her and at the same time pushing the gunship with all the remaining biotic force she could muster toward the right side of the docking area. Shepard wavered for a second or two after she was done; feeling the results of overextending her biotics in the sweeping fatigue that momentarily sapped the strength from her body.

On the other side of the docking area, the Eclipse mercenaries scattered as the Mantis came careening wildly toward them. The gunship was only feet from the metal surface of the dock as it cleared the first few crates, its nacelles just brushing along the top of them. As it continued along however, the fact that she had thrown it over and down became apparent as it drifted steadily closer to the surface of the dock. The last few feet before the Mantis hit the metal railing that bordered the edge of the dock the gunship was close enough to the surface of the dock that its nacelles were showing hot sparks into the air as they scraped across the metal surface of the deck and it was shoving several crates along the deck plating in front of it as it slid sideways. A moment later the gunship took the railing, the crates, and a few unfortunate mercenaries with it over the edge of the dock that hadn’t been quick enough to either drop flat to the deck or get out of the way.

The entire sequence of events from Kasumi overloading the gunship’s electronics to Shepard throwing it with her biotics and the Mantis disappearing over the edge of the dock had taken only a few seconds. Now she stared a bit wide-eyed at where Hock’s gunship had just broken though the railing around the dock and disappeared out of sight, not having expected her action to lead to quite such a dramatic result. Her moment of surprise was cut short however as the remaining Eclipse mercenaries recovered enough to begin firing at them once again, and when there was no subsequent explosion, or sound of an impact or even a splash after the gunship disappeared, Shepard wasn’t surprised to see the gunship rise once more from beneath the level of the dock.

She instantly noticed that there was no shimmer of a kinetic barrier around it. Hock might have regained control of the gunship in time to prevent it from crashing, but as Kasumi had promised his shield generator had been knocked out. Shepard quickly crouched behind the crate she had taken cover behind before, escaping both the mercenaries fire and the renewed attack from the gunship. It was unfortunate that the Mantis hadn’t been destroyed, but it should be possible to take it out now that they didn’t have to penetrate both the vehicles kinetic barrier and armor.

“Even if you escape, I’ll scour the galaxy for you.” Hock’s voice threatened from the gunship’s speakers.

Shepards’s eyes narrowed at his proclamation. That was not going to happen, she had more important things to do than play hide and seek with this gun smuggler. She rose for a moment and glanced over the crate, the Eclipse mercenaries were taking advantage of the gunships reappearance to move their positions forward. Her gaze tracked one mercenary in particular, a female form in Eclipse armor holding a missile launcher. Exactly the weapon she needed right now…

She ducked back down and took stock of her physical condition, she still felt a bit fatigued from the over use of her biotics, but not nearly as bad as she had right afterward. She really would have to thank Mordin for getting his hands on those asari energy gel capsules; they were making a substantial difference in her ability draw heavily and fairly continuously upon her biotics.

"That's one more down," Kasumi commented through the headset in her helmet.

Zeroing in on the distinctive sound of quick disciplined bursts from the Locust SMG the Japanese woman had taken from Hock's vault, Shepard glanced to her left. Kasumi was standing behind one of the taller shipping containers and leaning out to fire around its side. Shepard didn’t have to look to know that the gunship was still firing on her location; the rapid pounding against the far side of the crate she was crouched behind was proof enough. As the human Spectre watched, the Japanese woman fired another few bursts from her weapon, her aim steady on one target.

“And another,” the thief commented as she ducked back behind the crate for a moment and switched out her old thermal clip for a new one, “They’re getting closer though.”

Not very surprising, thought Shepard, it was pretty much the only way the Eclipse guards were going to capture Kasumi. It hadn’t escaped her notice that neither Hock nor the heavy weapons specialist she had seen had fired a missile at the Japanese woman, which meant they still wanted her alive… Shepard grimaced as another possibility entered her mind, or Hock wanted her body at least relatively intact so he could extract her greybox.

They needed to end this before Hock’s mercenaries managed to finally surround them. “Alright, time to take care of that gunship,” she said to Kasumi. “Is that heavy weapons specialist still further back and on the far right of everyone else?”

Kasumi leaned out and started firing at the Eclipse once again. “Yes, why?” she responded after a moment.

“I need her missile launcher,” Shepard responded as dark energy began to rapidly gather around her. She was still feeling a little fatigued, but not so much that she couldn’t do what she needed to do next.

“You need…” the thief repeated, sounding startled, and then, “Oh, you’re going to take out Hock’s gunship.”

“Yes,” Shepard confirmed as she raised herself up enough to peek over the crate to where she thought the Eclipse heavy should be located. Hmm, not behind that crate, but…yes, there the mercenary was next to the taller grey storage crate further to the right. She ducked back down before the gunship’s weapons stripped away any more of her shields than they already had in the few seconds she had been exposed to them. A smirk curved Shepard’s lips upward, for some reason Hock seemed even more determined than he had before to take her down.

Her expression becoming serious once again, Amanda cleared her mind and focused her thoughts. She needed to do this quickly, because she had no doubt she would be under both the gunship’s and mercenaries’ concentrated fire as soon as she rose from her current protected position her body surrounded by a nimbus of dark purple and white biotic energy. A few seconds later, the beginning of a mass effect corridor already partially shaped in front of her, the human Spectre rose from behind the crate. In the next instant, the corridor lengthened, forming completely and then the forces of it carried her body from one side of the dock to the other.

She slammed into the female Eclipse mercenary, sending the woman flying backward to crash into the wall of the mansion behind her. Shepard was less interested in the mercenary however than she was in the weapon the woman had been carrying. As the missile launcher went flying though the air, she snapped her hand out toward it and used a biotic pull to bring it back toward her. As soon as she held it in her hands she glanced down at the weapon, both verifying that it was loaded and that she was familiar with the firing mechanism.

She whirled around to face the Mantis gunship. The heavily armored air vehicle was slewing around in her direction even as she raised the launcher to her shoulder and fired, aiming the helpful targeting laser on the weapon at the narrow rectangular air intake on the right side of the gunship. One…two…three…missiles away, the first one impacting exactly where she had aimed even as the third missile left the launcher. The heavy weapon had been fully loaded, something Shepard was thankful for even as she dropped into a crouch and let go of the now empty launcher. She glanced behind her; the female mercenary was on her hands and knees looking none to steady as she tried to rise to her feet.

Behind her she could hear the explosions as the final two missiles reached their target. As the steady sound of the gunship’s engines changed from a steady hum to an uneven laboring, Shepard turned to look at it. The damage she had done to the intake was very noticeable, dark smoke rising in a thick cloud from the intake as the gunship swung back and forth in the air erratically. Suddenly the sound of the engine turned into a labored screech and then the Mantis exploded in a fireball sending pieces of the gunship and shredded bits of metal flying everywhere. Shepard dropped down behind the crate, dark energy flaring protectively around her body as the pieces of the armored vehicle rained down around her.

As the last pieces fell, she stood and stepped back a few paces to take shelter behind one of the taller storage crates, the biotic barrier still shimmering around her body. She watched impassively as the mercenary she had taken the missile launcher from finally managed to get back up on her feet.

“Nice Shepard,” Kasumi complemented her, “and it looks like the Eclipse are leaving,”

Well that was good news; maybe they could get on the shuttle and leave without having to fight the rest of Hock’s guard force. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” she warned with narrowed eyes as the woman turned around, saw her there and reached toward the pistol at her thigh. The mercenary froze, “In fact, I would just leave with the rest of your friends while I’m in the mood to let you go.”

The Eclipse mercenary quickly raised her hands to shoulder height, “Yea, alright I’ll do that,” she said while starting to edge away.

Shepard jerked her head toward the side in a silent command for the woman to move faster and then watched as the mercenary picked up the pace and then disappeared. “Let me know when they clear the dock area and I’ll call in the shuttle for a pick-up.”

Five minutes later they stepped onto the Kodiac, their departure unopposed by the Eclipse who had seemed to disappear with their employer’s death. The first thing Shepard did as soon as she was onboard was to use the communications console in the cramped crew compartment to send official reports about finding not only the stolen artwork but also illegal weapons to both the Bekenstien government and its Alliance representative. Hopefully the fact that both government agencies knew as well as the fact that she was a Spectre would ensure that action was taken to confiscate both the stolen art and the illegal weapons.

Once that was done, Shepard turned and looked at Kasumi expectantly. It was time for them to look at the item they had infiltrated Hock’s estate to find in the first place, Keiji’s greybox. She watched as the Japanese woman pulled it out of one of the pouches on her utility belt. Their eyes met for a moment and then the thief gave her a grave nod as she turned to the data interface on the wall. Shepard’s fingers flew over the console in front of her, pulling up a series of display screens. She would examine the classified Alliance data contained in the greybox while Kasumi interfaced with the device and used her memories to decrypt it.

Then her eyes widened in shock as the first decrypted image was displayed upon the screen. It was one that was very familiar to her…a Reaper.

After that Shepard tried not to pay too much attention to either Keiji’s message to Kasumi or to the rest of the more personal images flickering across the display screens in front of her, focusing instead on the question foremost in her mind. What information did the Alliance have on the Reapers that they were keeping from the Council? And was the information Keiji had found actually from the Alliance or had he potentially stumbled onto a Cerberus cell?

She needed more information; she needed to know exactly what information he had found, as well as where he had found it and when. She hated to do this, to put Kasumi into such a dangerous position, but she needed the Japanese woman to completely decrypt the information her lover had found. She needed to know if the Alliance actually had data that the Reapers existed and were keeping it from the Council, or not and if not if it were Cerberus who was holding onto enough information to persuade the Council that the threat from the Reapers was very real.

Kasumi deactivated her neural implant causing the images on the display screen in front of Shepard to disappear. She looked over at the other woman, her face set in stern lines. “I hate to ask this of you and I’ll understand if you want to follow Keiji’s advice and destroy his greybox to protect yourself, but I believe the information he found is directly related to our mission. I’d like for you to fully decrypt whatever is contained in his greybox and give it to me.”

The Japanese woman just stared at her, her expression one of complete surprise for a moment before she recovered enough to ask, “What about the threat to the Alliance from it if the Council finds out?”

Shepard’s lips thinned, “I’ll try and keep it from the Council for just that reason. We will need a united defense to survive the future, but if it comes down to it the threat to the entire galaxy is bigger than the Alliance alone.” She snorted, remembering Mordin’s information bomb in the middle of her recent meeting with the Council, “Besides it isn’t like we would be the only faction keeping critical information from the other’s, it’s not a given that we would get into as much trouble with the Council as Keiji thought.”

“Shepard what threat are you talking about?” Kasumi asked her, sounding both worried and confused. “Are the Collectors that dangerous?”

The human Spectre sighed; she wasn’t really looking forward to the forthcoming conversation. She wouldn’t have the advantage of melding to persuade the Japanese woman of the fact that the Reapers were only too real.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By Kudara
> 
> Disclaimer: The Mass Effect universe is the property of Bioware/Electronic Arts. No infringement of these copyrights is intended as this is a not for profit fan fiction work.
> 
> Warning: none
> 
> Notes: This is an Alternate Universe story, and is inspired by the Beyonce song “Save the Hero,” from the album I am…Sasha Fierce. The portrayal of Cerberus in my story is heavily influenced by the contents of the second and third Mass Effect books, Ascension and Retribution. The Prothean language I’m using is a mixture of Quenyanna and Sindarin, languages originally created by Tolkien.
> 
> Rating: Teen
> 
> Feedback: Always welcome, feedback is what encourages me to keep writing. Please let me know what you like and what you dislike about the story. Thank you to my beta readers on the Kudara.fiction yahoo group for their suggestions and feedback which lead to this being a much better chapter than it would have been otherwise.
> 
> Errors and Corrections: Yes, please let me know about any errors you see so that I can correct them. This is un-beta’ed so it probably has a few.
> 
> Revision History: 09/11/2011

**Normandy – Third Deck, enroute to the nearest Mass Relay in the Serpent Nebula from Bekenstein**

Feeling like she should check her ass to see if any of it remained, Shepard stepped out of the Medical Bay, leaving behind her a very worried Dr. Chakwas. The neural tissues surrounding her amplifier implant were inflamed, likely due to the excessive use of her biotics during the mission and the resulting stressing and maxing out of her amplifier. The older woman wasn’t yet certain what exactly had caused the inflammation, but had given her strict orders to not use her biotics until it had subsided to avoid the risk of doing permanent damage to herself.

Shepard was quite aware of the implications of what had happened, while the exact cause of the inflammation wasn’t yet known, that fact that it had happened at all indicated that there were some serious risks associated with continuing to use her biotics as she had been while still using her current amplifier. The possibility of developing permanent neural scarring if she continued stressing her amplifier after the neural tissues were inflamed being foremost in her mind. Either she needed to limit herself to using her biotics in a safe way, or she needed to stop procrastinating and figure out how to create the Prothean amplifier in Haerion Vandhen’s memories. Her choice had already been made before they had reached the Citadel a few days ago, she just needed to call together Miranda and Tali, share what she knew with them, and then work with them to recreate the amplifier and its secondary amplification nodes.

Before she did that however, Shepard wanted to talk with Samara about what had happened in Hock’s Vault. She paused for a moment outside the Starboard Observation Lounge where the Justicar resided and then palmed the door open. Stepping inside she greeted the asari who was meditating in her usual spot, “Samara.”

Her body lit by the faintest bluish shimmer, the Justicar’s head tilted very slightly as Samara acknowledged her greeting, “Amanda.”

Hearing the asari call her by her first name was enough to lighten Shepard's mood and bring a brief smile to her lips as she proceeded into the room. She passed by the Justicar, who had not stopped meditating, and then stopped in front of the thick armored glass that separated the lounge from the airlessness of space and stared out at the star strung expanse.

Behind her, she heard the slight sound of Samara's biotics cease. “You have found another memory,” the Justicar stated, and Shepard couldn’t be sure whether she had heard a slight hint of concern in the asari’s tone or if it were her own thoughts putting it there.

Drawing in a deep breath as her suspicions were confirmed, Shepard commented, “I suspected this one would show in my aura, and yes I did...in the middle of the mission as a matter of fact. Hock had a Prothean tablet in his art collection, upon it was inscribed a few words from the story of how the Universe and the Edhel were created by the deities Barathon and Breina. I stopped to read it and that triggered another set of memories: Senior Hand of Justice Yáviel Aldaelwa of the Edhel Empire’s Office of Justice.” She paused for a moment, and then added, “Kasumi was very lucky today that Yáviel didn't identify her as either a threat or responsible for what had happened to her.”

Samara rose and came over to join her in staring out the observation window, “For how long was her memory dominant over yours?”

Shepard frowned, her mind going back over the short battle between her and the Eclipse squad as she tried to estimate how long it had taken, “Ten minutes perhaps? An Eclipse squad attacked shortly after her memories became active in my mind and pulled me…her from her memories of the past into what was going on in the vault. She is,” the dark haired human shook her head in aggravation, sometimes these memories played havoc with her sense of time, “was very skilled in the use of her biotics.”

“She fought against them mostly using biotics?” the Justicar inquired, turning her head to look at the human next to her curiously.

“Except for killing one by breaking his neck, yes,” Shepard responded with a brief glance toward the asari. “The memory that first arose was of her and her team doing a stakeout of a criminal who was about to be arrested as soon as the Ministry of Justice issued a warrant in civilian clothing and without any weapons on them. Just as with Lindariel in my cabin, Yáviel believed that she had been kidnapped somehow and transported to another place. She never noticed that her body wasn’t prothean or that she was wearing armor now and had weapons on her, so she fought with the only weapon she thought she had…her biotics and her hand to hand combat skills.”

Samara expression turned thoughtful; after a few seconds she commented, "I find it curious that while these memories are dominant they do not notice the rather significant physical differences between prothean and human anatomy and realize they are no longer themselves."

Shepard inclined her head in agreement, it was curious that didn't happen, "They literally don't seem to be able to see the physical differences. Yáviel for instance didn't notice that she was wearing armor instead of civilian clothing much less anything else. I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that these are just memories that my mind is in the process of connecting to while I'm remembering them and not..." her voice trailed off for a moment while she considered how to phrase her thoughts, "Not the actual person with all the associated and appropriate neural physiology to comprehend that particular type of thing." Shepard frowned, "Even though that doesn't explain how their...personality I guess for lack of a better word, stays aware and in control when events jar my mind out of their memory into becoming aware of the current surroundings." She looked over at the asari with a shrug of her shoulders, "Something to ask Dr. Chakwas I guess."

"Indeed,” Samara agreed easily, “as neither of us is well versed in neurophysiology…though I suspect your answer contains a kernel of the truth.”

“True,” Amanda replied, and then added ruefully, “Though I am getting better versed in it over time.” Beside her the justicar smiled at her comment, and she smiled as well before returning her attention to the view in front of her.

Finally, after a long, though comfortable, silence between them, Amanda mentioned what she had come here to discuss in the first place. “Yáviel reminds me a lot of you,” She turned her head to look at the asari standing beside her, “Or at least I think she does, in her outlook I mean and the way she thinks about fulfilling her duties. She was very dedicated to the Empire and its laws.”

Samara turned her head to look over at her, the asari’s expression subtly questioning.

Amanda had expected she would have to share a bit more than that, “The last Eclipse mercenary Yáviel fought, a human woman, tried to run away. Yáviel pulled her back using her biotics and then executed her because it was a capital offense to attack a Hand of Justice in the Empire,” she explained briefly. She paused for a moment, her gaze going back to the vastness of space as she remembered, “Neither anger nor mercy were in her thoughts at that moment, only her duty to fulfill the laws of the Empire.”

Beside her the Justicar made a slight sound of understanding, “So it is when I must past judgment by the Code. There is only the Code.”

Samara’s words brought up another memory of something the asari had said that Shepard had thought sounded a bit harsh at the time. “I might seem a hero to many, but I would kill all of them if I had to,” Amanda said it as a statement of fact, her voice neither harsh with denouncement nor sad with regret, but steadily even just as the asari’s had been when Samara first said it. Now that she had Yáviel’s memories, she knew exactly what the Justicar had meant by it. Amanda looked over at the asari beside her, her light grey eyes meeting Samara’s light blue ones with a steady understanding gaze.

The asari’s eyes widened slightly and then Samara did something she had never done before; she reached up and briefly touched the side of Amanda’s face before letting her hand fall back to her side. “You need to meditate Amanda,” the asari stated, a certain sternness underlying her tone. “I do not wish for you lose the unique essence of who you are to these memories. I am dedicated to a Code whose purpose is to protect the innocent and punish the wicked, not offer enlightenment or guidance. You are dedicated to the ideal of justice and to your faith in the Goddess, both of which require that there be mercy toward those who are repentant of their actions and the promise of redemption and true forgiveness of wrongdoings.”

Samara continued, “Though I have no doubt the Protheans were a noble people, from what I have seen of them I do not believe they shared your belief that we are equally the children of the Goddess. Would you turn your back on your beliefs and ways to embrace theirs? Would you turn your back on Her?” the asari challenged the human standing beside her.

“Never!” Amanda’s sharp, even harsh sounding, rejection was uttered before there was even coherent thought to guide it, coming more from the heart than the mind.

Instead of taking offense at her tone, Samara smiled inscrutability, and the human noticed that the asari didn’t look very surprised at her response. “If you were an asari you would make a fine priestess of either Athame or Sira,” the justicar commented, her smile deepening. “That is not something I ever thought I would say of a Council Spectre.”

Amanda could only stare at Samara as her mind registered that she had been deftly manipulated by the justicar into realizing precisely what the asari wanted her to…again.

 

**Citadel – the Asari Embassy, Councilor Tevos’ Office, the day following Shepard’s mission on Bekenstein**

As the last image flickered and then disappeared from the display screen in front of the asari Councilor, Elana Tevos settled back into her chair, a deep frown etching itself into her normally serene expression. As a part of the intelligence data they compiled to maintain an estimate of the current Krogan population, the CDEM forces monitoring Tuchanka attempted to keep track of every Rite of Passage that took place upon the planet. The long range surveillance video that the asari had just viewed had not been particularly clear or detailed, but it was the best the CDEM could do due to the fact that the krogan regularly searched for surveillance devices and destroyed them once they found them. Normally such footage would not be of any particular interest to the Council, which was why it had been overlooked for a few days before one of the intelligence agents reviewed it and realized that the CDEM had been entirely correct in forwarding it to Citadel Intelligence.

This particular surveillance footage was anything but normal however, the Rite of Passage recorded in it was for a young krogan who had been accompanied by two humans. One of the two humans was Spectre Shepard; the other biotic human was presumably Jack, the prisoner Shepard had freed from Purgatory. The goal of the krogan Rite of Passage was simply for a team of young krogan to prove they could survive in Tuchanka’s harsh wilderness. Shepard’s team had not only survived, but had killed everything that had attacked them.

Elana had never seen the human Spectre in battle before; if she had not known the identity of the fully armored female already, she would have assumed she was watching an asari commando and not a human. Shepard had impressive strength, speed, grace…and biotic ability. Tevos was fairly certain that none of the other Councilors, save perhaps for Valern, had the knowledge or experience of biotics to accurately gauge Shepard’s skill level. Though the asari Councilor had no doubt they would be able to tell that the human Spectre was a strong biotic from the footage of Shepard’s combat, she doubted they would see as clearly as she the indications of raw ability and already impressive expertise.

The human Spectre had used her biotic abilities to push objects, lift objects, and throw objects. She had created biotic shockwaves, created warp fields, created singularities, decreased her own mass, created a biotic barrier, countered a biotic attack…and successfully stopped a charging krogan warlord in his tracks. That had been a startling thing to watch. The human simply stood in place, unmoving and apparently unaffected by the seven foot tall krogan charging at her. Then Shepard’s biotics had flared around her and she had met the krogan as if she had been holding an invisible shield, sending him flying through the air. The asari Councilor had watched Shepard’s biotic counter to the charging krogan several times and she still had only general idea of how the human had managed such an impressive feat.

If it hadn’t been for the fact that the Council had been briefed by Dr. T’Rani just yesterday on the results of Spectre Shepard’s medical scans, the footage from Tuchanka would have made Councilor Tevos question whether or not the individual they thought was Amanda Shepard was actually Amanda Shepard despite the fact that C-Sec’s DNA scanners had confirmed the human’s identity. The Alliance Marine Commander the Council had made a Spectre had biotic abilities true, but they had been nowhere near the level of those the human female in the surveillance footage was displaying.

The record from Tuchanka clearly showed that not only did Shepard currently have a wide range of biotic skills, but also that the human Spectre could perform them in a combat environment and needed very little preparatory time to execute them. Even now, knowing what she did about the experimentation Cerberus had done to increase the size and density of the human’s eezo nodules, Tevos was astonished that Shepard was showing such a depth of ability and level of control over her biotics after such a short period of time. It was enough to make her question whether or not the human was lying to the Council about when she had woken, except for one fact, whether two months or two years Tevos would find this level of biotic proficiency almost as equally unlikely. It took asari commandoes a decade or more of dedicated training to hone their abilities to the level that she had just watched the human Spectre display.

Thus the question of how the human Spectre was gaining such a proficiency in using her biotics so quickly remained an issue in the asari Councilor’s mind. There was of course the possibility that the human was simply gifted in her ability to learn the skills needed to control her biotics and that combined with her prior biotic training with the Alliance explained her rapid advancement.

Or perhaps it was both natural giftedness and prior training combined with who was currently training Shepard in the use of her biotics, Justicar Samara. Justicars were among the most adept of asari biotic users, rivaling the most skilled matriarchs. Tevos would expect Justicar Samara to have an unusual depth of knowledge to teach Shepard. That of course brought up the intriguing question of why the Justicar was training the human Spectre. The Order wasn’t known for mentoring or training those who were not intending on becoming Justicars themselves, though there was nothing in the Code of the Justicars that forbid it. It was just so highly unusual that Elana had never heard of one offering to train anyone who didn’t intend to join the Justicar Order before now irrespective of whether they were human or asari.

Councilor Tevos shook her head, little about Spectre Shepard was proving to be the way the Council had thought it was when the human had come to them asking for their assistance over three months ago. Dr. T’Rani’s rather detailed presentation of the extensive changes in the human Spectre’s physiology and neural functions had come as an unexpected and unwelcome surprise on top of the recent revelation of Ambassador Udina’s actions two years ago. The asari Councilor had expected Dr. T’Rani to inform them of some reconstructive work on the rest of the human’s body given what they had seen of Chief William’s scan of her face, but nothing as extensive as what the medical scans had revealed.

Shepard’s supposed death as Councilor Metellus frequently referred to it, had turned into an unequivocal statement by the human Spectre that she had died. Burned by both the explosion of the Normandy as it was attacked and the process of reentry, broken from impacting into Alchera’s surface, and then frozen solid by the sub-zero temperatures of the planet’s icy weather - Elana had been rather concerned for Anderson when the asari doctor had repeated Shepard’s own description of the state of her body when Cerberus acquired it. He had mentored the younger marine throughout much of her career, and it was obvious to her, the other Councilors, and Dr. T’Rani that this information had come as a distinctly unpleasant shock to him. They had actually paused the meeting long enough for the asari doctor to ensure that Anderson's alarming change of skin hue was simply from the shock of the news and not that there was something medically wrong with him.

Shepard’s statement that she had died was backed up not only by her memories of her death and by the fact that she had found her own helmet upon the planet’s frozen surface when she went to the crash site of the Normandy SR1 to place a memorial, but also by her medical scans. The sheer amount of bone, muscle and organs that Cerberus had replaced with biosynthetics as well as the extensive cybernetic and biosynthetic upgrades had been rather compelling evidence that what Shepard was telling them was very likely true.

The other possibility, that Cerberus had replaced so much of the human’s body simply to make her believe that she had died, was unlikely simply due to the projected costs of such reconstructive surgery. Dr. T'Rani's estimate of the cost of Shepard’s reconstructive surgery considering the fact that all of it was cutting-edge or highly experimental was in the billions of credits. When the number four billion was mentioned, the research doctor hadn't immediately discounted the figure provided it included the cost of developing some of the technology that had been used in Shepard's reconstruction.

As Councilor Valern had put it while dismissing the possibility that Councilor Metellus had raised, “One does not go through this amount of effort or spend billions of credits in reconstructive surgery simply to convince an individual that they were a corpse. There is no reason, given the technology that Shepard's medical scan indicates Cerberus has developed, to believe that they could not reconstruct Shepard's body to the point that it could sustain life and then resuscitate her. Without knowledge of a persuasive reason why Cerberus would need Shepard to believe that she had died when she had not, it is sensible to accept her statement that she died as the truth and proceed from there."

The salarian Councilor’s argument had certainly been more persuasive to Tevos than what appeared to be Metellus’ reactionary disbelief of anything Shepard told them. Without any reason why the terrorist organization would spend billions of credits simply to persuade Shepard that she had died, Valern was correct, it was more reasonable to accept that the human was telling them the truth.

Cerberus had achieved the previously impossible, bringing someone back from the dead; the only question was why had they spent so much time, effort and money on bringing back Shepard? Whatever the terrorist organization's reasoning, Tevos had no doubt that the Illusive Man was certain that he would gain more from it than his organization had spent. Shepard was a several billion credit investment for them, but what kind of payoff was Cerberus expecting from the human Spectre?

Indoctrination technology? That had certainly been an unexpected and unsettling revelation during the Council’s first meeting with Shepard, not in the least of which was the fact that the salarian Councilor had not bothered to inform the rest of the Council that the STG had recovered the Matriarch and her follower’s bodies nor about the results of their testing upon them. Or perhaps Cerberus was interested in obtaining the technology to genetically engineer obedient combat troops? Either technology would be worth much more than a few billion credits to whoever possessed it and the thought of Cerberus getting access to one or both chilled the asari Councilor. She had already accepted that the terrorist organization had most likely compromised their intelligence network, and this latest revelation about Shepard being brought back to life by them made it clearer the amount of resources, monetary and otherwise, that Cerberus controlled. Shepard had warned them that Cerberus was more influential and had more resources than the Council and Alliance had previously suspected, now Councilor Tevos was inclined to believe the human Spectre had been telling them the truth.

This only made Shepard’s current investigation into Cerberus’s motives in going after the Collectors even more critical in Councilor Tevos’ mind. Critical enough that despite her growing concerns about the Spectre’s emotional and mental state the asari was still not supporting Councilor Metellus’ continuing efforts to have the human Spectre’s status revoked.

Shepard's emotional state had been of enough concern to the asari Councilor that she had tasked Spectre Vasir with gathering more information about Shepard’s actions and behavior on Illium, and that had been before Dr. T’Rani’s report on the results of Shepard’s medical scan when she had thought the human Spectre was dealing with knowledge of having been in a coma for almost two years. Now that the asari knew that the human had been actually been dealing with the knowledge that she had died, her body rebuilt, and then brought back to life nearly two years later, Tevos was even more concerned about Shepard's mental and emotional state and how it was affecting the human.

Shepard's refusal to look at the scans Chief Williams had done of her on Horizon and her statement that she remembered everything suddenly took on a new and darker meaning, and Elana had to wonder if remembering everything included Shepard remembering her own death from asphyxiation. That was hardly a pleasant memory to have, especially considering what else Cerberus had done during their reconstruction of Shepard's body. Drell neurochemicals had been used to stabilize the human's memories and keep them from degrading, a statement that was backed up by the neural changes evident in the human’s neurological scan. As a result, Shepard’s memories of the past and the way new memories were formed and stored had been permanently changed; from what the human had told Dr. T’Rani they were more drell-like now in their intensity and immediacy, and much more permanent. In addition, Shepard suffered from flashbacks to intense memories under certain circumstances and indeed had slipped into one during her discussion with Dr. T’Rani while discussing the finding of her helmet upon Alchera.

The asari Councilor sighed and rose from her chair, walking over to her office window to look out on her view of the Presidium. Yes, if these were normal circumstances she would certainly be seriously considering pulling the human Spectre off duty to undergo psychological counseling until cleared for duty. The only problem was these were hardly normal circumstances and it simply wasn't possible to get any other Spectre into a similar position to investigate Cerberus or their involvement with the Collectors and stop them. Therefore no matter how concerned Elana was over Shepard’s mental state and behavior the asari would have to hope that the human Spectre was indeed adapting to the changes in her body as Shepard had claimed to Dr. T’Rani along with dealing with whatever psychological difficulties she was facing as a result of her death.

The asari's brown eyes wandered over the carefully manicured grounds below and the myriad of species walking along the pathways for a quiet moment. It would be enough if she we just concerned about the changes Cerberus had made to the human Spectre's body and Shepard's reactions to them and her death, but then there was also the matter of Ambassador Udina’s actions in trying to undermine the Council’s authority over the human Spectre and what had been revealed in Shepard’s Alliance Records.

While making Shepard a Spectre hadn’t been an empty action, least of all because it had mollified the Systems Alliance after the revelation that one of the Councils own Spectre's had gone rogue and attacked one of their colony world's, at the time the Council had not intended upon relying only on the first human Spectre to stop what had been until then their most skilled and dangerous agent. They had tasked several STG units to find and if possible stop the rogue Spectre as well, and had expected one of them to succeed in stopping Saren while at the same time giving the Council the opportunity to evaluating how well their first human Spectre performed in the field.

From the beginning that had not worked out as they had thought it would at all, the STG units, except for the one investigating Virmire, had failed to uncover Saren’s location while Spectre Shepard showed an almost uncanny ability to follow Saren’s footsteps and thwart his plans at every turn even if the human wasn’t able to catch up to him. Now of course, after learning about the numerous obstacles Ambassador Udina and the Alliance had placed in Shepard’s way, the asari Councilor had to wonder if the Spectre could have caught up with Saren well before he attacked the Citadel had she not had to fund a substantial portion of her expenses as well as try to appease her superiors.

Spectres were supposed to get support and funding through their own race’s Embassy and have the support of their Councilor or in this case Ambassador. Two years ago the asari Councilor had not considered that would not be the case for Shepard. Tevos considered it unfortunate in the extreme that instead of receiving support from Ambassador Udina, Shepard had found herself battling against him and portions of the Systems Alliance Military every step of the way as she struggled to complete her mission successfully in spite of the obstacles put in her way. To compound the issue, the human woman had found her loyalty questioned by the very military she had faithfully served once she became a Spectre because she refused to yield to their demands that she dismiss the non-humans that she had recruited to be part of her team. What the asari Councilor had seen as a positive indication that humans were ready to think of more than just themselves, had actually been a display of Shepard’s own personal convictions and a rather large dash of pure stubbornness.

That stubbornness had ensured that the human Spectre continued pursuing Saren even after Udina locked down her ship, but in this case it had worked against them all. If only Shepard had said something, asked a few questions…it would have become rapidly clear to Tevos, and most likely Valern as well, that the human didn’t have the knowledge of how a Spectre operated that she should have had after reading the information they had sent her. Shepard hadn’t however, instead interpreting the entire situation as a challenge the Council expected her to navigate and overcome in addition to tracking down one of the Council’s foremost Spectre’s.

Why the human had thought such a thing with so much at stake Tevos didn’t truly know, but she had her suspicions. Only few days ago Shepard had clearly stated neither she nor they had any reason to trust one another when they had made the human a Spectre, and though Shepard hadn’t said it, the clear message that she didn’t trust them now nor thought that they trusted her had been unmistakable. It was hardly the most ideal situation between the Council and one of its Spectre’s; especially given the critical nature of Shepard’s current missions.

The asari Councilor suspected that the mistrust between them had begun with the Council taking Saren’s word over the Alliances’ regarding the attack on Eden Prime and then had only grown with every mission, driven mostly by Councilor Metellus’ constant stream of unrelenting criticism. Now that she had Shepard’s Alliance records in her possession, Tevos now knew why Shepard’s reports after her mission on Feros had abruptly become less detailed. Councilor Metellus had been using the information in her reports to the Council to undermine her credibility with Ambassador Udina and the Systems Alliance Military. Elana had known that Metellus had objected strongly to Shepard being made a Spectre, but she had never thought that he would go so far or try such underhanded tactics in an attempt to get the first human Spectre’s status revoked.

Now they were left with the fallout of his actions, not only in Shepard’s continuing mistrustful attitude towards them, but now in Councilor Anderson’s subtle change in attitude toward Councilor Metellus. Heralded by the human’s sharp and rather pointed rebuke of the turian Councilor for the way he was speaking to and treating Shepard it was quite clear that Metellus had dishonored himself by his actions and behavior in both human’s eyes. That fact was quite clear to the turian Councilor as well, and that only created added, and distinctly unneeded at this time, tension between the two Council members.

It was rare for the asari to regret a past decision, but now Tevos regretted that she had pushed to make Shepard a full Spectre instead of assigning the human to another Spectre for more evaluation and training after Nihlus Kryik had been killed. If an experienced Spectre assigned to track down Saren with Shepard as their trainee, Udina would have likely never even tried to intimidate the human woman. She could not go back and change the past however, instead she had to deal with the situation they now had in the present because of both Udina and Councilor Metellus' actions.

Councilor Tevos’ hand raised, rubbed at her forehead for a moment and then swept over the crest of her scalp trying to ease away some of her current tension and concern as her thoughts went to the Council's most recent meeting with the human Spectre. She was used to thinking of Shepard as a three decade old human, impulsive, emotional, but showing occasional flashes of intelligence and insight that showed what the human could be if she survived long enough. Neither that person from two years ago nor the angry on-edge person that the Council had met three months ago had been present for Shepard’s most recent meeting with them.

It would have been easier to understand and less disconcerting if she had, instead the human Spectre had displayed an admirable amount of calm self-control and maturity during both of her meetings with them. Shepard had maintained it even under Councilor Metellus near constant attempts to antagonize her and then when she and Councilor Valern had tested the human Spectre's newfound equanimity as well during their commentary on a Spectre’s salary and compensation package. Elana had been especially impressed by the calm and well-thought out way Shepard had presented her arguments that the Council should support the efforts of her former crewmember Urdnot Wrex to unite the Krogan clans on Tuchanka.

Normally the asari Councilor would be pleased by such signs of maturity in a younger Spectre. Only in this case the sheer difference between how Shepard had acted a mere three months ago and how she had acted a few days ago was startling and unexpected to say the least, especially given what Elana now knew about what had happened to the human during the past two years. The way Shepard had spoken, the way she had acted, the way she had moved, all spoke of a level of experience and confidence in herself that it seemed impossible for the human to have gained in such a short period of time.

Rapidly growing biotic abilities, evidence of unexpected maturity, perhaps it was simply a result of what Shepard was going through in dealing with her death, but Tevos’ instincts were telling her that all of it together was too sudden and entirely too implausible. Councilor Tevos was almost certain there was something going on that Shepard was not sharing with them…but what and how to find out?

The asari narrowed her brown eyes in thought, in this morning’s intelligence briefing there had been new information about both Spectre Vasir and Spectre Shepard's current whereabouts and activities. Spectre Vasir was enroute back to the Citadel after completing her mission on Illium aboard an asari military ship, and yesterday afternoon Spectre Shepard had alerted the Bekenstein authorities to the illegal activities of one Donovan Hock. No one would remark on her visiting the Destiny Ascension today, she could easily use their communications equipment to securely speak with Spectre Vasir and find out what the other asari had learned about Shepard's activities on Illium as well as divert her to Bekenstein to ostensibly follow up on Shepard's initial investigation.

Her decision made about what step to take to regarding Shepard’s unexpected and, at least to her, suspicious changes, the asari’s mind moved onto another outstanding issue relating to the Spectre. Something that Councilor Anderson had mentioned after their meeting with Dr. T'Rani; the Prothean beacon message was not one of fragmented sounds and images as the Council had assumed from what little information Shepard had mentioned of it, but a mental message sent by Ksan Ishad the Overseer of the Ilos Research Facility about the attack on their Empire. The prothean’s own thoughts and emotions about what was happening and his understanding of his own people…no wonder Shepard had been so affected by it even before the human fully understood it.

Even to an asari, an alien mind's thoughts could be confusing during a meld. Elana couldn't imagine how much more so they would be without any basis for understanding the species or to a human who was completely unused to mind to mind contact. Just how affected was Shepard by the nature of the beacon message and the cultural understanding of the Protheans imparted by the Cipher? And could that explain some of the behavioral changes she had seen in the human?

 

**Illium – Eternity Bar, Nos Astra Main Trading Floor**

“Are you sure you want another one of these?” the forming scowl on the asari maiden’s face instantly faded as she recognized the subtly concerned voice of Matriarch Aethyta, one of Eternity’s more unusual bartenders.

“Umm…” Liara stared down at her empty glass for a moment, was this her fifth or sixth one, she wondered before responding with a quiet sigh, “No I guess not.” Before she could say anything more the matriarch had whisked away her glass and replaced it with a full glass of dlara juice.

“Keep you from getting as bad hangover with the way you've been tossing the drinks back,” Aethyta explained gruffly as she sat the juice down in front of the maiden and then walked away with the empty glass.

Liars stared at the orange-red juice for a second before shifting her gaze to the back of the matriarch who was walking away from her. "Thank you," she called out after Aethyta, received a negligent seeming wave of one lavender hand in reply. The asari maiden continued watching until the matriarch was back behind the bar and serving another customer before taking a sip of the tart juice just delivered to her. This wasn't the first time the matriarch had seemed to pay more attention to Liara than the other customers, and the asari maiden suspected that, even though she didn't remember ever meeting Aethyta before, that the older asari likely knew her mother and was simply trying to keep an eye out for her.

As for the reason she had been drinking, she had received news finally from one of her contacts on the Citadel. Amanda had docked at the C-Sec docks to drop off a prisoner, most likely from Tuchanka as that had been where the Normandy had been last, then met with the Council twice in one day, and then met with and stayed with the Consort Sha'ira for the entire evening and night, only leaving after having breakfast the next morning.

At first Liara had been hurt, furious and betrayed at the idea that Amanda had been with Sha'ira just weeks after leaving Illium, even though she was well aware that she had been the one to end their relationship. In her anger she had even thrown into the bottom drawer of her desk the one thing of Amanda's that she kept in her office, the display of her dog tags, and vowed to forget about the human woman.

That anger had lasted for only an hour or so before Liara’s more rational side began reminding her that, even though Amanda and the Consort had been intimate before she and the human Spectre had ever met, she knew that Amanda only felt a fond affection for the older asari and saw Sha'ira as a close friend. At one time she had been jealous of the matron and concerned about Amanda's close relationship to her. Sha’ira was much older, considered to be exceptionally beautiful by both asari and non-asari, and was a highly respected and much sought after consort. Once she had figured out what was bothering Liara, Amanda had been very open and honest about her feelings of friendship and affection toward Sha'ira as well as her respect for the Consort's wisdom and counsel...and about her lack of any deeper romantic attraction toward the matron. The two of them, despite their past intimacy, were indeed only friends.

That had been when the guilt had started, Liara knew that Sha'ira had offered both healing words as well as physical comfort to Amanda right after the attack on Eden Prime, helping the human deal both with what she had witnessed there and with the regular nightmares she had been having because of the Prothean beacon message. It didn't take much reflection for the asari maiden to come up with a few reasons why Amanda might have sought out Sha'ira during her most recent visit to the Citadel.

Liara had been so concerned about Amanda's reaction to finding out she was the one who had turned her body over to Cerberus and then about herself and her own emotions as well as her hunt for the Shadow Broker that she had never even inquired how Amanda felt about what had happened to her. Had not asked how her former lover was dealing with the knowledge of her own death or of how she came to be alive once again. Had not even called Amanda by her name until the last when she was telling her it was over between them.

And now...and now Liara knew that Amanda had accepted her decision that it was over between them. The human believed too much in fidelity to have spent the night with Sha'ira while still hoping they might be together again someday, and that left the maiden feeling emptier and more hurt than she had anticipated.

 

**Normandy – Laboratory, Second Deck**

Mordin, Tali and Miranda were all staring down at their respective data pads with every sign of rapt attention; either obvious in their expressions, or in Tali’s case in her body language. Shepard hadn’t originally planned on including the salarian doctor given the fact that she didn’t want any information about her Prothean memories to make it back to the Council or Alliance, but then upon further consideration realized that the former STG operative wouldn’t be able to resist finding out what the other two were working on in his lab and therefore might as well be included from the beginning. To head off his questions about where the information had come from, Shepard had set things up so he would assume that Cerberus was the source of information for the amplifier. With any luck, the salarian doctor wouldn’t look any further and figure out that she was actually the source.

Upon the data pads they were reading, in a highly encrypted document, was everything Shepard thought they needed to understand about the Prothean amplifier to re-create it. Details about the firmware, the onboard VI in the primary amplifier to monitor and assist the biotic in creating and maintaining mass effect fields, and a through description of the neural fiber network and secondary amplifier nodes which supplemented the biotics ability to generate dark energy from their eezo nodules and added to their ability to finely control the mass effect fields generated from that dark energy as well as allowing them to have voluntary control over their own bio-electrical fields or aura so that they could communicate with one another.

Leaning against one of the laboratory benches that lined the walls of the laboratory, Shepard remained silent, letting each of them take their time in digesting the data she had just given them.

"Intriguing," unsurprisingly Mordin was the first of the three to finish reading the data. "Was not aware that Protheans were natural biotics like Asari, or regularly utilized mental connections to exchange information. Prothean data devices assumed to be purely data transfer devices like extranet communications system. Not carriers of memory processes.” The salarian researcher crossed his arms and lifted one hand to his chin in a thoughtful pose, “Hmm, could partially account for why all such devices so far have been assumed to have severe data corruption. Still memory corruption, but also expecting wrong type of data output. Not correcting for digital recreation of biophysical memory processes of Prothean species."

Miranda looked up from her data pad a slight frown marring her brow, “That might allow us to separate out the memories and find more data, but without knowing exactly how Prothean memories are formed we still couldn’t understand their memory processes, and it sounds like that might be where most of the information is contained.” The Cerberus operative looked over at Shepard speculatively, “However, it seems as if you might.”

Shepard grimaced at that unpleasant possibility, “I might,” she reluctantly agreed, “but corrupted data is still corrupted data and I had enough headaches and strange nightmares from the first beacon for that exact reason. Besides, most of the messages would have been just that – messages. Technical data wouldn’t have been sent that way.”

“Still important data,” Mordin disagreed, “Would be able to learn much about the Protheans from them.”

“Not as important as stopping the Reapers,” Shepard immediately disagreed, giving both Mordin and Miranda stern looks. “Our current mission is too important for me to get sidetracked to interpret what turns out to be a happy birthday message, or more likely everyday bureaucratic orders between governmental officials.”

Mordin’s thin mouth contorted momentarily in a grimace and then he nodded. “Agreed. Not as important as our current mission. Should we survive however, should inform the Council of the fact.”

Shepard waved that off, “Anderson knows, I’m assuming that he informed them already. Besides, they didn’t seem to think it was that important two years ago when I found out I could understand spoken and written Prothean on Ilos.”

“Do we have any more information or maybe even examples of Prothean electronics and data storage devices than this?” Tali finally joined in on the conversation and Shepard turned her attention to the quarian whose slightly purple tinted visor was facing her. “It would be a big help to actually see what they looked like before we start trying to build one. I’ve never even thought about building a biotic amplifier before, and this isn’t even one whose technology I’m even familiar with…and it’s going in your body Shepard.”

The clear note of discomfort in the quarian’s voice caught Shepard’s full attention. “I know it’s a risk,” she acknowledged, “but given what I’m doing to my current amplifier it’s just as much of a risk to my health to not develop one which can better handle what I’m trying to do with my biotics now.”

“After seeing the results from Dr. Chakwas after the last mission, I have to agree,” Miranda said decisively. The Cerberus operative turned toward Tali, “I’ll see what I can do about finding some Prothean technology for us to examine, and we can also consult with the team that built the current amplifier Shepard is using for ideas.”


End file.
